Chapter 12: Calm

"No," Erna said when Ryder told her about getting them inside the port. "You can't trust the Collectives. Just like the Outcasts, they can't be trusted. What makes them so different?"

As soon as Ryder was able she slapped some medi-gel on her injured leg. For now it would need to be enough. Ryder will need to be checked out by Lexi soon. At least they could've stopped the bleeding.

What could Ryder say? She couldn't tell her who the Charlatan is. If people found out, then it may cause trouble for both her and Reyes. So she couldn't really give her anything. "Just try."

Both of them were distracted by Erna's daughter laughing from a distance. She ran around, having a big imagination. She was doing a lot better. Ryder couldn't help to smile at the beautiful picture that was laid before her eyes. "For her."

She narrowed her eyes at Ryder, "You said it might still take a while though?" The other woman was still not convinced.

"Yes, the Port needs work."

"How do you know so much about the Collectives?" Erna was suspicious and she had every right to be. Ryder would've felt the same if she was in her shoes.

"Keema," Ryder lied. "I'm working with her to build an Alliance between the Initiative and Kadara."

That didn't reassure the older woman at all. "You know I don't trust the Initiative either. They pulled crap at the Nexus Uprising."

"I know," Ryder said, "My hope is that we can change that and build a better future together."

"We'll see." The scepticism was sharp in her voice.

In the end, Ryder could not convince her. Erna had trouble trusting people and she didn't experience the good side of the Collectives and Outcasts. She decided to see what the actions of the Collectives are now that there were a change in leadership.

For now, they had a temporary solution. They have insulin. Ryder hoped it would be enough. In her heart, she knew there was nothing else she could do, but she couldn't help to wonder.

"Come," Erna said, "You can't drive to your ship in this state." She pointed to her leg. Every time she said ship it felt like an insult. "We'll give you a lift."

When they arrived at the Tempest Cora, Drack, and Vetra came out armed. Ready to take out the unknown shuttle.

"Nobody shoot!" Ryder called out. Her voice was firm and it held. Hands were above her head in a form of surrender. But it didn't last. With her leg not being able to carry her weight she needed her arms for support.

"Kid?" Drack questioned. He was the first one who recognized her voice.

"What's going on Ryder?" Cora yelled. The atmosphere was filled with confusion.

Vetra was the first to put her weapon back in its holster. "That's them."

"Hmmm…" Drack hummed, considering the information.

"They're allies Cora," Ryder explained.

Erna snorted, "I wouldn't go that far." Her attention was on the XO of the Tempest, "I just delivered your Pathfinder. Nomad looks pretty bad."

"Ryder…" Cora sighed in frustration. "Was this necessary?" Ryder wasn't sure what Cora meant but she was pretty sure it had to do with her going to the Badlands by herself.

Erna who wanted to do nothing with this made her exit. "Well, this was fun. Time for me to leave."

When the shuttle's thrusters fired up and Erna and her people left Cora just stared at Ryder questioningly. Still not understanding what just happened.

"Let's go inside," Ryder limped up the ramp as fast as she could."

"Sit down," Lexi ordered as Ryder got onto the uncomfortable med bay bed.

Ryder was stubborn and before she got to the med bay she removed her armor. It was with a lot of struggle and took her twice as long. Especially when it came to removing her leg piece.

When she came out of the armory Cora was standing there, her arms across her chest. She was waiting for answers.

Ryder sighed, "Walk with me."

"Do you need…" She was referring to her leg. It was bleeding again. The material getting wetter and wetter as Ryder limped further.

"Nah," she waved her offer of Cora's help with her hand. "I'm fine."

"Okay," Cora was clearly not convinced. "What happened?"

Ryder opened the door and they walked through, "I was attacked by mercenaries or something." She crinkled her nose as she thought about the fight. "And then she came."

"The people who you gave the insulin to?"

"Yeah," Ryder confirmed. "That's the short story."

"Okay." They stopped in front of the med bay. "Well," Cora said as she looked up to the door. "I'll leave you to it." She squeezed Ryder's shoulder just before she left.

"You should have come directly here." Lexi scolded. She grabbed a pair of scissors to cut a part of her pants.

