Episode 28: The Asteroid Coaster 500 Space Race
In Rawls' office, he is doing paperwork again.
Guard: Sir, you have a visitor.
Colonel Rawls: Send him in. (The guard leaves and it was Tanner from the space bush.) Tanner?!
Tanner: Hello, Rawls. Doing paperwork I see.
Colonel Rawls: What do you want, Tanner?! I'm not in the mood for your nonsense today!
Tanner: I'm sure you're wondering about an upcoming space race. It's called The Asteroid Coaster 500! It's a big race track built outside of Asteroid Coaster!
Colonel Rawls: Yeah! I saw that track, and I might enter some of my members to compete, and we will beat you again, just like in the Interstation 5000!
Tanner: We'll see about that. I beat your team the last 5 years and I will do it again! See you at the races!
He laughs and leaves. Rawls growled in anger.
Later in the meeting room...
Colonel Rawls: Everyone, this meeting is about a race that's coming up here in space!
Millie (Mighty B): What's it called?
Colonel Rawls: The Asteroid Coaster 500. It's a 200 lap race. The maximum entry for a team is 7 ships with four people in each ship, and I'm gonna need 4 of you from each group to volunteer for those ships. The rest of you will be the pit crew.
The Coon: My team will be Toolshed, Human Kite and Mysterion.
Colonel Rawls: Okay. That's team 1.
Bessie: Portia, Gwen, Penny and I will be team 2!
Professor Chaos: Pip, Dougie, Damien and I will be team 3.
Randy: Team 4 will be me, Towelie, Gerald and Thomas. Thomas Tucker, not Tom Cat.
Charlie Brown: Team 5 will be me, Snoopy, Linus and Pig-Pen.
Colonel Rawls: Well, do you have racing experience?
Charlie Brown: Yeah. I competed in a motocross event. I won it, but the reward was a free haircut, and I don't have any hair.
Lucy (Peanuts): True. He's bald AF!
Colonel Rawls: Lucy, No bald shaming! Now drop and give me 20!
Lucy (Peanuts): Yes Sir.
She starts doing push-ups.
Strong Suit: Me, Lincoln, Clyde and Lola will be team 6.
Card Counter: I'll be your crew chief.
Colonel Rawls: Okay, so who will be team 7? (Tom, Jerry, Spike and Tyke raised their hands) Okay. It's settled. The rest of you will be the pit crew. Now let's train and win against Space Bush!
Everyone: Yeah!
(Play No Sleep Til Brooklyn by Beastie Boys for this section.)
Everyone in the space tree starts training for the race. Toothpick Sally teaches them the history of the space race. She shows them the ships used for the race. Later, Charlie Brown is flying in the ship and the Peanuts Gang practice doing pitstops. In the space simulator room, Professor Chaos is flying a simulated ship while General Disarray is guiding him through the ships in the simulator while the Archer and Prince of Darkness watch. Rawls shows the the wind tunnel used for the race ships to Call Girl, Bessie and Sally. At Tenorman's fortress, he is also practicing for the race. He, Ginger Boy, Ginger Girl and Armadillo are in their own space simulator and they are ramming into the ships in the simulator. Throughout the song, everybody is training for the race and and continued to learn more about space races. They all continued day and night until the week the race came. The song ends with everyone exhausted after all the training they did.
Colonel Rawls: You're all ready. Now let's beat space bush!
(Play Cherry Bomb by the Runaways for this section.)
Everyone got on the ships and blasted off to Asteroid Coaster Speedway.
Toothpick Sally: Those long days of training have led to this. Put that training to use!
Bessie: We will!
Royal Flush: I am so ready to be apart of a pit crew of a space race team! I was apart of Bobby Fletcher's pit crew back on Earth.
Chance Sureshot: Who's Bobby Fletcher?
Royal Flush: She's one of Earth's greatest race car drivers!
Strong Suit: Isn't Richard Petty one of Earth's greatest race car drivers?
Royal Flush: Yeah, but Bobby Fletcher's one of the greatest! I'm her biggest fan!
Mary Frances: We're approaching the speedway now.
They all approach the big 2.5 mile Superspeedway next to Asteroid Coaster, and it is in a big glass dome. They then landed and got out of the ship wearing oxygen space helmets.
Colonel Rawls: Let's check out the competition.
Due to the track having gravity, they all walked through the garage area and saw all the crews working on the ships for their respective teams.
Sally: Wow! So cool!
The Coon: I wonder who we're up against besides Space Bush.
Portia: Oh no.
Gwen: What?
Portia points at Tenorman and his army of ginger bots next to a race ship. They all groaned in anger upon seeing him.
The Coon: Why the fuck are they here?!
Captain Diabetes: Yeah! I'm pretty sure they didn't pass rookie orientation!
Tenorman and his army of ginger bots approached them.
Scott T: I'll have you know that we did pass! And after I win, I will use the prize money to buy a bunch of weapons to destroy you all!
He cackles evilly and returns to working on his ship.
Sally: He's so getting beat tomorrow.
They noticed Sector V.
Charlie Brown: Hey. You guys are competting too?
Numbuh 1: Yes. And Numbuh 2 agreed to be our crew chief.
Numbuh 4: I cannot wait to race in this event. The feeling of being in a race ship is amazing! I'm gonna win it!
5 Voices in Unison: I don't think so.
They turned to see the Delightful Children From Down The Lane.
DCFDTL: We have a technical alliance with Scott Tenorman. And with his help, we're gonna win this race!
Numbuh 5: I don't think so, Delightful Dorks!
Numbuh 2: Yeah! We're gonna be the ones taking the win!
DCFDTL: Keep telling yourselves that. Anyways, we gotta get ready for qualifying.
Numbuh 4: Wait. The race officials said that only four people are allowed in a ship in this race!
DCFDTL: Father told them to bend the rules for us. Anyways, see ya!
They all cackled evilly.
Kyle: Don't worry, Guys. We won't let them win.
Colonel Rawls: And if you want, you can form a technical alliance with us.
Numbuh 1: Sure. We'll do it. We won't let those delightful dorks win.
Numbuh 3: Yay! We got teammates!
