Madame Masseuse
"An Ache to Wash Away"
Kagome stood in her ensuite bathroom, naked, her phone clutched in both hands as she scrolled through their texts from that evening.
Enjoy your Friday night without me, Inu!
Lol thx. What will u do without me?
Who knows? I have the whole night ahead of me—maybe I'll make some bad decisions
Shit, Ill be right there
LOL! Stay, boy—enjoy your little work dinner
I think Id rather make some bad decisions with u
Lol you're so bad
U like it
Lol no comment—have fun Inu
Then, once he had been about an hour into his meal:
U better not be making bad decisions without me, K
Lol isn't it rude to text at dinner?
What's rude is that I'm out with these clowns instead of making out with u
Why, Inuyasha, are you admitting you miss me?
No, I'd just rather have my mouth on u than be here
Well that makes two of us lol. You having fun at all?
The whiskeys making it bearable
Yikes—that bad eh?
Then an hour ago:
Does she miss me yet?
IDK—what's in it for her if she says yes?
A mouthful of my tongue
LOL then yes, I miss you VERY much—go back to your dinner/whiskey, Inu
Lol fine—call me later
No, you call ME later
Lol fine
Kagome sighed, scrolled back up to the top and read through the messages again. Her hair tickled her shoulders with the movements of her upper torso, and she snorted, deciding she'd had enough of wallowing in Inuyasha's absence.
Kagome deposited her phone in the respective slot on her bath caddy then gazed at herself in the mirror. A cold shiver raked across her skin, leaving risen flesh in its wake. Her nipples stood hard and prominent between her locks of hair. In their attention-deprived state, they felt overly sensitive—even the wisps of her hair had a noticeable presence, curtaining the tender pink buds.
Good grief—ever since a certain dog demon came into her life, it's been perma-hard nips and overly-slick vag.
Kagome hated it.
She hated that she still felt hesitant to do anything about it.
She drew her lips to the side as she stared at her reflection, trying to imagine what it would look like if said dog demon were with her, standing beside her—also naked. She imagined what it would look like to see his hands on her body, touching her where she ached to be touched. Her mind found the image too easy to paint—the stark contrast of her paler skin beneath his, the way his fingernails would leave gooseflesh in their wake as he dragged them from her head to her toes, stopping at every single pleasure point along the way. Knowing him, he'd probably maintain eye contact with her in the mirror the entire time he touched her...
"This is getting ridiculous," Kagome grumbled to absolutely no one, blowing out a heated breath and cupping her forehead.
She sighed, again, because that was apparently what she did these days—she ached for Inuyasha and she sighed about it.
Since seeing him on Saturday—when he had come over and Kagome was drunk and way too willing to make poor judgment calls—Kagome tried to rationalize why she kept herself at a distance from him. Sango's words from the bar and at lunchbreaks over the week resonated with Kagome—she was a grown woman who desperately wanted to fuck a very-interested-in-her man.
Was it really just a fear of rejection that kept her from satisfying a longstanding appetency?
Could admitting the truth and taking a risk with him feel any worse than how she did currently?
When had she and Inuyasha started dancing around the truth? It made their dynamic feel weird, off—they had always reciprocated and adhered to the brutal honesty parameters that was a trademark of their friendship. When had that changed? Because at some point things just kind of shifted, and they stopped asking for truths, stopped holding the other accountable to share what they thought or how they felt.
When had Kagome decided to keep her cards close to her chest, and been left wondering what sort of hand Inuyasha withheld from her?
She hated it.
She actually missed their truth-telling.
While her hidden truth felt large and secretive and private, it simultaneously felt so enormous she wanted to scream it out loud. She wanted to unburden herself, reveal the truth to Inuyasha so she could be free from the strain of its weight.
Giving her touch-starved breasts one final lookover in the mirror, Kagome exhaled heavily and turned towards her now-full bathtub.
Kagome groaned as she slid into the bathwater, relishing the burn of hot water until her chin dipped into the frothy wonderfulness. She bent her legs, her kneecaps breaking the bubbled surface, and she adjusted the chestnut bathtub caddy so her book, glass of wine, and phone were easily accessible.
She sighed a cathartic and heavy release of air—which she promised would be her last—and did her best to let go of the stress of her week. She washed it down with a mouthful of wine.
This was the second Friday in a row she hadn't seen Inuyasha. It made her question if Friday figs would even be a thing for them anymore.
Kagome's chest felt heavy recounting their last two ad hoc get-togethers that Inuyasha had instigated. Their closeness. Her desire that left her feeling shaken up, wildly in need of release.
And not from any of the toys in her bedside drawer.
But from a certain someone.
When Kagome worked her usual Wednesday shift this week, she had confessed to Sango over lunchtime that Kagome planned to use her Friday fig with Inuyasha to confess how'd she been feeling. Sango's reassurance that Kagome was making the right call had left Kagome feeling self-assured about her decision, despite her nervousness. She rode that high of relief for the next day and a half, knowing that the end was in sight for the hidden truth that was an unwelcome harbinger in her heart.
Until Inuyasha called her on Thursday night to say he'd need to raincheck because of a work-related dinner.
So, Kagome decided to take that as a sign from the universe that maybe now wasn't the right time to be that open with Inuyasha.
She just couldn't seem to catch a break.
Kagome blew a heavy breath that sent bubbles flying over the edge of the tub.
When Kagome woke up on the Sunday feeling hungover and just generally terrible, she was beyond grateful that Inuyasha showed no animosity towards her—given the weirdness between them when he left the night before. Kagome had nursed her pounding head with a dreading heart over what she'd say to him, how she'd apologize. If he'd find it weird or somehow offensive if she didn't even acknowledge it and just pushed forward with their friendship.
Yet, whether it was a lack of bravery or a modicum of embarrassment on both their parts, neither of them spoke about what had happened between them on Saturday. And then they seemed to naturally fall back into their routine banter and flirting for the rest of the week.
Kagome didn't know if that bothered her not, that neither of them acknowledged her drunken shenanigans, or Inuyasha's brutal admission of a doomsday timer for their friendship.
Or the look on his face when he left, which had haunted Kagome all week.
That was the biggest specter following Kagome around since Saturday—the ambiguous mixture of misery and disappointment that Inuyasha wore when he left her apartment. Anytime Kagome felt inclined to let pussyfooting around her emotions take the reins of her decision-making, that face of Inuyasha's appeared in her mind's eye and she was resolute all over again that she needed to be upfront with him—for both their sakes.
Especially since Inuyasha had been the first to verbalize that things, if left the way they were, would end. And there was no way Kagome could just let him go without giving their friendship the courtesy of her honesty.
She didn't want to let him go at all.
Not that I can blame him, she thought, morosely. Why the hell is he so willing to stick around knowing it's guaranteed blue balls every time he sees me? Could he have feelings for me? I mean, why? WHY? Why is he sticking around?
Do I have the balls to ask him that? To request the brutal truth of how he feels?
Kagome lifted her phone to check the time—it was past midnight now and officially no longer Friday. For some reason, that made her feel sad.
She had decided to spend her Inuyasha-less Friday with Sango, followed by a quiet evening at home. Deciding drunken confessions weren't something she wanted to repeat, the two women met up for dinner and decided to call it an early night. It wasn't until close to Kagome's usual weekend bedtime that she started feeling restless.
Then that restlessness led to a mania that had her wanting to text Inuyasha, to call Inuyasha, to invite Inuyasha over.
She chose to do none of the above. Instead, the freestanding bathtub in her ensuite bathroom taunted her as she was readying for bed and Kagome thought an impulsive why not? Before she could think herself out of it or reflect on the time, she added her rose and almond foaming bath soap to the running water, lowered the lights, and found some yoga playlist on Spotify.
Kagome dried her hands on the hand-towel she laid to rest beside her bath towel, and she reached for her book.
When her phone started ringing, Kagome jumped, bubbles and bathwater splashing onto the tile floor from the jerk of her movements. Her heart raced, drilling in her ears over the hiss of decaying bubbles. She leaned forward, gripping her phone, quickly bringing the device to her ear once she saw who was calling.
"Inuyasha—is everything okay?"
There was silence at first, as if her question stunned him. "Yeah, everything's fine. Why? Is everything okay with you?"
"Of course—yeah, I'm fine."
"Oh, okay. Good. Why'd you assume somethin's wrong?"
"You've never called me this late before. I also just assumed I wouldn't be hearing from you tonight."
"Oh." The word was drawn out with understanding. "Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I'm fine—you don't need to worry about me, Kagome."
She snorted. "I wasn't worried about you."
