Ryder was thankful for getting any new information about the virus but somehow this wasn't enough. This was more complex than she thought it would be.

The main problem was they didn't understand 100% how this virus worked.

The virus affected each species differently and just because they got the same injection that Ryder has, it didn't mean they'll necessarily get some version of the virus. It was something in the injection that caused it.

The main problem was they didn't know exactly what that ingredient was.

"So we still have nothing," Ryder said. It wasn't a question, it was a conclusion.

"Not nothing," Lexi disagreed. "A start."

The conversation that was interrupted mere minutes ago was already forgotten. Lexi had a point. The information they got was something, but she couldn't do anything with it.

Ryder needed to know if this virus could somehow affect other organs too. She wanted to spare others this. But she couldn't do it with the information they had. She couldn't do anything with it.

"There's nothing I can do with this," Ryder said with a show of her hands. "It wasn't yesterday I had the virus." The way Ryder said this it sounded like she was talking about years not months. But this was important and she needed to do something about it. There needed to be a reason why she got it, and if she couldn't help others she got it in vain. It would mean something if she can use this for the greater good.

"It's a long process." It's all that Lexi said and it's all that she needed to say for Ryder to move on.

"Okay," Ryder agreed, but not without adding something she thought might help them. "After Meridian, I want Suvi's help on this," she stated.

Suvi did lend her help with this, and her output has helped a lot. But she couldn't give enough of her attention. They couldn't afford to. Even Ryder needed to admit that Meridian was more important than this.

It was their chance. Maybe even the only hope they have right now.

"Did you speak to her about it?" Lexi asked. Ryder expected for her to give her opinion on it, but that's not what Lexi did.

"Not yet," she admitted. "There's too much going on."

"Talk to her before you decide anything."

That ended the conversation, for now. Ryder knew she would need to come back to this.

After Jaal got the news that his siblings joined the Roekaar he wasn't his old self, and Ryder couldn't blame him. He was stressed. And where he always had a lot to talk about, right now he barely spoke a word.

Ryder wasn't good at comforting other people, so she did the next best thing. Or at least the first thing that came to mind. She made sure they were ready for the mission. She went over it with Jaal, until the plan was burned into their minds. It was as perfected as it possibly could be with the information they had in hand.

That night when she got to her desk SAM reminded her of the dozens of unread messages she had. Some of them were from Reyes. She couldn't ignore him forever, especially if she needed his help. She just needed some time before speaking to him.

That was something people didn't always get. When someone made her mad she sometimes needed some space, to think things through. She needed to know where she stood with the person. It doesn't help if that person tries contacting her over and over again. Sometimes it can only make things worse.

Another email was from Keri, asking for an interview. She heard Ryder became a diabetic and wanted to ask her a couple of questions.

At this time most people probably knew she's a diabetic. It was starting to get more public news. Which is why Keri wanted a meeting soon as possible.

It was something she and the leadership talked about. She didn't want it to be public knowledge. She didn't want to voice her reasons, but she was worried that people will look at her differently and would think she wouldn't be able to do the job.

Ryder could see it already in their eyes, the way the leadership looked at her. She hated that look. It made her want to jump outside of her skin.

The whole leadership thought it would be better if the public knew. Better to not have any surprises. And after what happened at Kadara with Erna and her people they made their final decision which meant Ryder had no say.

She had no say in what people knew about her health and she was exposed. She felt uncomfortable and naked. It's none of their business.

Why did they need to know? I could've hidden it away. It would've been better.

She also knows from experience things like this don't stay hidden for ever. One way or another it would've gone out. But having people not knowing for a little while longer would've been nice. Or at least it would've helped if the information got out on her terms.

"Pathfinder I detect high blood sugar," SAM said out of nowhere.

That made her recall her symptoms. She felt nauseous. Her mouth was dry. It felt like she hadn't drank a thing all day which was not true.

Ryder kept a bottle of water with her all day, every day. She tried to keep up with the 8 glasses a day rule, and she has already drunk the amount she needed to do. She tried to follow the rules as best as she could, but it wasn't enough.

With a sigh, she activated her omni-tool and tasked the implant to do what it was designed to do. It took mere seconds for numbers to spit up. 28.6 Blinking in red, reminding her that it was indeed very high.

Great. This is just great.

In all honesty, Ryder couldn't understand what she did wrong. She took her assigned insulin when she should. So why did it keep being high like that?

Lexi's word rang in her head. "This will take time. You need to be patient. We first need to see if this is even the correct type of insulin for you."

Alright, I just need to be patient. That's simple, right? Just trial and error.