Numbuh 5: Alliance teammates.
Colonel Rawls: Anyways, are you all ready?
Charlie Brown: Yes. We're all in our race uniforms.
Colonel Rawls: Good because qualifying is about to start! The top 40 after qualifying get into the big race tomorrow!
Bessie: Okay. But where did you put our ships?
Colonel Rawls: They're literally right in front of you!
They all noticed the ships.
Bessie: Oh... Okay.
Tanner and his space bush army approach him.
Tanner: Well, Rawls. Looks like you entered 7 teams of nobodies into this race! Looks like you'll have 7 chances of losing!
He laughs hard, angering Rawls.
Colonel Rawls: Just you wait! We're gonna beat you and your team tomorrow!
Tanner: Good luck trying!
He laughs and walks away.
Colonel Rawls: I can't stand him.
Professor Chaos: Who's he?
Colonel Rawls: He's Carlton Tanner. He's the leader of the Space Bush, and he's the guy I was talking to you all about!
Toothpick Sally: He and Rawls have a long history together, and I can tell you that Rawls really hates that guy, and so do we.
Chance Sureshot: Yeah. That guy is a real jerk.
Captain Diabetes: Don't worry. If we all work together, we are sure to win. And with help from those five kids, our chances of winning will be high.
The Coon: I ain't helping you assholes. I'm gonna lead my team to victory.
Strong Suit: Um, hello? The race is all about team work!
Toothpick Sally: Don't start fighting! Get in the ships and hit the track!
Everyone: Okay!
(Play Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves for the rest of this section.)
Everyone who volunteered to be the 7 teams go in the ships and hit the track. Three announcers named Mick Joy, Johnny Rickson, and Leigh Duffey are in the booth.
Mick: Hello and welcome to the 13th annual Asteroid Coaster 500. This race was established back in 2010 and around the same time Sonic Colors came out on Earth. Hello everyone. My name is Mick Joy. Joining me are Johnny Rickson and Leigh Duffey.
Johnny: Yeah. This race is the greatest spectacle in space racing. We have the Interstation 5000 and many other great space races, and we are gonna witness a little bit of history as the Space Tree has entered 7 rookie teams. They're the first team in history to have 7 rookie entries in this big event. With 4 people in one ship, except for one of our entries having 5 people, strategy's gonna be one big play here.
Leigh: Yeah. And let's talk about Space Bush. They have won the last 5 Asteroid Coaster 500s. They are looking to defend their win and keep their winning streak going. Now let's get trackside for qualifying.
At the 0:52 mark, the first ship begins to qualify around the track. After 1 lap, the ship returns to the pits and everyone else goes out one ship at a time, setting qualifying laps to get into the race. The Space Bush entry made their way to the top with a time of 50:618. And after that, the rookies begin to make their qualifying laps, all the rookies who went out before the 7 space tree entries except for Tenorman's team, who qualified 3rd, failed to make the top 40 in qualifying times. The space tree entries were last to make their flying laps. After one of their ships qualified top 15 in 14th, the others went out one at a time and all of them are gonna make it. The last one was Charlie Brown's team. Snoopy flies the ship around the speedway. Everything goes in slow motion when the ship is about to take the checkered flag. Everyone in the space tree was shocked and worried that one of their entries would miss the show. However, Snoopy crossed the line and the time was a 50:980, which was fast enough for 24th.
Mick: 24th for the final Space Tree entries! This means that all 7 space tree entries are in the big show! Out of the 55 teams that qualified, only 10 rookies will be in the field tomorrow and 7 of them are from the Space Tree!
Everyone in the space tree cheered as Snoopy returns the ship to the pits. He, Charlie Brown, Linus and Pig-Pen got out of the ship and the song ends.
Colonel Rawls: Congratulations! Now we have 7 chances of beating Space Bush!
Tanner: Good job Rawls. I didn't expect those nobodies to actually make it. But don't worry. You are sure to lose this race tomorrow!
He laughs and walks away.
Colonel Rawls: He's so getting beat tomorrow.
(Play Runnin' Down a Dream by Tom Petty for this part.)
The next day, it was time for the big race. The crews are all at work on getting the ships ready for the race. The teams are making their final adjustments before driver introductions begin. All the ships were pushed on to the track.
Strong Suit: I am so ready to win.
Linus: So are we, but we have 6 teammates and a technical alliance with the Kids Next Door, Tenorman has one entry while having a technical alliance with the Delightful Children and Space Bush had 5 entries so we need to work together so we can win against Space Bush, the Delightful Children and Tenorman.
Spike: The blanket kid is right. This means no funny business!
Tom and Jerry had innocent smiles on their faces.
(Play Space Race by Billy Preston for this short part.)
Randy walks in slow motion in his space race uniform. He then approached Sharon.
Randy: Don't I look good in uniform?
Sharon: Yes you do. Besides the weed smell of course.
Mysterion looks at distance and notices his family approaching them wearing oxygen space helmets.
Stuart: Hey Randy!
Randy: Stuart! You came all the way in space to see us?
Carol: We sure did. We came to root for you.
Colonel Rawls: Welcome to the Space Tree, you four.
Kevin M: Thanks Sir.
Karen: Guardian Angel!
She tried to hugs Mysterion until...
Card Counter: If you try to hug Mysterion, the helmets will break.
Karen: Oh...
Colonel Rawls: To the ones wearing superhero uniforms, you may want to change out of those. I'm pretty sure they want you in appropriate uniforms for this race.
Captain Diabetes: Okay.
A few moments later, everyone gets in their respective ships.
Announcer: Here to give the command to fire engines, the leaders of all the space stations around the galaxy!
Space Station Leaders: Drivers, start your engines!
(Play Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith for this short part.)
All the teams fired their engines and are about to get on the track.
Mick: The drivers have fired their engines and they are about to get the Asteroid Coaster 500 underway!
A few minutes later, the teams are all on track doing pace laps behind the pace ship.
Toothpick Sally (Through Radio): One thing I forgot to mention, every year in this event, they do four wide salutes before the final pace lap.
Bessie: Okay. And thanks for volunteering to be our crew chief.
