The coffee shop was quiet and quaint, perched at the corner of a desolate street just a few blocks from Bella's house. Esme picked a thin, circular table towards the back, offering Bella a bright smile as she seated herself. Her white formal attire was a stark contrast to the dark wooden chairs, and dim orange wallpaper.
Charlie liked the ritual of brewing his own coffee every morning, so this coffee shop—no matter how close it was to their house—wasn't a place Bella frequented. But Esme had seemed unusually delighted to walk through its glass doors.
"I love the smell," Esme explained, straightening a napkin before her. "The beans, the freshly baked bread. Did you know that the workers come in around three in the morning to be ready by seven?"
Bella smiled. "Do you come here often?"
A waitress rounded the coffee bar, grabbing two menus from her apron. As she approached, Bella noticed her Forks High School Track t-shirt.
"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen," the young girl greeted, extending her bracelet-ridden arms with the menus. "Welcome in."
"Thank you, Anna," Esme said politely, reaching for both menus. "I'll have a cappuccino."
Their familiarity piqued Bella's interest. She briefly scanned the pastry display, and ordered a chocolate muffin.
"Coffee for you, too?" Anna asked, scribbling on a notepad.
Bella had a feeling she would be drinking Esme's order. "No, thank you."
Both women watched as Anna disappeared behind a lengthy, silver espresso machine.
"She's been working here for over a year," Esme said fondly as the whirring sound of a milk frother filled the room.
"She went to Forks High," Bella noted.
"Yes. She graduated last year." Esme smiled down at her fingers, nails always perfectly manicured. "She's taking a year to save up for college."
"So you do come here often," Bella teased, looking around and finding a young man on his laptop tucked in the corner, and an older couple clinking two shots of espresso. The morning rush had likely ended an hour ago.
"I enjoy it," Esme said, and then lowered her voice. "If I feed enough the night before, I find it easier to be around them. Otherwise, I wouldn't dare. If I slipped, especially in such a public place—the damage control would be unimaginable. We'd need to disappear." She paused, frowning. "Again."
Much like, Bella thought, how they had to disappear for Olivia. But Olivia wasn't even dead.
And it was clear that Esme's mind spiraled to a similar place. "I think about her every day."
"I'm trying not to think about her," Bella admitted.
There was a long pause, perhaps a moment of silence. The girl was lost to the world. Bella knew there was no possibility that Olivia Levi could ever return to life as she once knew it.
Anna sauntered by with a tray, and then placed a little plate with Bella's muffin and an overflowing cappuccino on the table. "Anything else I can get you ladies?"
Both women declined politely, and Esme watched, once again, as Anna retreated.
Bella cocked her head to the side, examining Esme as she couldn't take her eyes off the waitress scurrying about the cafe. "It would be easier for you to be around them if you drank from them. A little counterintuitive, maybe, but…"
"Out of question in this coven, Bella." Esme shook her head, mute, and dismissive, eyes fixed distantly on a spot behind her. And then she perked up, a smile appearing on her lips. "Anna wants to go into medicine."
"Really?" Bella picked off a little bit of her muffin. "Has she been volunteering at the hospital? I'm sure Carlisle—"
Esme's smile dropped so quickly, Bella questioned if it was ever there. "No."
"No?"
Esme hooked a finger through her cup's handle, movements suddenly sharp, and tense. "I don't want her around the family." Her eyes were trained on the milk foam atop the espresso. "They get sucked in too easily, and then they cannot get out."
Bella from Arizona. Bella thought about Edward's first words to her. It's nice to meet you.
She closed her eyes.
Is the gloom so bad? You seem pretty gloomy yourself.
It had been too easy to talk to him. He had been engaging, interested, and charming. And then he'd pull away, and Bella would bite the bait. Every time, she would bite and follow, until he well and truly lured her into his web.
"It's admirable of you to protect her," Bella offered through a sigh, nibbling on a bite of her pastry. "At least, it's admirable to try."
"It will end in death," Esme said, cupping a hand on the porcelain. "If they're not gifted, Carlisle will not protect them, and they will die. And if they are gifted, they are almost guaranteed to be turned." She stared hard at her cup. For a while, she remained quiet. "Bella, I want to apologize."
"It's fine, Esme."
