Ichigo-san got a bigger table for them to eat, which Ai was actually thankful for. As she didn't feel like sitting on the floor tonight. It felt a lot more… Personal. And she would not have been able to help herself, sitting beside Hikigaya, being able to sneak touching him with her hand or knee while shifting in place. No one the wiser, because everyone was on the same level.

Compare and contrast to a regular table, where she would not be able to disguise her actions. Because it'd be weird if she just opened her legs or leaned closer to him, even if they sat beside each other.

And she was thankful for it because of her babies.

Ai considered it while watching Hikigaya work, making a comment here and there; and when they were getting ready to have dinner. She came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to help it, that something in her belly pulled at her will harder than the knowledge that her kids were right there. Never mind Ichigo-san and Miyako-san. They would probably disapprove of Ai's behavior, and for good reason. But Ai would be able to face them noticing. Contrary to her kids, where Ai's gut just sort of twisted like she wanted to puke. It wasn't a feeling filled with warmth or excitement; it wasn't the gut feeling of having discovered something good or that could be good. It was just… Ugly, gross, and something that made Ai frown.

A-chan had mentioned how her role as a mother did not change Ai's other roles but… Ai's idea of a mother might not be the best to put to consideration. She had shrugged off the unnecessary things, the unwanted context surrounding that "title". She chose to make it her own, give it a new and positive meaning. She had lied about what being a mother meant to her, so that it would actually become something worth remembering.

And it had worked, for the most part. But now, having done so by shedding everything else, Ai was left with nothing but a half-fulfilled dream. With something missing, deeply embed in a part of her brain that she dared not to touch.

Once upon a time, she had heard her babies wondering about their father. And look at where that led them.

It might be stupid in retrospect but Ai hadn't really considered what would happen when her kids and her uglier, more carnal desires, collided. And, even more so, that even though she now was getting a clear idea of this fact… Her reason would still lose to her desires.

How could someone do things that felt horrible and be unable to help themselves? Was it just Ai? Was this yet another thing fundamentally wrong with her? Or was this something people dealt with?

Ai sneaked a peek at Hikigaya while everyone ate.

Ichigo-san was leading the conversation, telling A-chan about the plans they had for the summer fashion magazine, so the only time they paid Ai any mind was to confirm when Ichigo-san told them that she was involved in this or that. Nodding was easy enough, this was something that Ai had touched on with Ichigo-san before, after all.

"Rejected." Hikigaya stated immediately after Ichigo-san finished with the initial pitch. "My sister is not appearing in a magazine with nothing but a bikini on."

"Hey, we've had this conversation before." Ai pointed out at Ichigo-san with an amused smile, helping the man to cover the topics that the idols had discussed beforehand. Giving him an extra push to try and convince the siblings.

Ai's attention turned to her kids, to see if they were enjoying their food. But her eyes wandered off sooner rather than later, giving Ai a troublesome feeling in her stomach.

The time when she had unraveled herself the most to him, when she finally got a real taste of his body, he had denied her desires in the cruelest way imaginable. Telling her that he would stay by her side, but not in the way that she wanted. Basically forcing her to accept yet another relationship like the few she had.

Her fellow idols were not her friends like she wanted, her family was not complete like she had meant to make it, and Hikigaya was not filling in the empty piece of her heart she had meant to fill with his presence.

The feeling of emptiness was suffocating, like it threatened to drag the few pieces of Ai's heart into it. Reducing them to dust.

The only way she held on from the backlash was the implicit promise of something more. The idea that, although painful to admit, his argument made sense in the coldest, worst way possible.

She could not learn to love if she was dead, and she could not be dead if she didn't add yet another lie to tell the world that could be discovered. In theory, this was amazing. His presence was making all the difference, encouraging her to push her limits when she would have preferred to err on the side of caution. Talking about meaningless things, letting her know when it was better to elaborate, and just making Ai feel like she could make no mistakes.

The feeling of catching herself and knowing that saying "sorry" would be taken for what it was was, in a strange and rather troublesome twist of events, really damn addictive. Telling someone "I don't understand" and not being met with a negative reaction or harsh words like "why don't you get it?!" satisfied her in a way that neither food nor flavored drink could.

People didn't like being seen as stupid or incapable. But, as it turned out, not being judged for one's stupidity was one of the best feelings ever.

Fan letters, gifts, and the cheers of a crowd hyping her up were fantastic. But there was something warm about seeing someone face to face and just… Not being told that she was wrong.

It was cute, like an innocent secret. Like the taste of a sweet given after going to the doctor as a child.

But that couldn't be it, that wasn't enough. Ai wanted more, and she wanted it really badly. Everything happening around her caught her off guard, and Ai took every opportunity she got. Attempted to do the things that she had been too afraid to do before Ryousuke-kun came into her life. But now, while having learnt another thing, while having experienced something both scary and that warmed her heart more than she had thought possible while hiding her children from the world… Ai had to face her own desires.

They were ugly, unfit for the course she set in life. They had been even before the twins, but Ai had come to accept the fact that these feelings would have to be hidden away. Put aside for no one to see but Hikaru. And, when she was alone again, Ai had come to terms with the fact that her wish to have a family was the one she wanted to fulfill the most.

Yet, here she was, feeling something that couldn't be presented in front of children. Much less her children.

