Chapter 28.5 - Bonus Chapter - Hunter II (Post-2:4)

Warning: Mentions of self-harm, depression

~ Rivana Rita

He can't sleep. Not as though that's become uncommon. Hunter can't count the frequency of days that he spends the full length of the night turning over on the rack, not that he sleeps much, period. There's not time, and it's not like he misses nightmares, anyway.

He still sees Crosshair in his dreams. All the time. Tonight's just another one of those. He keeps seeing Omega being ripped away, and Vision leaving.

He knows she would never do that. She loves them all too much, but – but he thought the same about Crosshair, and it's just... they're so similar. He took to her as fast as he did because of how much she reminded him of Crosshair. She's just... more talkative. And in some ways, more depressed. More self-destructed, anyway.

He hears quiet movement, and looks up as Vision tiptoes towards him. Her hair is still tied back with the dark blue cloth strip Hunter had gotten for her so long ago.

She looks different now. Older. She's darker, changed like all of them have. Everyone changed after Kamino. Tech withdrew on himself, becoming darker and sharper and far more prone to lashing out. Echo's already short temperament got even shorter as he lost himself with grief. Omega seems... snappier somehow, which is kind of ridiculous, because Omega doesn't snap. Wrecker's emptier, depression eating him inside out – he hides it well, and Omega and Vision often keep him distracted, but it's still there. Vision lost her Sight there, and sometimes, Hunter doesn't know if what hurt her the worst was that or Crosshair. She's colder, less energetic and often completely withdrawn. For Hunter, it's increasingly difficult to pick himself off his rack every time he wakes up. Least it feels like it.

Crosshair shattered all of them, ripped them to shards without a shred of remorse. He wishes he could stop thinking about him.

"Vision?" he asks, blinking at her. If she's here, it's because she needs help him to... well, this is Vision, and she just as often doesn't come to him for help as she does.

She doesn't see him as perfect. He's tried to hold that image with her, but it was shattered some way back, and Hunter sees it as she tries to take the role as their leader herself. It hurts, and it worries him, because she's not supposed to have to do that. He's supposed to be strong enough for all of them, but he's not for her.

At least there's one person he doesn't have to hold the illusion with, but if he's not their leader, then, what is he?

Nothing.

He is nothing, and he can't let that.

He's their leader. He is.

"Hey," she whispers, fingers digging into her crossed arms. That looks painful, but it's not overly... uncharacteristic of her, either. Hunter saw her hurt herself. She said she wouldn't again, but he still sees it, and he never mentions it, but he's still worried.

"Do you need something?"

"Hush, no," she argues, shaking her head and stepping forwards, "Just – can I stay here tonight?"

He reaches out to her, and Vision grabs his arm, climbing across him to press her back up against the wall, curling up against his chest. They squirm around a bit, with a few mutual "you okay's" before she ends with her head in his shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waist like there's a genuine concern he might disappear.

"It's okay," Hunter tells her on instinct. "I'm not going anywhere."

Her heartbeat flickers, stuttering, though he doesn't know why. He didn't mean it as a like Crosshair did, though he might as well have said so – everything in their lives is underwritten with Crosshair. Every word spoken, every move they make – he's carried everywhere with them in every way they all need to forget.

He saw the blood on her arm, all the times she cried, and his heart aches with fierceness. Her pain is a reflection of his own, of all of theirs, as she always has been.

Vision, who gave them center and focus, the first little addition to their squad, their first kid, their sister, the one who was the first to want them.

She spent her whole life missing them when Hunter never knew she existed.

Vision, who was infinitely close with Crosshair, his little shadow, and Hunter thinks it's not surprising she's sunken into herself, become so little more than a shadow of her own.

He remembers teaching her with that knife, how to hold it, how to balance it in her hand the way he did, and how she copied his every move.

He remembers how they'd looked at her then, how badly he wanted to give her a life better than their own, a life where she never had to fear, never had to feel pain, and so well they've done at that. He wishes he could help, that there was anything he could do to help.

She got a blaster wound through her shoulder not so long ago, and she's just a kid. He and his brothers never had that until eight. Vision's six going on seven. She's still so small, even if she's not as scrawny as Omega.

"I know," Vision promises.

He wishes he knew what to say to her, what to do to take her pain away, but in this he's helpless, just as he is in all ways of protecting his squad. His family.

"I'm sorry," Vision says against his shoulder. She's not looking at him, and he thinks she finds it easier. Tech has issues looking people in the eye when he talks to them, too.

"For what?"

"Earlier. I know I was supposed to be protecting them, but I – I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Vision," Hunter says firmly, gripping her shoulder tightly, "Taking care of them is not your responsibility."

