Naruto Uzumaki: Unwilling Medium
Chapter 4: Dead Meat
AN
We have another chapter of NU:UM before we return to DiA. Also, I forgot to comment on feedback in the previous chapters, as I am used to only doing it for DiA. I will do so in this chapter, doubt anyone will mind.
Moving onto other matters, I'm really looking forward to getting the main crew together and getting their dynamic down in this story. Unlike DiA, we'll be sticking to this cast for the most part. And with how I constructed it, plenty of early friction. We're going to have some real fun here.
Also, as I have stated before, this isn't like DiA; the romance will not be nearly as slow-burning. We're going full tilt for laughs here, folks. Talking Rom-Com type of beat here. Try not to take it so seriously.
Disclaimer again: These are parody portrayals of Naruto characters and the brand itself. In no way is this to be considered an accurate presentation; this is for laughs, people. Furthermore, the actions and words of NUUM characters are not condoned, nor would it be wise to imitate them.
Let's get into it, shall we?
Notable Feedback and Response
FrankOceanLover911 FF
New story? Dont mind if I do. Had to try something different, really enjoying the difference from DiA. Also nice to write something more light hearted and casual. Hope you enjoy this odd ride.
Guest FF
Why is there Sasuke in Konoha? As tagged this is a AU universe for obvious reasons. One difference is Orochimaru's… fate. In canon Orochimaru escaped the Leaf, spent years growing his knowledge and power, then "seduced" Sasuke to join him. However in NU:UM, Orochimaru was taken by the Shinigami shortly after leaving the Leaf. Meaning an angsty Sasuke had no viper whispering in his ear to leave. Is it one hundred percent accurate? No. But it's a crackfic, I kind of am playing things fast and loose here. Sorry if it's not appealing to ya!
Lampre8 A03
Wow, priorities Hinata, priorities. Lol, Hinata really kills me in this, and probably she will try to kill Shion too hehe. It promises to be hilarious theirs interactions. I certainly hope so! Well less the killing part, kind of have plans there, but it would be funny… Either way this story has a strange mix of inspirations. Early trash romance anime (my favorite when I was younger lol), various more comedic takes on horror, and of course Naruto. Hinata was someone I didn't use as much in DiA, she'll be shining plenty here…
Priestess's Manor - Late Night - Naruto
Naruto blinked, he blinked again, and when that failed to work, he tried yet again. His mouth was agape, searching for air that he was too stunned to inhale. Shikamaru's raucous laughter was giving him a headache. How the hell did this happen? Just this morning, he awoke a normal shinobi, ready to begin his journey after spending years training. Now he was on the run from a ghost and had apparently promised to get married to Shion… he needed to stall! To figure this all out, a brilliant reply was what he needed! Something smooth and witty to alleviate tension!
"Come again?" Naruto asked dumbly.
Not quite what he had in mind…
"You must be tired, my dearest fiance…" Shion began looking at him similarly to a wife welcoming her husband home… wait, now he was doing it! "It is only reasonable. Your journey was surely long, and you must be embarrassed for this to be announced in front of your friends; they seem…" Shion paused as she and the confused Naruto gazed at them.
"Hahahaa!" Shikamaru roared as he rolled back and forth. "No damn way, this is like a bad movie!"
"Kill… kill… kill…" Hinata trailed off as she disturbingly attempted to subtly arm herself with a kunai.
"Interesting…" Shion politely decided. "Now worry not for amenities or shelter, my fiance-"
"Kill…" Hinata swore silently. Shikamaru seemed to catch his breath before another laugh broke through. Naruto offered some sort of sound that almost sounded like words.
"As the breadwinner of this relationship, I have created quite the home for us. It is much too late for a feast; however, we have plenty of room to accommodate you all. Of course, you'll share my room and humble abode with me." Shion mainly spoke to herself, gushing as she thought over the latter half of her statement and rushing over to clutch Naruto's hands. The blonde wanted to offer feedback, but her clutching of his hands and gentle touch were throwing him off! How the hell did she smell that good?!
Naruto was suddenly and questionably saved from Shion's grasp as Hinata pried her hands off him and stepped between them.
"No touch!" Hinata demanded as if speaking to a dog.