"Hey!" Ryder protested. "You can't cut them."

"It's soaked in blood. If you want me to treat your injury I'm going to cut it." Lexi was stern. She had an 'I told you' face on.

"Okay," Ryder shrugged.

The only sound that was heard was Lexi's scissors. And then a sigh.

"Problem?" Ryder asked when Lexi said nothing.

"No, it's not that deep."

She didn't understand why the doctor sighed.

"But," she looked away from Ryder's wound and looked at her. "You'll need to take it easy a few days. Keep your weight off it."

"Okay, that's no problem."

There were a couple of things Ryder needed to take care of that didn't require her going into battle.

"I do hope you learned from this." Ryder was expecting Lexi to say something like this. If she took a team with her she probably wouldn't have got injured. It wasn't that big of an injury but it was one nonetheless. "You can't go on your own, especially the Badlands."

"Don't worry about it," she assured her, "I can take care of myself."

Just then the doors opened and Jaal appeared. "That looks bad?" he said as he saw her leg.

"It's fine," Ryder assured him.

Jaal looked unsure if he should stay or go.

Ryder pointed toward the chair, "Sit. I'll tell you what happened later."

"What the hell did you do to her?" Gill almost shouted as they got to the Nomad. "Just look at her," both of his hands were in his hair.

"It's not that bad," but Ryder knew her words fell on deaf ears.

"Not that…" He sighed trying to control his anger. "Let's just get her home, and I'll see what I can do."

It took some time but Gill fixed the Nomad. He did it with a lot of complaining and giving Ryder murdering looks.

The last planet that needed an outpost was Elaaden. It was a planet that Ryder avoided as long as she possibly could.

It wasn't only hot but Ryder wasn't sure how she should handle things at the Krogan colony. Drack talked to her about it.

He didn't give a lot of information and she couldn't blame him. The way the Nexus and the krogans parted wasn't exactly good. The leader of the Krogan Colony wouldn't be too happy with Ryder.

"SAM, tell Kallo to set a course to Elaaden," she ordered. Her feet made their way to the Galley. She needed to keep Drack informed of their progress.

"Ryder," Drack said when big eyes set on her. She wasn't sure where she stood with Drack, but at least there wasn't that awkwardness between them anymore. Or at least there were less of it. "Can I do anything for you?"

After the Archon's flagship things weren't exactly okay between Ryder and Drack. His eyes shot her with dangers, his gaze bored into her. She saw the hate. You made the wrong move. It's your fault that my squad suffered their fate.

Ryder tried to bring it up time and again and each time Drack said something, it turned the taste of her mouth sour. It send a dagger to her heart. Because Drack told the truth, but it was more complicated than that. There was also the side of the salarians to consider.

For so long Ryder was consumed by guilt until she realized there was no right move.

"Are things ever going to be right between the two of you?" Jaal asked after seeing another tense conversation between them.

While she and Drack talked she saw Jaal's eyes watching their body language from the corner of her eyes.

Ryder shrugged, "I don't know. There's nothing else I can do about it. If I chose differently than perhaps Kallo would've been angry at me."

"No one should choose who to sacrifice."

Jaal's words about sacrifice reminded Ryder how heavy her heart felt. Ryder tried to avoid talking about it after that. There was truly nothing she could do but wait it out. It was impossible to keep everyone happy all the time.

"Just dropping by to say we're headed to Elaaden," Ryder said as her mind was on the task at hand again.

"Alright," Drack said, "I'll be ready."

It wasn't long until it was dinner time. It was Suvi's turn. The flavours were spreading, and when Ryder was in the hallway she could smell them. It smelled rich and creamy. Her mouth watered at the smell.

"That smells great!" Ryder announced her presence.

"Ryder," the science officer was smiling, glad to see the Human Pathfinder. "I left some out before putting the sauce and other ingredients you're not allowed to eat it."

"Thanks, Suvi, I appreciated it." And Ryder meant it.

One of the Tempest's rules involved it was one person's task to make dinner. Everyone had a turn. However, when Ryder became a diabetic things got complicated. There were a couple of times that people forgot about Ryder. In those cases one of two things happened:

Either Ryder just ate the food, and saw a very disappointing Lexi as well as taking extra insulin. Or she ate something else she could find in the fridge.