Toothpick Sally (Through Radio): You're welcome.
Ginger Bot 1 (Through Radio): Scott, you ready to beat those space tree freaks?
Scott T: Yes I am! Eric Cartman is going down!
Numbuh 1: Let's take those Delightful Dorks down!
Numbuh 4: Yeah!
They are all beginning to do a four wide salute to the fans, who traveled all across the Galaxy to see the race. The race is also televised on every planet, including Earth. Everybody is still four wide behind the pace ship.
Darcy: This is so awesome!
Lisa: They do this in the races Lynn watches. And Lynn, when the green flag drops, try to get a many positions as you can.
Lynn: Will so, Sis.
Lynn Sr: I'm rooting for you!
Rita: Me too!
The ships are still four wide in the backstretch.
Johnny: From Asteroid Coaster Speedway, you wanted the best, you got 'em four abreast! Off and imitated, never duplicated! The greatest show in Space: The Asteroid Coaster 500 Space Race!
(Play For Those About to Rock [We Salute You] by AC/DC for this part and skip to 3:55)
The fireworks were lit and exploded into space and the fans cheer as the ships follow the pace ship between turns 3 and 4 and coming to the tri-oval. The lights went off on the pace ship and everyone went back to double file formation and the song ends. And a moment later, the pace ship goes to pit road.
Scott M (Through Radio): Green Flag is about to wave. Get ready!
(Play Gimme Some Lovin' by the Spencer Davis Group for the rest of this section.)
The green flag waves and the 200 lap race begins.
Mick: Green Flag in the air and the 200 lap space race is underway!
All 40 ships race in the pack around the track for a full lap. One ship goes three wide and the another ship goes with them. Snoopy follows his ship behind the 2 and a third line forms down the backstretch. The Space Bush entry leads into turn 3.
Leigh: 3 wide already and a line is forming! And that line is gonna bring multiple ships with them!
They enter the 2nd lap moments later.
Sharon: Randy, you got this!
Randy: Time to win this race for Tegridy!
Towelie: Yeah!
Craig: Come on Dad!
Tricia: We're rooting for you!
Laura: Go Thomas!
Randy's entry has made it to the top 10 with help from Tom and Jerry's entry. The cat follows Randy around the track as all 40 ship are still racing 3 wide in a pack. Meanwhile, the Peanuts entry of Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Linus and Pig-Pen are 3rd in line down the backstretch. The 3rd line is about the challenge the other 2, but the pole sitters from the Space Bush entry block that line.
Competitor: What the hell?!
2 laps later, 5 ships decided to drop out of the pack and play it safe in their own pack. The pack of 35 ships are all within 2 seconds of each other.
Johnny: This is the most epic racing we have ever seen and we are only 4 laps into the greatest Space Race in the galaxy!
Mick: This is just like what you would see at Daytona and Talladega in NASCAR on Earth! This is the Daytona 500 of space races. But after lap 200, we will determine who will win the Asteroid Coaster 500!
(Play I Can't Drive 55 by Sammy Hagar for this section.)
They complete lap 5 and they are all still racing in a pack. 2 more ships drop out of the pack and it becomes a 33 ship pack with the pack of 7 running almost a second behind in a single file.
Scott M (Through Radio): Butters, you should drop back and play it save. You're last in line, and we want wait for a caution to come out.
Butters: But Scott, we can reel them in.
Scott M (Though Radio): Butters, I'm telling you. If the leaders crash, everyone else get caught up in it, including you. As much as I want us to win, we can't risk tearing up the ship.
Dougie: We should listen to Scott.
Damien: Fuck that! I want to win!
Pip: It's up to Butters to decide.
Butters: I'm not dropping back.
Scott M (Through Radio): Butters, I'm telling you. You're last in line and we can't risk destroying the ship!
Damien: (Mimics Scott) Butters, I'm telling you. You're last in line and we can't risk destroying the ship! I'm Scott Malkinson! I've got diabetes!
They all laughed hard.
Scott M (Through radio): I can hear you!
Bessie is about to take the lead in her entry.
Gwen: Past those Space Bush guys!
Bessie: We have no help!
That was before Snoopy lines up behind the honeybee scout entry.
Linus: Good job Snoopy! Now we can help Bessie and her friends get to the lead!
Mick: Looks like we're about to see a lead change for the first time today!
Leigh: The Peanuts entry is gonna push their all female teammates to the lead! The Space Tree takes the lead off turn 4 and are now 1-2!
Tanner: What?!
Colonel Rawls: Looks like my all rookie lineup has taken the lead from one of your lineups!
Tanner: The rest of my entries, get to the front immediately and help your teammates!
On Lap 7, Sector V's race ship gives Tom and Jerry's ship help and they are up to 3rd.
Numbuh 3: I love helping others!
Numbuh 5: Remember. We have to beat those Delightful Dorks, Space Bush and Tenorman.
Numbuh 1: We know that.
Numbuh 2 (Through Radio): The Delightful Children are right next to you.
Numbuh 4: Oh no. I don't think so!
He begins to get the ship to break away from the while pushing Tom and Jerry's ship.
Numbuh 1: Nice one, Numbuh 4.
DCFDTL: The race isn't over yet, Kids Next Door!
Later on lap 10, the other space tree entries continue to get to the front with help with from the other ships. But one of the ships begins to spin.
Lynn: What the?
The ship spins and crashes into the wall. It was one of their competitors in the ship from the Space Flower and they are all out of the race.
Lincoln: Oh my god!
The yellow flag waves and the song ends. They all climbed out of their destroyed and got in a space ambulance. They were taken to the infield care center.
(Play Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast by Airborne for this short section.)
On lap 13, everyone enters the pits and they have made adjustments and added fuel to the ships. Lana makes adjustments to her entry while the rest add fuel. After all the pit crews finished adding fuel and making adjustments, all the ships go back out on track, with the ship with Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Linus and Pig-Pen leading and Tenorman's entry a close second behind.
Mick: What a close pitstop and the 2 rookie entries lead off the pit road! And unlike the Interstation 5000
Tanner: Goddamn it!
Colonel Rawls: Looks like your winning streak is gonna come to an end!