"When I knew it was inevitable that you would be joining the family, I tried to be as welcoming as I could."
"Esme, please."
"But you didn't fall for it. You didn't want it. You didn't want Edward." Her head tilted, eyes remaining low. "But you do want Jasper. And I'm sorry—I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean to sound so dire. Jasper is your best option. I believe in this completely."
"I do, too."
She frowned down at her coffee. "I only wanted to make sure that you knew… that this bond is not something to take lightly. And I realize that you will not be able to understand it until you feel it yourself." And then, her eyes flicked up. "Sulpicia—Aro's mate. Have you heard of her?"
"The mate locked in a tower?"
"She is guarded heavily," Esme confirmed. "Not just for protection against anyone who wishes to harm her, but also because she is a danger to herself. Sulpicia Volturi is highly suicidal, Bella. I've met with her on multiple occasions. It destroys her that she is mated to a man who is at the pinnacle of such destructive, heinous power. She despises violence, and yet she has to stand by Aro as he orders executions, coven raids, and upends lives to benefit his own guard. There are deep feelings of adoration that are juxtaposed by debilitating abhorrence." Esme paused, shaking her head. "This is enough to drive you insane. You question your thoughts, your reactions. You find you cannot trust yourself, because the bond will favor the harmony between you. It is a great betrayal of the mind."
Bella straightened, letting Esme's words sink in. She licked her lips, tasting the sweetness of her muffin if only to offset the bitter taste in her mouth. "And how does Aro grapple with the idea that his mate wants to die?"
"It is the only thing that scares Aro Volturi. If Aro has a weakness, it is her. If she is hurt, he will hurt. If she is dead… he will hurt for decades. A snapped bond is unthinkable. Inconceivable."
"But it's the only way she would be free. If she dies, or if Aro dies."
Esme shook her head. "She wouldn't be able to stand a threat against her mate, no matter how much it could benefit her. A betrayal of the mind, Bella," she repeated. "It's a terrible, terrible thing."
Esme's unpredictable, erratic reactions to Bella's probing of Carlisle made sense. And Bella wouldn't outright admit it to her face, but she felt sorry for her. Her, a human, pitied the vampire before her.
"I don't think Jasper wants to wield terrible power, or gain influence," Bella reasoned. "He values one thing above all else. His freedom. And he just needs enough power to sustain it."
It was Esme's turn to look at her with pity. "No one is born with darkness in their hearts. But everyone is capable of corruption, and greed. It's only a gradual process." Esme's eyes bore into hers. "Mated to you, Jasper will serve approximately fifty more years before both of you are released from your duty. And what then?"
"I don't know who I will be in a decade, let alone fifty years from now."
"That's my point," Esme said sadly. "Bonds are eternal, but people are free to change. A man you are mated to today might not be the same man the next century."
Bella reached forward and placed a hand over hers. Esme flinched at the contact, but warmly, Bella asked, "How was Carlisle… before? When you met?"
"Before?" She paused, eyes growing distant. And then, a gentle smile. "He loved helping people—he still does. Through medicine, he bettered the lives of those around him. Tirelessly, he worked to ensure people got better, and recovered." Her eyes grew distant, as if replaying the memory. "People adored him. They coined him as the miracle doctor. This was the early 1900s, of course—people believed in all sorts of things. Magic and miracles were sought after, in such dire circumstances. But they believed in Carlisle. They believed he could fix them." She nudged her cappuccino. "And then, in 1921, Carlisle Cullen fell in love with a mortal, and decided to revive her from her deathbed." Her fingers skimmed her mug. "And from the moment I woke up, all I could see was him. All I knew was him. He mended me in more ways than I could ever explain." Her lips parted, but the thought seemed to fade. Eventually, she said, "We were mated within the month, and married within the year."
A mating bond, and a sire bond, Jasper had said. Carlisle and Esme.
"And you were happy," Bella said, trying not to phrase it as a question.
"How could I not be? I had run from an abusive husband, and I had just lost my baby. Carlisle pulled me from a dark fate, and offered me immortality. I had a family, companionship, and a second chance."
Bella's hand squeezed atop hers, just as her heart did.
