Chapter 5: Rules, rules, and more rules
Becoming a diabetic was something different than what Ryder expected. There were rules she knew it. But right now the rules started to overwhelm her.
Getting her diet went a bit different than she thought it would go. It wasn't just the diet itself. It was information upon information about food. How the insulin and the diet worked together and how important it was to follow it.
"What about carb counting?" Ryder suggested.
"Not with this insulin you're using," Lexi shot her idea down.
Harry who sat across from them cleared his throat," Moving on. I'll send you the body of your diet as soon as we're done with this meeting."
Ryder shot him an apologetic look. This wasn't the first time that she suggested something. She suggesting doing something different with every opportunity she got.
"Ryder," Lexi said, "It isn't just about eating healthy."
Ryder's only answer was silence. In reality, she didn't even think about it.
"This insulin," Lexi eyed the two injections on the desk, "need to work with your food. To get it under control there needs to be a balance."
She checked the time on her omni-tool, they've been here for at least an hour already and that was just to discuss her diet. Who knows what else they needed to discuss? Is this going to take the whole day?
Lexi gave her a dirty look. Ryder only sank deeper into her chair. Was this because she checked the time?
"Remember," Harry said when Ryder thought they were finally moving past the diet," this is just an example. Work with what you have."
Because there are so many different foods to choose from in Andromeda, she thought sarcastically.
She gave a disappointing sigh. For the last 20 minutes, it felt like they talked around in circles.
"Sure. What's next?" Ryder asked impatiently.
Lexi and Harry shared an unreadable glance before Harry fiddled with his omni-tool. It wasn't long until Ryder's omni-tool chimed. "You've sent something?" Ryder asked. The timing was impeccable. She knew it wasn't a coincidence.
"Open it," Harry confirmed.
Ryder's eyes widened as she opened the image, "Why the hell would you send me this?"
On her omni-tool she saw a human male, his body was divided into two. On the one side, his healthy organs were shown, he could use his leg. Everything was as it was supposed to be.
The same could not be said about the other side. There were descriptions on the side telling her exactly what was wrong. His leg was amputated. He had heart failure, and that was just to name a few.
"Diabetics," Lexi said as she checked the image from behind Ryder's shoulder. "Uncontrolled Diabetes," she corrected herself, "can lead to complications. These are just some of the best-known complications."
Ryder nodded as the news sunk in. She knew Diabetes could have complications but it's different viewing it from afar. Years ago that wasn't a reality. Now it was. Worry spread through her like a disease.
How long was her sugar high and she did nothing? Did she damage her body already? Why didn't she do anything? Why didn't she do better? She should have known.
But, the past is in the past. Besides her tests came back. Lexi said everything else was normal. But that didn't mean she won't have damage in the future. It's that image that spread the worry.
I can do this. I can do better.
"Are we done?" Ryder said when she collected her thoughts. She knew the chance was slim. There was a lot to discuss but she wanted to do nothing else than to escape.
"No," Lexi said. She eyed Harry as if asking him permission," but we can have a 5-minute break."
Harry moved his chair back in response.
When Ryder exited Harry's office for her 5-minute break she felt like she could breathe again. She didn't know how much of a break she really needed.
This was all getting too real for her. Is this how they did it back then? She was overwhelmed with all of this information.
She didn't want to follow all these rules. It wasn't about needing to eat right. It was so much more. Ryder was trapped in an imaginary cage. She felt like she lost her freedom.
After a long day, Ryder was finally back in her quarters. Some of the so-called new rules she followed were stupid.
"Really?" she questioned as she looked at the new attachment that was sent to her. "There's a rule against high heels?"
Ryder hated wearing high heels so that rule made no difference to her. It just sounded ridiculous to her.
Both Lexi and Harry wore serious expressions on their faces.
Ryder learned too much information today. Dozens of emails with attachments with the Do's and Don'ts. Some made sense and some sounded ridiculous. Some things were interesting though. There were types of food she thought she couldn't eat that she could. That was a relief.
