A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

168. Chapter 170

This chapter is dedicated to Khalafani, who explained to me how there was a different way Merlin could've made Lancelot a knight without all the magic and the lying to get him there like in the show. This is just the beginning of the idea but we'll see more of it later in the episode and beyond. I hope they enjoyed how I touched on it and introduced it into the series ;p

X

Desperation was a power that could make even the strongest of men fall onto their knees for what they might desire. For food, or for water, for the accepting hand of the father or the soothing hug of a mother long gone…for the kiss of a lover never meant to be yours. For riches beyond one man's ability to spend in an entire lifetime. Thousands of men all throughout history had lived with this curse, to always want what wasn't in the cards, to seek out the means that is meant to give them what they want, but biting down on their hand with a grip stronger then a viper. Men have bled, and cried, tore through both history and ravaged lands to grasp even a hint of what they have been searching for. And Arthur Pendragon feared that he was no different…a prince that was meant to show decorum at all time, and yet possessing none with the heavy stare of his own consort on his back.

Gaius had told Arthur not that long ago, that he didn't believe a month would be enough time for a man to change, and Arthur had even started to believe it at some point. But belief was a powerful thing, and Arthur believed that this is not the kind of life he was meant to have…that belief was stronger than all the power behind even a shooting star flying across the night sky. Words, thought the prince as Lady Clarissa eyed him with genuine eagerness and decorum he lacked, were a meaningless factor in the grand scheme of things. Apologies he knew meant nothing without something to back it up. A failed date didn't mean a thing if one couldn't look back on it fondly. Actions needed to be taken, such a drastic action that the old Arthur would have never bothered with it. But this was the new Arthur Pendragon, and when he said a change had to happen, he meant it. Would swear his prince-hood on that change, get down on his knees yet again for that boy of his, and swear on the blood that flowed through thick veins that things would be different.

But again, it would be a pointless action. A prince didn't get down for just any person, they never did at all. Merlin had gotten one look at him down on sharp knees and had all but tossed him out the door…he didn't understand just what the significance of what Arthur had done meant. He didn't understand the true honor that had been bestowed on him way back then. Their childhoods being far too different to see what Arthur had shown, which was why this was going to be so important. Something that Arthur could not screw up. If Merlin didn't see things the way nobility did them, then he would simply need to do things as a peasant would, strange as that was. Confronting Clarissa head on might be a strong response, considering how much Arthur had tried pleasing her in the beginning due to the respect he had for her uncle and his great deeds. But thinking without acting sounded like a very peasant thing to do, allowing these emotions to once again control his actions instead of keeping a tight lid onto it all.

"Oh, Arthur darling. I was wondering if you would stop by to see little old me before you scurried off to whatever else there is that's been keeping the fair prince as busy as he has been. You know, I've been wanting to see you but I keep getting turned away by the guards. They aren't any fun, leaving you to your work all alone." Lady Clarissa said in her accented voice, her lips jutting out as she complained about the knights that stood at the entrance of their royal suites, upon the recommendation of Merlin when he noticed the severe lack in proper security they had. And Arthur cringed, once again realizing just how Merlin had saved him…this woman was like a leach. Unwilling to release him from her grip, and all because Arthur had entertained her one time many months ago… "I almost thought I was going to have to call the guards myself though. I wanted to approach you myself, but it seemed as if your consort was in a foul mood and I didn't want to interrupt. But then he went and put hands on you…god, Arthur. I do not understand why you allowed him to get away with that. My uncle would have his head if he tried something like that on me."

Arthur clenched down hard with his teeth, still all fired up after his horrid and awful fight with Merlin…he could probably run laps around this field at least a good twenty times before he even got winded, and this most certainly isn't a small field. And yet, Clarissa had only made him more incensed…who exactly was she to call the guards on his consort? Who was Lady Clarissa, to decide whether or not Merlin was a threat that needed to be restrained…Arthur had been perfectly capable of handling himself. Especially when whichever guards arrived on the scene, could very well be some of the men that were targeting his consort. Just like Clarissa was targeting his consort now…Arthur could see a mischievous gleam in her gem green eyes that spoke of her knowing exactly what she was doing. She hadn't stayed back because she was afraid to have interrupted, or concerned she might get drawn into the fight…no. Clarissa may have liked seeing the two of them fighting…what better time to swoop in to try and 'comfort' Arthur, than when he was upset with Merlin. Going after him with a false vulnerability that irritated Arthur and made his teeth feel like they were particularly sharp today.

"I can assure you that your uncle won't be having the head of my consort any time soon. Nor would he attack you, my consort isn't the type to attack a girl just because she got in the way. So I suggest you not worry about keeping me 'safe' from my own consort. I've got that situation handled, and a pretty good understanding on his behavior. It was entirely my fault." Arthur said in this firm tone, leaving no room for Clarissa to try and talk him back…this was probably the first time he had said it out loud. That Merlin's behavior towards him was 'completely' his fault. And it almost felt good, a relief trying to push its way in where the hollow hole in his chest was. The hollow hole that Merlin had carved for him to stand, carved for him to own…it would never be filled without Merlin. But at least he had finally said it to somebody else, another way for Arthur to try and take responsibility for his actions without going into the details…such a woman didn't need to know the finer details that had managed to escape from the rumor mill that was spread all over Camelot City. "But I am not here to talk about what just happened. I want to know why you are here, and why you are standing around watching my training. This is entirely inappropriate."

Lady Clarissa had briefly seemed startled, her eyes widening just a bit as if she had truly believed he would be pleased to see her here, but as he said…it was entirely inappropriate. Even if he wasn't married. The mere fact that they had almost been…intimate…a while back should've ended all communications between them for the sake of propriety. It was quite easy for a noble man such as Arthur to be tricked into a marriage in order to repair any tattered woman's reputation lest he also take some damage. But luckily, his own marriage made the possibility a moot point, something not to be worried about. Unless it was something that bothered his consort. In which case, it meant setting things to right and completely cutting off communications himself. He could hardly go and banish her from the castle without questions being asked, and while Uther already knew something had went on between them thanks to Merlin's sharp tongue, he didn't feel like defending the actions of that…horrid boy he'd been only months ago. He was a man now. And a man fought his own battles even if said opponent was a Lady. A Lady who relaxed her features into something he could see was a bit more neutral, the face of a lady meeting her superior and knowing it.

"Perhaps you are right, and it was inappropriate for me to seek you out during your busy time, but I've been in the city for a few months now and there is still very few people who will talk to me nowadays. I don't know if you are aware of that…horrid rumor that started about me being…ruined by a nobleman…well…it has left me with very few people willing to occupy me. And I simply thought of how long it's been since the two of us got together." Clarissa said, her voice is as smooth as the finest wine, accented in a foreign way that was meant to get a man's attention. One didn't hear accents like that this close to the city, and it was something that might add to her appeal. But Arthur couldn't help but find that Merlin's more country accent sounded like…liquid gold. Sliding in between his eardrums and sinking into his brain and making a home that would not dare to kick him out. "You've been one of the nicer men that I've met and I figured we could benefit from spending more…social time together. Perhaps I may just be able to convince my uncle to travel to the castle…he's such a recluse these days. I'm sure he'd be very pleased to meet you, and appreciate that you took me off of his hands for a while. I understand returning to your bed chambers is the height of wrongness, but surely there are other places we can go. I haven't seen as much of the castle as I would like. I am sure there are dozens of these little spots you must know about…areas people may not be aware of existing?"

