Apparently, the Avengers compound had been destroyed before I woke up. Clara had plans to rebuild a facility. But so far, all they'd been able to do was clean up. And they weren't even finished with it yet. But Tony was nothing if not prepared, and they'd built another facility specifically for medical research. Or, in this case, research on how to split a violent cosmic entity between two people.
The ride was long enough that I was in and out. The vibration of the car was enough to keep me conscious. But the ache in my body kept Chaos at the helm. And all she was doing was staring up at the ceiling. I could feel Bucky beside me. But he didn't speak for a long time. Not until I did.
"Are you afraid?" I asked.
"I'm terrified that I'm going to lose the only person I have left. You?" I nodded slowly.
"I'm terrified that I'll get to experience both of you dying."
"One step closer to home. Part of you must be excited about that." I shrugged.
"Do you have a plan for that yet?"
"Not that I'm ready to tell you."
"If this all goes according to plan, I will find out anyway."He sighed, knowing I was right. But he didn't say anything.
"If you get to go home soon—what are you going to miss the most?"
"It hasn't been long in the span of my life, but—I've grown used to being human. Experiencing human things. I'm afraid I'll forget simple things like touch, taste, and love."
"I wish I could tell you you'll be missed, but you'll know I'm lying." I laughed and felt the tension drain from him. He was relieved that I wasn't angry.
"I think the worst part is that—I'll never know how things turn out. You'll all just be gone. I expect it will feel something like grief. And I'm afraid that one day I'll forget you. I'll keep living long after your planet is gone. I'll never know if you got to live your lives. If you found the peace you deserve."
"Sounds like a reasonable thing to be afraid of."
"I've stolen so many lives. I felt them die. But I never lived with them the way I lived with her. They became my Vessels later in their lives. Their destruction was a last-minute attempt at saving themselves and their worlds. I don't—I don't want to feel her die."He nodded and turned toward the window.
"Just look at everything you've seen. All you'll still get to see. I wish there was a way I could come back and tell you how it all turned out. But I doubt I'll get many chances to go to space."
"That would be nice. But I want you to know that I wish you the best. Jo was right about you and about how she felt. I've met many creatures, many humans, who carry evil inside them. You were never one of them. You deserve peace. And you deserve to be loved. You are loved. So know that no matter what happens today, that won't change. You'll continue to be loved long after you're gone. I suppose, in that way, you'll be immortal. And so will Jo."He smiled.
"Hey, guys," Liv said from the front seat. "We're here."
"Is she here?" I heard Bucky ask from somewhere far away. I slipped through the Darkness until I found my body. I was standing in the center of a cleared-out room. But I recognized the plexiglass wall and the faces on the other side of it.
"I'm here," I said. I felt his hand take mine, and I turned to face him. Both of us were dressed down in simple clothes. Made for easy removal if we ended up comatose. The floor was padded to catch us if we fell.
"Does it hurt?" he asked. I nodded.
"What's the plan?"
"She didn't tell you?"
"No. She doesn't tell me much of anything. Just pops in on occasion to be annoying." He smiled lightly.
"There isn't much of a plan," he admitted. "We've been fasting for twenty-four hours to decrease the chances of us choking on our own vomit."
"Nice."
"And we're in the facility to prevent casualties and Friday can read our vitals. And so we're within reach of medical care if things go wrong." I nodded again. "Then Chaos will do the rest."
"It's that simple?"
"Apparently so."
"That's too easy. If it was that easy, she would have done it a long time ago." His hand squeezed mine.
"I don't know if it'll be easy, Jo. But it's the only way to give us enough time to figure out the rest."
"I don't want to risk you." He smiled.
"And I don't want to risk you. So we're even."
"We're not even. This part will be fine for me. Chaos has grown gradually in me. You've never experienced it at all. It could destroy you."
"And I trust that you'll be here with me."
"Bucky—please."
"Just tell me what I need to do."
The answer came to me in a memory. Apparently, it was as simple as that. I saw the first night Bucky stayed in my house in DC. When I found him tangled in the sheets in the spare bedroom. The way he'd looked that night with the light on his bare skin. The way it had taken everything I had not to kiss him. And I'd lost the fight. Because I'd kissed him like I'd never kissed anyone. As if, even then, some part of me recognized a twin soul. He'd kissed me back just as passionately, fingers digging into my shoulders until the metal one snapped the strap.
I blinked the memory from my eyes and stared up at him.
"Kiss me," I told him. An eyebrow quirked.
"That's it?"
"That's all she gave me." He dropped his head to mine.
"Easy enough," he decided.
But I knew, somehow, that it wouldn't be that simple.
These chapters were pretty short so I squished them together.
Also, I'm thinking of just slapping the rest of it up today. I wanted to go back and beef up these chapters (this is literally the first draft). So that's why it's pretty heavy on dialog and not much else beyond basic information. But I just never got around to it. And, as you know, I'm ready to move on.
I do want to start sharing the rewrite sometime (while I still have the chance). But once a week updates are pretty slow moving (especially when I forget). So I might start doing that.
The only issue I can really see (beyond my country descending into chaos) is that it's meant to be a work in progress (and also illustrated). The illustrations have been slow moving as it is. And I want it to be a little more interactive in terms of the people who read it. Basically, I would very much appreciate input and feedback so that I can make it the best version it can be.
That's all that's really stopping me right now (I also have a really bad headache today as well as a commission I have to work on). So it probably won't be all at once. But maybe a couple chapters a day until it's done.
Anyway, this was supposed to be a short note. Thank you for reading, as always. I truly love y'all and the way you've been so supportive and receptive of my brain vomit.