Then there were other types of foods she thought she could eat that wasn't allowed. There was one perk though: Every now and then she could cheat but not outrageously. For example, she could never eat a whole chocolate on her own. Which was unfortunate. She really loved chocolate.
The way how it melted in her mouth. Savouring the taste. She'll miss it. Not that it really mattered. Chocolate was very hard to come by in Andromeda.
It was good that they needed to come to the Nexus. Now that she is a diabetic they needed to get supplies specifically for her. She needed to be very careful about what she ate.
She opened up one of the emails again subjected diet. She thought it was absurd that she needed to weigh her food.
Under lunch one of the choices for proteins was 15 g of cheese. Who the hell weighs their cheese?
It wasn't something she asked at her meeting with Harry and Lexi. But she thought it.
When Lexi saw the look she gave after hearing she needed to weigh her food she said, "Later on you'll get the feeling off it. You'll know more or less how many proteins you need to eat without weighing them."
It also meant that she couldn't always eat with the Tempest crew. They threw stuff in their food that Ryder wasn't allowed to eat.
Ryder needed to eat 6 times a day. Test her sugar 2 hours before and after main meals. And inject herself. She had two types of injections. One working long distance and another working short distance.
Ryder lifted her shirt until she could see her tummy. Her index finger touching the red dots that the injections left. It was an odd thing to get used to.
Lexi showed her how to do it. "Don't I just inject myself," Ryder asked when Lexi wanted to show her. "Isn't it as simple as that?"
"Yes and no," Lexi answered. "I need to show you where you can inject it."
Ryder's head hurt with all this new information.
"Are you ready?" Lexi asked.
Ryder was in a medical gown. In a couple of minutes, she'll be in surgery to put the implant in so that the device can test her sugar. It wasn't a very lengthy process and afterward, her finger wouldn't be pricked anymore.
It wasn't really painful, at least not the pricking itself. They stopped with the pricking hourly. The red marks on her fingers already starting to disappear. She would like to avoid it though. The implant will make her life easier and she looked forward towards that.
"Yeah," Ryder said. "So the implant will be in my arm?"
"In your left arm, yes," Lexi confirmed, moving to her left side. "More at less here," she showed her.
"And you won't be doing the surgery?"
"No. Harry will. I will be here when you wake up."
"Alright. Let's get this over with," Ryder said as she laid back onto her bed.
After Ryder's surgery, she needed to stay overnight for observation. The next day they synced the implant to her omni-tool. Lexi and Harry ran a couple of tests and everything seemed normal.
She was back on the Tempest. They needed to stay on the Nexus for a few days longer. Ryder had an appointment with Harry in two days. It was just to make sure her insulin was working as it should and that her implant still functioned well enough.
"What's this?" Ryder asked as Suvi shoved a box in her hands.
"It's some tea," Suvi said.
Ryder knew it was meant to explain it but she was still confused. Why would Suvi give her tea?
Everybody knew about Suvi's batch of tea she had. It was special to her. It was a reminder of the place she left.
"Thank you," Ryder's voice came out too high and even to her own ears it didn't sound like she was grateful at all.
"It's supposed to be good for diabetics." Suvi's actions made more sense. "I thought maybe you could try. Maybe it'll help," she seemed unsure if it would really be the case.
Ryder got an uneasy feeling and she couldn't understand why. She knew the tea wouldn't help, it's a discussion she had with Lexi.
Products won't help. They weren't insulin, it might be good for you, yes. But it wasn't a magical cure. It wouldn't fix all her problems. It will give her supplements that are good for her body, but it wasn't a replacement. And Suvi didn't mean this as a supplement.
She knew Suvi meant well. It's what people do. They try to help and it wasn't surprising at all that Suvi wasn't the first person that tried. Ryder already lost her hope on the implant. She wouldn't dare to place hope, even a little, onto this. She couldn't offer it.
So Ryder did the one thing she thought was best here. She lied. "Thank you. I'll give it a try." Ryder also felt the need to pretend she was interested to make sure Suvi didn't catch on. "Where did you find it?"
"I didn't," Suvi admitted, "Vetra had some contacts."
