WARNING: Bullying and derogatory language.

P.S. I'm not changing the plot. If you didn't enjoy it the first time and are still reading this with hope I'll change it, please enjoy the riveting activity of kicking rocks ;D

Chapter 16 - Without You

The Nargles are gathering.

I knew Ginny wasn't my friend, she nearly blew my head off in BBCE, luckily I am getting better at shield charms. Cho has been setting traps in the fourth year dorm bathroom. I would tell her to stop but the strands of her magic are so easy to see I wonder if she's giving me practice in countercurse wards.

More people are joining BBCE. Nearly everyone from the fourth year to the seventh year is coming, they follow their classmates to the RR. I don't know if the RR can grow much bigger and I hope we don't get caught.

Father says Harry is a brilliant young man and would have been sorted into Ravenclaw had trouble not followed him around like Snuckerfish to the underside of a Gaia Turtle.

L.L.

oOo

The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was not having an easy time. Some of the teachers were easy enough to bully -Minerva McGonagall not among them, but it was the resistance of the students that made Dolores's reports so difficult.

A trend had been started–and when Dolores found out who they were, they would pay–that whenever she asked a question about the class or teacher the student -no matter the house, would start with "As compared to your class-" followed by some impressive backhanded insults.

"Compared to you, Professor Umbridge, Professor Snape is encouraging and warm hearted."

"Compared to your class, I'd say I am actually going to be able to pass my Care of Magical Creatures OWLs exam."

"Compared to DADA, Divinations is actually preparing us for the future, if only because Professor Trelawney is realistic about the dangers that exist in the world."

It rankled Dolores that she couldn't punish them but Minerva had pulled rank as Assistant Headmistress so although Dolores could give them a month of detentions Minerva was the one to decide what they did and most of her 'detentions' were a five minute time out in the corner to ponder what they'd done as Dolores raged in quiet observation from the shadows.

Her Inquisitive team consisted of two numb skulls from her old house. They didn't have two original thoughts to rub between them.

Dolores needed to find a way to gain real power at Hogwarts. The way to achieve this was clear; break Harry Potter. If his quiet leadership and influence were broken than this new and abnormal cross house unity would evaporate. Only through devotion did Umbridge have a chance of claiming this school as her own.

oOo

Voldemort was going to kill Peter Pettigrew. He was going to kill him slowly and painfully.

Voldemort rolled off the grubby couch onto the dusty floor with a thunk. "Wormtail!" he wailed, cursing that he, the Dark Lord, had been reduced to hiding in an abandoned apartment in Saudi Arabia dependent on one single insufferable Gryffindor to keep him alive, unable to so much as walk or feed himself.

"M'lord!" Wormtail cried, scrambling, and curse him, was he snuffling? No, he was on the brink of tears. Damn him. How had this pitiful creature ever had friends? He was truly insufferable.

"Get me off the floor!"

In Wormtail's shaking grip, Voldemort felt like he was being shaken like a child twirling an ant terrarium.

"Put me down!"

Wormtail dropped him back on the floor.

Ow.

Oh how he missed Quirrel. The jittering, garlic toting pansy had at least had the brains not smash his face against hard surfaces!

"On the couch, you blithering idiot!" Voldemort screeched.

Wormtail fell over himself putting the baby bundle, that was Voldemort, on the smelly couch, which he then began to roll off again.

"Securely!" Voldemort instructed.

Wormtail rearranged him, taking what once might have been considered a blanket to cover him up with.

"It's too hot here for that!"

Wormtail whipped the blanket off and again, Voldemort rolled to the floor with another thunk.

The worm would die for this humiliation. He would die a creative death, a most creative death indeed.

The only thing keeping Voldemort alive were the snakes Wormtail kept trapping on the edge of the desert. Drinking the venom of magical dessert snakes was enough to sustain this poor excuse for a body but he needed something stronger. Or something that could strengthen his spirit so he could possess the Boy Who Lived, for what better way was there to take over Britain than taking over the life of their hero.

In the meantime, however, Voldemort could only wish that he wasn't living on the edge of a desert city. How he longed to be living in one of the lush apartments they passed, the ones with air conditioning. The muggle contraptions were necessary when a wizard like Wormtail was your only means of magic. It had taken five hours of not so patient instruction of a muggle repellent warding to guard them against the dregs that wandered every city.

