"I do not own Ranma or Tenchi Muyo. This is my first fic after reading many from various sites. Over the past 20 years, I have read many mangas, mostly slapstick comedy and shōnen, so most of my ideas are comedic and bizarre."

Deity for a Day (a Ranma 1/2 Tenchi Muyo Crossover)

Chapter 4: "Reality-Bending Romance: Ranma's Divine Screw-Up"

Ranma let out a deep sigh, his celestial energy subtly flickering around him. "Alright, so here's the deal. Xian-Pu and Ukyo ain't givin' up, right? No matter what I say, it's always 'Ranma marry Xian-Pu!' or 'Ran-chan, you promised!' or whatever."

Akane folded her arms. "Which is your fault, by the way."

Ranma groaned. "I also take credit for Japan's national debt.
Nevermind... I was thinkin'… what if we left the choice up to them?"

Akane narrowed her eyes. "…Them?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I could give them the option. I can make a perfect alternate reality where they each get engaged to a 'Ranma' that actually wants to marry 'em."

Akane raised an eyebrow. "So instead of forcing them to leave, we ask them?"

Ranma shrugged. "Look, I ain't heartless. They're still people. If they wanna stay an' keep fightin' over me, that's their choice. But if they want a world where they're happy—where they don't gotta chase after someone who doesn't love 'em back—then I can give 'em that.
Ukyo—she built her whole life around me 'cause of a promise I made when I was a dumb kid. If I ain't gonna choose her, then what? She just keeps chasin' me forever? That ain't fair."

Akane hesitated. "That… actually sounds fair."

Ranma smirked. "Wow. Us, actually talkin' things out. Maybe I should be a god more often!"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Don't push it, Saotome."

Ranma chuckled, then cracked his knuckles. "Alright, first stop: Ukyo."

Before Akane could say anything, Ranma snapped his fingers, and the world around them shifted.

A Life Unstolen

One second, Ranma and Akane were sitting at the Tendo Dojo.

The next, they were standing in Ukyo's restaurant.

BAM!

Ukyo, who had been flipping an okonomiyaki, yelped and nearly jumped out of her skin, nearly flinging her spatula into the ceiling. "Ran-chan!? Akane!? What the—!? Where did you—!?"

Ranma raised a glowing hand. "Heya, Ucchan. Sorry for the surprise visit. I'm a god for a day, long story, don't ask."

Ukyo blinked. Then she blinked again. Then she slowly set her spatula down. "Ranma… how hard did Akane hit you today?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "For once, I didn't hit him at all."

Ukyo folded her arms, eyeing Ranma skeptically. "Right. So let me get this straight. You're tellin' me you just randomly woke up this mornin' with godly powers?"

Ranma shrugged. "I mean, technically, I fell into a weird portal, but yeah. Pretty much."

Ukyo stared at him. Then at Akane. Then back at him.

"Yeah, no, I don't buy it."

Ranma sighed. "Figured you'd say that." He turned to Akane with a smug grin. "Alright, Akane. Time to prove it. Cook an okonomiyaki."

Akane froze. "…Excuse me?"

Ukyo blinked. "…Wait, what?"

Ranma clapped his hands together. "I'll make it so Akane's cooking turns out better than yours, Ucchan. No tricks. No swaps. Just pure, divine cooking skills."

Akane scowled, crossing her arms. "Ranma, I swear—"

Ukyo laughed, hands on her hips. "Oh, this I gotta see. Alright, Akane. Get over here and give it your best shot."

Akane huffed but begrudgingly stepped behind the counter, rolling up her sleeves. "Fine! But if this is some stupid joke at my expense, I'm throwing you through the wall."

Ranma waved a glowing hand, and a soft shimmer surrounded Akane. "Okay, there. Now cook."

Akane eyed him warily before reaching for the ingredients.

She mixed. She flipped. She plated.

And when it was done, it was… perfect.

Ukyo leaned in, eyeing the crisp golden texture, the flawless balance of toppings, the perfect drizzle of sauce. "There's no way Akane just made this."

Akane twitched. "Hey!"

Ranma smirked. "Taste it."

Ukyo rubbed her temples. "This is… amazing. Okay. Okay. Fine. You're a god. This is insane."

Akane pouted slightly. "Did you have to make me the proof?"

Ranma chuckled. "Hey, it worked, didn't it?"

Akane sighed, pushing the plate away. "Whatever. Just… get on with it."

