On a tranquil Mondstadt day, a car arrived at mock speed, jumping over a roof whilst blasting "Grease" by Frankie Valli at full volume, before slamming the side of said car to a the knights headquarters and crushing an innocent bystander.
Coming out of the car were Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb, who proceeded to enter the building, and reached Jean's office.
« Ya called, toots? » Angel asked.
« ...Thank you for coming on such a short notice. I know you must be busy. » Jean replied. « Well, to make a long story short, there is a particular matter at hand that the Knights requires your assistance with. »
« We're here to kick ass, and our asses are prepared for the worst! So what's troubling ya, Mein Fuhrer? » Angel asked.
« I have recently received multiple reports from the Knights of someone within the Lawrence Clan having close dealings with the Fatui. » Jean explained.
« I see that the Futas are as much as a fucking pain here as they are in China, but who the fuck is the Lawrence Clan? » Cherri asked.
« There was a dark period in Mondstadt's history when the aristocracy ruled over the city. The hard-won freedom that followed with the fall of Decarabian was lost once again, as slavery spread throughout the land. » Jean explained. « The first Dandelion Knight, Vennessa, spearheaded the revolution that overthrew the old aristocratic system and established the Knights of Favonius, leading Mondstadt to become the city that you see today. »
« Guess that said aristocrats were none other than the Lawrence Clan, and now they're planning shit. Why don't you just Night of the Long Knives them? » Angel asked.
« Simply put, we have yet to obtain any solid evidence. The reason I summoned you here today is to ask you to help us further investigate this matter. » Jean explained.
« Okay, but why don't you guys do it? » Cherri asked.
« Unfortunately, the Knights of Favonius and the aristocracy have been at odds with one another for as long as I can remember. We have already considered every possible way of resolving our differences, but it seems the descendants of the aristocracy remain antagonistic towards the Knights... » Jean explained. « ...No matter what stance we take when dealing with them, the outcome is always the same... Our efforts only result in adding more fuel to the flames. We could come knocking on their door on the grounds of a search warrant, but if the investigation were to come up empty, I'm afraid tensions and distrust would only increase. »
« I mean, makes sense. But what about the Imps? » Angel asked.
« This job needs the right touch, not half of Mondstadt in fucking flames. » Jean hissed out. « You, on the other hand, have a good record so far as adventurers, and given your last visit to Mondstadt let to no damage whatsoever despite the presence of the Radio Demon, you lot are the best bet I have so far. »
« You clearly haven't seen what we can do in Liyue, but sure, we'll butter him up for ya…» Angel smirked.
« The name of the Lawrence Clan member in question is Schubert. Lately, he can often be found strolling in the northern city walls. » Jean explained. « It is said that he is difficult to get along with due to his temperamental disposition, but if we approach him calmly, then things should go off without a hitch. »
Xxxxxxx
After a while, the duo finally reached their target.
« Hello pal! Nice day, ain't it? » Angel greeted the man.
« Hmph... "Hello"? » the man asked indignant.
« …Uh…Hello indeed? » Angel asked confused.
« Did I hear you correctly? "Hello"? » the man shot back.
« Yeah? Got a fucking problem with that? » Angel asked irritated.
« Hmph! And I suppose you think that you can simply strut up here and greet me in such an ignoble and vulgar manner? Given that I don't recognize you, I can only assume that you are a traveler of some variety. I'll have you know that you are speaking with the Schubert Lawrence, a blood descendant of the magnanimous nobility. » the man, Schubert, replied. « If you wish to address me, you'd best consider your words more carefully. Such nonchalant manners are inadmissible and will never do. Now, if you're somehow capable of understanding anything I've said, then you will get down on your knees, apologize for your negligent actions, and give me a proper introduction. That is the appropriate etiquette! »
« What the fuck are you on about, edgelord!? » Cherri asked confused.