"Excuse me, I will touch my fiance as I please." Shion countered with a raised brow. "Besides, I would think the heiress of the Hyuga Clan would know proper manners…"
"If addressing an equal or superior, yes." Hinata nodded politely. "However, when dealing with a dog in heat, I find a firm and simple tone best."
"You dare refer to me as a bitch?!"
"I only said the dog; however, if you find bitch more fitting…"
"Naruto!" Shion snapped looking past Hinata. "Who is this woman? I remember your other friends being so lovely and seeming fine with our arrangement!"
"Well…" Naruto began woodenly, still overwhelmed. "Hinata Hyuga, a fellow Genin-"
"Chunin." Shikamaru chipped in helpfully.
"Screw you," Naruto replied flippantly. "From the Hidden Leaf Village."
"I have known Naruto-kun since childhood; we are dearest friends." Hinata agreed, hugging Naruto's arm into her chest. Naruto's face grew more red; he wasn't used to so much close contact with women! They usually all went to Sasuke; it was a shame the bastard couldn't see him now.
Shion first frowned before a smug smile hit her face. "Now I see.."
"Of course you do," Hinata replied happily.
"You're the girl next door type."
"Shikamaru!" Naruto tried nervously as he could feel the temperature in the room drop with those words. They had finally gotten away from the ghost, and now a new threat had arisen. "Help!" Naruto desperately cried out. Annoyingly Shikamaru merely shrugged helplessly, even sitting down to enjoy the show.
"Excuse me?!" Hinata snapped back.
"You heard me," Shion said, raising her head slightly to look down on Hinata. "The girl next door type. Pretty, kind, smart, everything a guy could want. Yet they spend years chasing after a guy they never seal the deal with. How long have you known Naruto? Yet he doesn't even know, does he?"
"Know what?" Naruto asked.
"This is your fault, Naruto," Shikamaru said with a shake of his head. "I always knew your dense head would get me killed one day…"
"And you're just a mean girl; you think you're so above everyone and chosen. But Naruto isn't going to fall for some rich, pretty girl?!" Hinata countered belligerently. "Besides, he may not know, but I intend to do things right. Unlike you, I prefer to win my prey instead of trapping it."
"Oh, that sounds like the complaints of a lost girl," Shion concluded with a shrug. "Naruto willingly agreed to help with my legacy; there was no trickery."
"I did." Naruto agreed bluntly, confused about why they both seemed so bent out of shape over it and why that involved marriage.
"Naruto has the right to change his mind! Besides, you are the leader of this land! How could that ever work? Naruto would never leave the Leaf! He intends to become Hokage!" Hinata pointed out now as smug as Shion. "Even if you get married, there's no telling how long you'll spend apart… Naruto might get lonely."
"I mean, I do get lonely sometimes…" Naruto agreed sadly. But what the hell did that have to do with Shion's odd decree or his promise?!
"Are you trying to make this worse?" Shikamaru asked Naruto with a facepalm.
Shion gasped indignantly before she stomped toward Naruto. Hinata turned smugly, smiling at Shion, having made her point. However, it was her turn to gasp as Shion grabbed Naruto's face and pulled him in for a kiss.
Naruto had technically kissed before. Sasuke and he had an annoying, famed accidental kiss that had been more painful than anything. But this was markedly different. Shion's lips touched him as she turned her head slightly to deepen the kiss; Naruto was stunned at how soft and warm they felt, even more so when he felt a tongue probe his lips. The blonde could only gape as Shion pulled back as suddenly as she had pulled him in. As Naruto dumbly stared at her, she spoke words that only increased his shock.
"Naruto Uzumaki, you are a man I haven't known for long. When I first met you, I thought you were an incompetent idiot. A fool with more bravery and courage than skill and ability." Shion began.
"Wait was any of that positive?! Is this a confession or a diss?!"
"You were so different from me in how you thought and saw things. I saw the world as hopeless and the future written in stone. I was a pessimist who saw no meaning in the life I lived. It was you who changed that… You see hope even in the darkest void; you fight for the future you want even if you know it isn't coming; you showed me there was light in this world. That even when things are seemingly at their worst, we can change them. Not to mention you saved my life and my home and avenged my mother… I've never met anyone like you, Naruto Uzumaki. And I would love it if I never had to say goodbye…"
Naruto was still completely stunned. How could he respond to that? Since when in the hell did Shion feel like that? Did he feel like that? Did he just get kissed?!
