He is completely and utterly frustrating. It had been weeks since he rescued me from that dungeon and he's still treating me like I'm some helpless animal.
Whenever I ask him about the impending takeover, he'll tell me some details but it's clear he's leaving others out.
Well I wasn't going to let him worm his way out of it any longer. I'm done waiting for people to tell me things that affect me. This time, I would take some control back.
But what exactly did I want? I guess I wouldn't know until I found out everything that was going on.
So, instead of waiting for him in the library or the garden like I usually was around the time he was supposed to get back, I firmly planted myself in the living room, anxiously waiting for the door to open.
"Bella! Are you here?" Edward's voice floats from the front door. Huh. I guess I was so deep in thought that I didn't even hear it opening.
I call out to get his attention. "Edward,."
He was just about to head to our room but at the sound of my voice finally spots me in the living room.
"I need to talk to you," I tell him, getting straight to the point before I can become distracted by his charms.
"What about, Princess?" He leans on the back of the sofa so I tilt my head up to look at him.
"Tell me about what's happening with your takeover."
As soon as the request leaves my mouth, his body stiffens. A forced smile appears on his face "We're definitely moving along. You don't need to worry about anything, you're safe."
"When are you planning to make a move?" I ask, pushing for more.
"Soon." Edward kisses the top of my head, moving around the sofa to sit next to me.
"How soon?"
The expression on his face tells me he didn't expect me to keep my line of questioning. Eventually, he sighs. "Next week."
"What?" I turn to him. "You're executing your takeover next week? And you didn't tell me?"
"I was going to," he defends.
"When? After?" Off his look, I let out a sound of frustration. "You were! You were going to keep this from me until after!"
"Bella-"
"I'm going with you," I tell him. This wasn't just his fight.
"W-what? No you're not," he quickly dismisses. It only serves to fuel my fire.
"I'm going." I stand. "I'm not going to sit back while everyone else risks their lives. I'm going."
Edward is up on his feet. "You are not going!"
"Why not?"
"Because it's too dangerous!" He sputters out like he can't possibly comprehend why I would ever want to go.
That only makes me scoff. "Compared to what? Taking in a complete stranger? Being married off to some abusive asshole? Being tortured by my own father?"
"Yes! And you barely survived those." Edward turns away from me, tugging on his bronze locks.
"If it's so dangerous, then you shouldn't be going either!" I point out, taking a step closer to him. "And I did. I did survive. I'm not staying behind. I'm going!"
"I said no!" He whips around, throwing his hands up in frustration and that's when it happens.
I flinch.
I didn't mean to. Edward didn't have a hand raised to me and I knew he would never do that to me. But something about the fury in his face when he faced me triggered a bodily response I couldn't control. It was subconscious, a conflict between my mind and body I didn't even know existed until this moment.
I try to hide it as quickly as I can but it still isn't fast enough. The anger morphs into horror as he clocks my response.
His entire body goes rigid. "I-I…" he mumbles something, giving me a wide berth as he moves around me and down the hallway before I can stop him.
I should go after him, but something is keeping me rooted to my spot.
"Bella?" Alice approaches from behind me, taking tentative steps like she's afraid I might run off too.
"I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to," I stutter. My breathing is still much too quick and I'm desperately trying to calm down.
Alice reaches out to me but I take a step back, my hand up to…what? Shield myself? Or to keep her away from me? Maybe I was more messed up than I thought.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" I repeat, my brain struggling to figure out what just happened and what I needed to do to make this right.
"Sorry? About what?" Alice asks, slowly bending down next to me where I had backed into the corner. "What happened, Bella? Did Edward hurt you?"
"No!" I sob harder at the accusation. Edward is one of the only people in my life who wouldn't hurt me. He's proven that time and time again, and yet...
"Bella, I need you to breathe before you pass out," Alice says, her voice switching to doctor mode. "Come on. Breathe with me." She exaggerates her chest movements and breathing sounds until I'm forced to listen and follow.
A few minutes later, I feel my head clearing and the weight of what's happened weighs on me heavily.
"Good, Bella," Alice says. "Now can you tell me what happened?"
I relay to her the conversation with Edward, his outburst and my horrifying reaction. But instead of blaming me, she gives me a sad smile.
"There's still a lot of things you may need to work through mentally after everything you've been through. It's not your fault, Bella. It's your body's way of protecting you because you've never had anyone else there to do it for you. It might take some time but you will heal. It won't be like this forever," she says.
"But Edward-"
"He understands," Alice assures me. "He won't blame you. If anything he'll blame himself."
"He can't! It's not his fault."
"Just like it's not yours. I think it's best if you talk to him yourself, but if you need some time-"
"No." I shake my head. "I need to see him."
I need to fix this.
Alice nods. "Okay. But I think we should set up some sessions for you to talk. I know Edward's there for you, but it might do both of you some good to talk to someone outside of your relationship."
"Okay. Thank you Alice," I tell her, pushing against the ground to stand. She helps me up and gives my shoulder an encouraging squeeze.
Edward isn't hard to find. There were only so many places he could be in the house, which I was sure he hadn't left, so it was no surprise when I found him in our room, his arms crossed, staring out the window. He doesn't turn when I open the door, but by the slight tensing of his body, I know he heard me enter.
