I don't own these characters; DC/the CW does.
6: Realization
Kara sat with J'onn in the park. She liked watching the dogs run around, even if she did not try to pet them, but most of the time, she desired to play with them. He liked watching her, a small smile always on his face. It was calming.
"I'm surprised you called me out here," J'onn said, focused forward. He never spoke on it, but he enjoyed watching dogs as well.
Kara nodded, twiddling her fingers together. "I understand I was weird on the phone when I asked you to come. I just wanted to talk to you face to face. I thought it would help me make more sense of these feelings."
"I'm always happy to talk to you and help you however I can. I didn't expect you'd want to do it out in the open like this."
Her brow furrowed as she stared at him. "You know why I want to talk?" She had not mentioned it to him over the phone. She had spoken in an excited rush, even to her own ears, and had not gathered her thoughts beyond getting across she needed his opinion on something. She was still not sure what to say and hoped it would come to her as they conversed.
He shrugged, but his eyes twinkled and his smile persisted. "It's not hard to figure out after Game Night? I noticed how you all reacted. Plus, Lena thinks quite loud when she's excited." He shook his head, still quite amused.
Kara grinned. "I knew she was excited. Alex is harder to read, which is weird to say. I mean, I know Alex like I know myself. I know her soul like I know my own, but I'm not sure if she wants marriage like I could tell Lena did."
He nodded. "I'm not going to tell you Alex's thoughts."
She snorted and put her hands up. "I'd never ask you to do that. I can figure Alex out on my own. She's my bond mate, after all. I might not be as familiar with my home customs as much as I used to, but I can feel what that means. I'm just… I wish she didn't fight things so much."
He chuckled. "She wouldn't be Alex if she didn't. Do you want to be married to her as well? You both seemed like finally acknowledging your bond mate status was enough."
She sighed. "I thought it was, but I think it's partially because I sort of look at Alex as if she's Kryptonian. I'd be fine with us as we are if she really doesn't care for marriage, but I'm not sure if she doesn't. I mean, she wanted to marry Maggie. She asked her and everything."
He nodded. "She did. I think it was more about the future she envisioned with Maggie than her thoughts on marriage. So, what kind of future do you envision with Alex? Is it necessary to be married for that future? Does Alex have a similar vision?"
That made sense. "I suppose I'll have to talk to her, like dig deep. Maybe when we're sparring."
"So, she can scold you about your concentration?"
"I blame you for that."
He grinned and bumped her with his shoulder, earning a giggle. "I'll take that as a compliment. Are you more sure about asking Lena to marry you?"
She had been certain about very few things in her life, but they all had to do with her bond mates. "I am. I have to find a fitting ring and all that, but she wants a real wedding and I want to give it to her. I want to respect her culture as much as she's respected mine, to the point where she allowed me my second bond mate."
"Technically, she's the second, but you're right."
"Thanks for letting me talk to you about this."
He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close in a hug. She sighed and leaned into him. His solid form helped ground her. He was a rock for all of them.
"I'm always here for all of you," he said, showing how skilled he had gotten with reading her. No telepathy necessary. "I'm glad you wanted to talk to me about it."
"Who else would I talk to about it?" She leaned back against the bench.
"Well, Eliza. She'd probably be a better judge of romantic gestures."
She snickered. "Oh, she'd gush and tell me to come pick her up to help choose a ring. I also don't want her to accidentally pressure Alex into giving into marriage or pressing her to propose to me or something. You'd never do that. Even without reading her, you're better at knowing how to deal with Alex than Eliza is, even though she's gotten better."
He hummed and nodded. "Good point."
There was silence for a long moment. "You think I've been leaning too much on them?"
He scoffed. "No. They both need a driving force and you've become excellent at that. Besides, you're not usually wrong with them. You have incredible instincts with them. I mean, it makes sense, especially at this point."
Kara nodded. "We have been soul-bonded long enough for me to understand it. You think the soul-bond doesn't affect them? I thought Kryptonian soul-bonding was supposed to be for any bond mate, but sometimes they fight me on silly stuff."
"They're not really fighting you, but each other. They're not in the same place with each other as they are with you. Not to mention, they don't feel each other as you have a chance to feel them."
Sighing, she stretched out and eyed some dogs chasing a ball for a long moment. They were cute, throwing the ball to each other using their mouths. "I think they're closer than they assume." Alex and Lena always had more feelings for each other than they showed. They more ignored their emotions toward each other than anything else.
