Chapter 4
If Elissa never saw the Hinterlands again, it would be too soon.
Whilst she did love the time she got to spend with her fellow Inquisition members, the Hinterlands served as a reminder of how monumental the task before her was. It never ended. Whenever one problem was fixed, three more popped up- like some bureaucratic hydra.
Upon meeting Mother Giselle and seeing the damage the fighting had done to both sides and everyone caught in between, Elissa could not help but do whatever she could to assist them. They wandered the expanse of the countryside to find randomly stored caches for much needed supplies, helped to hunt different types of game for their pelts and meat to provide for the Mother's patients and the refugees the Inquisition had already claimed as temporary charges.
Cassandra had tried to impress upon her that time was of the essence; that they should focus on acquiring Master Dennett's horses so they could then travel to Val Royeaux and address the clerics congregating there like Mother Giselle advised. She was promptly shut down when Elissa had given her a hard, unmoving stare.
"If we cannot spare a week to look after these people, to ensure they live well and are not forgotten, is there any point in fixing the sky?"
The Seeker flushed and said no more on the matter.
Still a part of her had wished she listened, if she had perhaps she would not have had to withstand the country for so long, endured all the trials that the cursed land threw at her. From the hostility between the Mages and Templars which spanned across every corner of the land and made each of their endeavours perilous, their team having to fight their way out of their crossfire every other day. To the many, many rifts that littered the sky in between Redcliffe and Haven. A damned dragon and her bastard offspring. Being allergic to a specific type of grass which popped up everywhere in the Hinterlands. And Bears.
Bloody. Fucking. Bloody. Shit. Bears. Bloody. Bears.
She had to believe that there was never a time in her life pre-Conclave that she thought she would be more afraid of bears and tall grass than a High Dragon. And truth be told she wasn't actually so much afraid of the tall grass but more wary- after all for the first week of their journey she could barely see anything through her itchy eyes, and often risked giving away their location by her sneezes time and again. Thankfully the most foreboding party who happened upon them were heavily armoured Templar deserters who were not expecting a fledgling mage to electrocute them with her fifth consecutive sneeze. Varric had begged Solas to stop their nightly lessons after seeing that.
'Come on Chuckles think of it, the Herald of Andraste punishing the non-believers with the wrath of her nose. The Chantry's gonna love it!"
Elissa had no idea what she would have done without Solas by her side. He taught her how to properly call upon her power and harness it into purposeful attacks, and whilst she was still certainly classified as a novice, she could now cast some very powerful spells.
"Look Varric! I actually set that mage on fire... and on purpose!"
"That a girl Stormy, now do you mind setting those other mages on fire, on purpose, too?"
The apostate took every opportunity to teach her something, wasting no chance to impart some kind of wisdom to the young mage. When they had confirmed she was in fact allergic to a specific type of grass; he had taken her aside to teach her how to identify Spindleweed and Elfroot and then instructed her how to harvest and store the herbs to create a basic tincture to help fend off her symptoms. He spoke of other plants as he skilfully drew them in the dirt, Prophet's Laurel, Embrium and Arbor Blessing along with many more he promised to point out to her should their travels ever take them to the places where they grew.
He even showed her things she would have never thought about, such as collecting sap from specific trees, boiling them down and adding some jam for a special sweet treat. Alternatively he told her she could add mint to the mixture to make a gummy type of candy that could keep quite well and help ward off hunger when eaten and also freshen one's breath. Why the apostate hadn't thought to market this idea to the masses she didn't know, but she was grateful for something to nibble on as they travelled the long roads.
After each battle he would quickly show her how she could adapt her stances to wield magic more effectively whilst she also fought with her staff, always pleasantly surprised at how quickly she took adding melee aspects into her casting- noting many classically educated mages preferred to stay far from the fight, and just wave their staff at the general vicinity of the enemy as they stood still.
"Perhaps you too were an apostate, Da'len, the way you fight- you certainly were not a circle mage," he had mentioned more than once during their journey.
"Solas, considering how terrible I was before you started teaching me, I'm willing to believe I've had no training whatsoever. I am also willing to believe that I was such a shitty mage that no one in any Circle could teach me; so they just let me play in the corner with the leftover sticks they couldn't use to make the circle's staves, just hoping I'd accidentally stab myself."
"Oh that imagination of yours, I hope you never lose it Elissa."
It was not only Solas who took a strong interest in her tutelage during their time on the road. Cassandra had keenly watched them as the elf trained her in the arcane arts, the Seeker in her unable to sit still when so much magic could be felt in the air around her. As the days turned into weeks she could see the impressive amount of improvement the mage had accomplished; her once unsteady form and mana, now fixed and concentrated.
