By the time the sun rose and washed her room in gold, Josie had been awake for hours. Truthfully, she was never asleep. Instead, Josie had spent hours spread out on her rug, pouring over lines of embroidery on a pair of thrifted jeans.
As the sun crept through her gauzy curtains, Josie stifled a yawn. She reached out blindly until her hand hit the mug of coffee next to her leg. While the coffee was lukewarm and tepid, Josie didn't mind. It mingled with the bitter taste of the cigarettes smoldering in the ashtray on her windowsill.
Coffee and cigarettes reminded her of early mornings spent with her friends in Seattle. Keely was the habitual smoker-always a pack hidden under her mattress or shoved in the bottom of her bag. Everyone else would smoke when she did, but Josie's best friend was always the instigator.
Most of her weekend mornings in Seattle were spent drinking coffee in Keely's room, wrapped in blankets as Keely blew smoke out the open window, hip to hip on the windowsill. Keely would steal sips of coffee, legs extended out onto the roof, and the smell of smoke always lingered on the mug when she handed it back to Josie.
If she focused, Josie could see Keely sitting in that window. Her side profile was soft and unassuming: the sloping nose that she hated, high cheekbones, and long lashes throwing shadows.
Keely would run a finger down the bridge of her nose, doing the same to Josie's with a grin, before declaring how much more regal Josie's Grecian nose was. The sunrise turned her brown hair into copper and set Keely's freckles on fire. When she threw her head back in a laugh at how Josie wrinkled her nose in response, Josie could see the scar inside Keely's mouth from where she would nervously bite her cheek.
It was scary how alive Keely still felt in Josie's head.
Josie ran a finger over the layered silver thread on the light blue fabric. Originally, she had been following a pattern she found online. Somewhere along the way, her embroidery had devolved into clusters of stars that trailed off the higher they rose.
The bottom edges of the jeans were almost completely covered in silver thread, shimmering and winking in the morning sun, while a few solitary stars dotted near the knees. The upper stars were modeled after constellations-Andromeda, Vulpecula, Carina, and Pleiades.
Wetting the tip of her thumb, Josie gently rubbed off the few visible pen marks that mapped her constellations.
It was easiest to think of her friends in the early mornings. Everything was rubbed softer by sleep and all the memories hurt less. Now, sleep-deprived and lulled by the repetition of her embroidery, Josie found it almost impossible to avoid them. The desperate aching of how much she missed them clawed at her ribs.
A soft knock on the door caused Josie to pop her head up. After a call of 'come in,' Baba's head appeared in the doorway.
Her curly hair was braided under a silk sleep scarf while a fluffy robe swallowed the rest of her. Baba rubbed at her eyes, fingers creeping under a pair of reading glasses. "Did you get any sleep, lovey?"
Josie shrugged. It was always hard for her to sleep, but she usually managed to squeeze in around five hours. No matter how much chamomile tea Baba plied her with, Josie was unable to sleep through the night.
Baba carefully walked into Josie's room, picking her way around discarded clothes and spools of thread on the floor, to scratch at her granddaughter's scalp. "Have you thought about going back on your sleeping medication?"
Leaning back into her grandmother's hand, Josie let her eyes slip shut. "It helps me sleep but I'm still tired all day. I talked to Bea about getting a different one, but she said it's a common side-effect for all of them. And I don't want to go through the process of trying all of them."
"If you're sure," Baba clucked her tongue. "I'm going to start giving you an I.V of chamomile and melatonin every night."
Josie giggled. The chamomile tea her grandmother made for her, and the extra-strength melatonin gummies Josie got at the pharmacy, calmed her enough to walk the line between sleeping and awake.
"Come on, Joey." Baba patted Josie twice on the head and gestured to the sun streaming through the windows. "Time to start the day."
Baba left, declaring she had to let the dogs in from the yard and start the kettle, and Josie reluctantly unraveled herself from the floor. Her knees popped in protest.
Kitty looked over from her perch on Josie's window seat. The Maine Coone was stretched over the velvet fabric, soaking in as much sun as possible, looking vaguely put out. After attempting to eat every strand of thread she could get her paws on, Kitty was plucked from Josie's lap and banished to the window seat.
Josie scratched Kitty's head in apology and stifled another yawn.
She floated through the rest of her morning routine; washing her face and brushing her teeth in the creaky bathroom down the hall, braiding the top half of her frizzy waves and pinning them into a halo on the top of her head, and dusting just enough makeup on her face to hide her sleepless night.