Lady Clarissa spoke as if she wanted to have a tour taken of the castle…it was not an unusual request. He was often tasked with taking tours of the ground or the lands, entertaining the sons and daughter of nobles coming to meet with his father. But Arthur usually had another knight or two to company him if he's with a woman…somebody able to witness in case the girl turned out crazy and willing to make up lies of defilement in order to trap him down. He didn't even want to think of the woman that had actually tried that a few years ago, hence his unwillingness to be alone with Clarissa. He hadn't heard of any rumors she had spoke about, but unless it pertained to Merlin, he rarely bothered keeping track with such things. But he couldn't help but find it quite ironic…Clarissa's rumor matching almost entirely with Merlin's…both prominent figures and yet so loose with their morals. Arthur was hardly one to talk, but he at least knew how to read between the lines of Clarissa's suggestion. She wasn't using some tour to see more of the kingdom, she wanted to be alone with him. Probably to pick up where they had left off before Merlin had walked in on them but Arthur was too smart to fall for such a cleverly hidden ruse. He didn't even care if she dangled a meeting with her uncle in front of him…the man had been quite the idol back in his day, an inspiration for young knights alike. And while he'd been no different, he wasn't interested in meeting who had locked himself away in his estate after the last time he had taken to battle many years ago. Not when he knew it would give Merlin the wrong idea if he truly walked off with her, or what they might do together in order to ensure such a meeting happened…

"Do you really think I would be willing to go with you, risking us being seen or worse and adding my name onto whatever rumors that have befallen you, after what you have done? Putting all of that crap into my consort's head…filling him with tales about being my girlfriend when you are anything but." Arthur said in a forceful tone, but as one who was ruled by a desperation to prove himself to another, Arthur hardly cared about the impracticalities that came with being so rude to a noblewoman. He had been raised to treat women with the upmost of respect, simply because he wouldn't have any marriage prospects if he'd been known as a brute…clearly that was out the window now. But he hardly felt it in him to care about such things, his desperation acting in its finest form. He saw only Merlin…Merlin's coldness when he had caught them, irritation when she'd stopped them before the banquet, sadness when Arthur had actually been so dumb, he had treated a unique favor for one he had tossed out as soon as he'd been done with it. "Considering the nonsense you like to tell him, I truly do not know why you thought I would entangle myself any deeper into where this has already gone. The training fields are off limits to you. As are my quarters, and any vicinity in where my consort is standing."

This boundary…it was an important one for Arthur to make, and an important one for him to stick too. There would be no more finding himself alone in any room with Clarissa. No more harmless flirting in an attempt to rile Merlin, as it was clear this had been anything but harmless. Forever disrupting the kind of easy flow he was trying to achieve with Merlin. And there would be, absolutely no accepting of any gifts given to him by Clarissa…him accepting her favor as she teased him about having such a 'childish favor' already on his arm, hadn't done anything other then encourage her to behave absurdly. And he had been the same, using Clarissa once or twice when he should've closed the lid on it ages ago. This boundary wasn't just important for Merlin…it was extremely important to him. He couldn't begin to move them forward into a new era of their lives, if Merlin was hung up over Clarissa every time she bloody well showed up. There would be in iron made circle around Arthur, invisible to the eye but one Arthur would very well refuse to allow Clarissa to cross. The line in the sand in which she could never overstep. The tidal waves of an ocean meant to push her off the path Arthur walked on. The bursting of fire threatening to ruin her for good if she continued making a fool out of herself with her presence. As if he would ever go with her anywhere, now that he knew he was fit to lose Merlin over all of this. Such one small problem compared to the millions they had, but a small problem fixed could lead to bigger ones down the line. And Arthur was willing to snip the cord that had Clarissa entering his life, in order to forge the steel cable that would keep him grounded to Merlin Pendragon.

"Oooh…I wondered rather or not the little boy would actually speak of that tiny conversation we had. I wasn't sure if he was brave enough to do it, or if he was willing to step aside and allow you whatever you wanted. Like a nobleman non-born into our circle would, content to allow their spouse to see another just so they could keep their luxurious new life." Clarissa crooned, before tutting and shaking her head as if she was truly disappointed in Merlin for refusing to just accept the way the world worked. Husbands cheated on their spouses all the time, even nobleman, and rarely got the same flak that their lesser spouse had when they did the same. Arthur wasn't even thinking about none of this…how he might never be with another naked woman on the side because Merlin was liable to be upset about it…it wasn't a priority to him. Never really had been to begin with. There was a reason he'd only been with so few women…his entire world had been devoted to Camelot and the happenings around the kingdom as a whole. It left little time to worry about the feminine grace of a woman who wished to tempt a man to her…no. His only love was for Camelot, and his only devotion would carry on to making Merlin the fixture that he hadn't known his kingdom needed. "But you really shouldn't believe him so willy nilly. He might be speaking the truth now, but he will surely see how blinded you are towards him, and might begin speaking with fibs to see how you might react. A prince should not allow himself to be pulled around by his coat strings so easily."

Arthur's teeth were aching with the insane impulse to snarl at her…who did she think she was? Not bothering to deny what she had said to Merlin…it was truly no wonder how she had ended up the subject of such a damaging rumor. And then to claim Arthur would just follow Merlin blindly…she didn't know a single thing about what was going on between him and Merlin. This wasn't following his consort blindly, this was Arthur realizing Merlin's comfort was his own. His consort needed to be comfortable in his home, needed to walk through these fields with his head held high and proud to be standing there…how could the prince live in luxury when he knew Merlin was in squaller? Leaving all of this to fester…it would leave Arthur restless and unable to behave properly. Merlin is always dragging this beast out of Arthur, and he would not have this…horrible bit of a woman trying to drag Merlin's name through the mud all over again. It was clearer to Arthur more than ever that she was just a spiteful little girl, so used to getting her way that she never questioned she wouldn't…just as he'd always been. Until Merlin forced him to see what was right in front of him. He, Arthur knew, was the real blind man.

"You, Clarissa, need to learn some respect if you are going to be hanging out in Camelot for much longer. There is absolutely nothing wrong about my own consort telling me when there is something bothering him." Arthur hissed at her under his breath…he wished he could just have her tossed in the cells to teach her how to use the respect she was clearly lacking. But this wasn't like the knights currently rotting away down there. Clarissa had done many wrong things in her time here in the city, but she hadn't done anything that could be illegal either. Society had evolved, and while adultery could still end with very heavy consequences, like Arthur losing his kingdom, it didn't often end with a prison sentence. A ruined reputation and monetary compensation for the party offended was the usual way of things these days. "And when something seems to be bothering my consort, then that is something that bothers me. So, I shall tell you one more time, Lady Clarissa of the Beckett family…do not come near my consort again. Do not fill his head with nonsense, do not seek out either of us, and enjoy your uncle's hospitality before you…leave and retire back to the estate of your parents…whenever that actually happens."

Arthur finished his little spiral with a sneer on his lips, knowing Clarissa would see what was between his own words…that she had overstayed her welcome so she should leave Camelot on her own before things got uglier…he didn't care if he was playing his hand to Clarissa, showing her all his cards as he virtually laid them out between them. Didn't care if Clarissa looked at him and sniffed her nose in disgust because 'Merlin' had demanded this of him. Clarissa probably thought for real, that Arthur was allowing Merlin to pull him around like one pulls on the reins of a horse. Telling them what to do and where to go…like a mindless little puppet. But what Clarissa would never understand, was Arthur's willingness to hand those same reins over to Merlin. And allow him to decide what he should do for a while. Arthur had always been the one to do it, to physically push him where he wanted him to go. And yet, it had never brought Arthur satisfaction…Merlin hadn't wanted him to do it, after all. But here, now…Arthur was acting-finally-in Merlin's best interest. And he wasn't going to let some little woman wreck the fragility of what he was trying to build. Between Merlin and Clarissa, well…it was obvious that there had never really been any choice. He thought he was conveying that to Clarissa now, so he was surprised when he saw this slow smile starting to spread across her lips…why was she smiling? And why is it aggravating Arthur…probably because she should be bowing to apologize for overstepping. Like Lancelot had…

"So, what you're really trying to tell me is that the consort is bothered by little old me? Worried that I'm, what? A threat to his position? Somebody capable of stealing his title right out of his hands with little to no effort? Somebody that is going to need him to keep an eye on, for fear I might succeed when he decides not to look?" Clarissa asked, a sadistic interest growing beneath the depths of her eyes, and Arthur's face was steadily turning redder in an effort to not just completely unleash on this woman. Perhaps Arthur shouldn't have admitted it was a real problem for Merlin to see her hanging around all the time, it really is the last thing he needed to see so soon after being released to the wild by his uncle. But Clarissa was toeing a very dangerous line on how far Arthur allowed her to take this…nobody-NOBODY-was going to replace Merlin as his consort. And Clarissa was truly delusional if she thought Arthur would relinquish Merlin from his seat of power. Even if the whole contract thing wasn't in play, keeping the two of them bonded together, Arthur wouldn't dream of taking the title out of his hands. Arthur knew, after everything Merlin and accomplished during these last few months, he had more than earned the title Consort. "….oh, don't go looking so serious. I just think it's amusing how much I'm disturbing him. So much like a little boy, I swear. But while I am sure our families would be able to form a strong alliance through our marriage, it isn't something I'm looking for at the moment. Blowing off some steam though…I think that's a relationship that I can very much get behind."

