Ch 4:
The weight on his chest returned, but it brought a warmth he hadn't felt in what seemed to be ages. And he could feel the pattern of breath on his chest fur. But no words passed between this visitor and him. And Shadow suddenly felt the pressure of eyes on him, and his imagination went wild with thoughts of tables and scalpels and gauze. He could feel the unresponsiveness of his body, a lethargy that held him down, and he was cursed with visions of blades that descended towards his skin, wires that tapped into his veins, and chemicals that were flooded into his body. He struggled against the paralysis stronger than ever before, desperate to escape this nightmare; the horrors they wanted to inflict on him were too real. Too evil. And then, a hand snaked its way into his.
His eyes slung open, and a gasp freed his vocal chords of their stasis. And green eyes, possibly wider than his own, stared back from mere inches away. Footsteps echoes through the house, but he couldn't try to find the source. His brain was processing what he was seeing slower than usual.
A hedgehog, with blue and fawn fur, not that dissimilar from him, they could have been cousins or twins in another life. Amber eyes furrowed in concentration, looking from green eyes that had just bolted away from their position, nestled against his chest, to the hand that still firmly clasped against his.
"Hey Shads– I didn't mean to scare you" The blue hedgehog chuckled amicably, and let their hands slide apart. There was something said behind him, and the blue hedgehog turned to face the other guests, "Yeah, he just woke up, like, you haven't even missed his first words yet." There was a sociable quality to his words, easy and free, but the idea that they were waiting on him, for his first words, his first impression. It sent him to the fringes of a panic attack.
"Hey Shadow," a human woman with long black hair approached him, and he tried to move his head, to better take in his surroundings if he needed to run. But it was futile, neither neck nor body would move in any discernible way. But he had his eyes open, he could see, and he could hear.
The instinctive reply hung on his tongue as his thoughts jumbled over and into themselves, and instead of offering a greeting in response, he heard his voice from a distance as he locked eyes again with the other hedgehog, "Aren't you supposed to be yellow?"
It was a red echidna who broke the following confusion with raucous laughter, "Yes, he is much weaker like this, is he not? But the power of the Master Emerald is too great for even a warrior grand as we, to use without care." And his voice, the deep rasp filled with confidence, he could piece together his identity easily from the overheard tidbits: Knuckles. Still there were words offered that held no meaning to him, but the idea was simple enough, the golden hedgehog and the blue hedgehog were the same, but it took a moment for his brain to accept that blue and yellow hedgehogs were now interchangeable in his memories, because the aura and intensity of each was vastly different.
"Do you need help getting up?" She must be Maddie, he thought in answer to her question. But his mouth felt dry and ashen, the want to reply to her did not make it so that he could. But he opened his mouth anyways, and the cough that wracked his form sent stars into his eyes. And arms were around him, holding him against the spasms, and it was nice but foreign. No memories came to his mind of this comfort, of being held for safety. Her scent was artificial, but pleasant, a glade of flowers mixed with distilled alcohol. She pulled away, and tucked his head against plush cushions, and perched on the edge of the seat beside him. He could better see his surroundings now, he was in a living room, the sun was peeking through the window ahead of him, and a television was on, only showing the word "PAUSE" in bright blue letters.
During his hurried examination of the room, an open bottle pressed softly at his mouth, and he could see the blue fur attached to the hand, even without being able to turn to face it. And the blue hedgehog, spoke in the golden hedgehog's voice, "Here, drink this." So he opened his mouth– if it was poison, he would accept his fate; he understood he was a risk to everyone around him. But the water instead refreshed him, and the dry coughs gave way to clear breaths, and he swallowed eagerly. He could feel the dribble of water as it escaped him and fell onto his chest, and then to the plush fabric of the cushions below him. But they made no move to reprimand him, no movement to clean his mistake, no judging glares, but they all stood there, eyes glancing from each other then to him, and back again.
"Maybe his voice stopped working?…. We can try a code– Sonic said he felt him move earlier… So … Squeeze once for yes and-" Tails, a small yellow fox entered into his view, and in a second, he saw the blue flash across his chest, grabbing the hand again it had only recently abandoned.
