We have a few chapters to go. We still have to make it through Boxing Day and New Year's Eve/Day... maybe even Vernal Equinox... summer solstice? Hard to say where I'll wrap things up. I finally got around to a few moments alone to finish this chapter that I've been slowly building out for the last two weeks. I promise this slow burn is going to pay off eventually. Am I having them cry too much? I don't know. I think both are hiding a lot under the surface and something the new series doesn't do well is give us any meaningful conversation. Carol talks about Sophia and Daryl gives us... nothing. But here in this timeline, in this AU, they're both stuck in the quiet together with no immediate worries. Both of them would have time to think and things naturally come to the surface.

I don't own these characters or TWD.

The song that inspired the vibes of this chapter: "May You Find a Light" by Josh Garrels

May You Find a Light

Carol stretched out in contentment under the blankets on his pallet, cradling her full stomach as she settled in for the night. He was sitting in the wingback chair near the bay window, occasionally lifting the blanket covering the window to glance outside. "See anything new since you looked five minutes ago?" she asked with her eyes closed.

"Smart-ass." he huffed.

She giggled a little. "I think it's fine," She opened her eyes and shifted to rest on her elbow, "You should come to bed."

He shook his head. "Got this weird feeling. Think I'll keep watch awhile," he insisted. "You can sleep."

"I almost want to, but someone here is thinking so loud that it's making it difficult," she smirked.

He rolled his eyes and nibbled on his thumbnail nervously. "Yeah, well—someone feels like the other shoe's about to drop."

"Tell me. What happens if it drops?" Carol countered.

He shrugged and leaned back in thought. "Same as always, right?" He motioned to the house around them. "Lose this, lose supplies—" he looked at her, and his eyes darkened. "Lose each other again."

She laughed sadly, "Don't we make a pair."

"I know it don't make sense, me feelin' this way," he paused and took a sip of coffee from a mug he'd wedged between his leg and the inside of the chair. He settled the mug on his knee and looked down at it.

"After everything we've had happen? It's probably normal to feel this uncertain." she rolled onto her back and exhaled, trying to get comfortable on his bed.

He nodded and bit his lip, "You warm enough?" he asked.

"Enough... be better if you'd settle in, though," she pushed him.

"Just-" he lifted the corner of the blanket from the window again.

Closing her eyes, she sighed deeply in frustration. She stood from the pile of blankets, "It's settled then," Daryl's gaze shifted quickly from the window to her lithe figure moving away from the couch. She was bundled in her jeans and a sweatshirt emblazoned with a bold 'NEBRASKA' across the chest, one of the several gifts she had received from him earlier.

"What're you doin?" he eyed her closely as she pulled on her boots. She walked across the room and joined him by the window in the chair opposite him.

"What's it look like?" she asked. Daryl rolled his eyes as she grabbed a blanket and pulled it over her legs. She grabbed the rifle he'd leaned against the chair and slid it comfortably across her lap, ready to use it at a moment's notice.

"You don't gotta-."

"If you can't sleep, I can't sleep." she stared at him, a twinkle in her eye.

"It ain't that I don't wanna sleep." He sighed and rubbed his face. "I just got this worry feeling."

"Then I'll have that worry feeling with you." she chimed in and smiled at him sweetly. "I mean, look at how much you did for me today. This is the least I could do."

"Don't need you to repay me for shit," he smirked.

"At least for the brownies."

"They were pretty good, weren't they," he spoke with pride.

"You picked up a few of my tricks."

"I notice things." he shrugged off.

"You notice everything," her eyes twinkled in the glow of the fire. "Today was pretty perfect, ya know?" She turned to him with a curious smile.

He shrugged, "Didn't really plan, just kept finding shit. One thing just kept leading to the other. Tree stand, tree, house, food, and supplies..." he trailed off. "Felt... felt right to put it all together." he smiled softly.

"Remember before bed last night when you reminded me that things can be different now? That we get to change- make choices for ourselves- together." She gave him a pointed look.

"You want another brownie?" he asked, standing and walking off to the darkened kitchen.

"Ugh, I shouldn't, and also, don't try to change the subject," she called as he walked back to the living room with the whole pan and set it on her lap. "Daryl, I did not need the entire pan!" she squealed.

"Maybe I'm tryin' to change the subject! Eat whatever you want. Y'all skin and bones." he sighed with a glimmer of joy in his eyes. "Why, I made 'em for ya." She pulled a square from the pan and moaned a little as she nibbled. "Like seeing you enjoy yourself," his eyes went wide. He hadn't meant to share that out loud. "I didn't-"

She choked on a bit of brownie, coughing awkwardly as a blush crept over her features. "It's fine. I feel a little bad enjoying so much, considering it's been so long since we enjoyed anything." She slowly peeled out another brownie and held it out for him. He reached across and took the treat in his hands.