However, Naruto was not given even a moment, and Hinata suddenly marched forward and grabbed his face. Similar to Shion, she pulled him into a kiss. Naruto could scarcely breathe as Hinata ravaged him; her kiss was searing and needy, different from Shion's. He didn't even know they could be nice! The hell was going on!
Shikamaru whistled appreciatively as Hinata suddenly collapsed a second later. Shion raged to herself as Naruto could only stare at Hinata, and his world fell apart even more. Hinata was into him, too?! Was this a dream?! Had Jiraiya's influence finally tainted him!
"Is that bit-" Shion paused, looking at Naruto worriedly. "Your friend okay?"
"She does that," Shikamaru assured with a sigh, stepping forward and closing the frozen Naruto's mouth. "And pretty sure the two of you broke the blonde. How about we all split up for showers and sleep. Figure out this nonsense come morning?"
"And the sleeping arrangements?" Shion asked hesitantly. "I will be sleeping with my fiance."
"Oh, you and possibly her, I'm sure." Shikamaru joked. "But we'll need it to revive the two. First things first, however, our problem?"
Shion nodded, dropping back into business mode. "I had thought this was what my servants had told me was a "booty call." However, if my beloved is in danger, I will aid him regardless of difficulty. What would be the problem?"
"Glad to hear it because this problem should be right up your alley," Shikamaru nodded. "See, we have a "ghost" problem."
"My beloved is haunted by a specter?!" Shion asked worriedly.
"Or something…" Shikamaru complained to himself. "Anyway, it would seem so. Whatever the case, this thing is intangible and pretty damn creepy. We can't seem to hurt or touch it, but it's determined to chase Naruto. We ran all the way here and even tried hiding out, but the damn thing seems to be able to track Naruto…"
"That is problematic, for peons anyway." Shion agreed facetiously. "Luckily for my beloved, his wife is a skilled practitioner in the spiritual world. As long as you are here, this specter cannot enter. These grounds were blessed after my destiny was met; no spirit of any kind should be able to enter. Once the wedding ends, I should be able to exorcize it."
"First good news of the day!" Shikamaru cheered. "Alright then, let's get these two revived…" Shikamaru said as he fumbled through his pockets.
"No need. The baths of my manor are famed for their healing properties. Servants, take my friends to the royal baths and prepare my and their rooms!" Shion snapped out. Instantly, several suited servants appeared. A tribe of women gently carried off Hinata and Shion as another group of men grabbed Naruto and Shikamaru. The blonde blinked, coming back to reality.
"Did that just happen?" Naruto asked dumbly. The two were carried off like returning hometown champions. Carted off for what Naruto could only assume were some ridiculously luxurious baths.
"Sure did. In fact, still is." Shikamaru confirmed with a small smile. "Almost makes all the trouble worth it. But let's just relax, yeah? We're apparently safe and have been running around all day. Surely, we're owed a bath at the very least. I say we just go with the flow for now; it has worked for us so far."
"Well," Naruto hummed, his muscles did ache, and he could use the chance to think over the day. "If we're safe… but you gotta help me figure this out!"
"Fine, but you do owe me!" Shikamaru complained.
Nearby Fire Temple - Late Night - Obito
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?!"
"No! Damn you! Are you not a grown man?!" Obito raged at his hips as he leaped through the thick forest of the Land of Fire. Escaping the Hidden Rain Village had been no small feat, but now their travel had been focused and efficient. Commonly, Obito would've used the time to further his plotting, but it was impossible to concentrate with Hidan strapped to his hip. The head constantly went on tangents or threatened him. Why had he brought him again?
"I was a grown man! Now I'm a fucking decapitated head! How the hell am I even talking anyway?!" Hidan roared back.
"I have the faintest idea, you fool! Do you not know how your own immortal body works?!" Obito snapped back.
"Hey, I was the guinea pig of that wonderful ritual to Jashin; only he knows how it works. Speaking of which, we should seek my lord's aid! If we only offer suffering worthy of his attention, he'll help us kill that blasphemous spirit!" Hidan reasoned.
"Your god is not real; your immortality is the result of degenerate jutsu and human experimentation." Obito countered dryly. "Besides, you are a lunatic; we will go with my plan, as I am very much sane."
