A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

200. Chapter 202

This chapter is dedicated to dorotka_6726, who wanted Merlin to tell Arthur that kissing him the way he did in episode four was basically the same thing that Valiant tried to do to him. Definitely gonna be cool to see how Arthur will react to being seen so similar to a man like Valiant, so I hope they enjoy how it was included ;p

X

Arthur Pendragon could honestly say he was… completely drained. To the very point of no return. He was so exhausted that he was amazed he had even able to get out of his bed this morning, and he knew he probably looked like a right mess standing here in front of Merlin like he was. He hadn't bothered waiting around for a servant to help prepare him for the day, so he was sure his pants did not match his shirt. And his blonde hair felt as if it was sticking up all over his head, tousled in such a state of disarray that he was surprised people did not run away from him screaming. But the bags… oh god, the bags underneath his eyes made him feel as if he could curl onto the ground in this fetal position and not even care about who comes across him. This was the kind of tired that no goodnight rest would have been able to cure, the kind of tired that not even a month's vacation away from his problems and worries could have cured him of it. No… this was a tired that resounded deep within his bones, an ache that echoed inside of him so loudly that it caused the entire world to be seen with shades of grey. Nothing was going to be alright, nothing was going to end up fixed, so… what was even the point of him getting out of bed at all?

It had taken Arthur everything he had the night before, when he had spent his time throwing up his stomach contents all over his father's pristine balcony, to return to his bed. He had been ashen, his face lined with worry and fear about what his father would plan to do next, now that he was entangling Merlin in the political games for power that he liked to play. What kind of pedestal would his father set up for Merlin to stand on, while also preparing to knock him off with one fell swoop the second Merlin's reputation took another hit. What would his consort be expected to face… his father did love placing tests and challenges in front of people to see if they could get themselves out of the quicksand that they found themselves in. One wrong move, and his father would be standing in the clear, while his opponent was sinking down beneath this intense weight of dirt threatening to bury them whole. Arthur knew the struggles that always came with being tested… it used to be Arthur that his father would put on the spot like that. Pushing him further than the human mind should be allowed to endure, just to test what kind of choices Arthur would have made if he was the king in Uther's place.

But at least Arthur understood why his father did all of those things to him in his formative years—and sometimes still did, if a particularly unique situation came to their attention. But that kind of intense focus was never something he would want Merlin to be subjected to. Merlin was strong though, so it was very likely that he could have came out on top, considering how quickly he's able to grasp new facts and turn them into something he could take advantage of. He could probably do even better than Arthur felt like he had, in the end. But that was the thing… Merlin shouldn't have to put up with being tested by whatever his father could come up with! Not after everything he's already helped them with… like that treaty with Bayard! It never would have been savaged if Merlin hadn't been the one to step in and talk to him for them. But Arthur believed he knew his father well enough to know Uther would only see that as only a single good mark on Merlin's record in his eyes. His father probably wouldn't relax a bit until Merlin had at least… twenty five!… similar successes beneath his belt.

Arthur should be able to shield Merlin from that kind of onslaught though… he knew he should have been able to shield Merlin from being drawn into what his father decided to do. But… what could Arthur do against his father? It isn't like Arthur could put his father to trial because he… was showing interference in a royal marriage, or some kind of hogwash like that. His father was always going to do whatever he damn well felt like, needless on what Arthur thought toward the subject. These were the kind of awful thoughts that haunted him the entire way to his chambers, beating around inside his mind as if there was a solution in there somewhere that Arthur just couldn't find! Something that would keep his father distracted, until he forgot about whatever plans he was crafting with Merlin in mind.

If only that had been his only problem…

Once Arthur had stripped and tossed himself down onto the bed, he had spent who knows how long just tossing and turning, unable to drift away to the world of dreams where—hopefully—everything wouldn't be as horrible as his life was at the moment. But how many people were forced to sleep with the evidence of their sins sitting right beneath their bed… the collar and chains Arthur had once bought with every intention of using it on Merlin. Arthur liked to think he had forgotten it was even there, but now that the creature was gone and their kingdom could move onto other things… it was another object that returned to haunt him forevermore. He had felt like it was laughing at him, trying to taunt him with how epically he had screwed up with Merlin, showing off about how much of a failure he was. He had tossed and turned one way and then another, where relief was nowhere in sight. Nowhere was safe from the horrifying and nauseating images that were produced from his own mind… Merlin crying and shrieking as he clawed at the collar strapped firmly around his throat. Merlin—beautiful and merciful Merlin—in a broken heap beneath Arthur's foot, his arms tugged so tightly behind his back by the chains that his shoulders were left to strain in an unnatural position.

"This obsession thing you've got going on with me is getting out of hand!"

Arthur blinked, his horrid fantasies that caused his stomach to church as if he was going to blow all over again, faded from his mind as Merlin swum into his view once again. Beautiful and powerful Merlin, standing right there in front of him on this dirt road, his hands on his hips as he scowled deeply at the prince. Arthur's entire heart lurched at just the sight of that glare, reduced to all but a puddle right in front of the consort. God, did Merlin have any inkling of a clue as to what he could do to Arthur? Did Merlin have any inkling of a clue, that a single word from him, could shatter the very fragile form that was Arthur. The prince had never felt so fragile in his entire life, as if a single glance from that boy would have been enough to shatter him like glass. Arthur's mouth felt so dry, as if it would never be wet again, as the consort continued on with a tirade that was oh, so very deserving.

"I mean, are you really so obsessed with my whereabouts and what I am doing with my time that you have literally reduced yourself to this? Skulking around in the shadows, so that you can… what? Catch me going on a date with some other guy or something? Are you going to start accusing me of that again? But I will just have to break the news to you. I was only saying goodbye to Lancelot since he's leaving today!" Merlin barked at him, his hands on each hip curling into fists as if he was gearing up for something to happen, but Arthur found he had trouble just lifting up his head. He didn't have the energy to start anything up, even if he wanted to… just to see the redness in Merlin's face that brought out the blue in his eyes. "Or am I not allowed to even tell the man goodbye on his way out of town? Considering YOU were the one fighting for him to get his place among the knights back, I would've thought even YOU would think it was a good idea. Since that man IS the only reason you are still standing here, and not being digested in that griffin's belly right about now."

Arthur stared at Merlin for a moment longer, each word making his heart feel as if a dagger was twisting in it again and again and again. Each word washing over him like a stain that wouldn't wash off. It wasn't all that long ago, that he WOULD have been skulking around in alley's trying to keep watch on the other boy without him finding out. It had never actually came to that, thankfully, but it was something Arthur very well could've done. He wouldn't have considered it was wrong at the time, would have seen Merlin as nothing more than one of his possessions that needed to be watched to make sure it didn't get out of its proper place. But Arthur honestly hadn't been skulking around this time, it was just coincidence that this was what Merlin happened to see of him. Arthur had simply wanted to see Lancelot off for himself… didn't be at least owe the man that much considering how much grief he had put him through in this last few days? How was Arthur supposed to know Merlin had beat him here… perhaps he should have seen it coming. Why WOULDN'T Merlin be here, wishing that man off on whatever journey he was going to overtake now.

"I… I didn't mean to… I wasn't trying to… to watch you or anything. I just came here, and… you can keep your secrets. The only thing I saw was him… was him kissing your hand. So I wasn't here for long, I mean, you don't have to worry if I saw something you would rather keep private." Arthur stuttered as if he was a damn fool, finding it hard to get his thoughts into order. And when Merlin lifted an eyebrow up at him, it only made him wish the ground could beneath his feet and swallow his whole to escape Merlin's penetrating gaze. He kept seeing the easy way Merlin had stood when he was in front of Lancelot, the easy way that he handed over his hand for the former knight to take. Merlin would most likely never relax in Arthur's presence like that. Would never be able to stand nearby without giving Arthur shifting and accusing looks, as if waiting for the prince to jump him… again. Arthur swallowed past the lump in his throat, before looking away so he could focus on the gates where Lancelot had already disappeared through. "And you are right, I mean… Lancelot is a great guy. Better than I had thought he was originally. I mean… I am standing here. And I owe him my life in that way. But… I also owe you my life as well, don't I?"