The older woman promptly acknowledged her aptitude for physical combat and insisted that she also learn how to fight and defend herself should she run out of mana on the field. Elissa was thankful for the lessons but believed it was just a means for the Seeker to relieve herself of pent up tension from spending endless hours with Varric with no sight of escape, and no plausible alibi for 'accidentally' murdering him. Unlike Elissa's training with Solas, melee came to her much more naturally. She was able to read Cassandra's moves and understood her instructions more readily as if she was merely rehashing a lesson already learned, or rearranging something within her mind- instead of building everything up from scratch like she had to when it came to magic.
"One would think you have been trained in combat before, Herald," Cassandra said as she twisted her wrist, her long sword cutting the air beside her in figure eights.
"Maybe I have," Elissa replied, shrugging as her eyes continued to follow the sword's path. "The only things I've managed to remember in the last two weeks, even with Solas helping me, is I have always loathed insects and the fact that I have eaten at the Spoiled Princess inn at the Lake Calenhad docks. I staunchly advise that no one ever eats there, or even in the near vicinity of it, ever again."
"Ahh not to worry Stormy, you got your old buddy Varric here to help figure things out," the archer said from the sidelines, causing Cassandra to snort ungracefully.
"Do not believe the little imp Herald," she warned as she tried to feign a shield bash to catch Elissa off guard. "His offer for assistance is merely a mask, a ruse to get any information out of you so he can write it into his next novel."
"Whaaat? I am here only ever to serve the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste," he bowed as he remained seated, earning him a raised middle finger from Elissa. "Look if I can help you and you can help me, isn't that the very essence of teamwork? True collaboration?" he queried with what he hoped was a trustworthy expression.
Cassandra managed to knock over her pupil and sat back down on a tree stump, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. Elissa groaned and eased herself to her side as she lay limply on the ground, trying her best to not throw up one of her lungs.
"So... true collaboration huh?" she quoted, one eyebrow raised at the dwarf. He asserted his agreement once more and Elissa stood up with her hand held out to him to shake on it. "So this means we split the profits equally then?"
Varric chuckled and pulled his hand back, laughing harder when Cassandra pointed at him with a great resounding "AHA!", Solas grinning as he looked between them all.
"Ah shit Stormy, I am but a simple author-"
"You are very well off you conniving little-"
"...I am living between the royalties of my books at the moment you see, Herald..."
"Master Tethras, did you not say before we met Elissa in the valley that you owned the largest rooms in the best tavern in Kirkwall?"
"-and with me being sequestered away in Ferelden, held against my will and unable to work-"
"I wish you would leave already but you will not go until I find out where Hawke is-"
"-in fact you told me you had ties within the Carta, the merchants guilds and even the nobility in the Free Marches. You offered me safe harbour with you if things turned sideways here for mages, particularly apostates-"
"The point is Stormy," he ground out, casting sidelong glances at both Solas and Cassandra who were still talking amongst themselves, one sentence short from seemingly pulling out his personal ledgers and telling the entire Hinterlands his exact net worth down to the last copper. "I am here for you, story or no story. Are you happy now you animals?" he chided, with a large grin pulling at his mouth.
And true to his word, Varric was not left behind by his comrades in his assistance to the newest addition to the Inquisition; he spent the days and nights trying to fill in the last few years that their mysterious new friend was missing. He was more than delighted to know that she had no idea about his escapades with Hawke and their Kirkwall crew, much to Cassandra's chagrin. He spent countless hours detailing their adventures from the day he met the Hawke siblings up until his fateful encounter with the Seeker and Spymaster.
"... And then Choir Boy made Hawke choose whether to end Blondie's life, or risk the fury of the man on his way to reclaiming his throne..." Varric said sadly from across the fire one night, when Elissa had asked the fates of his friends back home.
"Oh my goodness, did she do it?" Elissa asked, both hands cradling her chin as she listened to the dwarf, both Solas and Cassandra listening intently from their bedrolls.
Varric smiled mirthlessly and looked into her eyes, unable to continue. The young woman gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, large eyes misting up with what he was silently implying.
"No!" she breathed, shaking her head from side to side. "No, she couldn't have! Anders was her friend from the very first! It would have been like... like killing you!"
"Yes but Stormy, his actions caused the deaths of so many people, murdered the Grand Cleric Elthina-"
"But he had saved so many people and he was pushed right to the edge of reason! I could never condone his actions, but wouldn't it have been better to have made him atone for his sins? Made him right his wrongs?" she asked, unable to fathom having to choose whether someone you loved lived or died. "Death is so final, with his gifts he could have done so much more good."