It would all be worth it in the end though for Harry Potter would be his. The boy may be guarded physically, but Voldemort had tasted his mind, his soul, and he would eat that soul and take his place in the Golden Boy's body. He had learned in the last year things no mortal knew and necromancy had nothing on dissecting a human soul.

oOo

Harry showed up to his Occlumency lesson with Snape that Friday night. He was surprised, however, when Snape directed Harry to follow him out of his office, and out of the dungeons.

After a few minutes of walking, Harry asked, "Why are we going to the hospital wing?"

"Don't ask stupid questions," Snape snapped.

Harry didn't ask again but that didn't mean he agreed with it being a stupid question. As far Harry was aware he didn't need medical help so the question of why they were starting out their lesson in the medical wing had merit.

Madame Pomfrey greeted him like Harry had come to expect from Mrs. Weasley. Indeed, her treatment of him could be safely compared to a full out Mollycoddling.

She started handing him potions after she checked him with a number of spells, "You are doing much better than last year, but the damage is quite deep. My own fault for not recognizing your thin waist and weak bones for what they were. Even your trouble in school up to this year might be explained."

"Um… what are you talking about?" Harry asked. "My trouble in school has a direct relation to things trying to kill me or taking over the school."

"Just drink the potions, Mr. Potter, it will explain itself. Trust me," she said.

Harry gave her a wary look. He trusted her but-

She huffed, hands on hips and continued, "Really Mr. Potter, Professor Snape brewed them. They are safe. He is the best Potioneer in the country."

Harry looked askance at the potion bottles in his hands, "Was that supposed to reassure me? Because it doesn't."

"Shut it, you little ingrate. Those potions took me two seasons to prepare," Snape growled with a scowl, though Harry could have sworn he saw a spark of amusement in his Professor's onyx eyes.

Figuring that if either of them had truly wished him harm they would have succeeded by now, he knocked the potions back, one after the other.

It was good he was already sitting on a cot because Harry was given no warning before his body decided that being conscious was what this moment called for.

oOo

Harry woke with a start, flinging himself off the cot.

"Good," Pomfrey said, looking up from her clipboard, "It worked."

"What worke-" Harry started to ask, wrapping his arms around his bare chest. Only it didn't feel like his fifteen year old body, it didn't feel like the body he'd transported back in time to.

Pomfrey waved her wand and summoned a mirror and Harry spun to look at himself. He was taller, nearly as tall as he had been when he was seventeen, but his skin. It was still tanned from his vacation but it was, well- he wasn't really sure anyone else would see it unless, like him, they had spent a lifetime, maybe two, with himself and he knew that this wasn't the way he looked. He was still lean, still had muscles from Defense and Quidditch practice but now he also had a layer of- of fat? Not bad fat or even the baby weight Neville still had but just a healthy layer of padding between his muscles and his skin. His ribs were no longer visibly protruding against his sides. His stomach was... softer. There had been points in his childhood where his stomach had bloated outward even if his gutt was aching from lack of food but this- Harry poked it. The pleasant give made him smile.

He looked average.

He didn't have the same face Hermione had called handsome in their sixth year, but his cheeks were now fuller, his adam's apple less visible, he still looked fifteen but Harry had never realised all the small indications that had truly meant he had never taken care of his body. No wonder Mrs. Weasley always treated him like he looked starved. He had looked starved and the months of good eating at Hogwarts were always undone by the summer of near fasting.

Harry turned back to Madame Pomfrey who was watching him with a sad smile.

He marveled at how smooth his motions were, how his very joints felt- better, stronger. He still needed his glasses but even through the little glass panes, the world looked sharper as if the faintest of fogs had been lifted.

"Thank you," Harry breathed, even his thoughts felt less mirky, something he had never noticed because he had never been without. It was like having a handicap your entire life and suddenly being able to move without infringement.

Pomfrey shook her head and waved him away, "Don't thank me, Harry. I should have done this the moment you walked through- were carried through my door. I should have seen it."

She was berating herself.

Harry pushed away from the bed and then pulled the mediwitch in for a hug. "Thank you for taking care of me Madame Pomfrey."