She got her short-distance working insulin out and injected the amount she needed to. 20 Units.

"We should let Lexi look at that," Ryder eyed Jaal's new scar.

Ryder was glad they could get Jaal's siblings out of there. It was worth it. That didn't mean she was happy that Jaal got shot. She had to stop herself for not shooting Akksul before he pulled the trigger.

All of this was so unnecessary. They should've teamed up together, and fight the kett. But instead they are fighting each other, and in the end, it only makes things harder.

She heard Akksul's story. How he was captured by the kett and the Resistance couldn't have rescued him. That is horrible, and she couldn't begin to imagine what he must've been through. In a way, she understood why he formed the Roekaar. However, this didn't make it any less unnecessary.

Jaal's nod interrupted her thoughts.

"We'll talk later."

Jaal didn't need immediate medical attention but Ryder needed to think. So, she pushed him away.

The shuttle ride back was long and an uncomfortable silence hangs in the air.

When they arrived at the Tempest Ryder gave Jaal and Lexi some time before dropping by. When the doors opened she saw that Lexi was alone.

"You're finished with Jaal?" Ryder asked. She knew they were and that was why she waited this long before coming.

This was where this was headed to. She avoided Jaal.

She started to feel weird as if something wasn't right but she couldn't put her finger on it. For now, she decided to ignore it. There were some tasks at hand she needed to complete.

"Yes, I gave him something for his wound," she confirmed. Lexi stared at her for a long time. It felt too long, "Are you okay? You look white."

White as in pale. That is what Lexi meant. It took Ryder a while to consider what Lexi said and then another while for her to figure out why it took her so long.

"I…" she started but the words in her head didn't make sense. She blinked a couple of times trying to make sense of things but that didn't help either.

SAM said something and then Lexi replied but she couldn't understand what they were saying. She frowned trying to understand. Did they say I should test my sugar?

"Ryder," Lexi said slowly. "You should check your sugar."

Ryder considered it. Why was it so hard to think straight? It took her way longer to process it. Whatever this feeling was she didn't like it. Thinking isn't supposed to be so hard. "Okay," she said after what felt like a lifetime. The words tasted funny in her mouth. Shaky hands reached for her omni-tool to do something she'd done many times during these last few weeks.

It was imprinted in her head, but this time it was hard to focus. Activating her omni-tool alone took her twice as long as it usually does. When she was done the numbers flashed in blue. "2.7," Ryder was puzzled. "It doesn't make sense."

It didn't make sense in the way that it was high earlier. If she remembered correctly it was 17.8 earlier so what the hell happened? How did it get so low?

This wasn't the first time Ryder's sugar fell, but this time it was different. It was as if a shuttle went down at an enormous speed and crashed. She didn't feel the signs that her sugar was falling sooner. She felt the signs and symptoms altogether, and the feeling wasn't particularly great.

"Sit," Lexi ordered, "I'll get you something to eat."

It felt like Lexi was away for hours where she was gone for only a few minutes. Ryder felt like she could eat all the food in the galley and then some. She felt awful. Ryder tried to wait patiently, but it almost felt impossible. "You know what? I'm starting to hate you," she whispered to her pancreas.

She thought SAM would say something. Who talks to their organ? But luckily he didn't, and for that she was thankful. Ryder didn't even know why she did it, but at that moment it felt like the most natural thing in the Galaxy.

"Here you go," Lexi appeared with a steaming mug of coffee and a ration bar. "I put some sugar in your coffee. It'll help."

"Thanks," Ryder said as she accepted it. She ate the ration bar. Savouring the taste of it. Afterward, she drank the sweet coffee. Ryder couldn't believe how much she missed sugar in her coffee.

Lexi took the empty wrapper and mug from Ryder and placed it on the desk. "Let's talk."

Lexi. I don't want to talk about this, right now, she wanted to say. But Ryder knew it was best to get this out of the way. Some remnants of a low sugar were still in her system and Ryder got the feeling it'll feel like that for the next couple of hours.

"Do we have to?" It wasn't any better if she was honest with herself.

"What happened?" Lexi asked as if Ryder didn't speak.

"Do you want a report on the mission? Physically, what happened at any other mission," Ryder sounded unsure even to her own ears. Not because she was unsure over what happened at the mission, but more about what Lexi meant.

"Did you move more? Was there more action? Did you use your biotics?" Lexi ticked the questions of that was swimming around in her head. She asked them so fast that Ryder didn't have a chance to speak in between the questions.

"That's difficult to say…" Ryder said slowly. It wasn't just difficult but impossible to say. She didn't realize which missions she used more energy than on others. That wasn't the focus of it. Who did that? "Wait…" Ryder frowned. She didn't think about it before but it would make sense. Biotics eat more than others. That would also mean… "My sugar might fall because of my biotics."

