Chapter 32
Your hand slipped into mine
"Haymitch? Haymitch? Haymitch?"
Her voice reached through his troubled dreams. Haymitch grunted, breathing in the sweet smell of her soap. A lock of hair tickled his neck when she dropped a kiss to his cheek.
"Wake up."
Still in the No man's land between sleep and waking, his fingers brushed against the mattress of the crib. But the little hand he'd been holding wasn't there anymore and he scooted up from the couch, alarmed.
"It's OK," Effie quickly reassured him. "I have them here." He looked behind her. At the child safety seats on the bedroom floor. The twins, all dressed, lay inside, sucking contently on their pacifiers.
Relieved he collapsed back down, face in the pillow. Arms buried underneath it.
"No, no, no," Effie smiled. "Don't go back to sleep."
She was all dolled up. A dress he hadn't seen before. Since the pregnancy she still had a few pounds to spare – pounds that only flattered her, Haymitch could have said – so most of her old dresses didn't fit no more.
Either way, ever since they came home from the hospital she wore mostly sweatpants and some of his less shabby shirts anyway.
But this one, olive green with a sweetheart neckline that tied into a bow at her bosom and silver patterns on the skirt, hugged her curves in a fucking spectacular way.
He peered at her through tousles of dirty blonde hair.
"Someplace you need to be?"
"Yes," said Effie. "We do."
"Appointment?"
"Only with the outside world."
Haymitch grunted and turned his face to the back of the couch as if she'd tried to give him a spoonful of medicine.
"Hell no. They're only three weeks old, Eff."
"Yes, and we've hardly set a foot outside the door since we brought them home. It's a gorgeous day! A little sunshine will do us all some good."
"Nope."
The couch dipped when she sat down. She gave his shoulder a soft squeeze.
"Haymitch. No one is going to hurt them. And we can't stay cooped up in here forever."
"I can." He could almost hear her smile. "How're you even gonna breastfeed in that thing?"
"Why, it's a maternity dress of course. I'll just inch it down on one side. Piece of cake, as you would say."
Haymitch rolled his eyes.
"Leave it to the Capitol to make cocktail dresses for nursing."
"Get up now," she said and clapped his shoulder. "I know a place I think they will like."
xXx
It was earlier than he thought. You could tell just by the lack of people up and about. He'd always preferred mornings. Especially here. Especially now. They were breathers for outcasts like them.
The cab rolled up to the golden gates of a place that read "The Fountains of Youth" in arched letters above the entrance. A park by the look of it, though very different from Cupid's Garden.
"You alright?" Effie asked when he winced, lifting Ian out of the car.
"Yeah," he said and set down his heavy load. He rubbed the small of his back and arched backwards with a painful grunt.
"I can take both of them," she said but he waved off her concerns.
"I'll manage."
He lifted Ian up and together they followed the white brick road into this peculiar-looking park under a clear, blue sky.
There were hardly any trees and unlike the ones in Cupid's Garden these were leaf-less with trunks and branches the color of fresh milk. Like ghost trees on a cemetery. Of course, in a cemetery the trees weren't adorned with wind chimes and shards of mirror glass, reflecting the morning light.
The tinkles moved with the wind, reminding him of stolen moments on the Training Center roof. Intermingled with the sound of running water it was a quiet place, oddly enough. Something you didn't get a lot of around here.
He'd seen fountains before but none so magnificent. Water trickled and poured and splashed from a dozen different sources. Through dragon mouths and gargoyles and horses with wings. Jets of water shot for the sky or showered stockily-built stone men, curvy women and chubby children with flowers in their hair.
The white brick road turned left and right, curled and met up like a labyrinth with no hedges. There were even topiary animals. Bunnies and panthers and elephants. Even giraffes.
"Very popular among children," Effie smiled.
They'd walked for less than ten minutes before Haymitch set Ian down again.
"OK, time-out." He heaved a sigh, hands on his knees. "That bloody couch."
"Language."
Haymitch threw her a surly glance.
"Since when's 'bloody' a bad word?"