"Was, too—I can practically hear your heart poundin' with worry through the phone. Or is it poundin' with relief 'cause you missed me?"
Kagome snorted again. "Oh, shut up. You cannot."
"Maybe it's a dog demon thing." She could visualize his shrug. His stupidly handsome smug face.
"It's not—no one can hear someone else's heart over the phone."
He laughed. "Hey—why do I hear an echo on your side? Where are you right now?"
"I'm—I'm in the bath."
"Oh." That one was not drawn out. It was quick and almost a little flustered-sounding for being such a short word. "And you answered your phone?"
"Because I thought something might be wrong," she answered indignantly.
"Right—" She could hear the smugness in his voice— "because she was worried about me."
Kagome scoffed loudly, earning a pleased snicker from Inuyasha. "How was your client dinner, or whatever it was that made you miss our fig tonight?"
Apparently, she'd worn him down with her little term these past few weeks because he barely reacted to it these days.
"Fine. Boring. It was just a few guys from different brokerage firms and broker-dealer companies who like to get together to shoot the shit once every few months. It's really just a giant pissin' match. We have dinner, a few drinks, compare commissions, talk the market, see who has the bigger dick—blah, blah, blah. That kinda thing. What'd you get up to tonight? Any bad decisions to report?"
Kagome chuckled and watched her fingers as they moved through the water, inspecting bubbles as they stuck to her fingernails. "Nothing to report—I just sat on the couch and missed you, mostly."
Which isn't entirely untrue...I did do that after I got home from dinner...
Inuyasha paused. "Really?"
A fit of giggles echoed around her. "Come on, Inuyasha—I do actually have a life outside of you, ya know. I met up with Sango—we went for tapas. You and I should go there next week—they have this dumpling dish I think you'd really like."
Inuyasha scoffed at her, which brought out another batch of giggles. "On the topic of Sango, has she agreed to go out with Miroku yet? That bastard's been on my dick about askin' you to put in a good word."
Ugh, I'd like to be on your dick.
For the love of—Horny Kagome is the worst!
A burst of a sarcastic laugh flew from her lips. "Yeah, right! He could make an appointment with her multiple times a week and I still don't think he'd wear Sango down. Besides, I don't even know him! Miroku is your friend."
"He thinks she's close to sayin' yes. I was curious to hear a woman's opinion."
Kagome sighed. "Oh dear, your poor friend—he's in for a world of heartbreak with her, I'm afraid."
"I don't think heartbreak is even in the language that asshole speaks."
Kagome laughed. "You home now?"
"Yeah—I called you as soon as I got into bed."
"You—what? You're in bed?"
"Uh—yeah? Why, is that weird?"
She flushed. Was it?
"Can't be any weirder than you talkin' to me from your bath," Inuyasha added when she didn't respond right away.
Touché.
"No, it's not weird," she chuckled. "It's midnight on a Friday night—well, actually I guess it's Saturday morning now. I just assumed you'd be out doing something."
"I was—and then I came home and thought I'd call you and see what you were up to."
That was...kinda sweet of him to think of me.
"How'd you know I'd even be awake?"
Inuyasha snorted. "The marvels of technology, Kagome—if your phone went to voicemail, I'd've assumed you were sleeping."
She puckered her lips into a frown. "You and your silly logic, Inuyasha," she cursed sardonically, earning her a laugh.
"You feelin' okay, though? Your neck muscle thing isn't actin' up again, is it?"
"No, I feel fine. Why'd you ask?"
"Just seems like a weird time to have a bath. Unless it's one of those relaxing girly baths...or a sexy bath?"
Kagome huffed a laugh. "I don't even want to know what a sexy bath is supposed to be. But I'm dying to hear more about what you think a girly bath is!"
She could envision him rolling his eyes at her. "I dunno—somethin' that's not practical bath behaviour. I'm thinkin' there's...music—"
"Uh-huh."
"—and probably a fuck-ton of bubbles—"
"Not incorrect of you."
"—one of those wood tray things to hold your iPad and other shit—"
"I read books in the bath, thank you, but go on."
"—knowin' you, there's probably a full glass of Malbec—"
"I'm actually out right now—instead, I have a half-full cab sav keeping me company."
"—and—I dunno—some rose petals or candles or shit like that?"
Kagome laughed, making a buzzer sound at him. "So sorry, wrong answer. There are no rose petals or candles anywhere to be found. You lose—thanks for playing!"
Inuyasha chuckled throatily. "Cut me some slack, Kagome, I got literally everythin' else right."
"Alright, fine. Congratulations, Inuyasha—you are ninety-eight-percent educated on the goings-on of a woman's bath."
She heard him emit the little puff from his nose that he exhaled when he typically wore a cocky smile and felt smug about something.
Isn't that a little intimate? That you know what the guy's doing with his face based on a sound he makes?
Kagome wrinkled her nose at the thought.
"Do I wanna know why you even know so much about women's bathing routines, Inuyasha?" she teased
He chuffed a laugh and the sound brought a smile to Kagome's face. "Is this the part where you ask me to elaborate on what a sexy bath is, Kagome?"
"Nope." The 'p' popped from her lips, echoing in the space around her.
Inuyasha laughed. "Why not?"
"Because it's probably just your way of wanting to bring up masturbation or something else equally as bad that we, as friends, should not talk about."
Inuyasha cackled—he actually cackled. "You always love to pull the rug out from under my jokes, don'tchu, Kagome?"
She snorted. "I think your ego's just bruised that I know you well enough to one-up your jokes, Inuyasha."
"Yeah, yeah." She could envision him waving away her remark. "Okay, why do I hear birds? What the hell're you listening to?"
Kagome giggled. "Some yoga-slash-spa playlist with lots of birds, random nature sounds like waterfalls, as well as a plethora of twinkling and sparkly noises. It's supposed to be relaxing, but somehow it's just making me think of work."
"You getting all wrinkly yet? Is it time to get out?"
Kagome drew her other hand from the water and wiggled her fingers, noting the faint lines in the pads of her fingers. "I'm getting there, I suppose. I likely won't be in here much longer."
"Any excitin' plans for afterwards?"
Ask him to come over.
Absolutely not...I'll give in and sleep with him.
Um, yeah! Exactly!
"For after my Friday night—I mean, Saturday morning—girly bath? No," she laughed. "No, just putting on the most ridiculously unsexy pajamas I own—likely with oodles of cats on them—" She giggled at the irritated grunt Inuyasha gave her— "then heading to bed."
"Huh—interesting."
"What is?"
"I guess that answers that, then."
"What answers what?"
"She doesn't sleep naked, after all. That's too bad."
The flush hit Kagome quickly, more quickly than usual—her brain was quick to blame the not-still-steaming-but-still-warm bathwater.
"Well—do you?"
"Do I what?"
"You know what I'm asking..."
"You're askin' a question, Kagome?"
"Don't be immature, Inuyasha. Just answer the question."
"Remind me the question?"
"You know what the question is!" She laugh-growled at him and Inuyasha exhaled a sly laugh.
"Do I?"
Oh my god—this asshole wants me to say the word, doesn't he?
"Do you sleep naked, Inuyasha?"
She could hear the bastard's smug smile. "There it is—and here I thought she was gonna be too bashful to say it. Most nights I do, yeah. Why do you ask, Kagome?"
Kagome bit down on her lower lip and straightened her back to sit up further. She wanted to be annoyed with him, but she felt more aroused than anything.
Didn't he say he was in bed? What were the odds he was naked while talking to her right now?
Water rolled down her shoulders as her breasts emerged from the remaining bubbles. Inuyasha's admission had an image flashing before her mind's eye—Inuyasha and her in Yūki room at Madame's, a muscled abdomen above a beige bedsheet that tented with the generous length of an appetizing erection.
"You gettin' out?"
"What?" Kagome flushed, having been distracted—and even more aroused—by the memory.
"I asked if you're gettin' outta the tub."
"Oh—no, just adjusting. Why?"
"Just sounded like you were gettin' out."
"You could hear that?"
"Yeah, easily. I told you—it's a dog demon thing. It's hard to hide shit—especially scent."
"Like...arousal?"
"Especially that." She heard him emit an amused little puff of air from his nose. "What made you say that?"
Kagome curled a wet lock of her ponytail around a finger. "Oh—uh, I dunno—you told me before you like the smell of my arousal."
"Did I?"
Kagome smiled—he sounded flustered.
"And when did I say that?"
"The first night you had me over. I also distinctly recall the word delicious coming out of your mouth the first time you came over here, too."
Then there was last Saturday when you basically told me that you're obsessed with my smell in the most romantic and sexual way you possibly could have said it.