"One, you spent the last year at least acting like an absolute jackass, TOBI! No way are you normal. Secondly, even if that somehow didn't disqualify you, you're in a doomsday cult. You're crazy as all hell." Hidan spat.
Obito breathed in deeply as he patiently gathered his thoughts. When the breath reprise offered no relief, he cuffed the head, who only laughed at the punishment. "You were literally in a murderous cult that slaughtered innocents and tortured yourselves for your "god." Are you truly the best person to preach about sanity?"
"Oh, of course not!" Hidan chuckled. "My point was neither of us are exactly regular here. Now, where the hell are we? Tell me we're at least close!"
"Luckily for you, we are; otherwise, I'd let the wildlife feast on your head. Allow me to handle this; I'll force their cooperation…" Obtio answered as he landed before the massive steps leading to the shrine.
The man barely managed a step before he was suddenly flung back. Lightning coursed through his body and Hidan's head, the two cursing in pain as they landed in a heap. Obito snapped to his feet as Hidan began an impressive string of curses.
The temple was protected by quite a barrier. For him to be unable to detect it and not outright outpower it meant it was a top-level barrier jutsu. To think the Land of Fire would defend the Fire Temple so fiercely.
"The fuck Tobi!" Hidan snapped.
"Do. Not. Call. Me. That." Obito warned severely.
"Then maybe don't lie about who you are next time!"
"Is this truly the time to rage about a false identity?! We were a group of powerful rogues; would it not be stranger if we were all truthful?!"
"I AM!"
"We forced you to join! It doesn't count!"
"I see the two of you lovers are experiencing a quarrel. I would offer you wisdom, but the two of you don't seem like the listening type." A deep voice interrupted their argument. The two looked up to see a monk glaring at them from the stairs. "I know not who the two of you are nor your intentions. But it is clear to me you are odd and dangerous strangers. Normally, I would kill the two of you, but it seems you are no true threat to this temple…"
"That's it done dealing with bullshit, killing time!" Obito raged as his Sharingan spun threateningly.
"Finally!" Hidan cried out joyously.
The man merely tutted as the two stopped forward; however, this time, Obito was ready. As he walked where the barrier had stopped him before, he activated Kamui on Hidan and him, and he faded slightly as they proceeded further than they had before.
"Cursed as you are, the spirits have also blessed you. To think you'd be capable of the Dead Walk. However, I am well-versed in Spiritual Ninjutsu; that alone won't get you far!"
Obito ignored his words as the man took an odd stance, and his chakra flared; it oddly felt similar to his own. Behind the man formed some odd statue with many arms, and it became clear these monks would be no victims. All the same, Obito didn't hesitate as he prepared to murder the man. As Obito reached the halfway point, the visage arms snapped out, forming massive fists intent on smashing Obito and Hidan away. However, Obito, just like the ghost that had ruined his plans, was not so easy to h-
Obito's vision blurred, and Hidan cursed as the two suddenly flew through the air. Obito felt his nose snap to the side and hit the ground so hard it drove the air from his lungs. He aimlessly writhed for a moment as Hidan offered a litany of swears. Once Obito regained his breath, he looked around him. He was left at the foot of the staircase he had nearly climbed. Obito frowned as he realized he was still in Kamui. How had this man hit him?
"If the two of you are done being foolish, we can speak now." The man offered. "My name is Chiriku of the Fire Temple. I am the head Shinobi Monk and the future teacher of the Conduit. You will struggle to enter this sacred land as a spiritual barrier has been erected around it. Those of the spiritual world or linked to it cannot cross without permission. You rightfully assumed your Dead Walk would bypass it, but it cannot save you from my fist."
"What are you talking about!" Obito snapped at the man. "I am not a spirit nor linked to them, and I don't even know what Dead Walking is!"
"I see; how terrible a fate, though from our short interaction thus far, I dare say a fitting one," Chiriku replied. "It seems you have recently come into contact with quite a powerful spirit. Spirits of the higher ranks can "Link" with humans. This allows them to track and grant various benefits to a human. However, this also marks them as part of Spirit World. Which can, as you've learned, be quite the conundrum. As for the Dead Walk, I know not what to tell you. Perhaps you discovered it alone, but I assure you the technique is the same as I've seen several Spiritual Shinobi use. I suggest leaving now; you will not find this abode welcoming."
