Hello there! If this scene feels like it's getting you too down and you want to quit to save yourself the sads, keep reading. Trust me.

December 1990

Cassie froze as she felt the floo activate, but then relaxed a second later when the wards registered the person stepping through — it was Síomha.

A moment later, she came around the stairs into the kitchen, letting out a low, long whistle. "Looks like you've been busy."

"Yeah, I foolishly volunteered to help cook for the block's Christmas party."

Standing on a stool nearby, kneading a lump of dough that was eventually going to be raisin-clove bread, Nola said, "Cassie is maybe forgetting that to make food takes time as well as gold."

Cassie rolled her eyes. "Oh honestly, I already apologised. Besides, we still have a few days, we'll get everything in time."

"What, there's more baking to do?" Síomha asked, looking around the kitchen. "You mean this isn't all of it yet?"

That probably did seem sort of ridiculous, because the kitchen was already rather packed. Nola and Cassie had been baking for practically the entire day, only taking a brief break a few hours ago now to make lunch. (Violet had helped a little, but the plan today involved too much touching of slimy things, so she'd retreated up to her room before too long.) By this point, most of the central island and the various counter surfaces were taken up by pans and trays and bowls of various sweets — candies, spiced nuts, biscuits, sweetbreads, all kinds of things. Most of them were relatively simple fare, that wouldn't be entirely peculiar to see commoners making for themselves on special events, but a few were somewhat finer, like meringues and chocolate creams and the like. Cassie had the money to purchase supplies and the time to burn making them, so why not.

Right now Cassie was in the middle of making a tray of little strawberry meringue cakes, in a style she'd gradually refined from standard dacquoises over the years since she'd taken in Violet — the biscuits had almonds and lemon zest toasted with spices transfigured into them, which had been a somewhat over-complicated process, but Violet would love it. These would need a turn under the fire to finish the meringue, but they would have to wait their turn. Only some of the trays were actually finished, as such. Nola and Cassie were rather quick at making things, due to efficient teamwork and years of practice, but the house only had a single oven.

"We're cooking for the whole block, you know, and all their families coming in — that's a hell of a lot of people." Cassie paused for a second, reshaping the dollop of meringue with a wandless charm...there, that's better. "The baking is mostly done — or it will be once everything actually gets a turn in the oven — but we haven't even really started the cooking yet."

"...There's going to be cooking too?"

"Yeah. Like I said, I volunteered to cook for the Christmas party. I'm actually going to need to distribute some dishes between our neighbours' ovens for everything to cook at the proper time, the day of."

"Do you think you maybe bit off a bit too much with this one?"

Cassie shrugged. "Don't have any duelling things planned this year, so I had to do something with my time. Besides, it's the last Christmas before Violet heads off to Hogwarts, so I figured I'd make a whole big thing of it."

Instead of responding to that verbally, Síomha just let out a long, dubious hum. Yes, Cassie knew this was a ridiculous predicament she'd gotten herself into, she honestly hadn't realised how much work it was going to be until she started making up a list and doing the maths. "Mind if I steal one?"

She leaned over the island, finding an angle she could actually see the tray Síomha was pointing at. "Yeah sure, those are done. Spiced apple and hazelnut."

Focussed on finishing up her work with the meringue, she wasn't really paying attention — but she could still tell when Síomha took a bite out of the biscuit anyway, punctuated with a muffled groan of some kind, a muttered oath in Gaelic Cassie didn't quite catch. She had been speaking in English, for Nola's benefit, but she lapsed into Gaelic to say, "Fuck, that's incredible. I swear, you've gotten even better in the kitchen somehow."

Smiling, Cassie drawled, "Practice, Síomha, maybe you should try it some day. Turns out you get a lot of that when you stumble arse-backward into being a mum somehow."

"Mm, guess so." There was some kind of tone on Síomha's voice, before Cassie had more than a second or two to contemplate it she was moving on. "Actually, I wanted to, um... Can we talk? About something other than your fucking amazing biscuits, I mean."

Cassie frowned, glancing up at Síomha for a second before turning back to the meringue. "Of course. What is it?"

"I mean, we can talk later, if this isn't a good time. I can go check in on Violet while you finish up with all this. Is she upstairs?"

Okay, Cassie was getting an odd feeling all of a sudden. She looked up to find Síomha seeming slightly awkward, shifting from foot to foot, eyes bouncing between Cassie and the sweets scattered all over the room...and also Nola. Nola didn't speak Gaelic, but Síomha was aware he understood it reasonably well — whatever this was, it must be serious. Was her father being a bastard about her seeing Cassie again? Switching to English, she said, "You know, if you wanted to speak in private you could have simply said so."

