Chapter 14 - To Turn Around (1:10)

Author's Note: We're gonna try to go back to weekly releases. Hopefully. :)

~ Amina Gila

"Vision?" She's being careful at least, cautious, and keeping her distance. That's a good thing. She's not going to leave me alone until I talk, which I don't wanna do. I did too much of that already, thanks.

I don't say anything, but she steps inside, sitting down beside me. It almost reminds me of how she approached Crosshair back in on Kamino. She touches my shoulder, gentle and soft and warm.

I nearly killed her.

I inhale shakily with a shuddering near-sob.

"It wasn't your fault," she tells me gently.

I shake my head, hissing. "Don't say that. It – it could've been. I would – I –" The tears start coming now, and I blink against it, trying to calm. Hunter taught me how to keep calm, how to focus on breathing instead of the... things I See around me. He has to do it to deal with his senses, and he taught me to do the same to try controlling my Sight. I can't do that right now, though.

"It's okay," she repeats, "I knew it wasn't you."

"We could've killed each other!" I burst out finally, "How doesn't that – it –"

She stays, calm and steady, despite the fear I saw in her not long ago. She's putting it aside for me, and that's wrong. It's – she's not supposed to do that.

"I could hurt any of you, and I'd do it because I wanted to." They can say what they may, and I believe Tech, but I also kind of... don't. I can't. They don't understand. "If I could do this, what else could I do?"

"Viz," 'mega says, gentle and firm in a way that reminds me disturbingly of Hunter. "I trust you."

"And maybe you shouldn't!" I want to scream. I don't know how to – to deal with this. "I don't even know who I am," I hiss, struggling to hold back tears.

"I do." The calm, levelness in her tone makes me look at her. Her eyes are as soft and adoring as they always are. "You're my sister."

She says it like it's so simple, but it's not. "I'm not like you, Omega. I never have been." I bite my lip, forcing a shaky inhale. "I – I'm different." I'm nothing, no one, and just once, I'd like to feel like I mattered.

Like I...

I have Omega and I know she cares, and that should be enough, but here's something missing that nothing can fill. Except our family finally being together for the first time.

I wish I could believe her, that I mean something because she is, that I... am what she is, but I'm not. I'm special in a way I don't want to be, even if it's what I am. Seeing can help, but it's exhausting. And I don't mind being weird, but sometimes...

I just feel so alone. The only other person who understood my abilities to a point was Anakin Skywalker, and I have no idea what happened to him. I Saw that bright fire once, and I want it again.

"I'm supposed to help," I continue, "I should've seen, stopped it, but I – I –"

"I'm back now," she attempts reassuring, "That's all that matters."

"We shouldn't've been apart in the first place." Probably wouldn't have been, if I hadn't asked Hunter to promise to choose her over me, if I hadn't been too afraid to stay with her throughout everything on Bracca. "We need to stick together."

"Yeah," she agrees quietly, "Nothing goes well when we're apart." She hooks an arm over my shoulders, pulling me into a hug, and I can't resist leaning into it a little, pressing my face to her neck and squeezing my eyes shut.

I have to protect her, to keep her safe. Hutner nearly died doing it, and I'd do the same. Omega is special, different, and she's more than a soldier. She is everything we aren't, and never will be. Maybe what we don't want to be.

"Okay," I whisper, "We'll stick together. Always and forever."

"Forever and always," Omega echoes, pulling back to kiss my forehead. I let out a half-giggle, half-sob at the intentional reverse of my words.

Don't, a voice whispers. Don't make a promise you can't keep.

I know that, but I'll do it, anyway. I'll try. That's what has to count, isn't it? I'll keep her safe, or die trying.

Omega presses our foreheads together, and I cling closer, desperate to be held. I need her, even now, and I don't think it'll ever change. It shouldn't, either.

**w**

Hunter does, in fact, eventually go to sleep. Tech insists he's healed enough that he can take the bandages off, no matter how stupid an idea I think that is.