Somewhere in the corner of his eye, Arthur could see Merlin going stiff as his words, panic creeping somewhere in his expression that had the blond wanting to question why Merlin would panic over such a thing. Sure, Lancelot had gone and saved his life the night the griffin attacked, but Merlin had gotten involved in far more than that. Long before Lancelot had ever shown his face around his city. And if Lancelot deserved respect for saving Arthur's life, then did his little consort not deserve the same kind of respect? Arthur wanted to bundle up the entire world and hand it to Merlin in order to thank him for doing anything after Arthur had became so undeserving of even a measure of his attention. It would have been so easy for Arthur to give Merlin any material possession he wanted to own, but… Arthur had already accepted that gifts thrown at Merlin wouldn't be the way to go. Arthur's throat convulsed, the lump in his throat making him struggle to speak, though he forced the words out in a croaky tone that clearly betrayed his anxiousness as he reverted his gaze back to his sweet angel.

"I mean, you saved my life when you drunk that poisoned cup to stop me from drinking it, even if you had… alternative reasons for doing it. And honestly, I do believe that even more impressive considering everyone was watching, clearly against what you were doing, and trying to prove you wrong. I suppose it does take a… special person to do something like that for somebody that they have every reason to hate." If Arthur wasn't staring as hard as he had been at Merlin then he probably would have missed how his consort relaxed a fraction when he heard what Arthur was saying. It was taking everything Arthur had to stop himself from falling onto his knees and wrapping his arms around Merlin's legs and beg him to give Arthur a second—or fiftieth—chance, and here Merlin was standing as if he had been expecting something else. The old Arthur, who had a vicious word at the ready and even more vicious temper ready to release on the unsuspecting man in front of him, would have demanded to know what the consort had been thinking. What had he thought Arthur was going to say that immediately had his guard raised up, but the new Arthur, the one who wanted to do everything right even if it left Arthur scraped raw on the inside, forced all his demanding questions back down his throat. He didn't have any right to ask Merlin questions, and he wasn't worthy enough to deserve an insight into that beautiful brain Merlin kept hidden away beneath his skull. "There wasn't much I could do for your… for Lancelot. And I regret that I wasn't able to do anything more considering the great debt I owe him now. But, the least I'm able to do is …thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me since you came into the city. Thank you for saving my life that night. Thank you for… standing here and not storming off the second I showed up."

Arthur cut himself off abruptly, feeling his stomach as it twisted sharply and a rush of heat burned on the back of his neck with his embarrassment. It felt as if Arthur was lying it all out there, throwing his soul across the ground in front of Merlin and hoping he wouldn't kick it aside in disgust. Which seemed as if it was very likely, when Merlin's eyes grew wide and rounded, looking at him as if he was some experiment in a jar that needed to be dissected in order to figure out how it worked. Arthur sunk into himself, hunching his shoulders closer up to his ears as if he was wilting as trying to shrink himself all the way down to nothing in front of Merlin's eyes. It was only then that it started to occur to the prince that this was probably the first time he had ever THANKED Merlin for all that he had done for him. Yes, Arthur had worn himself out begging for the boy to give him his forgiveness, and had spilled so many sorry's that it felt as if his lips could bleed from the amount, and had attempted so many crazy stunts to prove to Merlin that he could be different. But had he ever… thanked Merlin for all the sacrifices he had given for Arthur? Arthur didn't thank he had, but now that he had… it made Arthur want to drop down to his knees. He wanted to be able to wrap his arms around Merlin's stomach and bury his face into Merlin's belly, breathing in the scent that haunted him in his dreams, while whispering a thousand thank you's against his tunic.

"Well… maybe I'm still waiting to see how far you are going to push this little charade of yours. I mean, this whole… pitiful act… doesn't really become you at all. You must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel if you are going out of your way to… to thank me. I didn't even know you were self aware enough of anything to realize you SHOULD be thanking me." Merlin snapped back, giving Arthur a vicious sneer that was all teeth but looked completely out of place on his face. Arthur wilted even more than he already had been as he realized how much that sneer probably looked more fitted on Arthur. Because Arthur's worn that very same expression more times than he could count, and had directed it at Merlin even more than that. "Hell, since you are stooping so low by thanking me, maybe that means I'll see the old Arthur again soon, won't I? Now that this whole act of yours is probably starting to wane on you, maybe I'm only being morbidly curious to be proven right by watching you throw a gasket. I mean, it was MY hand that Lancelot just kissed, as if we were a couple that did things like that. You threw such a huge fit when you thought Lancelot and I went out on dates and such, but kissing my hand is somehow drawing less of a reaction from you?"

Merlin was taunting him, Arthur knew, as he watched the other boy thrusting his hand up as if trying to wave the flesh in front of the prince's face. Showing off the kiss that was probably still lingering on Merlin's skin, the touch able to be felt and left unforgotten even as the minutes passed them by. Arthur could not deny the flicker in his stomach, the heated anger that made him wish that he could snatch that hand from the air and do something drastic to make the consort forget about Lancelot's touch. Something like… licking the pale flesh and weaving his tongue between each and every one of Merlin's fingers, until the consort's face was redder than the setting sun. Something that his sweet and innocent Merlin would never forget for the rest of his days, and completely erasing whatever Lancelot had left behind on him. But… Arthur held that urge inside of him, clamping down on it with the same strength a lid clamped onto a jar with. Merlin had accused him, as he always did, of behaving the way he has been because he only wanted to trick him. And Arthur refused to give his little consort anything to make him believe those accusations were true.

"My relationship with Lancelot, I admit, has been off-setting ever since the day I met him when he first approached me on the training fields. I was running off of… misinformation about the nature of the relationship he had with you. But I conclude that this was sorely my own fault, and the blame lies with neither you or Lancelot." Arthur spoke with a slow and considering tone, casting his gaze down to the ground at the dirt between them when he couldn't take the glare Merlin was giving him any longer. He knew how stupid he had back, believing rumors about Merlin's infidelity instead of his own consort, who had never lied to him in all his time here in the city. He had allowed that rumor to fester inside of him until it latched onto him like a bloodthirsty leach that wouldn't relent or give him release. How amazing it was, to have had his entire view changed in a matter of days, but it wasn't the first time Arthur had been proven to be some colossal idiot in recent times. "Considering the pain I've caused you with all of my recent actions, I'm trying this new thing where I don't immediately try and attack men who look at you. And considering Lancelot's recent actions which led to the safety of the kingdom, I suppose… a kiss on the hand isn't the worse way he could've said goodbye. Did I… did I do good by now confronting him for it?"

Arthur's voice had turned meek and cowardly, as he glanced up to the consort through his actions, pleading with his eyes for Merlin to tell him he had finally did something right. It would have been easy for Arthur to jump out when the former knight had placed his mouth against the innocence of Merlin's lily white skin, to start up another fight with him right there on this dusty road. But they were different now, all three of them were different. Changed and shifted from how they were just the week before, because of the experience they had lived through this past week. Lancelot wasn't a mastermind trying to woo away the prince's consort, seeking to use their brittle relationship as a means of staking a claim over Merlin. And Merlin really was the delicate flower Arthur originally thought him to be, blinded towards the real advances men could cast towards him. But unlike most flowers, Merlin was able to grow and thrive with even the harshest of conditions, proving he was strong enough to whither any storm the prince had thrown at him. And as for Arthur, well… he just wanted to have the consort's approval for once. In that moment, he didn't care if Merlin wanted to have him laid out on the ground so that the consort could place his foot on his head, pressing down until Arthur's face was crushing into the hardened road beneath them. As long as Merlin spared him some kind of attention, even if it was the wrong kind of attention, Arthur would have been grateful for it. He was at the point where even a simple glance of acknowledgment would leave him feeling blessed.