Síomha shrugged, smiling a little sheepishly. "I didn't want to interrupt. Seriously, I had no idea you were this busy today..."

"Nola can be going."

"It's all right, Nola, we can just go into the other room for a minute. Is this a heavy conversation that requires coffee and biscuits?"

"Well, if you're going to give me an excuse to steal more biscuits, then I'm going to go with yes, of course."

Yes, that was why Cassie had offered. Síomha was going to be with her own family over Christmas, so, she might as well try some of the biscuits and things before they were all gone.

While Cassie started up the coffee, she handed a plate to Síomha — these all still had to be baked, but those were all done, go nuts. She quick finished up the meringues while she waited for the water to boil, these just had to be fired quick. Nola was about done with the loaf there, what else was still on the list... They could save the rest of these for the evening and tomorrow morning, and then that would be everything. (They'd need to take a 'break' for dinner, it was approaching the time she'd need to start that.) The spongecakes in the oven should be done any minute now, go ahead and swap in whatever was next in line when it came time. Was there anything else they needed to deal with immediately... Nope, it all looked good. That was it for now, if Nola had to take a break or manage anything else, just set an alarm when the next things were put in, Cassie would hear it.

They moved over to the dining room within a few minutes of Síomha showing up. A few of Violet's drawings had been hung up on the walls, she caught Síomha smiling at one of them — Cassie knew the geometrical, mosaical design was copied from a building Violet had seen in their travels, presumably she'd just been reminded of something. After pouring the coffee, Cassie cast a privacy charm — probably not necessary, but just in case — even using the incantation so Síomha would know what she was doing. She plucked a spiced almond up off the plate, before asking, "So, what's this about?"

"Right, yes. Ah..." Síomha stalled by picking up another biscuit, chewing and swallowing a bite off of it with unnecessary slowness. "I wanted to... This is going to be a little awkward and, um, I'm not really sure how you'll react. So, just... Bear with me okay?"

It took physical effort to keep her eyebrows level, keep a sceptical expression that could be taken the wrong way off her face. "All right, consider me warned. Go on, then."

"Yes, of course. Um." Síomha finished off her biscuit, took a slow sip of coffee. "I just got word, from Nuala." That was Fionnuala Nic Amhlaoibh, one of Síomha's friends — a former lover, in fact, they'd dated for a time during academy. "Where she heard it from is complicated, she's related to someone who... Well, that's not important. It's not official, yet, but the Board accepted my submission."

"They— Síomha! Why are you being so bloody cagey about it, that's excellent news!" She must be referring to the board in the alchemists' guild charged with reviewing applicants for Mastery. Simply finishing the coursework wasn't enough, roughly equivalent to an apprenticeship in the more old-fashioned way of things, candidates still had to produce some original work and submit it to the guild for approval. The exact process varied specialty to specialty, set by each guild, but Cassie knew recognition for alchemists was straightforward — straightforward but terribly selective, it was far easier for nobility or people with connections with the guild to be recognised without a lengthy career in the field. Síomha being recognised so young, especially since she must only have indirect connections in the guild, was exceptional. "Are you sure?"

Some of the inexplicable nervousness dribbling away, a giddy little smile pulling at her lips, Síomha nodded. "Nuala says they've already filled out the paperwork. I should be notified in the next couple days."

"Fuck, that's— That's seriously impressive, Síomha, didn't you only make your first submission a month ago?" She'd only finished her formal classwork back in the spring, she simply wouldn't have had time to make a second submission without Cassie knowing about it.

"Yes, well," Síomha chirped, giving a careless little shrug — not hitting the casual tone she was going for, ruined by the grin on her face. "Spectral mechanics on silver are a new field. The goblins are really the only people who can do much with it, and they're not sharing."

"Right, didn't you manage to change the melting point or something?" Cassie remembered Síomha babbling off about that project on more than one occasion, she couldn't remember the details. Mastery-level alchemy went well over her head, honestly. At first glance it seemed like a silly thing to bother with, since it wasn't like the melting point of silver was particularly difficult to reach — she realised doing it was more important than the effects, a stepping stone to establish techniques to do more complicated work with silver, just, it was so much easier to melt it with a heating charm or twist it into whatever shape she wanted with transfiguration. There were reasons she'd never progressed very far in academic alchemy, okay...