"I do not believe the Champion killed him either, Varric," Cassandra said as she polished her breastplate, dark eyes focused on the storyteller. "By all accounts they could not find the Grey Warden's body and some even said that he was seen sneaking aboard a ship... heading to Rivain."
Varric shrugged and rubbed his hands together as he warmed himself against the fire, firmly avoiding his gaze from Cassandra, a self-satisfied grin playing across his stubbled face as he heard her scoff.
"I guess you will believe whatever it is you want to believe, Seeker. All I can tell you, is that was the day Marian Hawke's heart broke for the last time- Anders was gone and she despised Sebastian for making her choose," he replied before excusing himself and retiring for the evening.
Elissa had quickly followed him to bed after she bid everyone a good night to think over the sorrowful tale of the Champion of Kirkwall. She faced such impossible odds, experienced such tragedy but still she had managed to hold everything together. It gave her a perverse sense of hope, if Hawke could do that with the limited resources her and her ragtag adopted family had- surely she and the Inquisition had to have similar odds. She was almost able to fall asleep when one final intrusive thought managed to wheedle itself into the forefront of her mind, if you had to kill one of your friends now to keep the peace... could you do it?
If she was lucky, the Breach would kill her before she had to make that choice.
The wooden barricade around the settlement at Haven was a welcome sight to the four weary travellers. After almost a month and a half away, Elissa wanted nothing more than to kiss the guard who opened the gates to them and then run into the tavern and promise to bear the children of the first person who got her a slice of freshly baked bread with lashings of butter. She wondered if she was previously living like a nomad and if she actually enjoyed it- as it was she was ready to offer her soul just to be able to sleep in a bed and have baths without the threat of fish staring up at her lady bits at any given time.
Her friends must have felt the same as their steps picked up as soon as they entered the encampment, only pausing briefly when they realised she had stopped to take a cutting of an Elfroot plant that she had hoped to practise with, earning her a proud smile from her elven tutor. They all said their temporary farewells as they all spread out to settle back into their camp routine, all excited to take some time for themselves before the next journey was upon them.
Elissa held the freshly cut plant in her hands as she took the path back to the main camp at a leisurely pace, enjoying the clean air only the mountains could offer, relieved to be completely free of the sputum inducing flora of her recent travels. She had passed the armoury and said hello to the smithy workers and was pleased to see the first lot of horses that Master Dennett must have sent ahead of him and the rest of the herd. She pet the closest one to her recognising it as the horse Master Dennett had kindly offered to give her during her time in the Hinterlands, but she found it embarrassing if she was the only one to be able to ride whilst her companions remained on foot. Elissa admired its rich chocolate coat, not aware that the sneaky thing had nipped at her newly acquired plant and had chewed on half of it.
"You little sneak! You seemed so sweet and unassuming- you just wanted my elfroot! You absolute charlatan!" she chided her as softly tapped it on its muzzle with her finger before nuzzling it playfully. "Charlotte, that will be your name! To remind me of your sneaky ways!"
The stablehand chuckled at her and agreed with her assessment. He told Elissa that if one didn't keep their wits about them around this mare, she would charm them and then steal the shirt off their back and think it a snack. Literally. Grinning as she tucked away the half eaten plant inside her pack, she gave the horse one last rub down before turning around towards the main camp entrance.
Elissa hadn't noticed it before, but the clang of swords on shields was far more boisterous than when she had left. She let her eyes drift over the army and even without taking a proper headcount, she could see a large increase in their numbers. All of them as green as the gash in the sky, but their good intentions were evident. She found herself instantly drawn to the sparring soldiers, a visceral need to be in the thick of it all with the people fighting on their side. Most of the men at arms jumped out of the way when they noticed her, doing their utmost to not hurt their Herald of Andraste with their clumsy movements. Elissa had spied Cassandra speaking to a Templar across the field but it was a flash of red from the corner of eye that caught her attention and urged most of the rational thoughts from her mind.
Oh Blessed be the Maker- had the Commander always been that handsome? She specifically remembered him being attractive the last time she saw him but had he always been that bloody gorgeous? She couldn't remember any of her previous attachments prior to waking up in Haven, but she certainly hoped they all looked like him. Tall and strong with classically chiselled features, the wonderful spattering of stubble across his cheeks and jaw... good gracious she was probably drooling.
Elissa mentally slapped herself for staring at him like he was a piece of meat for her to devour, it was positively shameful! She just chalked it up to her seeing him in a different setting. Normally she would be standing across from him at the map room table instead of the scene that played out before her today; him amidst a field of soldiers, exuding a different aura from what she was already accustomed to. He was always polite, reserved and measured and now that part of his character was juxtaposed beautifully against this other Cullen- a man who could easily be the decorated General for the King's forces. She knew she would have followed him with the blind faith that he was leading her to victory.