"One moment where you don't interject yourself in a private goodbye between my friend and I doesn't mean shit. You shouldn't have even been watching us in the first place. You should have turned around and walked all the way back to your fancy castle the second you saw we were already there together." The consort said viciously, bringing his hands up to rest on his hips in a way that's always managed to distract Arthur, because the hips of men really should not be allowed to be that slim. But it didn't have the same effect this time, as the prince wilted where he stood under Merlin's glare, looking almost like a kicked puppy. It seemed, now that Merlin was no longer distracted with things like the trial, he could put his entire focus back onto hating Arthur for everything that he was worth. And the prince simply stood there, baring the brunt of every one of those deserved insults and sneers. "And since I'm the one that has been the one standing behind Lancelot since the day he arrived here, I am positive that my goodbye meant far more to him than yours did. You should've been smart enough to see his worth long before he risked his own life to save yours. But on that note, I can almost guarantee that the next man who so much as looks as me in curiosity is going to face your wrath. Do you know why? Because the next man probably isn't going to be exempt from your wrath because they are

able to save the kingdom from ruin. I mean, how many times will this kingdom end up attacked by a magical flying creature, am I right?"

This was the part where Arthur usually would have corrected Merlin, to explain to him that he was wrong about this. Lancelot wasn't 'exempt' from facing the prince's wrath just because he happened to be this key figure in getting rid of the kingdoms… peat problem. He was only exempt from Arthur's wrath simply because he was such a… bloody nice guy! Oh, Arthur wanted to have him for a great many things, though the only reason he could think of right now was that kiss he had given Merlin's hand. But Lancelot was saved from feeling the force of Arthur's fury because Arthur already knew the former knight didn't have any romantic or sexual feelings towards Merlin. That had already been a clear fact that the two of them had established between themselves at some point. But it still left Arthur uneasy and jealous because he would have never been able to get away with doing something crazy like kissing Merlin's hand without getting a sound slap for attempting to 'even the playing field' with Lancelot. If the man had ended up with feelings for Merlin, then perhaps Arthur would've reacted a bit more strongly than he was. Or maybe he wouldn't have, because he didn't want Merlin to see him as nothing more than an animal who wasn't able to gain control of himself.

Besides… Merlin deserved to have a friend that didn't have any ties to Arthur or the city. And who was Arthur to deny Merlin having something as basic as a friend who would put him first, which was something Arthur had failed doing himself. But apparently he had taken too long answering Merlin, because the prince watched with a dejected expression when the consort turned around on his heel and started walking back towards the more populated area that came with being in the lower town. Arthur lowered his head down more, and followed the consort, staying a few paces behind the other boy as they made their way back towards the castle. Perhaps Arthur should just leave Merlin be, since the consort was always craving space away from him, but… this was the only way to get back into the main area of the city. Arthur had no choice but to walk just behind Merlin on the trail back home, keeping in his shadows while just hoping the sun that was Merlin would direct his light in his direction.

But the longer they walked, the more the silence was starting to wane on the prince. He was so used to Merlin filling in the quiet moments, so used to the other boy taking charge and moving the conversation in whichever direction he wanted it to go in. But now… there was just silence echoing around them, as if there was a void there that not even the sounds of other people could have filled up. Merlin stayed silent though, his non-chattering leaving this space in the prince empty and desperate to be filled. He didn't even care if Merlin just wanted to scream at him some more, didn't care if the consort drew attention to them in a way that would've been embarrassing for any noble to be part of. He just wanted… he just wanted to have Merlin speak. To hear his voice before they reached the castle and went their separate ways. Maybe Arthur was being a selfish fool, because what right did he have to listen to Merlin's beautiful and sweet voice when he has only caused the other boy strive and misery. Arthur's lips were dry, and he liked at then as he drew his gaze away from the consort's dark locks of hair he had been staring at, before cautiously approaching one of the topics most likely to get Merlin's attention.

"So… I know that I have accepted that you and Lancelot are only friends, and there is never going to be anything between the two of you. What, with him all over Gwen and you… not being with him. But was there ever a time where you might've… wanted to be more with him?" Arthur waited with bated breath as he watched the line of Merlin's shoulders grow stiff, though the consort didn't answer him either. Arthur felt his heart lurching up into his throat, as his panic started clawing at him, desperate for Arthur to get himself out of the mess he had just caused. He didn't want Merlin to think he was about to jump down his throat for something like this… if Merlin had wanted somebody like Lancelot to be his, then that was sorely Arthur's fault. For being the one lacking what the consort needed to be happy with their marriage. Or content, at the very least. "I don't mean anything by that! Please, you must understand that I wouldn't try and blame you if you did feel for the man. You spent many days in his company and so I'm sure the two of you were able to get to know each other quite well, probably more than you or I know each other actually. But, I mean to say… that Lancelot is a really… nice fella. And he always seems to hear what you say, and doesn't overstep the boundaries you have. He's… he has been nice to you in a way I've never been. He's quite good with a sword, and has many prospects he could follow up with outside of Camelot. And, I suppose… if you are into guys like him… he isn't entirely horrible to look at."

Arthur felt as if he was a stupid fool, the longer he rambled on without Merlin saying a word to him about the stupidity that was his choice in topic. Arthur's always shied away from this type of talk! He wasn't the type of guy that threw out comments about how he thought another man looked, or how… attractive he might seem to other people who were interested. But… if that was what the consort liked, then he wanted to know, he thought as he subconsciously ran a hand threw his mess of blonde locks as he compared them to how Lancelot's dark hair fell around his shoulders. He supposed, now that he was thinking of it, he had seen the way other people—women, mostly—had been looking at the former knight when he was seen as the next up and coming knight to take over the field. But had he ever actually seen Merlin look at Lancelot in similar ways? For real, and not just all those times he had imagined Merlin looking at him as if he was undressing the former warrior with his eyes, back when he had been convinced Merlin wasn't as innocent as he seemed. And… well… Merlin already confessed to Arthur once that he wished Lancelot had been the husband he'd been landed with. Back when he was a drunken mess and Arthur had needed to carry him to his rooms to prevent him from breaking his very neck by falling down the stairs or something as equally dumb. But… would the same truth be said out-loud now that Merlin was sober? Would he admit to Arthur the secrets resting inside his heart now that he wasn't blinded and fueled by all the sheer amount of alcohol he had consumed that night.

"Why are you even asking me a question like that, Arthur?! Does that sound to you like a question you should be asking me, of all people! It's not as if you are actually wanting to know! You simply want to know if you need to be watching for the next man to show up, which might I point out, probably won't actually be happening! I'm not nearly as popular with the men as you have seemed to think in the past." Merlin finally snapped at him over his shoulder, picking up the pace a little bit more as if he couldn't wait to get as far away from Arthur and his excessive questioning. It was plain for Arthur to see… oh, how different their tables had turned. It had once been Arthur leading the charge, doing all he could to get rid of Merlin until the next time he needed him. Was this what Merlin had felt all the times Arthur had rushed through something, trying his damn hardest to grr rid of him as fast as he could. "Besides, in case you don't know this, or are too dumb to realize it, there has only ever been one man I've tried to get with in my entire life. And I learned my lesson the hard way… I am NEVER going to fall for a straight guy again, which Lancelot most certainly is one of."

It took probably the length of a heartbeat before Arthur realized who his little consort was talking about, and it felt as if a blood vessel had just broken apart in Arthur's head, because of how fast the blood was rushing to his head. It was so fast, that it caused Arthur to stumble a little over his own feet, a brief dizzy spell hitting him as those words washed through him. HIM. Merlin was talking about him. He was the straight guy that Merlin had fallen for, and he was also the same straight man that had soured Merlin on the topic. That was supposed to be a good thing, it meant Merlin wouldn't have a wondering eye on the very good chance that the next man who caught his attention also happened to be straight. But it only made Arthur feel crummy… Merlin had been so innocent on matters like this when he had first around in the kingdom. He had been so very hopeful, ready to jump head first into even a toxic relationship with Arthur just because it was a relationship. And Arthur had been the one to make the other boy think… that all straight men would treat Merlin the same as Arthur had the second he tried getting their attention. It was smart for his consort to not fall for any man who wouldn't be able to feel the same for him, but… Arthur did not want Merlin to lose that spark that had once been in his eyes. That little piece inside of his consort that sought out romance and flowers and all that girly shit Arthur had never thought twice of before. Hell, Merlin DESERVED to have all of that girly shit showered on top of him, and he deserved somebody who would be willing to do it for him. Not somebody like Arthur, who had spent months of his life petrified that somebody would see him talking to Merlin and think that he was gay, despite *gasp* already being married to him.

