Chapter LXXXXV

Cracked

Once outside, we immediately go to Lady Tsunade's office to explain what happened. I'm still in shock. I never thought that this group could kidnap me in broad daylight. I still don't know why they didn't take me to one of their laboratories to quietly conduct their exams.

I let my guard down, and Naruto knew something was wrong—no, I knew something was wrong. The one who has worn the appearance of Yamato uses Henge no Jutsu perfectly; he copied my kohai's scent brilliantly, and I was completely fooled. Additionally, he made sure to separate me from my student and isolate me. Like an imbecile, I blindly trusted this thug instead of trusting Naruto, who tried to hold me back, to warn me… I also ignored my intuition and this strange voice, which screamed at me to turn around. I feel so, so stupid…

In all of this, my odour puts others off, and I weigh my words. They look at me with disgust, refrain from pinching their noses while standing as far away from me as possible. The stench of the sewers has anchored itself in my skin, but according to their nauseated faces, it's worse than the smell of shit; to believe that they're facing a corpse in an advanced stage of decomposition.

The aggressive presence of the blond covered in blood doesn't help at all. He clings to my hips, hissing loudly like a dire warning; at that, his black tail is wrapped around my legs. He lets them know to keep their distance. I can't calm him down. Even Shikamaru, like Shizune, found refuge behind the Hokage's office. I feel like I'm carrying a contagious disease…

"This group is interested in my mark," I continue, stroking the back of my neck. "They don't have the slightest idea what it is. Apparently, I would be the first marked human." I touch the wound in my neck, where this psychopath stabbed me with his syringe. "They knocked me out in order to examine me and find answers. They had time to collect my blood before Naruto arrived. They wanted to take another sample, and I have absolutely no idea for what…"

A silence settles in.

Everyone dives deep into their thoughts. I sink into my own mind, reliving the scene a second time to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. In fact, a detail that I've not revealed troubles and worries me. I bit someone like a savage, and I didn't hesitate for a single moment to do it. I can still feel these fangs easily piercing the delicate flesh; I still taste the blood on these killing weapons that I licked. The urge to sink my teeth into him and tear his hand away was so strong that I couldn't choose. This is such that I bit him by instinct. I would never do such a thing, even in this kind of situation. In panic and helplessness, I no longer was who I am.

I had become feral. This realization terrifies me more than being the target of this group.

Am I really losing my humanity...? Even if I don't turn into one of these creatures...?

"Damn it," Lady Tsunade blurts, clicking her tongue in her mouth. "They didn't wait to attack you. It concerns them as much as us to act so quickly. Even they have no answer regarding this mark. This doesn't bode well at all."

"Do you think they're looking into whether he's becoming a chakra devourer?" Shizune says.

"Or if they can turn him into a chakra devourer," Shikamaru adds darkly.

"We can't wait any longer. They have already started moving again, and quite aggressively. We have no choice but to move forward with our operations." Godaime lands her gaze on me. "Kakashi, we'll probe his mind tomorrow morning, when he's most weakened. In the meantime, please! Take a shower! Did they bathe you in the sewers or roll you in a pile of dead animals?!"

"Listen! I have no idea what's going on with me! These guys said I give off pheromones that give me this putrid smell, and I don't know why or how!"

"Stop spreading them then!"

"I don't know how!"

"I don't care! Find out how before we choke to death!"

"I do not know how!" I insist, waving my arms uselessly. "My body does it on its own!" I'm distraught. I reek of death, and it's completely out of my control. I don't know why my body secretes whatever is causing this abject stench. Despite my exceptional nostrils, I can't smell it, even if I sniff under my arms, even if I amplify my sense of smell with chakra…

"I understand better now!" Shizune suddenly exclaims, struck by an epiphany. "It was him who spread this smell of death in the hospital and not Naruto."

"W-What...?" I stammer.

"It's true that Naruto's scent has never been so horrible," notes Shikamaru, pinching his nose.

Lady Tsunade and Shizune imitate him before the three arch their backs.

"Obviously, this mark gives you the ability to stink and you must produce pheromones depending on your stress level," the Hokage concludes, looking at me with disgust. "It has become unlivable. Get out of my office and get Naruto ready. We'll come pick you up tomorrow morning."

"I don't do it on purpose…"

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" she orders me sharply, pointing to the exit. "Whether you do it on purpose or not, you get out before you stink my office forever!"

Angry and ready to pounce, Naruto growls as he pulls out of me… I immediately grab him in my arms. Luckily, he doesn't struggle, although his bright, angry eyes are focused on her.

"Easy, Naruto. She doesn't mean it badly. Come…" I put my arm around his shoulder to invite him to follow me.

"As soon as you smell normal again, you can go to the infirmary," she tells me.

I close the door behind me … and I hear someone gag. A shinobi looks at us askance, pinching his nose. I sigh. If these damn pheromones are indeed showing up in response to stress, I need to calm down to stop stinking and annoying everyone. It must be a defence mechanism to repel threats—another ability I've sadly inherited. I have to figure out how to control this detestable phenomenon as quickly as possible before it ruins my life. If Naruto can do it, so should I… Fortunately, it doesn't seem to bother my student… Maa, I hope…

- XxX -

At my wit's end, I return home, taking the shortest and least travelled route. I wanted to train Naruto this evening… I can forget the project; the inevitable is planned for tomorrow morning. I have a very bad feeling. It will go badly, very badly. Naruto isn't ready to face his demons, and after seeing him kill in cold blood… I'm afraid he'll attack someone with that much violence, as I'm afraid of being unable to reason with him if he's in a fury.

All I want to do is curl up in my bed and pray that tomorrow doesn't come. Alas, I can't run away from it. I must prepare Naruto to face this heavy ordeal that awaits him … but I hesitate. Knowing can cause much more stress than facing it once you get there.

