Chapter 13 - Finally Home Where I Belong

Warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts and attempted murder that's slightly graphic.

Obi-Wan gets back from Utapau not long later. He congratulates Anakin on being able to stop the Sith when no one else could. Anakin wishes he could feel more at being praised like that – something that so rarely happens. But instead, all he feels is a numb misery.

The Senate's pushing for a fast trial considering the severity of – Well, everything Sidious did. There's many who don't even believe it and think the Jedi are way overstepping, and others who are outraged.

He doesn't know how that's going to end. Doesn't want to think about it.

Anakin goes down to Palpatine's cell as soon as he can. He's feeling beyond nervous but he... has to do this.

Sidious is pacing back and forth when Anakin approaches the ray shield, but he pauses, turning to face him.

He could go into the cell, but – He doesn't know how safe that would be and he's... a little scared to. He can't get what happened out of his head.

"What are you here for?" Sidious asks neutrally.

Anakin can't read the tone at all and it's maddening. "I just want to talk to you," he replies, hands clenching. He doesn't even know what he's here to say. Just – something.

Sidious waits for him to continue so after a moment he just does. "You were planning to create a Sith Empire, weren't you?" That's what the Jedi have indicated the Sith wants and he doesn't know how that would even happen but at the same time...

"An Empire is the only thing that will hold the galaxy together, Anakin. You must see that. The Separatists will not accept that they lost for long."

He knows that, even if he doesn't want to think about it. "That's not all it's about, is it?" If it was, Sidious wouldn't have played both sides of the war from the beginning. Anakin doesn't know that it wasn't at least partly to help, though. He wants to think it was. Wants to believe – that everything he thought of Palpatine wasn't all a lie.

"Ruling the galaxy is the right of the Sith," Sidious replies flatly.

"So you did also do it for power," Anakin says numbly.

"Power is all there is," he retorts, "If not for your strength in the Force, Anakin, how would you have been able to protect any of those you consider important to you? The Jedi would never even have accepted you if not for your strength. They only want to use you, but with your strength, you can break the chains they have over you."

"He is to be trained then?"

"No."

That moment will always haunt him and now's not the time to get lost in thinking about it. "But if you don't have anything but power, what good is it? If you don't have anything you care to protect?"

"There will always be forces who try to take from you what is rightfully yours."

"But – if all you fight for is to have power, to be in control, what's the point? What does it give you?"

Sidious' eyes narrow. "What point did you really come here to say, Anakin?"

He knows what he needs to say but he's hardly sure how to. He doesn't think Sidious will want to hear it but it might be the only chance he has. "I don't know why you Fell but I can guess a little. You've always been alone. You never had anyone. That's why you want power now. That's why you felt there was something wrong with the galaxy and you wanted to change it." And whatever it was he once wanted has been changed and warped by the Dark Side completely over the years.

"Having anyone holds you back," Sidious hisses. He sounds angry. And that means – Anakin clearly hit a nerve.

He swallows back his surge of fear, seeing him this upset. Sidious can't hurt him again. He feels sick that he has to be afraid of that. "Then why didn't you kill me? Why didn't you kill your brothers? You could have. There's not much I can promise you anymore, but Biel and I will always care about you. We'll never... stop."

"And if that's what Engel wants of you?" Sidious asks smoothly.

Ugh.

Not this again.

"How much I care about him has nothing to do with how much I care about you. I told you before and I mean that. It's not – I'm not choosing between you. I want you both. I want you as my family. I always will."

"And yet you were willing to let the Jedi imprison me."

As if there was any other choice he could make?

He wants to cry, suddenly and it's all he can do to hold back the tears burning his eyes. "I didn't want to. I just don't know what to do."

"The Jedi will betray you. They still intend to betray the Republic," Sidious warns but there's something about that tone –

He's trying to nudge him in a specific direction, isn't he? "They haven't yet. They've still been loyal. And I – I didn't come here about that. I came here for you."