Clarissa's wicked and seductive grin came out in full force, her hand reaching out to scrape her nail gently along Arthur's jawbone. Once upon a time, that touch would've been a sign that more might be on the way. Giving Arthur a real reason to follow her into an unused room or somewhere else that would be as equally as private. It was a skill that Arthur was sure had been used on many other men, being ruled by the heads beneath their belts instead following the gut instincts that said things needed to stop here before they got further. He's actually sure Clarissa might've done something similar the first time they were in a room together, when Clarissa had first made a play for him by sticking her hand down his pants. But Arthur wasn't tempted with the idea of playing with her flesh, becoming one with her in a way that should never be. Arthur's done moved on to bigger and better things. And besides…even with all the freaking out it had given him…Arthur knew for a fact that Merlin's lips tasted far better than any concoction Clarissa could cost hers in. Which was why he didn't have a single regret when he reached up and snatched her finger in his fist, having to remind himself this was a lady as he pulled it away from his face. Not a man he could punch in the face and then order to work in the stables until he finally remembered they were there…

"No."

The sharpness in Arthur's voice finally seemed to stun her, shaking up what self confidence Lady Clarissa thought she had. She blinked her jeweled green eyes at him…they were pale in comparison to Merlin's stormy blue…and pulled her finger out of his grip. Arthur only allowed it because she was a woman…he found it quite hard to believe though, how such a woman could get beneath his consort's skin like she had. Perhaps though, it was kinda like how Arthur would feel when he thought about what Merlin must be doing with his other men…the things he might be doing with Lancelot despite his denial. The horrible rushing of discontent and agitation and rage, like a tiger pacing around in his cage and unable to escape like he would like…Arthur's heart thundered away madly right beneath his ribcage, reminding him of that feeling. Yes…Arthur didn't want for Merlin to feel like this. There was absolutely no telling what somebody like that consort of his would do if he felt the anger as acutely as Arthur did. Merlin was carrying ice in his soul more than he carried fire, yes, but…he figured the fury was the same either way. And the explosion when he released that anger could be devastating.

"We're done here."

Arthur finished off firmly, watching as Clarissa curled her hand up against her chest, narrowing her eyes with irritation that she hadn't won him over, as if she ever could. Arthur couldn't help but think, carrying on with his earlier thoughts …did Merlin feel that icy cold fury because he remembered seeing the hand of the lady sliding its way down the front of his pants? Did Merlin see her doing it each and every time he looked at her…with Arthur, it was different. Sure Arthur had seen Merlin talking with his conquests and being overly friendly with men like Lancelot. But he had never actually SEEN anything. He'd never walked into a room only to catch Merlin's lips, something so intimate-almost more than the actual act of sex would be-and sweet tasting and beautiful, pressing onto any other man that would never be able to appreciate how they tasted in full. He'd never seen Merlin pressed against a table, with another man undoing the loose strings on his trousers in order to find what, Arthur supposed there were gayer men then him who'd consider their prize as a treat, laid beneath. He had never walked into a room, only for Merlin's head to whip up and stare at him with the electric blue of his eyes, mouth dropping open with both horror and arousal as another larger men shoved his cock into his little hole. Forcing Arthur to watch as his consort was defiled in front of him, Merlin's eyes fluttering close as that pretty red hue flamed his face…breaths coming out short and desperate as he got off despite his unexpected audience…Arthur was almost thankful he'd not walked in on such a scene. Merlin's backside would be smeared with blood as Arthur gutted the man before he had a chance to find his gratification inside of Merlin's sweet and rounded bottom.

"Alright, Arthur Pendragon. I will leave you, but I do know that I won't be doing nothing more than hanging around while waiting for you to get bored with your little pet project over there." Lady Clarissa said, in a surprisingly cool tone, but Arthur only stared at her impassive, unimpressed by her behavior. Merlin was a much better opponent than she was. There was a certain coldness that Merlin could carry with him into a room when he was pissed, and it somehow affected everything around him…it made Arthur feel cold to the bone, goosebumps just breaking out across his skin and leaving him aching for a bit of warmth. Able to take every bit of the warmth with him, his Merlin could, and Clarissa could only sound pathetic for trying to match his tone. And don't even get Arthur started on what she had actually said…Merlin would've been able to make Arthur feel as if he was two feet tall with a single word. Lady Clarissa had spoken two full sentences and yet…he felt taller than ever. Like a stone building unable to fall or break from either time or circumstances. Clarissa was nothing more than a fly beneath his notice, a fly that his Merlin could have easily trapped inside of his web and swallowed whole without effort. Clarissa wouldn't have known just what hit her until it was far too late. That was who his Merlin was, and this was the side that Arthur wanted to nurture until it was more prominent. He wanted to see what Merlin could do with that kind of power bestowed upon him… "But just so you know, while I'm sitting by myself and entertaining myself with all of my extensive hobbies, you'll be doing nothing. Because you won't be with me, and your consort will be too busy with that new man he's hanging all over."

Arthur's lips thinned considerably, almost disappearing completely, but Lady Clarissa was already turning without a word and storming away from him after hitting him where it hurt. Of course, Arthur wouldn't have been the only one to have noticed Merlin's intense attitude towards this…Lancelot, person. But that didn't matter right now…Lancelot had already left, and Clarissa was leaving his fields now. Never to return or disturb his line of vision again. Arthur waited till he could see her disappearing into the castle with a huff, walking slow as if she had half expected for Arthur to go chasing after her to apologize and beg for her to entertain him the same way Lancelot may entering Merlin. For a woman who had been so concerned about the 'rumors' that had destroyed her, she'd been surprisingly willing to make sure there was some truth in them…her eager behavior to get Arthur to fall into bed with her had been a disgrace. And it only made Arthur trust his decision to no longer associate with her. He didn't waver where he stood, waiting impatiently, anxiously, until he couldn't see nary a hint of blond hair or purple silks. Before he turned back around, eager eyes darting across the field in search of Merlin.

See, see, Arthur thought with this desperate abandonment as he searched the long stretch of fields for his consort, did you see the way that I handled her. Or were you disappointed? Did you like how I sent her on her way, with such strict instructions on leaving us alone. Or were you hoping I would do more to her, to humiliate her such as she tried humiliating you. Was it satisfying, or would you like for me to chase after her and insist she find some excuse to leave the city for good, so her mere presence in our home no longer disrupts you. My sweet Merlin…whatever you wish could be, would be my command…Arthur's thought went unfinished. His chest seizing up as he realized something he should have before, but had been too eager for Merlin's judgement-to know whether or not he had pleased him-to realize the immediate problem.

…

…

…

Merlin hadn't seen anything he'd done…

…

…

…

He's already left the fields.

X

Merlin Pendragon was doing what he did best, the rhythmic motion of pushing the pastel into the bowl again and again to crush the herbs into dust, was a big help with clearing his mind for the most part. Hearing the click of glass against glass, having to push harder to even out the heavier chunks that would've only prevented the ointment, Gaius was teaching him how he could make that pain relief ointment he had used on Lancelot's wound from the creature that came after them. And while this wasn't…particularly, helping Merlin keep his mind off the disaster that was Lancelot, it at least gave him something to do with both of his hands, something mindless that could keep him busy for a time. But as it turned out, it was either Merlin did this, or stalk Lancelot outside the stables like a creeper.

Merlin took a deep and heavy breath through his nose, feeling this particularly large lump as the dust start smoothing out…it hadn't taken him very long to be able to find Lancelot once he had left Arthur making a fool out of himself. He'd been right where Merlin thought he would be…in the stables hard at work. The warrior had shed his fancy clothes from Gwen, setting them aside until he was going to need them next, and worked in just his undershirt as he lifted bales of hay for the horses. Shoveled manure out of their stalls…okay, maybe Merlin is a creeper for having stood there so long just watching him. All he'd wanted to do was go inside and apologize to him properly, make things right between the two of them after the way he'd lied to him. But the only thing that kept Merlin from doing it was…he was pretty sure Lancelot knew he was there. And it was obvious that he didn't want to see him, keeping his gaze steadily on his work instead of the consort. Merlin knew all about somebody butting in when you didn't want to see them, so…

He'd left.

