Disclaimer: Do not own Mai Hime
What she needs-Part one
Afterwards
It was odd how much self-reflection Natsuki now had because of everything that had happened.
The pain was still there, from when her mother had died, from her father's abandonment and refusal to give her any sort of affection, just money-according to him, money, apparently, was the same as affection.
If nothing else, Natsuki supposed she was grateful to him for the money. You unfortunately couldn't get far in this world, without a big bank account. She had long since accepted that there would be no love or tenderness from her father, just money.
Fine by her.
But recent events had caused her to become grateful for what she did have.
She was positive that a lot of people in the school, thought that she had lost her mind-Kuga, the "ice princess," defrosting and making friends and actually being sociable.
But since the Festival? She had been spending time with people that she actually considered friends.
Mai, Mikoto. Chie and Aoi, thanks to Mai sort of melting the ice, also welcomed Natsuki into their circle.
Natsuki had worked to make sure there weren't any hard feelings between her and Yukino; when Yukino had awkwardly approached her and profusely apologized for not interfering that night when Shizuru had done….whatever she had done.
Natsuki had promised Yukino that she wasn't angry. Yes, Yukino probably should have done something, but she wasn't angry. Natsuki was surprised to find that she actually meant that.
The smile she had given Yukino, must have been too much for the brunette, because she actually smiled weakly, crying in relief.
Oddly, Natsuki and Yukino had been in contact since then, and had been talking regularly.
Haruka was a bit of a pain, but Natsuki would just roll her eyes whenever Haruka threw a fit and let Yukino defuse the situation.
To Natsuki's surprise, Akane had all but practically hugged her after the Festival, thanking her for being there for her after Kazuya had died, when her Child was destroyed. Yes, Natsuki had visited Akane regularly, when Akane had been grieving and traumatized, after Kazuya's death, but Natsuki hadn't expected Akane to so strongly see her as a friend. So, yes, she and Akane now hung out pretty regularly.
Then there was Nao. Natsuki had made sure Nao knew that she could reach out to Natsuki, should she ever want to.
Natsuki hadn't thought that Nao would take the younger girl would take her up on her offer.
But she had, much to Natsuki's surprise.
Nao of course, had been cautious the first couple of times she and Natsuki spent time together, but after a while, Nao had talked and even laughed more freely, after Natsuki tried to repair things, apologizing for distrusting Nao during the Festival, that she cared about the girl.
Nao was still sometimes cautious, as Natsuki expected, but had loosened up a lot more over time.
Natsuki had even met a few times with Mai's brother, Takumi and his girlfriend, Akira, when they came to visit Mai, both of them grateful for Natsuki's help during the Festival.
Then there was Natsuki's girlfriend, Shizuru.
It had been almost three years since the Festival, and now, Natsuki and everyone else graduated; even now Mikoto, who had just graduated from her last year at Fuuka Academy, was working with Mai and Tate at their job.
It was something that Natsuki had had a hard time squaring away, at first. But at the end of the day, she knew that she loved Shizuru. She might have buried her feelings deep, but she had known.
It had been one hell of a gamble, to have her Child, Duran, shoot off a cartridge and destroy Kiyohime, and by doing so, destroy herself and Duran, and by destroying Duran, destroy Shizuru, but at that point? Natsuki knew that there was no way either she or Shizuru could defeat each other, without killing the other, and by that point, she knew that she had trusted Mai, despite her vows of never trusting another human being ever again.
She had trusted Mai to bring them back, and Mai had done it.
And after the destruction of the Obsidian Prince, and everyone trying to get life back to normal, as much as they could, Natsuki had known that she had needed to start actually communicating with Shizuru.
(Almost three years ago, right after the Festival)
Everyone was scrambling to try to get back to a normal life, after everything.
Natsuki had made sure to speak to Shizuru alone in the classroom where they usually had spoken.
Regarding the remorseful appearing brunette, Natsuki chose her words carefully, not wanting to upset Shizuru.
She said, "Alright, I need us to communicate here, alright? Honesty. What happened that night? The night when Yukino saw you…"
Natsuki let her voice trail off and awaited Shizuru's answer.
Shizuru looked frail, pained and Natsuki wanted to reach out and hold the older girl, but didn't. She knew that Shizuru needed to talk about this.
And there was no polite way of asking. Natsuki knew that Shizuru knew what she was asking.
But there was no light way of asking, "did you rape me?"
Natsuki was almost certain that Shizuru had not. After all, even when she had been unconscious, exhausted and injured, she was positive that anything like that, would have woken her up.
It was something she had decided that she would have to be able to move past, if Shizuru had in fact, done that, that was, if Natsuki chose to actually be with Shizuru.
And Natsuki knew that that was what she was going to do, if Shizuru would have her.
So, she knew she would have to accept that if Shizuru had in fact sexually assaulted her? That she would have to be willing to move past that.
Natsuki wasn't sure how she was going to, but she knew that she would eventually.
Shizuru quickly answered, "I didn't do anything, like what Ms. Kikukawa was suggesting I did. It was just…you were cold, even with the blanket and you were having a nightmare. So, I laid with you and held you, wanting to comfort you. I swear I didn't do anything else except for that."
