If I were in the anime Bleach, I would be a shinigami (soul reaper in English dub). Why? Because having a zanpakuto (soul cleaver) is awesome! Plus, the many waifus and husbandos who are soul reapers. I would love to have a polyamory with a plethora of those characters.

...wait... what was the topic?

Sorry. I lost my train of thought. Let me explain.

Leon and I spent some time together: we ate breakfast, played video games, Leon did some poses which made me have a nosebleed (the little shithead), until sundown when he had to leave in a hurry. Probably to ensure his dad doesn't ask questions about his whereabouts. Makes me wonder if his rat fucker of a father ever asks his sons what they do on their spare time.

Anyway, after he left, I wanted to watch a romantic-comedy movie to get some ideas on our first date when I fell asleep during the movie. When I woke up, I was in a forest. It was dark. No lights. No stars. The trees were too tall and large to cover the above. Pitch black. The only source of light was the specks of fireflies flying around. I sat up. I don't remember where walking into the woods. Or the fact that Central Park had trees as high as buildings. I looked at my attire. I still wore the same clothes as I did before I fell asleep.

Where the fuck was I?

"Took you long enough to get here." I turned around to see my doppelganger of my past self. "I feel like we have not spent some quality time together."

"Where are we?" I dared ask, surveying this newfound area.

"In your subconscious... so to speak", Oroku explained. "Here is where your mind and spirit dwell in. Your presence draws you in probably to escape the human world. Something drew you here beckoning you."

"You're right", I casually shrugged. "If I knew I had an Inner World I would've knocked myself out a long time ago." I continued to scan the area. It reminded me of a show; I don't know which one, but the scenery gave me nostalgia. "Here's my question. Why am I here?"

As my attention drew to Roku, I noticed his relaxed posture went stiff. He was nervous. No, something was bothering him. His complexion was paler than the last time I saw him where I noticed dark circles under his eyes. He was exhausted; exhausted and drained. His hair was a shaggy mess. Clothes untucked and loose. The guy looked like he would keel over with the slightest touch.

"You good, man?" I asked, concerned.

The spirit stood up straight. "It is best if Dark were to explain the circumstance." Circumstance? Why couldn't he explain it to me? He's standing right here! By him, I meant Oroku. "Dark was the one who brought you here. He needs to speak with you. He..." my doppelganger paused and swayed before grasping his footing. "You... need to... need to know what you're up against."

Dark summoned me? Why? How serious was the circumstances? Was this circumstance causing Roku to be pale? It wasn't easing my nerves. I've already gone through a battle. Can't I have a couple of days to recuperate? This shouldn't surprise me. My life was unnatural to begin with. With an uneasy nod, I let Oroku take the lead. I had to stay close by in case he fell over. He tripped a few times which made me worry. Can spirits be paler than they already are? Will they lose themselves and be evil spirits like in Bleach? Will his evilness control me since he's in me?

...okay that last part I didn't mean for it to sound sexual. It just came out naturally.

...giggity...

FUCK! I gotta stop doing that.

Oh... my... God... I'm a pervert!

Oroku had the audacity to sluggishly turn around and give me a blank stare. "You noticed that NOW?" he asked.

I narrowed my eyes. "Just get me to Dark, you smartass."

The pale spirit resumed his lead. "It takes one to know one", he muttered. How the hell did Misa deal with him? "Your guess is as good as mine." His tone was... sad... I should've kept my thoughts to myself.

So, we walked a path ahead. He tripped over. I caught him. We continued this song-and-dance for a while. I couldn't give an approximate time. With the dark atmosphere and the sky covered, I couldn't tell. The more we walked, the trees got taller; their trunks got bulkier. Soon enough, our path led to a hill leading down to... a cave?

"Is Dark in there?" I asked, pointing to the smooth, rocky cave entrance.

"Yes", Oroku replied, after recovering from another tripped over. "Dark prefers their privacy. Mostly sleep all day... and all night. They're an exhausted deity." I studied Oroku carefully. He's barely standing.

I sighed. "Maybe I should go on ahead alone."

"No. No", Roku declined. "I promised..." he fell again, but I caught him and leaned him against a trunk. "I promised Dark I would lead you to them. It's important... it's important that you..."