« Hmph, in former times when people knew their place and respected traditions, such conduct was only basic courtesy when greeting a nobleman. And neglecting your manners would result in a swift whipping. » Schubert sighed. « But look at the world now, rules have been thrown to the wayside and manners forgotten. Ugh, I cannot bear to see such degradation. »
« Hey fuckface! Newsflash, your shitty North Korea regime knockoff fell out of fashion long ago. » Angel shot back.
« What did you say? You dare question the dignity of the nobility? And with such vulgarity too! » Schubert exclaimed angrily. « I'll have you know that though the Lawrence Clan is in decline, myself and others of noble blood are looking for a chance to restore our rightful honour. Just look around, the people are unruly and undisciplined! I, however, strive to retain the elegance and etiquette of the nobility. After all, we are of a completely different breed by birth. »
« Well, I can see we started with the wrong foot…» Angel sighed, before kneeling down. « So how 'bout I prostrate before ya and suck that limp sword of yours? »
« You…You filthy-! » was all a disgusted Schubert exclaimed, before storming off.
« Good luck "restoring your honour", fuckface! » Angel waved him, before laughing. « Well, things went to shit. We're gonna need some help with the fucker. »
« Problems with the Lawrence Clan, huh? » a voice called the two demons over.
« Amber, right? » Cherri recognized the girl.
« That's me. » Amber replied.
« Well, to put it simply, we need to get on his good side, and he's a fucking pain in the ass. » Angel explained.
« Hehehe, I've been on the receiving end of his lectures many a time. The Lawrence clan can be very particular about such things. » Amber explained.
« You mean they're fucking annoying, right? » Angel sighed.
« As aristocrats, they believe there should be a certain distance between themselves and common folk. I understand their thinking, but that's just not how things are anymore. » Amber sighed. « However, there is one exception among the Lawrence Clan. My good buddy — Eula! »
« Femboys be praised! A normal fucking human being! » Angel exclaimed.
« That's right! Not only is she from the Lawrence Clan, but she's also Captain of the Knights of Favonius 4th Company. She's not quite like the other members of her clan. She has her own beliefs and it shows. » Amber explained. « In other words, she doesn't really adhere to the strict rules and conventions of her family. However, she's still quite knowledgeable about dealing with the Lawrences. I'm sure you'll see what I mean if you meet her. »
« Something tells me that the family business ain't that happy about her, however… » Angel smirked.
« Yeah, the Lawrence clan has frowned upon the fact that Eula joined the Knights, so her family members don't particularly care for her... » Amber replied. « In their eyes, Eula is nothing but a traitor to the family. »
« I like her already…» Angel smirked.
« She's very easy to get along with. Just explain the situation and I'm sure she'll help you come up with a way to get along with Schubert. » Amber explained. « In fact, I think she's out in the wilderness on patrol this morning. You should be able to find her around Stormbearer Mountains. »
« Well that seems useful. Time to find that hot piece of ass! » Angel declared, as he and Cherri raced off.
Xxxxxxx
After a while, the duo reached Stormbearer Mountains, where they found a group of Fatui.
« Ah, great. It's the fucking Futas. » Angel said annoyed.
« Yeah, let's just kill them. » Cherri smirked.
« Agreed. » Angel smirked back, as he and Cherri proceeded to bomb and shoot all the Fatui in the area.
« And just like that, we did this city a favour! » Angel declared.
« You don't think twice before reaching for your weapons, do you? Ugh... do you have any idea how long I've been tracing these targets? » an annoyed voice called the duo. « ...And now you get to stake a claim. Hmph, you think you're stronger because you got to them first? Ugh... mark my words, vengeance will be mine! »
She had a pale complexion and eyes that appeared to exhibit sectoral heterochromia, fading from dark purple to pale yellow. She had choppy, unevenly cut light blue hair.
She wore a black headband above her bangs with a four-pointed silver, white, and blue hairpin to her left.
Her outfit consisted of a blue cape on her right shoulder, a backless black leotard covered in white on top, white sleeves, a blue tie, a pair of black gloves with blue palms, blue stockings, and thigh-high boots. Her leotard had a silver symbol on each hip, and the white cover on top was secured below her breasts with a black belt. Her boots were accented with silver with an additional strap, silver heels with spurs, and blue soles. Her Vision was pinned to the front of her cape.