And came home.

Merlin had felt as if he was something the cat dragged in, stumbling through the front door just before nightfall, like some kind of skittish and unruly mess. His uncle had taken one look at his face, and immediately put him straight to work…others might see it as Gaius using him as free labor. But Merlin was just glad his uncle knew him so well…if he had gone up to his room to bathe then he would've spent the entire night reimagining his and Arthur's latest fight in his head again and again. Imagining the way Arthur had stormed after that girl, how the glint of silver would haunt Merlin's vision forevermore…but nothing is worse then having Lancelot's face seared into his brain when Arthur gleefully told him who he was…that was why Merlin hated Arthur so bloody much. The prince only cared about what made him happy, and shoving other people right in the face with whatever he could, and screw everybody else…

Screw Merlin and what he wanted.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say whatever you've been doing this day, didn't plan out like you planned. And I'm going to go even further out on that limb and consider this has something to do with Lancelot…are you really still upset because he won't be able to become a knight?" Gaius finally asked him after Merlin gave a heavy sigh for the millionth time, his hands moving on autopilot more than he was concentrating on it. Merlin didn't look back up at his uncle, but he gave a brittle smile down at his work…he really wish that it's as easy as Gaius made it sound. If only Merlin's only problem was Lancelot not being able to become a knight because of his bloodline…that was something he could actually work with. Or work around like he'd been trying. But that was a problem only because of the laws of the land…they had nothing to actually do with Merlin. "I know that Lancelot must be disappointed as well…is it why you two aren't together right now? You've been practically attached right at the hip since he's got here…is he trying to figure out what he's going to need to do next? With his plans now gone, he must be scrambling about trying to find something to do with his future-"

Gaius cut himself off when Merlin pressed a little harder onto the pastel, the clinking of glass cutting through the air…Merlin hardly noticed. Merlin wasn't used to keeping things from his uncle nowadays, the man probably knew him far better than anybody else in the kingdom. But he couldn't tell Gaius a thing about what was happening…his heart felt heavy in his chest as he focused on his grinding of herbs. As far as his uncle was concerned, the only thing Merlin had done was take Lancelot on a tour around the castle, showing him around the marketplace and the courtyard and the other odds and end places that he may need to know. Merlin had gotten pretty proficient moving around better than when he had first arrived… practically knew where the hotspots were like the back of his hand…those were the places Merlin had known to avoid when he was in his more vulnerable state. But Gaius didn't know that Merlin spent his early hours of the morning getting Lancelot a royal seal together, and he didn't know Merlin had taken Lancelot to Gwen's and enlisted in her help to make this work…didn't know Merlin had taken Lancelot to the training field to be tested by Arthur. Didn't know that Arthur had ruined everything before any of it was even over…why did Merlin keep doing this to himself…

"Sad as it is, being disappointed is just a part of life. Lancelot's not doing good but he's already found himself work. He's down at the stables right now. It isn't the place somebody as…skilled as Lancelot should be, but at least it's honest work for the time being." Merlin said in a low murmur, still not looking at Gaius in case he could see the lie brimming in his eyes. Perhaps everything would've been so much better if Merlin hadn't bothered getting himself involved…if he'd only conceded to Camelot's laws and let the whole thing go. The other would still be disappointed with not being a knight, but at least it would've given him a bit more time to figure out how to tell Lancelot who he really was. Gwen had been right…finding out from Merlin would've been a better alternative than him finding out because Arthur couldn't keep his trap shut. "I don't think he'll stay there for long, but it's gonna give him time to figure some thing's out. Decide a few things about his future, and what he's going to do…"

Gaius hummed noncommittally under his breath, and Merlin continued with his grinding even if there was nothing really left for him to grind. He'd already got the herbs to turn into dust and powder by this point, but he was too scared to stop, lest it encourage his uncle to keep asking him questions he would have to lie to talk his way out of. He didn't like lying…ironic considering the one and only thing he needed to do to live a quiet and unassuming life was to keep on lying through his teeth. Lying though…lying was what had gotten him into this entire mess. Lancelot may still be his friend if Merlin had spoken the truth that very first morning…or maybe he wouldn't have been his friend for even these last few days. Too busy saying 'my consort' as if he was somebody important and needed to be respected at all cost. Though he doubted Lancelot would be spending this time thinking very respectful thoughts on him right now…he was most likely cursing Merlin out for his deception. Whatever…awe and inspiration Merlin had given to Lancelot before they met…had probably blackened until it was nothing…Merlin wondered if Lancelot was even going to bother returning tonight. Or if he was going to sleep in the barn on a thing of hay and hope one of the horses didn't squish him in his sleep…

"…you know, you seem to be taking all of this very maturely. I would've thought I would've heard the rumors spinning by now on the latest thing you've done…perhaps something ridiculous like confronting the king to try and get his law changed so anybody who wanted a shot could become a knight." Gaius said in a slow drawl, and Merlin's pestle clinked twice as loud once again…would that had even worked, the consort thought. Uther wouldn't have exactly listened to him if Merlin started challenging him again, but Merlin had gotten him to shift his mind once or twice before…Gwen's imprisonment was a big one. But that didn't sound like something that would work twice…knowing his luck, he was either going to get thrown in the dungeons that zapped his energy or forced to live in an estate in the middle of a desert somewhere so he wouldn't keep on causing trouble. "But perhaps you've grown a bit since your last ordeal. You're not as…reckless, as you were. More quiet I believe, but starting to get yourself together. Maybe you've finally learned how things work around here, and won't get yourself into anymore trouble?"

Gaius made it sound like a question, and Merlin's lips thinned as he gave the man a very brief and tight lipped smile. It hurt, knowing what Gaius wanted to hear but knowing he had indeed gotten himself into trouble again…not for the first time since Merlin had came home, the image of their shared wedding ring on Arthur's finger flashed in his mind. Merlin crushed down on the powder and squished it flat against the little bowl he was holding…Arthur really was such a fool for thinking wearing his ring was going to change anything. Had probably simply put it on for show because he somehow knew he would be seeing him today. Continuing to put on his theatrics as if Merlin was going to swoon and fall into his arms or something and start trailing after him like the pathetic man he'd once been. Lancelot wouldn't have trailed after him like that…but maybe it was what had attracted Merlin to Lancelot in the first place. The two really were quite similar…both warriors destined to make a difference, one for the bad and one for the good, in other's lives. But that was pretty much where all the similarities had ended, and Merlin had been left with neither of them…

"Maybe I've simply…learned how to better control my impulses. It's better for me to…stay in my lane and do what I'm told, rather than getting myself involved only to watch it blow up in my face. It's rarely actually worth all the trouble I've caused in the end." Merlin said softly, pressing down hard enough on the block in his hand that he could feel the indentions forming on his palm…it had actually been Arthur who had told him that once, to 'stay in his lane.' And it felt as if he was parroting the prince, but maybe Arthur had actually been right. Staying in his lane would've saved him this new devastation. It would've erased all of the trouble he had caused…Lancelot would be able to keep his little charade with being a noblemen going. Keeping the outfit and the seal and the sword, but he had lost a friend in the process. Lancelot would hopefully, if Arthur ever made that stick in his arse dissolve, become everything he wanted to be. And Merlin would watch him grow in the ranks from the sidelines…it wouldn't be the worse place to be. But Merlin still wished he could stand beside him and watch as he entered his knighthood… "There's a reason that I like to stick to my little rules and routines and schedule. There's less of a chance for me to make a mistake if I'm already prepared for what I'm going to do next. No surprises that way, or nothing that will knock me off my path…"