He had walked out further into the training yard with his head bent as he reviewed a missive and handed it back to a scout. He stopped beside one of the soldiers overlooking the training and was quick to point out where one young recruit wasn't adhering to the exercise.
"You there! There's a shield in your hand, block with it. If this man were your enemy you'd be dead," he barked out startling the man into doing what he was told. Cullen addressed the lieutenant to continue on the drills and to not let anyone take it easy on each other, no enemy would show them mercy and so they should be prepared accordingly, or why bother training them at all? It would be far more efficient just to shepherd them towards the enemy and let them be massacred.
Elissa had not realised she was standing there just observing the Commander from just outside of his periphery and cursed herself, there was no way she hadn't been seen ogling at the man and she just wished her mark would open up and swallow her whole. She could start to feel her heartbeat speed up at the thought of Varric or Solas hearing about this and teasing her mercilessly. She could envision it so clearly, the trek to Val Royeaux would be just them incessantly teasing her about her very one sided crush- no- attraction to their Commander.
Regaining her senses she took a step backwards hoping to make a speedy retreat before the man realised she was staring at him, only to have him glance backwards in her direction, doing a double take at the sight of her. If she was truly Andraste's blessed miracle child, perhaps Cullen would think she was merely coming toward him instead of retreating like the little coward she truly was.
"Welcome back, apologies I didn't realise that you and the team were already back from the Hinterlands," he greeted her kindly. At the sight of his wonderful honey toned eyes focusing on her, she found she couldn't speak. She had to scoff at Leliana. Her? Push boundaries? Flirt with some noble in a Chantry? The woman was mad. Cullen took her silence in stride and nodded towards the field of tents, more than doubled than when she had left.
"We've received a number of recruits – locals from Haven and some pilgrims. None made quite the entrance you did," he ribbed her gently, his soft smile pulling at the scar on his lip and somehow making him look even more dashing than before. It shouldn't have been allowed. Somewhere in Thedas, this was illegal, she just knew it.
"At least I got everyone's attention," she replied with a little more sass than she had expected. "It seemed it worked, look at everyone here come to see the woman with the season's most exclusive new fashion trend," she joked, holding up her left hand with the mark peeking through the dark leather of her gloves.
The Commander chuckled and shook his head, trying to preserve a stalwart demeanour around his recruits; the last thing he needed was for people to think he was some besotted school boy mooning over the woman who was on her way to being exalted as the second coming of Andraste (by the people- Maker not the Chantry, never the Chantry).
No matter how lovely he thought she was.
"And how about you Commander, how did you find yourself leading the Inquisition's forces? Was it the Breach that called you here or was it another reason?" she queried, tilting her head to the side like a curious child, or perhaps like a woman tempting someone to notice the smooth expanse of her cheek and neck.
"I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall, myself. I was there during the mage uprising – I saw firsthand the devastation it caused. Cassandra sought a solution so when she offered me a position, I left the templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse," he shared as he let his head fall back to look up at the Breach.
Elissa tried to picture him in between the warring factions, tried to reconcile the idea of him being at Kirkwall with Varric and Hawke, the three of them caught in between the brutal battle. She could only imagine how torn he must have felt during those days; did he continue to side with the Templars or protect the mages. It must have felt impossible then. She could only venture to think how he must have felt standing there with her against even greater odds.
"You're right, everything is a mess but... I do believe that this mark will help, it just has to," she stressed, closing her left fist to enclose the glow within her grasp.
"Provided that we can secure aid- but I'm confident we can especially with the reports that have been coming in from our camps in the Hinterlands. You've managed to accomplish quite a lot out there in a short time Herald," he complimented her, genuinely impressed with what she was able to do and the lengths she went to to assist both the people and the Inquisition.
"Oh you're a sweet talker, perhaps we should send you out there instead of me, Commander," she teased, her tone causing him to pause. No, that was just him hearing things, surely. He cleared his throat and tightened his arms around himself to get a physical grip on himself. Perhaps he'd been out in the cold for too long and his ears were playing tricks on him.
"I would think me heading out there would cost us any potential aid, and possibly any we have previously secured."
"You're selling yourself far too short, Commander," Elissa reproved him, lightly knocking into him with her shoulder. He glanced down at her as he was gently pushed back and fought not to do the same back to her; she was only in light armour, he'd most likely push the mage into the snow and face admonishment for quite literally rough housing with the Herald of Andraste.
"You've helped to build the Inquisition into what it is today, do not discount your efforts Ser."