Sidious doesn't reply for a long pause. "It's too late for that." He turns away from the ray shield, not really looking at him the way he has been all this time.

"I know your family was awful," Anakin blurts, "But that doesn't mean that's what families are meant to be like. I won't leave. And unless everything with us was just because you wanted to – to use me the same way the Jedi have been, then I know there must be something of who you used to be still there."

He wishes it felt less like he was reaching out with this into a void. He knows Palpatine needs his help but it's hard when Palpatine's always been the one to help him. He doesn't fight with him. And now, even if he's trying to help him, he can't just –

They can't let him go if he's going to tear apart the galaxy again. He's already killed so many.

But for now, that's probably about all Anakin can truly say to him.

**w**

Anakin goes up to the cruiser to see Rex right after the arrest. He hasn't seen him since the battle with how busy he's been after all.

"Sir?" Rex asks, looking relieved, "There were rumors about how the Sith captured you. The boys were worried."

"I'm okay," Anakin promises. As okay as he could be given the most recent revelations.

"I can't believe the Chancellor would do something like this," Rex says, an obvious lingering anger and hurt in his voice.

It makes his heart twist. The clones are the ones who were hurt the most, and – He's so angry at what Sidious did to them. It's like –

Close enough to being a slaver, getting them all killed needlessly. He doesn't remember a lot of the war but he knows how much his boys have been hurt.

"I should have seen something sooner," Anakin says, shaking his head, "He was my friend, I..."

"We all trusted him," Rex points out.

"Yes," he agrees quietly. And there's a wild part of him that still desperately wants to even if he knows it's foolish.

"Is something else troubling you, sir?" Rex inquires, studying him.

Anakin sighs quietly. It genuinely feels insensitive to tell him this, knowing how much the clones have suffered from Sidious' choices. That's not something Anakin can ever forget. "I just think that – I know he's a traitor and what he's done is awful, but I'm not sure he intended it to... be quite this way. He's manipulating the situation but I think he genuinely believed it... wasn't all wrong. I don't know what to think." He wants me and I'm the only one he cares for. He doesn't want to lose me. How can I tell anyone no to that, no matter how angry I might be? He knows what it's like to be rejected. He can't do that to someone else.

"I don't know what to say, sir," Rex admits, "But he was your friend. If... there's something more to this, I believe you would know better than anyone else."

Maybe.

Being so personally involved is half of what's making him feel so lost. But he'll... have to figure something out. Somehow.

**w**

Hearing about the trial on the holonet is agonizing, really.

Anakin stops watching it after the beginning because it's literally making him feel physically sick. He doesn't want to hear the details about all the awful things Palpatine's done anymore than he wants to watch how the entire galaxy is shifting to hate him even if it's rightful. He just wants things to be simple again but they're never going to be.

He doesn't mean to start hiding from everyone but it feels like he is anyway, just a little bit. Everyone wants Sidious dead.

And maybe he should too but he doesn't and –

It feels like the only person who might really understand some of that is Biel.

Anakin's in the apartment with him late one evening – he was going to go to 500 Republica soon – when he senses a sudden flicker of something in the Force.

Biel draws in a sharp gasp, a hand pressing to... the general area right below his chest.

"What's wrong?" Anakin asks desperately, jolting forward.

"I don't know," Biel gasps out, "It's something – Sheev."

His blood runs cold.

"You're feeling his pain?"

Biel nods wordlessly. "Find him. It's – "

He's in danger. Anakin can feel it in the Force, even though he has absolutely no idea from what. He doesn't wait for Biel to say another word, just takes off.

It takes him what feels like far too long to get all the way to the Jedi Temple. Conversations are buzzing in the hallways when he finally does get there. Something about Sidious and dying that he doesn't really catch but it makes his heart leap to his throat.

"Is something happening?" Anakin asks, approaching the head of the Temple guard.

"One of the Temple guards attacked Sidious when he was in his cell. He was nearly dead when he was found. The guard is... presently detained," he replies.