Gaius hummed lowly beneath his breath, and Merlin twisted the pastel in the dust once again, not noticing the way Gaius' brows furrowed deeply along the center of his forehead. Merlin had always been so very strict with his ways this last month. Not a minute had been unaccounted for, and Merlin hadn't missed a single scheduled time. He studied Gaius' medical books at the right time, he worked on his potions with Gaius at the right time, studied his magic book just before bed…had three square meals a day even if they were only half eaten. Or bathed as soon as night had fallen, since he already knew he wouldn't have a reason to leave their quarters for the rest of the night. But…Merlin had been cutting back corners these last few days, or…obliterating his entire schedule all for the sake of one man. He could hardly keep to his times when he had to forge a knight out of the dirt…it was a very bleak existence that awaited him, Merlin knew. No surprises in life, no waking up and brimming with excitement over what the day would bring him…what was the point when he knew exactly what was going to happen in his tightly constrained schedule? But it was like a lifeboat to him, something for Merlin to hold onto, to center his entire world all around in order to save it…he never should've stopped what he'd been doing. It was why he was working with Gaius now. He still had a small bit of time to go before the sun fell below the horizons, which meant he could probably finish up this ointment before he needed to get his bath. He wasn't going anywhere else tonight, no more night time adventures that he figured would only get him coated in another layer of dust and dirt he would have to wash off again later…

Gaius opened his mouth to say something to Merlin…perhaps he had noticed how unsettling it was for Merlin to keep so rigid with what he was meant to be doing, but he was interrupted before he could be. The door swinging open on its hinges, squeaking loudly in the ill fitting frame, and Merlin went still, as his heart leaped straight into his throat. Gaius was raising a heavy eyebrow at him, clearly seeing the intense reaction he had to the door opening. And though the consort knew logically it could've been anybody, Gaius was a court physician of course, strangers coming in at all hours of the day and night was expected. But this was no stranger…and Merlin knew that as sure as he knew his heart was starting to flutter with anxiousness. Merlin hadn't dreamed that Lancelot would actually return after the faithful revelation that had happened this day, but there he was…it was almost like a dream, when Merlin finally turned so he could see him as he closed the door. An extremely vivid dream that Merlin was sure he would wake up from at any moment…one that would make him dissolve into more tears as he remembered Lancelot's horror when he learned just who Merlin was.

"Ah, Lancelot. Welcome back. My nephew here was just telling me about how you had found work at the stables. I can see that's true. I know that it's not the job you were hoping for. But a stable hand isn't the worse paying one that you could've gotten into." Gaius spoke, as friendly as ever-was Gaius ever friendly-as if he didn't notice the tension that flooded the room between the two boys. Merlin's eyes roamed like a lost puppy over Lancelot's form, the boy was now completely covered in dirt. Staining the dirty white tunic he had arrived to their fair city wearing, and it even covered a good majority of his face as if he'd had fallen in it. Merlin really hoped that it was dirt, and Lancelot hadn't ended up a face full of horse dung…he also had a large sack carried over his shoulder. The consort didn't know where Lancelot had gotten the bag, maybe a horse feeder bag that wasn't being used and given to him at the stables, but Merlin's sure it was housing the clothes Merlin had gifted to him, made by Gwen. "They'll treat you well over there. Tyr has worked there for years, and he's always spoken of good things working there whenever he has to come see me. Then again, he is more appreciative to horses then most people would consider normal…"

It would've been funny, a way to loosen the tension, if Merlin had been in any kind of mood to laugh…the idea of a man named Tyr, being closer towards the horses instead of the people that actually rode them. But Merlin figured that the horses were probably easier to deal with than the people…calmer and less likely to beat you into the ground once they got used to having you around all the time…Merlin swallowed hard. His throat felt exceedingly dry…was it time for him to drink his water? Water was probably the only thing that wasn't on Merlin's extensive 'schedule', it was just water. He drunk whenever he needed too. But perhaps adding an actual schedule for it would be better. Merlin had a habit of losing himself in his work in order to forget his troubles, it would stand to reason that this meant he got dehydrated a lot…more now than ever before.

"Yes, Gaius. The stables have been treating me…very kindly. Tyr made sure to keep me…exceedingly busy. You aren't wrong though. He spends too much of his time with those horses, I believe." Lancelot spoke up, but it sounded like he was using every bit of energy he had in order to get that small bit out. As if all he wanted to do was flop onto a bed of his own and sleep the night away, and not bother with the possible dung coating him until he was clearer minded. He still found himself latching onto every word Lancelot was speaking, his hand shook slightly around the bowl of powder…Lancelot wasn't even looking in his direction. Could Lancelot not even bear to look at him now? Was he really that disappointed that 'Merlin', idiotic klutz, was the same consort he had spent so much of his time fussing over? "Of course. I would like to wash myself off and have a good night's rest. I'll be needed back there in the morning. Of course, if that is acceptable to you…Consort Merlin, if I use your chambers to freshen up for the night."

Merlin would not have said Lancelot was rude before, he had been kind and all nervous and full of jittery energy when he had first woken up in their home. He was looser though. Spoke as if Merlin was an equal to him, though Lancelot is clearly a far better man than him…this was different though. Lancelot was now more reserved than he had ever been, spoken in deference to somebody who stood in power above him. Spoken to him like he was a consort, and it sent a cold slash against Merlin's heart, like a knife sinking into his ribcage. And the consort slowly nodded his head, his throat closing up tight and leaving Merlin unable to say anything as Lancelot tilted his head down in a half bow, and left bounding up the stairs two at a time. Merlin's bedroom door shut softly behind him, and Merlin turned back to his work, blinking back his tears as he twisted the sand a little bit more. He was positive, if Merlin had been any other off the street, Lancelot would've been comfortable enough to bound up the stairs to take his washing without asking. What was Merlin's, he would have been more than welcomed to use. But being Consort…Lancelot probably had some deep seated reservations about using the simple bucket Merlin kept in his room for his own washings…as if the bucket was made of gold and he was too scared to touch it for fear of scratching the surface and landing himself in a lifetime of debt in order to pay it off. Merlin twisted the powder once again, not actually seeing what he was doing, but doing it all the same…

"That was very odd, I do not remember Lancelot treating you as if you were the consort. In fact, I do not remember Lancelot even knowing that you were the consort at all. Weren't you trying to keep that from him?" Gaius asked in a casual tone, the parental tone that said he knew his son had done something so incredibly stupid. Merlin's hands shook around the bowl a little bit…it was not surprising that Gaius knew Lancelot had been ignorant about his identity. The two had probably talked for a little bit that morning Merlin had found the two having breakfast, the day Lancelot had first woken up and Merlin had got a real first conversation out of him. Had Lancelot been talking about him…telling Gaius how the two of them had met, casually and light and definitely not the way a man talked about a boy married to the prince of a kingdom. "I'm going to take a guess that this is why you've been off ever since you came here. He found out what you were hiding and now….now things are different. He has to treat you like an actual consort now, for fear he might be arrested for fearing he stepped out of line. Do I even dare to hope he found out because you told him the truth?"

Merlin didn't want to speak the truth, his throat clogging as he resisted letting the tears fall…he hasn't allowed himself to cry at all this month. It was part of his whole new 'lease on life' thing he was trying so hard to achieve. He'd spent so much of his time crying back then, he wanted to be as far removed from the tears as he could. Most days, it had been easy to block the urge to cry when it felt like everything was getting a bit too overwhelming. Another reason to stick to his schedule like he should've been…it was hard to cry when he didn't give himself a time period for crying. But…Merlin had practically backed himself in a corner here. Gaius knew something was up, had probably known the second he had shown up and had just been waiting for him to say something, but then Lancelot had walked in and now…this…surely Lancelot knew Merlin would not have him arrested! Just for treating him like a person…

"Lancelot knows exactly who I am because stupid Arthur decided he didn't like me hiding my 'identity' and decided to share it with the whole bloody world. Or you know…tell it to Lancelot, being so fucking smug about it…it made me want to take his bloody face and just…gah!" Merlin couldn't do this anymore, and he dropped the bowl and pastel onto the table in a loud clatter…breathing in deep to get through the red hot rage trying to overtake him…he hated this part. Just absolutely hated being mad all the damn time. He used to be bloody happy! In a little village where everybody knew his name but nobody deferred to him as if he was their better. The frustration spurned Merlin into talking more, waving his hands in the air as if he was a man possessed, "Oh, and that's not the end of it. I managed to convince Lancelot to try out for the knights, got him all that he needed to be fancy and everything. Lancelot's not happy, I'm not happy, so you definitely don't wanna know what Arthur's doing! But go ahead and yell at me. Let's hear all about how irresponsible and stupid it was for tangling myself into all of this. Here you were, just a minute ago, praising me for being mature and living my life, and then I go and do something like this. I just can't seem to help myself and it only seems to be wrecking things all around me again!"