Tanner: It won't be like this for that long!
(Play Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf for this section.)
On Lap 18, the ship took the green flag and they all start racing together in a pack. Everyone gets up to speed entering turn 1 and they all reached top speed. Later on lap 25, everybody is 3 wide and trying to change lands without attempting to wrench each other. Tenorman drives his ship into the space tree entry and they are all giving it their all.
Sally: Come on, Big Brother! Don't let Tenorman push you around!
Sharon: Come on, Randy!
Everybody continues to fight hard for the lead. Much later on lap 40, they are still battling for the lead and continues to fight for what's right. More ships behind to shove each other aggressively. Some ship dropped back to avoid getting involved in it. The Space Bush entry try to force themselves to the lead, but Tenorman blocks them.
Scott T: I won't lose the lead to you!
They all continue racing hard in pack, which is now 29 ships. On lap 45, they are all about to be in their first green flag pit window. Some ships dive into the pits to add fuel and make adjustments. They then exited the pits and then all the other ships made it to the pits and do the same one lap later. Everyone has made their pitstops and are all in a single file line.
Hans: Looks like we have the lead!
Lars: Yeah!
They and two other space bush personnel laugh as they lead the pack of ships which is now 39 again. One ship was out due to a crash and everyone else are all single file.
Tanner: My team is gonna lead before the end of the first segment! Take that, Rawls! We'll be on the road to 6 straight wins!
Colonel Rawls: We'll see about that!
(Play Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler for this section.)
On Lap 55, they are a still single file and are about to stay tamed. Nobody is planning on dropping out of line.
Mick: Ever since that round of green flag pitstops, they have been single file.
Leigh: Yeah. This is the type of racing you would see on Earth during NASCAR Races. But unlike this event, these do not have tire changing pitstops. They only have to adjust the ship to their liking, add fuel and repair damage, unless it's terminal.
Johnny: We are about to be 5 to go before the end of the first segment of the race. After that, we go to an open red period where they make changes to the ships, add adjustments and add fuel. They have to make sure they have enough fuel in order to have long runs.
Butters: Scott, should we pull out of line?
Scott M (Through Radio): No. You're in 27th! You'll be kicked out of the pack in a hurry!
Pip: Ask him how our teammates are doing.
Butters: How are our teammates doing?
Scott M (Through Radio): All of them except for Tom and Jerry's entry are in the top 10. Highest running is the Peanuts entry in 3rd place. Tom and Jerry's entry are running in 18th.
Clark: He'd make a terrible crew chief.
Ellen: Come on, Clark. He's doing well.
Clark rolls his eyes, and later near the end of lap 59, they race off turn four, and at the line, 10 ships pull out of line to try to work together. One of them was the Peanuts entry in 3rd place.
Pig-Pen: Snoopy, get us to the lead!
Snoopy nods and the 10 ship pack is trying to pass the other pack beside them, but had no more help until 5 more ships pulled out of line. Butters makes the ship he's racing in join the pack in the bottom.
Leigh: Look at this amazing race! This is the greatest space racing you have ever seen!
Mick: Well, they all gotta be careful. If one guy has a problem at the front, it's gonna take out half the field. And unlike regular space ships, these space ships go over 200 miles per hour, and these ships do not go in light speed.
5 more ships join the pack in the bottom and 2 are from the space rock and 3 are from the space flower. They enter turn 3 and they are all about to have a 5 minute break in one turn.
Johnny: And coming off turn 4, the winner of segment one is gonna be... (All the ships cross the line and it was Space Bush that won the first segment and the song ends.) ...Space Bush!
Mick: Unbelievable! In a photo finish and the yellow waves to end the segment. Now teams will try to make changes to their ships.
Colonel Rawls: Damn it!
Tanner: Take that, Rawls!
Colonel Rawls: This race isn't over yet, Tanner!
(Play the original version of Asteroid Coaster Act 1 from Sonic Colors for this section.)
Everyone in the ships enter the pits and make changes to the ship to improve their performances. They then start to add fuel. After the 5 minutes were up, everyone was finished making adjustments and some repairs and they went out.
Shermy: How are the new adjustments?
Charlie Brown: They're good. We feel comfortable in our ship.
Shermy: Okay. You're about to restart 2nd, so find a way to get in front of those Space Bush guys.
Linus: Will do.
Numbuh 2: Are the adjustments okay?
Numbuh 1: Yes. Thanks.
Numbuh 2: You're welcome. And guys, thanks for agreeing to be our pit crew.
Numbuh 42: No problem.
Numbuh 74.239: Yeah. We make an awesome pit crew.
Numbuh 2: Yup.
(Play Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins for this section.)
The race restarts on lap 65 and they are all getting ready to race double file.
Mick: We are back underway in the world's greatest Space Race.
All 39 remaining race ships race together in the pack and begin to reach top speed down the backstretch.
Stuart: You got this, Randy!
Sheila: Gerald, Kyle, I'm rooting for you!
Linda S: Come on, Butters! You got this!
Later on lap 70, some ships battle for the lead while running 3 wide.
Leigh: Three wide for the lead! Which pack will come out and pull away?
Johnny: The Team Tenorman entry trying to take the lead, but here comes one of the Space Tree entries!
Mick: It's the entry piloted by Eric Cartman and 3 passengers Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick!
Scott T: I am so not losing to you!
He tries to force them below the double yellow line, but get a little loose entering turn 3.
Leigh: Whoa! The Team Tenorman entry's getting loose!
Armadillo: Oh shit! Oh shit!
Ginger Girl: We're gonna crash!
Scott T: Oh no we're not!
He managed to control the ship and prevent it from crashing, but the middle lane stacks up and loses a bunch of spots and two ships spin off turn 4.
Mick: Trouble turn 4! 2 ships go around! It's the Space Log and one of the Space Flower entries! Caution flag is out!
The two ships that spun out activated their landing gear and slid to a stop. They then started up and began to catch up the the slowed down pack behind the pace ship.
Cartman: What the fuck is wrong with him?!
Kyle: You feeding him his parents is what is wrong with him!
Cartman: Fuck you Kahl!
