Chapter Fifteen: A Leap of Faith

"Is there a better pairing than books and cookies? One hand for your book. One hand for your cookie. Life is good." - Ink and Shadows by Ellery Adams

Danny

I don't know what you said to my dad, but thank you and I accept. *smiling emoji*

A rush of relief pours over me when I read Valerie's text. At least now she won't have to lie to her father all the time. I text her back.

Glad to have you on board, sidekick. *winking emoji*

She sends a middle finger emoji in response. I laugh and put my phone away. I probably shouldn't be texting while flying.

Vlad is the last one on my list. Supposedly, like my family, he stopped by every day, which surprises me. We're on good terms now, but I wouldn't have expected him to go so far out of his way for me.

But then, I wouldn't have expected him to look after Amity Park in my stead either.

I phase into his mansion and float around until I find him in the kitchen, feeding his cat, who starts chowing down the moment the bowl hits the floor.

"'Sup, fruit loop?" I say with a cheeky grin.

Vlad huffs and storms past me. Somebody's in a mood. "I have no time for your shenanigans, Daniel. I need to deal with the paperwork from my actual jobs and make sure that Amity Park doesn't burst into flames while Daniel is-"

He stops in the hallway. He whirls around and gawks at me with wide, human blue eyes that scan me up and down as if determining that I am real.

I should make a witty remark. Something like, You like what you see? or My eyes are up here, pal. But, I resist the urge. "I heard you were looking after the town. Thanks for-"

Suddenly, two strong arms are locked around me, lifting me up. Vlad Masters is hugging me, burying his face in my hair. There was a time when I would have blasted him into the wall just for touching me.

Now I shift to human-form and hug him back.

Until he gets embarrassed and lets go of me. He clears his throat, his eyes dart around the room, and his face is beet red. "Uh, Daniel! It's, um, it's great to see you! How-how are you feeling?"

I straighten my shirt. "Pretty good, all things considered. As I was saying, thanks for taking care of Amity Park. Though, I'm curious why you wanted to."

Vlad crosses his arms, drums his fingers along his sleeve, looks anywhere else. "Well…I know how much you care about the townsfolk. Heaven knows why, considering how ungrateful they all are."

Ungrateful? I've had countless people today hug me and tell me how happy they were that I was alright. People had get-well-soon gifts waiting for me. Last year, the entire town held a surprise birthday party for me. And, that's not even getting into all the respect I receive on a regular basis from friends and strangers alike.

"Define 'ungrateful,'" I request.

Vlad scoffs. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. They expected me to handle all their problems. Your job is to fight ghosts, and that's what I've been doing. It shouldn't be my problem that there was a fiery car crash or-"

"There was a fiery car crash and you didn't do anything?"

Vlad opens his mouth, sees the horror on my face, and the gears start turning. He stammers a little then throws his hands in the air. "I thought I was just supposed to fight ghosts!"

I groan and yank on my hair so I won't throttle this idiot. "Did you at least make sure people were okay after ghost attacks?"

"...No one died!" To add insult to injury, he then mutters, "I'm pretty sure."

I groan louder and point my thumb at my chest. "This is why I'm the guardian," I jab my index finger at his chest, "and you're the fruit loop."

"I'm trying, Danny!" he snaps. "I don't know how to be a good person, but I am trying my best!"

"You're wrong," I retort. "You do know how to be a good person. I've seen it. That's why I'm so disappointed in you. Because you're the guy who helped me prepare for my reckoning. Who got me through a panic attack right after. Who held me when I cried over my human mother and made me breakfast the next morning. Who taught me how to make scalloped potatoes. Who cared so much about me that when Dan-" I clamp my mouth shut.

Vlad had been listening with a grief stricken expression that now hardens into interest. "When Dan…what?"

I mentally curse myself out. Stupid feelings. They're starting to affect my brain. "Nothing. It's nothing."

Vlad doesn't let it go. "Would Clockwork know anything about this 'Dan?'"

My stomach knots. My skin heats up. "H-how…" I swallow thickly. "What…do you know?"

Vlad softens at my panic. "Not much. Forgive me. It's just that while you were delirious, you were always asking me about whether or not Clockwork would allow me to join you in the past and promising that you would never be like Dan. At least, when I was in human-form." He narrows his eyes but not quickly enough to hide the hurt. "I don't know if this is related, but when I was in ghost-form you attacked me and screamed about how you would never turn into me."

I only half-hear him. I can't believe I said even that much. What was going through my head? Why would I have said anything about Dan? The only ones who know about him are Sam, Tucker, Jazz, and Mira, and we all have an unspoken agreement to never talk about it if we don't have to.

Because out of all the horrible things that have happened to me, that incident is the one I have the most nightmares about.

Vlad misreads my expression. "I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to mention that part. But, when you reacted to my ghost-form like that…it hurt. More than I expected." He massages his forehead, his bravado gone. "I know you weren't in your right mind, and I know you wouldn't have behaved that way otherwise. But, I also know that...maybe there's a part of you that…still hates me. I understand that, and…I accept that maybe you'll never tell me that you've forgiven me-"

"I forgive you." The words fall out of me, brought out by the rare sight of the real Vladimir Masters. "I forgive you, Vlad, because I've seen the progress you've made. I've seen how badly you want to change, and you have changed. I'm proud of you."

