A/N: Yes, I know this is surprising, me writing another story about Lana, whom I have often ranked as one of my lower-tier Loud sisters. Believe it or not, she has grown on me in recent years… I think maybe because she is the most believable as a little kid. Okay, granted, I don't know of any seven-year-old girls who can take apart car engines, or reroute indoor plumbing, but in terms of her childlike personality, she is a lot more realistic than Lucy, Lola, or especially Lisa, all of whom behave way older than their canon ages. It was for these reasons that Lana felt like the most plausible sibling to write for in this scenario.
Merry England. Located on the sceptered isle many consider to be the jewel of the North Atlantic, this Old World country was responsible for one of the most significant contributions in the history of mankind: modern music. Many of the world's most-renowned artists and groups were British. Whether it was rock god, Mick Swagger; those who put the, 'Death' in death metal, Dark Shabbat; the ultry-sultry siren who soothed with her soulful voice, Adelie; or the nerdy little carrot-top who challenged women's perception of their ideal man, Ted Shears; music, as contemporaries know it, would most likely not even exist in its current state without such groundbreaking trailblazers.
Of course, it was not just mainstream music to which England has made significant contributions. On the contrary, she also brought forth those who have helped shape the underground music landscape as well, particularly one group who has gained quite a bit of notoriety, and was perhaps one of the most colorful musical groups ever known – in more ways than one.
The Primatez were an alternative group comprised of sentient apes, whose backstage personalities were just as unique as the music they played. Their origins began when Mud, a tall and lanky ape with greasy, unkempt green fur sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for the ability to put together an amazing band like nobody had ever heard before. One day while Mud was driving around recklessly, he crashed his car through the front window of a record store, where he severely injured another tall and lanky ape with spiky blue fur, who eventually became known as Twoey-Stuie, because the injuries he sustained in such an incident were permanently bloodshot eyes. Although it was Mud who was putting the band together, it was Twoey-Stuie who found himself thrust into the position of being the image of the band as its lead vocalist and keyboardist, while Mud assumed the role of bassist. In need of a percussionist, Mud invaded another record store, where he abducted Bushel, a short and stout ape with short, brown fur, and was known for his amazing sense of rhythm… and who also had glowing eyes, thanks to being partly possessed by the undead spirit of a mate of his. When they put out a call for a guitarist to round out their band, they received their answer when a small ape with color-changing fur, and who called herself Penne, shipped herself to their newly-formed recording studio in a crate. Thus, the Primatez were formed. What set the Primatez apart from other musical acts was their experimental techniques. Composing a blend of various different subgenres such as electronica, techno, trip-hop, funk, house, and ambient gave their music a sound not ordinarily heard by most ears, while writing verses with hidden double meanings gave their lyrics something to stimulate the minds as well as the ears. On top of that, the strange, trance-like visuals provided by their music videos often told a broader story when watched in a certain order, which added even more intrigue to their content. In short, the Primatez were a band meant to be watched as well as listened to, and it certainly worked in their favor, because while they may never have really left much of an impact on mainstream music, they most definitely had a tremendously large cult following within the underground music scene all over the world, with, perhaps, one of their biggest fans being one Lana Loud of Royal Woods, Michigan.
Being an avid animal lover, Lana was mesmerized by the existence of a band of sentient musical apes, and she could attest to their music and video content being unlike anything she ever heard or seen before – even if their audio/visual content may have been a might mature for a girl her age (then again, parents Lynn, Sr. and Rita seem to have no objections to Lana's twin, Lola, a seven-year-old girl, listening to adult contemporary), she listened to their songs and watched their music videos any chance she got. Her favorite member of the band was Twoey-Stuie, not only for his spiky blue fur, but also for his almost hypnotic-sounding vocals whenever he sang. She was not the only inhabitant of the Loud House who enjoyed their content. Even though hard rock-and-roll was her genre of choice, Luna was otherwise non-discriminatory when it came to other styles of music, and even she could appreciate artists and groups who experimented in coming up with sights and sounds unlike anything anybody had ever experienced before. Her favorite member was Penne, who had to have been one of the best female guitarists she ever saw (and on a personal note, Luna also enjoyed seeing what different colors Penne would dye her fur – especially if she went through a purple phase). Lucy enjoyed how their lyrics were not only poetic, but deep and meaningful – in more ways than one. Her favorite member was Mud, since in addition to being the Primatez' bassist, he was also a practitioner of the dark arts and occult.
