It had been a few days after Loona learned how to use her Vision and the IMPs had dealt with Xiangling.
So far, no new clients, and to call the tasks the guild assigned to them "Adventures" is a generous term.
As they walked in the Mondstadt streets to pass the time, they noticed a man. He had light brown eyes, and tousled reddish-brown hair swept to one side. He wore a leather vest and leather boots.
« Greetings! I am Timaeus, researcher of alchemy. Welcome to Mondstadt! » the man introduced himself.
« Alchemy, huh? Well this might be fun to pass the time, go on. » Blitzo replied.
« Alchemy is a craft that has been passed down since ancient times, but it is barely understood in the present. » Timateus explained. « Its mechanisms are magical and mysterious, completely unlike the principles that shape our understanding of the physical world. If we can get the hang of this, we should be able to create some awesome stuff! »
« Sounds interesting…. » Moxxie noted.
« Indeed! Why don't you give it a go? » Timaeus proposed.
« Ehhhh….I'd rather NOT blow up this entire city. For now. » Blitzo replied.
« You'll be fine, the procedure is actually very simple. If you're interested, I can show you the basics? » Timaeus asked.
« Sure, why not? » Blitzo replied.
« Simply put, combine three items with Mora in a reaction that gives higher quality materials. » Timaeus explained.
« Sounds easy enough. We might give it a go later. »
« All we are really doing is following the methods of the ancients as best we can. » Timaeus replied. « Much as one who uses a wind glider needs not understand how it was built in order to glide. The difference with alchemy is that every time I think I finally understand how it's supposed to work, something totally unexpected happens... »
« Hey, do you think dragon tears work too with alchemy? » Loona asked, as she pulled out the remaining tears that they had collected before.
« Well, I wouldn't be surprised if it did. » Timaeus replied.
« Wait, we're still carrying all that shit? » Moxxie asked.
« Well, duh! I mean, we could sell the shit out of it! » Blitzo explained.
« Actually…why don't you use them in alchemy! I can sense a lot of power coming out of those things! I'm sure you can conjure incredible things with those! » Timaeus exclaimed.
Blitzo raised an eyebrow interested. « Really? »
« My knowledge in alchemy might not be that great, but you can call this an hutch….»
After hearing this, Blitzo eyes narrowed, and he pulled out a pair of glasses out of nowhere. He then tossed a coin bag at Timaeus.
« We're borrowing this bench for a day. »
« Happy alchemy! »
He then turned to the IMPs.
« Guys….we need to cook. »
Xxxxxxx
For an entire afternoon and night, the IMPs sealed the bench, as they conjured several items with alchemy.
The next day, Kaeya and Katheryne were casually talking, before a hand came crashing down the desk Katheryne was standing in.
Kaeya turned startled towards the owner of the hands, seeing Moxxie in a black jacket and sunglasses.
« Moxxie? »
« I need your butz, your clozez und your mutorcicle. » Moxxie said in a strong German accent.
« What the fuck are you talking about? » Kaeya replied confused.
« Holy Satan this place is enduring the Dark Ages… » Moxxie replied concerned.
« Just ignore my baby dicked buddy here! He's citing nerd shit nobody watches! » Blitzo replied. He wore a similar attire as Moxxie. Alongside him was Loona, now dressed with the same witch clothes as before but with more metal parts and sunglasses, and Millis, still dressed in the same cute clothes but, just like Loona, with more metal parts and sunglasses.
« Terminator is NOT "nerd shit nobody watches!" » Moxxie replied.
« I mean, the second movie, duh! Nobody watches the first! » Loona replied.
« What the hell are you wearing? » Kaeya asked confused.
« Oh we just used all of Stormfuck tears to upgrade our shit with alchemy. Apparently it works somehow! » Blitzo replied.
« You used the literal tears of one of the Four Winds just for some fancy upgrades? » Kaeya asked with a deadpan expression.
« Indeed! » Blitzo replied.
« Why am I not surprised… » Kaeya sighed.
« A-anyway, Ad Astra Abyssosque! Are you by any chances interested in accepting any new tasks by the Guild? » Katheryne asked.