"Thanks," he nodded, "you mind if I smoke?" he asked. He sat the brownie on his knee and lit up his cigarette.

"You've earned it," she said, taking another bite. "Especially since I didn't get you anything."

He shifted in his chair uncomfortably, brought a cigarette to his lips, and lit it, "S'not what today was supposed to be about. Wanted us both to have something good." He exhaled his smoke to the side, "Plus, snow was still coming down hard most of the day, and didn't want you pulling anything risky on my account."

She shoved the last morsel of the baked good in her mouth and licked her fingers, "Well," she spoke, chewing while graciously covering her mouth, "It cleared off eventually." She gestured to the brownie on his knee, "Eat- and who's to say I wouldn't want to?" She crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

He scoffed at her offended and took a bite of the treat, "I didn't risk shit, and I think I'd like both of us to be done with takin' risks we don't have to." On his second bite, he swallowed the rest of the bar and licked his fingers. Her eyes lit up as he devoured the crumbs from his fingers. "I-" he began but quickly lost his nerve when he saw her heated gaze on him. He sat up straight, trying to distract himself by peering out the crack in the curtain.

"What?" she whispered, setting the brownie pan aside and pulling back an inch of her curtain flap. She peered out into the inky black, and there, in the front yard in all its mystery, was the outline of a beautiful stag under the moon's glow. "Wow," she whispered. The animal treads gracefully through the deepened snow occasionally stopping at sounds, looking around. Daryl remained transfixed by the sight. "You wanna-"

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and shook his head, "Big though. He'll be around. Always next time," he flipped the gap closed, relaxing in the chair.

"It's beautiful." she continued mesmerized.

What she didn't see, however, was Daryl's gaze, now spellbound by her in the waning glow of the fire, "Yeah."

"We should take it as a sign of good luck." She exhaled and closed her side of the curtain.

He hummed as he finished his cigarette and stubbed it in his empty mug. Carol leaned back, rested her head in the corner of the chair, and closed her eyes. He watched a smile spread slowly on her face, she loosened her grip on the gun and stretched her legs out in front of her, "I haven't been this full in a long time," she yawned. She opened her eyes and found him staring at her again. He swallowed slowly at the intensity of her gaze on him now, "You've treated me better than anyone my whole life," she spoke lovingly.

They let silence pass between them, a gentle pause of recognition. Finally, Daryl found the courage to speak, "Could say the same to you." he grinned. He began to bounce his knee nervously. "That house?"

"Mhmm," she acknowledged.

"I was thinkin'; might be a better setup. Get us through the winter until it's warm enough."

She pursed her lips in thought. "Hmm"

He squinted his eyes at her, "What?"

She shrugged, "It's just cozy here, that's all. And I've been pretty good here so far."

He chewed on his lip and nodded, "Sure, I mean, you wanna stay here? We can make it work." He looked down and shifted in his chair before glancing out the window again.

"You've been back with me for two and a half days, and you haven't seen anyone, right?"

"Mhmm," he replied, shifting his eyes to glance sideways at her. "Also tracked you here. Doesn't mean another person couldn't."

She sighed, frustrated: "Daryl, I haven't seen a living soul for miles. I've checked in almost every direction. There are barely any walkers. Most are frozen over, even if they are lurking around anywhere." She set her gun to the side of the chair, leaning it under the window.

"Know that too, but don't wanna look a gift horse in the mouth. Be stupid not to try getting the electricity and water up and runnin' in the other place."

She screwed up her face, "I'd kinda miss this place; it's the first place I've felt safe in a bit and-" she paused and looked directly into his eyes, "-it's where you found me." She watched as a smirk slowly formed on his face

He chuckled, "The other house is in a better location."

"It's out in the middle of nowhere, just like this one, though."

"You just like fightin' with me?" he smirked at her.

Her cheeks suddenly flushed pink, "I'm not fighting."

"Wouldn't you rather have your own room? Ya really wanna keep sleeping on the couch or floor?"

She rolled her eyes, "It's more efficient to keep the heat in one room and share it..." A look of uncertainty crossed her face, "Unless you just want your own space."

"That's not-" his voice trembled nervously. "You're telling me you'd give up the chance for real heat, electricity, and running water to stay in this dump?" He quirked an eyebrow up in question. She shrugged. "And that's not even mentionin' this place leaves you blind on one side. And if we make it to spring and summer, you'd have walkers crawlin' up that hill. Maybe even herds of 'em."