We're heading back for Ord Mantell now, and we drop by to get another carton of Mantell Mix – Hunter insists we share for money reasons, and I don't like it, but hey, it's... not that important.

Wrecker is carrying both of us, and Omega's passing Mantell Mix to both of us.

Okay, technically, she's feeding it to Wrecker, which looks rather ridiculous, but she's the only person who was able to make him hold still long enough to feed him when he was a baby, so it's not weird.

It's nice to be back here, finally. It's not exactly home, but I still feel at home here.

Except, the last time we were here, it was before I... yeah. Before Bracca.

I still remember shooting at him, and my bow is still propped up against the wall in our room where I don't want to look at it. "Y'know," I say, "I know we didn't have much choice, but I still feel bad for shooting at you."

He laughs, and it eases something inside me a bit. "You're aim was good."

How can he joke about that? I opt to take the levity for granted and grin back. "Yep."

Hunter helps us down when we reach Cid's parlor, and it feels like we do this half as an excuse to get close to him.

Echo thinks Mantell Mix smells too weird to try, which I am so offended about, but I think he can only eat half of what normal people do, so I let it pass.

Cid is ranting about another mission, but I'm not really following the details. Something about rescuing some Separatists, and Hutner flat-out refuses until she starts griping about debts again. Honestly. She's so grumpy.

Hunter steps aside to talk to her quietly, and I try not to listen too hard. It's Hunter, and I trust him. There's nothing I need to be worried about. Doesn't stop me from being curious, though. Always am when I know I shouldn't be.

I think I hear both my and Omega's names mentioned, and I stare harder. Wrecker and Echo are bickering about something stupid in the background.

Cid is just being, well, Cid, but that doesn't mean I appreciate it anymore when she shoves Hunter. It's not hard, and he doesn't even blink about it, and that's half of what makes me so angry.

He was just shot and there's no way that didn't hurt. It had to have – it hurt when Omega hugged him earlier.

I dart forwards, anger spiking, but Hunter's already stepping back. Hunter finally moves away from Cid and crouches in front of Omega and me. "Ready when you are, Seargeant," Omega says cheerfully, saluting.

"Vision, can I have a word?" he queries.

"That sounds ominous," I deadpan, stepping closer. "What's wrong?"

"I was gonna ask you if something was," he replies, "Raxus will be swarming with Imperials. It's... too dangerous for you and Omega. We're not taking you there." Omega looks stung, and I hate seeing her so let down. "You're not coming on this," he continues, "I wanted to ask if you think you'll be safe here."

"You're..." I don't understand. "Gonna leave us here?"

"It'll answer whether we take the mission or not," he replies, touching my shoulder.

I close my eyes, reaching out. His touch gives me something to focus on, to ground myself with. I'm worried, for a countless list of reasons – primarily, that I've never been without them since Kamino, and I can't imagine that. I don't want to be without them. I'm terrified of being left alone, of something happening and one of us getting hurt.

I see bits and flashes of Omega and me, but nothing bad. "We'll be fine," I tell him, biting my lip, even if I don't want to. He deserves an honest answer. Doesn't mean I like the thought of him going somewhere so soon, though. He was hurt, and I can't get it out of my head.

Hunter nods. "Alright. You'll stay here with Cid."

"But we're part of the squad, too!" Omega argues.

"Then following orders shouldn't be a problem," he replies, pulling off his sergeant's voice now, which – well, it's the only way to make us listen. I understand how dangerous this is, and we came so close to losing Omega. I don't like it, but I get it, and I'm not going to argue, even if I don't like it. "Stay close to Cid and don't leave this parlor. Got it, soldiers?"

Good soldiers follow – shut up.

"Sir, yes, sir," I snip, saluting dramatically.

Omega huffs out a frustrated sigh. "Yes, sir."

Hunter nods, smiling faintly before standing and moving for the door. Wrecker pats Omega's shoulder as he passes, and we watch them leave.