The previously happy Blitzo turned towards the woman with an annoyed face. « Oh great, what other "Great adventure" must we perform? Did Wyatt lost his keys again? Nimrod still hides his alcoholism from his wife? Or did Godwin refuse to face the consequences of his actions again? »
« These aren't adventures! This is just labour and taking care of lazy fucks! » Loona complained.
« Well…I DO have something that might catch your attention. » Katheryne replied.
« ….Go on…. » Blitzo replied.
« We have another member of the guild on the field at Dadaupa Gorge. Her name is Dr. Livingstone. She'll explain you once you get there. »
« Is the pay good? »
« Indeed! And the loot on the field does make this adventure the more intriguing. »
« If you say so….»
Xxxxxxx
Riding on a mighty elemental robotic stallion, the IMPs reached their destination, combat ready with guns, knives, axes, claws, and jaws.
There, they met Dr. Livingstone, lost in her thoughts.
« What should we do... Although we worked out how to break the seal barrier, with so many monsters around... »
« Well worry not, my adorable Japanese sex object! For the Immediate. Murder. Professionals are here for their annual Chili Churros extermination! You point where the Chili Churros are, we do unspeakable things to the Chili Churros! » Blitzo exclaimed, startling the girl.
« Gah! What the-oh, sorry didn't see you there. » Dr. Livingstone replied. « You must be some of my peers, great pioneering adventurers! »
« That or forced labourers, it's hard to tell. » Loona replied casually.
« So what do we have here? » Millie asked.
« An ancient battlefield protected by triple seal barriers, which were set up by the survivors using elemental powers, to let their fallen comrades — their graves marked with swords — rest undisturbed. » Dr. Livingstone explained.
« So we're grave robbing, huh? » Moxxie asked.
« N-no we're not! We are adventurers who use their wits to conquer all mysteries and secrets! » Dr. Livingstone defended herself. « What truly is harmful for the dead is the fact that three Hilichurl tribes have camped here! »
« Why's that? » Blitzo asked.
« Based on the flow of elemental forces, I, the great Livingstone, have successfully worked out the location of the seal which keeps the barriers intact! »
« Go on…»
« The three seal barriers correspond to three Elemental Monuments located in three nearby Hilichurl camps. »
« So we just murder the everliving shit of these Chili Churros, fart out some elements to the monuments and we get a kickass treasure? » Blitzo asked.
« That….could be considered an answer, yes.»
« Well what are we waiting for folks! There's plenty of Chili Churros to peg, plenty of treasure to loot, and plenty of tombs to desecrate! » Blitzo exclaimed, as he and the gang went to the various camps.
Dr. Livingstone remained silent for a few seconds before…
« Waitplentyofwhat- »
Xxxxxxx
The IMPS had managed to sneak up to one of the Hilichurl camps.
In the middle of the village stood an Electro Monument.
« Well, it looks like you will have to get a crack at that thing, my sweet Loonie! But of course, we need to deal with the Chili Churros first! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Wanna test your new armament, sir? » Moxxie smirked.
« Oh, absolutely. » Blitzo grinned, as he pulled out two pistols. He then fired those to the ground, generating huge tornadoes sending several Hilichurl to the air and, eventually, to their deaths.
One of the larger Hilichurl had managed to remain on the ground, but was struck several times by Blitzo, who wielded a knife which sent out various wind attacks.
After a while, the larger Hilichurl roared in anger and charged at the Imp, who dodged and pulled out a tiny gun, which gradually turned into the biggest, most powerful rocket launcher this universe had ever seen.
Then, using Anemo energy, the RPG glowed, before launching a massive laser which struck the Hilichurl and evaporated it, alongside a nearby mountain.
« WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love this thing! »
« Who knew combining this world magic and hell technology would make for some kickass anime weapons!?» Millie exclaimed excited.
« And that's not even the best part! Loona! Brrrrrring out the…..urgh…..the "Cataboobinator"…» Moxxie exclaimed excited before turning embarrassed at the name of Loona's new Catalyst.
« Oh come on man, it's not that bad of a name…. » Loona casually replied, as she opened her chest to reveal her Catalyst, now embedded in her plate armour, glowing purple with energy. Then, she fired a powerful lightning spell, which activated the Electro monument and obliterated the village.