Someone tried to assassinate him.

And that –

Strategically makes zero sense because it's pretty much a guarantee that Palpatine is going to be executed. He still feels sick when he thinks about that. He's tried not to thus far.

But that means whatever this guard did must've been just for revenge. Because he wanted it to be personal.

Maybe fairly, but just – That's not the Jedi way. They don't hurt their prisoners, least of all try to kill them when they're completely defenseless.

"Can I see him?" Anakin asks.

The guard gives him an odd look and it makes his gut flip. No one's confronted him about caring about Palpatine yet but he knows it could happen. If the Jedi realized, they'd be – He doesn't want to think about it.

"He's in the healer's wing now. They don't know if he'll make it yet. They haven't stabilized his condition. I don't think anyone will be allowed in right now."

He's being diplomatic about it but he sounds entirely unconcerned that Sidious might die of these injuries.

It fills him with a sickening bitterness.

Why would any of the Jedi care? This is just a Sith, one they hate more than anyone else.

One who's probably going to be executed anyway.

Maybe he asked for it with his own actions, but it's –

"What happened?" he asks.

"We have footage of it," the guard replies. "If you would like to see."

He takes Anakin to where he can show it to him. He wants to see even if he thinks he's going to regret that choice.

He watches the hologram numbly.

It starts right off when the Jedi lifts a hand and starts Force-choking him. "You're going to die here," he hisses, "Like you more than deserve."

"Some – Jedi – way – " he rasps out, not really able to speak properly when he can't even breathe.

He can't fight it off either considering that he's in Force-null cuffs. Which Anakin can understand because of how dangerous he could be, but...

The Jedi flings him across the room, pinning him against the wall with the Force. "I don't care what this defines as," he growls, "You're behind the war. My padawan is dead because of you. So is my master. And I want to see you die by my own hand."

Fallen, clearly, or he wouldn't be reacting this way, but Anakin –

Gets that.

Whoever this man lost, it is Sidious fault. He feels sick. Both from that and for whatever's about to happen.

The Jedi ignites his lightsaber, stepping closer to him.

He presses it against – well, the area right below his chest, an area where a stab wound wouldn't be fatal. He's not being fast about stabbing him, though. He's not doing it fast. He's slowly burning it through him.

Anakin flips off the hologram when he starts screaming, his gut rolling at the sound.

That – what –

The Jedi let that happen.

Sidious might... deserve whatever the law decides to give him, but doing that is against everything the Jedi believe in. Or are supposed to. And no one really – cares.

It's just –

He doesn't know that he can even trust anyone to make the right decision in this choice anymore. Not the Jedi, not –

Well not himself either.

He's going to go see him now.

Anakin takes off, trying not to run so he doesn't look too suspicious. There are guards everywhere in the healer's wing, like they're obviously expecting a dying Sith to be able to try escaping right now.

Considering that Anakin's still on the Council though, they let him in pretty quickly.

Sidious is lying in bed, bandaged. He doesn't look very well but he is awake. His gaze locks with Anakin when he shifts closer.

He looks to the guards, silently requesting that they leave the room and after a moment, they do. Though they're probably under the impression that he wants them to leave for an entirely different reason than why he does.

Anakin steps up to the bed, trying to think past the horror flooding him. He doesn't know what to say.

"Anakin?" Sidious rasps first, voice slurring over as he speaks.

"I'm here," he says, blinking a few times, "You'll – be fine." For now, at least.

He only half seems to be seeing him. He reaches up slowly, fingers brushing across Anakin's cheek.

Anakin freezes, staring at him.

Last time he did that was when Anakin was trapped and couldn't move and well – The situation is basically reversed now but he's still jittery. It's so gentle though. And it's not fake. Sidious is too out of it be doing this as a fake.

"Didn't – want to hurt you," he says, half to himself. Anakin's not sure if he's aware that he's talking out loud or not. "But you were going to turn on me like everyone else."