"Beyond that, how much of soul-bonding do you understand for them to understand? You were just a child when you were sent here. You weren't really concerning yourself with soul-bonding at the time."
"True and I haven't really consulted anything about how this is meant to work. I'm just going based on my memories and stories I was told as a child." Probably not the best way to understand things, but she could feel the bond and that was enough for her.
"That makes sense. I'm not saying you should go research soul-bonding or anything. Romance shouldn't be treated as a research project, although considering your bond mates, they might consider that fun and jump right in. I'm only saying you can't expect them to know as much as you do… except maybe Alex. You've poured Kryptonian culture into her. Everything you had about your planet and culture, she now has."
"True. And that's why I think of her as Kryptonian." This made her feel less alone in the world.
Even with Kal being on this planet with her, Kara always felt like the last of her kind. The way Alex accepted any and all things from Krypton was one of the things that made Alex home. Out of all of the Kryptonians that popped up through the years, Alex always came across as the closest to the Krypton she remembered. Alex embodied so many Kryptonian principles that survivors had let fall to the wayside.
Kara took a deep breath. "I think I'm just worried over not realizing how much marriage actually meant, especially to Lena. I mean, I love her with everything that makes me who I am. I feel her deep in my soul, a warmth that soothes me and keeps me moving when I need to. Am I being selfish?"
That was the scary thing. Was she pushing her bond mates into things without caring about how they feel about the issues? Like she pushed them together? Was she a terrible bond mate? It was insane to think she could feel them in her soul and not do right by them.
He pulled her into another hug. "You're not. You can only operate with the information you've been given and Lena hadn't given you an indication she wanted a proper proposal and wedding, right? Because that's what matters. You're already married."
She frowned. "But, the way we got married was my fault. I wasn't treating it like something that really mattered or that it was the equivalent of bond mates and we should just grab the paper because we did the bonding ceremony. But, it's more than that. It means more than that."
He nodded. "Does it mean more than that to you?"
She blinked. "Huh?"
"Before you do anything with Lena or Alex, you have to figure out what marriage means to you. They didn't agree to the bonding ceremony to make you happy. It meant something to them. So, what does marriage mean to you? What does it mean to Lena? What does it mean to Alex?"
She rubbed her chin with her index finger. "I guess you're right there." Just when she thought the conversation had run its course, J'onn hit her with the real important questions. What did marriage mean to her? How was it different from bond mates, yet just as important? It had to go beyond her bond mates wanting it.
"Marriage for Alex means a future, a life together, and family," Kara said. When she stopped and thought about it, she understood what marriage was for Alex, which also made her understand how it was different from bond mates, yet just as important. Marriage was more grounded. "Bond mates is about building up each other and making each other better on a spiritual level. Marriage is about building a life, becoming one, and creating something together. They can go hand-in-hand, but they're not exactly the same."
Another smile lit up his usually stern face and it straightened her spine with pride. "Now, you're getting it."
She ran her hand through her hair and rubbed the back of her head. "Should I have gotten this earlier? I mean, I'm almost as human as Alex is Kryptonian and she gets my culture so much better than I do with hers."
"I think you're worrying too much. You know Alex and Lena understand you and will always give you grace." He patted her shoulder again.
He was right about that. She should not worry. She had to talk to them about this and hear their thoughts about it to make better sense of the situation. Guess she did not have all of the answers about their relationship like she liked to pretend. She had to be more open to listening to her bond mates and stop rushing into things. Not to mention, stop rushing them into things.
-8-8-8-8-
Lena found herself at home with only Alex in a very rare moment. Kara got stuck at work thanks to a deadline and lots of mistakes from way too many people. It was fine, as Lena and Alex were able to lose themselves in some science Alex was working on in her lab. They sat at the kitchen island, both staring at their laptops with notepads on the side.
"You know she's going to propose, right?" Alex asked in a casual tone.
Lena nodded. "Of course I do. I'm going to accept. But, what are you going to do if she proposes to you, too?"
"She isn't."
Lena frowned, glancing up from her laptop. "You've been with her much longer than I have. Why wouldn't she propose to you? You're more interested in marriage than you pretend you are."
Alex shrugged. "Am I?" She did not bother to glance at Lena.
Lena poked her. "You proposed to Maggie. Can we stop pretending that didn't happen? Or was it that Maggie was that special to you?" She managed to control that last question being a snap. She did not hold any ill will toward Maggie. It was just her inner omega being a little peeved another omega had her alpha first.