The three of them sat in the living room, where they watched one of the Primatez' most recent music videos and one that definitely proved to provide a little something for everyone…
Oscillate yourself tonight
When you're in your bed
Assimilate the dopamine
Passing through your head
When you get back on a Saturday night
And the room is caving in
Do you look like me, do you feel like me
Do you turn into your effigy?
Do you dance like this?
Forever
Lana may not exactly have understood the context of the song's lyrics or visuals, but as was always the case, she was mesmerized by what she saw and heard. Luna, on the other hand, had a better understanding, and could really dig the overall psychedelic overtones of the video. Speaking of hallucinogenic visuals, Lucy also enjoyed the addition of creepy and disturbing animated imagery sprinkled throughout the video, such as Twoey-Stuie's face shriveling into a skull, or tortured spirits parting through their hosts' bodies – imagery that may have scarred other, more sensitive younger audiences, but had no ill effects on a young goth such as her, nor Lana with her affinity for anything decidedly grotesque, nor Luna who was familiar with certain artists participating in gruesome on-stage antics.
After the video concluded, the host of this music channel was brought back onto the screen to share some thoughts and other news.
"I don't know about the rest of you, but I definitely feel en-tranzed!" He quipped. "That, of course, was from the Primatez' newest album, The Pow-Wow, and if you can't get enough of Primatez, then you may just get your chance, as the group launches their new world tour, Peoplez! So keep your peepers peeled, because these crazy apes just may be coming to a town near you!"
"Whoa! The Primatez are touring now?!" Lana marveled over the news. "Man, I hope they come to Royal Woods! Getting to see them play in an actual live concert? That'd be so sweet!"
Curious to see if, perhaps, her little sister could get her wish, Luna fished her cellphone from her skirt pocket, and did some research on the Primatez' touring schedule. Sure enough, the information she found would definitely be to Lana's liking.
"Dude! Check it out! Primatez are comin' to Royal Woods; it's on their touring schedule," said Luna as she showed Lana the schedule on her phone's screen.
"They are?!" She cheered. "We have to go see them!"
"Looks like tix are already goin' on sale…" said Luna as she looked into it further. "Yowzer… kinda pricey, though…"
When Luna showed the screen again, even Lucy's jaw dropped along with Lana's over the price of tickets – for the three of them to even attend such a concert and obtain preferred seating would cost an arm, a leg, and perhaps even their souls.
"Isn't there anything cheaper?" Lana asked.
Luna did a quick scroll through the ticket prices, but the only ones that were reasonably priced were in a less-than-desirable location.
"Well, there's some seats available in the nose-bleed section…" she noted.
"I have no objections," remarked Lucy dryly.
"Aw, man! Those would be the absolute worst seats ever!" Lana groaned, and she could just see it now…
The Primatez were performing on stage in the Royal Woods Theater to a packed house, seats all throughout the entire auditorium were filled beyond capacity – including all the way in the very back, where the only way little Lana could even see the concert was to stand atop a makeshift booster of crates and watch through a tower viewer machine, of which she repeatedly had to feed quarters, because her viewing sessions would expire. As she deposited another coin into the machine to resume her view of the concert, a pink-haired and bespectacled reporter with a microphone and earpiece approached the pint-sized blonde girl.
"We're here with Lana Loud who has, like, the worst seats ev-er," stated the reporter like a valley girl before she began an impromptu interview. "Lana, how does it feel to literally have the worst seats ev-er at a Primatez concert?"
"Terrible! I can't hear them, I can't see them, and I've already used up my allowance for the next zillion years on this stupid machine!" Lana whined before the machine expired again, prompting her to reluctantly deposit yet another quarter.
"Like, hold the phone," said the reporter as she listened to what was being piped into her earpiece. "Shut the front door, Lana, I've just been told that the Primatez have just chosen you to, like, get up on stage with them!"
"For real?!" Lana marveled in delight.
"Like, go, Lana! Go, gurl!" The reporter cheered.