Ian had spitted out his pacifier. Haymitch crouched before him and touched his cheek. "How you doin' kid?"
Ian yawned and smacked his lips. He placed his hand against his mouth and out, like blowing a kiss.
"He wants you, Eff."
They found a bench in the shade. He helped her with the gold-threaded shawl as she settled Ian to her breast, without anything showing.
"There you go, my precious darling," she said and kissed the baby's hand, clasped in hers. "My sweet boy. Mama's jewel."
A smile quirked Haymitch's lips. Effie never ran out of pet names for their children. He didn't know anyone who loved as hard as Effie did. To hear her tell it there wasn't anything like them in the history of the world.
Amy whined and arched backwards in the child safety seat, as if jealous by her mother's words. Haymitch peeked inside just as the pacifier dropped from her mouth.
"Go to sleep, sleepy-head."
Amy squeaked in protest. Usually after a feeding she fell into a slumber but now she wriggled like a worm in hot ashes, not happy at all about being belted down.
"Alright. Come here, little 'un."
He clicked her loose and carefully lifted her out. She fussed and flailed about, determined to stay up, but he rested her against the side of his chest, head on his shoulder.
"I know you're tired. You know you're tired. Stop resisting, sweetheart."
He dropped a butterfly kiss to her head, her temple and then back again; careful so as not to scratch the soft, tender skin. It didn't take long before she settled in, doing nothing but quietly nibble on Haymitch's shirt. He rocked her the way she liked it. She weighed like nothing. None of them did.
With one last kiss, for now anyway, he helped her back into the child safety seat. Her eyelids fluttered open, suspiciously, but then they fell together and she was out, like a rock. Wouldn't last very long but he took what he could get.
He stretched back, arms out. Arched his head to the sides and spotted the red umbrellas of a street cart, further up the road. He couldn't quite tell what kind, not from this distance but his money would be on pastries.
"You want something, Eff?"
She looked to where he nodded and her face brightened.
"Yes! A Snoball, if they have any."
He rose.
He hated coconut. Not the taste. Consistency. It was yet another thing he and Effie couldn't agree on.
"What can I get you, sir?" said the man behind the cart. He had a large mustache, the color of egg yolk. Before him lay rows of frosted cookies, glazed donuts, chocolate marshmallow tea cakes, something called éclairs though he wasn't sure and ten other things he didn't even have a name for.
"Do you have Twinkies, by any chance?"
It was Effie who first introduced him to the golden sponge cake filled with cream. A peace offering after a particularly nasty argument and it was love at first sight. It became one of both his and Chaff's favorite Capitol pastries.
"Oh, thank you," said Effie a moment later when he handed her the Snoball. She nibbled on it, relished in the taste.
They heard talking and giggles further ahead and Haymitch looked up just in time to see three ladies with sun umbrellas – one white, one pink one blue – heading down their path. It wasn't until they were almost past them that they looked up and saw Effie there, feeding her child. The lady with the white umbrella gasped, hand over her heart.
"Scandal!"
And they hurried past, speaking in agitated bursts to one another.
Haymitch finished his Twinkie in two bites and peered at Effie. He'd be damned if there wasn't a smile on her face, satisfied over sending those two-faced hypocrites into a state. His chest swelled with pride, over the way she never apologized for her children. Or herself for that matter.
He wiped his hands on his pants and when Ian had had his fill he reached his arms out to his son.
"Here, let me take him."
He placed him to his left side just like he had Amy. Effie helped him with the burp cloth. Holding him in place he tapped him gently over the back.
The first few days after they came home from the hospital Effie got to do all the things that included holding Amy and Ian in some way. Whether it was changing a diaper or feeding them or just give them a cuddle.
Just the idea of carrying them made him break into a sweat. He did other things. He cooked and bought groceries, made the beds, warmed Effie endless cups of chicken broth and even gave the house a throughout cleaning. All the things you could think of that didn't include a baby.
Effie never pressured him. And she did her best to care for them both.
But then one night, about three days later, Amy and Ian were completely inconsolable at the same time. It was long past midnight and Effie walked back and forth across the room with Ian in her arms, rocking him at the same time as she spoke soft words to Amy crying her eyes out in the crib.