Wendy (Through Radio): Guys, as your crew chief, this is no time for fighting! Do you guys have any damage to the ship?
Stan: No. We didn't feel the ship getting touched.
Wendy (Through Radio): Okay. Good. Be careful and try not to wreck the ship.
(Play Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks for this section.)
The pace ship enters the pits with the top 15 ships staying out with everyone else coming in. The green flag waves on lap 74. The two ships that spun out continued on. Later on lap 80, they battle for the lead in double file formation.
Linus: Space Bush isn't giving up that easy.
Pig-Pen: Neither are we. Let's go and try to build a gap!
Charlie Brown: The pack is just gonna catch up.
Linus: Yeah. But don't worry, we'll try to keep the lead.
Butters' ship closes in on the top 5.
Butters: I'm almost to the lead!
Scott M (Through Radio): One of our teammates is in the lead. Stay in their lane and try not to do anything reckless.
Damien: Oh really?
Scott M (Through Radio): Yes really! And don't talk back to your crew chief!
Damien: The crew chiefs aren't that important.
Dougie: Don't say that.
Pip: Yeah. They help drivers try to get better performances on track.
Damien: Fuck you.
The ships continue to battle and on lap 90, the 4th caution comes out with a ship blowing an engine. The race later restarts on lap 95 and the battles start up again. All the ships made pitstops and are battling for the lead in 3 wide formation. All 38 remaining ships are within 2 seconds of each other.
Toothpick Sally (Through Radio): You're three wide on the bottom. 2nd in line behind Tenorman.
Bessie: Can we try to help our teammates?
Toothpick Sally (Through Radio): Everyone's all stacked up, so no. We can't help them out right now.
Bessie: Aw.
The ships continued to battle for multiple positions.
(Play Fuel by Metallica for this short part.)
On lap 105, trouble happens as the space rock ship spins and takes out over 16 ships down the backstretch!
Mick: Whoa! Trouble! Big trouble down the backstretch!
Leigh: Almost half the field is involve in this pileup!
Lisa: Look out!
Lynn tries to get through the accident, but a ship slams into them and they land heavily in the dirt.
Lynn: Damn it!
In the pits, all the crews are worried about their drivers involved in the accident.
Tuffy: Uncle Jerry? Uncle Jerry!
Tom and Jerry got up and out of their ship with Spike and Tyke. One of the Space Bush ships was destroyed. Everyone managed to climb out of the ships uninjured.
Lincoln: That's our race over.
Lynn: FUCK!
Rita (Through Radio): Language, Junior! But I'm glad you're all okay.
The flag waver waves the red flag and all the ships are parked in the pits.
Colonel Rawls: I lost two entries in that wreck!
Tanner: Ha!
Colonel Rawls: Why are you laughing?! You lose one entry on that crash!
Tanner: I know, but I still have 4 more.
Colonel Rawls: I have one more than you!
Tanner: Oh whatever!
(Play Black Betty by Ram Jam for this short section and skip to 0:35.)
After a 15 minute red flag, everyone is back on track behind the pace ship. They then begin slowly make it to to the pits. They made adjustments and added fuel. After that, they made it back on track behind the pace ship.
Mick: Team Tenorman leads the field off the pit lane.
Leigh: He has one of the ships to beat. Will he have a shot of winning?
In South Park, everyone is watching the race at Tolkien's farmhouse.
Theresa: I don't want him winning.
Isla: Me neither. Our friends better beat him.
Tweek: Yeah!
Bebe: I hope they don't lose this.
Nichole: Same here.
Tolkien: Yeah. They really need to win.
(Play Kickstart My Heart by Möltey Crüe for this section.)
On Lap 110, the race restarts and 27 remaining ships start racing again. 5 of the ships involving in the accident escaped with minor damage, which was repaired. All the ships race into turn 1 with Tenorman leading. They all fight and battle for the win.
Pip: Looks like we're in 2nd!
Butters: Now let's take the lead!
They try to make a pass for the lead, but Tenorman blocks them. They then reached the backstretch. Everybody is racing in 3 wide formation mid pack. Everybody in the ships continue fighting for every position they could get. Sector V's ship was in a side by side battle with the Delightful Children's ship and they managed to over take them with drafting help from Bessie's ship. Later on lap 119, the race off turn 4 and are about to battle for the win in segment 2. Butters sees the space bush entry about to steal their lead. Tenorman was shoved to mid pack and the final lap of segment 2 was epic and wild. Butters has had enough and takes out the Space Bush entry who started on the pole.
Leigh: Oh no! One of the Space Tree entries has taken out our pole sitter!
Colonel Rawls: Yeah! Take that, Tanner!
Tanner: DAMN IT!!! WHOEVER THAT KID IS, PARK HIM FOR THE REST OF THE RACE!!!
They raced back to the line and Butters lost the lead to their teammate, who's ship was piloted by Snoopy.
Mick: Space Tree wins segment 2 of the Asteroid Coaster 500!
(Play the original version of Asteroid Coaster Act 2 from Sonic Colors for this section.)
Everybody has another 5 minute break and the teams work on their ships. They continue to work their magic by adding faster adjustment and and putting fuel in the ships.After the break is up, everyone except Butters' entry left the pits.
Butters: What's going on?!
Scott M (Through Radio): You got a one lap penalty for intentionally causing a collision, so you have to stay in the pits until the field passes by.
Butters: What?!
Damien: Seriously?!
Pip: Damn it!
Dougie: I did want to win, but now we're gonna be a lap down, thanks to your dumbass move!
Butters: I'm sorry!
Damien: If we don't win because of this, I will destroy you!
(Play Born to Rise by Redlight King for this section.)
Everyone passes Butters on track and his entry is put a lap behind. At the 0:10 mark, he gets out of the pits and makes his way to the back of the field, when they took the green flag on lap 125.
Butters: This is bullshit!
Everybody gets up to speed when they reached the backstretch. The final segment of the race was underway. Everybody in the ships race hard as Butters tries to get to the front of the field so he can unlap himself.
Stephen: Butters, if you don't finish this race on the lead lap, you're grounded for a week!
Butters: We better hope for a caution!
Pip: I don't think we'll be getting one anytime soon.