Lana wasted no time in hopping off of her booster to make her way toward the stage, as she ran down the aisle… and ran… and ran… and ran… It felt like she ran for years, and even looked like it, too, as by the time she finally reached the stage, she was considerably taller, her hair was much longer, her clothes no longer fit properly, and she even curiously had stubble on her face. To her surprise, the stage was completely bare, and the entire auditorium appeared to have been abandoned.
"Hey, where's the Primatez?" She asked, her voice echoing in the empty auditorium like sounds reverberating off of cave walls.
It was then that she was approached by her twin, Lola, who, likewise, was now taller and had much longer hair, but at least she was dressed in better-fitting clothing.
"That concert so ended years ago, Lans," explained Lola. "We're in middle school now!"
As if Lana wasn't already blindsided by such, she then heard Lisa's distinctive voice call out to her.
"This is precisely why I have taken the liberty of saving all of your homework for you…"
When Lana turned around, she was gob smacked to see her Brainiac sister –now also older and taller- arrive on the scene driving a forklift weighted down with stacks upon stacks of text books, notebooks, tests, quizzes, exams, you name it.
"If you get started now, and keep your bathroom breaks and R.E.M. sleep cycles to a minimum, you could possibly get caught up in about three years, or one-thousand, ninety-five days…" advised Lisa.
Lana was horrified by such a thought.
"Aw, man, we gotta figure out a way we can get enough money to get good seats at the concert!" Lana fretted.
"Don't sweat it, Lans. We learned how to be persuasive from the Master of Convincing, remember?" Luna assured as she wrapped her arm around her little sister's shoulders, and that was true, as each of the Loud sisters learned from their brother, Lincoln, how to really sell their cases in order to convince their parents to let them borrow money for whatever it was they wanted to buy. "All we gotta do is convince the 'rents, and those tix are as good as ours!"
Lana, Luna, and Lucy were in the dining room, where their parents sat at the table, while the three sisters had rigged a movie projector to display a music video on a white screen, the visuals of which showed them a red and white striped windmill, the vanes calmly turning in the breeze, with the Primatez performing out in front, while Twoey-Stuie's vocals flowed melodiously.
Windmill, windmill for the land
Turn forever hand-in-hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is ticking, falling down
Love forever, love is freely
Turned forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
Lynn, Sr. and Rita appeared to be hypnotized by the video they watched, but even so, that was only part of the Lana's pitch.
"The Primatez make some of the coolest music videos of all time, and if they look this cool on a screen, just imagine how cooler they'd look performing on stage at the Royal Woods Theater!" Lana said.
"I can only imagine…" muttered Rita in something of a trance.
"Imagine…" added Lynn, Sr. similarly.
"This is a once-in-a-lifetime op," concluded Lana. "So, what do you say? Can we go to the Primatez' concert?"
The parents were snapped out of whatever trance they may have been when they had to hit their daughters with a hard reality.
"Sorry, girls, but as you can see, it's that time of the month again," said Rita as she pointed out all of the papers that were scattered across the top of the table, and the calculators, adding machines, and even an abacus she and her husband were using… no doubt about it, it was that time of the month for paying bills.
"Yeah, and going over everything, this family is already spending way too much on entertainment as it is," added Lynn, Sr. as he looked over one such bill and queried, "why does our internet usage keep spiking at twelve-thirty in the morning?"
"It looks as though we've hit a dead end," remarked Lucy to Lana's disappointment, though Luna had to disagree.
"Not necessarily… when one door closes, another door opens…" quoth the rocker.
The next stop was the bedroom Luna shared with Luan, and this time, it was the rocker who spelled it all out to her comedic roommate.
"As you can see, brah, what better way to support our fellow artists than shelling out for their big gig at the Royal Woods Theater?" Luna ended her testimony.
"Yeah, you wouldn't want to deprive your little sis exposure to the performing arts, would you?" Lana added.
"So, how 'bout it, sis?" Luna asked. "Can you shell out some clams for tix to the Primatez' concert?"
"Sure, I can…" began Luan, while Lana jumped for joy and shared a high-five with Luna (and Lucy just stood there with a blank smile on her face). "But, I'd have to go clamming, cause I have nothing to shell out."
That not only dampened their spirits, but also thoroughly confused Luna.