But Kagome wasn't going to bring up last Saturday.
"Did you not mean it when you said it?" she asked.
"No, it's true. Wanna hear another truth?'
"I won't stop you."
"There are two reasons I really like kissin' that mouth of yours, Kagome—"
She kind of liked that he always found a way to bring the conversation back to their kissing.
"—Only two?"
He chuckled. "Alright, fine, three. The way you moan like you can't get enough. The way your taste lingers on my tongue. And the way you smell."
She flushed a coy smile. "And how do I smell, Inuyasha?"
It's just this fuckin' incredible concoction of things in your skin that are all just...you.
Kagome felt a shiver spider-walk down her spine at the memory of his words from Saturday.
"Wetter than your bath."
"Oh, geez, Inuyasha..." Kagome wanted to fan herself.
He chuckled low in his throat, a rumble that left her feeling warm in her chest and cheeks. "Too honest?"
"Maybe a little."
"But—you like it?" He sounded hesitant. Hopeful?
Kagome bit her lip. "Maybe a little."
"You're soundin' a little flustered, Kagome." God, now he sounded gruff, husky—was he turned on? "You sure it's not a sexy bath?"
"You keep bringing that up, Inuyasha. It's like you want me to ask you what it is."
He chuckled. "I know you're dyin' to."
"Then why don't you just tell me?"
"Is that your way of askin'?" He laughed. "Alright, Kagome—I'll bite. When I say sexy bath, I'm thinkin'...you're naked—"
"A given for most baths, yes."
"—Feelin' considerably aroused—"
"Okay..."
"—Thinkin' about a certain someone who's gettin' your heartrate up—"
"Uh-huh." You. It's one-hundred-percent you.
"—Probably chompin' on that delicious bottom lip of yours while you think about that someone, feelin' a little hot, with your heart poundin' away in your ribcage—"
"It could be the bathwater," she offered, her voice sounding rough.
"—And thinkin' about this person—imagining what it would feel like to have them touch you—has you feelin' wet, an ache inside you that's drivin' you crazy—"
Kagome cleared her throat then licked her lips, adjusting her position in the tub.
God-fucking-dammit, Inuyasha...
"—So, with this same person on the brain, you satisfy this ache the only way you can in a bath."
"And what way is that?"
"With a showerhead."
Dear God, he paints quite the picture.
"My tub doesn't have a showerhead, Inuyasha."
"Then I guess you'll be thinkin' of me with your fingers between your legs, Kagome."
Fuck me...
Oof—wouldn't be the first time I made myself come thinking of him...
"Inuyasha..." She withheld a groan—she didn't want to make it so obvious how badly she wanted him.
"Yes, Kagome?"
Her face was beet red. "You—Why do you—?" She sighed. "You really shouldn't—"
"I can tell from your tone and how heavily you're breathin', Kagome, that you liked hearin' me talk to you like that. So, why shouldn't I? I told you last week, I like knowin' you're wet and wanting for me."
Kagome heaved a heavy breath, feeling lightheaded from her arousal. "You sound like you're trying to make this a sexy bath, Inuyasha."
Inuyasha laughed. "Why—is she enjoyin' the sound of my voice a little too much?" His smile seeped from his words. "I like the visual, Kagome. Can't blame me for tryin'."
"Let me ask you something," she said, keen to steer the topic away from sexy baths but not quite able to disengage from a sensual topic all-together.
"Sure."
"Why'd you wanna know if I sleep naked? Is that really something friends know about each other?"
"I dunno about you, Kagome, but I can't say I have many friendships like the one I got with you. I'd say our special friendship is the kind that permits me to certain information, like what you wear or don't wear to sleep." She heard him exhale a laugh, as if he amused himself.
"And what would my special friend do with that information?"
"Considerin' we're both naked right now? Definitely not jerk off to the thought of it."
"Oh my god—Inuyasha!"
Her heart fucking skyrocketed.
His guffaw was rowdy, unhinged. Kagome hadn't heard him laugh like that before. "I'm kidding, Kagome! I'm kidding! Jesus, you sounded—"
"—Yeah, yeah, yeah," she droned, unimpressed. Kagome indignantly nursed her blush while she listened to Inuyasha settle down from his bout of laughter. "But, you didn't answer my question—about why you actually want to know..."
"Well, I know what you're wearing—or should I say not wearin'—right now."
"Yes, Inuyasha," she sighed with a roll of her eyes, "as you've already established, you're talking to me while I'm naked. How does that make you feel?"
"I won't lie to you, Kagome—hard."
The word made her envision a tented bedsheet and the curl of his fist pumping up and down beneath it.
Kagome groaned—the sound more aroused than annoyed, unfortunately—and she brought a hand to her face. "You are actually the worst sometimes."
"You like it," he chuckled throatily. "Tell me, you blushin' right now, Kagome?"
"And if I am?"
She heard his lips separate as he grinned. "You know I like it when you blush for me—especially after I get a really intense moan outta you from something I did with my tongue."
"Tease me about kissing, Inuyasha, and we'll see how long we go before you start missing my mouth."
"I already miss your mouth, Kagome. I miss your tongue in my mouth a-fuckin'-lot."
She blushed and lowered her eyes to watch the last of the bubbles disappear. "Don't—don't say things like that."
"Why not? It's the truth. I miss your lips. I miss the way you taste. I miss the way you bite down on my bottom lip when you don't want me to let go. The way your tongue feels like you're fuckin' starved for me."
"Inuyasha..."
God—she was so wet right now and it had absolutely nothing to do with the bath.
"Yes, Kagome?"
"We shouldn't be talking like this."
It's going to make me do something reckless like invite you over.
Tell him—tell him how you feel.
I can't—the timing just feels...
"The fuck we shouldn't," Inuyasha scoffed. "Tell me your favourite thing about my mouth."
Kagome bit her lip. For apparently being so against this conversation, she seemed way too agreeable of a participant. She didn't need to spend any time thinking about her answer, either.
She sighed, knowing there was no way she could not answer his question. "I love your tongue."
"What about it?"
She paused to think about how she could phrase what she wanted to say in a less lewd way, but ultimately decided to let it come out as it came out.
After all, she did decide that she was going to be honest with him.
Maybe giving in to this kind of talk was the shove she needed to open up to him.
"I like how your tongue fills my mouth entirely but still never seems to be enough. How it's such a concentrated flavour of you that leaves me feeling a little high," she giggled, her cheeks bright red. "How stupidly skilled you are, Inuyasha, at violating me with it." She laughed at her words, at the huskiness her tone took without her meaning for it to. How his name turned into an aroused purr as it left her lips. "Because that's how you wield your tongue when you kiss me, Inuyasha. It's violating—and I really, really like it. It makes me wonder what—"
She stopped.
Kagome clamped her lips together so tightly, so suddenly, she held her breath, scared the rest of the words would slip out otherwise.
Oof—this kind of honesty felt raw. She felt too consumed by lust to think clearly about her truth.
"Fucking Christ, Kagome," Inuyasha groaned in a hoarse, tense voice that left her heart feeling like he scraped it over a gravel road. He sounded positively riled. "Where the fuck did that come from?" She heard him lick his lips. "Shit, that was hot... Don't you fuckin' dare stop that sentence without finishing it."
God, his voice was guttural and thick. If he was hard for her before... She wished he only ever spoke to her in that voice.
"Kagome. You need to finish that sentence. Now."
Kagome licked her lips and looked down at the water again. She was greeted with the sight of her rosy areola and puckered dark pink nipples. She considered cupping her breast but decided that was just—bad. It would be very, very bad.
"I want to know how good it would feel—elsewhere."
Good lord, she said it. It was out there.
Kagome's face was on fire. Talking with him like this over the phone, while she was in the bath—it felt so naughty.
Fuck, she liked it.
"Elsewhere isn't good enough. Where, Kagome? Where do you want my tongue?"
"My nipples." An aroused exhale audibly parted her lips. She heard something on Inuyasha's end that could have been him sucking down a groan—but she wasn't sure. Then, in a breathy, almost non-existent voice, she whispered, "Between my legs."
"Fuck, Kagome." She heard a thud that was likely Inuyasha's head hitting the headboard. "I can't tell you how many times I've thought about it. When I've had my mouth on you—your lips, your neck—and how fuckin' badly I've wanted to say fuck it and taste the rest of you. Your tits—your pussy."
Kagome wanted to gasp with shock, but it wasn't shock at all—it was need. It was something carnal and feverous. The sound came out of her as an aroused, frantic rush of air. There never seemed to be another option for her with him—Inuyasha had her in a perpetual state of wanting, sexual hunger.