Ranma took a deep breath, his aura shifting from playful to serious.
"Alright, Ucchan," he said, lowering his hand to the countertop. "Time to show you why I'm here."

The air shimmered, and suddenly, the walls of the restaurant faded away, revealing an entirely different world—a life untouched by Nerima's madness.

Ukyo's breath caught as she saw herself—not as a rival, not as a fighter chasing after an unwilling fiancé, but as a woman who had already won.

She stood in her kitchen, laughing as her Ranma snuck a bite of food while she pretended not to notice. They trained together, not as competitors, but as equals. In the back room, a wedding dress waited, proof that this wasn't a battle anymore. It was a certainty.

No Xian-Pu to fight. No obligations, no broken childhood promises. No heartache.
Just peace. Ukyo's throat tightened.

Ranma swallowed, his voice quiet. "This is what you should've had.
I wanna give you a choice."

Ukyo turned toward him, eyes wide. "Choice?"

Ranma nodded. "You deserve to be happy. I do care about you, Ucchan. And I'm done hurtin' you just 'cause of some promise I never even made. My old man sold me like a damn prize pig. Stole your choice. And then I made it worse."

The walls faded back in, returning them to the stillness of Ucchan's. Ukyo realized she was clutching her spatula to her chest like it was a shield.

Ranma took a breath. "This is what should have been yours. If not for my old man's schemes, and all that fiancé madness… I won't pretend it's perfect, but it's a place where you're happy, where I never broke a promise I didn't even know existed."

Ukyo's lips trembled at the edges, a glint of old hurt in her eyes. She inhaled sharply, trying to keep her composure. "So what are you sayin', Ran-chan?"

Ranma forced a small grin. "You can choose that life, if you want. I can send you there—where you already have me. No fighting, no regrets. But… if you do, you'll leave Nerima."

She tried to laugh, but it came out hollow. "Leave… and just disappear? What would I do about this place? My customers?"

Akane quietly stepped closer, speaking gently. "Konatsu can run things if that's what you choose. He's good enough and loyal to you."

Ukyo looked down, thumb stroking the handle of her spatula as if searching for comfort. "…And I have until—?"

"Until eleven tonight," Ranma said, voice hushed. "After that, my powers end."

She lifted her chin, letting out a shaky breath. A hint of the old tomboyish grin flickered across her face. "You know, part of me… always wanted any future where I wasn't second place. Where I didn't have to fight off Shampoo or Kodachi or whoever. I got so tired of being the other fiancée. I just…" She trailed off, lips pressing together. "But is it real, or just a dream you cooked up?"

Ranma shook his head. "It'd be real enough. A world where I made a different choice from day one."

Ukyo exhaled, gaze darting to the phantom wedding photo still dancing in her mind. She brushed her bangs aside, trying to seem cool, but the strain in her eyes betrayed a swirl of emotions—longing, frustration, hope.

"All right," she murmured at last. "I'll… think about it okay? This—this is a big deal, Ran-chan." A self-mocking smile tugged her lips. "You know me. I always said if you'd just chosen me from the start…"

Ranma nodded, swallowing around the tight feeling in his throat. "I understand."

Akane quietly placed a hand on Ranma's shoulder, and he snapped his fingers. The shimmering illusions faded. The normal walls of Ucchan's returned.

Ukyo took a step back, half-turning away so they wouldn't see her face. "Thanks for givin' me a shot at… I dunno, something better. Even if I'm not sure I deserve it."

She paused, spatula drooping to her side again. A wry chuckle escaped her. "Well, guess I'd better start cleaning up. If I really do leave, I can't let the place fall apart, y'know?"

Ranma forced a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Right. We'll, uh, come back later."

Akane gave Ukyo a small nod, almost like a silent vow of respect. "Whatever you decide, it's your call."

Ukyo looked over her shoulder. "Yeah… see you two around."

She turned back to the grill, clenching her spatula as she stared at the half-cooked okonomiyaki that had been forgotten mid-flip. After a moment, she heard the faint crackle of energy—when she glanced back, Ranma and Akane were gone.

Only the quiet hiss of the grill remained. Ukyo sighed, flipping the okonomiyaki onto a plate, though her appetite had vanished.

"Damn it, Ran-chan," she whispered, staring at the spot where the vision of that happier future had been. "You sure know how to mess up a girl's heart all over again."

She let out a trembling breath, forcing herself to refocus on the nightly cleanup. Because that was Ukyo's way—keep going, keep fighting. Even if a part of her still held out hope for a fairy-tale finish. Even if she knew… she might not stay.

