A/N: Heck yeah. *puts on sunglasses*

Let's roll.

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Konan

Konan and Soye sat at Soye's dining room table, sipping cups of tea. The vampires did not have utilities in their houses, but Manta's water and fire magic sufficed. Konan did not know when or why Soye had started stocking tea. She didn't ask. Some instinct told her that it wasn't worth thinking about. The hairs on the back of my neck rise as if a storm is in the air…

Manta sat on the table, looking lost. Konan patted his head, wondering why he allowed himself to be separated from Warlic. Soye noticed. "This is the doll that usually follows another."

"Yes."

"But today, he walks alone."

Manta looked down. Konan patted his shoulder. "Everything has its season."

Soye nodded. She lowered her cup and leaned back in her chair. "The expectation was that he would not do so for long. If that expectation must be upheld…"

Konan poked the side of Manta's head. He looked up. She told him, "If you sincerely wish for the company of the other dolls, you may open a portal for them. But we, Soye and I, do not need them. That is your decision, and yours alone." Manta looked down and rubbed his hands together like he'd never imagined holding such power.

To Soye, Konan bowed her head. "I apologize for presuming too much."

Soye waved a hand. "Apology accepted, but unnecessary. I have told you that several nights will pass before the dolls will be set loose in their first experimental garden. Now you know. All is well."

Konan smiled. "You do not mind this unnecessary visit, then?"

Instead of responding, Soye looked out the sliding glass door. It was only possible to sit together at the dining table because the demon boy held a sunshade over the house. He was wandering around the backyard, jumping on things and sometimes digging holes with his bare fingers. Konan remembered her very first interaction with the boy. His conversation with Hidan back then had revealed that he used to commit wanton acts of violence in failing attempts to relieve a persistent sense of boredom. Watching him bang two stones against each other, Konan reflected on how much his ability to handle boredom had grown. In all the chaos of our lives, it seems that everything changes and nothing changes. Then you stop, look around, and realize that something changed that you never thought to notice before. Perhaps both the chaos and the frustration are illusions and this is what is real. It is not true that everything changes. It is not true that nothing changes. It is true that some things change, slowly, when you aren't looking.

Soye looked at Konan. "Last night, my words may have sounded rash and uncharacteristic. But in truth, I have been thinking them for some time. Your man's words were merely the final straw that convinced me for sure that a change to our methods is needed."

Konan nodded. "I noticed that they seemed to disturb you."

"They were as blatant as a slap to the face," Soye replied. "I have been aware for a long time that your group is uniquely resistant to attack. Any harmful thing that happens to you is absorbed, learned from, and reflected. You nullify your opponents and add their strengths to your own, like some science-fiction nanomachine monstrosity that becomes whatever it eats. When your man declared that he was not afraid of losing blood and would in fact be willing to offer it, that was proof that you'd consumed and nullified us. Our blood-draining, rendered harmless and reflected back in a form that serves as an attack in and of itself. Our own weapon, turned against us."

Konan tilted her head. "Accepting and becoming comfortable with blood loss does not make it harmless."

"No, of course not. But loss of blood is not the weapon I was referring to. Three-quarters of power is fear."

"Ah. I see." The vampires are not powerful because they are deadly. They are powerful because they are horrifying. The presence of a vampire invokes death, sensuality, rape, and other concepts that most people would rather not face. When they flee from a vampire, it is really these concepts that they are fleeing from. Abstract concepts turned real, turned alive, turned powerful… Gods. The vampires walk with gods at their sides. And now, they see those same gods walking at our sides. Now they are the ones fleeing from living incarnations of death, violation, sexual force, and similar. Now they are the ones feeling horror. Jashin sama is not the only god of theirs that we have stolen. He was just the first. "I would offer an apology, if I could. But I cannot, because how can it be wrong to make ourselves stronger in the presence of such powerful neighbors?"

"It is not wrong, and I do not ask for apology." Soye's eyes glinted. "I ask for something else. Something that it was not possible to ask for until this moment, until our…friendship…reached the level of strength where we can comfortably pay each other social visits without even the illusion of doing business."

"What is it that you ask for?"

"Your power."

Konan blinked. Our power? She must mean the very power that we have used against her. The power to steal gods. "We are just coming to an understanding of what our power is and how to wield it. How it works, how to teach it to others… We aren't ready. We don't know those things yet."

Soye nodded. "I understand that. I also understand that your power is deeply rooted in your flexible group structure, your group's relative youth, and other factors that we vampires cannot copy and do not wish to. It is unlikely that we could ever adopt this remarkable ability. However, it is a remarkable ability, and I shall be the first to admit that we respect you for having it even if we do not wish to have it ourselves. Your group is…admirable, in certain respects. How lucky we are to call you allies."