"I – " What's he supposed to say to that? "No, I wouldn't have. But I couldn't let you keep doing what you were." That he had to stop.

Doesn't mean he doesn't still love him, maybe far more than is even reasonable considering what he's done.

"You were meant to be with me. You're – mine. You're the only one who ever has been. But they're going to take you away. They already did."

"I'm still here," Anakin promises, blinking back the sudden tears burning his eyes, "I – No one else may want to be, but I am. Caring about other people doesn't mean I don't care about you too."

"Your loyalty to them will always be first." He sounds more hurt than angry right now. He is definitely high on drugs right now or he would not be talking so openly. It feels invasive to even continue this conversation but what else is he supposed to do? It would be very unkind to just walk out.

"Isn't yours to the Sith first?" Anakin asks tightly. He doesn't mean to hurt him but it's the blunt truth. And if it's not the truth, he wants to know.

"Should be," Sidious mutters, definitely half to himself now, "But when you were lost all the months, I didn't think you were going to come back. I'm not going to let that be true now. I'm not going to lose you."

"Even if that meant giving up on your Empire?"

"That's the only way that I'll – have you. And Biel. And – anything. That's all there is. But that's gone now."

"Just because what you... worked for is gone doesn't mean Biel or I are," Anakin promises, "I know why you're afraid of – everything that you are, but you don't need to be. Not for me."

Sidious' hand presses against the side of his cheek. The affection in his eyes is definitely real and it makes him feel choked with emotion.

"Why?" Anakin asks finally, "Why did you become a Sith? I mean – what did you want at first?"

It feels invasive to ask now but the truth is, he doesn't think he'll get a truthful answer otherwise.

"Never got to have control of anything, not until after I killed Cosinga. And then my master. The only way was if I ruled. The only way to keep what was – mine. Thought I could do it to help at first. But my master told me ruling was the way of the Sith, and it was. Power is all there is. And you – you were going to be at my side but you don't want that." He sounds vaguely accusing now.

Anakin knows the desire of wanting power too personally himself, if he's being honest. Power to actually be able to protect. He knows how easily someone could fall from there.

He's feared that himself before. Maybe half because he can always feel the Jedi's constant disapproval over how strong he is, even though strength is the only thing they've ever wanted him for.

Palpatine wanted to use him too but it wasn't only that. It's also because in some twisted way, he thinks it's the only way he'll ever have anyone. And it's the only kind of caring he's really ever known. It's not fair to hold all of that against him, even if it hurts.

Anakin touches his arm, at an annoying loss for words. "I'm not going to let you get hurt again, but I can't..." Do anything else. Not now, at least. He feels so helpless and lost.

"Doesn't matter if they do," he says, blinking up at the ceiling a few times. His hand drops back to the bed.

It's ridiculous how much Anakin misses being touched when it was making him uncomfortable at the same time.

"Everything I did is – gone. And so are you. Won't matter to Engel, and Biel will be happy with him."

He really believes that, doesn't he? He doesn't care if he –

Anakin leans forward without thinking, hugging him about as much as he's able to when he's lying down. He can't do it entirely when it'll risk hurting him but he just –

Has no idea what to do.

Sidious never said anything like this before.

But with nothing to do in prison but brood, he probably hasn't had much time to think about anything other than it's a guarantee he's about to die in some way or other.

Sidious arm reaches up slowly, awkwardly patting his back.

The tears spill silently down his cheeks. He wishes he knew what to do. He wishes he knew what the right thing to do was.

"Are you crying?" Sidious sounds incredulous and a little freaked out and maybe worried.

Anakin makes a noncommittal sound. What's he even supposed to say to that kind of question?

"Your pain will make you stronger. And give you power," he promises, as though that's at all helpful in this situation.

He doesn't say anything. Doesn't know what to say.

"You'll always be mine," Sidious mutters, definitely to himself, "Even when I'm gone."

Yes.

That definitely made him feel better.

Not.

He wants to stop thinking about it but he can't. Not when he knows what's coming.