"Inuyasha...shit, um—we—we really shouldn't be—"
"—Why?" The huskiness had transformed into irritation. "Why shouldn't we, Kagome? Do you have any idea how fuckin' hard I am for you? How much I want you?"
"I think I have an idea, yes."
Inuyasha sighed. It was the last sound between them over the airwaves until Inuyasha said, a few heartbeats later, "You never did end up answerin' my question from Saturday, Kagome. Will you ever want more than my mouth?"
So, this is how we're gonna talk about it... I knew it was only a matter of time before one of us caved to talk about Saturday.
Kagome echoed his sigh, but hers sounded more frustrated. "You know the answer to that, Inuyasha. You know I do. But, hey, listen, I—"
He interrupted her with an angry scoff, preventing her honesty from even bubbling to the surface.
Again—the universe must really not want her to speak her truth today.
"So you just gettin' off on givin' me blue balls, then, Kagome?" He sounded downright bitter now. "Like, what the fuck do you actually want from me? Why do you say go only to make me hit the brakes all of a sudden, like you're playin' with me? You want me frustrated? You can't pretend you just wanna stay my friend after the fuckin' paragraph you just moaned at me about my goddamn tongue!"
"What do I want?" She yelled around a scoff. "What the hell do you want, Inuyasha? I'm not playing with you—I don't know what we're doing with each other any more than you do! I don't mean to be hot and cold—you just make me want all of it with your stupid mouth and then I panic because we're not supposed to do more than kiss! I'm just as frustrated as you are!" Kagome braced the edge of the tub. "How are you okay with things being like this between us? You call yourself my friend but also my special friend? Like what the hell does that even mean?"
"I'm not okay with this bullshit, Kagome!" he shouted at her. "I've wanted you for so long and lately it's—" His words acquiesced to a heated exhalation. "When we sat at that restaurant and joked about kissin' being a thing for us, I didn't think it would turn into this—like I'd be fuckin' miserable with how much more of you I need. Do you know how much it fucking sucks—? Seein' you get so hot for me—hearing and smelling how much you want me, but then you come outta nowhere and say no?" He exhaled angrily.
"Trust me, Inuyasha," she spat, "the misery is mutual."
He exhaled a low growl. "Why are you doin' this, Kagome? Do you want me? Do you not? Do you like me? Do you not? Like, make up your fuckin' mind, woman! I'm not a goddamn yo-yo!"
"I don't mean to!" she shouted. "You have no idea how hard this is for me, Inuyasha—to want you as much as I do but feeling scared that I'm the one who's gonna ruin whatever this is between us!"
"How could you possibly ruin anything?"
"By developing feelings for you—which you made perfectly clear before that you don't want! By giving in to this stupid fucking ache you make me feel for you! Because it's only for you, Inuyasha! You're the one I have this stupid craving for that won't go away!"
"Then let me do somethin' about it, Kagome! Let me take care of you if you have a need that only I can fix!"
"But what if it's not just a sexual ne—?"
"—'Cause don't tell me you're not fuckin' soaked for me right now? Don't fucking lie to me that you don't want me just as bad as I need you!"
Kagome took an unsteady inhalation through her nose. She was coming undone. She wanted to come undone for this man.
Was there even the possibility of a win-win solution here?
He needed her to separate sex from emotion so he could get his physical needs met—before figuring out the rest, apparently. She needed to know he could accept her emotions before meeting her physical needs—maybe even be open to more eventually.
Because Kagome finally realized that she didn't want just a physical relationship with him. She wanted more—because a relationship with him didn't seem worth it without whatever this warmth was he made her feel.
But fuck—what did more even look like?
That's getting ahead of yourself, Kagome. You just need him to first acknowledge the connection you two have, and then see if he'd be open to the possibility of an emotional relationship—if it even got to that point.
Maybe I could surprise everyone and end up content with casual sex and not want anything more?
...Yeah—probably not.
Shit, do I really want to date Inuyasha? Am I even fucking ready for that?
Don't use that word—I just want Inuyasha. I want him to be okay with giving me all of him.
I need him to let me want him. I need him to want me back.
God, it seemed so much simpler in her head to tell him the truth. Now, it just felt...too heavy, too much.
She also didn't like the idea of having this conversation over the phone.
"Wanting you has never been the issue, Inuyasha. I've wanted you since I met you. Nothing's changed."
He loosed a self-deprecating chuckle. "Feh—things've definitely changed, Kagome. You're tellin' me that whatever this shit is between us—right here, right now—that it feels the exact same as it did weeks ago? That it's with the same intensity that you wanted me a month ago?"
"No, it's gotten worse," she grumbled, feeling hot, and flustered, with a hollowing ache riding up the centre of her chest. "Every taste of you, every time you look at me with this goddamn hunger in your eye, every time you tease me with just how wild and reckless of a lover you'd be—I lose a little part of myself that tries so desperately to remember why we stuck to only kissing in the first place."
"So, you're tellin' me that you're seriously fine to keep this shit up, Kagome, as is? Feh—I'm not willing to just stand around, waitin' for you to make up your goddamn mind!"
"And how much time is left on my timer, exactly, Inuyasha?" She scoffed. "You getting close to having had enough of me? Enough of whatever this shit is that we're doing together?"
He growled with frustration. "How long until you decide to stop bein' a fuckin' baby and just admit to yourself you want me?"
"I do want you! Fuck, Inuyasha—are you even listening to me? It's never been about that—you know that!"
"Then what is it about?"
Kagome covered her face with her free hand, her palm warm and clammy from the bathwater. "People don't just run blindly into a burning building without having a plan on what they're gonna do once they get inside!"
Inuyasha snorted. "Lemme guess—I'm the burning building?"
"Yes!" she snapped around an insincere laugh. "You're a raging inferno and you just want me to run straight in and not even think about what I'm doing until my lungs are filling up with smoke!"
"I'm not askin' you not to think about shit, Kagome," he sighed sharply. "But you're thinking too much! Like—fuck, Kagome—why can't we just enjoy each other and then figure it out? You're so scared of gettin' burned you won't even get close enough to feel the heat unless you have every single fuckin' detail mapped out! I don't have blueprints to give you! Have you ever thought I don't have the goddamn answers you need? Like—fuck me, Kagome—can't you just take a shot in the fuckin' dark?"
Kagome huffed an angry, facetious laugh. "Yeah, well, it wasn't that long ago that I did get burned."
Inuyasha snorted. "Oh, please. Hojo barely lit a fuckin' match—he couldn't've burned you that badly."
"Screw you, Inuyasha—you know he hurt me!"
"Fuck—alright, sorry—I know, Kagome," he back-pedaled. "But, it's been two-fuckin'-months! You're tellin' me you're still so fuckin' scared of gettin' burned that you won't even indulge more than kiss?"
"And you're not? You're not scared of getting hurt again?"
Inuyasha's frustration took on a life of its own with the sound he made. "What is there to be scared of! I just want you to move past this ridiculous fear of yours to fuck me—I'm not askin' for anything more from you! I'm not askin' for commitment or intense feelings and shit. We like each other—we're attracted to each other—why can't we just do somethin' about that?"
"You are asking for more from me!" she shouted back. "Because I can't just fuck you, Inuyasha. It can't just be sex for me! Caring for you deeply—fuck me, even loving you—is going to get all twisted up in that. It's a package deal—you can't get one without the other and I don't know if I'm ready for anything that resembles love."
"I'm not askin' you to love me, Kagome," he snorted self-deprecatingly. "I'm just askin' you to fuck me."
Kagome held back a breath until the tears that loitered in her vision dissipated. "Nice—that's really fucking nice to hear, Inuyasha. Do you even like me?"
"Of course, I fucking like you! You think I'd've put up with this shit or made out with you if I didn't?"
"But is it more than just liking me enough to kiss me? Is it more than just a physical attraction? I need a truth from you, Inuyasha—"
"Kagome, don't."
"—Tell me how you feel about me. Honestly. What do you feel for me?"
"For fuck's sake—what happened to you not pushin' me past my emotional comfort zone, huh? You don't give a shit about what I want, now?"
"Why won't you answer the question? You're not honouring the parameters of—"
"—Why won't you fuck me, Kagome? What are you really scared of? You already fall for me and too goddamn scared you won't like what I have to offer back?"
His words were like a slap in the face that stunned Kagome's brain long enough to forget she had been holding back a damn of tears. A teardrop trickled down each of her cheeks.