The sun had fully bathed her room in light by the time Josie opened her closet. It was partially empty, most of the clothes strewn around the room, except for the orderly lines of shoes on the bottom.
Kitty meowed from the bed, giving her opinion on every outfit that Josie tried on. The outfit Josie chose-her newly embroidered jeans, a delicately patterned floral shirt, and a white fuzzy cardigan-had earned a particularly loud trill from Kitty. Josie slipped into a pair of wool socks, hefted Kitty into her arms, and carefully made her way downstairs.
Baba had already fed the dogs, judging by the drool around Mango's mouth, and both were spread out contentedly on the kitchen floor. The older woman, still in her bathrobe and slippers, was pouring a mixture of tea into a large travel mug.
"Is that for me?" Josie asked hopefully. She gently dumped Kitty onto one of the mismatched chairs around the island. Even after carrying her cat around for years, Josie was never quite able to get a handle on the Maine Coone's giant size.
Baba hummed in assent, stepping over a sprawled Mango to place the cup next to Josie's bookbag on the counter. "Yes, it is. I know, I know-you love me very much, no need to say it."
"I do," Josie gave a quick peck on her grandmother's cheek. "Love you very, very much, that is."
Eyes wide in surprise, Baba carefully tucked a stray strand of hair behind Josie's ears, making sure to avoid touching her skin.
For a grandmother who was very open in her affection, Baba adapted well to Josie's new aversion to touch. As a child, Josie was clingy and constantly all over anyone who would give her attention. As the one who gave her that attention, Baba preened under Josie's affections. She adapted to her granddaughter's preferences admirably. Still, Josie caught the glow of Baba's smile whenever she initiated physical contact.
Josie tapped three times on the countertop and Baba repeated the gesture on one of Josie's braids.
Huffing out an amused breath, Josie slid her backpack onto her shoulders and grabbed the travel mug. "You sure that you don't need the car today?"
Baba picked up her mug and nodded as she took a sip. "All yours. If I'm not home…"
"I'll assume you're out causing trouble." Josie raised an eyebrow at Baba's angelic smile. "It's slightly worrying that you have more of a social life than me."
Baba just shook her head. "I've had a couple more decades than you to find my people. You're just starting out, sweetie."
Josie wanted to agree to Baba's comforting words but a small voice needled at the back of her mind.
I had my people. I had them and now they're dead.
"Thanks, Baba." Josie forced a smile on her face. "I'll be back after school."
"Do you want to hear the shit that McCall is trying to pull?" Lydia asked.
Josie peeked an eye open as Lydia slid into the seat next to her. Her strawberry blonde curls fell artfully over her shoulder as she carefully adjusted her skirt. Josie felt a stab of envy as Lydia's hair glowed under the library's weak light.
Deciding to confront her jealousy later, Josie lifted her head off her pillowed arms. She gave Lydia a conspiratorial smile. "Duh."
Josie had promised her study hall teacher that she was going to the library to work on Chemistry homework. Instead, she was one failed problem away from dropping out of school. Her worksheets were spread out around her as proof of her valiant effort.
Vaguely wondering how Lydia knew where to find her, Josie raised her eyebrows at the strawberry-blonde. "Come on, spill it."
Lydia's satisfied smile widened. "He says he isn't playing in the game."
Josie's mouth dropped. "What? Why not?"
"No clue." Lydia's smile dropped slightly. She clearly didn't like the reminder of her failed attempts at gathering information. "I'm threatening to set Allison up with another lacrosse player if he doesn't."
"Lydia!" Josie tried to sound admonishing but her grin negated any real disapproval. At her core, she adored the type of theatrics Lydia would pull. Josie's scandalized and amused expression conveyed that despite her best efforts. "You're evil."
"Not as evil as I could be." Lydia pointed out. She primly reached into her bag to withdraw a notebook of neat equations. "Considering how much Allison likes him, I doubt introducing her to some idiot athletes will do anything."
"Hey, I didn't say I disliked it." Josie clarified. "I live for this shit, honestly."
"And I saw that in you as soon as I met you." Lydia agreed, her smile softening into something that Josie could match. As quickly as the sweet expression spread over Lydia's face, it faded. Her nose wrinkled in disgust as she stared at the table. "What the hell is that?"