Obito ignored the suggestion, sitting down in front of the stairs with a hum. "You are not wrong to say I am at a standstill. But nonetheless, I have options available to me. I shall wait outside the bounds of this temple. None shall be able to leave nor enter until I myself am able to. Eventually, you must attempt to deal with or allow me entry."
"Bold of you to assume I will not kill you now," Chiriku said with a raised brow.
"If you believed yourself able to, you would've already," Obito replied flippantly. "You're intelligent enough to recognize I'm stronger than you. I can only enter your grounds by Utilizing this "Dead Walk" constantly. Channeling the technique leaves me vulnerable to your own attack. However, if you left and I had no burden… your death would be most gruesome…"
"I will hold strong," Chiriku replied flippantly as he marched back within the temple.
Obito shrugged as he did. Time to prove his point, he supposed. "We need an example, Hidan; how about we find the closest village…"
Village Hidden in Mushrooms - Late Night - Itachi
Itachi's escape had been easy, though listening to the wanton slaughter was unnerving. Traveling to the next village allowed him time to gather his thoughts and formulate a plan.
His role as a mole was over, his targets slain, as far as he knew. The purpose of doing so had been twofold: to protect the Leaf against a potential threat and to ensure the protection of his brother. Now, Itachi recognized his recent unemployment was temporary, for both his village and brother would be under direct threat from Hanzo.
The Uchiha had considered joining his ranks as a spy, but the man seemed determined to conquer the Elemental Nations here and now. Working with him would serve no purpose. A powerhouse mystery of a threat like this would need an army to be conquered. Itachi would need to rouse it. He would travel on a path forward toward the Leaf Village, evacuating and rousing an army on the way. Then, they would make a stand and defeat Hanzo.
Itachi doubted it would be as easy or straightforward as that, but he would see it through regardless. His next destination was a small and scarcely known Hidden Village that had gained its meager wealth through… dubious means. The Village Hidden in the Mushrooms was just as it sounded. Skilled Mushroom farmers/shinobi that used their craft in various ways. The village shipped off rare mushrooms for medicine and food, and even more so mushrooms for idiots. Itachi spent his life trapping people in surreal illusions, and learning of people doing so to themselves was confounding.
Itachi doubted the village would be very useful or missed. But he felt compelled to try, and numbers would likely be needed for the road ahead. The town was "hidden" in giant red and white spotted mushrooms, small humble wooden shacks hidden beneath the crowns of their namesake.
As Itachi approached the shacks, two older women shinobi approached, led by a cane-wielding, mumbling older man. Itachi sighed with relief. The leaders had come to him, and it would save time, though seeing two hags and a geezer was a poor sign.
"Man, I think I'm about to ascend; this is one violet trip." The geezer spoke for some odd reason. "So you best have a valid reason for bothering us, man!"
"Our leader gets moody during his trips."
"Forgive us." The twins spoke in a string of sentences, each completing a single thought. Itachi could feel the beginning of a headache forming…
"It is more than acceptable. However, forgive me if I forgo the formalities; I am here for an emergency that concerns your very homeland." Itachi spoke, hoping his calm but grave tone would allow them to believe his words. He did not have the patience for any non-.
"No way, man! The shipment of the next groovy shrooms wasn't supposed to come for weeks!" The geezer crowd. "That is an emergency, a potential for huge vibes, man!"
"Sir, I believe that is not the case; this is clearly Itachi Uchiha, a known criminal." One of the hags spoke.
"Not the kind of criminal we're looking for either, sir." The other added.
"What then, why is he disturbing us?!"
"If you would be silent for a second," Itachi began before dodging the man's finger as he pointed, Itachi nearly flicking a kunai into his neck before noticing he had simply been pointing.
"Do you have any idea how surprises affect a trip, man?! I'm talking immaculate vibes! Screw this, get off here, I got to re-up!"
Itachi's face was calm and expressionless, but inside, his temper snapped. With a flex of chakra and swirl of his Sharingan, all three were under his control. Itachi had no time for niceties or absurdity; he had a world to save.