"What are you talking about, dude?" She asked. "You practically got a savin's account from all the dough you get from your kiddie gigs!"
"And I've been saving for my new setup…" explained Luan as she showed her sisters her latest acquisition: a new camcorder; a professional level, studio quality camcorder that was capable of shooting full 4K video, for which she had been saving up her Funny Business, LLC. Proceeds. "This is really gonna improve the quality of my new comedy vids, and there's always room for improvement," she quipped as she maneuvered around in her current spot to visually demonstrate her pun.
"Whoa… so jelly, dude," grumbled Luna as she looked longingly at her roommate's new apparatus, and lamented how such a high quality camera would do wonders for Moon Goats music videos.
"Sorry, gang; if I could, I would," said Luan before she quipped, "Looks like you'll just have to redirect your concert-ed efforts elsewhere."
"You get that one for free, brah," jeered Luna, who ordinarily cared nothing for her sister's puns, but had to admit that was actually a good one.
"Well, another door closes, I suppose another one opens," noted Lucy.
"Yeah, but I know which door this time," said Lana, and before she knew it, she was on her knees, begging her twin with clasped hands and puppy eyes. "Please, Lola? Please, Lola? Please-please-pleeeeaaaaase?"
Much like Luan, Lola always had a not-so-secret money flow stashed away from all of the cash prizes she won from previous pageant achievements; surely she could extend to her twin a loan to procure tickets for the concert, couldn't she?
"Ugh, why should any of my hard-earned finances be spent on a bunch a gross, hairy singing monkeys?" Lola asked.
"Monkeys?" An insulted Lana scoffed as the little animal lover hopped to her feet to school Lola. "Twoey-Stuie and Mud are chimpanzees, Bushel is an orangutan, and Penne is a gibbon!"
"Whatevs…" muttered Lola with an eye roll. "Besides, I don't like parting with my ready cash; I like to stay liquid."
"Don't we have rubber sheets for that?" Lana asked, not understanding her twin's financial talk. "Come on, Lols, please?"
"Ugh, fine," relented Lola before she began to impose her conditions: "But understand, this is a loan, and I expect you to pay it back in full."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll pay you back," agreed Lana. "Even if it takes me a zillion years."
With a nod, Lola stepped over to the closet and brushed her wardrobe aside to reveal a large metal safe with a keypad on it. After she punched in her access code (which was their birthday), the safe opened to what looked like the inside of a massive bank vault; Lana knew her twin was loaded with cash, but never realized she had been hoarding this much wealth. The pink princess fished out a wad of cash and proceeded to hand it to her twin, but held back.
"You'll pay interest, right?" She asked.
"Huh?" Lana responded in confusion. "Uh, yeah, I guess… how much?"
"28.9% compounded daily," said Lola.
"I don't even know what that means, but yeah, sure, whatevs," agreed Lana as she reached for the cash, only to have her prissy twin pull it away and refuse. "Lola!"
"I'm sorry, Lana… I can't do it… it's just the way I am," said Lola as she put the cash back into her safe and locked it tightly.
"Fine, be that way!" Lana spat as the red-capped tomboy stormed out of her and her sister's shared bedroom.
It began to seem as though getting tickets to the Primatez concert would be a hopeless case – not only were tickets selling out quickly, but as time passed, the prices for tickets increased considerably, making them even less affordable than initially. What really rubbed salt into Lana's wounds was hearing Primatez songs wherever she found herself, be it on the school bus…
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll pay
(I'll pay)
When tomorrow, tomorrow comes today
At the Shoulda Coulda Wooda lumber shop…
Up on Melancholy Hill
There's a plastic tree
Are you here with me?
Just looking out on the day
Of another dream
Even at her friend, Kayla's, house…
All my life
I won't get a take in
Cause I'm out when stakin'
And the rings I'm breakin'
Are making you a personal day
Indeed, the prospect of not being able to see her favorite band live in-concert while they are in her very hometown had left young Lana Loud feeling very despondent in the days that followed, and any attempts that either Luna or Lucy made to try to lift their sister's spirit proved to be futile.
Finally, the date of the concert arrived, and while Lana found herself being tortured by more promotional adverts for the Primatez' concert during TV time with her two sisters, their father stepped into the living room with a proposal that was sure to change the mood.