« Well, ya snooze, ya loose, toots. » Angel smirked.
« Still, I'm glad you're unscathed. Confronting that number of Fatui at once can be dangerous. » the woman replied.
« Calm yer tits, we kill Futas all the time. » Angel replied.
« Why would I be concerned for the safety of my arch-enemies? » the woman shot back.
« Wait, I thought you were glad we were fine and all that shit! » Cherri protested.
« By which I meant, if you were injured, I'd have to escort two strangers guilty of stealing my targets all the way back to Mondstadt... » the woman shot back. « Which would mean you'd caused me even more trouble... my vengeance would be swifter still! »
« Fucking whatever. We're looking for a woman called Eula, a friend of ours said she was at least fucking bearable, so obviously you can't be her. » Angel pinched his nose annoyed.
« Actually, that would be me. » the woman, Eula, replied. « Forget the aristocracy, that's rude even by normal standards! »
« I can see why everyone fucking hates you Goetian nobility wannabe…» Angel grumbled annoyed.
« None the less... how do you know my name? » Eula asked.
« Your girlfriend told us about you. To put it simply, we have to investigate a Schrubert fuck, the lord of etiquettes, and we thought about giving you a visit before strapping electric cables on his balls. » Angel explained.
« Hahaha! I understand now. That's my uncle alright. » Eula laughed out. « But why do you mean to investigate him? »
« He's a filthy communist, that's why! » Angel replied.
« …What? » a confused Eula asked.
« I mean he's working with the Ruskies. » Angel replied, causing Eula to just look at him confused. « The Futas! The fucking Fatui! »
« I see... Haha, you have some nerve defaming a family member right in front of me. I will have vengeance for this, too! » Eula replied.
« Look, that piece of shit is getting into trouble working with the Russian mafia, either because they're gonna backstab him, or because I'm gonna mount his head on a wall! » Angel shot back.
« To the everyday citizens of Mondstadt, everyone in the Lawrence clan is scum. It's natural for rumors and unwarranted gossip to lead to such suspicion. » Eula replied.
« Maybe if ya weren't such a pain in the ass, people would be nicer! » Cherri shot back.
« So that's what you think of me? Yet another transgression to avenge... » Eula replied.
« Eat a fat one, tits! » Angel shot back.
« Hahaha, curious... We've only just met, and you've already given me three causes for vengeance. It's been a while since I've encountered anyone as interesting as you. » Eula replied.
« And the word of the day is "Shut the fuck up"! » Angel replied.
« I assume you need me to teach you the conduct of the Lawrence clan. Only then will you finally be able to communicate with my uncle, correct? » Eula asked.
« It's either that, or he's gonna find a horse head on his mattress…» Angel replied.
« Well then, let's begin your training immediately. It'll be easier to train when we're back in Mondstadt, we'll require other people. » Eula replied.
« …This better be fucking worth it…» Angel grumbled.
Xxxxxxx
At Mondstadt plaza, the first session of Angel and Cherri training begun.
« Now, there are two key points that aristocrats attach great importance to — your manner of speech, and your bearing. » Eula explained. « Let's begin with your manner of speech. Aristocrats have a very unique way of carrying conversation, even with mundane daily topics. »
« All right, let's start I guess… » Angel said, has he read a script. « "As the morning dew greets the coming dawn, so do I greet you, my dear friend." Wow, you wrote this? »
« However, such a phrase may only be used during the morning hours. Also, the party with whom you're speaking must be of approximately the same status as you. » Eula explained. « Morning dew is not uncommon, so it expresses that friendship should not be measured by value, yet also suggests that friendship between aristocrats is pure like water. »
« All that shit to greet a friend? Oh, for fuck sake…» Angel cursed.
« No no no, you must be prudent with your words. Calling someone a "friend" could easily offend them. » Eula replied.