Síomha nodded, still brightly grinning, pleased with herself. "Yes, that was part of it. I also changed its photoreactive properties—" Fancy speak for any interaction with light, she meant she'd changed how reflections worked. Cassie vaguely remembered something about that, now that she mentioned it... "—which was actually the more unique part of it — people have already changed the melting point before. Or, it's been done with copper, mercury, and tin, it's long been theorised the techniques should be adaptable to silver, but as far as I know there hasn't been a successful demonstration yet. At least not one I've seen published in English. And the photoreactive effects were unique, and are even preserved through being melted and recrystallised, which is a neat trick, most similar alterations are instantiated in transmission, and can be easily broken with a change of state or disharmonic energetic disruptions, I had to anchor—

"Oh, sorry, I'm babbling again," Síomha cut herself off, her cheeks pinking a little. "But yes, I did alchemise silver to have a lower melting point, that was part of my submission."

"That's fucking amazing, Síomha, I was always told silver is— Well, alchemy has progressed a lot from my time." She'd been taught that noble metals couldn't be alchemised at all, but it seemed scholars had slowly been chipping away at that idea since she'd been in school. It was hard to say how big of a step this was, exactly, considering the entire field of study had been considered impossible when she was Síomha's age, but... "Fuck, an academic Mastery at twenty-four..."

"I might be twenty-five by the time it's officially conferred. Not the youngest Master Alchemist on record in this country, but..."

"Severus is a half-mad obsessive bastard, that doesn't count." He actually was the youngest Master Alchemist registered in Britain since complete records started being kept, and even he'd only been just shy of twenty-three at the time, it was not that big of a difference. "Just, fuck, Síomha, I was worried it might be something— Oh, we're definitely celebrating. I can put the baking off for the evening, catch up later. How about Le Galerie de Laurentine, my treat."

A somewhat bemused smile on her face, Síomha asked, "Is that the sort of terribly discriminating and horribly expensive place someone of my class can't even be expected to have heard of before? Because the name isn't familiar."

"I wouldn't expect it would be, it's in La Rochelle."

Síomha blinked. "You want to bring me to a horrifyingly expensive restaurant, in France, on a whim."

"Sure," with a little shrug, "why not? There are benefits to being absurdly wealthy nobility, you know. If I weren't, we wouldn't even be let in the door."

"So...how fancy are we talking about here? I'm not saying no, just, I'm guessing I'll have to change, and... Are we talking high formal, or something a little looser, where it wouldn't seem so weird to be bringing a ten-year-old along?"

"Not British formal, France these days is..." Cassie trailed off as a thought occurred to her, abruptly coming up short. "Oh. Maybe not La Galerie, if we're bringing Violet along. I wasn't thinking, it's sort of a– well, the patrons tend to come in pairs." Honestly, she didn't know why she'd impulsively thought of La Galerie — it came highly recommended by Narcissa, but she wasn't certain the atmosphere of the place would quite fit with the tenor of their relationship. Rather, well, romantic, or so she'd heard, music and candlelight and a view over the water...

(It did sound nice, she just wasn't sure if it would be appropriate.)

Síomha gave her a funny look, not sure how to read that — definitely thinking about Cassie suggesting that kind of restaurant, but what she was thinking about it was kind of hard to say. "Like I said, I'm not saying no, I'm just wondering about the dress code. There is someone who can look after Violet if we do go somewhere, right?"

"...Yes, that shouldn't be a problem."

"Good. Ah..." The funny look fading away, Síomha started to look somewhat nervous again, fingernails tapping at her coffee cup. "We'll see how we feel about that after the rest of this conversation."

"There's more?"

"Obviously — like you said, the Board accepting my submission is hardly something to be so cagey about."

Oh, well, yeah, good fucking point. "All right. Go on, then."

"Right, ah." Síomha stalled with a bite at a fresh biscuit...and then stalled longer, with a couple more bites and sips of coffee. It wasn't just Cassie's imagination, she was certainly nervous — which was making Cassie nervous, what the hell could this possibly be about? "So. I've been...given some leeway, you know, since... Well, there aren't a lot of people in my family in the academic guilds, so, people have been...more tolerant than they might be. Giving me more time to figure life stuff out. More than I rightly expected, honestly, I thought someone would make a point about... My father and my uncles aren't very happy with my eccentricities, I guess you'd put it, but none of them actually control my living allowance, so."