"Yes, and stress," Lexi confirmed. "I'll suggest you take it mission for mission and we can adjust your insulin as needed."

"Sounds good." This was a whole new learning experience for her.

"How's the wound?" Ryder asked when Jaal looked up from his work.

He didn't shift when Ryder came in the Tech lab. Whatever he worked on had his full attention, but he didn't look startled either.

"Ryder, I was just finishing this," he explained.

Ryder didn't know if he explained it because he didn't greet her when she entered the room or if it was because they didn't talk sooner. It didn't matter to her. If anything it was her fault they didn't talk sooner.

It was only a couple of hours since they came back from the mission, but it still felt like a long time. The hours dragged on slowly. She could've talked to him after she was done at the med bay, but she felt drained. That low took all the energy she had left and all she wanted to do was to go to bed, but she knew she shouldn't. So she worked on some paperwork. She wasn't very productive but every little counts. Or at least that's what she told herself.

"It's fine," she assured him. "I can come back later."

"No," Jaal said quickly with no hint of hesitation. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

It didn't take a genius to know what Ryder wanted to talk about. It wouldn't help to just ignore it. It was what she would've done in the past. Ryder wasn't exactly sure how she felt. Was she angry? Was she upset? No, upset wasn't the right emotion.

Jaal asked her to trust him. To trust him as if he was the one holding the gun and not Akksul. As if Jaal could just magically stop the bullet. How Ryder saw things, Jaal was lucky. But how could he act as if this was nothing? As if he wasn't shot? Akksul went too far and things could've been so much worse.

"You could've died." That was probably not the right approach, Ryder thought when it was too late. She sighed, using the time to collect her thoughts. "Why would you let him shoot you? It doesn't make any sense."

"Without it-" Jaal started to say but Ryder interrupted him.

"No don't." she raised her hand, signaling Jaal to stop his argument. "You must've known the chances for something like this happen was next to zero." She referred to his newly found injury.

"If I didn't the Roekaar would've been stronger."

This annoyed Ryder. It's the excuse he used on the mission as well.

"There must've been a better option than getting shot." Ryder couldn't understand Jaal's reasonings.

"And what would you have done?" he threw the question at her. Of course, he would. He wanted to know what choice she would've done that was better than his. To understand her side of the argument.

"Not this," she said before any ideas could come to light. "I wouldn't get intentionally shot for maybe things would be different." She didn't know if that was true or not. The words slipped before she could think any better.

Jaal sighed being frustrated with this conversation. It was going nowhere, "The important thing is that I didn't get killed."

Jaal was right, and she knew it. But it still bothered her. She didn't feel any better over the situation but decide to let it go. "Next time we do things together," Ryder said. She didn't know how that would even work, but standing together could only benefit them in the end.

Ryder met Jaal's family. It was… something else. She felt out of place. Overwhelmed with how large Jaal's family was. She didn't know what she expected.

He talked about his family before so she should've expected this. For a couple of moments, she felt like she couldn't breathe. She needed out. Needed fresh air.

They were nice. They said they heard she's a diabetic, like Jaal they tasted the foreign word. It was alien to them, and why wouldn't it be?

They gave her food, said they tried to get the ones she was allowed to eat. But…unfortunately, it wasn't. Ryder couldn't tell them that even though it's possible that it doesn't contain sugar it doesn't mean she's allowed to eat it. It was still unhealthy.

So Ryder ate it. She was picky, choosing the foods that looked the healthiest. When they said she should eat some more she complimented the food but said she couldn't possibly eat anymore even if she wanted to. Which wasn't true. But she couldn't tell them the truth.

She was already going to have to pay the consequences of her actions, better to stop right now.

Not long after dinner Ryder and Jaal went to his room. They spent time together. And at that time they got to know each other even better than they have before.

Jaal showed her things he took apart to see how it works. He showed her projects. She was honoured that he would share these things with her. Then they talked about their relationship. Jaal wanted to be together… and Ryder might not have realized it with everything that was going on but she wanted that as well.

Ryder was happy they had this talk. It was important and it turned out it's what she needed. They spend the rest of the night talking about Andromeda and what the future might hold.

It was a vague future, but a future indeed.

Notes:

So, I just want to give a heads up. These last couple of months I've really struggled with my diabetics and unfortunately, it started to influence my writing. There's only one written chapter left, and I haven't even started to edit it. I hope to catch up soon, but if not I might need to stop posting for at least a couple of weeks until I wrote some new chapters.