They'll be back soon. They'll be fine. I know that, but I'm still worried. I've dealt with this before, though. Omega... hasn't. She doesn't know what it's like for them to be away, to be constantly worried about them and not knowing if they'll come back alright.

"Hey, tinies," Cid says, stepping forwards and throwing brushes at us. "I got a mission for you. Now get scrubbing."

**w**

Don't think Omega's ever scrubbed anything in her entire life. She's a lab assistant not a cleaning droid, thank you, Cid, but I'm just gonna hope our usefulness here will make her be less grumpy. Or pay us. Or – or something. We still owe her.

Omega's scrubbing in slow motion, looking downright miserable, and I – yeah. I've been there before. Hence, drawing hearts all over Crosshair's bunk. I wonder if he's even seen them, if he ever thinks about... us.

"Enough with the moping around," Cid gripes, coming over to us, "You're bringing the mood down around here."

"So-rry," Omega snaps back very insincerely. She's not usually a grumpy drama-queen like I am, and it's unreasonably amusing when she is.

"Alright, I'll bite," Cid huffs.

"Please don't. Your teeth look very sharp," I deadpan.

"What's wrong with you?" she continues, as usual, ignoring me completely.

I jump down from the bench I've been slouching on, shoving the brush-thingy away. I don't wanna do this – we're soldiers, and there are things I'm actually good at, thank you very much. Not feeling particularly helpful, either.

"We haven't heard back from them yet. Do you think they're okay?" Omega asks.

"They better be for what this job's paying."

"Do you ever care about people?" I query, glaring up at her. It's my brothers she's talking about, and I don't appreciate the attitude. "Or anything other than just money?"

"What's the point?"

"I don't know. Maybe not to be an isolated, grumpy crab your entire life." I know I don't have to be so nasty. No one needs to tell me that, but I just. Don't like her. Don't trust her, anyway, and I don't trust anyone. Don't have much reason to.

"We should've gone with them on the mission," Omega snaps, shoving the brush away hard enough that it thumps into the wall edge, and crossing her arms. "It's not fair."

"I've got news for you, kid," Cid scolds, "Life ain't fair. You don't like it? Stop pouting and do something about it. Maybe if you weren't so helpless, those four laser brains wouldn't have left you here with me."

Omega glares, swinging herself off the bench and stalking across the room, probably in an effort to hide the tears I see filling her eyes.

And that just about does it for me. "She's not helpless, you moron!" I yell. "That doesn't mean she's been trained for being a soldier like the rest of us! It's not her fault she got kidnapped. It's not her fault Hunter got shot. So stop acting like it!" I shove at her, much the same way she shoved Hunter around earlier – yeah, that's outta spite, too – and I'm tiny enough that it's absolutely pointless, and I can feel her scales clearly enough for it to be creepy, and I stalk off after Omega.

I want to scream. Or cry. Or something.

I just want everyone to stop hurting my family.

I wish Crosshair was here. He was good at verbal attacks. I'm not. I can ramble for hours, but I can't understand a thing about emotional anything enough to – yeah. That. The – what he does.

He was good at everything he did.

I am not.

I miss Hunter. And Wrecker. And Echo. Even Tech. Oh, and Gonky, too. And Lula obviously. And – I just want them to be back already. I don't want to be stuck with Cid alone. I don't – she's mean.

Like me.

I nearly killed Omega, and I can't just let people hurt her. Not after I did it so much myself. I can't understand why this keeps happening. It was hard on Kamino, but we were together, and it actually seemed... bearable back then.

"'mega?" I ask tentatively, approaching her. I don't even know what to say. I've never seen anyone insult her before. My brothers, yeah, but not 'mega. She never had to deal with the regs and everything that came with it.

Crosshair would verbally rip apart anyone who went after them, even if it was worth paying attention to, and Wrecker would do it physically. That's what I'm used to, not it being me against everyone else.