"Fine," she spat, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand. "Then tell me this—how's it been going for you, Inuyasha, since Kikyou left you? You bounced back from your heartbreak yet? Ready to jump in, feetfirst, into messy, ugly, painful, and complicated emotions? Ready to face the possibility of more heartache? Because that's what I need to confront every time I toe the line about sleeping with you. And I can definitely tell you that the thought of that for me is fucking terrifying! So I keep backing away from sex with you, because I'm not ready to love you!"
"For fuck's sake," he muttered under his breath. "I'll say it again—I'm not asking you to love me, Kagome! Like, fuck—can't we just fool around? Have fun? I can't just skip right to the end and draw you a fuckin' diagram of how this all could play out! Why do you have to make whatever this is between us so much more than what it is? Why can't you just fuckin' meet me where I'm at?"
Kagome scoffed, more tears in her eyes. "Because I actually like you, Inuyasha, and kissing you has just reinforced how impossible it will be for me to do anything more without falling for you."
Inuyasha was silent for a few heartbeats and Kagome's chest heaved with ire. She took his silence as an opportunity to keep her truths coming.
"Because sex with you will be more for me, Inuyasha. How do you not understand that? Is it really not the same for you? I can't turn off my emotions like you apparently can! Like—are you really that against telling me how you even feel about me? Do you feel any affection towards me whatsoever? Or am I just someone you're keeping around as a hopeful fuck?"
"That's really fuckin' shitty of you, Kagome, to say shit like that to me."
"Well—forgive me for wanting to know how you feel about me!"
Kagome pushed the caddy away from her and stood quickly, anger resonating in her chest. She wrapped her towel around her body and stepped onto the tile.
Having this fight with Inuyasha while she was naked was just...wrong.
Her heart felt like a wild animal going bat-shit feral with desperation to claw out of her chest.
Inuyasha sounded winded after the heavy breath he released. "Yeah, well—forgive me for wanting to do somethin' about bein' attracted to you, Kagome! Forgive me for not wantin' to jump right back into a goddamn cage of a relationship!"
Kagome sniffled back more tears. "A loving relationship isn't a cage, Inuyasha."
He snorted. "Lookin' at the long-term bullshit we each had, how can you say that? You don't look at the six years you had with Piss-For-Brains and feel like it was nothin' but wasted time? Like you hadn't just been trapped in somethin' fucking useless?"
Kagome crossed her one arm over her chest and looked down at the puddle of water beneath her feet. "Then, maybe what we had with our exes wasn't love."
Inuyasha growled again—it was loud this time. Kagome's ears rang with it. "Why are you even using that stupid fucking word, Kagome? This has nothin' to do with that!"
She felt a coil twisting in her stomach. "It has everything to do with love, Inuyasha! Because have you not been listening to me? You keep wanting me to tell you why I'm hesitant to fuck you, why I'm hesitant to allow anything more to happen between us? Are you really that blind to realize that I care about you? That if I allow ourselves a physical relationship I will eventually fall in love you? I'm not ready for that!" She basically screamed at him. "Are you?"
"I don't—" He stopped to sigh hotly. "That type of relationship, Kagome...I don't—"
She snorted indignantly, angrily wiping away more tears that tracked down her cheek. "Then what the fuck are we doing, Inuyasha? Why do we even continue seeing each other with an impasse this fucking huge between us?"
"We're fr—"
"—Do you really only see me as a friend? Is that all I am to you? All I'll ever be to you?"
He sighed a heavy groan. Kagome could tell by the sound of it he was getting to the end of his patience for this conversation.
"Do you care about me at all, Inuyasha?"
"What happened to you sayin' you wouldn't force this emotional shit on me, Kagome?"
"Why won't you answer the question?"
"Maybe 'cause you won't like the answer!"
Kagome moved her hand so her palm laid on her chest, just below her neck. "I refuse to believe that," she spat, another traitorous tear descending. "I refuse to believe that you're as sweet, and kind, and considerate, and sometimes gentle, and other times passionate with me but I'm one-hundred-percent in Camp Platonic with you!"
"What difference does it make, Kagome? You won't fuckin' do anything 'cause you're too scared you'll fall for me."
"Yeah? Well, what about you, Inuyasha? Couldn't it be possible for you to fall for me? You're sayin' you don't like the time we've spent together? How I make you feel when we're together? Did Kikyou really leave your heart in that desiccated of a state? Tell me that kissing me doesn't make you feel anything. Tell me that you feel my hands on you and it doesn't make your heart fucking beat with life."
"Don't put words in my mouth, Kagome—you know how much I like you, how much I love your mouth, how much I want you."
"So you do like me?"
"Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted. "For fuck's sake! Stop tryin' to force this outta me! I don't wanna feel like I'm bein' cornered into anything!"
"But you'd have no problem fucking me, right? You have no issues giving me your dick but not possibly your heart, is that it?"
He scoffed, the sound guttural and heated.
It just occurred to Kagome by what she heard that he was pacing.
"I'm not fucking doin' this with you over the phone anymore. I'm coming over."
"No, you're not," she replied heatedly.
"Yes, I am!"
"You're not, Inuyasha!"
"Kagome—"
"No—because I know exactly what's gonna happen if I see you and I can't let it!"
"And what's that?"
"I'm going to get my hands on you and everything I'm feeling is going to explode out of me and it's going to end up with you spending the night."
"And why can't we?" Oof, the guy sounded exhausted. "I know you're aching for me, Kagome. I know you need me just as bad as I need you! Just let it fuckin' happen! Why can't you just let us be together the way you want to be with me?"
"The attraction has never been the problem with us, Inuyasha. It's what comes after."
"And why does anything have to come after?"
"Hypothetically, let's say we start fucking. Then, what? A couple months down the road I tell you I love. How would you react, Inuyasha? Would it scare you enough that you'd never want to see me again? You'd only keep me around for the sex until something else came along for you? I'd be just your little rebound?"
"You don't love me, Kagome. Don't say shit like that."
"It's a hypothetical question!"
He sighed. "You couldn't handle it, Kagome! You're still so fuckin' messed up from your ex that I don't even think you know what you want, what you're even talkin' about. So no—I'm not gonna answer your stupid fuckin' question."
Kagome growled and stomped out of her bathroom. "Why can't you just be forthcoming with me about how you feel about me? Why does this have to be about me and my issues? My ex?"
"Because you're scared, Kagome! You're so desperate to be loved that you're—"
"—Fuck you, Inuyasha! I am not desperate to be loved!"
"Kagome," he groaned. Her voice was three distinct, separated syllables with a period in between. "I don't wanna talk about this over the phone, please let me—"
"—I can't see you, Inuyasha, not until I cool down."
"Why? 'Cause you're so mad it's basically guaranteeing super hot makeup sex with me?"
Kagome snorted at his attempt at levity, but it just made more tears cascade down her cheeks.
"Why are you making me feel like I'm nothing but a hole for you to stick your cock into? That I don't have the potential to be good enough for more?"
"Kagome—come on—you know I don't think of you like that! Fuck," he hissed. "I care about you, Kagome. I care about your happiness, about your wellbeing. I hate how your douche of an ex fucked you better emotionally than he ever did physically."
"Inuyasha!"
He chuffed a self-deprecating laugh. "What? Tell me that's not true, Kagome? I've left you aching more with just my mouth than that asshole ever did with his dick."
"So, what? This is a contest now? Fine—you win, Inuyasha! I definitely want to fuck you more than I ever wanted to fuck Hojo. Does that make you feel good about yourself?"
"No, Kagome—for fuck's sake—that isn't the point! You want me so bad but you won't fuckin' do anything about it because you're scared of what may or may not happen. You can't live like that! You want me so badly—I know you do. Just—fuck, Kagome—let me come over. Please."
"If you come over, Inuyasha, I won't be able to stop myself with you. I'm too angry, too emotional to be rational."
"Then don't be rational! Then fuck me! You want to, so do it! I'm goin' to fuckin' fracture, Kagome, if I can't taste you. Please—let me come over. Just let it happen—whatever this attraction is between us."
"So you care more about getting off than my emotional wellbeing?" She scoffed. "And there you were, giving me shit for asking you to be emotional with me when, here you are, begging me to let you come over to fuck me."
"I do care about your emotional wellbeing, Kagome. I know your ex fucked you up, but I know you want me to fuck you more."
"Inuyasha!"
"What? Tell me that's not true! Do you ever fantasize about the times you were with him? When he was inside you? Not the way you fantasize about having me inside you. Did his tongue ever leave you wanting like mine does? Fuck, Kagome—I would eat that pussy like I'd been deprived every other food source. Did he ever kiss you like that? Suck on you like that? Fuck you with his tongue like—?"