Lexi's tests confirmed it. The virus attacked Ryder's pancreas.
"I'm sorry," Lexi apologized and Ryder didn't understand why she did. They talked about this before. If the tests were positive it wasn't Lexi's fault. She didn't inject her, the Archon did.
"Lexi, I told you this isn't your fault," Ryder repeated the words she said to Lexi days ago.
Ryder knew Lexi did all she could. This couldn't have been prevented by her. This was wishful thinking and she should not go on this guilt trip.
"You did all you could Dr. T'Perro," not even the AI could convince her.
Ryder wished there was something she could say but nothing came to mind. And luckily this wasn't all that occupied her mind. She and Asher agreed to meet after his therapy session, and of course, after they'd resupply the Tempest they would be off. Ryder would be back being the Pathfinder.
When Ryder arrived at her brother's bed at the med bay he wasn't there yet. He must've run late. Maybe physical therapy took longer this time.
It wasn't long before he was strolled in with a wheelchair. It took some time for him to get on the bed with Harry's help. Unlike last time Harry made his way out of the room leaving them to talk.
"You look tired," Ryder concluded when she saw her brother's wary eyes.
"Physical therapy," he explained. "You're leaving soon?"
"Yeah," she confirmed. "Early tomorrow morning."
"Where are you going?" he asked, and Ryder had no answer to give.
She was too busy to see what planet needed the Pathfinder's attention the most. There were still too many tasks that needed to be ticked off. She was planning to decide tonight while enjoying some coffee.
Just before she could answer her omni-tool pinged. She frowned as she read the message. It was from Sloane. Which was surprising because it almost sounded like she wanted Ryder's help.
"Apparently Kadara is next," she said distractingly as she exited the message.
"Isn't that the planet where the exiles are?" Asher wondered out loud.
"Yes, that's the one," she said with a sigh. Ryder had no problems with Kadara. It might not be her favourite planet but she didn't dislike being there. She just didn't like dealing with Sloane and Kadara's politics.
Ryder didn't dislike Sloane. She just didn't agree with her actions. It was wrong the way she treated her people.
Ryder couldn't help to be curious. Something big must've happened, and Ryder had too many things on her mind to think of what that something must be.
"I heard about the implants," Asher said out of the blue. Ryder had no idea where that came from.
"What the hell brought this up?" she said before she could stop herself. It wasn't that he asked but it was the way he brought up the topic. One minute they talked about where the Tempest would go and then this. It was a huge jump.
"No need to be so defensive about it," he said raising his one eyebrow. From his tone alone she could see how irritated she must've sounded. She didn't mean it like that, it just came out like that.
"I'm not," she said too fast. "It's just a big jump."
"That's because I could see your head wasn't here."
That was true. This wasn't the first time this happened. Ryder zoned out in conversations many times before. It was something that especially happened when she was too busy. Having too many things that occupied her mind.
"Work," she murmured. "Anyway, yeah there are no implants but there's nothing I can do about that."
"And that doesn't bother you?" he asked.
"No." She wasn't sure if that was entirely true. She was pretty mad when she got the news, but to be fair it wasn't something she expected. "It is what it is."
"Okay," he didn't sound very convinced, but he left the conversation there.
Asher had a lot of questions. It seemed like he was interested.
Jaal and Ryder didn't have any time to sync the implant to her omni-tool so on their way to Kadara Ryder decided to make it a priority.
She loved seeing other people working with tech it always interested her. There just wasn't enough space for it. She had other projects. Ryder did try to connect that way with her dad but that didn't really work.
Years ago Alec Ryder worked with tech. It was a hobby of him and that time Ryder tried to spend time with him that way. But she always felt in the way and not helpful. Every sigh her dad gave just told her that she irritated him and later it felt more like an obligation than anything else. Until she decided to stop trying and wasting her time.
But, maybe this could be different. She already connected with Jaal over tech. She might even learn a thing or two.
He stopped working, "Something on your mind?"
"Just thinking," Ryder gave him the half-truth. "What do you need me to do next?"