I held my hand up, stopping him. "No, you rest. I'll go on ahead. Dark's in the cave? Just straight ahead in there, right?" All I got was a nod. It's enough of a confirmation for me to proceed. I let him rest as I started walking down the hill and entered the cave's mouth. I was met with the sound of water dripping from stalactites. I trudged on through the darkness. Everything around me was getting darker the deeper I walked.

With no other light or torch guiding me, I had to resort to touching the wall and left my feet tap any rock or stalactite on my path. I had no idea how far I walked or how long I've walked but my patience was wearing thin. Suddenly, I slipped on a wet stone causing me to slide down through some sort of tunnel. I tried grabbing anything to stop my fall but all I got was nothing. On the plus side, the rocky yet smooth slide didn't last long; in fact, it lasted like a minute. My face landed on the floor and my back arched backward. I growled in annoyance. This journey better be FUCKING worth it! If I ever meet Dark in person, I'm gonna ask them why the ACTUAL FUCK would they live deep in a cave!

I lifted my body. A journey is a thousand steps. Or so the saying goes. I must've taken over a thousand steps already. I have to be close by now. I continued to walk with added aggression. Instead of walking up a mountain, I'm heading downward in the abyss. Just how deep am I supposed to walk?

The continued walk felt like an hour. Maybe two. My patience was as thin as a string being stretched ready to snap. I was tired of all the walking and gaining no results when I felt a tug. It wasn't from Leo. It was from something else; someone else. I ran straight forward. The tug grew stronger as I got closer. As I got closer to my destination, crystals were coming on view. The crystals illuminated the cave. Each one was a different shape and size, yet there was room for the path to be clear and visible for me to tread on.

The tug was getting stronger and stronger.

My journey was coming to an end. I was finally going to meet Dark! What I encountered threw me off. There was an enormous wolf as black as a starless night. Its tail flickering like black fire. It was curled up in a sleep position.

"Holy wolf dick, you're huge."

The giant wolf released a giant yawn. I swear I smelled its breath. It reeked. "Thank you", it said. "I am sorry for bringing you here, but it is rather urgent."

"Glad to be here. A heads up would've been nice", I said, crossing my arms. "What's with the summons, your majesty?"

Dark blinked tirelessly with their red eyes. "History is repeating itself."

I stared at it with my own curious blinking eyes. "Care to elaborate? What history?"

"...the Foot are close to achieving their objective."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on. You summoned me to see your lazy, fuzzy ass all for you to talk in riddles. The sooner we finish, the sooner I get to prepare my first date with Lee."

The wolf huffed. "You and he must know what is at stake."

"You sound like we're going up against the Big Bad."

"I do not know who he is, but he is nothing compared to the destructive power of this demon." A demon? All this fuss for a yokai? Why can't it be Sebastian from Black Butler? I wouldn't mind having my soul eaten by him. "This is not a joking matter."

"I know it's not because I ain't laughing. Can you please – oh, pretty please with whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, and a gummy bear on top – get to the mother-effin point?" Dark's right ear twitched. They didn't say a word as their eyes began to close ready for their next power nap. I raised my arms up in irritation and dropped them with the same emotion. A Fucking waste of my mentality. Should've drank coffee with heaps of espresso.

I quickly turned around and started to leave. "What a waste of my fucking time", I muttered.

"...the Shredder..." I paused my next step. The name sounded familiar. "It should... he was responsible for killing your former selves." That got my attention. A flash of light obscured my vision. I was in a temple... with a woman... wait – Misa?! She was smiling at me. She wore a kimono; it was fancy and new.

We were performing a ceremony. This must be the ritual Oroku was mentioning. Scrolls surrounded us as we sat on the floor. I felt her pulse through our touch. That's right. We were in the middle of the ritual. We were going to seal the deal. Make it official. No more Oroku Saki or Misa Hamato. We were going to be free of all family affairs and war. We could have the freedom we've always wanted.

This was the start of our new life.

... or it was...

We felt a powerful aura heading our way. We immediately stood up with weapons on hand. We expected company through the front door. Instead, we had a surprise attack. Everything happened in a blur. I remembered being tossed aside like a used toy. I looked up again to see the Shredder plunging his claws into Misa's stomach!