Ryder didn't blame them. She knew this was something that not only affected her but other people around her as well.

"No problem." Suvi was in a wonderful mood – most times she was. She was whistling a song subconsciously. It wasn't one Ryder recognized but it spoke volume all the same. It even lightened Ryder's mood.

"How do you do it?" The words slipped out.

Suvi was deep in her thoughts. It took her a while to turn around and look to where Ryder was standing. "Do what?" She was puzzled.

"You're always happy," Ryder reminded her. "I never see you losing it, no matter how dire things are."

Over the months she saw how the events that happened angered the team. Anger was natural. Ryder experienced it too, maybe more so than she would admit.

Some hit things, others kept to themselves using the energy for work or on their duties. Except for Suvi. She was always this cheerful person. Always seeing the hope where others couldn't. And sometimes it changed the atmosphere around them.

Suvi sighed as if she needed to admit a hard truth. "I think it's important to be positive. We can't change what's happening with the Kett and everything else. So why try?" she shrugged as if it was the easiest thing in the Galaxy.

Suvi was an optimist, Ryder wasn't. It wasn't always possible to be positive. Life happens. People get angry. But some people were just better in dealing with that anger than others.

"You're right about that." There was nothing they could do about it.

Ryder walked up to the stove to see what Suvi was making, but that didn't answer her question. All she could see was brown contents in brown sauce, it might've smelled good but it looked like it could do with a bit of colour. She began to wonder if people would actually like this meal.

"What is it?" Ryder asked after she tried wrapping her mind around it and couldn't think about the possible answer.

"It's a surprise," she said with big eyes. "I know it doesn't look tasty, but I'm sure everyone will love it but…"

"It tastes better with all these ingredients I'm not allowed to eat?"

"Yeah, sorry?" Suvi said.

Ryder didn't understand why people felt the need to apologize over something they couldn't control and didn't have something physical to do with.

"It's fine," Ryder said and move to a counter where she saw a bowl with food contents. "Is this mine?"

Suvi confirmed with a nod of her head.

There was a difference between the two. Where everyone else's food looked saucy, hers looked dry and pale. Needless to say, Ryder's food looked worse. She grabbed a spoon and took a bite.

It wasn't bad, but it didn't exactly taste good either. It was as it looked, dry. It needed salt as well as flavour. Ryder began searching in the cabinets.

"What are you looking for?" Suvi asked.

"Salt, spices," she explained.

"Good idea." Suvi wasn't the best with cooking but her food wasn't bad either.

Ryder went on searching until she found what she was looking for. She got kitchen appliances and went to work with her dinner. With the things, she had she can make her food tastier. It wouldn't be as good as the crew's food, but at least it was something.

Dinner was pleasant. The Galley was filled with the sounds of the Tempest crew and the clinging of the spoons against the bowls, while they ate. Everyone was talking about Elaaden and what they might find there. All the possibilities and new adventures.

After dinner Ryder worked on her reports and focused so hard on them that she was startled when SAM spoke, "Urnot Drack is requesting access to the room."

Ryder sat back in her chair, with her movement the chair creaked. She wondered why Drack wanted to see her at this hour. Most of the crew were already asleep.

Since Ryder was on sick leave so much lately she fell behind her paperwork. She wanted to catch up as much as she possibly could. As well as finding as much information on Elaaden as possible. "Tell him to come in."

SAM's answer was the sound of the door sliding open. Drack went inside immediately. His footsteps hard on the floor.

"Drack," Ryder looked him up and down, "What can I do for you?"

"I'm surprised to see you're awake," he began, and Ryder had no idea where he was going with this. "Aren't you usually asleep by this hour?"

Ryder couldn't help to frown, she didn't know how Drack could possibly know that. Before she could ask him he spoke.

"I went here a couple of times," he started to answer the question that was on her mind. "SAM said you were asleep."

Ryder would need to talk to SAM about that. He should have at least told her about it. She had no knowledge of this. But for now, she decided to let the subject go.

"I have some work to do," Ryder said and she couldn't help to let out a huge yawn. The words on the datapad had already began to blur before her eyes.