Natsuki nodded, smiling softly. She'd had a feeling that that had been all, but she had needed to be sure, before proceeding.
She walked closer to Shizuru, the other girl watching her, afraid that Natsuki might be angry, but Natsuki spoke, knowing that this was a big step that she wasn't going to be able to take back.
She stopped in front of Shizuru as she said, "Promise me that next time you want to do something like that, you'll wait until I give permission, okay? I trust what you said, that that was all you did, but still? I need you to tell me when you want to do something like that and respect if I say 'no,' okay?"
Shizuru nodded, smiling, clearly hopeful.
Natsuki then added, "I was never disturbed that you were in love with me, Shizuru. Just that you might have touched me without my permission, in that way."
That was the truth. Yes, it was a shock for her that Shizuru had fallen in love with her, but she had never been disturbed by that. It was her trust that at the time, had been compromised, because of what Yukino had implied that Shizuru had done.
Shizuru's practically heartbreaking hope was still present on her face as she nodded again, accepting this. "I'm sorry, Natsuki," she whispered, clearly still afraid of rejection.
Natsuki spoke then, "I know. And I forgive you. I do love you, Shizuru, I do," the hope in those red eyes when Shizuru heard this, broke Natsuki's heart-because how long exactly had Shizuru felt this way, but had never let anyone know? Natsuki continued, "Which…..I guess leads me to my question-do you want to….." Natsuki wasn't sure how exactly she was asking Shizuru this, after all the madness that had happened not but a week ago, still, she finished asking her question, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
Like Natsuki didn't already know the answer, but the entire reason that things had happened the way they had happened during the Festival, had been because no one had actually been honest with each other.
Natsuki not admitting what she felt for Shizuru, not admitting that she needed people in her life.
Shizuru not expressing her love for Natsuki, burying it, until she exploded.
Nao not telling anyone what her problems were.
Yukino not admitting that she was afraid of what would happen to Haruka.
Yukariko not telling anyone about Ishigami manipulating her, and not telling anyone that she had been lying when she had laid down, acting injured and acting like Nao had been the one to do it.
Shiho not expressing what was going on with her to Tate or Mai, burying her feelings and letting it come out in violent ways, using her Child to do it.
Yes, they all had been bound to kill each other during the Festival, but hadn't the entire reason for how specifically everything had fallen apart, been because no one had communicated?
That was one thing that Natsuki had decided. She was actually going to communicate with the people around her. Tell them that she cared about them, that she was grateful for them.
Natsuki expected the practical poignant happiness that filled Shizuru's face, when she asked the other girl the question, but it still was a bordering on overwhelming expression that Natsuki received in response.
Shizuru was shaking and Natsuki didn't have to ask, to know that the other girl was aching to hold her.
Natsuki held her arms out, still smiling.
Shizuru practically leapt from where she was standing, embracing Natsuki, wrapping her arms around the other girl, kissing Natsuki hungrily, practically trying to inhale the other girl.
Natsuki held Shizuru and the other girl held her as Natsuki kissed Shizuru back, ignoring the way her heart jumped, and tried to calm her panic down.
Being touched with such fervor, was not something she was used to since before meeting Shizuru, and certainly not so intimately.
But Natsuki wanted to be with Shizuru, and knew that she needed to be the one to be steering things, if she wanted this relationship to actually work. Shizuru was strong, so strong, but clearly, the weight of keeping her love for Natsuki secret, love that she believed to be wrong and wicked, had cracked her somewhat.
When Shizuru at last pulled away, both her and Natsuki gasping for breath, Shizuru cupped Natsuki's face, such yearning in her eyes that Natsuki had to wonder, not for the first time, how the other girl had kept her love quiet all this time.
Natsuki felt any remaining anxiety drift away, as Shizuru pressed her forehead against Natsuki's. Natsuki didn't regret this decision, and she never would.
(Now)
Everyone had left the island and now had their own respective places where they lived in the city on the shore, across from the island where everything went down.
Everyone remained in contact, and Natsuki and Shizuru had their own place now.
The moonlight came in through the window of Natsuki and Shizuru's apartment, and Natsuki, who was leaning back against the broad headboard of the bed, smiled as she looked down at where Shizuru lay, on her stomach, beneath the covers.
This was one of those nights where Natsuki had taken control, and had happily, zealously tired Shizuru out. The pale moonlight just barely allowed Natsuki to see Shizuru's back rise and fall as the other woman breathed in and out.
The pieces of sheets that Natsuki had used to bind Shizuru's arms above her head, to the headboard of the bed, had been untied and discarded.
Natsuki still tasted Shizuru's pleasure, from how many times Natsuki put her mouth between Shizuru's legs and devoured the other woman, listening to Shizuru's moans and cries.
Natsuki glanced at the time on the digital clock sitting atop the table next to the bed.
It was getting close to 1 in the morning.
Natsuki sank down onto her back, pulling the blanket over herself, squeezing closer to Shizuru, kissing the other girl's forehead, then resting her head down, staring at her lover in the dark.
"I love you," she whispered, as she closed her eyes, feeling safer and more at peace than she had in a long time, as she joined her love in sleep.