Dougie: Are you sure? Because we are all pack racing right now. And if someone up front crashes, it's gonna take out everyone else.
On Lap 130, Butters' entry was mid pack with Sector V's ship behind them.
Numbuh 1: We must get them back on the lead lap. Numbuh 4, can you push them to the front of the pack?
Numbuh 4: On it!
Sector V's ship begins to shove Butters' entry and both ships begin to lead a third line off turn 4.
Scott M (Through Radio): Our alliance teammate is pushing us to the front to get us our lap back.
Butters: Okay. Cool.
Damien: It still doesn't change the fact that you got us a lap down by wrecking people like an asshole!
Butters: I said I was sorry!
Dougie: You do know if we get caught up in a crash, it's your fault for getting us trapped a lap behind.
Butters: Come on, Guys. Give me a break.
Damien: If we lose, I'm burning you to death.
Pip: Isn't that going a bit too far?
Damien: Fuck off, Pip! I'm angry that we're trapped a lap down!
On Lap 135, they continued to fight their way to the front of the field until they are side by side with the leader. By lap 140, Butters' entry is now leading the pack after he past the leader to get his lap back. A ship mid pack spins out and activates its landing gear, bringing out the yellow. Butters then takes his entry to the back of the field.
Butters: We're back on the lead lap.
Pip: Thank god.
(Play Eye of the Tiger by Survivor for this section.)
Some shops making pitstops and after that, they make catch back up to the field. The green flag waves on lap 143. Everybody is fighting for the lead to determine who's gonna win the race. Tenorman blocks Space Bush, which leaves the lane open for the Space Tree entries to take the lead led by the Mighty B characters. They all continued to battle for the lead.
Bessie: We're gonna win this! First female winners in this event!
Hans: I don't think so!
The Space Bush entry dives to the middle lane and attempted to run them off the track.
Scott T: Hey! I have an idea! How about we team up and wreck all the Space Tree guys out of the race?
Lars: Hell no! We don't team up with our competition!
They continued to race hard in the pack. Later on lap 150, 2 ships who were damaged in the big pileup get put a lap down. Meanwhile in the pits, the space tree entries who were taken out joined the pit crew.
Lincoln: Mind if we join you since we're out of the race?
Lana: Sure thing, and we're glad you're okay.
Violet: Yeah. That wreck was scary.
Lucy (Peanuts): I'm surprised nobody got hurt or killed in that.
Colonel Rawls: That's because of all the safety upgrades they put in these ships to prevent injuries of deaths in crashes.
Patty: That's good that they added those safety upgrades.
Chance Sureshot: Yeah.
Back on track, they continue to battle for the lead and the battle continues to lap 160. The Space Tree entry piloted by Snoopy takes the lead while his teammate piloted by Butters is in front of them, but in position to catch back up to the rest of the field due to the one lap penalty. The caution waves due to a ship from the Space Rock being slow on track.
Mick: Yellow is back out. A ship is slow on the front stretch.
(Play White Knuckle Ride by Lynyrd Skynyrd for this section.)
The Space Tree piloted by Butters was in front of the pack and he takes the ship around the speedway and slowed down when he caught up to the rest of the field.
Butters: We're back in contention.
Scott M (Through radio): Good. Don't wreck anyone ever again. We gotta finish this in one piece.
Dougie: Yeah. We gotta try to get as many places as we can.
Butters: Okay. Fine.
Everyone comes into the pits to make their final pitstops. After that, they made their way out of the pits. The green flag waves on lap 164. They all start to get aggressive while fighting for the lead. Butters' Space Tree entry changes their way through the field and made it to the top 20. The pack continues to fight hard for the lead and possibly the winwhile their teammates try to hold off Tenorman and the Space Bush entries.
Snoopy: AAUGH!
Pig-Pen: We gotta keep these positions!
They all race their way into the backstretch. The ships begin to form a 3 wide line.
(Play Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd for this section.)
On lap 167, they all continue fighting for the lead. All the ships continue to fight for any position they can get.
Tanner: Fools, take the lead and keep it for the rest of the race!
Lars: We can't let them beat us!
They force their way to a side by side battle for the lead with the Space Tree entries. Meanwhile in the pits...
Lucy (Peanuts): You blockheads better win this race or I'll pound you!
Sally: Come on! Win this!
Hilary: I'm rooting for you Bessie!
Ben: Me too! You got this!
Happy howls as his owner and her fellow scouts try to take the lead from their teammates and rivals.
Bessie: We gotta win this!
Penny: Can't this go any faster?
Portia: Only if we're behind the other ships!
Gwen: Yeah! We're not gonna lose this race!
Later on lap 170, all the ships are back to double wide formation with some ships moving to the top lane. There are now 10 ships on the bottom lane while 16 ships are on the top lane. It then become 14 because the 2 damaged ships enter the pits and the 8 people on those two ships exited and ended their race early.
Leigh: The two ships that were involved in that big pileup are out. Their pit crews have pushed them behind the wall.
Later on lap 173, more ships drop down to the bottom lane to help that lane pass the other for the lead.
Scott T: We are so winning this race!
Cartman: Oh hell no you're not!
They both made slight contact and kept it going.
Mick: Whoa! There's a little contact between the two ships leading the lanes! They managed to save it and the caution flag is out! Debris in turns 3 and 4!
Toothpick Sally (Through Radio): Okay. This is your last chance to make a pitstop. So come on in and we can try to make some adjustments.
Bessie: Okay!
(Play Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin for this short section.)
Everybody enters the pits the next lap and made adjustments and added fuel. All the pit crews from their respective entries are hard at work on trying to get their teams to the win.
Leigh: The money stop is over and coming out first. It's the Space Tree entry piloted by Snoopy!
Johnny: That pitstop is gonna determined who's gonna win the Greatest Show in Space!
(Play Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses for this section.)
The green flag waves on lap 178. All the ships begin racing in double file formation entering the 1st turn.
Sally: Go Big Brother! I am rooting for you!
Stephen: Butters, win this race!
Linda S: Yeah! We're gonna cheer for you!
Randy: Time to shift this into maximum overdrive!