The hand was even warmer now, or perhaps he was just regaining feeling and this is what warmth should feel like. Either way, it did offer another measure of comfort to know they were going to do anything to try and meet him in the middle. And at the same time, there was a guilt, a self loathing that quickly began to bubble– that they would have to go so far for him was ridiculous. He didn't deserve–
The hand squeezed against his. "Are you feeling alright?" He wanted to squeeze back, to be free of the responsibility of speaking, but his fingers remained stiff. An echo sounded in Shadows head, playing back a flash of other words spoken in this same voice only a day before.
"I'm alright," His voice was still rough, and he only hoped it didn't displease his audience as much as it did his own ears. A chorus of sighs resounded around Shadow, and though he wasn't, Sonic's sight still somehow sounded the closest in his ears.
"You had us so worried there! I mean, come on, Shadow, I knew you had a flair for the dramatics when we raced in Tokyo, but a coma? Come on, let's leave that kind of essentrics to La Ultima Passion… But you do have to promise you would tell us if you're actually a clone sent to destroy the world, right, Shads?"
"Are you really the golden hedgehog?" He asked, cutting into the diatribe before he got too lost in the references. And it seemed his question revealed everything was not 'alright.'
"Uhm-whaat?" Sonic's expressions always seemed to jump from one extreme to another, often skipping completely past middle grounds or transitions, and now emerald eyes were knotted in confusion, "You don't remember your best-MOON buddy? ME? The other half of your BFF charm? Well, I didn't buy any yet, because I wanted to get four so we could all get a piece, but I was only finding sets of two or three… So Knuckles may just be left out unless –"
It was Maddie who covered Sonic's mouth with her hand, "Shadow," She offered in answer, before continuing after she had garnered his full attention, "...can you tell us…" There was a pause as she considered something, but offered no insight as to what it was when she continued, "what do you remember?"
He didn't want to answer, if he was honest with himself, but he could feel the drive to follow orders. So he answered simply, "Flashes mostly… Moments?...and possibly him." His eyes had barely dashed over to Sonic for a second, and suddenly Tom came into view above Maddie's head. His face was stern, almost sour, and it made Shadow remember the doctor in white coats. "...but not much." he clarified, hoping distance from his son would appease the seemingly disgruntled father. Tom's face didn't change though, and Shadow fell silent again.
Knuckles offered the first suggestion; "What trauma has caused, should then be fixed by it, no?" The sound of his fist punching into his palm made his intent clear. And Sonic was waving frantically in front of him, trying to calm down and dissuade this train of thought.
Tails spoke next, cautiously, as though he expected to receive some rise out of Shadow for the information, "Your body is different.. It's healing, but it's slower than…I'm running some simulations now, but mainly to get your descent trajectory to understand how it happened, and work forwards from there on how to help… and then there's the biolo-"
"When you want help with something, just ask, okay?" It was the mother again, she seemed to always handle the niceties of conversation, and her hand came up to his face. He didn't know why, but his face gripped closed, bracing for something, an impact. And then there was a soft pat on his head, "Are you hungry?"
He waited for her hand to move before he opened his eyes again, "I.. I dont think I need food."
Tom responded quickly, "But do you want it? It couldn't hurt to have some extra energy to burn while you're healing. What do you say we give it a shot?" His eyes seemed to smile harder than his mouth, and it was a harsh turn from the distaste he saw earlier, enough so that it brought up a doubt within himself, but on which emotion he was wrong; he was still unsure.
"Mom makes the best pancakes!" Sonic chimed in, and after an eye roll from Tom, the blue hedgehog quickly tagged on, "and Dad can order a real good pizza!" The mischievous sparkle in emerald eyes keyed them all in that it was just for show, but the laughter it inspired from the rest of the family was real, not an indulgence of pity.
"I would suggest the grapes, as they are a natural bounty, a gift of the vine fit to nourish a warrior," Knuckles intoned, stressing the final word to emphasize that he believed the life of a warrior should be everyone's true goal
Tails didn't offer a suggestion, but looked to Shadow, hesitantly and ducked his eyes away before asking, "Is there something you remember liking?"
Their patience was almost infuriating, as it made him try harder and harder to find anything in the shreds of memory that would help him answer, to help them in their search for answers he did not truly have. But he could see it, a brown paper bag filled with roasted beans, with the words "Mean Bean" meticulously printed in the center, "I liked coffee."