Yes, that sort of thing was up to the Master of her House. From what Cassie had been told second-hand, he personally held somewhat radical politics, so hadn't any issue with Síomha's blatant failure to hide her affections for women, and favoured Síomha in particular thanks in part to her intellectual potential being recognised at a very early age. Only a fraction of her family even went to academy, much less continuing on into Mastery study — Síomha hadn't said, but Cassie assumed they'd only been able to afford to send her through a combination of digging into the family's savings and leaning on scholarships and charity from certain religious groups. A less gifted woman in Síomha's position would almost certainly have been funnelled into a marriage by now, or else risk being labelled a liability to the family, which was never a good position to be in.

"But that tolerance isn't going to last forever. They're going... At the very least, I'll need to know what I'm doing. To make serious life decisions, you know what I mean? About what I'm doing with myself, and where it's all going. I'll probably have to take some contracts, to start help paying for the expense that's been invested in me, you know, but, I still have so many ideas for spectral alchemy with silver — I've barely even started, honestly, I have a list of... I'm not sure how free I'll be to pursue research projects, doesn't exactly bring in the galleons, but, as I can make time for it. You know how it is."

Not personally, but yes, she realised even specialists among the commons often didn't have the freedom to pursue their passions, occupied with the necessities of life. That there was another privilege of nobility. "I can see about setting you up with people who may need alchemy work done."

Síomha's face twisted with a grimace. "Ah... No offence, but I'd want to...keep that to a minimum."

Didn't want to give her fellow alchemists (not to mention her own family) the impression that her career was only going anywhere because she was sleeping with a noblewoman, she meant. "I'd only be introducing you to people. Where it goes from there is out of my hands."

"...I guess." There was really no need for that sceptical tone — Cassie wouldn't actually intervene, she knew that wouldn't look good for Síomha. "Well, we can figure that out later. Anyway, guild stuff, that'll be..." Shifting in her chair a little, Síomha cleared her throat, stalling with another sip of her coffee. "I've... Well, I know I don't really make a point of being especially verbal about it. With our history being what it is, and you... I wouldn't want to presume, you know. But I've been— These last few years, with you, have been wonderful. It's... I don't know how to put it," Síomha muttered, frowning down at the table, "I actually tried to practise this, writing the whole thing out like a damn swot, but I couldn't get it to..."

A sudden icy chill dropped through Cassie's stomach, pins and needles prickling over her scalp, as she abruptly realised what this was about.

Síomha was ditching her.

"It's not just— Being with you is great, sure—" Síomha glanced back up at her with a wry sort of smirk, Cassie somehow managed to plaster a bland smile on her own face, the effort grinding like glass. "—I wouldn't have been such a pain back after we met if it weren't. I realise it was— I know we probably shouldn't have in the first place, for all manner of reasons — my dad has certainly listed them out for me enough times, Diarmuid thought I'd lost my mind. I know you weren't in a great place, then, it... In retrospect, now that I know more you were obviously...not well, your family split apart and all killing each other..."

That had to be what was happening.

Thanks to her Mastery study, Síomha had had something of an extended adolescence, in a way — the responsibilities to her family of a proper adult held off for a time longer than it might have been, in other circumstances. This wasn't new, even. There had been occasions before when someone she was seeing was passing through a window of relative freedom in their life, their choices their own, but for most people that couldn't remain the case forever. Real life must come to call, in time.

Síomha was always going to move on — yet another person leaving her behind, unmoored from the ordinary rhythm of life as Cassie was. She'd always known this was going to happen, in time.

She hadn't realised it would hurt this much, the centre of ice in her stomach growing more intense, sharp edges cutting at her breath, her skin crawling, dread heavy and cold over her...

(Though she shouldn't be surprised, truly. She always saw it coming, unmoored as she was, and it always hurt anyway.)

"You're... I know it doesn't really seem like it to you, you can't see it from the outside. But you're practically a whole different person now — and I don't mean that in a funny metamorph, always a different person way. It's been..." Síomha trailed off, shaking her head to herself, a little smile Cassie couldn't quite read, feeling too cold and numb, the meaning opaque. "Watching you find yourself again, after everything you've been through, and being here for it, it... It's been amazing, these last few years with you, I've loved every bit of it. I know I don't... I wasn't sure how to, I, I didn't want to overstep, how to say what it means to..."

It wasn't goodbye forever, necessarily, but Cassie wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. It wouldn't be the first time that someone moved on beyond her reach, but after attending to life found they had room for her again. That had happened with Julie, once — they'd met around the time the youngest of Julie's children had gone off to Hogwarts, were together for a time, but then the war had started to kick up, they'd both started being terribly busy, and one of her cousins-in-law had died unexpectedly, leaving young children without a mother, Julie stepping in to help share the burden, and... As things cooled off and her family obligations lessened, they'd found each other again — not the same as before, something new, but regardless.