Towelie: Tegridy for the win! Let's do this!
Randy takes his ship 3 wide with the leaders on the backstretch. The remaining ships continue fighting for the win. Butters is stuck mid pack in his ship and then he lines up one of the Space Rock entries still remaining in the race. On lap 180, they are now side by side for the lead.
DCFTDL: Looks like we're leading the race now!
Scott T: Yeah. We know.
Numbuh 4: We are so not losing this race!
Charlie Brown: Guys, we gotta get our alliance teammates to the front!
Linus: Okay!
Numbuh 2 (Through Radio): Our alliance teammates are gonna push you to the front.
Numbuh 1: Okay. Let's beat those delightful dorks!
They have taken the lead and cleared the delightful children.
DCFTDL: Oh no you don't!
(Play All My Life by Foo Fighters for the rest of this section.)
They begin to go side by side with Sector V's ship.
Numbuh 5: Those delightful dorks won't give up!
Numbuh 1: Neither will we! Let's finish this race!
Charlie Brown: Linus, we gotta keep them infront of the delightful children!
Linus: Right!
Scott T: We must keep those delightful children in front of those brats!
Ginger Girl: Okay Sir!
Both ships continued to push the ships in front of them.
Charlie Brown: Come on...
On lap 185, they are still fighting for the win with positions changing every lap.
Mick: This space race is getting crazy! Who is gonna with the Asteroid Coaster 500!
Johnny: With only 16 laps to go, it's anybody's race! Who is gonna win this event? Will it be Space Bush for the 6th year in a row? Will it be Team Tenorman in their first Asteroid Coaster 500? Will it be Team Kids Next Door, who are also in their first Asteriod Coaster 500? Or will it be the Space Tree, who has never won this event? They have won the Interstation 5000, but never in this historic event that began in 2010.
Colonel Rawls: Come on! Get us that trophy!
Tanner: I'm getting that trophy again, not you!
Colonel Rawls: I don't think so, Tanner!
Later near the end of lap 190, they race off turn 4 still trying to clear each other for the lead.
Bessie: We gotta win this! For our fellow honeybee scouts back on Earth! Let's do this!
Penny: Yeah!
Portia: We need to avoid Tenorman, the Delightful Children and Space Bush first!
Gwen: Yeah!
They cross the line and it is 10 laps to go in the Asteroid Coaster 500.
(Play Thunderstruck by AC/DC for this section.)
Mick: It is 10 laps to go and they are still trying to fight for the lead!
Sharon: Come on! Come on!
It cuts to South Park as everyone is still watching the race and rooting for their friends.
Theresa: Don't let Dorky win!
Isla: Yeah! Anyone but Dorky! And I don't want Tenorman winning either!
Tolkien: Come on Stan.
Bebe: Come on! Let's go!
It cuts back to the race and everybody is still trying to pass each other. On lap 192, the lead changes again and it was Space Bush leading again with Tenorman behind them. The 5 remaining Space Tree entries line up to preform a last minute charge.
Charlie Brown: Snoopy, we're 3rd in line. Let's get our teammates to the front!
Snoopy nods and all the Space Tree ships all continue to charge to the lead, but Space Bush blocks them.
Mick: Whoa! And Lars, Hans and their 2 co racers throw the block!
Leigh: It's gonna open the lane for Tenorman and he takes the lead!
Cartman: God fucking damn it!
Kyle: We need to get the Space Tree a win in this race!
Stan: Let's try to go 3 wide with them!
Bessie: Our teammates are gonna go 3 wide, so let's follow them!
All the remaining Space Tree entries pull out of line to go 3 wide and Space Bush is dropping like a rock.
Tanner: No!
Colonel Rawls: Yes! Looks like my team is gonna win this event!
Tanner: You fools better get back around them!
The other Space Bush entry and a few other ships line up behind them and try to push them to the front. All 24 remaining ships battle for the win in this race.
Lincoln: Come on Guys!
Lynn: You got this!
Chance Sureshot: We need this victory!
Later on lap 197, they are all racing down the backstretch with 4 laps to go. All the ships are double wide, trying to take the lead. They all continue to try to pass each other entering turn 3.
Mick: They are still double wide and trying to take the lead in this race! Who is gonna win this event?!
They crossed the line after exiting turn 4 and it is 3 laps to go. Everybody is continuing to root for their friends and the song ends.
(Play the original version of Asteroid Coaster Act 3 from Sonic Colors for this section.)
Leigh: 3 laps to go! Who is gonna win this race?!
Johnny: Team Space Tree has all 5 of their remaining entries and their alliance teammates from Team Kids Next Door working together and trying to take the win away from their rivals! They make their way to the backstretch trying to take the win! They are all trying to build a run! Team Tenorman makes it 3 wide for the lead!
Cartman: We are so not losing this race!
Kyle: Yeah! We gotta win this!
Butters: We are 4th in line! We gotta make a last lap effort to...
Pip: But our formation will break and we'll lose!
Dougie: Yeah!
A lap later, it is 2 laps to go and they are all racing down the backstretch trying to win the race. Everybody is still trying to take the win and they reach turn 3. They all race 3 wide off turn 4 and the flag man waves the white flag as everyone crosses the line.
Mick: White Flag in the air! Final lap of the Asteroid Coaster 500! Who is gonna... Whoa! 2 ships go around and we stay under green! They are out of the racing line!
Leigh: And then there was 22! Who is gonna win the Asteorid Coaster 500! They race down the backstretch still 3 wide and now they are 4 wide entering turn 3! Who is gonna win this event?!
Colonel Rawls: COME ON! COME ON!
The crowd goes wild as everybody continues cheering for their favorite racers as they are about to race off turn 4 for the final time and just as the flag man is about to wave the checkered flag...
Scott T: If I can't win this race, NOBODY CAN!
Ginger Girl: Boss, what are you...
Just as they race off turn 4 and about to enter the tri-oval, Tenorman rams his ship into the Space Bush entry, and they door slam into the Space Tree entry piloted by Cartman and they spin in front of the pack. Tenorman get side swiped and spins.
Mick: OH BIG TOUBLE!!! MULTI SHIP CRASH COMING TO THE TRI-OVAL!!!