« Holy fuck that was amazing! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« One down, two to go. » Moxxie grinned.
« Let's show these taco fuckers what the wrong end of a 4985634956397465349856-gauge shotrocker looks like! »
Xxxxxxx
Second village.
« Okay, so who wants the honours? » Blitzo asked the group.
« I think we should let Millie go loose. I think I spotted a Pyro monument…. » Moxxie replied.
« Well then, bloody murder it is. » Millie grinned, as she dive bombed towards the Hilichurls, cutting several in half in less then a second with her comically large axe and burning others to a crisp.
She then pulled out several knives and begun throwing them to the remaining Hilichurls, impaling them with ease.
Another large Hilichurl stood in front of her, roaring at the top of its lungs. In response, Millie laughed maniacally and charged in with her axe, cutting his shield before turning him into ash with a second strike.
She then charged towards the Pyro monument and struck it with all of her might, setting it on fire, alongside the village.
« That was amazing honey! » Moxxie exclaimed.
« Seriously girl, how the hell did you end up with limp noodle limbs here for a husband! » Loona exclaimed.
« How did you end up getting adopted when you were 18 years old by Blitzo ?! » Millie replied.
« Fair point! » Loona shot back.
« Let us ignore, sadly, the day I adopted the bestest daughter in the multiverse! For we have Hilichurls to fuck! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Don't you mean kill!? »
« Both is always good! »
Xxxxxxx
Third Hilichurl camp.
« And then there was one… » Blitzo grinned sadistically at the sight of the last Hilichurl camp.
« Leave this to me sir, I got this in the bag! » Moxxie smirked.
« Uh, yeah, no. You don't Moxxie. » Loona replied as she spied the camp.
« Very funny. » an unamused Moxxie replied.
« No seriously, you don't. Look at that elemental monument. » Loona shot back, pointing at the Cryo monument at the centre of the village.
« Oh god damn it Moxxie, couldn't you pick a more useful element for your shitty Vision!? » Blitzo complained.
In response, Moxxie simply grinned, as he pulled out a flame thrower. « Vat killed ze dinozaurz?! »
« N O . »
« ZE ICE AGE! » Moxxie fired the flamethrower, but instead of flames came out ice, freezing all Hilichurls in the village.
He then pulled out an assault rifle and aimed it at the monument. « Chill out. »
He fired the rifle, and a freezing bullet came out, striking the monument and freezing the whole village.
All of the IMPs looked surprised at Moxxie. « Not so useless now, huh? »
« I want to die. » Blitzo replied.
« Oh, why the cold shoulders? »
« Get out. »
« Jeez, easy with the icy stare! »
« Get the fuck out of my sight. »
« Yeah, we should move before we get cold feet….»
« I will shove an RPG down your ass…..»
« Man, you really are a cold hearted boss, sir….»
« Oh Christ… »
Xxxxxxx
With the three barriers eliminated, the IMPs ran towards the treasure.
« Holy fucking Christ, what's gonna be inside? Kickass swords, shitton of money, unspeakable world-ending technology! » Blitzo exclaimed happily as he opened the chest.
Inside was….a shiny piece of ore and a small dagger.
Blitzo continued smiling like an idiot, while the rest of the IMPs looked pissed.
« Oh, you've found the treasure! The honour is your, mighty adventurers, for only you have achieved to open the seal and reveal its secrets! Be proud of that! » Dr. Livingstone had returned and congratulated the group for their deeds.
The IMPs stood there for a while, until….
Xxxxxxx
« ….and a little bit of electricity, some more fire, Moxxie get to work and add some more ice…..AAAAAAAnnnnndddd done! » Blitzo said, as he, Loona, Millie and Moxxie where charging a massive beam of energy whilst floating still in the air thanks to Blitzo Anemo powers.
He then fired the beam towards the gorge and shattered the cemetery into the wind.
The group then landed away from the gorge.
« YOU BETTER HOPE FOR A MIRACLE IF YOU PULL THIS SHIT AGAIN, TEYVAT! »
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!