When her career was more settled, maybe even on the other side of family duties — Cassie was aware that Síomha did want children (part of why she'd seemed like a good choice to have over more often when she found Violet), her complete lack of interest in men simply complicated the matter somewhat, but if she could find some way past that... Maybe they would find each other again, who knew how many years from now, but she wasn't sure if that made it better or worse.

It wouldn't be the same. And that thought hurt, far more than she expected, it was difficult to not let on, she noticed the fingers gripping her coffee cup were shaking just slightly, moved her hands to her lap, tried to keep her face bland, she didn't know what to...

(She'd lost so many people, everyone, parents and siblings and nieces and nephews, lovers one after the next after the next, but she never got good at it. She didn't know what to do when it hurt.)

(She had a child to take care of now, she couldn't simply drink until it stopped.)

"It has been wonderful, sincerely, not— It's not the cooking, or the trips all around the world, or the gifts — I do appreciate all those things, obviously, but it's not... Or Willow, Mother keep me, I love that girl..."

Oh no, Violet, what was she going to tell Violet...

She was going to be devastated.

Maybe she could suggest Síomha should still keep coming around, sometimes, just for Violet's sake. And Cassie would need someone to travel with them so they could keep an eye on her while Cassie was occupied with duelling business. But Síomha would have her own life things, it was hard to say whether she'd be able to make the time...

And fuck, having her here after was going to be hard. It was hard enough just trying to act normal now, and it hadn't even happened yet.

She couldn't stand it, she had no idea how long this speech of Síomha's was going to go on, she just— "It's all right," Cassie said, her voice thick and stiff. Difficult, like pulling against a weight, grinding like shattered glass, she tried to force a smile. It felt wrong, like pins tugging at her face, but she couldn't stop. "You don't have to build up to it, to... It's all right, I understand."

"You..." Watching her, Cassie finding it difficult to meet her eyes, this façade was shaky enough as it was, Síomha's brow dipped in a frown. Oddly, it seemed like a confused frown. Leaning over the table a little, trying to tilt her head to find Cassie's eyes, she said, "Cassie...what do you think I'm building up to, exactly?"

...Um. The false smile dropping from her face, the ice shifting with a lurch, she— "You're about... You're breaking up with me. Aren't you?"

"What? No! No, Cassie, I— Oh, fuck," she groaned, both hands coming up to her forehead, "I shouldn't have tried to— I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think— Hold on, let me just..."

Síomha stood up, leaving the remains of her coffee behind. She circled around the table to the chair next to Cassie, pulled it out with a foot before plopping down next to her. Reaching for one of Cassie's hands in her lap, she felt herself twitch, but she managed to stop herself, Síomha grabbing hold. Pins and needles crawling over her, another disorienting lurch, like falling despite the chair firm under her, Cassie noticed her hands were shaking, fuck, when had that started happening...

"I'm so sorry, Cassie, I should have known being clever about it might have... Oh, I fucked this up so badly," she muttered, her head leaning over to bonk against Cassie's shoulder. "I should have— This– This is my mistake, I'm sorry. Here." She straightened again, squeezing Cassie's hand. "Look at me, a leannáin. Please."

Still shaking, the shards of ice still grinding in her gut, brittle, it was hard to move. But she managed to meet Síomha's eyes, bright and green and sharp.

After a second of just staring, Síomha hissed, "Do you want me to go?"

"...No." Rather intensely, in fact, surprising herself with it, she hadn't expected it would hurt this much, she...

She didn't want her to go.

But she wasn't going to, it, Cassie had read it wrong, the relief starting to trickle through her, shivering with sudden weakness, her throat burning and her eyes—

"Then I'm staying. I didn't mean to make you think... It can be hard sometimes, to know where I... You're a Black, you know, and I'm...well, not."

Feeling the twitchy, confused frown on her face, Cassie muttered, "What does that...?"

"Oh, honestly, Cassie..." Síomha sighed, her eyes tipping away. Taking in a breath, a flicker of nervousness stealing over her face, she turned back to meet Cassie's eyes again. "I meant... I was going to ask if I can move in."

"...Oh."

...

"Oh."

She wasn't leaving her, Síomha wanted to stay.

(Cassie wanted her to stay.)

"Oh good."

The relief shivering through her, her hand shaking in Síomha's, hot and bubbling, suddenly feeling numb and limp in her chair, her breath feeling thick and...