"Well breakfast is the perfect time for it," Maddie smiled, though the clock overhead clearly read one pm. She stood slowly to keep from jostling Shadow beside her on the couch, "Do you want creamer, or sugar and milk?"
He considered for a second, "Just the beans." He could feel that he'd said something wrong, that they were judging him for a mistake or faux pas. But no one made any comment, and she returned with a plate loaded with pancakes, fruit, and roasted coffee beans. He looked down at his inert hands, and back to the plate in hers.
"You just tell me what you want, and I'll be your arms" She spoke softly as she sat again beside him. His eyes flickered back to Sonic, and then to Tails and Knuckles who stood watching, but Tom gave the boys a glance that seemed to speak volumes to them, as each responded with a different face. Knuckles looked bored, Tails was excited, and Sonic was exasperated. "Out." Maddie entoned, and the look she gave Tom was the only clue Shadow had that she had also followed the silent exchange.
"Did I do something wrong?" Shadow's voice didn't betray his fear. Steady and flat, he delivered a simple yes or no question. He watched as Sonic turned to say something, but all the other males worked to drag him outside, despite the protests.
Maddie's pause was another answer he didn't want. Yes, he had done something wrong, but she lied quickly. "No! You've barely been awake for ten minutes. What could possibly make you think–?"
"I soiled your sofa. I didn't know your faces. I dont know what foods to eat. I di–"
Maddie's soft smile morphed into a stern pout, "Now you listen up," And she leaned in towards him conspiratorially , "I have taken in enough Lost Boys to know what's important and what isn't." She leaned back slightly, adjusting the plate with one hand and spooning up a small piece of pancake. He almost opened his mouth to take a bite, but instead felt his jaw fall open as she flung the spoon's contents directly onto the floor. "There is no mess in the world that will stop a Wachowski from helping." And as quickly as she had done it, a white shaggy dog appeared, happily licking the crumbs off the wooden floor. And when he looked back, she was already scooping coffee beans onto the spoon. "Now you just say 'Ah' when you're ready, and I'll take care of the airplane."
The airplane was foreign to him, but his mind latched onto the idea of the Lost Boys, there was a familiarity there, and it eased his mind somehow, as he let her feed him in the small spoonfuls. And they were each right, the pancakes were fluffy and fruity, covered in butter and syrup to be delicious but not sopping wet. The grapes were crisp, sweet and cool. And the dark bitterness of the coffee beans at first brought back the want to cough, seizing his chest for a moment, as Maddie placed a hand on his back, prepared and yet worried to try and assist. But the powdery remnants had him salivating more than either other bite. It was all in the aftertaste, and his tongue lavished in the lingering buttery-ness that made the initial hesitation fade away and even his nose delighted in the breaths that would drag the dark fragrance up from his tongue. She had found a glass straw, and held it to his mouth, letting him better feel in control of drinking, but the water washed the residual tastes of breakfast from his mouth, and he considered asking for more. In his hesitation, it was only a few moments before the silence granted by eating was taken away from him.
"Now that we've got our body taken care of, let's work on our minds. Shadow, today is Sunday. We're all gonna be home with you today. Do you want to go outside and enjoy the sun… Or do you want to play-" She seemed to stutter over her own words, "-watch a game indoors?"
He didn't know what he wanted to do, the inability to do much other than speak hadn't inspired him to want for much of anything yet. "Can you explain to me … again… why he isn't gold even though–?"
Her head tilted slightly, before the recognition shone from her eyes. "Let's go see Tails, he can show you a little bit with the holo-projector in his Miles Electric, but… We want your memories to come back at their pace, so .. No fast tracking with cheat codes, after today, ok?"
Her words were mixed with riddles or some special jargon- Miles electric? holo-projector? cheat codes?- but the message was direct enough - Tails had information, but he wasn't allowed access to all of it yet, he needed to do the work on his own. So he agreed in the simplest of terms, "Alright."
She took him at his word, propping him up gently, to leave him better positioned against the sofa cushions. She left him there with a smile and promise to return, and after the clink of porcelain and silverware echoing from within a metal sink from the next room over, he heard a door open and close.