"You… you didn't actually answer my question. You just started talking about not… not letting yourself fall for somebody who can't feel the same. But say it was possible for Lancelot to feel things like that for you, would you ever take him up on it if he offered?" Arthur asked, his gaze searching and wondering as he gazed upon Merlin's back in front of him. Wondering if he should tell Merlin how WRONG he was. Merlin absolutely WAS popular with the men. Or, at least he would be, if Arthur hadn't spent this entire week causing holy terror in each and every man that so much as LOOKED at Merlin sideways. But besides that, Merlin just had so many good qualities that somebody should seek when they were looking for a long term partner. He was strong willed, which meant Merlin could stand on his own two feet without relying on somebody else to get him through the day. He was brave, able to look danger in the face without running away in fear… a good quality to have if one was a knight, but Arthur wished the consort had some self-preservation. But… he was also so smart, able to notice things that Arthur had overlooked before. He could be so sweet whenever he's wanting to be, flashing smiles and cheeky, playful grins… to anybody that was not Arthur. He was talkative, which meant there would never be these awkward silences that drained the energy from the room. He looked after others when the situation called for it, and even had his own goals in life that were separate from Arthur's, considering how much focus he was putting into learning things from Gaius. And all of that came in a… not horrible looking package. And he is pretty sure the only thing Merlin asked for was… "Would you have wanted him to woo you? I mean, surely you must have thought about it. What it would have been like if he sent you presents or gifts? What it would be like if he wanted to invite you out to a more… date-like activity? What it would be like if he did take a fancy with you… if he brought you flowers to make his intentions clear?"

These were the kinds of questions that should have been absolutely none of Arthur's business, because honestly? What right did Arthur have to ask Merlin any questions about what he might like to have somebody he was interested in do something for him. He wanted with bated breath, something deep inside of his chest felt like it was trying to kill him the longer it took for Merlin to give an answer… any answer. The suggestions Arthur had thrown out there all sounded as if they were something Lancelot would've had no problem with doing simply because it would have made Merlin smile to see them done. Hell, Arthur's even done everything on the list of suggestions he had laid out for Merlin, though it would probably feel different… if it came from somebody Merlin thought was a special person in his life. Arthur's given Merlin plenty of gifts, though they had all been turned down or tossed aside, because Arthur had always felt like he's been obligated to give them to him, for one reason or another. Arthur's taken Merlin out on a date throughout the marketplace, though it wasn't his greatest work… Arthur had been more interested in getting him alone so they could talk about their problems, instead of being focused on the actual activities that the consort might've wanted to check out. And the flowed… Arthur had given him flowers… just the once, when he had first woken up from the poison that ha'd drunken. Merlin had told Arthur he had ruined being given flowers for him, and threw them back in his face… all rightfully deserved. But if Lancelot, or any the consort expressed an interest in, were given a chance to do these things with Merlin… would they take it? Would Merlin allow somebody else to do it?

"What do you want me to say to you, Arthur?! Do you want me to fall into one of your little tricks and admit that I might have entertained the thought for one brief moment? Do you want me to admit what I was thinking whenever he first showed up in my life? Admit that I had a few fantasies that may have included Lancelot being the romantic person that I will never get to have with you being so intent on looming over my shoulder!" Merlin exclaimed loudly, and when he spun around to face the prince in one clipped motion, the prince could see just how livid Merlin was for Arthur asking him these things. Arthur's heart lurched all over again, pain washing through him as they both stalled on that dirt road in the middle of the street. "But I'm not going to fall for any of your tricks! You just want me to admit I want something to give you a reason to chase after him and bring him back here in chains or something when he's already managed to get free from the lot of you! If I fantasized, for even a brief moment, that he'd be the one who could throw me on the back of a horse and carry me far away from your lands, well then. That is nobody's business but my own!"

By the time Merlin was done yelling at him, the consort's face had started to go red with his anger, making the blue of his eyes stand out like endless pools of a storming ocean. But Arthur felt as if he was going to be sick all over again by Merlin's words… fantasies. Merlin had once harbored fantasies for Lancelot, much like Arthur has had fantasies about Merlin. Except… Arthur's own horrid fantasies had always been his fucked up way to assert dominance over Merlin, marking and branding the younger boy as his own plaything. Except for… well, except for that dream Arthur had about Merlin a few nights ago. Where Arthur had been on top of Merlin, not knowing who he was but uncaring about such minor details, because his only concern had been giving the person in his bed everything that he wanted. Hushing him softly when he would start to whine if he thought Arthur was going to go away, pressing kisses into all his sensitive areas to encourage his lust and attention, breathing in the scent clinging onto his skin as if it would go away if Arthur didn't worship him like he should be.

Did Merlin also have fantasies such as that…

But, Merlin couldn't have had those fantasies. Because his Merlin was always going to be sweetness incarnated, sent down from the heavens to chase away the demons living within Arthur's soul. His Merlin didn't think about dirty, awful things like Arthur has. His Merlin doesn't even know that such things can even be done. He's pure, and good, and everything innocence that the world loved to chase away. So, that had to mean that any kind of fantasies Merlin could've possibly had… also had to be sweet and innocent in nature. Did he imagine the way Lancelot, if the man had been interested in other men, would have leaned in and pressed soft kisses against his trembling lips? So different from the way Arthur had once shoved his tongue down the boy's throat to prove he was into men, and not women like Guinevere. Did Merlin imagine Lancelot being the one to walk him throughout the marketplace, showing him all the stands set up, as if he was a native who knew the outline of the market district like the back of his hand like Arthur did. Did Merlin imagine Lancelot reaching over and taking his hand in mid-conversation, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to have their fingers intwining together, when Arthur felt dizzy at just the mere thought of doing the same. Did Merlin imagine himself stopping at one of the stands to look at their wares, only to turn around and see Lancelot holding out a single flower he had plucked from the ground because he thought Merlin might enjoy having it… perhaps it even would have been a wildflower. Which, according to the information Arthur had gotten from Morgana that one time, also happened to be Merlin's favorite type of flower.

"…You would have gone with him then, if he made you the offer?"

Arthur's voice was so quiet and sure, that he wasn't even sure he had spoken it in the first place. But he watched as Merlin's redness turned darker, the way he opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he was debating on what he should tell the prince next. But it didn't matter what Merlin told him, not really, if the prince was to be honest. He already knew what the answer would have been. Why would Merlin bother staying here in Camelot if he had options to do other things? Sure, Merlin had people like his uncle and Gwen and Morgana as reasons to stick around. But Arthur didn't know if the bonds Merlin had toward them would have been enough to stop him from running at the first chance he had been given. Not when Arthur was still hanging around the castle, lurking in the shadows just as Merlin had said earlier, giving the consort added incentive to abandon ship while nobody else had been looking. Arthur almost felt like he was disappointed, the glutton for punishment he was, when Merlin swallowed down whatever had been brimming on the edge of his tone. He actually liked it when Merlin spoke his mind, giving Arthur a better insight as to what went on in his head.

"Well, I cannot help that Lancelot makes for better husband material that you yourself have ever shown me. If I wished, for even a second, to go with him if it was even a possibility my interest would have been returned, then that would have been entirely on you, Arthur Pendragon. For showing me time and time again that I have absolutely no worth in your kingdom, or in your eyes." spoke the consort viciously, throwing a hand up into the air as if he was about to jab Arthur harshly in the chest with each word he spoke, though he never actually made contact. But Arthur squeezed his eyes shut anyway, his hands on either side of him shaking from how tightly he was squeezing them into fists. Words clawed desperately at his throat, wanting him to scream and tell Merlin about each and every time Merlin had proven him wrong. To go into an insane level of detail just describing all the times Merlin had proved he was more worthy to be part of this kingdom then… even Arthur himself was. But he felt as if he was choking, the words clogging up his esophagus while allowing none to escape in the face of Merlin's ire. "But all of that is a moot point to begin with. There is no me and Lancelot, and there never will be. I will stay here and play at being your consort because that is where I am expected to be. And considering I do know for a fact that you would chase me down to the ends of the world just to drag me back here if I ever tried to leave you, you can rest easy knowing I find it pointless when I already know what will happen. So, you can spend the next fifty odd years of our lives obsessing over me like you always do."