Josie pushed a wrinkled worksheet away from her with the end of her pencil. "It's the reason I'm dropping out of school."
"See," Lydia huffed. "I could've helped you with these if you hadn't disappeared during lunch."
"You would be too busy playing dumb to actually help me." Josie retorted. Lydia just glared at her in response. "Plus, I was sleeping in my car."
Lydia held a finger up and began to dig through her bag. After a short pause of Josie admiring Lydia's pearly pink nails, she materialized a metal water bottle from her bag. Lydia gestured for Josie to take it.
Staring at the pink metal warily, Josie shook her head. She felt the pins holding her braid shift slightly. Josie tried to avoid Lydia's insistent eyes by pretending to focus on shoving the pins back in.
Lydia shoved the bottle a few inches from Josie's face and stared until Josie reluctantly took it. The other girl took over Josie's task of fixing her braided crown, fingers carefully pushing the pins in.
Josie jumped at the sudden invasion of her space and barely held onto the bottle. Her eyes flicked over Lydia's lithe body as the other girl reached for the top of her head.
Lydia rolled her eyes, but she didn't move an inch. "Calm down, Sidney Prescott. You are failing miserably at fixing this."
Pulling a face at the nickname, Josie leaned forward on the table, resting on an elbow as Lydia began to poke at the braided crown. Josie resisted the urge to whine like a child as a pin scraped harshly against her scalp.
Needing a distraction, Josie cautiously took a sip from the bottle. She raised her eyebrows at the startlingly sweet taste. It tasted like a mix of green tea, blueberries, and enough sugar to give an elephant diabetes. Josie happily took a long gulp before giving it back to Lydia.
"What's in that?" Josie was half-afraid to ask. "It tastes great."
Lydia wrinkled her nose delicately. Her face was creased in concentration as she precisely fixed the pins holding half of Josie's hair up. "Of course, you would say that. It's an energy supplement drink that my mom uses. It's technically banned in the U.S."
"Lovely." Josie wasn't surprised.
By just looking at Lydia, she could tell the girl took high school seriously. While she knew Lydia was smarter than she let on, Josie also knew it was the social aspect that Lydia thrived on. The other girl loved having people around her: motivations to dissect, new information to carve out of them, and the power that came with knowing she had the upper hand. None of that came easy to the diminutive girl, so clawed her way to it by working with people's perceptions of her.
Constantly being perfect couldn't be easy, so Josie wasn't surprised Lydia had an illegal energy supplement stashed in her bag.
"There," Lydia leaned back with a satisfied smile. "That's much better."
Josie softly patted the top of her head. She returned Lydia's smile when nothing shifted. "You fix my halo?"
Lydia scoffed in amusement and snatched the bottle from Josie. "More like I hid your devil horns."
As Lydia leaned down to put the water bottle back in her bag, she caught sight of Josie's heavily embroidered jeans. "Where did you get these?" She demanded, finger poking Josie's knee.
Josie smiled. She lifted her leg slightly to let the silver thread around her ankles shine under the fluorescent light. "Some thrift store. I finished the embroidery last night."
Lydia stared, eyes flicking between Josie and her jeans. After her first meeting with Lydia, Josie hadn't been on the end of one of Lydia's intense, analytical stares-not any she had noticed. Josie had seen Lydia shoot furtive looks at Allison with narrowed eyes and a tight jaw whenever the brunette had her back turned. It was the look Lydia gave a problem that she was trying to solve.
Josie, to her benefit, was a relatively easy person to figure out. Since Lydia had already found the skeletons she was hiding in her closet, Josie wasn't as interesting an equation. She didn't have an unknown factor for Lydia to pore over.
"What? Why didn't you tell me you were seriously gifted?" Lydia yanked on Josie's pant leg until Josie moved her leg closer for further inspection.
"I'm not?" Josie hoped the librarian wouldn't choose this moment to round the corner. Sitting with her foot propped on the table, leg stretched between her and Lydia, as the other girl squinted at her jeans, wasn't a flattering position. The burn of her stretched leg agreed. "It's pretty simple sewing. Can I put my leg down?"
"No." Lydia chastised. One of her hands went to trace the constellation under Josie's right knee. The phantom feeling of Lydia's delicate fingers sent goosebumps racing up Josie's arms. "Andromeda?"
"How'd you know that?" Even though she was the one who spent hours working on the constellation, it still looked like a giant blob to Josie.