**w**

Sidious knows that Anakin was here when he wakes up again. He doesn't remember the details of their conversation but he certainly remembers enough. Enough to know he didn't intend to say any of what he did.

He doesn't have much time to think about it because he's taken for his final hearing at the Senate as soon as he's recovered enough to move.

He knows what the result is going to be even before it's finished.

The Senate wants blood. And they don't have anyone else to blame anymore. He has plenty of allies still, but not enough. Not when a bunch of them have already been arrested, including Mas Amedda.

The temporarily elected Chancellor announces the results. "Former Chancellor Palpatine, by an overwhelming majority, the Senate finds you guilty of treason and sentences you to execution."

As expected.

It still fills him bitterness and anger, but most of all numbness. He could almost be surprised by that but he's not.

He knew it was coming.

He had little to do but start to accept it in his cell, especially after his near death.

There isn't anything he can do to pull himself out of this one. Being a strategic planner means knowing when things are out of his hands and this – is.

Sidious' gaze darts across the Senate room, finding Anakin where he's sitting with other members of the Jedi Council.

He's not looking at anyone. His face is tight and pale.

Sidious can feel a flare of horror and denial his bond with Biel. And Engel – doesn't seem happy either but he feels resigned more than anything else. And guilty.

But enough to have stopped this from the start, so that doesn't much matter, does it?

His gaze lingers on Anakin until they lead him away.

**w**

Ahsoka might feel a big smug in any other circumstances. After everything Sidious did, he definitely had this coming. But she can see how upset Anakin is and that makes everything else fade away right off.

"I'm sorry," she tells him quietly, running to catch up with him as they're all filing out of the Senate.

He nods a little, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. He kind of looks like he's going to cry.

She's rarely ever seen that on him and it always hurts, because this is her master and he's very emotional but he doesn't just – She pauses, abruptly tackling him in a hug. Anakin catches her, squeezing her back with surprising force.

She wants to say something but what could she even say?

They stay there in silence for a few moments until she hears someone else coming.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan's voice asks.

She feels him stiffen a little but he slowly steps back. "Yes?" His tone is too flat. Too – he's about to shatter. She can see that much.

From the way Obi-Wan's expression softens just the slightest bit, she thinks he quickly realizes that too. She doesn't doubt that he's about as happy about it as most of the Jedi were, though.

"I know he was your friend but – " he starts to say, very awkwardly. He seems about as much at a loss of what so say as Ahsoka herself.

"We all know he's evil. I don't think we need to hear that right now," Ahsoka interrupts, just in case that's what he was about to say.

Obi-Wan sighs.

Anakin says nothing.

He touches Anakin's shoulder briefly and her master leans into it a little but otherwise no one speaks. Maybe there's nothing to be said.

She feels someone else approaching moments later and she's unsurprised to see that it's Engel.

Anakin twitches a little seeing him, looking up. "Where's Biel?" he asks hoarsely. It sounds like it's a fight for him to keep his voice level.

"At home," Engel replies quietly. He looks almost as miserable as Anakin does actually, which surprises her just a little, "He's... a wreck."

"You're not with him?" Ahsoka blurts. She was trying not to think about how much this would upset Biel at all.

"I'm not sure he wants to see me right now."

Ugh.

The whole galaxy is a stupid mess.

"But I expect he'd like to see you," Engel goes on, eyeing Anakin.

He nods mindlessly.

"I'm sorry," Engel adds quietly after a moment, sounding almost awkward.

"I know," Anakin says numbly. "I'll go see him."

Ahsoka reaches out, squeezing his hand one more time which he returns, but – There's nothing she can do to help and she hates it.

**w**

He still feels a bit in a daze by the time he makes it to Biel's apartment. He knew this would happen but that doesn't mean he was prepared for the reality. Not – what it means.

He promised Palpatine he wasn't going to leave him and now he's going to do die and there's nothing Anakin can do, is there?

Biel's crying when he lets him in.