"The three of you will divide the village into three separate teams. One of you will lead those civilians and those unfit for battle to the Land of Iron. It will be a long and perilous journey, so bring ample supplies; the Samurai's code of honor will require them to provide care for you upon arrival. Another one of you, preferably the high geezer. We will form a much smaller team of less-than-useful shinobi to trap and impede the path of our enemies. They will be a smaller army led by a spirit; expect your efforts to be in vain. The last of you will lead the strongest and most useful shinobi with me to the next village. We have an army to raise and a world to save, and you three will work dutifully to do such. Am I understood?"
"Hai." The three answered in sync, mindlessly attuned to whatever he said. Itachi began relaying the full details of the problem and plan, two of the others splitting off as the last, and he planned their path for the next village ahead… The Village Hidden in Poison Ivy… great…
Village Hidden in Rain - Late Night - Hanzo
Hanzo sat in a dimly lit room meditating. All around him, unnatural light and smoke emanated from the wooden floor as if mere light. It was strange becoming a spirit; it felt like nothing. He couldn't truly feel, taste, or smell. It left him feeling quite empty more often than not, though being able to see and hear the world again alleviated it somewhat. Hanzo's rise had been a shock, a gift quite the benefactor gave. A chance to right the wrong of his death and achieve what he never could before. To conquer the world for his own… or his master… for now.
In his life, he had fought and won time and time again, battling back nearly every sort of threat one could imagine and totally ruling his home. But he had never been able to grow. The constant warfare had stifled him and his village until he had been past his peak. Then, he had been slain by some childish upstarts who spoke of peace… disgusting.
Hanzo could not remember anything of the afterlife; he was certain he had been there, but not what it was. So when he suddenly felt again, emerged within a dark void facing the God of Death, Hanzo had been plenty compliant. The Shinigami's wish had been simple, one that fit his own aims well. Slaughter and or conquer the shinobi world. Its reasoning and exact plan were not clear to Hanzo, but it had been clear that he could have the world once he did so.
So he arose and began his new life by slaughtering those Akatsuki rats, some of whom had escaped. But it was no genuine concern for Hanzo; there would be nowhere to hide soon enough anyway. His revenge somewhat fed, and realizing he could not rule alone as a spirit. He quickly began taking over the village forcefully, slowly gathering terrified defectors to join his side. Now Hanzo had a small force of fifty loyal shinobi under his guard, sworn to loyalty. They weren't strong or valuable, but Hanzo had learned long ago he could only count on himself.
Now, it was time to commune with his master.
Hanzo channeled the strange energy he had wielded since his emergence. A peculiar energy like chakra, but even easier to use. It allowed Hanzo, his new-found power, to commune with his master. The strange lights and smoke slowly gathered together in a bundle in front of Hanzo before a haunting visage of the Shinigami's face appeared within it.
"Update me…" Its voice seemed to echo within his head and the air around them. Hanzo felt chills as it spoke, as powerful as he had been and now was. It seemed that this being was beyond him, beyond any man or spirit. So this was a god…
Hanzo swallowed his pride and dutifully answered. "Death, sir, as you asked shortly before my rebirth, I have slaughtered the targets and now have control over the Hidden Rain Village. I have also begun forming an army to begin your conquest. Soon we will-"
Hanzo suddenly cried out as if, even in his spectral form, lightning-like pain raced throughout his being. So deep was the pain that Hanzo could only float in midair, writhing, pathetically begging for mercy.
"I care not for the Elemental Nations… but never presume us equals, you are nothing more than a servant… one that I will cast back into the void one day…"
Hanzo did not answer, knowing better than to offer a complaint.
"You claimed to slaughter, and yet their souls do not come… it seems they are unbound by my loosening between death and life… assuming you did not fail…"
"Some survived, but they were helpless-"
More incredible, teeth-biting pain, pain so deep and raw, Hanzo wished for death.
"Continue to kill, find and kill the survivors, or suffer worse than death…"
The visage faded as Hanzo glared where it had been. He would have his time yet…
Priestess' Manor - Late Night - Hinata
Hinata awoke feeling pleasantly warm. Her body relaxed in a way it hadn't been for days. One of her favorite smells, lavender, wafted through the air. It was nice…
Before, the memories of her suddenly and unexpectedly kissing Naruto erupted to the surface of her mind. She eeped as she dipped under the water- wait water?