"You think we'll stay that long?" she looked at him fondly. They rarely thought that far ahead, so hearing him talking about the distant future with her was a wonder.

"I don't know, but let's say the weather stays clear tomorrow. We go over- give it a closer look. See if the solar panels are good. If not-come back. And if ya like the other house, we stay."

"You've been thinking about this a bit?" she stated.

He nodded, "Since we left yesterday, we saw it has a fence 'round the main part of the property. Be good for an alarm system-be easy enough to rig up. Plus, s'got that shelter belt- be warmer for sure." He rattled off his list of reasons until the sound of their temporary alarm system alerted him to something else wandering past. He peeked outside again and exhaled in relief, "Slow walker." He mumbled and released the blanket back down to avoid drawing any attention to them.

She pulled her feet into the overstuffed chair and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and body to cover her shivering. "Sounds like it'll be good then." she yawned.

"Hmm?" he turned his attention back on her, his eyes roving over her half-lidded form.

"The other house." she smiled softly.

"You tired?" he looked longingly at her.

She shifted under the blanket, "What's it look like to you?" she laughed.

"Didn't have to sit up with me."

"Want me to be honest?" she asked. He nodded. "Part of me is still worried you're gonna disappear. Same as you worrying about me," she admitted, her eyes growing tired again. She leaned her head back and continued to stare at him. " I'm Worried too that if I close my eyes too long, I'll dream something too good or something worse. Waking up from that and finding out it's not real is harder than almost anything else."

"Said they'd stopped." he furrowed his brow.

"Maybe." she shrugged. She turned her gaze toward the tree, and Daryl recognized the sadness flash in her eyes, "I've been thinking about her a lot; she would've loved this tree." He nodded and felt his heart constrict around the dark memories that talk of Sophia brought to the front of his mind. A vision flashed in front of his eyes; Carol was standing in front of him in the dark, weeping, as the worst version of himself lunged forward to scare her. He slouched in the chair and ran a hand through his long hair. "She'd be almost fifteen- maybe sixteen by now." Her eyes glistened with the hope of future memories that would never come to be. "She'd been drawn to you at the quarry, ya know?" she shook her head, "I told her-'

"I'm sorry." His lip trembled, and hot tears bubbled to the surface.

She turned from the tree and gasped, "Daryl?"

He sat forward in the chair, his shoulders vibrating with grief. "I'm sorry," he croaked out again, resting his face in his hands.

She stood from her chair and knelt on the floor before him. Her hand circled gently around his wrist. "Hey," she whispered, tears in her own eyes. He looked up slowly, meeting her watery gaze. He hiccuped quietly as the tears slid down his cheeks. She cradled his face in her hands and wiped at his tears. "We're sure doing a lot of crying these days." she chuckled.

He blubbered quietly, unable to hold it back any longer, "I tried... but, back then, I was no better than- was mean- was-"

"So what are you now?" she asked.

His tears stopped, and he looked at her in surprise. "What?" he asked, sniffing hard and trying to calm his breathing.

"You can't convince me this," she motioned to his despair, "Isn't because you didn't care for her in some way... even back then when you didn't know her or me. So if you were so bad back then, what are you now?" she looked at him curiously.

"Was awful to you. You talkin' bout guilt yesterday? Carry a lot of it, just 'bout that, about a lot of things. And here you are just-" his expression was stunned at how she showed him affection so effortlessly after everything that had happened to them.

She wiped an errant tear from her cheek and grasped his hand again. "Could always see straight through to how good you were back then. Even when you were trying to be mean, could see it was all just pretend," she said. She shook her head and swept a lock of his hair from his eyes. "A scared boy trying to keep anyone from caring because all he'd known his whole life was hurt by the people who were supposed to care the most."

"Just wanted to protect you from me, didn't trust myself," he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"The truth is, I never needed protecting from you." She kissed his forehead and tugged on his hands as she stood up. "C'mon, think we've had enough tears for a while, it's time for bed."

He agreed and followed her to standing, never letting go of her. Their hands loosely clasped together as she shuffled around the blankets on the pallet and slid into her spot next to the couch. In the remaining glow of the firelight, she watched him slide under the blankets next to her and felt his arm reach around her to pull her close to his side.

"Carol?" he whispered over the top of her head.

"yes?" she responded softly.

"Can we-" he paused, trying to find the words.

She leaned on her forearm to better look at him, "Hmm?"

His gaze was soft, affectionate, and tired. "When you asked me what I am now?" She bit her lip and nodded. His eyes glanced down at her lips and trailed back up to her eyes. " Don't wanna be that scared boy. Just wanna be the man of honor you asked for."

She placed a hand on his chest, "You are." she kissed his cheek again and nestled back into the crook of his arm.