Konan sat up straighter. So that's what this is about. The time for training our dolls, forgiving our trespasses and allowing our troublemaking members to steal from them is over. It is time for us to repay those favors. "I am surprised to hear you say so. You have praised our defensive capabilities, but your own group is the only one we need such abilities to defend ourselves from. Our remarkableness benefits you little."

"Not so," Soye replied. "You know that even we vampires have things to fear. Sunlight. Prophets. Wild beasts. We have fears, as anyone else does, and so it is reassuring to have strong friends."

Konan smiled. "Not many would call our presence reassuring, regardless of our allegiance."

"Many of my people would not. But clearly, trying to intimidate you is a losing battle. Better to change our attitudes, let go of intimidation as a battle strategy altogether, and embrace other ways of getting along."

"Understood." Konan drained her cup and put it down. "Should we also be glad to have strong friends?"

"Possibly," Soye murmured. "At the meeting of regional guardians, there was one present who I did not recognize. Teknos. Some sort of demon, they said, but a different kind from that boy outside. Who and what are they?"

"Sex-changing demons who are called succubi and incubi, depending on what form they are currently in. Seeing or hearing them exposes one to a sexually charged aura strong enough to cripple all capacity for intelligent thought if the target finds it appealing. Hypnotized targets become extremely passive. They drift towards the demon if they can, and otherwise remain still. This allows the demon to feed on their soul, which reportedly feels good. The demons have a professional arrangement with the local bar. They hypnotize patrons for short periods and lightly sip from their souls, not to a dangerous level, just enough to attract business."

"How many of these demons are there?"

"Unknown."

Soye shot Konan a critical look. "You do not think it important to know how many soul-sucking demons live in the nearby town?"

In retrospect, that IS strange. Any shinobi chunin-level or higher would think me incompetent for not knowing such basic information. Konan cleared her throat. "We had a negative interaction with a demon once. We have been hesitant to interact with them too much ever since." At Soye's raised eyebrow, she elaborated with, "A demon attacked us. We fought her. She died."

Soye tilted her head. "What is so negative about that interaction?"

"The demon died. We killed her, and did so before training our members to be vaguely competent in battle. It is impossible to see the demons as a serious threat."

"Make it possible," Soye said sternly. "That Teknos certainly had threat potential."

"Hmm. Yes, they did." Could that be why I feel so tense?

Soye poured herself another cup of tea and gave the cup to Manta for heating. "Only a limited number of demons can work inside a single establishment. If there are more than about a dozen of them, the others must support themselves in some other way. What else do they do? Where else do they go? Where do they spend their time when they are not at work?" She held up a hand before Konan could possibly speak. "Our numbers are limited. We cannot keep eyes on everyone everywhere."

"You wish for the Akatsuki to scout out the demons for you, find out how much of a threat they are."

"Yes. Some form of recompense can be provided, especially if any of your members are injured in the process."

"I would like to think we are capable of protecting ourselves by now." Besides, with allies like the dolls and Sasori's bicycles, there is no need to involve anyone that the demons could possibly hypnotize. This would be an extremely low-risk mission. "Very well. We shall gather information on the demons."

"Within the week, if possible."

Konan hesitated. "Matters of timing cannot be decided by one person alone. I would have to discuss it."

"You are carrying a cellphone, aren't you? This matter is sufficiently important to warrant discussing it immediately."

Konan raised her hands in acquiescence. Pulling out her cellphone, she dialed Clone Hidan's number. To Soye, she said, "I am calling the prophet." Soye nodded as if to say, Who else? The phone rang only once before being picked up. Konan pressed a button and said, "Before you speak, know that you are on speakerphone. I am in meeting with Soye."

"Eh, sure." Hidan sounded tense. "I talked with the Hatakes, and I was just talking with your old teammates about the demons, and it seems like there's a buncha political shit going on. It has to do with Teknos, and I guess it could affect regional guardian business, so should I discuss it here?"

Oh no. "Tell us everything that is related to Teknos and his people."

"That's gonna be a long story. Hope you're comfy. So, me and Other Me went to visit the Hatakes…" Hidan recounted what the Hatakes had told him, then described Original Nagato's feeling of unease, then recounted what Sasori had said, the conclusions they had drawn from it, and the exact orders Sasori had given his motorcycle. "Other Nagato and I were just talking about what to do until Saturday. We're thinking we're gonna hold off for a day or two to strategize, y'know, go over what happened with the vampires and what we can expect and all. Then we're gonna approach the demons in some kinda way. Probably a friendly but formal way, the way we did when we pretended we were filming a documentary about the vampires, except this wouldn't be filming a documentary. More like a 'hey, we're working together on this regional guardian project now, so it's probably a good time to catch up on how our groups are doing, what resources we have and how strong we are, y'know, just in case we ever need to help each other protect vulnerable people' kind of approach. We're probably not gonna find out everything we need to know in one meeting, which is why I'm feeling pressure to get started right away, 'cause we've got friends counting on us to find shit out for them. I don't want to disappoint the friendly animal people. Is it normal to feel this keyed-up when you've got a contract? Fuck!"