Haymitch sat by their baby girl, helplessly patting her and talking to her but nothing worked. Her face was red and there were tears on her cheeks and finally he couldn't take it anymore.
Those cries made him feel physically ill. Truly. Sounds like she was all alone in the world and didn't understand why. The nurse had shown both him and Effie how to hold an infant and with sweat rolling down his back he finally lifted his crying baby out of her crib and held her to his chest. He looked to Effie for reassurance and she nodded encouragingly.
Amy cried and cried and he sat on the bed, frozen like a statue, just making sure not to clutch her too tight. He didn't dare move or rock her or anything, not that night. Just wanted her to know she wasn't alone.
"Try talking to her," said Effie and so he did. Afterwards he couldn't even remember what, he hardly ever did after being in a state of panic. But whatever it was, it worked. She calmed down and he even dared move his hand a bit, up and down her back, caressing her.
He still wasn't quite used to the whole thing. Not yet.
"I was the same way," said Effie, hours later that night when they finally put Amy and Ian to bed. "With Alex. It will get easier."
Thank God, he had Effie. She was his rock through all of this.
"How is he?" asked Effie and swallowed the last of her Snoball.
"He's OK. Sleeping I think."
Effie smiled.
"Enjoy it while it lasts."
They helped him back into the child safety seat and had no sooner belted him down before another trio crossed their path.
He hadn't seen them since the birthday party when Gloria showed up. Felt like a hundred years now. Dressed in brand new outfits, following the latest trend, and there was no missing the orange corkscrew curls, gold tattoos and pea green skin.
Odd to see them up this early in the day. Maybe they hadn't gone to sleep yet. Arm-in-arm they headed down the road, chatting and waving their hands in the air.
But the smiles drained from their faces when they saw Haymitch and Effie sitting there. Octavia's gaze dropped to the child safety seats and her face turned a deeper shade of green. All three of them huddled together, like lost cheep. Then they hurried on without a word, eyes downcast.
"Them too?" Haymitch said when they were gone. He was surprised by how painful the realization was. He always viewed them and Effie as good friends.
"Yes," said Effie with a tight face and all of her gaiety gone. What the stranger ladies couldn't accomplish, Katniss's prep team sure had.
"Want me to talk to them?"
"No, I can't handle that right now. Not during Amy and Ian's first day out."
But as they headed on to the next leg of their leisurely journey she seemed unable to keep away from the subject.
"I've already tried talking to them. About this issue and how it's affecting people like Lysistrata Vicker's grandson and his wife. Many times. I don't know who's pouring poison into their ears but when my pregnancy happened they just… They couldn't handle it. I never tried to hide it so everyone noticed very early on. And one day Octavia wanted us to meet up and she cried her eyes out and said we couldn't be friends anymore. Venia could hardly even look at me and always changed the subject if I tried to talk about it. Flavius just ghosted me."
She switched hands, carrying Ian on her left side.
"We need someone like Cinna." Her voice brimmed with sorrow. "He always knew how to get through to them."
xXx
"Time for bed, sweetling," Effie said and kissed their daughter's head. "Amy baby. My little angel."
Carefully she lay her down in the crib next to her brother and with the bear book in hand she reclined in the rocking chair.
Haymitch stretched out on the couch. Pain shot up his back as he tried to find a comfortable position on this goddamn rock hard furniture. Finally he sighed and just slipped his hand in between the rails of the crib, searching until one of theirs closed around his thumb.
Such a strong grip for someone so small.
Holding their hands helped him sleep. Worked even better than the knife. Especially after a nightmare.
He saw the irony. In a normal household, kids went to their parents' room when they had bad dreams. Not the other way around.
He closed his eyes, listening to Effie as she read in that soft, warm voice he loved.
"'Can't you sleep, Little Bear', yawned Big Bear, putting down his bear book with just four pages to go to the interesting part and padding over to the bed.
'I'm scared', said Little Bear.
'Why are you scared, Little Bear?' asked Big Bear.