She hugged him back, she held him tightly for a moment before letting him go and shewing him towards the door. She threw him a new set of robs. "Get out of here and show your potion professor a little of that gratitude."

Harry widened his bright green eyes at her, "Are you instructing me to give Professor Snape a hug when I next see him?"

Pomfrey laughed and Harry pretended not to see the tears trailing down her cheeks. "If that's your scheme, you can wait for dinner so I can witness the chaos."

Harry blew her a kiss and jogged back to Gryffindor Tower.

"Harry?" Hermione called, "You're awake! You were in the hospital wing for two nights- what-" she got a good look at him. His taller frame, his fuller face. "What happened to you?"

Harry grinned, "Healing potions." He sprinted up the steps to his room, glorying in the strength of his body. He was back downstairs with his broom in hand.

"Harry? Wait, where are you-?" Ron called but Harry had already mounted his broom and escaped out a window.

Harry spent the rest of the afternoon in the air, falling in love with being alive and magic all over again.

oOo

Harry's progress in school skyrocketed. Where he had entered this school as an average student he was finally showing his colours. Colours that proved that he had always meant to be Tom Riddle and Albus Dumbledore's equal magically.

Though not all of his progress could be contributed to Snape and Pomfrey's healing potions. No, this Harry, as opposed to the Harry from a time before, had family and friends to confide in. Friend circles that expanded beyond Ron and Hermione or even Gryffindor house. Harry wasn't so much popular as he was welcomed. He was happy and his skill as a wizard and his kindness as a person made him likable, made others want to be like him.

Or with him.

Cho Chang and a now single Ginny Weasley were vying for his affections, as were a number of other girls and a select handful of boys. But there was one thing people seemed not to understand. A more open, more confident Harry still wasn't an overly trusting person. In fact, his innate shyness was starting to come out the more people starting hounding him for attention. He was fine to lead when the time called for it or to be the professor in a classroom setting. But Harry did not enjoy the social spotlight like he had briefly in his sixth year before dating Ginny.

"How do I hide from your sister?" Harry asked the twins.

They sniggered in answer.

Fred said, "There is no hiding from Ginny, it is either you relent or let her run you over."

"In other words, you're not going to help," Harry said, frustrated.

"Nope," they said in unison.

"I thought she had gotten over me?" Harry muttered.

"That would be before you became disearble number one," Hermione said from an armchair where she had been reading her book.

Harry flinched at the phrasing, folding in on himself. "I hate people," Harry muttered under his breath as he left the common room. He needed away.

Today was Halloween and the constant pestering of people was irritating. The Slytherins weren't so bad as they mostly took Harry's not so subtle hints about not wanting a following. The rest of the houses though…

Harry wandered the halls. It was a Thursday but everyone had the day off so the halls were mostly empty.

"Stay away from him!"

It was Ginny's voice and Harry slowed before turning around the next corner and listened carefully.

"He's my friend," pleaded a familiar voice.

Luna.

Harry wanted to go to her defense, but he knew as soon as someone saw him they would put on a false pleasant face to encourage his company, which typically did the opposite. Harry much preferred hanging out with Astoria who mocked anyone who found him attractive with gagging noises and disgusted looks. Or Susan, who had no problem tossing books and hexes at him when the opportunity presented itself. Or Luna who was simply herself.

"You little whore," another voice snarled, Harry wasn't as familiar with but he thought it might one of the seventh year Ravenclaw girls.

"That's a little harsh," Ginny scaled back, her own temper deflating as the other girl's–or girls'–hostility rose.

"But she is a little vixen isn't she?" That one Harry knew was another fourth year girl from Gryffindor, though he couldn't remember her name.

The older Ravenclaw girl spoke again, "We've all seen the way he looks at you? We've seen you go out into the woods with him. What do you do with him? Do you like being on your knees? Spreading yo-"

Harry whipped around the corner so fast that he didn't even know what spell was striking the girl between her shoulder blades.

Stunner.

Luckily for them both, just a stunner.

She collapsed to the floor.

Harry was so furious he was seeing red. He was striding towards the group and it broke his heart to see Luna backed up to the wall, her face shining with tears.