Nala Se never... I didn't like her very much, but she was never unkind to either of us. Not really. In her own way, but she was so... gentle, I guess. I'm not used to this life, either. Maybe I'm used to it being just me and Omega, but it hasn't been for years, and I don't know how to... handle that a second time.

She doesn't say anything, and I can't help remembering seeing her cry in Bracca, seeing the terrified look on her face as I was about to shoot her. Is she angry about that? I know she said she wasn't, but some things are hard to forget. I can't forget how Crosshair was about to kill us, either, even if I know it wasn't his fault.

I wrap an arm around her, climbing onto the bench she's sitting on, facing the wall. She leans into it, and... we just sit there.

The silence drags on, and I have no idea how long it is before I find it frustratingly unbearable. "Maybe I should try to See," I offer, "I dunno if I can do it, but... maybe?"

"Can you?" she asks, looking hopefully up at me.

The last mission we were on together ended with Hunter taking a blaster bolt to his chest. It's no wonder she's so afraid.

"I'll try," I shrug. "Haven't in a while, but... maybe?" I used to get flashes, I remember suddenly. I Saw things sometimes when Hunter was trying to teach me to control myself. I Saw flashes of a future we're living through now. I knew Omega was with us, and I never really registered that Crosshair wasn't there, though I wondered why I never Saw all three of us together. Now, it makes sense.

"Please?" she whispers.

"Okay," I nod, "We just gotta... keep working. I... need somewhere quiet. Try to keep everyone away, okay?"

Omega nods. "'kay," she agrees, perfectly used to my weird abilities. I swing around, facing the rest of the parlor, crossing my legs. It's a bit... natural, even if I hate having to sit still for so long. Some people just aren't made for it, but Echo had to do crazy things when he got used to his new abilities, too.

Echo called what I do meditation, just a little different than Hunter's constant attempts at staying grounded. Biggest difference is that I have to sit still to do it – not getting excited obsessively is boring beyond all hope of life, thank you, Hunter – and Hunter's is a constant focus of just being.

Don't much like what I am now, but I deal with it. We all do. To be fair, I hate just about everything about myself.

I breathe in and out deeply, closing my eyes. I have to cut out senses in order to focus properly. I'm in a noisy place, but when I don't see it, I can at least distance myself from it. I can See things I can't normally, and that's what I'm doing right now. It's not something anyone taught me, but I learn from trial and error.

And I See.

Gray fading up and down, dark and light, symbolizing the future. I know what it is, and I do it sometimes, to know. It's easier to at least somewhat understand what it holds, even without vivid details. And it's dark. I know it's dark, and I can just see the... emotions. Not really what I need, though.

I See fire. I always See fire, Kamino burning, and I don't want to know what it means. It's a water planet. Fires don't just start.

That fades away, into something... else. Something far more distant.

"Stay behind me," a voice says, unfamiliar, but family. Sister, something whispers. Safe. Home. A fire is burning all around, and I feel myself moving forwards, disregarding the warning.

It flickers into something else, an image I remember from long ago. The air is fresh and bright with life. It's the first time I feel home.

I've been with Crosshair enough times to know the feel of his warmth, to See the fogginess that's always defined him. I've been here enough times to know the feel of being curled half in his lap, and to feel his arm draped around my waist.

"– and you'll mess up your hair," grumbles someone out of my light of sight. I'm staring fixedly at 'mega, who's still attempting to adjust a much-too-long stick her hands. His voice is deep, and I don't recognize it, but it's achingly familiar.

"You didn't braid it today," I snip back, "This is comfy. Do you ever sprawl in someone's lap?"

"You are welcome," he grumbles.

"Haven't you heard of contractions?"

"I just used one." Stars, he sounds like Tech.

"Ohhhh, yeah. Sure. Sure-sure."

"You haven't changed at all," Crosshair tells me dryly.