"Oh good. Oh good."

(She couldn't seem to say anything else.)

Síomha wasn't leaving, she wanted to stay.

She didn't want her to go, the thought of it hurt, it hadn't even happened and she still—

(She'd had no idea.)

Her head hurt, pounding, her throat aching, hard to think straight, the paired thoughts swirling together, Síomha wasn't leaving and Cassie wanted her to stay, Síomha wanted to stay and Cassie didn't want her to go—

"Oh good. Oh good. Oh..."

"Cassie?"

"Well of course you can move in! I— Fffuuuuck..." Cassie leaned back in her chair, her head tilted over the backrest to face toward the ceiling, her free hand coming up against her forehead. She could feel her hand shaking against her face, she couldn't seem to stop shaking, she— "Ach, I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm..." She wasn't sure how to finish that sentence, so she just gestured vaguely at herself with a harsh, frustrated sort of noise.

"...I might. You're used to people leaving you, aren't you? It's not really a surprise you— I'm sorry, a leannáin, I shouldn't have... I should have thought you might get the wrong idea. That was stupid, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." It's not like Cassie would have guessed she would have lost it this badly. Blood of the— She was still shaking, she couldn't fucking stop...

She was honestly taken aback by just how intensely she did not want Síomha to leave. The thought hurt, a lot. She'd had no idea.

"Why didn't you just come out and ask? You live here half the time anyway. Had a whole speech and everything..."

"Well, I don't know!" There was a sharp edge to her voice, Cassie tilted her head to look — Síomha actually seemed more embarrassed than anything, avoiding Cassie's eyes and rolling her shoulders. "It's not— It's hard to tell with you sometimes! You're a Black, and I don't— It can be hard to tell what we mean to you, that's all. Sometimes it seems, like, you can be so wonderful sometimes, but then other times, it seems— There are stories about the games nobles play, and..."

Frowning over at her, Cassie asked, "What the hell do you mean, stories?"

"I don't know!" She punctuated the little outburst with a shrug, her hand jerking in Cassie's a little. "I don't have a lot to— Cassie, you're the only noble I've ever met."

"...Wait, seriously?"

"Well, not entirely, classmates at school and the like, but we were hardly close. The only one I've ever known socially, yes. And I don't know how... Most of the time, it's not a problem, but sometimes, I don't know what we are to you. If you're... I don't know, I was worried you'd think I was, I don't know, out of place or something, and, and..." Síomha went quiet, after a second her eyes going up to Cassie's before immediately dropping down to their hands. "When you introduce me to people...you call me your friend."

Cassie grimaced at the subtle note of hurt on her voice. "Ah, shite. I don't—" She sighed, rubbing at her forehead with the heel of her palm. She hadn't realised she... Well. "Síomha, I don't give a single, miniscule fuck that you're a commoner. Most of the time it doesn't even register to me, unless, I don't know, you say something that reminds me we had very different upbringings, but other than that... I..." Grasping for words, she swallowed. "I d... If it... Sometimes, if I'm...doing it wrong...miscommunicating, or... Things like that, it's not— I'm just bad at this, Síomha. I'm so bad at this."

Her lips shaking with a reluctant smile, Síomha said, "With that whole speech, I was trying to be romantic. So, we're both kinda bad at this."

A little cough of a laugh managed to escape through Cassie's throat, half-strangled. "When I was... Talking about La Galerie, I was going to say it might not be appropriate to bring Violet with us, because the atmosphere is...rather romantic. I, er... I wasn't sure what we mean to you. I didn't know if it'd be appropriate."

Síomha nodded, a little unsteadily, her free hand coming up to wipe across her eyes quick. "Yeah, I...had a feeling. It sounds lovely. If you still want to take me, after that talk we just had."

Forcing a bit of cheer on her voice, "Well, we still have to celebrate your Mastery! And," the tone dropping, nudging Síomha's shoulder with hers, "your new home. If you still want to move in, after that talk we just had."

A funny, ambivalent, warm but watery smile blooming across her face, Síomha rolled her eyes. "Yes, Cassie, I still want to move in. Honestly, I... I'm happy to know you..." Apparently not sure how to finish that sentence, she just nodded — her free hand coming up to swipe across her eyes again. "The contract on my flat is up at the end of the Christmas season."

"All right. Good. I'll start clearing out some of my things."

"No, you don't need to—"

"Yes, I bloody well do — there's not any room in the closets, for one."