By the time Merlin was done, he had slammed his hands onto the edge of the table and wrapped his palms around the frame, a standing force to keep him steady, though he wasn't entirely sure it was working out. But at least it had bloody well been there, unlike Arthur who made his life so bloody miserable, it had to be some kind of record for 'worse marriage ever.' And the bloody idiot wasn't even here, probably still showing off for Clarissa and trying to waste his time by making Merlin think he had actually gone over there to tell her off, just a load of bull. But…fuck…Merlin took in another shuddering breath that tasted more like smoke on his tongue than anything else…he always felt like he'd had somehow swallowed smoke when he was this pissed. Something about how he could feel his blood pumping in his veins hot and steady, his lungs expanding but scratchy as he forced the air in…like fire wanted to form but didn't exactly have when it needed to thrive.

"First off, Merlin. You do not wreck everything that you touch. That is exactly the kind of mindset we need to rid you of. But, and I'm sure this is the very last thing you want to hear just as it's the very last thing that I want to say, but I do believe Arthur might've been right to tell Lancelot who you were. Now, I'm sure the way he actually did it left much to desire, and it definitely should've came from you instead, but Lancelot did need to know." Gaius said firmly, and Merlin blinked up at him with large, blue, wounded eyes. Logically, he knew his uncle was right, but he still felt…betrayed, in a way. It sounded as if Gaius may have actually been siding with Arthur on this one. And that…that was a pretty strong blow considering Gaius had always been on his side. Even when he was telling Merlin he'd done something stupid, it had always been for his own good. And not the way Arthur did it, insisting he hurt Merlin for his own good because he didn't fit into the perfect mold Arthur wanted him in. No…Gaius did it because it actually 'was' for his own good. Something he needed to face or get himself to come to terms with because if he didn't…it had a habit of festering until he finally popped in the most inconvenient way possible. Did Gaius really have to agree with Arthur though? "I'm only agreeing with what he did at all, because Merlin…you ARE the Consort. You ARE Consort Merlin. And no matter just how much you try to deny it, or try to pretend you aren't…you are. And the day that you accept that, is the day that things will go much smoother. Once you have finally managed to connect with the Consort side of yourself. Now…tell me just what you have done with Lancelot, Merlin. Considering the first code has not been broken by any man since its formation, I can only assume that your hand in this is even deeper than I wish for it to be?"

Merlin hunched his shoulders into himself…yeah. This sounded like something Gaius would say. It was basically a lecture on 'accepting himself' and just who he was…but accepting himself as Consort was extremely different from other things considering he didn't FEEL like a Consort. Accepting that he was gay is not a problem for him, it's just how he's always been. Accepting that he was a sorcerer was a bit harder to swallow, considering he could die from his magic being caught. But again…he had been born this way and had always known of the threat that hovered over his head. And yet being Consort…had never even once crossed his mind before Leon and his renegade of knights had shown up to take him away. Maybe it would be easier for him if he accepted the title and all the strings that came with it, but…he just couldn't CONNECT with that part of him. Even after all the stuff he'd done…he'd done those things because he was Merlin Bloody Pendragon and refused to leave things as they were. It was not because he was 'consort' and had been expected to do anything besides what he had been told to do….and Arthur certainly didn't make it easy for him.

"All I had to do was bend the rules a little. But I mean, it's not like being the consort was doing me any favors. Even with all this political power that I am meant to have, I still couldn't do the one thing that Lancelot wanted to pay him back for saving my life." Merlin exclaimed, his fingers clenching all around the table like a vice, starting to turn his knuckles white. His forearms were starting to tremble in his efforts to hold back his emotions…it was a real kick right into his groin…Lancelot had done more for him in five minutes then his own actual husband ever had. And what had Merlin done? He had lied to him, betrayed his trust by keeping his identity secret, and probably even humiliated him…Merlin doubted the man would've been gushing so much about the consort if he had known Merlin was the consort. "Somebody had to do something about that. It is an unfair rule, that whole first rule of Camelot crap. Uther can say whatever it is he wants to justify his reasoning for creating such a law! But it's only one more way for him to distinguish between commoners and nobles, so he can go ahead and keep the line that separates the ranks of the people. He can't do it if he's got common men walking up to his doorstep asking to lay down and risk their lives just like any other knight would."

The room was abnormally quiet as Merlin's violent rant came to a startling end, and the only sound from Merlin was his ragged breathing. None of that is a fair thing. It wasn't fair that Merlin was stuck here pretending to be their consort, and it wasn't fair that Lancelot had been forced to come crawling back simply because he didn't have anywhere else to go. Merlin was a simple man who had only ever wanted a simple life…or at least he did now, after he'd been forced to see what the high life was really like. And then there was Lancelot who wanted to enrich himself in that high life, for completely selfless reasons…the man had only wanted to help people. And some stupid bloody law had decided he's not allowed too. Just like some bloody contract had told Merlin he didn't have any other choice than sealing his fate to the Pendragon family. How different their two lives were…it was daunting knowing either of them could've traveled down a different path if the rules of the land had allowed it…

"As unfair as you might think the laws are, it's incredibly dangerous what you are trying to do! Bending the rules to make it happen? Do I really have to ask if it wasn't magic that helped you bend those rules?" Gaius demanded, keeping his voice low on the off chance that Lancelot might hear them from upstairs…Merlin hunched his shoulders up to his ears in shame. Gaius was always going off about him using magic, but what else had he been meant to do? Ignore the suffering of Lancelot going on right in front of him? Pretend there wasn't other skills he could employ if being consort couldn't help him? All he'd really done was copy a royal seal onto a parchment, not even the faint shimmer of magic when it formed had remained for very long. A spell that had only taken him a single moment before it was over with, his use of magic wasn't even that big of an issue here. It had only been the means he had used to get Lancelot as far as he did. "How many times must I say, your magic is not a tool! You cannot continue abusing the amazing gift that you've been given! Using it whenever you see fit! Why would you continue risking your life, over something like this of all things!"

Merlin blinked rapidly, his tears flooding his vision, making everything blur and nearly blinding him…it always felt so unfair when Gaius gave him his lecture…why was it fair that other people got to use their skills and Merlin had to keep his hidden in the shadows, and hope everything worked out when he could get it all fixed with a simple snap of his fingers. Just because his gifts were a little more out there, more mystical and capable of causing mass destruction, or to save thousands of lives…he wasn't allowed to use them. Merlin knew that his uncle was only trying to keep him safe, but he didn't understand the reasons for Merlin's decision. He didn't understand how indebted Merlin felt toward the man who had saved his life! Merlin couldn't stride into a room and demand the laws of King Uther be changed to make things more fair, but this…this was the one thing that he could have done! It might've blown up in his face, but he had done it for Lancelot. With everything else going on…that was probably the one thing Merlin didn't regret. Deciding to help Lancelot…the way nobody had truly managed to help him until his problems had landed on their doorstep…

"Do you have any idea how terrified I was when I met Lancelot…when he came out of nowhere and saved my life from Bryon and Julian?" Merlin asked Gaius in a surprisingly steady tone, though he felt anything but steady. The physician lapsed into silence, staring steadily at Merlin, but the consort couldn't bear to look at him. Couldn't bear to see the worry and disappointment in his eyes as Merlin delved as much as he could in his magical roots. "I was literally stuck in the middle of nowhere with them, I had no help coming for me and then I could not use my magic either. Those men were literally going to kill me just because I was their consort, and they were going to get away with it. And then Lancelot showed up…when they left me behind knowing that I was going to die from the creature out there…Lancelot was the one that saved me. I owe him my life. And it's only right for me to pay back that debt…magic was the only way to do that. Lancelot didn't know I was consort, I was nothing more than a stranger to him and he decided to save me anyway. He deserves every opportunity that I can give him. Every opportunity that…just plain Merlin has at his disposal, and not just what Consort Merlin would've had to turn him away for because he could not do anything for him. If you want to punish me just for doing what I can, go right on ahead. It won't make a bit of difference about what's happened."