Cullen puffed out his breath at the mention of Ser, it had been years since anyone had called him that. And many more since it was anything at all positive.
"The Chantry lost control of both templars and mages," he started, his mind focused on past failures, mostly his own. "And now? They argue over a new Divine while the Breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry cannot and our followers would be a part of that. There's so much we can-" Cullen cut himself off, embarrassed that he was about to diatribe in front of the Herald. "Forgive me, you have just arrived and I doubt that you came here for a lecture."
Elissa self-consciously smoothed down her braid, suddenly very aware that she probably looked and smelled of the road, but she didn't want him to think that he was burdening her by opening up to her.
"No but I've learned that I am quite the student, so if you do have one prepared I would love to hear it," she returned with a noticeable breathiness that he definitely did not invent. He was left completely taken aback and could only stammer unintelligently and coughed into his hand.
Meanwhile, Elissa wanted to die.
She didn't just push boundaries, she eradicated them entirely.
Flirt with Teagan in the Chantry? She was thoroughly surprised Leliana didn't say she just jumped on the poor Bann and rode him into the ground right in front of the Revered Mother.
Cullen cleared his throat again unsure of how to respond or truly if he should respond; she was the Herald and he would never deem to think he'd be someone she would be interested in, even if she had meant it to sound that way. He saw a soldier approaching him with what looked like to be a large dispatch for him to review and thanked the Maker he had a reason to gracefully exit and not make himself look even more foolish.
"There's still a lot of work ahead and I will not keep you from getting some much needed rest before you're duty bound to do more."
"Commander! Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines," the soldier advised, passing the report to him before saluting to them both.
"As I was saying," Cullen retorted as he offered her a wry grin and held up the new mountain of work just given to him. He bowed ever so slightly and excused himself to leave Elissa watching after him, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip.
She looked back down at her hand and unfurled her fingers, the green seeping through once more and cursed under her breath.
"Really, the one time I want you to kill me you just sit there and let me run my wanton mouth- what use are you?"
Cullen could feel her eyes follow him away and did his utmost not to turn around, petrified if he did he'd look back and turn a magnificent shade of scarlet. He was just grateful Rylen wasn't there to give him the report in person otherwise his friend would be absolutely relentless. The idea of the Herald of Andraste potentially flirting- with him- was more than he could understand. It seemed much more likely that she was being nice and he was reading far too much into nothing.
Still… he couldn't quite shake the feeling that he had seen that look on her face before, though he couldn't understand how. He'd only seen her a handful of times before her departure for the Hinterlands and there was never any time that he had seen her blush like that or the way her eyes seemed completely focused on him as if he were the moon and the stars. Looking at him as if the moon and the stars were good enough to eat.
The Commander signed off on another report when he caught one of the templars leaning over one of the new recruits, a young woman, pretty enough to catch more than one lad's eye that was for sure. The templar leaned in closer and whispered something into the girl's ear which had her giggle and slap him on the shoulder playfully. And just like that, he remembered where he had seen that look on the Herald of Andraste's face before.
On the second floor of the circle tower, at Kinloch Hold.
The small group who had come to save them had decided to stay a couple of days to properly recoup and regroup after the fight with Uldred and the other abominations. Understandable and considering what they had done for them, the very least they could do. The First Enchanter and Knight Commander Greagoir had even cleaned up one of the nicer rooms to ensure their guests were comfortable during their stay.
He was still so angry then, he could only remember how furious he was at her for potentially letting out such a threat to the world. So when he was completing his duties by patrolling the third floor and he came across a couple in the corner of the deserted hallway, he saw red. Was it blood magic at work again? Was it some sick ritual they were performing in the dead of the night to finish them off?
No. It was just the Grey Wardens in a private moment, standing outside of their company's communal rooms to have an intimate conversation. He had barely paid them any mind, too busy cursing at her to pay too much attention- and yet-
As he walked up to them he knew that neither of them would even realise that he was there. Cullen could see that Alistair had his left arm propped up against the stone wall and leaned forward as far as he could without his armour crushing into hers. His free hand held her jaw as his thumb stroked her cheek, gently moving her head from side to side as he closely examined her to ensure they didn't miss any untreated wounds. The way she stared up at him and only him as if nothing else in the world could matter more than the man before her… her expression of adoration blended with her hunger for more… Maker's breath.
Could she really be the same Elissa?
No. No, of course not. He was being ridiculous. He was just reading too much into nothing again.
He had to be.
Authors Note:
I have no idea how to upload pictures on if that was ever a thing like it is in Ao3 so the link to the picture I had commissioned for this part of the story will be in my profile :D