Vlad presses his lips together and blinks away tears. "Thank you."

"And, I'm sorry for…acting the way I did," I go on. "In the Far Frozen."

Vlad waves me off. "Not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for."

"I know I wasn't thinking clearly. If at all. I just don't understand why I would-"

It hits me like a truck.

If I really was talking about Dan while I was delirious, based on what Vlad said, I must have mistaken his human-half for that Vlad. And, Dan was made up of my ghost-half and Vlad's…

Shame rolls over me, irrational as it might be. I don't want to talk about this, but Vlad deserves an explanation. There's a part of me that's always wanted to tell him, seeing as he was so prominent in the story. That part was at war with the one that wanted to keep Vlad out of the loop for the same reason.

The war is over. I need to do this before I lose my nerve.

"I think I know why I was so mean to your ghost-half," I confess. "It's a long story. And, yes, it involves Dan."

Vlad says nothing as he leads me to the vast and over-priced living room. We sit on the couch together, and he gestures for me to speak.

Which I do, after taking a steadying breath. "This isn't something I like talking about, not even with the people who know about it."

"Who knows?" Vlad asks.

"Sam, Tucker, Jazz, and Mira. And, Clockwork, but you already knew that. Um, so it started at the end of my freshman year…"

I tell him about the CATs and how stressed I was because my grades had tanked so much since I started ghost fighting. Vlad's first comment comes when I mention my encounter with Box Lunch, the future daughter of Box Ghost and Lunch Lady.

"Those two are going to procreate?" Vlad says in disgust.

"I know, right?" I say with a shudder. "Gross."

I move on, detailing how I came across the CAT answer sheet and my plan to cheat. I go over my fight with Skulktech 9.9 then focus on my first sighting of Dan and my first meeting with Clockwork.

"Hold on," Vlad says. "You're telling me that this 'Dan' is you in ten years? Er, eight?"

"Not anymore," I promise. "But, we'll get to that."

I tell him how Sam, Tucker, and I ended up in the future, our first face-to-face meeting with Dan. I gloss over what happened to future Valerie, too nauseated by memory.

I can still feel her blood coating my gloves as she died on the ground in front of me. I wasn't the killer, but that fact that some version of me was is too much to bear.

I realize I'm shaking. "I-I'm sorry. This is whole story is…a huge trigger for me."

"You don't have to keep going," Vlad says.

Leaving it at that is tempting, but I've come this far, so I allow myself a moment before I continue.

Because after Dan phased the Time Medallion into my body and threw me into the Ghost Zone, I met that Vlad. He'd been sequestered in a cave that was "hidden" behind a giant purple football.

"The big football," Vlad whispers as if he's had some great revelation.

"What?"

Vlad waves his hand. "Er, it's nothing. Continue."

It takes me a little time to get through this part, where future Vlad told me how Dan came to be. Vlad listens with rapt attention and gets paler and paler the more I speak. The Nasty Burger exploding. Me, the sole survivor who had nowhere else to go. I don't know what led up to me asking future Vlad to rip my humanity out so I wouldn't have to hurt anymore. But, I know myself, so I know that it was either him or me who was going to make the hurt go away. I can only assume that my ghost-half ended up with all the emotions. He must have been so sad, scared, furious that it didn't work, that he was still in so much pain. Looking back, I think my Obsession must have amplified that.

Maybe that's why he ripped away Vlad's ghost-half and merged with it. He was feeling so much that he couldn't think anymore.

Present Vlad is white as a sheet. "Your human-half?"

"He didn't make it out." That's all I know. That's all I want to know.

Vlad motions to hold me but seems to be debating on whether or not he should. I decide for him by leaning against him. He wraps his arm around me, and I need another minute.

Because soon we reach the part I've never told anyone.

"Or, I could just destroy you now and prevent this future. Didn't think of that, did you?"

Shit.

Future Vlad raised the Ghost Gauntlets with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. I'd been hoping I wouldn't have to fight him-

And…I didn't have to.

Because just as he was about to attack, his expression crumbled. He slowly lowered his hands and phased the tip of one claw into my stomach. I didn't fight it. I could tell that he'd lost the desire to hurt me.

Having a Time Medallion phased out of your body was…certainly a sensation. It dropped into my awaiting hands before I could be forced back to my own time.

"There." Future Vlad said so brokenly. "Now… Just fix this. Please."

The Ghost Gauntlets fell to the floor with a clang. As Future Vlad turned to walk away, I realized that I couldn't leave. Not yet.

I lurched forward and grabbed Future Vlad's hand. He turned around and gazed at me in question.

"Come with me," I begged. "Back to 2005. You can start over."

Future Vlad's eyes were as hollow as his malnourished body. "Daniel-"

"We can- We can figure it out. Clockwork controls time, right? We'll find him and we'll talk to him. Please! I-I don't wanna just leave you here!"

