February 8, 2025
The Loud House:
The McBride Mystery
Written by: Nonya B. Swackz
Disc.: The Loud House belongs to Viacom International, Inc.; created by Chris Savino.
Lana, covered head-to-toe in mud, chased her pet frog, Hops, through the living room.
"Come back here, you slimy little rascal!" she shrieked, her voice bubbling with laughter.
Meanwhile, Lola was meticulously arranging her extensive collection of plastic tiaras on the coffee table.
"Lana, watch where you're going! You'll get mud on my royal accessories!" she exclaimed, her voice a dramatic whine.
Hops, ignoring Lola's protests, leaped onto the couch, narrowly missing a stack of Lincoln's comics.
"Ribbit!" he declared, seemingly mocking Lola's frustration.
Just then, the front door opened, and Clyde's dads, Mr. McBride #1 and Mr. McBride #2 (at least that's what Leni called them), entered, their faces beaming.
"Clyde, buddy, time to head home!" Mr. McBride #1 (the big, black one) announced.
Clyde, clutching Lincoln's Robo-Lizard 3,000 action figure, bounced into the living room.
"Bye, Lincoln!" he called up the stairs. "Thanks for letting me borrow Robo-Lizard! I promise I won't get any pudding on him this time!"
Lana, momentarily forgetting Hops, stared at the McBrides with wide, curious eyes.
"Wait a minute, Lola," she whispered to her twin, her brow furrowed in thought. "I just realized something: where's Clyde's mommy?"
Lola gasped, clutching her pearls (reality: plastic beads) dramatically.
"Oh my gosh, Lana," the princess girl whispered back, "you're right! Linky and Clyde have been bestest friends forever, and I've never seen Clyde's mommy. Do you think one of his 'daddies' kidnapped her?"
"Hmmm, maybe…" Lana said, stroking her chin like the detectives she'd seen on TV.
Mr. McBride #2 (the lanky, redheaded one) chuckled as he ruffled Clyde's hair. "Hey there, kiddo! You ready for some of Grandpa's world-famous banana pudding?"
Clyde's eyes lit up. "You bet! I'll have to be careful this time, though. I promised Lincoln I wouldn't get any pudding on his Robo-Lizard."
As the McBrides and Clyde exited, a lightbulb appeared over Lana's head, and she turned towards her twin with excitement in her blue eyes.
"Maybe Clyde's mommy is a muddy dinosaur!" she exclaimed, grabbing a toy dinosaur out of her and Lola's toybox.
Lola rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Lana, use your brain. We need clues, evidence, something tiara-worthy! We need to question our big brother!"
A minute later, in Lincoln's bedroom…
Lola, her tiara slightly askew, tapped her foot impatiently. "Lincoln, spill it! Where's Clyde's mommy?"
Lincoln sighed. "I don't know, girls. Clyde just has two dads and that's it."
Lana, still clutching her toy dinosaur, tilted her head. "But every kid has a mommy and a daddy! Our own mommy and daddy said so!"
Lola nodded in agreement. "Yeah! A family without a mommy? That's just weird!"
Lincoln shifted uncomfortably. How could he explain this to his six-year-old sisters?
"W-Well," he stammered, "sometimes…sometimes families are different, like Clyde's."
Lana's eyes widened. "Two daddies? Like…a king and another king?"
Lola scoffed. "Don't be silly, Lana. This is super important! Lincoln, are you hiding something? Is Clyde's mom a secret spy? Or maybe she's a princess agent?"
Lincoln groaned internally. This was going worse than he imagined. "No! It's just…some families have two moms, or two dads, or one of each. It's just how it is."
Lana frowned, confused. "But who bakes Clyde cookies? And who reads him bedtime stories?"
Lola crossed her arms. "And who helps him with his coloring? And who makes sure his toys are put away?"
Lincoln sighed again.
"His dads do all that stuff. They're really good at it," he said. "I don't know why he still colors at 11, though," he thought to himself.
Lola and Lana exchanged skeptical glances.
"Hmm," Lola said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "This is a big puzzle!"