Alex sighed, meeting her eyes. "Maggie was special, but Kara's something more. I'm not pretending about marriage, though. I'm trying to figure out how things work with us. As I said, I think you're both a married couple, which you are."
"Fair. But, seriously, you don't want to properly marry her? Marriage means something to you."
Alex nodded. "It does, but I never saw myself marrying Kara. I always accepted being bond mates with her. Even after we called it quits, if I allowed myself a little flight of fancy, I still viewed us as bond mates. Marriage is something for someone else. The real-life case, someone else being Maggie."
Lena hummed as she took in the information. "Okay. I understand. But, marriage does mean something to you."
"Yes, I suppose it does."
Lena tilted her head. "What if you could marry me?"
Alex shrugged, but took some time to consider it before responding. "I'm not sure yet. I mean, after proposing to Maggie after a year, I think I'd wait a lot longer, get to know you and the relationship better. From what I know now, we haven't gotten to that point."
"That makes sense."
"Enough for us to stop talking about this?" Alex asked.
"Is it because of the Maggie thing or because we can't actually have legal marriage?" Lena countered with an arched eyebrow. Why was Alex so sensitive about this? Yes, it made sense for her to be sensitive about it, but it would be helpful to understand the reason rather than assume, so they could all navigate this issue in the future, so they could all figure out their future.
Alex rubbed her chin. "I'm not sure. I hadn't really thought about it. Maggie was the only person I ever considered marrying. Kara, I never needed that. I'm serious about that. I never considered marriage with Kara, always focused on her culture and marriage wasn't something I had to think about because of that. And, you… well, I think it's too early to think about. I got into things way too early with Maggie."
Lena nodded. Okay, more details made things make sense. "Do you think you'll ever end up at that point?"
Alex smiled, her expression was so warm. "I think so. I tend to think of us as it. This is the last relationship I want to have."
Lena's heart thumped and her stomach flipped. She had not expected the admission to hit her so hard. She reached over for Alex's hand. Alex took it and squeezed.
"I want the same. I agree with everything you said, really," Lena replied.
Alex nodded. "So, one day, things might change and I might want to marry both of you."
"Do you think you'll be disappointed that you can't do it legally?"
"Marriage isn't about a legal contract to me. It's the next step of a relationship."
More things that made sense, which led Lena to a very important question. "What does marriage mean to you, anyway? What made you want to marry Maggie?"
Alex was silent for a long moment. "I saw a perfect future with Maggie. I wanted to build this perfect life with her. She was a reason to come out alive, to come home. Hell, to have a home. Maggie was a life beyond being an agent. Maggie was having a life."
Lena was not sure how to take that information. Did Alex not envision a future with Kara? With her? Okay, no, you're reading too much into that. She had not said those words. There had to be something there if she wanted this to be her last relationship.
"So, you didn't see these things with Kara? Kara isn't home?" Lena asked.
"Well, but I wasn't with Kara at the time…"
Lena squinted as she tried to piece this together. "But, hasn't Kara always been home? You've always been home to her."
Alex's mouth twisted up. "It was different. Back then, I felt like I had to carry Kara. When we're like this, I don't feel like that. So, I suppose it's more the nature of our relationship at the time. What I expect of me dictates how I view her."
Lena nodded. "So, it's more your perception than anything else."
"Isn't that life?" That was rather philosophical with Alex, which was not something she was known for.
"I suppose." Lena wanted more, though.
"When our relationship went back to how it was when I presented, things changed, but I've always considered bond mates with Kara and that was enough. Bond mates have always meant a future with Kara. It has always meant forever with Kara."
"Oh." And this made sense as well. "Bond mates… feeling her… knowing you have a soul does make it seem like forever." She never thought of it that way.
"Forever together. I like that motto even more than stronger together, even though we are definitely stronger together." Alex offered her a bright smile.
Lena smiled back, warmed by the expression. "We are, and I think you're right about this."
Alex put her hand on Lena's thigh. "Look, I love you. One day, I hope I make it to a point with you where I see marriage in the future, even if we can't make it legal. Again, for me, it's not about the paper, but the emotion. The feelings will be there and it'll be enough for me. Will it be enough for you?"
Lena was not sure. "I don't think I can say now. I thought eloping with Kara would be enough as far as marriage is concerned, but I hadn't put much meaning into marriage. Seeing Vas and Lucy made me realize there was more to marriage than I thought."