But the gratitude in Esme's words didn't match her expression. A harsh line divided her brows, and she looked vaguely pained. "It wasn't always perfect, of course. It took me a while to realize that I would never be able to bear a child again." Her golden eyes lifted to Bella's. "And when I realized that, well… it was…" She swallowed roughly. "I ran. I ran from everyone, and everything. And that was the first time I felt the effects of the bond so prominently. Because I couldn't go far. I couldn't leave my mate behind, but part of me…" Her lips parted again, and it seemed hard for her to form words. "Part of me just wanted to keep running."
"You were angry," Bella supplied, hoping that she would agree, "once you realized that he took your humanity."
"It was a long time before I realized…" Esme wouldn't finish the sentence.
And Bella understood why her little revolt had taken a while. Bella suspected that gradually—over the months after her transformation—Esme's sire bond with Carlisle had faded, and her resistance to her maker strengthened. The awareness of her death and her new circumstances had likely hit her the moment her sire lost control of her. But whereas a bond to a sire dissolved, it wasn't like that for a mate. A mate was a constant; a connection that refused to fade.
Til death do us part.
This wasn't an easy question to ask, and asking it, Bella didn't expect a clear answer. "Do you think you went along with the mating ritual because Carlisle was your sire?"
It was as if a switch flipped. And Esme went completely rigid for a moment.
"I love him," Esme said automatically, as if it were something pre-programmed. As if she didn't hear the question at all. "He is my mate, my husband, and my everything. I love him."
But you didn't love him then, Bella wanted to say. Carlisle tied you to him for eternity, and you had no say at all.
"Yes, Esme," was all Bella could muster. Dejectedly, she leaned back in her chair. "I know."
After Bella finished her muffin and drank Esme's coffee, both women got back into the car and headed slowly to the Cullen estate. No matter their dim mood in the cafe, Esme seemed to turn herself around quickly. She had the radio on low, her eyes constantly skimming the road. The occasional spotting of a human would bring a smile to her face.
Bella found this to be incredibly endearing.
Until the wedding talk began.
"You'll have a selection to pick from," Esme was saying, taking her time to wind through the streets of Forks. There was a light sprinkling of rain pattering on the car. "Alice ordered the gowns from Dior. Designed them in partnership."
"I don't look forward to it," Bella said sharply, staring out the window.
"Jasper thinks they're all incredibly ugly."
Bella glanced at Esme with sudden amusement. "Really? You talk about this stuff?"
"Well, no. We don't really talk often." She tilted her head to the side in consideration. "You see, conversation of any sort is risky with Alice's visions—unless, you're around, of course." From her pocket, she again pulled out that piece of paper from this morning, offering it to Bella. "Instead, we pass notes or we text. Notes, if we burn them, are the most effective for secrecy."
"Unlike a phone, a burned note can't be hacked or traced," Bella reasoned, accepting the folded paper. "These are the instructions he gave you?"
"I thought it was cute. Perhaps it'll lift your spirits."
Bella unfolded the note, and the smile that spread on her lips was entirely uncontrolled. She recognized Jasper's handwriting immediately.
Not good at eating breakfast. Coffee a good bribe.
Keep processed sugar to a minimum. The last two weeks, noticeable lack of Vit. D and C.
Books—good distraction. Classic literature.
Trail behind house, sufficient for exercise. Better, if you can get her to run.
Charlie home around five. Dinner at seven. Do not interrupt.
Renee phone call—once a week. If delayed, inject into conversation.
No. More. Alcohol.
Bella blinked the sudden wetness away from her eyes. She folded the note, and handed it back.
Esme frowned. "I didn't think it would make you sad."
Sad wasn't the word for it. "You're right. He cares too much."
"Yes," Esme said, mournful. "Bella, he's very scared."
It was hard for her to imagine Jasper scared. Sure, he had fears, and hopes, and desires—but all of that had to be carefully hidden. He had to be a servant; a person who abided by orders, and unquestioningly executed them. His own needs and wants didn't matter. His fears were inconsequential compared to the job he had to perform.
It was easy to forget that Jasper's mask was just that. A mask.
"But for the first time in a long time," Esme continued, "I don't think he's scared of Carlisle, or the kings. Or what it means for his sentence."
"He's scared that we'll mess this up."
"Of course." Esme glanced at Bella. "But I think that's only because he's terrified of losing you."
A/N: BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish is a song I've had on repeat for this Jasper x Bella.