Merlin looked so sure of himself, as if he knew without a single doubt that the prince would chase him down if he really did try and make his escape one of these days. And… he wasn't wrong. Yes, Merlin should be free to make what choices he wanted to make, and he should be free to come and go whenever he liked, and Arthur should allow him to make these decisions. Because Merlin should be like the bird he was named after, able to fly high across the clouds and over the mountains as far as the eye could see. But Arthur's possessive nature was like a weighted stone setting itself between them, crushing each of Merlin's wings until they were clipped and tattered, leaving the scarred bird to stay where he was. Being obsessed with Merlin wasn't a bad thing, the prince didn't think he would ever get tired of looking at Merlin and learning all manner of new things about him, even if those things hurt the same as being punched in the gut. But his obsession came with a costly price, and it came at the price of Merlin's freedom. Arthur's hands were tied, since it was Uther's ruling and the contract of their marriage that kept Merlin bound here, but Arthur was not free of responsibility for Merlin's situation. Arthur would need to forget about his more possessive traits, bury them down deep, if he ever wanted to see the consort take flight in whatever way he could.

But Arthur was weak, and didn't know if such a thing was possible.

All Arthur could do was lower his head meekly, knowing Merlin spoke nothing more than what was true. But when the consort scoffed at him as if he was in disgust at the prince's actions, and turned away from him to start walking back towards the castle, the prince's head snapped back up. His eyes going wild as Merlin started getting further and further away from him. Arthur wanted—no, it wasn't that—Arthur NEEDED to do something that would stop the consort from walking away from him angry. Lancelot was able to do this all the time, he was able to walk away from Merlin with the consort grinning happily. Arthur had to be able to do the same, or at least find a way to stop Merlin from storming off in a huff of anger everytime they spoke.

"Wa-wait, Merlin. I…" Arthur stuttered helplessly, but when Merlin didn't stop his fast stride further down the road, the prince was quick to follow after him. He had to jog in order to keep up with Merlin's pace, because it felt like Merlin was trying to run away from him without actually running at this point. His dark haired consort kept his gaze firmly ahead of him, trying to act as if the prince wasn't sticking to his side as if he was a magnet pulling Arthur in every time he tried to let the boy go. "Things don't need to be like this. I mean, I know I don't want to spend the next fifty odd years of our life running away from each other as we are now. Something like that is probably going to end up with one of us being killed if we don't get a handle over things. Maybe… we can start trying to do things together, properly, I mean. And I don't mean the kind of stuff that my father orders us to do to make the people happy. I mean other things, that will not include banquets or parties or feasts that require both of us to be there in attendance. I mean we could set aside some personal time for each other, and do some kind of… activity… together, perhaps? Get to know each other in ways that won't be bogged down by the past or our royal obligations? Come up with some kind of agreement or truce…"

Arthur had to jolt to a stop, nearly tripping over his own feet as if he was some kind of damn fool after Merlin pulled to a sudden stop right there in the middle of the street once again. And when Arthur looked back, he was met with Merlin giving him the most incredulous expression any man had ever given the Prince a day in his life. As if Arthur had said something so stupid, that he didn't even realize it was stupid. But running through the words he had just spoken in his mind, Arthur could feel the heat starting to return to his face. Was it really so wrong of Arthur to want to take a seat somewhere in private, with just Merlin to occupy him, so that they could speak plainly without allowing anger to get the best of them both. Was it really so wrong that Arthur had suggested they do an… activity… together? It sounded so juvenile though, when he played the thought back in his mind. He sounded like a bloody twelve year old girl trying to ask out her first crush. ALL ARTHUR WANTED TO DO WAS TAKE A BLOODY HORSE RIDE THROUGH THE GRASSY RIDING FIELDS WITH MERLIN WITHOUT IT BEING SEEN AS STRANGE! WAS THAT REALLY SO WRONG! IT WOULD BE A GREAT BLOODY ACTIVITY FOR THE TWO OF THEM TO TOGETHER! But maybe it was a selfish thought on Arthur's part. For something like that to happen, he would need to ask Merlin to set aside his own rage and hurt and anger just for Arthur's own selfish desires. But he was desperate here, desperate to make or promise his consort whatever he wanted. As long as it got that sweet angel to stop looking at him with scorn in his eyes.

"And pray tell me, Arthur, what exactly would something like that actually be accomplishing? Because all it sounds like to me is us continuing to do what we have been doing the entire time I've been in this city. Pretty much nothing but us putting on a show for a bunch of strangers who think they are privy to any part of my personal life." Merlin said bluntly, dismissing Arthur's idea without a second thought. Before a wicked sharp grin flashed on Merlin's face, as if he's about to enjoy what he was going to say next, taking his uncomfortableness as if it was some kind of prize Merlin could play with. "Unless you plan on actually going all out and being drastic in order to, how do you always say it… making it right between us? Do you plan on doing the things that I wanted to do with you long before you showed me who you really are? Do you plan to take me out on every other weekend, to the town perhaps. I just want to go looking, but you'll probably plan to show me off, pleasing the masses while buying me whatever I happen to glance at just to prove you can provide me with my everything that I desire. Will you be willing to hold my hand in public so people realize that the two of us are actually there together? The next time we are forced to attend a function in your castle, will you be willing to put your big strong arms around me and whip me right off my feet as we dance the night away? Would you be willing to go and fetch me my food as if I am a lady and incapable of doing that myself? Bring flowers upon my door just because you know how much I enjoy the little things such as that. Maybe I'd go a step further and start wearing my ring again, showing off how dumb I am by willing to give you even an inch after all the shit you've put me through… would you be willing to kiss me, Arthur? It is what REAL husbands do together, after all. Would you be willing to kiss me out of nowhere, until it feels as if my hearts stopped beating because of how breathless it left me… with your people watching. All in the name of proving to everybody else, except to me, of course, that you are such a doting husband,"

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

THE RING.

Merlin's naked hand was like a slap to Arthur's face as his eyes were drawn to the place where his ring should be on the consort's hand. It was nothing more than an empty space now, and it looked so wrong that it left Arthur hollow on his insides. But… was that what Merlin dreamed about as he slept? Not of the man—him—who placed a ring on his finger and declared him as his in front of the entire city. But a man, any man, who could make Merlin lose the breath in his lungs. His Merlin was so innocent and sweet, but then he goes and wants to say things like 'leaving him breathless' that it made Arthur realize the other boy wasn't as entirely innocent as he was. Yes, Merlin's skin is unmarred and unseen from the prying eyes of other men, and Merlin's mind was cleaned of all the sinful thoughts that most men carried around with them. But that didn't mean Merlin didn't have his own form of desires, his own wants for another to do with him. Arthur himself could almost taste the phantom sensation of what his consort had tasted like the last time their lips had touched, a sweetness to cover up the sin the two boys had committed that day. The sin that Arthur had committed on that day, with his tongue thrusting its way down Merlin's gullet, as if it would prove to Merlin that men were the only thing he was interested in. Had Arthur left Merlin breathless that day? Had Arthur stolen Merlin's breath the way he wanted it to be taken… before reality kicked in and the other came after him viciously.