"Oh, yeah, I'm bigger."

Hunter laughs. I haven't heard that in so long, but I'd recognize the sound anywhere, and I miss it. "Some things never change." He's close by, I think. I can't see him, but he sounds close.

He sounds happy, and this is the first time I realize I've never seen it before.

I blink awake again, tears stinging my eyes. I breathe in shakily, trying to ground myself. Omega catches it from across the room and practically teleports to my side, hand on my shoulder, and I lean into it. "Are they okay?" she asks, freaked out.

"I Saw something," I whisper, voice muffled as I press my face to her chest. "We're gonna get him back, Omega. I know it." It's far out, I think, at least my vision is – but it's something, and it soothes me.

We'll be okay. Eventually.

**w**

Omega is insanely good at strategy – no shock there. She interrupts Cid's game with the two creatures perpetually hanging out at her parlor with advice, and then the betting-craze starts. We were supposed to be staying out of attention, but we'll be fine. Just to make sure, I settle down in the far back, watching and listening. I don't See anything, and no one pays attention to me.

Omega is having fun, loads of it. She's the center of attention, and the number of people cheering her on is rapidly growing.

I kinda wish I could be the center of attention, not in a bad way, just for once. I hate myself a bit for thinking that, but at least Omega is having fun. She and Cid have taken a surprising liking to each other, which strikes me weird all the way through. I don't exactly dislike Cid, but I still don't like her. She's not family. She's not one of us or someone I grew up knowing about.

It isn't like she was just accepted into our family like Echo was, either.

Hearing Crosshair's voice in my dream somehow made the fact that he's not with us so much more real, and the gaping emptiness in my heart feels much bigger.

I jump to my feet on the bench the moment I see our brothers and wave to them before jumping off. The room is crowded enough that I'm gonna get lost before I even make it to the entrance, thanks. By the time I make it to them, Cid's already shooing everyone out the door. I skid up next to Echo, grinning, and he returns a half-smile. Unlike earlier, something in him seems strangely settled.

"Kid, where'd you learn to do that?" Wrecker laughs, scooping Omega into his arms.

"She's a natural," Cid replies, "I've never seen anything like it."

I throw my arms around Wrecker's waist, at least as far as I can, because he's too big for me to hug properly, and he pats my head.

"I told you to keep a low profile." Hunter's voice is firm, not angry, but close enough. He hasn't actually gotten angry at us since Saleucami, even if he'd have a right to with how crazy and chaotic I am. "This is the opposite."

Omega's face falls, as does Wrecker's.

"Ease up, Bandana," Cid gripes, grabbing his shoulder and turning him around. Hunter glares at her, arm lifting like he's either about to shove her off, or half certain she's going to hit him, I can't tell. "Omega made enough money to pay off the debt you boys owe me, so try showing a little gratitude to my friend." She emphasizes the last several words with a wave of her hand, smacking a hand on his chest plate at the end. Again. Yeah. Typical Cid, and I'm more hurt than annoyed, but I don't – don't know why everyone gets like that towards Hunter.

No one would dare treat anyone else like that.

"You did good," she says, patting Omega's shoulder, which is nice to hear from her, but it's not her opinion that matters.

It's Hunter's. He knows what he's doing. He's the one who looks out for us.

Cid moves off to take the Senator our brothers rescued to the back, and Echo and Tech follow. Tech throws an uncertain glance at Hunter as he passes, but he says nothing. Wrecker sets down Omega, and Hunter's just... staring, something hurt and empty in his expression. I cross my arms, blinking at the wetness in my eyes.

I know we'll find something – something someday, a time and place we're together and happy, though there's a few people we're missing yet, but that feels impossibly far out.

Wrecker shoves past Hunter, who turns to look at him for the first time, snapping back into focus, and Wrecker nods towards Omega and me.

I'm simultaneously touched that he's standing up for us and annoyed that he hurt Hunter to do it.

We're family. We shouldn't hurt each other. For anything.