I stopped talking when Future Vlad cupped my face in his hands. His eyes were wet, and his lips curled into the saddest smile I'd ever seen. "Oh… I'd forgotten how kind you used to be."

Now I was the one fighting back tears.

Future Vlad composed himself enough to keep speaking. "Daniel…if you truly want to help me, you'll go back to your time and ensure none of this ever happens."

"But…but, you'll be-"

"I know. And, I don't have the words to express how awful I feel about…about everything I've done to you. Including this." A tear rolled down his cheek. He moved his hands to hold mine. "Listen to me, Danny. When you go back and you see me as the monster I once was, I want you to know that…I love you. I always did, deep down. When I said I wanted you as my son, it wasn't only revenge against your father. I love you, Danny. And, I never stopped."

The lump in my throat was too big to swallow. I slipped my shaking hands out of his grasp, keeping a death grip on the Time Medallion. "For what it's worth, your hiding place isn't exactly hidden. I think…" You wanted him to find you. Two traitorous tears escaped. I sniffed and wiped them away. "I think if he wanted you dead, it would have happened by now." I forced a quivering smile. "I bet he still knows how to make scalloped potatoes."

Future Vlad's watery eyes were filled with love as he put his hands on my shoulders and bent down to kiss my forehead. "Fix this. Please."

So there's a chance we'll have something one day, he didn't need to add.

I nodded. "Okay."

I dropped the Time Medallion.

Vlad doesn't look at me when he says heavily, "For so long, you've insisted that there was good in me. Now I know why."

"I never forgot that moment," I say. "I thought about it every time you had some awful, sinister plan. And, I just got more and more frustrated because I started thinking that-that maybe future you was, I don't know, blinded by what happened? That maybe you never actually cared about me. But, I held on to the hope that there was some tiny scrap of good in you. And, it made me even angrier because I couldn't find it and I didn't until I learned about my reckoning and your fixation with it."

Vlad places his hand on my thigh. "That other me wasn't blinded by anything. I do love you, and I did even before your reckoning. I only got worse at showing it." He sighs and braces his hands on the couch, turning away. "And, the more you hated me, the more frustrated I became. I don't know how to talk to teenagers on a good day, and my thirst for revenge and my fixations on you and your mother didn't help." Quieter, he adds, "I wish I could go back and fix things the way you did."

"I think you turned out pretty okay," I say honestly. "I can't say that I love you back, but I'm glad I know you."

Vlad flashes me a tiny smile, and I finish the story. My final showdown with Dan while the most important people in my life (and my English teacher) were strapped to the vat of Nasty Sauce. How I sucked Dan into the Fenton Thermos and Clockwork turned everything back to normal.

But not before the explosion.

I didn't know it was possible to hold your breath while talking, but when the story is finally over, I collapse back on the couch and force oxygen into my lungs.

"Why would Clockwork do that to you?" Vlad demands. "Why couldn't he have shown up before the explosion? Or, better yet, erased your memory of the whole thing? Or, even better than that, prevented the whole thing himself? He's the Master of Time! Surely, there was nothing stopping him!"

"I asked myself the same things for a while after the incident," I say. "My nightmares were so terrible that I was afraid to go to sleep. But, I came to realize that Clockwork wanted me to know what could happen if I lost myself. It's a cautionary tale, one that I've taken to heart, that's meant to keep me straight. I don't like it, but in a way, I'm grateful for the memory."

Vlad crosses his arms and sighs through his nose, staring straight ahead. "How do you know it was you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said Dan was the combination of both of our ghost-halves. Why are you so certain that it was your half calling the shots?"

Vlad isn't the first person to ask me that. My answer is the same. "I'm not. But, the idea that it could have been is enough."

Vlad accepts the answer with a solemn hum. "Thank you for telling me this. I can see how difficult it is for you to talk about. And, why."

Emotions pour in out of nowhere, as they always do when I tell this story. I fight to keep them inside.

"Is that why you treated my forms so differently in the Far Frozen? You mistook my human-half for the good one, and my ghost-half for…him?"

I can't look at the grief on his face. "I don't remember anything from the last two weeks. But…probably. I'm sorry."

Vlad shakes his head. "It wasn't your fault."

Once I've composed myself, I stand. Vlad does the same. "I guess I'll leave you be," I say. I rub the back of my neck with an awkward smile. "I only came here to thank you for visiting and looking after the town. Or, well, trying to."

"No one died!" Vlad emphasizes.

"You're pretty sure," I taunt. He huffs in response. "As I was saying, I only came here to say thanks. Wasn't expecting to bare my soul, but thank you for listening. And, for keeping this on the down low?"

"I think that goes without saying," Vlad assures.

And then I hug him because - you know what? - maybe one day I will love him back. Maybe I'm such a sucker that I'm already leaning that way.

Vlad holds me tight, and I decide that it would be okay if I did.

I've done a lot of crazy things in my life. Some good, some bad. Some miraculous, some horrible enough to be erased from the timeline. I don't regret it. Any of it.

Because it made me who I am.