"That's exactly what I thought." Merlin spoke up sharply, when Arthur faulted to do anything more than staring him down like some kind of demented creep, throwing his naked hand back down at his side. Merlin had mistaken Arthur's silence as disgust, believing the idea of doing even half the things Merlin had thrown out there would be enough to send the prince running as far as he was able to in the other direction. The consort rolled his eyes, "Just face it, Arthur. I'm not willing to stand around here and listen to you go about making stupid promises that are all about you. You've done nothing but break promises to me since the day we've met, so why would I believe you 'wanting to do more stuff together' is anything more than empty words to make yourself look good while in front of everybody else. How many times did you promise me I was going to be safe under your roof, only for that to turn out to be one massive lie, when it is you who was my biggest tormentor. How many times did you tell me promise me you would fix something, only for you to be completely useless and I had to be the one to handle it. Oh, and let us not forget, since we are on the topic of things you've done to me when you said you wouldn't… need I remind you of the time you kissed me! Even after you SWORE to me that you'll never kiss me until it's something YOU were interested in doing. But just in case you weren't clear about that considering how I reacted the last time you broke you word to me, that offer isn't even on the table anymore! So you can take all your stupid as fuck promises, all your 'we can do whatever you want together' bullshit and shove it up your arse!"

Arthur froze stiff as all of the past promises he had once made Merlin at some point or another was suddenly shoved in his face, the weight of everything he had told Merlin and failed to keep up with dropping down on his shoulders with the same weight of a ten ton carriage. Along with Merlin's middle finger as the digit was shoved into his face as the consort flipped him off with violently. The prince hovered there for a moment… weakened as if Merlin had taken his blade and shoved it into his gut. Failure after failure after failure flashing inside of his mind until it felt as if he would never be able to escape him. Merlin had lived in his castle, safety compromised, before Arthur had failed to do anything until it was impossible to deny everything he had seen with his own eyes. And kissing Merlin… Arthur HAD once made a deal with Merlin that he would never kiss the consort unless he wanted to kiss him. The deal had only been made because his consort was sick and tired of Arthur pressing lips on him just to please his father. And yet, when Arthur had done the unthinkable and actually did what it was that he did… it had been done on a whim. Arthur hadn't decided to do it or considered what it would mean if he did. He had simply been pissed and angry that the first thing Merlin had done after Arthur had risked life and limb just to save him, was kiss Guinevere. And now it was something Merlin would only see as Arthur breaking his promise to him… again. Merlin saw it as something that was disgusting, but Arthur could only taste sweet innocence. Arthur couldn't find it in himself to move even as the consort spun around on his heel before he started storming up the pathway once again. In fact, he probably would've stayed right there until hell itself decided to freeze over.

If Merlin hadn't murmured something beneath his breath.

"Lancelot would have probably been a better kisser anyway."

Better kisser… better kisser… better kisser… Arthur's entire world seemed as if it was centered around those daring words, as if his entire world was starting to implode under the powerful question that came with the… what ifs? What if Lancelot really was a better kisser than Arthur? What if Lancelot could hit all of those sweet spots inside of a person's mouth that would have made them moan for more, something that Merlin hadn't done when Arthur had planted one on him. What if Merlin would have ENJOYED having Lancelot pressed up against him, giving him the sweet kisses that a gentlemen would give to their lover. Those questions and a thousand more whipped around Arthur's mind so fast that it left him feeling dizzy with it. Merlin was.. he was… he was doubting Arthur's kissing ability. Claiming Lancelot was better, when he had never even kissed Lancelot! But… he had kissed Arthur. And what did it say about Arthur's ability to impress, if his consort thought that stranger could make him sing in ways Arthur had failed to do so. Arthur practically tripped over his own feet in his sudden hurry to catch up to Merlin before the other boy was able to get far enough away from him.

"What do you mean you think he's a better kisser than I am! Have you seen the way he looks? I mean, I know that he can put up one hell of a good fight, but I really don't think he'll be able to put the same kind of attention to detail when he is kissing somebody. I mean, have you seen him interacting with Gwen? It's …I mean I'VE hardly seen him interacting with Gwen, but he would probably be acting as if a single touch would hurt her if he kissed her! How are you meant to find out if somebody's a good kisser if you are too afraid to touch them as you are doing it?" Arthur exclaimed rapidly. He could still remember the ways he had touched Merlin when he had kissed the other boy, how aggressive he'd been behavior as he placed one hand on Merlin's cheek to keep him steady for him. He could remember his other hand harshly yanking on the back of his hair in order to force Merlin to open his mouth so that Arthur could lick his way into the warm cavern. Now THAT was a kiss that was rememberable. Not some tiny gentle peck that Merlin could barely feel, like Lancelot probably would've gave him. But… Arthur's face rapidly paled as a thought struck him. "Did you try and kiss Lancelot? Is that where you brought him back up? I mean, is that how you know he's straight? Because you tried doing something and… did he turn you down for Guinevere? He's a bloody slimy bastard if he turned you away! Thank god I never left you alone with him when you were drunk! Who knows what you could have done when you had your inhibitions lowered!"

Arthur hardly noticed Merlin narrowing his eyes sharply at him, the prince was too busy with shaking his fists at the thoughts rushing through his mind. It had been bad enough to hear about how Merlin had once held a crush on this man, but to know Merlin had felt so strongly about it that he would have tried to kiss him in order to make his feelings known? That was a special kind of pain all its own, but… Arthur was the one at fault for it. He was the one that had basically chased Merlin straight into another man's arms. He was the one that had made Merlin feel so desperate to feel something other than all the coiling disgust he had in Arthur's presence, that the consort had gone and jumped right into the arms of the first kind soul he had met. The images burned inside of his retinas, imagining the way Merlin must have gently smiled at Lancelot, with that faint blush of innocence burning on his cheeks. Merlin must have been so shy and sweet and pliable as he leaned over and tried to place his trembling lips onto Lancelot's. It burned something within Arthur, something that he had came to know as jealousy. Merlin would have never smiled sweetly at him, and he would never dream of entertaining Arthur or the many excuses he had for why it was okay for them to kiss. (Because his father wanted them to pull off their loving couple act for the people, because Arthur wanted to prove to Merlin that there wasn't a single woman alive who would be able to kiss him as he needed to be kissed, Arthur needed to erase the touch of somebody else and he could only do that with long and harsh swipes of his tongue across the infected area…).

"Wait just a minute here, why do you automatically decide to place the blame at my feet? You cannot seriously be accusing me of trying to KISS Lancelot on the lips right about now, are you. GOD, ARTHUR! And right after you admitted, finally, that I WASN'T running around dating half of Camelot's male population! That sounds like it would've been a bloody great idea! Spend the last month or so trying to convince people I'm not cheating on the husband who makes it no secret that he doesn't want me around, and then do immediately that the very second the rumors finally start to die down. Do you really think I'm that stupid, Arthur?" Merlin demanded, yanking himself to a harsh and sudden stop. Arthur snapped his jaw shut, this embarrassing flush working its way slowly up along the back of his neck. Well, when Merlin put it like that… it did sound as if it was a dumb thing to do. And Merlin was, as Arthur knew, anything but dumb. If the consort ever… did try and do something like that, then he would've been smart enough to keep it hidden. Or at least smart enough to find a way to keep it out of Arthur's sight. "Oh, who the bloody hell am I kidding. Of course you believe I am that dumb. Maybe you should stop believing the first thing that pops into your mind, and realize that SOME people are able to have this thing called an adult conversation. Where somebody TELLS somebody else what they like in a person, which is what led to me listening to all the ways Lancelot loves seeing the dimples in Gwen's cheek when she smiles one night. And what does any of this have to do with the night I was drinking? I might not remember anything of that night, but I sure as hell don't think I was so drunk that I would go throwing myself at somebody who isn't interested in me like that!"

Arthur opened his mouth to say 'yes!' Merlin would absolutely throw himself at somebody who had already said they weren't interested in him when he was in a drunken state. Because, after all, hadn't that been exactly what Merlin did to Arthur? Arthur had been the one who had carted a drunken Merlin up the stars over his shoulder to make sure he got to his room safe and sound. And he was the one that had thrown himself at Arthur once they were safely inside. Merlin had thrown his arms around Arthur, hugging the prince with all the strength he had in his slim body, and had nuzzled his face into Arthur's chest as if he was some kind of contented kitten. Meowing softly under his breath as Arthur was subdued under the warmth that came from Merlin's heated skin. And then the consort had stripped his pants off and climbed into bed half naked as he was stuck watching him, but that was a different matter entirely. The point is… the prince couldn't say all that. He couldn't! This was Merlin, he was speaking with right now! How could Arthur complain about Merlin doing things, things Arthur was pretty sure he didn't mind, when he was in this altered state of mind? The consort hadn't even realized it was Arthur at the time, for god's sake! At least Merlin could say he was drunk, if Arthur told him exactly what he wasn't able to remember that night. What was Arthur's excuse for doing the things he has done? He certainly wasn't drunk out of his mind when he had been tracing the insides of Merlin's teeth with his tongue, or when he had been forcing his little consort to open his mouth wider so that Arthur could have free reign to do far more.