Hinata breached the surface of the water, alarmingly discovering she was in something of a giant bath. Steam wafted through the air, and across from her was a motherly-looking woman and Shion, who both lounged at and looked at her strangely.
"My lord had us bring you to the baths to wake you; your allies are also doing so. From what I'm told, you fainted, but is it not a true concern?" the woman asked politely.
"It is not Marron," Shion replied flippantly. "She merely approached upon my turf, and karma served her well."
Hinata felt her fury brew as she ignored the strange situation and prepared to interject. However, Marron calmly raised her palms toward both before speaking to her master.
"Now, my Lord, that is beneath you. Regardless of what quarrel the two of you had, she is a guest, an ally to your betrothed." Marron answered. "Besides, we've been working on your attitude, have we not?"
"We have…"
Hinata blinked owlishly at such.
"I have been hired as… let's say a Life Coach to our Lord," Marron explained quickly. "For her pursuit of becoming her best self, she has been working on what she calls her "bitchiness"."
"Marron!" Shion cried out.
"Now, my Lord, honesty is important for a Priestess like yourself," Marron explained. "Besides, it seems the two of you will have to coexist from how things are going. Perhaps we could use this as an opportunity to foster growth?"
Shion and Hinata locked eyes before both grimly nodded.
Hinata decided to strike first, she needed to nip this promise thing in the bud, or this bitch might take her spot! Murder or threats seemed to be out of order for now. Naruto and Shikamaru would object to such an incident, not to mention the international incident. No, it was best to coyly tear apart this engagement, perhaps increase her efforts to… seduce… N-Naruto…
"My biggest problem is the method of obtaining Naruto-kun." Hinata calmly began. "While he is a man of his word and quite the catch, you had him agree to something he didn't understand."
"Hinata, we're teenagers, not kids," Shion replied with a raised brow. "Pretty sure he knows what that is-"
"But he can be a tad bit dense!" Hinata objected. "If you asked him what he thought you meant, he didn't know."
"Oh, come on, he's thick-headed, but he wouldn't… wait, would he?"
"To be fair, my Lord Hinata appears to be honest." Marron chimed in.
Shion hummed with a frown. "Okay, so I'll ask him, and assuming it's the truth, we'll hold it off."
"Hold it off! You need to cancel it!"
"I only need to cancel it if Naruto isn't interested. And since he needs my company even if he isn't now, I'll have plenty of time to win him over. I have my looks and status, and he treats me like family already…" Shion countered with a small smile.
Hinata growled. "Well, what will you do when I get him instead!"
"Wait to see if you make it." Shion countered, her voice sounding oddly friendly. "My abilities can't ascertain if you or I will be with Naruto, but I lose. You might break up one day, or I might move on. I can live with either."
Hinata growled again. Why was this woman not the evil bitch she should've been?!
"That being said, until that happens, fight is on," Shion assured, causing Hinata to stand out of the water and point the finger at her, roaring out the insult. Shion stood as well, and the two women began arguing spiritedly as Marron desperately attempted to get them to calm down. After a few minutes, the group settled down.
"You know you object to my love of Naruto so strongly, but I don't even know what or why you feel the way you do." Shion pointed out with a sigh. "If you were his girlfriend or even a repeated ex, I would get why you are so territorial, but some random girl chasing me off isn't that valid of a reason."
Hinata sighed to herself. "I've always struggled with confidence. My home life left me often feeling pathetic and vulnerable. I spent my life hiding from others, scared to put myself out there and be judged and evaluated. It sounds pathetic, I'm sure, but it worked for me back then. Until one day, I couldn't hide; we were just kids; boys that age can be nasty. As a Hyuga, our eyes are often valued, but to some, they are vulgar, and due to them, these boys choose me as their target. I realized it was my worst fear until another boy came along. I've always been scared to speak out, let alone confront someone. But this boy did both for someone he didn't even know. He was beaten and ridiculed for it, but all the same, he did it purely because he felt it was right. Didn't even stay to get thanks only to check on me…"
Shion frowned deeply. "It was Naruto." She said simply. There was no need to guess.