Anakin thinks that by now, he feels too numb to.

"I can't let this happen," Biel says determinedly.

Anakin bites his lip. "What – what do you want to do?"

"We can still get him out. We can keep him under watch somewhere to make sure he doesn't – try anything again if we have to, but he's my brother. I can't just let him die. Even if his trial was fair."

"What are you planning to do?" he asks, mind whirling. He doesn't want to let this happen either, but –

"You're the only one who can do anything, Anakin," Biel says and he sounds pleading, "You have to get him out before it's too late."

His heart is pounding.

What's he supposed to do?

What if he gets caught? What if by doing this, he unleashes Sidious on the galaxy again? He could never – Sidious killed so many and Anakin doesn't know that he's planning to stop, but he can't forget what he said when he was out of it either. He wants Anakin more than anything else, even if he's too consciously stubborn to accept that.

Too afraid.

But –

How could he just let him be killed?

No one in the trial once considered what it was that led him to make the choices he did. And this his friend and mentor. He just –

Regardless of what he might legally deserve, Anakin can't just stand aside and let him die. He's not really thinking this through but he doesn't have time too anyway. The sentence is being carried out immediately because of the potential flight risk.

He can't stop thinking about that recording of the Temple guard trying to assassinate him already. He still feels sick over that, even if –

He can understand in theory why he did that.

"I'll do it," Anakin whispers, desperately hoping that this is going to work.

Biel hugs him impulsively, and Anakin returns it. "Thank you," he murmurs. "I'll do whatever I can."

"Just – give me an hour. I need to think of a way to do this." And then he'll see who's help he needs.

**w**

In the end, the only way Anakin can think of to get Sidious out is to get him out now, before he's taken to the spot for execution.

It's going to be dangerous and he knows what it could end in. But the only advantage he thinks is that he doesn't think anyone actually expects him to do something, not even in the Council.

He programs a mouse droid to go into the camera room and glitch out the system in the prison area and other random places throughout the Temple, just so that no one has a reason to focus on the prison thing, though he expects that it'll be the first place people check.

He discreetly sneaks off with some Temple guard clothing, dressing himself in it before he goes down there, cloaking himself in the Force so tightly that not even the Temple guards should notice him.

Though they're definitely looking his way when he darts by.

He's concealing his presence though. Hopefully it's enough.

Anakin's heart is pounding as he reaches the cell door and deactivates the ray shield.

"Anakin?" Sidious asks, standing and eyeing him uncertainly.

He doesn't seem sure why he's here.

Does he actually think the Council would've sent Anakin to –

"Come," he urges, heart pounding, "We don't have much time."

"You're – " A look of realization dawns in his eyes and he hurries out into the hall without another word.

Anakin pulls the cuffs off but pauses. "I have somewhere safe to take you. I'm trusting you're not going to turn this against us."

Sidious is studying him, gaze unreadable. He obviously knows what he means. "You can," he replies finally.

All Anakin can do is desperately hope to the Force that that's the truth.

They move swiftly, getting into the vents together and start crawling. It's weird to be doing that with Palpatine. They don't make it far before an alarm goes off. They've been found out. Of course.

He knew it was coming.

Doesn't stop how hard is heart is pounding as they reach that spot in the vents that he chose, and Anakin pushes a button his comm. They only have to wait a minute before Biel's speeder flies up. He's in disguise so no one will see him but this isn't going to go unnoticed for long.

They scramble into the speeder and take off, flying for the underworld.

But Anakin catches sight of the speeders pursuing them only minutes later.

Anakin definitely should've taken over flying, but he's not going to have time for that now. Another Jedi speeder circles out of the lanes of traffic unexpectedly and a Temple guard jumps from the back, landing on the back of theirs, igniting his lightsaber. Anakin Force-shoves him and he stabs his lightsaber down into the speeder. It starts sparking wildly, spiraling out of control.

The Jedi falls off, landing on a speeder below – at least he's okay – but they're going down and this isn't going to end well.

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