« You just said that. » Angel replied.
« Yes, I did. But you must know, in the Lawrence family, "dear friend" is a set phrase that can only be used towards certain friends with whom one is acquainted, but not particularly close. It sounds much more pleasant to call an acquaintance a "dear friend." » Eula explained. « So another thing to remember — aristocrats are concerned with face and being polite. However, if you were to use "dear friend" to address an intimate friend, the recipient would think that you were deliberately trying to estrange them. »
« Angel…I just thought of something…» Cherri noted.
« Yeah, toots? » Angel asked.
« …Why don't we just stalk the fucker? » Cherri proposed.
« ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT! » Eula shot back.
« Sorry, we're calling the shots now. Anyway, we're off to get drunk after all that shit you put us through. » Angel shot back. « But, since we want to be nice, we'll just butter him up with some fine wine. »
« Hmph. That is acceptable. But how are you gonna stalk my uncle whilst drunk? » Eula asked.
« Yeah, the second you showed your ass, we called the Imps to supervise the situation. Don't worry, they won't cause any damage until we give them the signal. » Angel replied.
Xxxxxxx
Meanwhile, on Dragonspine, Dvalin was flying until he noticed a crudely made copy of himself.
As he flew closer, he realized it was the Imps, who had created a replica of him to supervise every single one of Schrubert's movements with their binoculars.
« …What are you doing? » Dvalin asked.
« Making sure the Lawrence fucks aren't working with the Ruskies. » Blitzo replied.
« ….Can I move the pool table in their old residence after you're done with them? » Dvalin asked.
« How the fuck do you have-» Blitzo exclaimed shocked, before smirking. « I almost fell for that…»
In response, Dvalin begun to play billiard on a mountain nearby. « Fell for what? »
In response, the Imps just looked at him confused.
Xxxxxxx
And so, the trio reached the Good Hunter.
« Oh, hey Eula! I see you've met Angel and Cherri! » Amber greeted Eula.
« 'Sup, Bunny girl? » Angel casually greeted her.
« Well, I just got back and was thinking about grabbing a bite at Good Hunter. But now that you're here, why don't we all eat together? » Amber proposed.
« Very well. It's been some time since we've last shared a meal together. » Eula replied. « Come, take a seat. We can discuss my uncle's gift while we eat. »
And so, the group sat on a table, and enjoyed lunch.
Xxxxxxx
« Yes, is there something else you'd like to order? » Sara arrived to take the group order.
« Could you please prepare a serving of my uncle's favorite, Gebratenes Fleisch mit Sauerkraut? We'll take it as a gift to him later. » Eula requested.
« Coming right up! It'll take some time to prepare, I'll have it here at the counter once it's ready. » Sara replied.
« Hold on a moment. Is this Satisfying Salad also something that Amber ordered? » Eula asked.
« No, she didn't order it. But because she didn't order any vegetables, I thought I'd throw in a salad on the house. You know, to contrast all the meat dishes. » Sara replied.
« So... we clearly didn't order this, yet you prepared it without authorization... Hmph! Mark my words, this transgression will not go unnoticed! » Eula shot back.
« Suuuuuure, make an enemy of the only person in this fucking town that doesn't wish you to be raped by a Chilli Churro…» Angel mumbled annoyed.
« Hmph, you should know me by now, that's the kind of villainous character I am! » Sara shrugged. « Well then... please wait a moment while I get the dish for your uncle started. »
« Hmph, delicious unauthorized delicacies... Sara will pay for this. » Eula mumbled.
« Also, what the fuck was that shit that you ordered? » Cherri asked.
« This dish isn't actually on Good Hunter's menu. Only longstanding patrons such as my uncle would know about the dish. The old aristocrats seem to take a liking to it. » Eula replied.