He was alone. It wasn't uncomfortable, no- this was too familiar to be uncomfortable. There was a solidarity he could feel he had with himself. He willed his mind not to, but the thoughts already resurfaced; a dying girl, the old man, the golden hedgehog. The final through freed him from pools of red – because they all said he wasn't gold, and now he had seen, yes, Sonic was blue. And he wondered if maybe it was possible the girl was dead, but then somehow also still alive. Could they all be more than one thing? Or was it just the ones like them, and he could feel it, a tether between the two in his memory, the warmth they both inspired inside of him. An inexplicable desire to do good– to be good.
And then stronger than even that innate desire, he could feel a sense of otherness, the exclusion, the separation between him and the world from within the glass confines offered by the glimpses of his own piecemeal memory. He was already more than just one thing. He was a hedgehog, but also… He wasn't. The words came to his mind in a white flash of pain, and he was glad that the room was empty for his sobs, as he willed his unresponsive arms to cradle his head to relieve the pain. The words the Ultimate Lifeform came into his mind like a storm. And then words from the blackness of his paralysis filtered back through his brain; he was a… an experiment? And the pieces began to arrange themselves; a horror movie, doctors with uncaring eyes, – and the girl who had tried to open the world to him and died for it – he had been created to serve a purpose, not to feel.
The thoughts fell to the backburner of his mind as Maddie made her return with the yellow fox in tow. He placed an almost two dimensional piece of equipment on the coffee table in the center and a suddenly very realistic three-dimensional reproduction of the house sprung into existence atop a once mundane table. Tails pointed and gestured in the air, and somehow commanded the illusion; warping and twisting reality. His brain stung at the disconnect of logic and reason in front of him. The only word he had for it was magic– as this far exceeded the realm of technology that he could recall. They showed him this magical video of the crystals, Emeralds of Chaos, and how they affected mobians, and even the result when a human tried to assume their power. And he watched closely as the miniature blue hedgehog absorbed the crystals and turned into the golden form he could see in his mind's eye.
"But even if he isn't gold on the outside right now, Sonic still has a heart of gold, right Shadow?" Tails' admiration for his hedgehog brother was clear, and the way Maddie ruffled the tuft of hair on his head in agreement showed she was of the same mind. And Shadow could see it, in the way Sonic interacted with his family, he could see how he was a shining sun of mirth and love, that Sonic was a golden hedgehog, especially where it counted– on the inside. The bright lights sprang back into existence, even with his eyes open, and there was a moment of vertigo where he was sure he would truly ruin the couch with everything he had eaten only minutes prior.
"Maybe devices were too much too soon–" Her voice was guilty and apologetic, and it made him more uncomfortable when she finished, "I'm so sorry, baby." Maddie had moved quickly in front of him, blocking his view of the screens where the golden hedgehog made circles around the simulated roof. Her eyes seemed to try and look into his soul. He wanted to watch more of the hologram, to see everything it had to offer to help piece back his memories, but something in her words, calling him a "baby," renewed the roll in his stomach, and he knew that was not what he was.
She seemed content to ignore his discomfort, or perhaps only registered it as pain, because her eyes remained that soft pitying look, and he could no longer risk eye contact with her prodding looks, so he kept his eyes screwed shut. The white flashes had calmed, and he was almost happy to hear the coming storm of energy that announced itself with theatrical flare, "The fastest Hedgehog alive has returned, after one fully completed day of chores that bordered on cruel and inhumane.. in-alien?.. well… TORTURE." He yelled the final word over his shoulder, and Shadow opened his eyes just enough to see the giant grin forming across the peach colored muzzle before he even fully turned back to face the living room.
And he could feel the matching twitch across his own face, pooling warmth in his cheeks as his teeth sought to flash between parting lips. But the way Sonic caught onto it, the excitement that shone too clearly in his eyes, the expectation was too focused, the anticipation too directly aimed at his yet forming reaction. The embarrassment he felt for being so clearly on display quickly snuffed the smile into a faint blush that fanned across his face as he moved his eyes to look anywhere, at anything, other than the other occupants of the room– The woman, the fox, and the hedgehog.
But there was no relief from their hovering and cooing. So he simply relented, and let them try to care for him.
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AN: Thanks for joining for the first installment. I've written 8.5 chapters already. I dont know how far it will go. If you see a major problem... oops? ^^