So he didn't say anything at all.

"But we are getting entirely off the point. All you need to know is that I did not kiss Lancelot, nor do I have any plans on kissing him or anybody else. And I am pretty sure you don't even need to know that, because what I decide to do has to be none of your damn business! I'm only telling you this now because I can't go through ANOTHER month with you believing I'm spending my time pressing my lips up against… against the stable hand next, or something. Alright? Or am I asking too much of you to think with your big boy brain instead of whatever it is you're trying to pass off as a brain inside your skull?"

Feeling promptly chastened, Arthur nodded his head. He… he could find a way to live with this. Being treated as if he was much dumber than he actually was, because… he was, in fact, dumb when he was around Merlin. It's as if his angel was able to suck each and every one of his brain cells out everytime the prince so much as laid eyes on him. He just got so… frustrated, knowing how open his consort could be when it came to total strangers, while Arthur was being kept at arms length. But… if there was one good thing that came out of this, Arthur could see that Merlin had moved on from whatever crush he had on Lancelot. It would have torn Arthur apart if he had to stand behind Merlin, watching the other boy pining away for a man that would never be seen around these parts for as long as any of them should live. Arthur peeked his head up when Merlin released a weary sigh, bringing up a hand to scratch at the back of his neck as he once again turned his back on Arthur.

"Besides, I think I am completely over anything that has to do with kissing any other person. My track record with being kissed hasn't exactly been great, so, thanks for that, Arthur. An entire two kisses to my name and neither one were able to give me chills or make my toes curl or any of that other nonsense that you hear about from other people." Merlin said bluntly, taking a few steps from Arthur as they resumed their walk to the castle. But Arthur frowned, what did Merlin mean by… a whole two kisses to his name? Two kisses was an insanely weak number for a man who was almost twenty, and didn't sound as if Merlin was adding up properly. Merlin and him had shared two kisses, so perhaps it was just that that Merlin was counting? "But I suppose I never should've been listening to the older kids in my village anyway. They were always trying to talk as if they were the experts in everything. Maybe if I hadn't listened, I wouldn't have gotten so worked up when my first kiss happened in front of all of those people!"

All those people… Arthur's world seemed to be moving in slow motion as he started considering the possibilities of what Merlin was telling him. Something that was so far fetched, that it left him just as startled as the day he learned how innocently naive and virginal Merlin was. But he couldn't be… he couldn't be talking about their wedding, was he? Merlin had said his first kiss was when he was in front of all 'those people.' As in… the people that had been there to attend their wedding? But… that would mean… Merlin couldn't have possibly just said that the kiss they shared on their wedding was his… FIRST kiss. As in the first kiss he had ever been given in his entire nineteen years of living in the world. Nineteen and never been kissed… the implications of that was too much for Arthur. He had to have been mistaken, and misunderstood what Merlin was ranting at him about this time. Because there was no way Arthur would believe that Merlin's FIRST KISS was that tiny and quick little peck Arthur had forced himself to give the other boy. Merlin's ranting continued, as if he was on some kind of roll and wasn't going to stop until he had completely ripped the Prince apart verbally.

"You were absolutely TERRIBLE on our wedding day. I mean, at first I thought it was just me, because what did I know about kissing? I thought maybe I ended up psyching myself out and it ruined what should've been a most memorable moment for me. There was absolutely nothing there! I felt like I was kissed by my mom or something back when I was little. People always talked about how a first kiss follows you around forever, and it's something you won't forget for the rest of your life, but she sure as hell did your damn hardest to make it as unremarkable as it could possibly be, didn't you? When I finally realized it was not me who was broken, I figured the stories the older kids told me were only stories. Something people grossly exaggerated just because it's like a persons first step into growing up and moving on from being a kid. But honestly, if I'm thinking about it now, I know that it's you who was the problem. You don't have any idea how a kiss is supposed to be! So it's you who's at fault for ruining my first kiss for me!"

Oh god, Arthur thought as the truth of the matter slapped him in the face with the same force of a dead fish flopping on the ground. He wasn't imagining this or misinterpreting… Merlin had been very plain about speaking of his first kiss. Which meant… Arthur was the first and only person to have place his lips onto Merlin's. He was the first and only one that had ever gotten to taste the sweet nectar attached to his lips and skin and even his damn scent! He had known all about Merlin's virginal history since the beginning of their time together, even if he did have a… miscommunication about that the last month or so. But it had somehow escaped Arthur's notice that Merlin had more than never had hands on him below his belt or in the crevices that only a lover should ever see. How had Arthur not known, until today, that Merlin's lips had been unclaimed until Arthur took them himself. How had… Arthur felt disgusted with himself. A first kiss wasn't something Arthur had ever placed much stock in, he had gotten his over and done with and moved on to other things. But it was clear that Merlin's probably spent a good chuck on his time imagining what his first kiss would be like, imagining how intimate it would have been with a man he choose to give it to. Like some kind of gift that could only be given once. And instead of what it was that Merlin had dreamed about, his first kiss had been awkward and while he was standing in front of dozens and dozens of strangers. That wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to happen like that. Not it Merlin had wanted something on the more romantic side of the spectrum.

Arthur should have been able to give Merlin the experience that he wanted it to be, it was the least that his consort should deserve. It Arthur had known it was his first kiss, and if Arthur had known the horrible relationship they would have because of him, he would have done thing differently. Perhaps he would have gone up to Merlin's room the day before their wedding—he would have still been sleeping in the royal suite that had been given to him—and knocked on the door. Merlin wouldn't have as much of a reason to hate him as he had now, so perhaps Merlin would have allowed him inside. The two of them could have sat on the edge of Merlin's bed so that they could talk, or they could sit on the damn floor for all Arthur cared. As long as he was with Merlin, and as long as Merlin was comfortable with his presence. The actual conversation the two of them could have had, when Merlin wasn't bogged down by these awful negative emotions Arthur had thrusted onto him, would've been unimportant in the moment. But it would have ended with Arthur giving Merlin exactly what he wanted, in the privacy and intimacy that came from Merlin's room, without the eyes of dozens silently judging them.

Arthur would have placed his hands on either side of Merlin's checks, feeling the warmth coming off the blush that would have risen when Merlin realized what the prince was going to do. Arthur could have ran his thumb along the length of Merlin's cheekbone in an attempt to calm him, soothe him so he did not freak out over being kissed by a near stranger. Their unique situation was all the encouragement either of them needed for Arthur to lean in, a question in his eyes as to whether or not this was really okay for him to do. And Merlin, so shy and sweet, would have lowered his eyes before meekly nodding, voice subdue in the wake of what he thought could be a life changing moment. That would have been all Arthur could take, the temptation to claim that innocence as his own too strong for him to resist. He would have learned forward, and the first press of their lips would have made Arthur feel as if the heavens had just opened up and started singing for the two of them. But heaven would've paled in comparison to the sweet sun that was Merlin leaning into him, his soft moan rumbling from his lips and vibrating into Arthur's soul. And Arthur would have responded in kind, a grumble of a moan escaping him as he placed gentle licks along the seam of Merlin's lips, tasting that sweetness as if it had turned into a forbidden fruit not meant for mortal men to taste. And unlike the last time they had kissed, Arthur wouldn't have to force Merlin's lips open. Merlin would have opened up himself, allowing Arthur entrance to someplace sacred, allowing his tongue to explore every curve of that sweet cavern, chasing after the taste as if he needed it just to keep going on. And nothing—NOTHING—would have felt better than Merlin's own tongue coming out to play. Questioning and seeking shyly, looking to Arthur for direction as the prince coaxed the consort to follow Arthur's tongue back into Arthur's mouth, coaxing him to gain the confidence Arthur knew he had within him.