"Inuyasha! Stop!"
"Kagome, please. Just let me come over, we can talk about this and—"
"—Stop fucking talking!"
She was full on crying now. Kagome didn't know when that had started, but at some point her arousal had morphed into a fiery anger and then into an unbelievable sadness that left her hollow and cold.
"Please, Inuyasha. This needs to stop."
She clamped her lips together, tears trailing her cheeks as sorrow lodged in her throat, as if she had swallowed something inedible. She tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling, as if she'd find answers or comfort up there. "I can't do this anymore tonight. Please don't make me—please don't ask me to—l can't!"
Kagome muted her phone the moment the sob crawled from her throat, rushing as a gasp into the echoing space of her bedroom. Inuyasha shouted her name, but Kagome kept herself muted. She stepped into her walk-in closet as she worked through her anger, her tears. Inuyasha's voice called out to her from her phone the entire time like a painful siren song.
Kagome threw a nightdress over her head, wrapped her hair in the towel, swiped the tears from her cheeks with a frustrated sputter, and grabbed her phone off her bed, unmuting Inuyasha.
"You love giving me shit, Inuyasha, but what the fuck? You promised me you wouldn't push! What the fuck was that just now? How could you—?"
"—Fuck, Kagome. I know—I fucked up! I'm sorry—I was just angry and we've both said shit that—"
A rogue tear scraped down her cheek and Kagome swiped it away with an angry, desperate gasp. The sound of her sob stole the words from Inuyasha's mouth.
"Kagome—I can't leave things like this between us. Let me come over tomorrow, once we've calmed down and—"
"I don't want to see you tomorrow," she said in a grave whisper, her voice hoarse. Her sobbing caused a hiccupping breath to shoot from her mouth.
"Kagome, please, let me make—"
"—I need time to think about things, Inuyasha. I'll talk to you later."
"—No, Kagome, don't—let's tal—"
"—Goodnight, Inuyasha."
Then, for the first time in the two months they'd been friends going on figs, Kagome hung up on Inuyasha.
She was so overwhelmed, so angry. So, so fucking stupid for ever thinking they could get away with this nonsense of a friendship.
We were doomed to go our separate ways before we even got together...
Kagome collapsed into her bed, devastated for what this fight meant for her friendship—or whatever the hell it was she had—with Inuyasha.
Hey, I'm outside—let me in
Why?
K...let me in the damn building.
You can't just show up unannounced at someone's house, Inu.
Yes, I can—let me in. Ur coffee's getting cold
You bought me pity coffee?
I brought u APOLOGY coffee. K, let me in
Well, that's a shame—I'm not home.
WTF? Where R U?
Work—I picked up a shift. Why are you at my house?
Shit, OK
"Shit, OK is not an answer to Why are you at my house—pfft, Inuyasha," Kagome grouched under her breath before she put her phone back in her scrub pocket—but not before giving their text conversation a double-take.
Snorting, Kagome stretched out her neck, then rolled her wrists before heading into her penultimate client service appointment for the day.
She hadn't seen Inuyasha since their argument last Friday and they'd barely texted all week. Now that it was Friday again, Kagome was a little surprised Inuyasha had wanted to surprise her by showing up, unannounced, at her apartment.
Well, that's what he gets, she thought, for making an ass of himself by assuming I'd just be at home—waiting around for him on a Friday.
If Suki hadn't called Kagome in a panic just before lunchtime, saying Ken called in sick last minute for his afternoon shift, Kagome, in all likelihood, would have been at home, waiting around and hoping she'd see or hear from Inuyasha. Not that she was expecting a fig, but anything would be better than this strained and uncomfortable silence.
Because Kagome Higurashi was feeling like a petty bitch—she had been all week—and she intentionally avoided Inuyasha.
Partly because she was still a little mad at him. She also felt ashamed.
And honestly even a little broken-hearted, which was the weirdest goddamn emotion of the bundle that kept making an appearance.
It's not like she and Inuyasha broke up—there wasn't anything to break up. But still, there was something finite-feeling about their argument last Friday. And Kagome had tried her best all week to stay as busy and distracted as possible—fearful for what her heart would feel or make her brain do if she allowed herself to really think about Inuyasha.
Finally finding herself at the end of her shift, Kagome approached her locker, shrugged out of her scrub top and pulled her hair from its ponytail. She readied for home—grateful Ken's last client no-showed, giving her an early exit—and slammed her locker door closed.
Kagome shouldered her backpack further up her arm and stepped through the French doors to reception, seeing Ayame with her face inches in front of her computer monitor, squinting.
"All good?"
Ayame startled, leaning back in her seat to smile at Kagome. "Oh, yeah—yeah. I just—hate this software sometimes."
Kagome smiled, drumming her fingers on the counter. "Ken's last client didn't show so I'm outta here."
"Oh, that's weird, but okay, thanks for letting me know. I'll leave a note for Suki to follow up with that client tomorrow."
Kagome nodded—as if she cared.
"You doin' okay, Kagome?"
Kagome blinked her eyes a few times, forcing herself to dispel the shock of Ayame's question—and the general distractability she'd felt all week. Things after that fight just felt—weird.
"Yeah, I'm okay—just tired. Long day."
"Go enjoy your weekend," Ayame said with a large, toothy smile. "Put your feet up, watch a good movie. Any hot dates lined up?"
Kagome couldn't have snorted harder. "No—not in the least."
Ayame made a face, clearly realizing there was something behind Kagome's comment.
But the two women weren't nearly close enough for Ayame to attempt to unpack that, so Ayame merely offered, "Well, have a good night, Kagome!"
Kagome opened her mouth to return the nicety, when a hard, triple knock on the locked glass front door startled both women.
Kagome's eyes widened with a plethora of feelings to see Inuyasha standing at the door, a hand raised in greeting.
"Uh," Ayame droned. "Who is that?"
Kagome groaned loudly and approached the front door, unlocking the three deadbolts.
"Kagome, he—"
"Why are you here?" she interrupted, before Inuyasha could finish his greeting.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes at her super shitty hello. "You told me you were at work."
"That wasn't an invitation for you to show up here." Jesus, Kagome was so aware of Ayame's eyes dancing back and forth between the two of them with interest.
"You're done early?"
"The last client was a no-show."
Inuyasha nodded then extended his hand, palm-up, to her. "Gimme your car key. Just the car key."
Kagome scrunched her eyebrows at him over narrowed, suspicious eyes. "Why?"
"Just—gimme your car key, Kagome."
"Why?"
"'Cause I'm gonna drive you home."
Kagome's eyebrows shot up. "But, my car's outback."
"Yeah—hence the giving me your car keys," he scoffed with an eyeroll, the expression saying obviously.
"What're you gonna do with my—"
"—Miroku's waiting in my car. He's gonna drive your car back to your place then call a cab—so I can drive you home."
"What?" Kagome squawked. An incredulous laugh had her shaking her head. "Absolutely not! I'm not inconveniencing your friend like that—that plan makes absolutely no sense, Inuyasha. I can just drive myself home."
"Do you remember a couple weeks' ago? When I showed up at your place that Saturday after my shitty date?"
Kagome raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him in answer to his reminder of the Saturday she didn't want to talk about. Which was second on her list of specific days she didn't want to talk about—their fight last Friday occupied spot number one.
"Well, you made a comment about having never seen my car." He shrugged. "So, I thought I'd rectify that. Plus, I figure we need to talk about shit since—"
"—I don't want to talk about last Friday," Kagome interrupted, her cheeks pinkening.
Inuyasha nodded and sighed out a frustrated breath. He then jutted his hand back out at her. "Then just gimme your keys."
Kagome sighed. Annoyed. Annoyed that she felt annoyed.
She felt uncomfortable being under Ayame's scrutiny like that, especially since Inuyasha used to be a client of Kagome's. The receptionist was super into gossip, had an eye for drama; she'd know there was something between Kagome and Inuyasha. There was also the likelihood that Ayame could put two and two together and notice that Inuyasha shared a slight resemblance with Madame's favourite client, Sesshoumaru—not that Kagome was an expert given she'd only seen the man once.
This whole exchange left Kagome feeling doubly vulnerable.
There was also a significant part of Kagome that had missed Inuyasha all week and felt badly for how she had treated and spoken to Inuyasha during their fight. The petty, bitter part of her wanted to just walk out and get in her car and drive home. But the rest of her was grateful for Inuyasha's unexpected olive branch.