'I don't like the dark', said Little Bear.
'What dark?' asked Big Bear.
'The dark all around us,' said Little Bear."
When they came home from the hospital, the twins moved into Effie's room immediately. Haymitch was to keep to his own room with one of the baby monitors on the nightstand, so he'd know when they needed him.
What he didn't anticipate was how much he needed them. If they were too quiet for too long he couldn't concentrate, much less sleep. He actually preferred it when they were noisy because then at least he knew they were still alive. The first week he hauled himself out of bed every half hour or so to make sure they were still breathing.
Finally he and Effie came up with this couch arrangement because even though he tried to be quiet he managed to wake Effie almost every time.
'But I brought you a lantern,' said Big Bear.
'Only a teeny-weeny one,' said Little Bear. 'And there's lots of dark.'
"Big Bear looked and he saw that Little Bear was quite right. There was still lots of dark. So Big Bear went to the lantern cupboard and took out a bigger lantern. Big Bear lit the lantern and put it beside the other one."
xXx
They undressed in the dark, both too used to it by now they didn't feel embarrassed. These past few weeks he'd seen so much of Effie's breasts it was getting old.
By the time she slipped into bed he was still trying to get out of his pants, face scrunched up in pain.
Effie smiled and shook her head.
"If your back hurts so then why don't you come to bed? It's big enough for the both of us. What?" she smiled when he hesitated. "Afraid I'll steal your virtue?"
She puffed up the pillows and lay down.
"I thought tomorrow we could go for a picnic. The river Theseus, perhaps. What do you think?"
"Sure. Whatever."
Relenting, he crawled in with her. At the end of the day the queen-sized bed was just too good to resist. It was pure heaven after weeks on the hard couch.
Effie smiled, facing him. Hand on the pillow.
"Have a nice 10 minutes of sleep, dear."
"Yeah. Here's hoping."
xXx
What a good dream.
Eyes still closed, he buried his hand in her fragrant strawberry hair. Warm and sleep-soft, her lips moved over his. Haymitch groaned and opened his mouth to welcome her. Cuddled together they kissed and kissed and it was such bliss. No woman outside his dreams ever kissed him in such a way. Like he was a keeper.
Not anymore.
He gave in. She wasn't really there, after all. Hadn't been since they made love that one time all those months ago. She deepened the kiss, so willing despite his endless drunken crusades. Of course she was, this was his dream after all.
Oh, Eff.
As they kissed, tendrils of reality tugged at him. He fought it with everything he had, sure to wake up facing nothing but the wall.
She didn't disappear. The more he returned to himself, the realer she got. With an almighty effort he forced his eyes opened.
Hers were still closed. Her hand cupped his cheek, trying to pull him nearer.
"Effs, what're you doin'?"
She didn't respond. Didn't seem to hear at all.
She's dreaming too.
She searched his mouth, sighed his name with such want and it took everything he had to pull back.
"Effie, no." He clasped her hands with both of his when she tried to close the gap between them. Knew she wouldn't be doing this if she was lucid. "Just sleep, Eff. It's OK."
She abandoned her efforts and for a moment she lay still. He released her hands and pulled the cover back over her shoulder. Smoothed a lock of hair from her face. A shadow passed over it and he saw her eyes flutter behind closed eyelids.
"Where are my babies?" she murmured, distraught.
"Sleeping like angels," he said. "At least, for the next five minutes or so."
Comforted by these words Effie gave a tremendous sigh and cuddled close. Before he knew it, her head was on his shoulder, her arm slung across his chest.
He tried to put some distance between them but it was futile. Every time he tried to get away, Effie clutched him tighter.
"No," she mumbled into his neck. "Mine."
He snorted a laugh. Realized this was a fight he could not win. He eased his arm loose from under her and wrapped it around her shoulder.
"Goodnight, sweetheart."
Author's note: Think this is the closest I'll ever get to writing the trope "There's only one bed" LMAO! I hope you liked the little Zombieland Easter egg. Leave a review and tell me your favorite scene and I'll see you in the next chapter!