"And do I really have to lay into you about how you handled, no… how you stole my second kiss! The first one is at least understandable, because it's what we were both forced into. Even I know a marriage isn't complete without a whole kissing moment included, even if it slipped my mind until it was happening for us." Merlin continued lecturing Arthur, his voice rapid and snide and was also everything that Arthur deserved. Hell, he deserved to hear Merlin describing their—his—first kiss as being the same as kissing his damn mother! If Merlin was looking to aim below the belt with that remark, then he had hit the nail on the head directly. Arthur could kiss better than ANY mother. But his ego was something that was never going to recover from this blow to it. "The second one thought was completely uncalled for! It was just more of your possessive bull! The way you launched yourself at me, you were acting as if you were an animal in heat or something! I swear! I think I had more of your spit in my own mouth than I did my own! Is that what kisses are? Being slobbered on by some beast pretending to be a man? Because if that's how it truly is, then I think I'll be able to live without it!"

Arthur's flush returned full force, the echo of the sweetness he had tasted on Merlin at one time lingering in remembrance. But… Arthur had spent too much of his time imagining that sweetness and wondering how any man could taste better than any woman Arthur has ever kissed before in his life. It had been a fit of passion and rage that had fueled him to kiss Merlin, but he had used all the techniques he had in his arsenal on that boy. Arthur had used every trick he had ever learned that had ever made a woman moan for him, wanting and needing to force Merlin to feel good about it. It was just to prove a point, but Arthur had been dead set on Merlin admitting he could never forsake men like he had been trying to do at the time. And yet… Arthur hadn't been slobbering on him… had he been? Arthur could remember each and every detail that had happened during that kiss, but he could not remember if there had been extra spit being shared between them that shouldn't have been. This was… Arthur's being humiliated, he realized. Brutally. Forced to face that he might not be the great kisser he always thought he was. Would one of the women he had kissed in the past even tell him if he was doing too much? Or would that have ignored it because they were kissing Camelot's Prince. What would it take to have him learn what it is that Merlin would have liked in a kiss…?

"Oh, and do you know who else wanted to force me into a kiss beyond my will? Who else wanted to stick their tongue straight down my throat until it felt as if I was going to swallow it? Who WAS the man that wanted to pin me down into place and not allow me to move and leave until they got whatever it was they wanted from MY body. You did all of those things, Arthur, even chased me all the way to my safe space and entered my area without permission. But does any of that sound familiar to you, Arthur? Can you think of anybody else who has done, and would have done, the exact same thing that you did to me all of those days ago, Arthur Pendragon." Merlin said, his words spinning the horrific story, drawing Arthur in like a moth was drawn to a flame. Or like people were fascinated with carriages crashing and the carnage it left behind. His skin felt as if it was draining of color, the implications of what Merlin was saying made him insanely aware of how his heart was beating in his eardrums. Merlin cooed in this sickly sweet tone that wasn't like him at all, "It should sound familiar to you, Arthur. Because, as I remember from what happened all of those months ago, you gutted the last man that wanted to force me to kiss him. Leaving him to die like a slaughtered pig on the very field where he breathed his last."

Valiant.

Merlin was speaking about Valiant.

Merlin was comparing what Arthur did to what Valiant had tried doing to him.

Arthur had been blind towards the similarities between what he had done with Merlin and what Valiant had tried doing to him… until Merlin was throwing it in his face like he was. But… it was different! Wasn't it? Arthur had kissed Merlin just so he wouldn't waste his time questioning his sexuality… he was trying to help him! Whereas Valiant had tried doing something similar because he was a sadistic fuck who had only wanted to torment Merlin because he knew it would distract Arthur. Hell, Valiant wasn't even going to kiss Merlin! He was going to bloody well rape him and leave his body—naked as copious amounts of blood flowed free from Merlin's rectum—on his bed and waiting for Arthur to find him come morning. Arthur wasn't that kind of man! He wouldn't have tried going to that level of depravity… except… that's exactly what Arthur had been working up towards. Arthur felt almost dizzy, as he remembered the golden chains and the golden collar hidden away neatly beneath his bed, waiting to be worn by a boy who would never know they had ever existed.

Good god…

He was like Valiant, wasn't he?

He was a monster.

A horrible, horrible monster that had feasted on Merlin's flesh as if it was free for him to take.

"Why don't you muse on that one for a while there, Arthur, dear."

Merlin spoke with that cool and impersonal smile on his lips, but Arthur could see the deep satisfaction lingering in the consort's eyes, and it made him feel as if the breath was being dragged out of his lungs. Merlin knew exactly what he was doing, Arthur realized. Merlin knew how hard Arthur had worked to get Valiant away from him during that terrible, terrible week. There had been more setbacks and problems than there should have been, and it had all cumulated to that day on the fields. Where Arthur had behaved like a monster, for shaking himself and his soul, in order to make sure Valiant was unable to drawn even a single breath more. His relationship toward Merlin hadn't been as bad as it was back then, the results of Arthur's triumph had left a profound impact on them both. And Merlin KNEW that. Arthur KNEW that he knew that. And yet, he was using it against Arthur. Hitting low, the same way Arthur would have done if he was the one standing in Merlin's position.

Merlin was a cruel, cruel man, taking satisfaction as he watched the way the prince was tearing himself down over the similarities between himself and that horrid, horrid man. Arthur was wrecking himself down from the inside out, and all Merlin seemed to do was stand there and give him that empty thin-lipped of a smile. But by the gods… it felt as if Merlin was now an avenging god, seeking his vengeance on the very same subjects that had forsaken him. But Arthur did not want to forsake Merlin anymore. He wanted to… wanted to… wanted to do the impossible and damn well worship him! He would get down on his knees in an instant and bow his nape to Merlin's strict punishing grip, if he thought for a single second that the other boy would go for it.

"Because personally, out of the three of you, I think Lancelot might be the only one who would actually know what he was doing on that front."

Merlin left him standing there, turning around on his heels and disappearing into the lower town as if he hadn't, and not for the first time, turned Arthur's entire world upside down in the span of minutes. Arthur's knees were so weak that they wobbled beneath him, and Arthur's eyes dropped all on their own to watch the gentle sway that became Merlin's hips just before he had walked out of sight. The gentle sway of those hips as they eased their way into that round flesh that was Merlin's bottom was a sight too much for even him, and the man was helpless to do anything but sink down to his knees. Arthur kneeled right in the dirt, feeling every bit of the shame that would come when one knew they'd disappointed their god and savior. Arthur breathed in the scent of dirt trying to cling to his nostrils, seeking the scent of Merlin that was nowhere for Arthur to find. He thought about all the things he had learned in the last few minutes; he thought about all the things Merlin had taunted him with, and his heart twisted in his chest as if it was on fire.

Merlin was a beast in human flesh…

Merlin wanted to experience the chills that came from the sweetest of kisses…

Merlin wanted to experience his toes curling in his boots as he submitted…

Merlin wanted a first kiss spoken about in fantasies and stories…

Arthur could do that.

He didn't know exactly how he was going to do this, but Arthur knew that this was something worth throwing himself headfirst into. He didn't want to see the disappointment on Merlin's face for the rest of their lives, didn't want Merlin to want this ONE THING and be denied it. Arthur was only a man, he was made of flesh and blood and didn't have anything to offer Merlin that he wanted to take from him. But perhaps Arthur could offer himself, and be whatever his consort wanted him to be. If he wanted the first kiss of his dreams, then Arthur would strive to correct how their previous kisses had been. No more meekness that came from Arthur's inability to process he was really kissing another man. And no more monstrous appetite, driven by Arthur's own compulsive need to force Merlin to feel something that just wasn't there.

He would do it.

He just needed to have something Merlin had never given before…

Something neither him nor Valiant had asked him for before…

Merlin's Consent.