Ranma and Akane reappeared outside the Tendo Dojo.

Ranma stood still for a second, then exhaled, rubbing a hand through his hair.

Akane watched him carefully. "You okay?"

Ranma let out a half-laugh, half-sigh. "Man, this sucks more than I thought it would."

Akane softened slightly. "It's not easy, is it?"

Ranma gave her a weak grin. "Nothin' in my life ever is."

Now, all they could do was wait. For Ukyo's answer. For closure.

The Xian-Pu Catastrophe

Or: The Butterfly Effect, But with Martial Artists and Space Gods

For a moment—just a moment—Nerima was quiet.

Ranma sat on the Tendo Dojo porch, arms behind his head, divine energy faintly glowing around him. It had been an exhausting day, but at least things were moving forward.

"Alright," he muttered. "One down."

Akane, arms crossed beside him, gave him a skeptical look. "You sure you're okay?"

Ranma exhaled, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah… that was tougher than I thought."

Akane crossed her arms, glancing sideways. "Ukyo had a choice. Xian-Pu… that's a whole different mess."

Ranma slumped forward, rubbing his temples. "Yeah… this one's a headache waiting to happen."

Akane tapped her fingers against her elbow. "It's not just her. There's Mousse, her tribe, and—"

Ranma let out a slow breath, staring at the ground. "And Cologne. Yeah. If she just up and vanishes, someone's gonna come looking."

Akane frowned, shifting her weight. "It's not as simple as Ukyo. Xian-Pu doesn't get to just decide—she's bound by rules, traditions."

Ranma rubbed his temples, frustration creeping into his voice. "I know, alright? But what do I do? Just let things stay the same? She'll keep chasing me forever."

Akane tilted her head, arms still crossed. "So? What's your brilliant idea?"

Ranma sat up, tapping his fingers against his knee. "What if I rewrote things? Like, made it so that stupid 'Kiss of Marriage' law never existed?"

Akane's eyes widened. "You're talking about rewriting Amazon history?"

Ranma shrugged. "I mean, yeah? If they never had that rule, Xian-Pu wouldn't be forced to marry me. And if she ain't forced, then boom! Problem solved."

Akane pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ranma, that's not just changing one person's memory—that's rewriting a thousand years of Amazon tradition."

Ranma waved a hand dismissively. "So what? It's just a small tweak!"

Akane visibly flinched.

"Ranma," she said slowly, "Have you ever heard of the Butterfly Effect?"

Ranma scratched his head. "Ain't that some martial arts movie?"

Akane facepalmed.

Step One: Ranma's 'Brilliant' Idea

Ranma snapped his fingers.

WHOOSH - A divine pulse rippled through the air.

Somewhere in China, the Joketsuzoku Amazon history was rewritten.

The Kiss of Marriage? Never existed.

The "Kill Your Defeated Opponent" rule? Erased.

Martial Arts Matrimony Battles? Completely scrapped.

Xian-Pu never had to marry Ranma.

No Amazon ever had to chase a husband again.

Ranma dusted his hands off, looking very pleased with himself. "There. Now problem solved. And no free will trampled… I' a genius!"

Akane just stared.

"Ranma…" she said, voice dangerously calm, "Do you even understand what you just did?"

Ranma smirked. "Yeah! I fixed Xian-Pu's problem, and mine!"

Akane shook her head. "No, you didn't. You just erased a fundamental law of an entire civilization!"

Ranma shrugged. "Pfft, they'll be fine."

Step Two: Time and Space Disagree

The air suddenly crackled.

Reality rippled like shattered glass.

Something had gone wrong.

Akane took a step back. "Ranma… what's happening?"

Ranma frowned. "Uh… probably nothin'?"

At that exact moment, the sky exploded in flashing lights.

A deep, ancient voice echoed across the heavens.

"ERROR. ERROR. DIVINE CONTRACT BREACH DETECTED."

Ranma blinked. "Uh… that ain't good."

Akane's fists clenched. "You think?!"

Step Three: Why You Don't Rewrite Divine Contracts Without Permission

In the skies above Jusenkyo, an ancient celestial failsafe activated.

A planet-wide alarm blared.

The problem wasn't just that Xian-Pu's history had changed—it was that the entire Amazon race had ancient connections to Juraian law.

By changing their customs, Ranma had accidentally triggered an intergalactic crisis.

Step Four: Kagato Returns (Because Of Course)

Deep in Juraian space, a prison containment field shattered.