"It's simple as far as constellations go." Lydia traced the lines of the stars once more while Josie's eyes followed. "The Chained Woman."
"Lyds, it's so cool that you know that." Josie gushed, a wide smile breaking over her face. The other girl just shrugged but Josie could see the small smile that curled over Lydia's face.
"Anyways," Lydia dropped her hand from Josie's leg. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared accusingly at Josie. "Are you hiding any more sewing talents from me?"
Josie took the chance to slip her leg off the table. She winced as her muscles ached in protest. "I don't think so. I can do some basic alterations."
"Stop acting like that isn't impressive." Lydia chastised. "Don't downplay your skills."
Josie could feel her cheeks flushing. The heat spread down her throat and onto her chest as the compliments lingered in the air. Before she could point out how ironic it was that Lydia, the one who constantly played dumb, was scolding her, the other girl cleared her throat.
"More importantly," Lydia started. "Would you mind hemming one of my skirts for me? It falls at an awkward length."
Nodding in understanding, Josie said, "Because you have short legs." Lydia raised her eyebrows in a way that Josie couldn't read. Slightly panicked, she went on. "That's the problem I have too! Plus, if something fits my hips and thighs, it's usually way too big on my waist."
The tension left Lydia's body as Josie rambled. She nodded briskly. "Exactly."
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind. It'll keep me busy." Josie started to shove her crumpled worksheets into her folder. "You'll have to come over sometime, so I can pin it to the right length."
Lydia heaved a sigh and swatted Josie's hands away from the worksheets. She efficiently gathered them, stacked them neatly into a pile, and slid them into Josie's folder. Handing it back, she said, "Sounds good to me. I can finally meet your grandma."
The other girl didn't seem to share any of Josie's mixed emotions on taking the proverbial next step in their friendship. Lydia's glossy lips were pulled into a smile as she began to explain what she assumed Baba was like. It was all based on context clues Lydia gathered and the small bits of information Josie had shared.
A wide smile that matched Lydia's spread over Josie's face. Even if Josie didn't see it, even if she assumed she wasn't interesting, Lydia had been paying attention.
The warm feeling that came from the realization that Lydia truly listened to her carried Josie through the rest of the day. She even felt slightly sorry to decline lacrosse practice for a long nap.
Allison had waved off Josie's excuses with a concerned look and an offer to drive her home. Lydia rolled her eyes but still made Josie take a few long sips of her energy drink before stalking toward the lacrosse field. Allison called a soft 'feel better' over her shoulder as she followed Lydia.
Josie slowly began piling her books into her bag as the bell rang. She glared at her Chemistry book as it seemed to grow in size. Because her worksheets refused to get easier, and her attempts to complete them slowly became more and more pathetic, Josie was forced to take them home with her.
Shifting her textbook to rest in her arms instead, Josie swung her backpack over her shoulders and started toward the exit. If she had to stay in the school for even a minute longer, she was going to scream.
The doors to the parking lot came into view. Josie felt the tension leave her as she imagined leaving without incident.
Instead, Stiles appeared in front of the double doors, animatedly arguing with an older man.
Josie barely resisted the urge to throw her Chemistry book at them. Instead, she stopped a few yards away and took calming breaths like Bea had taught her. Josie debated if it would be easier to wait for them to leave, go the long way to the parking lot, or just curl up and die.
Stiles paused in his argument to dramatically roll his eyes. His whole body moved with the motion and he caught sight of Josie standing awkwardly at the other end of the hall. He hesitantly waved.
Hoping to salvage part of her dignity, Josie waved back.
It was clear by the way Stiles was gesturing in her direction that he was explaining who she was. Josie braced herself for the inevitable awkward introductions. Taking a deep breath, she walked the final distance to the pair.
"No, Dad, I'm not going to do tha-" Stiles stopped abruptly when he saw Josie. "Oh, hey, Josie! So weird seeing you here."
"At the school we both go to?" Josie suddenly felt much better about the state of her dignity.
"Okay, uh, I meant that you usually don't come down this hallway. It's usually a very Josie-free zone." Stiles waved his arm in the general direction of the empty hallway. At the combined force of two unimpressed looks, Stiles deflated. "Dad, this is Josie. Josie, this my dad, the sheriff."
"Nice to meet you," Josie was suddenly happy that she was carrying her Chemistry textbook and clutched it like a shield in front of her. Her smile felt awkward and tense on her face. "I kinda assumed Stiles just popped into existence somewhere."