Alex tilted her head. "What does marriage mean to you now?"
Lena rubbed her hands together as she tried to put words to her feelings. It was not something she had consciously thought about, but her heart yearned for it. "It's still similar to being bond mates, but it's more grounded. It's solid. They could be like a hug. Bond mates is the affectionate warmth while marriage is the physical squeeze."
Alex's eyes sparkled. "I like that."
Lena chuckled. "Feel free to use it. But, more than that, it's something to celebrate with other people and gush to other people how much I love her in more than words. And, it's like you said, it's a future, it's building a life, and making a family. Because bond mates seem so spiritual in comparison, it's really about being us together, on the inside. Marriage is about making something more than us."
Alex rubbed Lena's thigh. "I like all of that. Marriage is more grounded and making something more than us."
Lena gave her an amused smirk. "Are you going to propose to Kara now?"
Alex laughed. "Could you imagine?" Kara would be upset over something like that and since it was Alex, she would throw a tantrum after that. "No. I still think right now, marriage is yours and hers."
Lena pursed her lips. "I don't like you thinking that way, at least with Kara."
"Kara is my future, my forever. I plan to build a life with her and, therefore, with you. Sharing Kryptonian culture with Kara has always been special to me, sacred really. I enjoy being this connection to her culture for her. So, bond mates has always been enough."
Lena understood that. It was important for Kara to have someone to share her culture with and she learned that Clark was unreliable at best. Alex was good for Kara in that sense. She would not rock the boat between them.
"So, you'd never marry Kara if you had the chance?" Lena asked with a furrowed brow.
"It's not that. I mean, if it was just the two of us, yes, I think I'd have married her, but for the legalities and such. She has you for that and you take care of her and let me in as well."
Lena got up and went to wrap her arms around Alex. She kissed Alex's neck. Alex laughed, putting her hands on Lena's forearms. She caressed Lena's arms with her thumbs.
"What's this for?" Alex asked.
Lena snuggled into her neck. "You trusting me with Kara." She inhaled, dizzy off Alex's scent. She smelled so damn tantalizing.
"What do you mean?" Alex turned to look at her.
Lena could not help kissing her on the lips. "You know what I mean. Both of you letting me in, trusting me with each other. I'm very aware of how you are with Kara. I tease her about your being her favorite entity, but she's more than that for you. I understand how important she is for you and the fact that you trust me with her, even before we became an item, I've always understood how big that is. You always had the power to ruin me with Kara and never did. Even when you were being protective of her, you didn't keep her away from me."
Alex chuckled. "You think too highly of me. I couldn't have kept her from you if I wanted to. You're the world for her. You bring light to this world."
Lena smiled. "You're sweet." She kissed Alex's neck once more. "Tasty, too." She chuckled.
"You're just getting off on my scent."
Lena made a show of inhaling deeply. "Are you complaining?"
"Hell, no. I love it."
"Good, because you're my alpha and I get to get high on your scent." Lena rubbed her nose in Alex's neck.
"I promise I won't stop you, my omega."
A jolt went down Lena's smile. She liked being Alex's omega, which she knew. She wanted more, though. This was building into something so much more.
"I love you, my alpha," Lena whispered against Alex's skin. She planted a soft kiss on Alex's neck.
"I love you, too."
Lena purred from the simple phrase. To be loved by these two extraordinary women was something she could barely fathom. But, she felt it down to her bones and beyond. This was the best.
-8-8-8-8-
Alex enjoyed being out as Sentinel when no major catastrophe happened. Mostly because it allowed her to test out her suit's upgrades, which came almost weekly. Lena fiddled with the suit whenever she needed to rest her brain or jumpstart her brain. Brainy messed with the suit whenever he noticed something in a battle. Doing normal patrols was a way to see how things worked without being in a life-threatening situation.
But, more than that, she liked most punks ran at the sight of her. Most street-level hoods would try Supergirl before trying Sentinel. That was the proper reputation for Sentinel in her opinion. Of course, Supergirl had other ideas.
"You're not scaring them straight. You're just scaring them," Supergirl said as they watched a pair of car thieves bolt down the street. Sentinel had only dropped in front of them and that was enough for them to stop the break-in and start their escape.
Sentinel scoffed. "You don't know that. Maybe that was enough to push to send young Nicholas there back to art school." She chuckled behind her mask.