« Because of the sour flavor of the sauerkraut, not too many people are fond of it these days. I guess it's become less popular over time. » Amber explained. « Eula treated me to the dish once, and I couldn't even finish a bite. I've nicknamed it "Gebratenes Fleisch mit Vengeance" ever since. Yuck! »
« I never expected us to have such completely different tastes in food... If I weren't in such a good mood, I'd say that constitutes grounds for transgression... » Eula replied.
« Why is she a friend of yours!? » Angel asked in a desperate tone.
« Haha, it's fine when you're just joking between us, but I'm afraid Angel might misunderstand you. » Amber replied. « Eula's always talking about vengeance, but that's just how she is. It's nothing you should take too seriously. »
« But I am serious! And I'll remember every transgression committed against me! Ugh, it's no wonder so many people dislike you! » Eula replied.
« Hey, fuck you! How 'bout ya show some fucking respect to the only person that gives a shit about you? » Angel asked angrily.
« Listen, you've never been labelled as a social pariah, have you? » Eula sighed.
« I have been called a slut. Does that count? » Angel raised an eyebrow confused.
« So that's why you wouldn't understand how hard it is for a bad person to try to be good. It's impossible for me, and I have no intention of acting like a good person. » Eula replied. « Alright, no need to look so sullen... I'm just kidding. Come on, let's eat. The food is getting cold. »
Xxxxxxx
After a while, the group was done having lunch.
« Ooh, I'm stuffed. I'll see Sara about the bill. » Amber proposed.
« No need, I've left the Mora under the plate. If you try to settle it with her in person, she won't accept payment for the salad. » Eula replied. « Don't underestimate my ability to exact revenge. Hah! Sara won't get the upper hand this time! »
« Sure, whatever…» an annoyed Angel replied.
« Alright, next you should pay my uncle a visit. He has a small camp at the top of the mountain near Springvale. He usually whiles his time away there when there's nothing else to do. » Eula explained, before walking off.
« I still have more recon to do in the wilderness. Well, until next time! » Amber exclaimed, as she raced off as well.
And so, Angel and Cherri went to Sara to receive the plate.
« Here, the Gebratenes Fleisch mit Sauerkraut is ready to go! Be sure to eat it while it's hot, otherwise the flavor will be spoiled. » Sara handed the plate to the two. « And by the way, don't worry too much when Eula says strange things. She's actually a very good person. »
« Is she always such a pain in the ass? » Angel asked annoyed.
« Let's just say….bearing the Lawrence name has caused people to look at her badly. » Sara replied.
« Sure, it's definitely the name and not her fucking attitude. » Angel smirked.
« I mean…have you been around yourself for a while? » Sara shot back. « I have been around you demons for a while, and the difference is at least she's TRYING to do good. »
« Honey, I try to be anything but a slut every day, and you don't see people justifying me. » Angel replied. « Besides, I have a connection with plenty of people. What do you even fucking see in her? »
« Well, when she joined the Knights of Favonius, it caused quite an uproar. » Sara explained.
« What, did she scream "vengeance" in a loop for 24 hours? » Cherri joked.
« Many people signed a petition, demanding that the Knights reverse their decision. » Sara replied. « At the same time, numerous members of the Lawrence Clan crowded the entrance of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, clamouring for Eula to give an explanation. »
« …Ouch…» Angel commented.
« That's right. So, you can imagine how determined Eula must have been under such circumstances. But thanks to Grand Master Varka and the unwavering attitudes of others in the Knights of Favonius, they were able to quell the unrest. Tensions still remain beneath the surface, I'm afraid. » Sara replied. « In the eyes of the people, she's a stain on the Knights of Favonius... and in the eyes of the Lawrence Clan, she's a disgrace to her family. But she simply fulfils her duty as a Knight, silently helping one person after another, myself included. »
« Well I do suppose we should at least ATTEMPT to tolerate her. » Angel shrugged.
« Yeah. You should. We sure do all the fucking time. » Sara replied.
« Yeah, but at least we're funny and end world ending threats! » Cherri replied.
« Say that again after you blow up another area of Teyvat because you wouldn't know self-control if it slapped you in the ass. » Sara grumbled angrily.