"Oh, well..." Síomha trailed off, blushing. No idea what that was about, obviously if she was moving in they would have to...

Making some room in the closets was a terribly small price to pay, really. She could relocate her things for when she was different sizes and shapes upstairs, it wasn't a big deal.

Weirdly enthusiastic to do it, if she was being honest. She wanted Síomha to stay, kind of a lot, it hadn't— She was hardly the most introspective person in existence, it didn't occur to her to sit around and think about this stuff. It hadn't occurred to her, it wasn't a thought she'd had, until she'd been slapped in the face with it, thinking Síomha was leaving, and then staying...

She was still shaking a little, just, it was kind of a lot. That had been unreasonably unnerving, and it was such a relief now that it was passed and she was wrong, and Síomha was...

She hadn't actually lived with a lover, full-time, since...the early 30s? Derwyn, in her early years as an Auror, for some years...before they'd had a fight about politics, and he'd left, ended up getting killed during the invasion of France, fighting for the Revolutionaries — fuck, that was a name she hadn't thought about in a long time...

The brave, stubborn bastard. They'd... It'd been class, that had torn them apart in time — he'd been drawn to join the Communalists, and for all her eccentricities she'd still been a noblewoman, the enemy. That was almost unbearably tragic, in retrospect. She hadn't thought about him, in a long time.

And it seemed that the same thing had clearly been bothering Síomha, if in a milder form, no active Revolution ongoing to stress the divide. Cassie hadn't even noticed, she hadn't thought... That was it, really, she hadn't thought. She'd gotten comfortable, just, not thinking about it, coasting along the windows of freedom in her lovers' lives, trying not to worry about when that window might close...

To pretend she didn't know this one would leave her too, in time. Like everybody else.

She didn't want Síomha to go.

But Síomha didn't want to go, she was going to stay.

She...

She hadn't known what they meant to each other, until she got slapped in the face with it. Because she was very bad at this, she hadn't...

She...

"Síomha."

"Huh? What?" She sounded surprised, and— Oh shite, Síomha had been saying something, Cassie hadn't really been listening. Talking about the logistics of moving in, she thought — Síomha did have all her alchemy stuff, but Cassie could make room in the loft, or even on one of the other Black properties. There had to already be alchemy labs at Ancient House, there was no reason Síomha couldn't...

"I was..." Cassie wasn't entirely sure where that sentence had been going — apologising for not listening, maybe? But the thoughts were too loud swirling in her head — Síomha wasn't leaving and Cassie wanted her to stay, Síomha wanted to stay and Cassie didn't want her to go — it was hard to make room for anything else. The words rising seemingly of their own accord, riding the pressure surging up her throat like a wave coming to shore, "Do you want to get married?"

Síomha twitched, her hand spasming in Cassie's, reared back a little, her eyes going wide. Her mouth opened as though to say something, but nothing came out, just staring back at Cassie and—

"It couldn't be legal in Britain, of course, the law being what it is, but there's no reason we can't have the ceremony and all. Might be wise to go to Acquitania or somewhere to have the paperwork done — so it'll be straightened out when we're travelling places that do recognise it, just in case. And at home, it would make sense to adopt you into the House, which, in the absence of the ability to legally marry, would solve the various legal and economic issues that might come up, and internal Black law is such that—" Realising what she was about to say, Cassie cut herself off. She felt the crackle of an accidental shift rock through her, but she was too disoriented to feel out what it was, exactly, some kind of lurch dropping through her stomach, the magic still simmering just under her skin, she—

"Cassie," Síomha muttered, her voice low and thick, "are you— Such that...?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but her breath wasn't quite— Oh, shite, oops — Cassie quickly pictured the correct anatomy and forced it out, magic flowing cool and sizzly through her throat, fixing her voice. (Apparently she'd abruptly stopped herself from talking rather more forcefully than she'd realised.) "Ah... It's..." She swallowed, took in and out a long breath. It was, just, kind of overwhelming, was all, this conversation, fuck. Her voice barely a whisper, "Children born to Black women are recognised as full members of the House. Doesn't matter if they're married or not, just that they're a Black. So...that'd be the way to do it."

"You..." Síomha's other hand had found Cassie's leg at some point, she could feel it shaking, the hand around hers tight. Her mouth worked wordlessly for a few seconds, a couple meaningless noises slipping out. Her bottom lip quivering, her eyes— "You would want to...?"