The longer she looked at him, standing in the doorway with his trademark look of irritation, Kagome started to feel her prickliness soften. Inuyasha had gone all the way to her place, just to then come to her work, all to drive her back home so the two of them could talk—hopefully make up?—after their fight.
Kagome grumbled under her breath as she detached her car fob from her key ring and dropped it into Inuyasha's outstretched palm.
"I swear to God, Inuyasha—if he does anything to my car—"
"—I'll kill him for you. Yeah, he and I have already gone over that, and he's well aware he's doin' me a favour."
Kagome snorted, nodding at Inuyasha to follow her to the carpark, then waved goodbye to Ayame.
"So, what does he get out of this favour?"
Inuyasha snorted. "He's the one who owes me the favour, and a few more."
"For what? Sending you on shitty dates?"
Inuyasha snorted again. "That and for a few other things."
Kagome nodded.
Even though Kagome had only seen Miroku that one Friday ages ago, he had a recognizable face as he stepped out of a silver, fancy-as-all-hell-looking coupe with a Mercedes emblem on the grill.
"Kagome, it's so nice to see you again."
"Miroku," Kagome nodded in greeting, lifting the corners of her mouth into a polite smile. "Thank you for playing valet."
Miroku chuffed a giggling laugh and held out his hand to accept Kagome's car key from Inuyasha.
"You do anythin' to her car and—"
"—Yes, yes," Miroku sighed, feigning a pained expression as he held a hand to his chest. "Even one small scratch and you forcibly remove my favourite and most infamous body part. I recall the recent chain of threats, Inuyasha."
"Um—thank you!" Kagome called, raising her hand in a wave as Miroku bowed his head at them both and approached Kagome's vehicle, wishing them a good evening.
Inuyasha met Kagome's eye and nodded his head at his car. Kagome sucked on the inside of her cheek as she approached the passenger side.
The car looked way too expensive for her to feel comfortable touching it. She eyed up the intimidating vehicle for a second or two more before reaching for the handle. She now kinda understood why some of Inuyasha's dates seemed to disregard price tags after seeing Inuyasha's car—not that she would ever condone Inuyasha being treated like that.
Despite feeling out of her element, Kagome slid into the slick-looking leather bucket seat and buckled herself in, her backpack on the floor between her knees. Kagome looked around the cabin, appreciating the luxurious charm of the low-ceiled, two-seater. Her eyes lingered on Inuyasha, observing the way he adjusted the temperature, turned off the radio, carried himself with an air of ease and arrogance as he operated the vehicle.
It was a powerful muscle car, and he looked like a powerful man driving it.
The thought made Kagome feel a little hot.
Inuyasha cast her a quizzical expression with a lifted eyebrow and Kagome was quick to look out her window, clearing her throat. Kagome tried to swallow past the panic she started feeling.
Didn't Inuyasha say she could never hide the scent of arousal from a dog demon?
"What kinda car is this?" Kagome asked as Inuyasha eased them out of the parking lot.
"You know anything about cars?"
Kagome snorted indelicately in answer. "Not a thing. I know this is a Mercedes—that's about it."
Inuyasha smirked. "It's the AMG GTR."
"Are those letters an acronym for something? Someone's initials?"
Inuyasha gave her a brief side-eye. "Do you actually care, or are you just askin' 'cause you're nervous to sit with me in silence?"
"I'm not nervous," she bristled, sticking her clenched hands between her thighs.
Inuyasha chewed his cheek before asking, "You still mad at me?"
"You okay to talk about this while driving?"
Inuyasha huffed a soft laugh. "I should be able to manage a simple discussion."
Kagome cast him an unimpressed expression, which made him laugh.
"Listen, I'm not stupid, Kagome," Inuyasha said quietly after a pause lapsed between them. "Things've been weird with us since last Friday. There was a lotta shit said, and I let how I was feelin'—that is—fuck—I don't know what I'm tryin' to say." He sighed with irritation.
Kagome tried to hold back an appreciative smirk at how flustered he seemed.
He allowed a few breaths of silence between them before he tried again. "I was an asshole for letting my side of things get as far as it did. I got carried away by how much I want you—and I know that's not an excuse." He exhaled loudly again, offering her a quick glance. "I shouldn't've said what I did or behaved how I did. Some of the things we said—I feel badly that it came out in anger. We shoulda talked about some of that stuff in completely different circumstances."
Kagome stared at her feet and let the words pour from her mouth before her brain could get too invested. "I'm not still mad at you, Inuyasha. Honestly, I don't even know if I was mad at you then—no, that's a blatant lie," she scoffed a laugh at herself. "I was mad at you—I was also pissed at myself. I think I mostly felt disappointed—for having something I wanted to say to you, to open up to you about, and for how shitty it all came out. Hearing what you said, how you seemed almost beside yourself with how much you wanted me, listening to you beg—it really startled me."
Inuyasha looked at her cautiously. "I'm sorry I upset you, Kagome."
Her heart softened. "No, Inuyasha—it—it didn't startle me because I was upset. It's 'cause I also wanted you so badly that I was so close to saying fuck it to the reason I was keeping my distance in the first place. Wanting you left me so rattled I could've charged right into a burning building with zero regard for my safety."
Inuyasha laughed.
Kagome hummed a thoughtful sound in her throat as she offered him a small smile. "I've been figuring my shit out lately, or at least trying to. I'd like to think I'm in a better place now than I was when we first started hanging out." She turned her gaze to her fingers. "During our fight, though, the one thing I kept coming back to was how resolute I was from the beginning that I couldn't have sex with you because I didn't want feelings for you. That I had myself absolutely convinced that fucking would equate to feeling. And the timing of you saying what you did when I was in the bath, it was just—I was—" she stopped herself, forcing an intentional few measured breaths in hopes of curbing the growing heat in her cheeks and ache of her heart in her throat.
"I feel weird talking about this while you're distracted," she said with a choked laugh. "You gonna come up when we get home so we can properly talk about this?"
"If I'm allowed to."
Kagome snorted and fought back the urge to smack him in the shoulder. "Yeah—I'll allow it."
Inuyasha laughed through his nose. "Oh, it's probably an iced drink minus the ice by now, but that's for you." He motioned with his chin to the matching cups in the black cupholders between them.
"Flat white?"
He nodded. "We'll see if you still find it orgasmic when it's stone-cold."
Kagome giggled. "I'll heat it up when we're inside. Thanks, Inuyasha. I appreciate the peace offering."
A silence that felt more comfortable than the previous one lasted for a few blocks before Inuyasha broke it.
"Question—you think I woulda heard from you? Y'know—if I didn't come see you today?"
Kagome sighed and gazed out the window for almost a full block before responding. "To be honest—I dunno. I was—am—embarrassed for how I treated you, some of the things I said. I think my pride would've wanted me to keep hiding from you until you decided to reach out." She snorted in a self-deprecating, woe-is-me kind of way. She leaned against the headrest and pivoted her head to look at him. "Thank you for being the bigger person, Inuyasha." She blushed. "I didn't realize how much I missed you until—until I saw you at the front door at work."
Inuyasha gave her a quick side-eyed smile and nodded. "Yeah—it was weird not talkin' to you all week."
Kagome gulped, a new question itching at her lips to see the light of day. "Are we—that is to say—will we be okay, Inuyasha? I—" She paused, taking a deep breath— "I can't help but feel like something...I dunno...changed irrevocably as a result of that argument. I mean, I don't feel uncomfortable with you by any means, but—" She shrugged— "it feels different."
"Maybe it's the car?"
Kagome snorted a giggle and smiled at him brightly. "Yeah—you're right. It must be the car."
Inuyasha smirked at her. "She likes the car?"
Kagome fought a giggle but it still vibrated in her throat. "She does." Kagome looked down at her hands again. "Thanks for driving me home, Inuyasha."
They made the remaining ten minutes of the drive in mostly silence. Any conversation veered from apologies and details of their fight to instead sharing the goings-on of their respective weeks.
Once Inuyasha had parked and they had taken the elevator to Kagome's unit, she let them in and headed straight for the kitchen to warm up their very cold beverages in the microwave.
"I'm gonna pop these in here then go change."
Inuyasha nodded and leaned against Kagome's kitchen island, crossing his arms. He stared at the microwave with such fervor it made Kagome question if he was lost to his thoughts.
She tried to be quick in giving her hair a quick brush, fluffing her bangs, putting on deodorant, then changing into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top.
Back in the kitchen, seeing Inuyasha positioned against the island in his usual leaning recline, Kagome tried to pretend she didn't notice Inuyasha checking out her new outfit. But there it was—the obvious and typical motion of his head and sly corner-dragging smile of his.