Drack gave her a sharp look, studying her. His eyes went from her to her desk. Seeing the empty mugs. Analysing what those meant. When Ryder needed to focus she drank a lot of coffee. It was one of the first things the crew learned about her first. And unfortunately for her, every time she went to the Galley to make some she forgot her old mugs. Drack could exactly see how much coffee she had.

"Kid," Drack said after what felt like an eternity. The seriousness was sharp in his voice. "You need to go to sleep."

Two of the people that spoke most out to her were Drack and Cora. The rest will but would rather avoid it if they could. She could depend on Drack and Cora to be honest with her. Honesty was something she appreciated and valued. Not all people had the ability to be honest all the time.

"This needs to be done," she said instead. She was exhausted. But she needed to prove herself again to the leadership. Amber Ryder needed to prove she was the right person for the job and to do that she'll need to give it her best shot. She needed to give her all. This was a part of it. Staying up late. Sleepless nights didn't matter. What mattered was getting the job done.

"You should take care of yourself," the warning came from the Tempest' only krogan. She did take care of herself. These last two days her sugar was so much better. It wasn't normal yet, but at least it didn't get higher than 15. And progress was progress. There still lay a lot of work for her with her diabetes, but this was a start in the right direction. Drack wasn't done, however, "You should go to sleep kid. We'll talk tomorrow."

Ryder did have a lot that needed to be done tomorrow and she knew herself. She wanted to get done what she could do today. It was better if Drack talked to her now, otherwise, she'll just wonder all night what her krogan teammate wanted to talk to her about. And then she'll sleep even less.

"No, talk now."

There was a long moment where Drack just stared at her. His stare told her that he wouldn't budge. So she continued, "Then I'll sleep."

Silence. Drack still didn't say a word and make any move whatsoever. Not even blinking. "I promise." Ryder tried a third time.

"Okay." That did it. "I wanted to talk to you about the Krogan Colony."

That made sense. Why else would he be here? Maybe he waited until there was no one around although Ryder has been in her quarters for a couple of hours.

"That's probably a good idea." Ryder looked at the room. It was awkward, she didn't really have anywhere Drack could sit on except maybe the couch. "Sit," she pointed to the couch."

"Nah," the krogan replied, "Standing is better."

"Alright. What's going on? Are there any new developments?"

Drack spoke before about what was going on with the Krogan Colony. Tensions were high, and what Ryder heard was nothing good. He even forwarded the email that another krogan, Strux sent him. It was a transcript of an audio log.

It was understandable that the leader, Morda wouldn't be fond of the Initiative. And she had every reason with what happened between them. But judging by this alone it sounded like she was planning something, and whatever that was it didn't sound good.

But, Ryder also wanted to hear both sides. She wanted to talk to her. She'll probably hate Ryder but she could live with that.

The last thing they all needed was something that could make a bad situation even worse.

"Yeah," he said. The way he shifted uncomfortably Ryder could tell it wasn't something he wanted to admit. "Strux says things are really looking bad. We should go there as soon as possible."

Ryder agreed, she thought so too. She should've gone earlier but there was always something that happened. She didn't know how she'll convince the Krogan leader to build a colony. She knew one thing, it won't be an easy task.

"That's the plan Drack." She stood up from her chair, "Look it's probably going to be a long day tomorrow. As I promised I'll go to sleep, but you should too."

"Thanks, Ryder." And with that, he turned to leave the room. "One more thing," he stopped. "Above all else, Morda appreciates honesty."

Ryder didn't believe he would go to sleep. She knew if she was in his shoes she wouldn't. Things looked bad and in situations like these, even though it doesn't change a thing, people worry. Worry takes sleep. Fear settles in. At first just through the cracks but as the cracks spreads there is more fear. And fear made people do very stupid things.

It was a possibility that whatever Morda was planning she did out of fear.

Ryder shook her head. That was tomorrow's worries, not today, or at least in a few hours. She realized it was already way past midnight as she glanced at the time on her omni-tool. She went to her dresser to get ready for bed.

The next morning Ryder woke up with a strange headache again. It started just above her neck and spread to her temple. Her neck and shoulder blades hurt too. It felt like tiny little needles stabbing her pressure points. At first, she thought her neck and shoulder blades could be explained by sleeping in the wrong position. Although the intensity of it gave her pause.