I just feel empty and numb.

"You really paid off our debt?" Hunter asks finally when Omega starts after our brothers.

"I wanted to be useful, even if I couldn't go on the mission," she says quietly.

"Hmm. How about we put those strategy skills to the test?" he offers, turning towards us and approaching the board. "One match. If you win, then no more sitting out on missions." He sits down, turning it on.

Omega lights up, running to her seat on the other side.

I should probably feel a bit of something, but I don't. Not really.

"You ready for this?" Hunter asks.

Omega's grin is slightly terrifying. "Are you?"

I watch their game idly, not overly paying attention. I don't really... care? I don't want to get left behind again either, but I guess... I grew up knowing it would happen. I knew my training would never be done before I could go with them. That I've even gotten as much time with our brothers as I have is enough.

(No, it's not, and it never will be, though it certainly should be. I can't demand so much of them. It's not fair.)

The thing that sort of throws me is that Omega's actually winning.

Does win.

She shouldn't.

Hunter is our Sergeant, the one in-action who knows like. Everything. He couldn't lose to her. Maybe some of my weird Force-abilities really did come from Omega, because I think Jedi can mind-read. Dunno if I should burst her I'm-good-at-something bubble by telling her that or not, though. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to do that to me if I felt like I was good about something, so I shut up about it.

"Viz, you wanna try?" she asks, turning to me with a bright grin.

I instantly think of when I was about to shoot her not so long ago and shake my head. I'm not comfortable doing anything against her. I already – Besides, I don't want her to beat me. I'm supposed to be a soldier, too, and I'm not really good at anything. I don't want to start comparing that to how she does. "Nope. Not now. Mission's over, remember?"

"Okay. Mantell Mix?"

"Check on Wrecker," I request.

She takes off to the back, and I turn to Hunter. I think he's been watching me for a while now.

"You alright?" he asks before I can say anything.

"Sorry for the – the attention thing," I blurt out in a rush. "I didn't think, and I thought I could See if something went wrong, and I –"

"It's okay," Hunter interrupts, "It worked out, you're fine."

I shake my head. "It's not fine, Hunter. You were angry."

"You said nothing would happen. That was enough."

"What are you afraid of?"

He rocks back a little, something tightening in his expression. Fear, I think.

"I'm not gonna let something happen to 'mega," I promise, sinking onto her seat. "I promise."

"It won't be any better if something happens to you, Vision."

I blink at him, confused.

"Protecting Omega isn't the role you're supposed to have," he continues, "You're a kid, too. That's something you need to let me do."

Is that what he's afraid of? Failing to protect us?

"You never used to ask me about what I See so much," I comment, looking up at him.

"Yeah," Hunter agrees slowly, "I... I should have listened more to what you were telling us earlier, on Kamino. If we'd taken you when you asked..." He trails off, shaking his head. "Things could be different now."

As in, that was before Crosshair left, but I think we all know the truth. "You did your best," I reply, leaning forwards, touching his arm. His vambrace is hard and cool under my touch. "And even if he'd left with us... I doubt it would've gone on long before he tried to kill us, anyway. I mean. Realistically." He was willing to kill every single one of us, and he couldn't stop it. It's... for the best that he left before he could go far enough to hurt us. I know that, even if I don't like it.

"So, yeah," I continue right off, not stopping or thinking, "It worked out. We're okay. And if the Empire shows up here, we'll find somewhere else to go. We didn't plan on coming here first, either, right? You joining the Mantel' Mix craze? It's really good."

"I know," he says, half-smiling. "But that's not really –"

"That's okay," I assure, jumping over the table at him. Hunter catches me, and I wind my arms around his neck. I still saw a hole in him, though, and I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head. Don't know how bad the scarring was, either. "By the way, you okay?"

"I'm fine," he assures, making a move to stand up, but I refuse to let go.

You know the one thing I really miss? Being the center of attention.

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