Bessie tried the avoid Tenorman, but they all crash heavily coming to the tri-oval. Butters makes his way past them and just as he is about to take the win, he gets clipped by one of the ships and is about to flip over. And everything is in slow motion.
(Play Take Your Time by the SOS Band for this short part and skip to 1:21.)
Colonel Rawls (In Slow Motion): Holy crap!
To the beat of the song, the ships crash and slam into each other. Randy screams as he gets hit hard by one of the ships. Sector V's ship gets slammed hard by the Delightful Children's ship. Kenny was thrown out of his ship and slams into the pavement and was violently ran over by one of the crashing ships, killing him instantly. The song ends as it goes back to normal speed and Butters' entry crosses the line upside down and slams hard into the fence. Everybody in the grandstands run away as most of the ships smash and explode in huge balls of flame. The ship piloted by Butters is completely demolished as everybody crossed the finish line while still crashing. The two ships that spun earlier on the final lap cross the line and 23rd and 24th respectively. But they couldn't see all the wrecked ships and piled into Sector V and the Delightful Children's ships at the last minute.
Linda S: BUTTERS! NO!!!
Sheila: Jesus Christ!
Hilary: MY BABY!!!
Millie (Mighty B): Oh no!
In South Park, everybody was worried about their friends.
Millie (South Park): I hope they're okay!
In Birchwood, the Peanuts Gang who didn't get sent to space were watching the race in Peppermint Patty's house.
Marcie: It can't be...
Peppermint Patty: No... Don't you die on me, Chuck!
In the Kids Next Door moonbase, the operatives watched the whole thing on the monitor.
Numbuh 362: Oh my goodness. I hope Sector V and everyone else in that crash are all okay!
Numbuh 86: But not the delightful children, right? (She was given angry glares by everyone.) What? Aren't they our worst enemies?!
Numbuh 362: Yes, but that doesn't mean they deserve it!
Back at the track, Butters, Pip, Dougie and Damien climbed out of their destroyed ship and tried to limp their way back to the pits. Everybody onboard their respective ships managed to climb out on their own power.
Numbuh 1: Is everyone alright?
Numbuh 5: Yeah. But Numbuh 5 ain't doing this race again.
Numbuh 3: I hope my Jeff Gordon Racer Rainbow Monkey didn't get destroyed! (She picks it up and it was still in one piece.) Oh thank goodness!
Numbuh 4: Geez! They make Rainbow Monkeys out of everything?!
Cartman: Everything... hurts...
Kenny was burnt to a crisp and he lied dead on the pavement.
Stan: Oh my god! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Charlie Brown: Oh... Everyone alright?
Linus: Yeah. We're fine. But is everyone else okay?
Snoopy looked around and saw everyone except Kenny okay after that horrific crash on the final lap.
Announcer: To everybody still here, we are still trying to determine who won this race. And we are also hoping nobody was seriously hurt or killed. Everybody, please wait to see who won the race and was not injured in the crash.
5 minutes later, they showed the replay of the crash. And then in slow motion, it shows that Butters' ship crossed the line 1st while destroying the fence.
(Play We Are The Champions by Queen for the rest of this section.)
Mick: It is official! Team Space Tree wins the Asteroid Coaster 500 with Butters Stotch, Pip Pirrup, Dougie O'Connell and Damien Thorn! Team Space Tree gets their 1st ever win in this event!
Colonel Rawls: YEAH!!! WE DID IT!!!
Tanner: AW NO!!!
Scott T: DAMN IT!!!
DCFDTL: SERIOUSLY?!!!
Announcer: And the Team Tenorman entry has been disqualified for intentionally causing a final lap crash, which pretty much injured several people! They will now finish in last place as everyone who finished behind them will move up one position!
Everybody in the stands boos at Tenorman and cheers for Butters at the same time.
Butters: Did we actually win?
Dougie: Yeah. We did it!
Pip: We won!
At the 0:34 mark of the song, the Melvins celebrated their win while trying not to worsen their pain. Stephen and Linda approach their son and hug him, relieved that he is alive.
Butters: Did I actually win?!
Stephen: Yes you did, Son. You are a Space Race champion!
Cartman: Damn it! Butters won!
Kyle: Hey! At least he's our teammate! Be happy we beat Space Bush, the Delightful Children and Tenorman!
Cartman: Fine.
Numbuh 1: He deserved that victory.
Numbuh 4: Yeah. I'm happy for the fella.
Linda S: I love you, Butters!
Stephen: Me too! We're proud to have you as our son!
Butters: I love you too, Mom and Dad.
Colonel Rawls: In your face, Tanner!
Tanner: Grrr... You may have won this time, but the next space race, my team will be the winners!
He walks away angrily as the medical ships takes the injured people to the hospital.
Dougie: Hey Theresa and Isla! Suck it! I'm a winner and you won't be calling me a loser anytime soon! Ha!
Theresa and Isla watched it angrily that Dougie won.
Theresa: That's it! We're going to space tomorrow!
Isla: Yeah! Let's prepare for our last day on Earth!
Bebe: Marcie called and said all the ships are ready for us to see our friends again.
Douglas: Cool. I get to see my girlfriend again.
(Play Fantasy by Mariah Carey for this section and skip to 0:21.)
Butters and his group of friends are now in their supervillain costumes and splashing soda on each other in victory lane. Rawls joins the celebration cheering that his station is finally a winner in the Asteroid Coaster 500. They took a picture and a Space Newspaper says "Team Chaos wins Asteroid Coaster 500 after massive crash on the last lap" as requested by Butters. It cuts to the space tree, where the chaos group are all in bandages.
Professor Chaos: We finally beat Freedom Pals at something!
The Archer: Yup! We won and they can suck on that!
General Disarray: Yeah! I'm gonna rub in it their faces all night long!
Toolshed, Human Kite and the Coon pass by with bandages on them.
Prince of Darkness: Looks like the villains win for once!
The Coon: Oh fuck off!
They walk away angrily and carefully, and the chaos group celebrates their victory.
Stay tuned for episode 29. And don't worry. Mysterion will be back in the next episode.