Chapter 52, Whispered sweet nothings
"Octavia, Flavius and Venia thinks we're a couple of idiots for not having sex all this time."
Effie burrowed into the blankets of her soft, warm bed. So grateful she needn't be out there. In the cold and dark.
"Yeah, well", Haymitch muttered over the phone. "That makes four of us."
"You really miss it that much?"
"Every day. It's the only way to stay fuckin' warm this time of year."
"True", sighed Effie, glancing out the window. "You can hardly see the moon anymore."
But logs crackled on Haymitch's hearth too. The sound comforted her. He always built up a fire before joining them on the screen. "So you won't piss and moan the whole time", he said and he was right. She could not concentrate for even a second if his house was cold and dank. Didn't matter if she wasn't there to feel it. Knowing was enough.
But now he was toasty warm. And so was she. Not from the same fire or the same bed or even the same house, but still. That and Haymitch's steady voice in her ear, painted her cheeks red.
"You flush at the drop of a hat, sweetheart", Haymitch once teased her. This was before the children were born, or conceived. "It's hella fascinatin", he said as he pulled off his final sock and climbed into bed with her. "All I need to do is this", and he gave her cheek a light pinch. He chuckled by how fast blood rose to the surface. The silent giggles tickled her when he nuzzled her cheek. Nuzzled and kissed it. Followed, of course, by a quick lick. "Yum!"
"Eew!" Effie made a show of wiping her cheek, but she was laughing too. "What are you, a vampire?"
"Well, I'll suck you hard if you ask nicely? At least we know you're human, and not a shark or a robot or something."
"Oh, you ever doubted it?"
"Well …"
"You silly man … come here." And she pulled him in for a kiss. A proper one, on the lips this time. "Let me show you just how warm-blooded I really am."
"We were great in bed, weren't we?" Effie spoke into the phone, an odd sense of longing in her voice. I just wish it lasted longer than a few short months, she thought but didn't say.
Haymitch snorted.
"You were great maybe. I was passable at best."
"Flavius wants details, you know", Effie said, suppressing a smile. "About your love-making skills. He asked me to rate you."
"And? Watcha tell him?"
"Nothing!" Effie laughed. "What? You want a rave?"
"Well, one star's better than zero, right? A solid two's gonna need some references. On the dating profile, I mean."
Effie rolled her eyes.
"You're not getting one and you're no two. I'd never sleep with a two, don't insult me! If you were bad in bed, Haymitch my dear, we would never have happened. I would have stopped you mid-act, no matter how much you begged me. I don't do pity sex."
"Bed? What bed? There was no bed involved the first time we fucked."
"I know!" Effie groaned and covered her eyes with her free hand. "God … I still can't believe we got away with that one. It was so inappropriate! And what we did at the Hob … ugh!"
"I don't remember you complaining", said Haymitch, amused.
"I'm obviously talking about Katniss and Peeta! We scarred them for life! No one wants to watch their sort of parents have sex!"
"Well, if it makes you feel better, they've already gotten back at me the same way. Ten times more naked. Fuck, that'll teach a man how to knock, right?"
"Just for the record" Effie went on. "You and me … we wouldn't have gone all the way in that tiny restroom."
"You told me to fuck ya."
"I told you to sleep with me and still … Remember, I wasn't on birth control at the time …"
"I didn't know that."
"But I did! And with all those people out there … no, no, absolutely not! We would have seen reason in time, even if they hadn't barged in on us."
"Wanna put some money on it, sweetheart?"
"Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it."
"Lack of birth control didn't stop ya out in those woods now, did it?"
"Don't remind me. Please."
"Yeah", said Haymitch and scratched his beard, "given our crappy track record, I'm surprised we don't have more than two kids. But it wouldn't be the first time you did something risky, eh? Didn't you like, loose your virginity to the chimneysweep on a roof?"
"He was the chimneysweep's son", Effie corrected him, "and so what if I did?"
"Well … imagine if Katniss and Peeta knew that lil' piece of info about their prim and proper escort?"
Effie sucked in a breath.
"Don't you dare, Abernathy! If you tell them that, I'll tell them how much you love being the little spoon!"