"Anyone want to help ol' Dad-o in the kitchen?" He asked. "I've got a big catering gig, and you know what they say, 'many hands make light work!'"
As business at Lynn's Table continued to grow, the proprietor found his services extending beyond just the confines of the restaurant, which now included catering.
"Might not be a good idea, Pops… I've been on a serious stress-picking spree," said Lana as she used her finger to remove and flick away pieces of dried mucus from her nasal cavity as a coping mechanism – much to her sisters' disgust.
"Come on, little dude, go get washed up and let's give Pops a hand," suggested Luna as she and Lucy coaxed their sister from the couch. "Might be just what you need to erase the thoughts of that concert from your brainbox."
"Did you say concert?" Lynn, Sr. asked. "My catering gig is a concert…"
"No foolin'?" Luna asked in intrigue. "Who ya feedin', Popstar?"
"The crew of some strange monkey band from merry England performing at the Royal Woods Theater…" said the balding patriarch.
"Strange monkey band?" Lucy asked.
"Merry England?" Luna asked.
"At the Royal Woods Theater?" Lana asked before her eyed widened in shock. "Primatez?! You're gonna feed the Primatez?!"
Lynn, Sr. could hardly hold his surprise back any longer as he finally explained, "When I found out who I was catering, I told the crew my daughter was a huge fan of the band, and they gave me these backstage passes. You're not only going to get to see the Primatez' concert, you're going to get to experience it, too!"
"You're the best, Pops! The best!" Lana squealed as she jumped into her father's arms in deep gratitude.
Before long, the kitchen was busy with Lynn, Sr. whipping up batches of culinary masterpieces that were sure to refresh any crew of any band, but at least with Luna lending a hand, the two Anglophiles bounced around ideas for what would surely please British palates – and not just traditional bangers and mash, but also pork pies, and even Jaffa cakes for dessert. Of course, with Lana in the kitchen, any mistakes that were made, she was more than happy to eat. Having three sets of hands helping him, Lynn, Sr. was able to finish his task with plenty of time for him and his daughters to safely cover and pack the dishes into the back of Vanzilla, and drive over to the Royal Woods Theater, where they were whisked back stage to set up their spread for the band's crew. These were familiar surroundings to Luna whenever she and the Moon Goats had gigs booked at any venue throughout Royal Woods and surrounding towns, but little Lana was truly amazed at how many people there were behind the scenes who put together concerts for a band with only four members on stage. All kinds of people were moving all sorts of equipment out onto the stage, from technicians who set up microphones, amplifiers, and other sound and lighting equipment, to artists who erected the scenery on the stage. All people who, sadly, never receive any of the glory that ordinarily goes to those who are seen by the public eye.
Speaking of whom, Lana was most anxious to actually get to see the Primatez up close and personal, and set about trying to scout them out among the bustling stage crew, but didn't seem to see any of them anywhere. She so hoped for an actual meet-and-greet with the members, especially Twoey-Stuie, her favorite member. Moments later, she spotted her father standing by the craft services table, engaged in idle chitchat with a pair of gentlemen whom Lana did not recognize, but she noticed they both were cringing ever so slightly… no doubt because of Lynn, Sr.'s rather poor efforts to speak in his fake British accent (needless to say, many a native Englander care nothing for the American perception that they all sound cockney). Curious, Lana approached the three, and when he saw his young daughter arrive on the scene, Lynn, Sr. knew introductions were in order.
"Oh, Lana, this is Damien and James; they in charge of the band," he introduced his daughter to the pair before he returned his attention to them. "Lana is so excited about seeing the band in-person!"
"I'm not excited, Pops; I'm psyched!" Lana exclaimed.
"That's the spirit, yeah?" James responded.
"Quite! The band will be ready to go live soon enough," added Damien, though Lana could not help but notice his voice sounded strangely familiar to her. "Oh, pardon us…"
With that, the two walked away to join up with four other people who arrived –three men and a young woman- each of whom wheeled rather large luggage cases with them and were heading into a nearby dressing room. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary, until something caught Lana's eye: one of the cases appeared to have a malfunctioning zipper. Curiously, from within the case dangled a hand… and not just any hand; this hand was covered in spikey blue fur. Lana immediately recognized the hand; it was Twoey-Stuie's hand. In an instant, Lana transformed from animal lover to animal rights activist.