If Kagome was being honest with herself, she liked wearing tank tops around Inuyasha—there was just enough skin on display to make the super plain garment feel a little risqué. Or maybe it was just the way he looked at her that made it feel that way.
Seeing him now, in her kitchen, just reinforced how much she missed him. Yes, she was still pissed and hurt for how he acted—the shit they both said—but there was also a part of her that didn't care about that. A smile coated her features as she watched him interact with her microwave. She felt a presence in her chest like she had lost something without knowing it and it was just finally returned to her, making her aware of a lack for all those days.
Now that she could finally see all of him, he looked good, in a rumpled and disheveled sort of way. She didn't think she'd ever seen Inuyasha look so undone. There was something about his presentation that didn't seem as put-together as she was used to.
She could have laughed at herself for the thought—Kagome wasn't winning any awards on her appearance these days. It was like the aftershock of their fight made Kagome lose a bit of her oomph.
Wordlessly, Inuyasha handed her one of the cups then removed the lid from his. He chugged at the contents like he hadn't drank anything all day.
Kagome's eyes felt super-glued to the vertical pendulum motions of his throat. With his head tipped back, Kagome appreciated the casual sight of his jeans and white t-shirt.
He emerged from his now-empty cup and offered Kagome a lifted eyebrow. "You doin' okay? You look—thoughtful."
"I'm okay," she answered, placing the cup on the counter to cross her arms tight across her breast. She kept her eyes on her beverage, not trusting herself to keep her gaze on Inuyasha for long periods at a time. "Work's been busy. Lots of parties booked. I'm tired."
Inuyasha looked her over and nodded. "You look good though, Kagome."
Kagome bit her lip and dropped her gaze to the floor. She hated this awkwardness that ached from the centre of her chest and radiated up into her throat, drying out her mouth.
"Let's go sit," he said, nodding with his head towards the living room. "You probably don't wanna be on your feet anymore today."
Kagome snorted a laugh then nodded, dragging her feet as she followed him to her living room. She sat down beside him, no more than a foot of space between them, and distracted herself by taking a sip of her apology-coffee.
"Can I ask you for a truth, Kagome?"
She kept her eyes on her drink and fingernails while she nodded.
It had been too long since she practiced their rule of brutal honesty. In all the time this week she'd replayed and reflected on her fight with Inuyasha, she had decided that the next time they spoke, she would give him nothing but honesty. Sitting next to him, their gazes turned away from each other, Kagome was surprised by how confident she felt in her determination to not skirt around the truth. Now was just as good a time as any to bring that old practice back into play.
The silence felt loud and intimidating while Inuyasha apparently pondered how to phrase his question.
He started his question by laughing facetiously. "When we were fighting, and you kept sayin' you want me, what did you mean by that?"
Kagome turned to look at him, his face surprisingly neutral despite the upturn of one side of his mouth—a small half-smile he wore probably in hopes of keeping things from feeling too serious.
Kagome sighed then leaned back into the couch. "You know what's funny? I've actually asked myself this question since our fight. There were a lot of I want yous thrown around during the call." She paused to draw her lips over her teeth then bit down, her jaw bouncing as she thought about her phrasing. "I think part of our problem—well, my problem at least—was that we were both using the same words but misunderstanding the other's meaning. I realized that I meant two different things when I said I want you. There's, I want pleasure from your body, and then there's I want you as an entire person—not just your body."
Inuyasha was quiet for several seconds after that. It may have even been a minute.
Kagome was just grateful she had her flat white to distract her—otherwise, she would have lost her mind.
"Why do you think you'll ruin this—?" Inuyasha's words trailed off as he motioned between them with his hands.
Kagome felt the blush heat the apples of her cheeks. "Because—before we started the whole making out regularly business—you had been pretty adamant that you just wanted unattached, casual fun. You didn't want any commitments or feelings—you just truly wanted a sexual outlet, which is fine, obviously." She chanced a look at him but he seemed too preoccupied staring at the fibres of her carpet to notice. "At Merci, you seemed a little paranoid or scared that I'd want to have a relationship with you."
She sighed. "But at some point, I realized that limiting myself to kissing you was becoming too freaking impossible. And then I got scared—for multiple reasons. I was scared because I didn't think I could handle having sex with you. I was scared that I had started to develop feelings for you. I was scared that you'd find out and our friendship would end because of it. I was scared that I would ruin our friendship when it's become something really dear and precious to me."
"So you do have feelings for me?"
Kagome felt like she wore a heating pad on her cheeks, but she met his eye anyway. "I do, yeah."
Inuyasha turned away as he nodded.
"Does that surprise you, Inuyasha? I mean," she paused for a lazy laugh, "maybe it's obvious to me, but I thought—I dunno—that maybe it was obvious to you, too?"
"Yeah, I—I suspected." He nodded again, not meeting her eye.
Do you have feelings for me back? Please don't make me ask you, Inuyasha.
Kagome's heart was pounding to the point she rested her palm over her chest as if that would do anything to soothe it. "Are you—does that—I mean...how do you feel about that?"
Inuyasha sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hair drawn over one shoulder. "I've thought for a while now, Kagome, that you like me as more than a friend."
Kagome giggled, which was such a lowkey response it kind of startled her. "Yes, because I know I'm the opposite of subtle."
Inuyasha laughed. "I've never been the best with emotional shit," he lamented. "I find it kinda overwhelming. I have a habit of sayin' the wrong thing or not bein' able to say what I mean and makin' a fuckin' mess of things. I like spendin' time with you, Kagome—a lot. Honestly, after Kikyou, I didn't think I would find someone like you who I enjoy spendin' my time with as much as I do. You keep surprisin' me—which isn't a bad thing. It's just—I don't know what the fuck I'm doin' with you."
"You don't have to, Inuyasha."
He scoffed. "Yeah, well you basically said on Friday that I do—that you need to know what comes after sex or somethin' like that."
Kagome bit her lip while her eyes roved her carpet, her thoughts coming together. "I feel like I need to clarify something, Inuyasha. I'm not actively looking for a relationship or a commitment out of you. You just want sex, and I want to have sex with you, too. I'm not looking for you to sign a contract or anything; but, there will be emotions involved for me. I've told you I like you. Getting intimate with you—it's only going to exaggerate that for me. I don't want an agreement between us that what we have will be anything more, and I'm not asking you for a label or a blueprint. I just want to hear you acknowledge, and honestly admit, that you won't run away from me if feelings start to get involved—well, more than they already have," she laughed self-deprecatingly. "I just want to know that I won't lose you if I end up giving you more than just my body."
Oof, she was on a roll now!
"Because I know you just want to feel things out as they go, and I'm so okay with that—beyond okay with that. I just don't want to start anything with you in the pretense of it staying unattached and casual because we both know I can't do that. I don't want you to guarantee me more than just sex, Inuyasha, I just wanna know if you're open to the possibility of more." She exhaled a substantial sigh, as if she released all of her body's tension with that one breath. "Because if it doesn't turn into more, then I'll at least be able to stomach it better knowing that we both were honest with what we wanted."
Kagome cleared her throat. "So, all that word-vomit out there, can I ask you for a difficult truth, Inuyasha?" She looked up from her hands to meet Inuyasha's golden stare. He looked—not sad—but like he hadn't had a restful sleep in while.
"Yeah, sure."
"Would it—would it really be so bad? If this were to turn into something after we started a sexual relationship?"
Kagome couldn't understand the look on his face, and risking a glance was the most destabilizing thing she could have done. She pushed forward with the rest of her request before she lost all confidence to do so.
"What if I were to decide today, right now, that I was done with keeping my distance from you? What if I were to say that I wanted you to have me—to enjoy my body like we both want you to—tonight, and we just let whatever happens afterwards...happen. What if, at some point, I did start to develop feelings that were more intense than what I feel now? Would that really be the worst thing?"
Kagome's confidence breached for just a few seconds, giving her the courage to meet Inuyasha's gaze. Her eyes widened and she felt stunned, caught in the snare of his luminous, beautiful eyes, radiating with an expression she couldn't understand. She wanted to panic, she wanted to bury her head in the sand, she wanted to lie. She wanted to take it all back.
What Kagome hadn't realized when she was trying to translate the look in Inuyasha's eye, was that he was recalling words she had spoken to him weeks ago.
I'm the kind of person where, if I have a shit day, a hug will always make it better. Touch is just so powerful, you know? It's healing and comforting. Sometimes touch can transcend words.
So, Inuyasha did the first thing that came to his mind. The only thing that felt right in that moment when words escaped him.
He took a leaf from Kagome's book and let a touch transcend his words.
He kissed her.