"I'd say they already suspect it, sweetheart. Well … not Katniss. She's probably not yet figured out that I like ya."
"Oooh", Effie said, "so you like me now, huh?"
"Course I do, stupid. I'm old fashioned like that. Rule number one: Never fuck someone you hate. Rule number two: Never get someone you hate, pregnant either."
"What does that even mean?" Effie rolled her eyes and yet she grinned. "Am I supposed to feel … what? Special? Flattered? Honored that you chose me as the sacred vessel for your offspring? That you wouldn't go bareback with just anybody?"
"Well, I wouldn't use the word 'chose' but … yeah, I'd say that's pretty accurate."
"You are so ridiculous, do you know that?" And she was ridiculous too, for feeling a fleeting, pleasant little pinch in the pit of her tummy. "Well, at least I was a ten out of ten in those woods, right? Remember the last time we made love?" She chuckled. "My hair all disheveled. Ruddy. Sweaty. Belly out to here …"
"You were the most beautiful thing I ever saw."
His words, the sudden seriousness behind them, startled the smile right off Effie's face.
"Oh …"
"I know you didn't feel it", he went on, "but you were so gorgeous. You're always gorgeous."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
A long pause.
Effie's eyes drifted to the nightstand. Beyond Octavia's hairpins. The flickering candle. She plucked the framed photo with a small sigh. Gazed at their three faces.
She remembered that day. District 12. A clear and sunny morning, right after breakfast. Haymitch sat curled up in an armchair with Amy and Ian, reading them one of their favorite books. The twins couldn't be more than five or six months old. Still dressed in their pyjamas they cuddled up to daddy who wore a fresh undershirt for once and the same washed-out sweatpants he always slept in.
Getting good pictures of Haymitch was a pain. He almost always scowled as soon as there was a camera around. And he wasn't exactly the kind of guy you could sneak up on.
But this one turned out quite nicely. A glint of sun in his hair. A calm in his gray eyes, trained on the words on the page. She even caught him with a hint of a smile.
Maybe he realized she needed some memories to hold on to. Shrivels of normalcy, if you will. Something sorely lacking in their family.
Watching photos like this, she could almost pretend the four of them lead an ordinary life. One never fractured by the Games. Just a regular, normal, uneventful life that didn't drive you to drink.
"Where did you go, sweetheart?" asked Haymitch softly.
"Oh …" Fresh tears pooled in Effie's eyes, but for a completely different reason this time. She brushed her thumb against Haymitch's cheek in the picture and returned the framed photo to the nightstand. "I just … really miss you. I slept so much better with you in my bed."
"Yeah … I miss you too, sweetheart", Haymitch said. "Well, not the elbowing and kicking and flailing all around. That I can do without. Fuck … can't believe I still managed to father two children, what with you sucker punching me in the balls all the time. But I guess your eggs are just as single-minded as the rest of ya. My swimmers didn't stand a chance, huddled together in a corner. Trembling."
An obvious set up. A gesture toward the safer ground of teasing.
And she should take it. She wanted to. Wanted to want it.
But the tears tilted down her temples all the same, as more memories floated into her mind. Fragile, delicate, warm ones. Just like those paper lanterns she lit as a child on New Year's. "Sky candles" mother called them. Here one moment, gone the next. Blinking stars in a sky without stars.
Haymitch, by the stove. Stirring a pot of soup.
Haymitch at the bakery, tending to customers and teasing Katniss for just sitting there eating cheese buns while he did honest labor.
Haymitch in the backyard, with a plump twin seated comfortably in the crock of his elbow – sometimes Amy, sometimes Ian – while feeding the geese with his one free hand.
Haymitch on the couch, pulling her, Effie, onto his lap. His lips tracing the freckles of her arm and shoulder. Counting them out loud with kisses.
Her sweet, kind, amazing man.
Effie's nightgown had already inched halfway up her tummy during their conversation. Now, her hand that wasn't holding a phone, slipped inside the fabric. Moved across her skin, almost by itself, until it cupped around the swell of her breast.
She shouldn't, but she couldn't help it.