I felt angry. I heard my voice ring calling for her name. I was terrified seeing the one creature my shadows were afraid of. Without thinking of my safety, I lunged forward, determined for my revenge. Sadly, I was met with a deep cut slicing through my kimono.

I gasped as I clutched my chest. I heaved heavily. I looked at my hand then at my chest. No scratch. No blood.

"You saw Oroku's death. Tragic, is it not?" I turned to the wolf whose eyes were dull red. "They were so young. They were set for matrimony until the Shredder appeared."

Seeing Shredder's metal face and the way his expressions moved flawlessly made me shiver. He was... coming for us... searching for us... why? "Who... who was the Shredder? What was he?" I dared myself to ask.

"The Shredder..." the wolf hummed. "Kuroi Yoroi."

"Black armor?" I translated with a quirk of my eyebrow. "How accurate."

"Yes. Mystic armor, to be precise. Demonic magic. It was the embodiment of evil incarnate. He hungered for power and destruction. He would stop at nothing to gain it."

I stepped forward. "You kept mentioning "he". Was the mystic armor a yokai?"

"In a matter of speaking, yes. A living entity. Whoever wears the suit is succumbed to becoming its life source. He devours the energy of both body and soul. The poor individual never has the power to remove it unless the Shredder has no use. What was more degrading was how the Foot Clan saw the Shredder as their true leader. Their holiness. Light laughed at their belief."

Something was still bothering me. "Why did the Shredder go for us? I mean, Roku and Misa. They wanted nothing to do with the clan war. If I were them, I would travel far, FAR away from all the drama shit they had to endure." Dark hummed again, but it was a thoughtful kind of hum. They lowered their massive head and rested beside their stretched paws. I studied them. "You know something, don't you?" I told them.

"My theory is a theory."

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't walk for God-fucking knows how long just to hear you say a MatPat theory! I have a date to prepare and reservations to make. Give it to me straight, Dark!"

Dark exhaled. "The Shredder was not after your past selves. We were his target. Rather specifically, me."

I blinked. "You? Why?"

"I am Dark. The darkness is my power and my whim; however, darkness can be challenging to master. He needs balance..."

"Which Light can provide. A balance between light and darkness. Dude would've been unstoppable; invincible, even."

"Unfortunately, there was a flaw to the Shredder's plan." I studied Dark as they looked ahead. "Their ritual was not complete. When the Shredder killed the young newlyweds, their souls harbored our wellbeing's. Instead of passing on to the afterlife, their souls were in taboo. Forced to linger on the mortal realm, mortal after mortal."

"And you guys were still attached to them?" I asked, trying to piece together the information. "You could've moved onto another candidate. Find someone else who could've taken the Shredder down."

"We were bound to them to the moment they died. Our existence lingered to their souls. I was aware of this; Light was aware. So, in the end, we put ourselves to rest until it was time to be awakened. Which, I must say, on your awakening, I may have been... a bit..."

"Cranky? You were on your period? Happens to the best of us."

Dark cleared their throat. "Anyway. What I am trying to say is the Foot – this generation of the Foot Clan – are planning to revive their leader once again. And I believe you felt it too."

I shrugged. "More or less. OK! New adjective! Stop Foot Clan from reviving their dead boss. Sounds easy!"

"...they are collecting metal shards to recreate the armor."

I paused. "Collecting shards? We should have time-"

"They are halfway done."

"...and you decided to tell me NOW?! Thanks for the warning."

Dark looked at me with their tired eyes. "You can detect the pieces with the shadows. Send them out like scouts. They will help you."

"Cool. Cool. Question. Doesn't those pieces have a strong effect on the shadows?"

"Yes." Great. I'm fucking screwed. "You need your other half. Leonardo, with a proper spell, can purify the armor temporarily. It should give you enough time to secure the metal piece."

I nodded. Dark made sense. I search for the pieces like a bloodhound and Leo purifies them. Okay. We could do this! How hard could this be?

"Alright, Dark! We'll do your Inuyasha quest! And we're gonna kick ass!" I exclaimed.

Dark stared at me. "I would never understand your phrases."