Ryder did have the habit of sleeping on too many pillows. It happened many times before that her neck felt stiff on the one side. It usually lasted for hours. But this was different. She couldn't think of a reason, until…

Ryder sighed, "My sugar…"

She was asleep for an hour or two before she woke up. Her heart rate was faster than normal, her fingers were tingling. She couldn't keep her hands still, she felt hot and kicked the bed covers, a part of it touched the floor, but no matter how awful she felt she couldn't get out of bed. It would be easier to just lay in bed. Maybe it will go away.

Ryder didn't know how long she just laid there, looking at the ceiling. The lights were still out but her eyes were used to the dark. It felt like hours but it could just be a few minutes. She had to get up and drag her feet to the galley. She even felt worse, her tongue and mouth started to feel numb.

She took a few deep breaths, readying herself to take the first step. After a few deep breaths she sat up straight, the blood was going to her head, and she started to feel dizzy.

That was when SAM warned her about her sugar and suggested that she should test it. She didn't even think about that. She would've gone to the galley and eat all the food she could find her hands on.

"SAM, please switch the lights on."

"Switching lights on," the AI replied.

The light stabbed her eyes with its brightness, and she had to blink a couple of times to get used to it. A few days ago she decided to put her omni-tool on her bedside table. It was in case of lows she could just reach it instead of going to her desk. She grabbed her omni-tool and started to activate it.

The words swam in front of her. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't read. It took a lot of struggle but she finally succeeds.

2.1

Well, that certainly explained a lot. She used her hands as support and got out of the bed. Slowly she used the walls as support, she felt disorientated and if SAM didn't open the door for her she would've walked straight into it.

When she went to the galley she was glad to find that Drack wasn't in there. She rummaged the fridge. Looking for what she could eat. If it was eatable she ate it. At the end of it, her stomach was so full of food that she felt she was going to burst.

She was going back to her room when all of a sudden she felt the complete opposite of being hot. She was freezing and she couldn't stop shivering. It probably was the weirdest feeling she ever experienced in her life. When she sat on her bed she realized how much she ate.

Crap. That's a lot.

She didn't mean to eat so much. It was as if her brain took over. Survival kicked in. She needed to do whatever it took to survive.

It took another half an hour to fall asleep again.

Ryder rubbed her neck hoping somehow it will help. It didn't. After getting dressed she tested her sugar, which was high of course, it was expected after eating so much, and then she injected herself and got some breakfast.

After she was done she went to the med-bay. Her headache only got worse, and worse and she felt like she wouldn't survive the day without a painkiller.

"Here," Lexi gave her two white capsules.

Ryder blinked at the pills in her hand. It looked awfully like regular headache pills. "Isn't this the regular ones? Or do they all look the same?"

It happened, in the past that Liam got migraines and Ryder would sometimes come and see Lexi. She gave him some strong stuff, but Ryder doubted these white pills will do anything. It was possible that Ryder was wrong and these were strong.

"Ryder," Lexi started, and the tone that the asari doctor used told Ryder she wouldn't like where this was headed. "I can't give you that."

Ryder waited for Lexi to explain it further but when she didn't Ryder decided to ask. "Why not?" Then Ryder realized something, since the moment she became a diabetic she heard everyone saying how so many things are bad for her because of her newly diagnosed disease. She expected food, of course, but it was much more than food. "Why is it bad for me?"

"You are a diabetic." She hated it when people started with that, she already knew she was one. It's as if people thought she just forgot about it. Or it explained everything. If Lexi noticed Ryder's disgust she didn't say she went on, "And you need to take care of your organs. More so than others. These painkillers aren't good for your kidneys."

"Lexi, we don't live in the 20th century. There have been improvements in meds." Ryder knew it was useless information to Lexi. She was a doctor, she already knew all of this. But she'd hoped it would help her case.

"There is, but these meds can still have an influence. With all your injuries I don't want to give you strong pain killers at every point. If these headaches of you stop we can talk about it again, but until then…"

"Fine." Lexi didn't need to finish her sentence.

She took the pills and went to the galley to find some water for them.