"...Yeah, I think so." The bemusement on her voice was so intense that Cassie could hear it, she— It'd been a whole thing, she'd been rather stubborn about it for ages, that she would never— A fair bit of the problem was honestly just that she didn't think she'd be able to not change things for ten months — that just sounded like torture — but also her relationships tended to be too volatile for it to work. People always left her, in the end, passing through windows of freedom, any person that she might be able to do something like that with, she always sabotaged it...

And besides, she could only legally marry men, and she didn't think she could carry a child herself. Not without risk of seriously hurting it, at least. There were ways to do it with a woman — there was blood alchemy, but she didn't need it, she could just transfigure the proper anatomy into existence and do it herself — but it would be a bit of a scandal, she'd never been in a position where the Lord of the Family would have agreed to cooperate.

But Archie wasn't long for this world — very soon now, only months, the healers said. And then Cassie would be the Lady of the Family, and her word would become law. It was actually an option now, the limiting factor being a willing partner. Someone who could put up with her shite, who wouldn't simply leave when life came to call.

But Síomha wanted to stay. And Cassie didn't want her to go.

"I never thought I would," Cassie admitted. "I... I kind of embraced the whole rebellious little shite role, you know, I didn't... But ever since I found Violet, I... You're right, the last few years have been wonderful, with Violet, and you, and us, and..." Losing track of what she was saying, Cassie forced a crooked smirk on her face, as much of a joking lilt on her half-strangled voice as she could manage. "Besides, Violet's about to leave for Hogwarts. We're going to need a fresh one."

A surprised laugh, hot and wet and— "A fresh one, you, really, I—" Leaning in closer toward Cassie, head tilting to better find her eyes, Síomha hissed, "You– you're serious? Really? You better not be joking around with me right now, Cassie..."

"No, I...I think I am. Serious. I mean, this is... I'm as surprised as you, I never thought I would— If you'd rather just forget about it, I wouldn't blame you, I'm such a fucking mess, I—"

"No," Síomha snapped, one hand jumping up to Cassie's arm and the other snagging her free hand. "Don't do that, don't you dare try to take it back. I'm not leaving, remember? You may be a fucking mess, but you're my fucking mess, dammit."

"...Um." Cassie didn't know what she was supposed to do with that.

"You're just, I— I'm— You're so ridiculous!" she suddenly laughed, sounding halfway hysterical. "I can't— Come here," tugging at Cassie's dress, pulling her closer, and then one hand was in Cassie's hair, and suddenly Síomha was kissing her.

Firm and wet (salty, tears) and ecstatic, almost seeming to vibrate, Cassie clung at her without really thinking, the hand in her hair fisting a little, but she hardly felt it, sinking closer into Síomha, she could hardly breathe—

Síomha broke for breath, practically shivering against her, tilting to press her forehead to Cassie's. Síomha whispered against her lips, "Marry me." Breaking for a breathless little giggle, pressing another shaking kiss against Cassie's lips, "Marry me, you frustrating old– marry me, marry me marry me..."

Her voice not cooperating at the moment, throat too thick and hot, she just nodded. Pulling Síomha closer, finding her neck, Cassie's face pressing against her skin, smooth and warm and smelling vaguely of winter spices and vanilla and rosehips. "Yes. Yes, let's get— Fuck..."

Síomha giggled some more, high and breathless and giddy, the hand in Cassie's hair pushing her harder in, the other hand fisting in her dress, breaths thick and shuddering...

They ended up wrapped up with each other on the floor, Cassie wasn't sure how. She was definitely getting Síomha's shirt messy, tears and snot, but that was fine — it was just a shirt, it could be washed. Besides, she was pretty sure Síomha was getting hers in Cassie's hair. After a while, Cassie had no idea how long, her face hot and her chest and throat aching and her head heavy, they moved downstairs to clean up in the bath.

Cassie never did get back to baking that night. When they were done in the bath, Síomha popping back home quick to change, she told Nola about the change of plans, went upstairs to tell Violet... Well, not about what had just happened, actually — there'd be things to work out first, with Síomha's family, they'd tell Violet when they had an idea of when it'd actually be happening. (It was dizzyingly surreal that this was happening, what the fuck.) But that she and Síomha were going out on a date, anyway. Oh sure, Cassie could drop Violet off at the Tonkses', just go ahead and pack everything you wanted quick...

In the end, Cassie did end up bringing Síomha to La Galerie — they had news to celebrate proper, after all.

Um, girls, I think you skipped over a few relationship upgrade tiers... Oh well, whatever.

Not sure if that scene quite landed the way I wanted, but oh well, I tried. Five scenes left before the start of the First Year arc.