"Yes. It is normal." Konan did not risk glancing at Soye. Not yet. "Hidan, do what you can to relax. You must approach a mission of this nature with a clear mind."

"Tell Other Nagato that! I keep getting weird blanks in my vision like I used to get from Deidara's PTSD flashbacks."

"Tell him that I am ordering him to calm down, as well. Be sure to emphasize that it is an order. I will not tolerate disobedience."

"Okay, okay, gotcha." Hidan took the phone away from his ear. Konan and Soye could faintly hear him calling out to someone not far away, relaying a "super important and official order that she might totally disembowel you for not doing." Konan could not help but smile. Ah, the power of intimidation. I still have it!

Once Hidan had relayed her orders, she looked up at Soye. Unsurprisingly, the vampire woman's face was severe. She looked extremely displeased with some aspect of Hidan's report. Konan turned speakerphone off and asked, "Is there anything you would like him to elaborate on?"

"No," Soye said in a deathly calm voice. "I was merely thinking it an interesting coincidence that I and the beast people had the same idea at the same time, for similar reasons. Vampires don't believe in coincidences."

Hidan said something, so Konan turned speakerphone back on. She asked, "Is he satisfied with my orders?"

"Yeah, he'll follow 'em."

"Good. Hidan, Soye tells me that the vampires have been having similar thoughts on the topics of boundary-testing, scouting out the strength of neighboring groups, and so on. Vampires do not believe in coincidence. What do you believe?"

"A thing happened. Don't ask me to tell you why; it's not immediately relevant, it's not urgent, and we'll explain later. But what happened is that Other Nagato used a jutsu with an official name. Like, an old-world jutsu. A thing with a name and a history and it comes from your world and it's, like, official and shit. Techniques like that don't get used unless something serious is going down. We'd better wear our cloaks."

"Noted. Thank you for your report. The plans that you have made so far regarding meeting with the demons are good ones; continue developing them. I will continue my deliberations with Soye, but as of right now, I see no need for you to change your planned course of action. You may -" A rapidfire pounding on her shoulder made Konan nearly leap out of her chair. She grabbed Manta's hands to hold them still and said, "Excuse me. Manta is worried. How are the other three dolls?"

"They're at the auto shop with Sasori, because that's where the Chibaku Tensei was used and nobody wants to move it until it stops hovering and they love playing on it. I'm not sure they're in a great mental space for doing any kind of work…"

Manta waved his arms happily. "Work is not required," Konan told Hidan. "I will text Sasori to ask them to open a portal so that Manta can join in."

"Shit, yeah, he'll love it. Poor Sasori. He's really not catching a break today." Hidan laughed. "See ya later?"

"Yes. Until then." Konan hung up. Before Soye could ask, she explained, "The Chibaku Tensei is a technique that forms a superdense earthen sphere. It is used to seal away powerful objects or beings that are otherwise in danger of rampaging. I will message you as soon as I find out what was sealed away and how much of a danger it poses."

She looked up to find Soye staring at her with what seemed to be amusement. It was the same sort of amusement that Soye had displayed the night before, just before declaring that she would no longer try to influence their group rules. Soye shook her head slowly and murmured, "Life becomes very interesting when a prophet of a chaos god walks the streets."

"Jashin sama is not a god of chaos, but rather, of joy and vitality."

"The chaotic elements of life."

That, Konan could not disagree with. But a strange and unexpected thought popped into her head, telling her that Soye was wrong about something. "Hidan's original died several months before I did. For months, a prophet was present, but there was no chaos until I appeared, until I walked the streets. The Akatsuki formed when I gathered its members together, and our formation seems to be the spark that lit the flames of chaos."

She expected Soye to be surprised, but the vampire woman was entirely unfazed. "That is how prophets tend to act. They gather followers, and it is their followers that act as their arms and legs, creating change. Although, it is interesting that he did not gather his own before you showed up."

Konan used texting Sasori as an excuse to escape from this particular topic. She felt uncomfortable. As she typed out her message and hit Send, she wondered, Is it true that Hidan is responsible for everything that we face? What invisible forces must emanate from him to make that possible? And if it is true, what role do *I* play? He and I are partners. Am I equally responsible?

What exactly have we become?

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A/N: If I ever tried to rewrite this fic and turn it into an actual story that was meant to be entertaining, "Prophet of a Chaos God" could be the new title. Heck, I'm gonna file it away regardless. It's just a hecking cool phrase. *puts on sunglasses*

I don't actually own sunglasses.

Anyway! Yeah! Woo! Let's ride this crazy train! Yahoo!