When the man didn't immediately respond, Josie felt her smile slightly drop. Based on the way Stiles acted, she assumed that his dad would have the same humor. Desperately hoping she wasn't wrong, Josie tried to think of a way to salvage the conversation. Her eyes flicked over to Stiles for help but he looked as confused as she felt.
Sheriff Stilinski let out a short, surprised laugh. He smiled and inclined his head to where his son was watching the interaction with a baffled look on his face. "Sadly, no. It would make my life a whole lot easier if he was."
Josie's tight smile eased into something more natural. The sheriff seemed just as unsure of her as she was of him. Maybe the way Stiles's presence seemed to put her at ease was an inherited trait.
"I am literally right here." Stiles protested.
"Don't you have practice?" Sheriff Stilinksi leveled his son with an unimpressed look.
"The bench will be fine without me for a few minutes." Stiles waved a hand in the air, physically dismissing his dad's comment. He looked between Josie and his dad with a pointed look. "This is much more important. I'm still not sure how I feel about it."
"I think you'll survive." Josie sent an angelic smile towards Stiles. "You've met my baba, so fair's fair."
"Come on-"
Sheriff Stilinski brightened and cut the beginning of his son's sentence off. "Is she the one who baked the stuff Stiles brought back?"
"Yes!" Josie could talk about Baba all day. "I'm just happy she had someone else to give it to. Usually, she just guilts me into eating all of it."
"Well, she is free to send it over anytime." Sheriff Stilinski grinned. He gave Josie a conspiratorial look, not unlike the one Josie had given to Lydia earlier. "Please send my compliments to the chef."
"No, she is not free to send it over!" Stiles sent a chastising look to his dad before pointing at Josie sternly. "No sending anything over. Ever."
"I didn't do it!" Josie defended. Her shoulders raised slightly at his accusatory tone. "You try to make Baba listen to you."
"Hey, I'm the sheriff. I think I can choose what I eat." Sheriff Stilinski easily fell into arguing with his son. Josie could begin to see the resemblance between them as they both made the same face of irritation.
"Not when your doctor tells you not to! Being sheriff doesn't magically give you a medical degree." The beats of the argument were obviously familiar as Stiles seemed to respond more out of habit than any belief he could change his dad's mind.
Josie's mind blanked as Stiles sent her a pointed look. She tried to find an appropriate response. "Um, you probably should listen to your doctor."
Stiles didn't say anything, just gestured to Josie with a triumphant look on his face.
The sheriff gave a long-suffering sigh. "Don't encourage him."
Josie shrugged and smiled apologetically. "It seems like he doesn't need encouragement to act like this."
"You have no idea." Stiles made an offended noise but his dad talked over him. "Your grandmother did come talk to me when she found out you'd be staying with her."
"Oh." Josie could almost feel the blood drain out of her face as she went cold. Baba had never mentioned any visit to the sheriff. Josie rolled the inside of her cheek in between her teeth as a million different scenarios went through her head.
"Nothing bad." The sheriff tried to assure her with a slightly panicked look in his eyes. He held his hands up in a placating gesture as though Josie was a cornered animal. His eyes flicked briefly over to Stiles. "She just wanted to update me on your situation and what happened."
Josie didn't respond. To her left, Stiles was almost bouncing as his curiosity seemed to peak. He looked between his dad and Josie with wide eyes.
A few rumors were going around the school about the sudden arrival of two new girls in the middle of the year. Because Allison had easily befriended everyone she met, most rumors about her were dead on arrival.
The rumors about Josie were still circulating-with much less enthusiasm now that Lydia began to shut them down. Still, even Lydia wasn't all-powerful, and whispers about Josie's odd and cagey behavior circulated.
Noticing his son's excitement, the sheriff rolled his eyes at him before facing Josie with a soft smile. "She only told me the general stuff. Just let me know if anyone bothers you and I'll take care of it. Even if they're my extremely nosy and annoying son."
"Thanks," Josie felt the feeling slowly come back into her face and fingers. She tried out a smile. It couldn't have been too bad because the sheriff just nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."
"I am only moderately nosy and annoying." Stiles protested.
"Okay, well, it was nice to meet you." Josie gave a final smile to the sheriff. "Good luck with Stiles."
Josie was sure the sheriff responded, but she didn't hear it.
By the time she was in the parking lot, the urge to scream was back.