In my apartment, I almost collapse. I feel like the sounds are muted; incessant tinnitus passes through my ear canals. My room invites me like a siren's song; it invites me to find refuge there, in which to roll up tightly in my blankets. I refrain from obeying this irrepressible and bewitching invitation. I'm disgusting, literally. Besides the foul fluids of all kinds, I feel terribly dirty, even soiled. I have to treat my wounds, make sure they don't get infected. I don't want to go to the infirmary; I just want to be left alone.

I ignore Naruto and stagger to the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror, I'm scary to see. The right side of my swollen face is marked with bruises. The cut near my visible eye requires stitching. I was hit without restraint, and with the adrenaline, the pain wasn't felt. My distorted and swollen finger is in excruciating pain. Not without wincing in pain, I remove my gloves and, taking a deep breath, I force my broken finger back in place. My cry accompanies the crack that breaks the silence. Catching my breath, I run the water from the tap and remove my shinobi headband. In the mirror, I see Naruto. He looks at me with sadness, restrains himself from crying. He's distraught and not knowing what to do, he freezes in place.

"I'm fine, Naruto," I mumble, roughly washing my face. "I know you need a shower, but you're gonna wait…"

I'd like to tell him to get out, but I'm so tired that I don't care; he can do whatever he wants. I pretend he's not there and reach for my first aid box. I improvise a splint for my broken finger. Then, I take out a needle and thread to suture the wound near my eye while grimacing. Once the care is provided, I start the shower and begin to undress; I throw my soiled clothes on the ground like old rags good to be trashed. About to take off my top, I stop. The blond's lingering gaze is still on me. Since I don't want to talk, I show him my back and sigh. I cover my face with a towel and get in the shower.

I let the water pound my filthy body. I lean my forehead against the wall, and my arms fall into my field of vision. My wrists are still marked by the rope, which tried to slip under my skin; my thighs and my ankles are afflicted with these same shameful ornaments. I look with disgust at my forearms, on which there are scars from claws and bites that I haven't had the courage to count. I want to claw at my skin—a futile attempt to make these scars disappear, as if they were spots that could be torn away.

My legs are wobbly. Before they let go, I press my back against the wall and let myself slide to the ground. I curl up into a ball, hug my legs and hide my face with them.

I don't know why, but I feel like I was sexually assaulted. I still feel their hands grazing my entire being without shame; these infectious hands groping my vulnerable and defenceless body, probing it, raping it, all too close to one of my intimacies. It was the first time that I felt so helpless. Now I no longer tolerate being touched by anyone, and I don't know why. All my senses are amplified, and the slightest physical contact is of an intensity never felt before. I experienced these "touches" very badly, and I can't think otherwise. Yet these guys were examining me on a purely scientific level. This sort of thing should leave me indifferent. After all, this isn't the first time I've been captured and tortured. During my dark years in the ANBU, this has already happened more than once.

Why am I feeling like this...?

All these emotions … this sudden fragility…

It's not me. I am stronger than that…

I'm torn from my imaginary world when an icy breeze whips my skin warmed by the artificial rain. "Naruto… Get out of my shower," I mumble without any conviction, without offering him the slightest glance. I half open my eye. At my feet I see the clear water contaminated with blood, which is swallowed down the drain. Two careful hands rest gently on my wet hair. I briefly raise my head when they're petted tenderly.

Despite the narrow space, Naruto is crouching in front of me. Cascading tears wipe the blood from his face. Sadness dulls his once-bright eyes. He ghostly touches the right side of my battered and burning face. The pain that strikes his heart is as odious as mine, which binds my throat and paralyzes me. The blond hiccups and sniffles loudly. He takes me in his arms. As a result, he destroys the shell that I've built for myself. He leans my head against his chest. A caring hand caresses the top of my head, on which Naruto places his chin. From then on, he rocks me in his embrace.

I can't react. Our two bodies in birthday suit and too close don't even bother me—on the contrary, I don't care. I'm in pieces, in tatters. There's a crack in my heart, my soul. I'm shaking like a leaf, about to cry…

However, I notice that he's mumbling something over and over. I close my eyes, focusing on his voice buried beneath the sound of the watery gullets. His lips are indeed moving; they repeat a series of words, but no sound comes out of his trembling mouth. Then it stops when the teenager hugs me even tighter. His tears are as silent as his voice that I need to hear, that I dream of hearing again.

For a moment, I thought he was breaking his silence. The hope was so great that it lifted me out of the water before I sank too deeply. This voice, I brushed it with my fingertips, this same voice that melts the ice bounds, which drag my helpless body under this heavy sea, so heavy that it will reduce my bones to dust. This voice… It was so close, so close…

In the darkness, I found a source of light to cling to so that I would no longer get lost and drift.

This vain hope gives me strength, and I stop trembling. It isn't the time to weaken and let my emotions strip me of my strength. An unpredictable storm is on the horizon; it will be here soon, and no one can predict the extent of its violence. I'm the only one who can repel the lightning if this storm decides to split the ground, destroying everything in its path.

"Naruto," I call out to him, forcing him to separate from me. "I'll be fine. These insignificant wounds will heal." I slide a hand over his cheek. "Thank you for rescuing me, Naruto. As long as we stay together, we're strong. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you. I'm stupid."

The sapphire-eyed boy gives me a shy smile, snorting. We come to meet each other. We press our foreheads together and close our eyes. Immediately, I feel much lighter, as if I was sharing part of my burden with him. Time is a concept that no longer exists, extends into an eternity that only we understand. Naruto may be a creature born of darkness, but he's my light chasing away the shadows seeking to darken my fragile heart.