"Hey! They've got Twoey-Stuie stuffed inside that case!" She yelped. "And they must have the rest of the Primatez stuffed in those other cases!"
"Whoa, calm down, sweetie," Lynn, Sr. attempted to reel in his irate daughter.
"Calm down?! Just because these guys are some big-shot band managers doesn't give them the right to be cruel to animals! I'm gonna save them!" Lana argued before she bolted for the dressing room she saw them tuck away into.
"Lana! Wait!" Lynn, Sr. called out and gave chase; when they saw what happened, Luna and Lucy joined their father in chasing after their sister.
Lana burst through the door like a detective pursuing a perp in hiding, but once inside the dressing room, she did not at all expect the sight that met her eyes: indeed, the Primatez had been contained within the luggage cases… or, rather, foam rubber suits that looked just like the Primatez, and the four people Lana witnessed wheeling these cases into the dressing room appeared to be putting these suits on.
"What's going on here?!" She demanded to know.
"I suppose the monkey's out of the barrel now, yeah?" James asked Damien.
"Appears so," nodded Damien before he turned to Lana. "So long as you're getting the backstage experience, I suppose we might as well treat you to a live behind-the-scenes featurette. I do believe you will find all of this most fascinating."
Lana, Luna, Lucy, and Lynn, Sr. listened and watched in intrigue as the pair began to explain the true history of the Primatez.
"Damien and I have been mates since university," began James. "After graduating, I went to work for Jim Jensen's Creature Factory, designing and building suits, puppets, and automatronics for various film productions shot in England…"
"And I became a studio musician, playing and sometimes providing backing vocals for up and coming artists and groups from London's underground music scene," added Damien before he drew everyone's attention to the four people who were in the process of suiting up in the Primatez costumes. "It's how I met these four fabulous chaps; they're aces."
"One night while we were getting sozzled in a pub, Damien was rattling off about this idea to create his own band of singing apes," continued James.
"I envisioned the characters in me mind, and James was able turn my mental images into a reality by designing and building the suits," added Damien. "We auditioned musicians who could play instruments inside suits, found these four, and thus, Primatez were born!"
The reactions to the revelation were a mixed bag, but the one who seemed to take none of this well at all was Lana, as her eyes glistened and her lip quivered.
"The suits were designed with maximum flexibility to allow for our musicians to move about freely without restrictions," James explained the intricacies of the suits. "The interior of the heads also have these chin strips that allow our musicians to move the characters' gobs…"
"And from behind the curtain, I provide the vocals… I do believe a live demonstration is in order…" added Damien.
With that, Twoey-Stuie's performer finished suiting up, fastening the strap inside the foam rubber head underneath his chin to allow for Twoey-Stuie's mouth to move. From there, Twoey-Stuie lip-synced to Damien's singing – now, Lana realized why the man's voice sounded so familiar; his was Twoey-Stuie's voice.
On Cracker Island, it was born
To the collective of the dawn
They were planting the seeds at night
To grow a made-up paradise
With nothing more to say, Lana ran out of the dressing room in a sob, while Luna chased after her. The mood in the room suddenly shifted, though not necessarily for the better – for which Lucy provided little help as she nonchalantly approached the performer who was partially suited up in Mud's costume.
"Are you a practitioner of the dark arts like your character is?" She asked him while he eyeballed her uncomfortably.
Lana sat atop a trashcan in the alley behind the venue, where the little blonde girl cried her eyes out. Luna slowly approached her broken little sister to try to gently console her.
"Not exactly what you were expectin', huh, little dude?" She asked soothingly.
"The Primatez aren't real… they… they're just people in dumb costumes!" Lana sobbed; beyond devastated to learn that her favorite act was, indeed, just an act all along.
"I know… sucks you had to find out about it this way…" said Luna as she began rubbing her little sister's back.
Lana regained her composure just long enough to absorb what Luna had just said, and it seemed to only make matters worse when she responded, "You knew?"
"Well, ya, I kinda had it figured out…" nodded Luna; unlike Lana, she was of an age where she was a little too wise to such fantasy.