The pink peak hardened almost instantly. The sensation prickled her skin and it wasn't really her touch, in was Haymitch's.
Don't, her brain tried to object, but that wise and sensible part of her – who cared about consequences and boundaries – only grew quieter and quieter as she moved her hand downward, in between her legs. She closed her eyes and it was gone.
Completely won over.
Effie grazed over that swollen, erect bud and she sighed in pleasure. Just one word.
"Sweetheart …"
It was very quiet on the other end.
"Eff …", Haymitch finally spoke, voice thick with emotion. "Are you … touching yourself right now?"
Shame flooded Effie's cheeks. Shame. Desire. Everything, all at once.
"I'm sorry", she whispered.
This was her cue. The moment when she was supposed to remove her fingers from herself, tell him goodnight and go take a shower.
She willed it. Willed herself. Instead, she only added more pressure. Moved her fingers – Haymitch's fingers – up and down and deeper within herself. Delicious strokes that made her shudder all over.
"Must I stop?" Her breathing was growing more and more labored. "Tell me to stop and I'll … stop."
Nothing. For what felt like an eternity. Nothing but his breathing on the phone.
But just as she was about to heed a wordless "stop", another sound filled her ear. Metal against metal. A clicking noise that could only mean one thing.
An unsteady hand, struggling with the buckle of a belt.
A smile spread over Effie's lips, but it soon melted as Haymitch's soft groans joined hers.
"Tell me what you're doing", she begged.
"Reckon that's pretty obvious, princess", Haymitch murmured.
"Tell me anyway."
"I'm jerkin' off. Thinkin' of you."
"And what exactly would you do to me? If you had me in your bed, right now?"
"Why don't you paint me a picture, sweetheart?"
Effie gave a low chuckle.
"Alright. I'd pull you on top of me. I would shed all your clothes … with my hands and my mouth. I would kiss you … taste you …"
"And?"
"And I … I …"
"Say it."
Effie flashed her teeth in a smile. Covered her eyes and said,
"I'd fuck your brains out … until you didn't know which end was up!"
It wasn't the first time they had phone sex, but it was the most intense. And Effie, she couldn't remember ever reaching hers that fast. Even Haymitch, who wasn't exactly known for his endurance, had to tug on her reins.
"Hold on. Don't come already, sweetheart. Wait for me."
"Then hurry!" Effie whined. She stilled her hand but even then she had to pinch herself – literally pinch her good parts! – to keep from climaxing even without friction.
"The kids can't hear us, right?" Haymitch panted.
"No, no, they're asleep. Several doors down. As long as you don't holler your arrival."
Which made it ironic that when the moment came, when the building pleasure finally exploded into stars and galaxies, Effie was the one who needed to clamp a hand down lest she screamed it out, just like she did in those woods.
Her Big Bang triggered his, like so many times before. Not through curses or shouts but oh my God! How she loved those labored short-breaths finally erupting into a loud, drawn-out shameless groan when he spilled over. Just hearing how much he enjoyed himself, enjoyed himself to the full, made her head spin.
Afterward, they just lay there panting. Both in their own bed and yet never closer. Not since Eleven.
As the sweat cooled, Effie waited for the embarrassment to kick in. The self-consciousness. The remorse, for going all the way with him – again – when they weren't even together anymore. Well … not technically.
But how could you possibly regret something when it felt so good?
Haymitch spoke up first.
"Just look at this mess …"
"What?" asked Effie, out of breath.
"My bed", said Haymitch, disgruntled. "I haven't nutted in like forever. The amount of cum just now … fucking ridiculous."
"Oh, that's hot."
"It's sticky, is what it is. I just changed these sheets."
"When?"
"Two-three months ago. Give or take."
"Eew!" Effie laughed. "Well, now you've got the perfect excuse to go re-do it."
"Great. More work. Thanks, Eff."
"Poor Haymitch." Effie put in her best effort to contain the rest of her giggles but no one could say she did a very good job. "Next time just remember to keep a sock by the phone."
It wasn't until later, when she blew out the candle and lay there in the dark, alone with her thoughts, that she fully realized what she said.
Next time.