"If I don't, who will?"

He tries to pretend it doesn't hurt. "You are the most reliable," Hunter confesses, "Though it's not something you can control. I know that. I don't expect you to."

"But I have to," she says tiredly, "Nobody else does, and you can't do this alone.

"This isn't about me," Hunter argues, because it's not. He can't pretend it is.

("They're all going to die here, because of your failed leadership.)"

"I know. It never is. I just make it that way, and, um." She licks her lips, tilting her head to meet his gaze for a fleeting second before leaning down again, nestling her head on his chest. Her heartbeat flickers, fluxing against his, the electric field curving and circling outwards, prickling over his skin. Hunter works an arm under her, pressing them together. He used to do this with Crosshair all the time. He can't think about that right now. Or, preferably, at all.

"What's wrong?" Hunter asks softly, waiting for her to finally talk. This isn't her fault. He knows that. He trusts her. She's wild, yeah, definitely excitement seeking, but she listens to him. Sometimes, blindly.

"I need to See again," she says finally, "That's what made me special, and I know it was hard and very annoying, but I need... I need that."

Hunter knew she'd say that eventually. It was obvious enough – if he couldn't track, if he wasn't their leader, he wouldn't have anything. But this is one thing Hunter doesn't know how to help Vision with. He's lost, just about this, the one thing that she needs him for.

"I don't understand how they work," he admits, "Echo knows the most about it from experience, and Tech knows some, too."

"But you're the one who helped me. You knew how to guide me to See things. To focus. Remember?"

As if he could forget. Vision had followed him everywhere back then. She thought he could fix it, could help her, and he'd been so touched. Crosshair had been... weird about it sometimes. He felt ignored. Hunter promised to make it up to him. He lied.

He didn't.

"I couldn't forget," Hunter promises. "But this isn't the same." He doesn't understand how it could be something she just turned off. "What does it feel like now?"

"It's just black. Dark. Everything is dark. Lifeless. I – I think... I'm afraid to See again. I don't know what it'll make happen."

Hunter still doesn't understand what she means. Vision has never told him, exactly, and he doesn't want to pressure her. "If you closed it off, I'm sure you can open it again. What was it like before?"

"There were colors. Everything was light and changing. Sorta glittery. I dunno how to explain. You see 'mega's toy?"

"Yeah," Hunter admits, because he did. He'd wanted to know what it was.

"It's kinda like that. Colors. Shattered colors. Flickery and glittery."

He remembers how sharply she snapped back to herself every time she Saw things. It was tiring, but she never stopped. Echo had said he didn't think the Force was supposed to be used like that, but it didn't really seem to matter. Hunter hadn't worried about it, until now. Maybe that's it, too. Maybe she's just too exhausted. Too worn.

"It's kinda like closing a door," she says, "Except there's no light inside."

"Well, doors can be opened," he reminds, "You just have to cut it down. Or blow it up."

"I don't have explosives in my head," Vision says, and he knows if he could see her face, it'd be scrunched in a too-disgusted-to-be-real expression.

Hunter laughs. The seriousness of the conversation drops the lightness fast, though. "If there was a reason you stopped Seeing, you'll have to face it."

"Ahhhhh, great," Vision groans, thumping her head on his chest. It reminds him so jarringly of Crosshair, he struggles to think about anyone else.

He's so, so scared of making a mistake with her. Of doing something to make her walk away. It seems so irrational, but... sometimes, talking to Vision is like talking to a ghost.

Hunter feels like one, too, but it hurts to see the same on his little sister. He wishes he knew what to say to her, how to express there's nothing he wants more than her safe, than her free. He wishes he could take her somewhere far from war where she can have the life she deserves, but with Vision, everything is hard, because the life she was always made for was war, same as his brothers. It's the life she wants.

It's not the life he wants for her.

There's no way all of them will be happy.

(Sometimes, there are moments he's terrified she'll be gone, leave like Crosshair, and he hates it because Vision is not Crosshair. She's not like him. She's not a traitor. He's just – scared. He thought the same about Crosshair, and he can't stop thinking about it. About him.)

(But Vision sees through him in a way no one else ever has, not even Crosshair. She wants to help. That's not something Hunter's familiar with, or understands.)

She needs his help right now, though, and after everything she's done for him, he owes her that. "If you want to get it back, I know you'll find a way," Hunter tells her, "You always do, and if you need something, we're here."

"Thank you." There's a momentary pause of silence. "But I think we're getting distracted. Get some sleep, Dad."

Still doesn't know how to feel whenever she calls him that, but it makes him uncharacteristically mushily soft inside. "You too, Vision."

(Maybe sometimes, there are people and moments that make his life okay enough to survive.)

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