"And you didn't tell me?! You let me go on thinking the Primatez were real when they weren't?!" Lana ranted. "What else do you know that you're not telling me? There's no Santa Claus? No Easter Bunny? I'm adopted?!"
The little tomboy, once again, buried her face into her palms as another wave of tears flowed from her ducts. In as much as Lana felt as though her entire world had been shattered, Luna felt just as awful to see her little sister in such a state… and, as it turned out, it was for this very reason why she apparently had been holding back on her sister…
"I didn't tell you, cause I didn't wanna ruin the magic for you…" she confessed. "They were real to you, cause you believed they were real. That was the magic; ain't no shame in believin' in magic, little dude. And you gotta admit, there's still somethin' pretty magical about a couple of blokes who were able to create such a killer band out of a bunch of people in suits."
"It's not the same," sobbed Lana; as far as she was concerned, there was nothing magical about people in suits as opposed to a foursome of actual sentient apes who could make music.
"Yeah, guess not…" agreed Luna reluctantly as she continued to rub her little sister's back. "Sorry, Lans..."
It took a moment, but Lana's sorrow gradually dissipated, and while taking things into consideration, she came to realize something.
"At least you never lied about the Moon Goats being a bunch of goats who live on the moon," she said.
"Naw; I wouldn't lie about that, little dude," chuckled Luna as she pulled Lana into a hug, and images of goats roaming the surface of the moon danced around in the rocker's imagination.
Several moments later, the concert was finally underway, performing to a packed house as indicated by the ticket sales. On stage, Bushel crashed away on his drums, Mud strummed away on his bass, Penne shredded her guitar, and Twoey-Stuie wowed the crowd by roller skating his way around the stage, while Damien was up in the sound booth with other engineers to provide Twoey-Stuie's vocals from behind the scenes while the spikey blue chimpanzee lip-synced on stage.
Calling the world from isolation
Cause right now, that's the ball where we be chained
And if you're coming back to find me
You'd better have good aim
Shoot it true
I need you in the picture
That's why I'm calling you
From backstage, Lana watched the concert along with her sisters and father. She remembered the music video for this song, and thought it was awesome to see a chimpanzee could roller skate through crowds of people in a busy park by the beach. There was a certain energy permeating throughout the venue that she was not at all immune to, but even so, she found that she couldn't enjoy the concert as much, given the knowledge she now possessed of who, or rather what, the Primatez really are. With that in mind, Lana wasn't so sure she could ever enjoy any of the Primatez' music the same way again. There was a good possibility she would have figured it all out when she grew older and wiser, like Luna suggested, but it was still sad to think that such magic had to die for Lana at such a young and tender age.
Some of you may have figured this out, but since Loud House has been going through a period in which many new episodes have basically just recycled plots and storylines from episodes of other children's shows, that is exactly what I did here: this was my Loud House take on the never-meet-your-heroes plot, with heavy inspiration coming from the classic Arthur episode, "Meet Binky." Of course, the biggest difference was the reveal of Primatez being people in suits, as opposed to being holograms as Binky were. Even though I am fairly certain that Gorillaz have been depicted as holograms in some of their actual concerts before, there are two main reasons why I opted to make Primatez costume characters instead: one was to avoid completely copying/ripping off Binky from Arthur, but the other was inspired by anecdotes the late Caroll Spinney has shared in which some particularly sensitive children who have visited the set of Sesame Street ended up being traumatized when they unwittingly witnessed him getting in and out of the Big Bird suit. I felt like that would be a more devastating/crushing reality for Lana to face than holograms.
Also, even though it seems like a rather random sibling trio, I chose Luna and Lucy to team up with Lana in this story. It made sense with Luna, being the music lover she is, but with Lucy, it admittedly was all a big excuse so I could write the gag of her inquiring if Mud's suit performer is a practitioner of the dark arts as his character is (the obvious parallel being that Murdoc Niccals is a Satanist who sold his soul to Satan to be able to form Gorillaz in the first place).
Finally, because writing songs is way too hard, and I did not want to exhaust my mind even attempting to try, I just lazily referenced some of my favorite Gorillaz songs throughout the story. Hey, that one song Binky kept singing over and over again on Arthur was a legitimate real song, so why not?