A shadowed figure rose from the darkness.

Kagato, Juraian warlord and all-around universal menace, grinned.

"Ahhh. Someone disturbed the divine balance. How… interesting."

He snapped his fingers.

Immediately, an entire fleet of dark Juraian ships activated.

"Time to reclaim my throne."

Step Five: Tenchi's Furious Intervention

BOOM.

A massive dimensional rift split open above Nerima, sparking with divine fury.

Ranma and Akane barely had time to react before a blazing white aura crashed into the dojo yard—except, well…

The heavens looked wrecked.

Because the man stumbling out of that light wasn't just furious.

He was exhausted.

TENCHI MASAKI.
—Champion of Jurai, Wielder of the Light Hawk Wings, Defender of the Universe—

Currently missing a shoe.

His robe was torn.
His hair was singed.
His aura flickered like a broken lightbulb.

He looked like he had just gone ten rounds with destiny itself.

And yet, he still had enough energy to yell.

"SAOTOME! WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

Ranma, instinctively hiding behind Akane, waved his hands frantically.
"UHH, NOTHING!? NOTHING AT ALL! I SWEAR!"

Tenchi's eye twitched.
His aura sparked.

Akane, done with this already, grabbed Ranma and yeeted him forward.

"DON'T HIDE BEHIND ME! APOLOGIZE!"

Ranma, mid-air, flailed—
—spun—
—then SLAM!

Perfect Moko Rakuchi Sei—Crouch of the Fallen Wild Tiger.
Both hands slammed palm-down.
Rapid-fire bowing initiates.

"I'M SORRY, TENCHI! DON'T KILL ME!"

Nabiki, watching from the porch, sighed. "He's mastered that technique a little too well."

Tenchi, visibly Too Done for this, dragged a hand down his face.

"Do you have… any idea what I've been through today?"

Ranma peeked up. "Uh… probably?"

SWOOSH!
Light Hawk Sword: Summoned.

Ranma face met ground instantly.

"I mean no! no clue whatsoever!"

Tenchi exhaled.
"Ranma… listen, buddy…"

His voice started strong, then descended into exhausted rambling.

"I woke up thinking, 'Maybe today will be normal.' 'Wake up, make tea, sweep the shrine, dodge Ryoko crashing through a wall, and if I'm lucky, MAYBE I get five minutes to drink my tea in peace'- "BUT NO."
He gestured vaguely at the sky.
"Because SOMEHOW—I get a message from Tsunami. 'Oh hey, Tenchi, minor divine catastrophe. Don't worry, it's just Ranma.'"

He ran a hand through his frazzled hair.
"And THEN—BOOM! PORTAL. I'm dragged into Juraian space. And guess who shows up!?"

Ranma tilted his head. "Uh… the tax collector?"

"KAGATO."

Ranma blinked. "…Who? "Is he Chinese?""

Tenchi's soul left his body.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?"

Light Hawk Sword gets 10% bigger.

"He's an intergalactic RUTHLESS WARLORD, RANMA!"

Tenchi kept going.
"So then I had to fight him. AGAIN. IN SPACE. YOU KNOW HOW EXHAUSTING THAT IS!?"

Tenchi's eye twitched.
"I got punched through a space station."

Ranma: "Oof."

"I got yeeted into a collapsing wormhole."

Ranma: "Yeah, that's rough, buddy."

"And at one point, I'm pretty sure I WAS ON FIRE."

Ranma squinted. "You do look kinda crispy."

Light Hawk Sword flares 200%.

Tenchi took a deep breath. "Alright. As you are CLEARLY INCAPABLE of taking this situation even remotely seriously—BRING IN THE COMFY CHAIR!"

Ranma gasps: "NO! NOT THE COMFY CHAIR!"

Two more underlings dramatically wheeled out an exceptionally well-padded recliner.

Tenchi: "You shall be FORCED to SIT IN IT. With your FEET UP. While sipping—HOT CHOCOLATE!"

Ranma recoiled in horror. "YOU MONSTER!" He turned to Akane, desperate. "SAY SOMETHING TO STOP THEM!"

Akane panicked. "Uh—uh—uh—"

She blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "WE WEREN'T EXPECTING THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

BANG!

A CELESTIAL VOICE BOOMED ACROSS THE HEAVENS.

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

The ground rumbled ominously. The air crackled. Reality itself twitched, like it was seriously reconsidering continuing to exist.

Ranma slowly turned around—and froze.