Merlin didn't want his uncle to see him crying, and he reached up to rub harsh at his eyes with the palm of his hand. Pressing it as hard as he could, until he could see black dots-stars-forming in his vision. Why…why did he still have to be like that? He was meant to be getting better, meant to be stronger than the little boy he had been all these months. And look at him now…one argument to much from Arthur, his friendship with Lancelot falling around in shambles right around his feet, and Gaius disappointed with him…it was too much for him. He was backtracking in his healing, or maybe he hadn't really been healing like he thought he'd been. Maybe his scheduling and his routines had only been some kind of bandage, concealing the problem but doing very little to fix anything…

"You know…there's always the third option that you could've gone with. You didn't have to do things the Merlin way, and risk getting your head placed on a chopping block. And you didn't have to do things the Consort way either, just so Uther could laugh you out of his throne room when you brought Lancelot to his attention." Gaius finally said after a long and extended silence, sounding a little choked up himself, like he always did when Merlin's vulnerability started to show. Merlin would've been drowning in guilt all over again, knowing that he was only causing Gaius to sink with him when he got like this. If he wasn't so confused…Merlin lifted his head and looked at his uncle, brows furrowing into the center of his forehead. Gaius shook his head at him, "Think about it for just a second here, Merlin. You are Just Merlin because of your mother. And your Consort Merlin Pendragon, because you are married to Uther's heir. And yet…I do believe there is a third heritage you have. Or do you not recall being one of the last members of the Wyllt Family…my family. And as I have no children of my own, my one and only heir, next to claim my family titles. Through the right that comes with the blood that runs through your veins."

Merlin's breath caught in his throat, blinking rapidly as he observed what had just been told to him…Gaius was, as always…right. Merlin rarely, if ever, tried to think about what being Gaius' nephew meant. It meant that Merlin was a noble by blood, that the blood flowing through his veins was just as noble as any of the other nobility that he'd encountered. That was somehow different, since it was something he was born as. Same as being gay, same as being born with a magic most people would never have. But Merlin had never seen himself as a…noble. He still considered himself a peasant…it had been how he was raised so it was what he identified as. Merlin had never considered the implications that came with being…the last heir of a noble family. He wasn't even sure what that meant for him now. And most definitely wasn't sure how being a member from Gaius' family was going to…help him with Lancelot. It wasn't as if Lancelot was going to be told that he was a…a…a Wyllt and decide it was okay Merlin lied to him all this time…wait a minute…Wyllt. Merlin rolled that name around along his tongue…did that mean he had a last name? Peasants didn't have last names at all, such things being reserved by the noble folk. But it was hard to imagine or think about how, if life had taken a different turn, he could've been known as…Merlin Wyllt.

"You wouldn't have had to make any of the risks you made with Lancelot, and wouldn't have even needed to go to Arthur at all, if you decided to make that man a knight under our family name." Gaius patiently explained, after seeing the confusion Merlin was shooting his way. The aged physicaian shook his head in an exasperated manner before continuing, "Merlin…being Just Merlin, you couldn't do anything at all. But being a Pendragon, you couldn't have done a thing without the king's permission. Being a Wyllt though…it's almost like this loophole in the rule. I mean…you do know that Camelot City is not the one and only place that has knights, don't you? Where do you think all the knights that travel here come from, if not from other families and other estates…there are lords and ladies who live all over Camelot who employ their own knights. Men of their choosing, who they trust to uphold the duties of a knight. Now, I find myself very aware that being the knight of a lesser noble family with only two members to its name is not the same as wearing the colors of Camelot, doing his sacred duty under Prince Arthur's training, but…it's definitely an option he could have considered. You already know who Lancelot is, so he never would have needed to pose as anybody else. And all you would have needed to do was appoint him as a Knight of the Wyllt family."

That…Merlin blinked…it couldn't really have been as simple as that, could it be? Surely something would've happened if he tried…Uther or Arthur would have stopped him from doing it. Arthur probably would've claimed Merlin was 'making him look bad' by declaring a commoner was a better knight for Merlin to keep around, instead of accepting one of the many bullying gits that Arthur employed. But…why hadn't he considered it before? Just because Merlin didn't realize there was some power held in the Wyllt family wasn't an excuse. Gaius himself had pointed out all the other knights Merlin had seen before…like when the tourney had been big a few months back. Dozens of knights had came and flooded the kingdom with their presence, wearing different colors and coats of arms. Merlin was sure none of them had been foreign, they had simply came from different areas of the kingdom. Different lands but still resting on top of Camelot soil. Arthur couldn't have possibly trained all of them at one point or another. Many estates were in other cities or had been built in the middle of nowhere if they valued their privacy. Obviously, the lords and ladies who lived in those estates would need to employ their own men to ensure they be kept protected. They wouldn't be able to rely on Camelot Knights being able to get their on time if something happened. So that meant they would need to have their own forces assembled…their own team of knights…

"Uncle Gaius…if I could actually do something like that…what exactly would a knight under our family do?"

Merlin asked this with all the careful consideration in the world, knowing that he needed more information before he even considered doing something like this. Fuck…Merlin couldn't believe that he was actually considering this? The path to knighthood was never going to be an easy one for Lancelot to walk but walking the path to knighthood with Merlin…no. The consort was quick to try forcing those thoughts out of his mind. Even if Merlin actually liked what Gaius was going to tell him, it wasn't going to make a lick of difference. Lancelot was so bloody mad at him right now, he would never agree to work for Merlin. Not when he'd already committed himself to doing things Arthur's way, working in the stables and all, to achieve his dreams. Gaius had said…this was an option that Lancelot could choose instead of working under Arthur. But Merlin could not see it as a viable option at all. Working for Them? Merlin could only see it being a step down, to Lancelot. Maybe akin to a spit in the face. Lancelot was not good enough to be accepted by the big leagues, so he had to settle for a hired hand…

"Oh, no, Merlin. Lancelot wouldn't be working under our family, just our family name. I would want no part of this, of course. I'm an old man and I do have my own life, there's a reason I never bothered appointing a knight to look after me in the first place. If you actually did do something like this, then Lancelot shall be under your complete, direct, command." Gaius said briskly, and Merlin felt his heart pick up speed with anxiousness…he felt as if he had just been given a child to watch, only nobody had ever taught him how to watch said child or what to even do with a kid. Merlin had never been in command of anything…not really. Yeah, he supposed he could order the actual knights around if he really wanted too, but they didn't follow him. They followed Arthur, and if the prince told them to ignore him, then they would. And he'd once again be all on his own. This would be different though…this would be Lancelot listening first and foremost…to him. It was a scary thought. Though Merlin didn't even want to order Lancelot around. He just wanted to…to do something for his friend. "I suppose though, that one of the things you need to know about a knight that works under another family, is that he has no obligation to listen to Arthur or Uther. He'd be working for you, not for them. But his duties would basically be the same as any knight that trained under Arthur and got inducted into being a real knight. It would be Lancelot's duty to swear fealty to you, your protection is his mission and his life. He would act under your orders and fight only under your name. His actions will bring either great honor to our name, or he would bring great shame depending on what he did…a reflection of our name, so to speak. Nobility are usually pretty picky when choosing their own knights, often going by the reputation their family holds, because knights often carry all the secrets of their masters. A solemn duty if you will, to uphold your safety above all else. Now, I don't know about you, but I personally wouldn't mind if you did have a trustworthy ally to watch your back whenever you leave these walls."

Gaius sat back on his heels as Merlin mused over everything he had just heard with his own two ears…his heart was picking up speed with his excitement. He was getting ahead of himself, he knew, since Lancelot would never accept the position as a Knight to Consort Merlin Pendragon, Lord of the Wyllt family. But this was fascinating information, something he really wished he had known of before he had gotten Lancelot tangled in lying about who he was. It would be so strange though…he wanted Lancelot to be his friend. Not to follow him like all those other knights Arthur had assigned to him did, trailing behind him like some kind of stalker. Or standing outside at all hours of the day, watching him as he left and returned. He could hardly imagine Lancelot getting down onto a knee just to swear fealty…to him. Merlin hardly even understood what it meant, but he knew that it was a very powerful oath that knights took. Sweating their lives and allegiance to, well…it had always been Arthur or Uther as far as he'd seen. To the Pendragon family and its best interests…Lancelot would probably just be wasting his time if this route ever came to fruition. It wasn't as if Merlin would be sending him off on dangerous missions that was supposed to protect their kingdom with its success. Lancelot's skills would be wasted as he tried to defend Merlin's sorry hide from nothing more than a bunch of bullies…

But there was still something about the idea that tickled at Merlin…

Having Lancelot by his side.

Talking to him like he used too….