"Indeed. That day, he left behind this red scarf that was ruined. I took it and worked on fixing it, basically creating anew. I hoped to return it one day… but lacked the courage… I kept trying, but something changed. I stopped coming to give my thank you gift, but to just watch him. It's strange, I know, but I couldn't help but watch him live the way I only wished I could fill me with hope… soon my habit became a fascination; the more I saw, the more I…"
"Loved." Shion finished for Hinata with a sigh. "Damnit, I was hoping you just had a crush, but it seems you're more of a rival… We both want him, and neither seems keen on sharing. But if we act like major bitches to each other, we only hurt our own chances. How about a peace treaty? We fight for the man we want but keep it clean." She reasoned.
Hinata felt a smile blossom on her face despite her indignance. As much as she hated this woman, it felt nice to talk about it. And it would be only fair to let Naruto choose. "I can agree… if we can talk about Naruto…"
"I'd thought you'd never ask!"
Priestess' Manor - Late Night - Naruto
"I really don't understand why you think this is so complex. They both like you, awesome, just choose one or none, and move on." Shikamaru reasoned to Naruto, the two deep within the conversation.
"It's not so easy! I had no idea; I got blindsided, I tell ya!" Naruto replied indignantly.
"You didn't know Hinata likes you? Or Shion?" Shikamaru asked with disbelief. "With Temari, it was immediately clear to me."
"You. Are. A. Damn. Genius." Naruto replied with a grunt as he poured water over his head with a content sigh. "Even if it's not social-wise, then at the very least, you could connect the dots. I'm a future Hokage, not a player!"
"Those dots were obvious, Naruto. Let's just start with Hinata. She stutters around you all the time." Shikamaru pointed out.
"She does that with everyone; it's gotten better."
"Her face is always red around you."
"Honestly, I used to think I was pissing her off; now I think it's a medical thing."
"She gave you medicine during the Chunin Exams."
"She's a sweetheart; of course she did."
"Okay, I'm just gonna switch to Shion before I get annoyed." Shikamaru complained. "Could you, by chance, remind me exactly what the promise was?"
"Not exactly… She said it was the job of the Priestess to pass down her powers. I didn't know how she did it, but she asked me to help, so I agreed to help her with everything she wanted." Naruto explained with a deep frown.
"Kami Naruto! You basically agreed to father her children!" Shikamaru replied with a chuckle.
"That's not what she meant, idiot!" Naruto assured with a roll of his eyes. "She might like me a bit, but no way does she want all that!"
"You're an idiot. Alright, so let's ignore the obvious signs. They both seem to be into you. What's the plan?"
Naruto hummed as he thought it over. He had always intended to fall in love someday but hadn't planned for it to be so complicated. He liked Shion and Hinata a lot but hadn't even known they were interested. Naruto realized he had barely known both. "Well, get to know them… just a lot to process."
"Most guys kill for this, you know." Shikamaru complained. "Not myself, of course, but you should be happy."
"I am! It's just… I don't know; I'm used to Sasuke doing this, not myself! Not sure what to do, hell even if I did like one of them, I'd hurt the other!" Naruto whined, sinking slightly into the water as he did.
"It's how it works," Shikamaru replied with a shrug. "Besides, it seems we're stuck together for a bit. No harm in getting closer to them and seeing what you feel. As long as you're open and honest, things will work out in the long run."
Naruto felt a tiny bit of confidence return to him. "Okay, so now I have a ghost and a love triangle to sort out. That's just what I needed… at least we seem to have help finally. With Shion, we should be able to get this bastard."
"Assuming it is a ghost… or even threatening." Shikamaru mused.
"Huh?"
"It's just a theory I'm working on. I can't help but notice the "ghost" hasn't harmed us or you. Even after we attacked it. It's clearly not welcomed, but it needs you for something."
"Damn right, it ain't welcomed!" Naruto snapped. "And it sure as hell is out to get me! It chased us around the village and scared me in my home!"
"That's my point." Shikamaru pointed out. "It was inside your home, likely while you were sleeping. And yet it didn't harm you, or even disturb your rest. It only showed itself when you were awake. Whatever this thing is, it has a goal, one it can't complete by harming you."
"Yeah, terrify me shitless, which it is doing a great job doing, by the way!" Naruto remarked.
"I'm just saying be open-minded." Shikamaru relented.
"Open-minded in how I have Shion kick its ass…" Naruto grumbled as the two settled into a hot bath.
AN
Hope you enjoyed it! If you did let me know, if not have a good one. Peace~!