Harry's wand gravitated toward the nameless Gryffindor girl who he threw her away from them, careening into Ginny. They fell hard on the ground in a scramble of limbs.

Luna was shaking slightly, her wand forgotten held loosely at her side. Harry thought it likely that she hadn't quite been ready to raise her wand at Ginny, a girl Luna had grown up with as neighbours and who had been the closest thing she had to a friend before Harry came along.

Harry took Luna's other hand, it was worryingly clammy, and rested it in his hand. Her breathing was shallow, her pale eyes were too wide.

Harry looked toward Ginny with a level of revulsion and outrage he thought he had reserved only for Wormtail.

Ginny looked up at him, distraught, her face a mask of shame. She opened her mouth but Harry beat her to it.

"You bitch."

She gaped at him.

Harry wasn't a child anymore, not a young teen who didn't understand the long term effects that squabbles in school could lead to in life. One had to look no further than Snape for such an example. It didn't matter to Harry that Ginny was Ron's sister who had made a childish mistake acting out on her anger and confused feelings. It didn't matter that Harry had loved her once, he loved her no longer. He wanted nothing more to do with her.

He didn't always have to be the bigger person. He didn't have to be friends with everyone.

If it was a choice between everyone and the handful of cherished people, Harry was going to be the selfish bloke who swore at teenage girls for being mean and pathetic.

Harry gently tugged on Luna's hand, she stumbled forward. Harry let go of her hand and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side as he led her away from the speechless Gryffindor girls and the stunned seventh year girl sprawled in the hallway.

Luna didn't say anything as they walked, but a steady flow of tears trailed silently down her face.

Harry led them to the kitchensq. He hushed the well-meaning elves but politely asked for tea and some sweets.

Harry sat beside Luna on a small bench. Her eyes stared blankly out into space.

"Luna?" Harry asked softly. He didn't make the mistake of asking her if she was okay. She so clearly wasn't.

"Why didn't I fight back?" She asked blankly. Her eyes suddenly focusing on him, had darkened to a stormy grey. It was oddly beautiful and uniquely Luna for her eyes to have such a range of shades and hues. "I had my wand, why didn't I fight back?" she asked and if Harry hadn't been looking into her face he would have described her question as disinterestedly academic.

"They weren't, at least at first, going to hurt you physically, I don't think, and Ginny was your friend," Harry explained carefully. He had intimate experiences being ganged up on. The first time Dudley's friends had raised fists against him, the other boys had seemed almost fearful. When there were no punishments for them, that fear had turned to glee.

"Crimes of opportunity," Harry tried to explain. "Sometimes a group of people don't intend to go as far as they are capable of going. It is still wrong though, and you don't deserve to be talked to like that, much less cornered."

"Ginny is not my friend," Luna said very sharply.

Harry nodded, "I know that."

"So why?" she asked again, "Why didn't I fight back? Why didn't I defend myself?"

It was a question he had asked of himself but he had an easier answer for Luna. He cupped one of her wet cheeks in his hand, the contrast between their skin tones was notable. "I've seen you battle Death Eaters and hold up to torture and be brave and true and unabashedly you through it all. You are quite capable of knocking together the heads of a few bullies but you shouldn't have had to. And you shouldn't be ashamed that in face of your classmates that your first instinct wasn't to hurt them."

She took Harry's hand in both of hers, pulling his touch away from her face. "They were wrong about the things they said I did with you but I don't care what people say or think. I will not stay away from you," she declared, raising her chin in defiance, as if daring him to argue with her.

Harry looked at her for a moment in awe before he smiled, his chest warming, "I'm glad. I think I would be lost without you."

Her face crumbled and she fell into Harry's arms crying, sobbing. Only her tears were silent but for her small gasps of air. Harry held her, rubbing her back in soothing circles. He knew from experience that the only reason someone cried like this was when

grief took over their entire body but stopped short of voicing their pain because there were people in their lives not meant to hear, not meant to see, or know that they grieved.

Harry held her close, wishing he could protect her against everything that could make her cry like this and knowing he couldn't. He settled for hoping she would allow him to be here for her, whenever she needed someone.

oOo

AN: Thoughts, snuckerfish, or reactions, pretty please?