However, as she said that, Angel's phone begun to let out a deep siren alarm.
« Code Ruskie? » Angel answered the phone.
« Code fucking Ruskie, Wilhelm Pieck is making deals with the Futas! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Hang on, where is the fucker!?»
« He's in Springvale! Near a fucking mountain! » Blitzo replied.
« All right, be ready to pounce, but not before I give you the signal! Got it? » Angel exclaimed.
« Fucking affirmative! » Blitzo replied.
Xxxxxxx
After a while, Angel and Cherri reached Springvale, and found the Fatui base.
Sure enough, they found Schubert, scheming with the Fatui.
« Did you bring the diagram of Mondstadt's defences, as promised? » one of the Fatui asked.
« Yes, of course. Here it is. » Schubert handed him a "diagram".
By the looks of things, it was less than exemplary. « Why is it so poorly drawn? Everything's so squiggly and crooked. And what is this shape supposed to be? »
« Excuse me? I'll have you know that I went to great lengths to carefully draw this map by hand myself! » Schubert protested. « That "shape" is the symbol of the Knights of Favonius. »
« Ah, I see. Crude, but I can make do. Are you able to verify that this is all reliable information? » the Fatui asked.
« Of course, you needn't worry about that. Don't forget what we agreed upon, the flag of the Lawrence Clan will fly above the Knights of Favonius Headquarters. » Schubert replied. « The rights to that building as well as the whole of Mondstadt belong to the Lawrence Clan. »
« Yes, yes, we will both profit from this agreement. There's no use haggling over the details. » the Fatui replied casually. « We will make good use of the intel you provided. Also, be certain not to divulge our identity. There would be diplomatic consequences, you know. »
« Don't worry. This matter is only between you and I. No one else will know of it. » Schubert reassured the man. « Once this is over, I shall stand atop the Favonius Headquarters and rebuke their pathetic rule over Mondstadt. Then, the city and all its people will once again be under the rightful and unwavering rule of the Lawrence Clan! »
« A plan ya got there, Karl Marx! » Angel and Cherri emerged from the shadows, weapons ready.
« You! You are the lowly commoners that I met earlier today! » Schubert exclaimed.
« Nope. We're the lowly commoners that you met earlier today and who are going to rape your ass and sacrifice your broken body to the machine! » Angel replied.
« I beg to differ. It was foolish of you two to face us alone. We outnumber you! » the Fatui commander replied.
« Oh, killed far bigger Futa swarms whilst outnumbered. But if its numbers that you care about, then we got company…» Angel smirked.
Before the Fatui could realize what he meant, Blitzo jumped towards them whilst letting out the Xena battle cry, stabbing one of the Fatui.
It wasn't long before the rest of the Imps joined the battle.
« YOU! WHY CAN'T WE EVER GET RID OF YOU!?» the Fatui commander exclaimed in despair.
« Because we're too badass for your asses! » Blitzo replied, as he begun gunning down the Fatui with the help of Angel and Moxxie, whilst Cherri tossed bombs, Loona used her Electro attacks, and Millis slashed them with her axe.
« And then there was the old fuck…» Angel smirked, only for him to realize that he had been killed in the crossfire.
« …God damn it…» Moxxie cursed.
« This…this is gonna be an awkward talk with Eula…» Angel scratched his head in embarrassment.
« Oh no. Woe me. » an uncaring Eula entered the scene.
« Well don't look TOO distraught! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Nah, I get it. He was an asshole, wasn't he? » Moxxie commented.
« Boy, you have NO idea. » Eula replied.
« Well, we killed all the Futas and a traitor to the Mondstadt Socialist Republic, so I'd say all is well in the Universe! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Anyway, I'll inform the Acting Grand Master. She'll know how to handle things from here. » Eula replied.
« And with that, we're off to Liyue! And I swear, if anyone mentions fucking vengeance again, I will S L A P them! » Angel declared.
« Amen, Angel! Amen. » Cherri replied.
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!