But, Merlin thought solemnly, it wouldn't be the same as it had been. Merlin had already gone and betrayed his trust. Merlin had complete faith in Lancelot doing his duty and keeping him safe, he was too honorable to just turn away if he was in any real trouble, but they still wouldn't be friends. They wouldn't talk with the same ease that came with being friends with somebody for the whole of your entire life. Wouldn't be able to just hang out and nibble on some fruit and talk about normal, everyday things. Lancelot would only be there to fulfill his duty. He would be being 'paid' to live with Merlin's company, not allowed to show how upset he was with Merlin because Merlin would essentially become his 'boss.' It was such a huge difference in power, and Merlin wasn't sure if he was even ready for that much power. He still had trouble figuring out what the power he did have could do, yet alone adding another layer on top of that…the consort released a heavy sigh, and licked his incredibly dry lips.

"…Uther and Arthur really couldn't interfere in something like this? Not even with Lancelot being a commoner?"

That was really one of the larger issues that Merlin could see about this whole thing, the rest none-withstanding. Nothing that Gaius told him would actually change one damn thing, if Uther and Arthur had the power to jump right in and decide Lancelot wasn't 'good enough' to be his knight. When the truth of the matter was…Merlin was positive that it was HIM, who wasn't good enough to have a man like Lancelot protecting him. Lancelot was meant for much greater things than being tied down to a crummy, unwanted Consort, with self esteem issues and a forever mood changing Prince constantly on his tail. It wouldn't even be fair of Merlin to ASK Lancelot to settle for him. Though at least Merlin was more than willing to overlook his commoner heritage, something that the royal family was unwilling to do. Hell, Merlin would have probably decided to go with Lancelot if given the choice BECAUSE of his commoner heritage. With him being so far below the other knights, it would mean Lancelot had more to prove. Knew his knighthood could be taken away if he failed. And really, who knows what kind of talent Camelot have been missing out on with the stupidly strict rules…

"They can certainly try, but both Arthur and Uther know the rules as well as I know them. And they would know that it's foolish to try and take Lancelot out of your care. As a noble in your own right, you have every right to appoint the knights in your household. And it would cause a civil unrest, sending out a bad message to the other noble families if they did try and assert their power and stop it. Other noble families won't be keen on hearing even the king interfering in their own family affairs, they might think themselves next. Might think Uther is trying to plant spies in their households if Uther took to doing the choosing. They would start drawing back their support from the king. It would honestly be easier for you to keep Lancelot, then risk the fallout of what could happen if they don't." Gaius stated, matter of factly. "They can certainly try to convince you though, to change knights or go with one that has already been vetoed by them. There's nothing wrong with having a simple discussion, though I do feel as if this 'simple discussion' would greatly involve them trying to force you into seeing things their way. As long as you can hold strong and keep telling them no, they'll have to let the matter go eventually."

Merlin almost wanted to crackle with laughter, the insane kind that would have other people wondering if there was truly something wrong with him mentally…he could just imagine what Arthur's face would've looked like if he walked into the throne room one of these days with Lancelot trailing behind him. With the horror and the shock and the disdain…it would be delicious, especially after all the embarrassing ways that Arthur had behaved like out on the field. To have Arthur be the powerless one to change things for once. It would almost be worth Merlin embarrassing himself to ask Lancelot to consider this whole thing…no. Merlin was getting ahead of himself once again. Asking all of these questions wouldn't do much for his relationship with Lancelot. It was still fascinating information though, as useless as it was for him to actually use…he opened his mouth to start speaking, perhaps to thank his uncle for sharing this with him. But the rustling coming from the stairs silenced him.

Merlin turned around, and saw Lancelot making his way down the steps. The warrior was all clean now, scrubbed from head to toe until his skin shined like a new coin, not a trace of dirt or horse dung remaining. He had even washed his clothing, so he could wear the aged tunic and brown trousers. But the one thing that really caught Merlin's eyes, was the large bundle of fabric situated in his arm. Lancelot had stopped on the stairs when he saw them, almost like a deer in the firelight…with the silence stretching endlessly, it became far more obvious that they had been talking about Lancelot. Why else would they have shut up just as the man had walked into the room. And clearly, the warrior had realized this as well.

"I um…I thought that, if nobody minded, I would sleep down here tonight. I can find a place to curl up for the evening, and I'll be out of your hair when the sun comes back up." Lancelot stuttered, sounding unsure of himself as he saw the way Merlin was eyeing the extra blankets in his hands. But Merlin's heart went tight, seizing a little in his chest…what exactly did Lancelot mean by 'he would be out of their hair by morning? Did that mean Lancelot was going to leave for good once he had the night to think about where else he could stay? Or did it mean he would simply leave for the day and be back once the night had fallen, making himself as minuscule in their lives as he could possibly be. The warrior lowered his eyes down onto the floor, giving a weak half shrug as he continued on, "I…I don't think it's very proper for me to take the royal consort's bedding, or sleep in his room. A consort should have the proper amount of privacy, yes? I wouldn't want to impose on that…"

Merlin opened his mouth wordlessly…Lancelot wasn't looking at him again. He never seemed to be looking at him. As if he thought it would be…disgraceful to look a consort in the eyes and talk to him as if they were both human beings. It was very unsettling to Merlin, just another reminder that Lancelot…didn't seem to see him as 'Merlin' anymore. Not the clumsy kid that he happened to come across in a time of need and latched onto. No. Now he was 'Consort Merlin', so things were different now. They were ALWAYS different. And Merlin didn't have a single clue on how he could get them back to where they had once been…he missed having his new friend near. But when Merlin opened his mouth to plead for Lancelot to treat him as he normally would, beg him to forgive him and they could start over…Merlin would even let Lancelot have the bed for good if he'd just bloody well look at him again…he was cut off by Gaius putting a hand onto his shoulder. Merlin looked back at his uncle helplessly, but Gaius was already mitigating the situation and stopping Merlin from once again making a fool out of himself.

"I think that is in excellent idea. You know, I tried telling Merlin that having any guest in his room would look unfavorably. But this boy is as stubborn as they'll ever come. Once he gets something in his mind, it's hard to change it. But yes, I do believe that would be the best solution now that our situation has cleared up." Said the aged physician, clasping Merlin once on the shoulder, giving him a little squeeze of comfort even as he addressed Lancelot. Merlin was able to read in between the lines, and for the first time in front of his uncle, closed his mouth obediently. His throat felt extremely thick, as if he had somehow gotten something lodged up there, but he also knew he didn't want to make Lancelot anymore uncomfortable than he already clearly was. What was he supposed to do? Throw an epic tantrum like Arthur does, and insist Lancelot sleep exactly where he had slept last time? Neither of them would be getting any sleep if he did that. If the tension in the room was this strong, then Merlin could've hardly imagined the endless hours of staring up at the ceiling that awaited him, and hearing Lancelot breathing on the other side of the room. Probably doing the exact same thing as him. Staring at the ceiling…no words shared between the other…waiting for the hours to tick by until the sun finally rose high up into the sky… "Here, Lancelot. Why don't I get you set up next to the hearth. It's going to be the warmest place down here, so you won't have to worry about freezing to death in your sleep."

Gaius squeezed Merlin's shoulder one last time, before walking over to grab at the blanket Lancelot was holding, before leading him to 'the warmest spot in the whole chambers' which basically amounted to the hardest space of floor in the entire chambers. Lancelot was going to be in for a very rough night trying to sleep on the hard wood, but the warrior still looked relieved and grateful to have anyplace to rest his weary head, ignoring Merlin and his silent, desperate attempts to catch his eye. But eventually, Merlin had to admit defeat…Lancelot was really not going to look at him. Merlin was nothing more than a stray piece of furniture, unnoticeable while it gathered dust in a corner of the room. And his throat convulsed again as Merlin struggled to rein in his emotions. Perhaps all this was for the best, Merlin thought in a poor attempt at making himself feel better. Lancelot deserved better than to find himself caught in the troubles he always seemed to find. Lancelot deserved to become a Knight of Camelot, and not just a Knight of a smaller noble family. Lancelot actually deserved a lot of things, but the only thing Merlin could really give him…was his space.

So, Consort Merlin Pendragon did something he was used to.

He silent retreated up the stairs and back to his bed.

Somehow feeling lonelier than he had in a long time.