Supergirl laughed. "Young Nicholas, huh? Since when do you storytell?" She grabbed Sentinel to fly back up to a high rooftop. Her battle bike was parked most nights like this. Supergirl liked flying with her, so this was a treat for Supergirl as well. Funny enough, Supergirl pressed Lena and Brainy to figure out how to give Sentinel the ability to fly in her suit, even though it delighted her to haul Sentinel around. She would not mind having someone to fly with more often, though.
"Just getting ready for my wedding toast. I have to be able to tell you and Lena's story at your wedding," Sentinel replied.
Supergirl smiled and did a dreamy twirl. "You're going to come with me to find a ring, yes?"
"Of course. But, before you get ahead of yourself, Stitch, lemme ask you something important."
"Yes?"
"What does marriage mean to you? It's not fair of you to ask Lena to marry you if you're just doing it for her. She didn't agree to be your bond mate just for you. It's something she felt in her soul. What is making you want to marry her?"
Supergirl nodded and her smile did not dim. "This is funny. J'onn asked me the same thing, so I've thought about it a lot."
"You spoke to J'onn about this?" That was not surprising. They all spoke to J'onn when they needed crucial life advice.
"I did and he asked me the same question. So many things make me want to marry Lena, and it's not just her I want to marry."
Sentinel opened her helmet to give Supergirl a look and then closed it back. "I'm aware, but you don't need to marry me and you can only marry one of us. So, let's go with the one you already married."
Supergirl rolled her eyes. "As far as the common law marriages are concerned, I married you first."
Sentinel reached out, taking Supergirl's hand. "I respect that. I get our relationship, Stitch. I don't need a paper to say anything about it. I just want to make sure this is more than a paper to you. More than you checking a box. This has meaning to Lena."
"I'm quite aware and that's part of why I have to do it. This has meaning to me as well. I also love that you talked to Lena about this."
"To be fair, she talked to me about it." It did not go by her that Lena seemed insulted that Alex did not want to marry Kara.
"Just you two having these conversations is amazing. I love how close you both are. I can feel it…" Supergirl rubbed the center of her chest and stared off into the distance.
Sentinel smiled, but it was impossible to see. "We're so deep in your soul, you can feel the changes we make to each other's souls."
"You're both here." Supergirl continued rubbing her chest. "Do you feel me there?"
"All the time. It's been stronger since the ceremony and oddly enough whenever I become closer to Lena."
Supergirl laughed and grinned. "Because she's part of my soul."
Sentinel was glad her face was covered as she just had an epiphany. "So, she's part of my soul, too." She was linked to Lena in a way no other human was to their partner. "Is that how you figured out we would go together well? You could feel it in your soul?"
Supergirl scoffed. "No. I just know you both and know how you love people. I knew once you opened up to each other, you'd love each other the ways you need. But, on the plus side, yes, I can feel how you both feel about each other in a way. Now that you're open to it, you might be able to feel it."
Sentinel was not sure how she felt about that. She was used to it with Kara. It was almost always there as far as she was concerned, even when they tried to distance themselves from each other and the idea of being bond mates. Their souls already had connected. She was not sure how that would look with Lena, but she would have to wait and see.
"All right, before these street punks get out of hand again, have you even thought about what sort of rings you want to give Lena?" Sentinel asked.
"Nope," Supergirl chirped. "I want the ring to be from both of us." She pointed to herself and then to Sentinel.
Sentinel nodded. "I like the idea, but I'd rather a different ring be from both of us. Think of this marriage being between you two and then we can all get another ring for all of us when we're all at the same point in the relationship."
Supergirl sighed. "That's a good idea. I like it, a lot. We'd all end up with two rings."
"Yes, and I like the idea of respecting our couples and us as a trio. That's how we handle things, right?"
Supergirl grinned. "You're right."
"Which reminds me, I owe both of you some dates. I have to get closer to also wanting to marry you, after all." Sentinel chuckled.
Before Supergirl could ask a question or make a comment, they had to go stop some more punks. Sentinel got a chance to showcase a new stun gun feature in her gauntlets. Supergirl winced as Sentinel dropped one of the three would-be robbers in a park. The others tried to run and ran right into Supergirl.
In between their patrols, they got to discuss what kind of ring Lena deserved. Eventually, Alex was certain Kara would design her own ring for Lena, which would be sweet. Lena would melt over it. Alex hoped she would be able to feel it as well as see it.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: the proposal.