"Edward?" I tentatively step forward until there's only about a foot of space between us. It's still too much. "I-" I hesitate, not sure how to start the conversation.
The words slip out before I can stop them. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
That doesn't really feel like the right thing to say because he slowly turns, his eyes red, like he had been crying, his face hard. "How could you not have meant it? You flinched, Bella! You flinched, because of me!"
His hand twitches like he wants to reach out but he's forcing himself to hold back, and pain flashes in his eyes before he breaks my heart all over again.
"You should leave."
My heart stops and my entire body goes numb. "What?"
"You don't feel safe here. Y-You should leave. I found you a place to stay in a neighboring village. I'll give you money. You should go there."
This was it. I had finally pushed him too far. He's finally realized that I was too broken, that I wasn't good enough for him. My brain refused to listen any further, and the need to protect myself, to not fall into the same trap comes roaring to the surface. "Fine. If you want me to leave I'm leaving."
I don't give him the chance to respond, turning on my heel, holding back the sob that threatens to escape. I move as quickly as I can, out the door, through the hallway, right past a confused looking Alice. I'm already out the front door, walking along the road with no intention to stop when I realize I hadn't even bothered to bring shoes.
I could hear him calling after me but I refused to wait for him. If I did, I was sure I would break down.
"Bella!" I could hear him getting closer. "Where are you going?"
Where was I going? If Edward didn't want me, who did? My heart clenches at the realization that without him, I truly had nothing. Which also meant I had nothing to lose by going back to the place where I still had unfinished business. Even if it killed me.
"Alynthia!" I tell him, not letting up on my speed for a second.
"What the fuck?" Edward says. "You can't go back there."
"You don't get to tell me what to do anymore!" I shoot back. It was completely immature but it was all I could do to not cry.
"You're going to walk all the way there?" His voice was incredulous like he couldn't believe I would try such a thing.
"If I have to. Or maybe I'll hitchhike."
"If you're going anywhere, go to the village!" He shouts, his voice practically right behind me.
"Fuck you, Edward!" I spit out, surprising even myself. "Leave me alone!"
"What's going on here?"
I was so caught up in trying to get away from Edward that I didn't notice Rosalie pulling up in a carriage, looking between the two of us with wide eyes. "You two are pretty far from home."
I look behind me and she's right. I can't even see the house anymore.
Edward speaks first, panicked. "Rose help! She's trying to leave. She said she's going back to Alynthia!"
"You told me to!" I wrap my arms around myself and I feel like a small child. "He told me he wants me to leave."
"You want her to leave?" Rosalie turns her fiery gaze on him and Edward winces. "What is wrong with you?"
Edward at least has the decency to look chastised. "I didn't say I wanted her to leave. I said she should leave."
Rosalie raises a perfect brow. "You do realize those sound like the exact same thing, right?" Edward looks truly dumbfounded and she rolls her eyes. "Come on, Bella. I'll give you a ride back while Edward lets it sink in during his walk. Maybe he should talk to Emmet about the art of groveling." She pats the seat next to her.
"I don't know…" I hesitated to join her. If I'm really going to end up leaving…wherever…what's the point in going back?
"Get up here, right now," Rosalie says, leaving no room for argument. For the first time, I catch a glimpse of the older sister that Edward would describe. "For goodness sakes, you don't even have shoes on."
I nod, climbing into the carriage, refusing to look at Edward as it pulls away, my body filling with shame and so overwhelmed that I can't help but finally cry. Rosalie immediately pulls me into her, rubbing my back. "Tell me what he did."
"It was my fault," I insist, recounting our entire conversation and what happened prior again.
Rosalie sighs. "I think you're both exhausting," she says. I pull back with the frown. "Not your reaction to his outburst. You couldn't control that. That wasn't either of your faults. But Bella, honey, remember, this is new for both of you. Edward has never had anyone he's wanted to protect so badly, who he's afraid of losing, until you. He's terrified that he's going to do something wrong, or hurt you, or do something to put you in harm's way. I think he genuinely believes you'll be safer if you're not with him," she explains, continuing on before I can say anything about it. "But that doesn't mean what he did was right. In fact, Mom will probably have his head. And you need to not run away at the first inkling of his stubbornness, because you know this won't be the last time. You said you want to be his equal, then act like him. Don't give him all the power to make these kinds of decisions in your relationship. Hold him accountable. And it might not hurt to make him grovel a bit."
I nod, taking in what she's saying. "I just…when he said he wanted me to, er that I should leave, I realized that without him, I had nothing and that scared me more than anything."
"Not to sound cliche or anything," Rosalie says with a soft smile. "But you have me. And more importantly, you have yourself, and sometimes it can be hard to feel like that's enough, but it is. And it's going to have to be. You don't need to rely on anyone, Edward, or me, or otherwise. You're pretty bad-ass, Bella, and don't ever let anyone tell you different."
Well, there's the tears again. "Thank you, Rosalie."
She smiles, looking out of the carriage, which had stopped moving minutes ago. "Edwards almost here. Do you want to wait for him here or in the house?"
"I'll wait in our room," I tell her, wanting to have the conversation with him in private. I climb out of the carriage, hurrying back inside, trying to gather my thoughts on what exactly I wanted to say to him.
Will we be able to get through this?