Had she ever realized that this kind of desire would persist even if she managed to create the family that she had hoped for?

"Ai." Miyako-san called her out, breaking Ai from the vortex that her mind was becoming. "The food. What's your verdict?"

Ai looked over to the Hikigaya siblings, looking at her while putting down their plate. She looked at Ichigo-san, looking satisfied and kind of glad. And she saw her twins, with mixed expressions but still eating.

Ai looked down at her own plate. She had eaten the rice just fine. She actually kind of didn't notice what the spoon got, so she was a bit surprised about how much of everything she had eaten.

Huh.

"It's alright, I guess."

"Huh?!" A-chan was the one that looked the most distraught about Ai's words. But, like, of course it'd be her.

"Yeah, can't really say from just one dish." Ichigo-san sighed with satisfaction, hitting the plate with his fork twice. "We gotta have a different one to really create an opinion, you know?"

"Too bad this was a one-time thing." Hikigaya growled at the man.

"No, no. Ichigo-san is right." Ai quickly caught the line of conversation and raised her fork to eye level. "We can't really judge your abilities with one display, Hachiman-san. That'd be dishonest of us. So, I think a different dish is in order to really asses your skills. Yup."

"Your kid liked it." Hikigaya opened his hand and motioned toward the twins, which didn't get him any apparent reaction from them.

"I said it was flavorful, but that doesn't necessarily mean good." Aqua defended himself without changing his expression, while Ruby was too busy still eating to bother answering.

Miyako-san drowned a chuckle with her hand, while Ichigo-san had that expression an old man has when he eats too much and is starting to get drowsy.

"What a smart kid." Hikigaya's tone sounded like he wasn't serious, and Ai didn't like the expression he used to look at Aqua. "Talking about semantics so young and all that."

"Thank you, I've been told before." Aqua nodded to himself, taking it at heart's value.

Guess it was a complement after all.

"Onii-chan, you're really losing your edge if a kid can defeat you in a contest of a smart-ass." A-chan looked disappointed, making her tone a little dumb while eyeing her brother with some pity. Which made him click his tongue.

"Do you think I'd take a kid seriously? What kind of shitty adult do you think I am?"

"Please, have some table manners." Miyako-san intervened before putting her fork down. "Thanks for the food, Hikigaya. You really didn't need to."

"I know." Was Hikigaya's answer while he stared in the distance.

"Mom's probably wondering where we are." A-chan interrupted the silence after a few seconds, bringing Hikigaya out of his thoughts.

"You think she's home already?"

"I don't know." Was A-chan's reply while checking the time on her phone. "It's not that late but…"

"I'll get you two home." Ichigo-san pushed his chair back with a deep sigh. "A promise's a promise."

"Thanks." Miyako-san said while trying not to look too tired. She had spent more time at the office than Ai and Ichigo-san, after all. And even Ai herself felt kind of tired now, so Miyako-san probably wanted to go to sleep right then and there.

"I'll do the dishes. You can kick back and relax if you want." Ai offered, looking at her children to see how much longer they'd take to finish.

"Ah, that'd be great. I suppose you'll be staying the night?" Miyako-san asked while Ichigo-san checked where exactly he had to get the Hikigaya siblings.

"Why not? We can get our clothes washed before morning."

"You probably have something to change into somewhere in the closet." Miyako-san scratched her chin. "And the twins are no problem either."

"Guess it's settled, then." Ai nodded to herself.

Sleeping on a futon with her kids would be a great time, no doubt. Except if she had to keep mulling over her feelings, if she had to face the no-exist corridor she had unwittingly walked herself into.

Would the twins feel off, even a little icky, if Ai was to hold them feeling like this? Would they be able to tell?

"I'm off, then." Ichigo-san said after a bit. Ai had kept an eye on the twins, but she was really losing her grasp of time. It felt like she blinked and no time had passed. In spite of doing this for a few minutes, and Miyako-san being gone when Ai came back to her senses.

"Sure." Ai stood up from her seat, giving the twins a look. "Be right back."

"I'll watch over Ruby." Aqua said immediately.

"Ill wich ivir Riby." Ruby parroted while giving her brother a stingy frown.

Ai couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her, being just a little surer that this kind of behavior was in good faith after seeing the Hikigaya siblings interact. Having a real-life example to compare.

"Thanks for the hard work." Ai caught up to them at the apartment's entrance, giving A-chan the best smile she could. "And thanks for helping me out! I know you didn't have to."

"It was… Fine." A-chan mumbled. "Gotta make sure you don't take advantage of onii-chan's kindness."

Ah… Ai was indeed that kind of woman. Was it too obvious?

"I'd never."

A-chan scoffed but made an attempt to start walking away, taking the lead so that her brother would follow suit.

Ai found herself catching his wrist before he could, pulling him down a bit so she could reach his face.

"Hey, what are you…?" He was caught by surprise, unable to pull back. But Ai had already guessed this would be the case.

So she gave him a peck on the cheek. A compromise, insofar she was able to make one with herself.

"See you soon." She whispered, and the redness that spread through his face forced Ai to reign herself even harder. Plant her feet on the ground more stiffly.

"Y-Yeah…"

Ai gave Ichigo-san a glance, but he pretended not to notice.

She'd take tonight as a "win", after all.