Chapter 46: Take Me to Church

Even though she hadn't expected an exceptional wedding night, the absence of touch was more unnerving than a dutiful version. Edie woke at hour intervals, shaken awake by the presence of another in her bed, followed by the realization that he was supposed to be there, then the disappointment in that he probably didn't want to be. In better news, the continual waking stopped any nightmares from surfacing. That would've been a wedding night for the books—awoken by your new wife's gut-wrenching screams. She wouldn't break her promise to Erwin that quickly.

Sounds and smells wafted from the rest of the cabin, and she followed them to find an aproned husband frying scrambled eggs and boiling water for tea. He hummed a six-note song, moving the food around every few moments. Edie leaned against the doorframe, holding her arms at her chest, and sighed quietly. The table was already set, with wine glasses filled with fresh squeezed juice, and she spotted the leftover cores and peels in a box by the door. Leave it to Levi to care about composting, or at least care to think that her family saved scraps.

After a few moments, he lifted his head to gaze out the window and turned with a smile. "Good morning, bear."

She laughed and accepted his kiss. "Is that your attempt at a pet name?"

To his credit, he pondered over his words carefully. "It is nearly nine in the morning."

"For the last three years, I've woken up at four in the morning to take care of cranky horses, smelly pigs, and rowdy chickens, and after this delightful weekend away, I will be right back to it."

"Fair point." He gently kissed her forehead. "How about bee?"

"Bee?"

"As in busy bee."

She crinkled her eyebrows. "How about you focus your energy somewhere else?"

"As you wish." He walked to the table and pulled out her chair. "I've prepared some scrambled eggs with parsley, osioa tea, pan fried ham, and, in case you want something cold, freshly squeezed apple juice."

"Levi," she whined affectionately. "It'd be a dangerous thing if I was used to this pampering all the time."

"Only the best." He kissed the top of her head again, then sat down to eat.

After the meal, he insisted that she sip her tea and enjoy the views while he cleaned up. She couldn't discern whether he was trying to be sweet or didn't want her anywhere near his sterilized workspace. She sat on a stool, sipping every few moments, enjoying the quiet, snowy landscape and the rustling of the wind through pine branches. After a few minutes, he joined her on the porch, wrapping his arms around her chest and nuzzling her neck gently. For a moment, his fingers slipped past the buttons on her nightgown and brushed her belly, but he withdrew totally and set his hands on her shoulders.

Edie swallowed nervously and put her hands over his. "So, do you have any plans today? Want to explore the cabin?"

"I have a couple ideas," he whispered in her ear.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He held one her hands and led her around the house, still on the deck. He pointed at two trees, about thirty feet from the cabin. "I want to teach you how to use ODM gear."

"I already told you and Erwin and Jamie—and my mother—I am not joining the Scouts."

"Good." His voice took on a stern quality. "I don't want you anywhere near. All the same, I'd never forgive myself if a situation arose and you weren't prepared."

She huffed a laugh, partly from nerves, and the rest of fear. "What could happen?"

"We both know the past doesn't stay dead," he murmured.

Edie swiveled in her seat and touched his forlorn face. He recovered quickly, brushing her lips with a quick kiss. "Not a conventional honeymoon activity, I know."

"Well, we've been anything but usual thus far." She stood and draped her arms over his shoulders. "Let's do it. But you can't laugh at me if I end up with my ass in the snow."

"Please. You're going to be a natural."

She tousled his hair and gave a loving yank. "Promise," she said through gritted teeth.

And Levi finally laughed, dropping his head. "I do."

"Good."

She drank another cup of tea while he found a suitable area, then dressed in warm clothes while he prepped the gear. When all her preparation was done, Edie watched her husband from a window. He went about his work seriously, with his eyes alert and head down. He seemed to be readying for a threat, like a bear or a killer emerging from between the trees. She took another slow, careful sip. Maybe if he relaxes, realizes there's no threat here, and can let his guard down… She sighed. Even in the middle of nowhere, there's hardly any peace.

When the setup seemed complete, Edie joined him. Levi had cleared an area of snow and affixed a contraption between two trees. The gear itself lay in pieces on the ground, separated as if in a mechanic's shop. A few cloth tarps lay on a sunny rock, folded neater than in a hotel. She crossed her arms and smiled. "You know, I've heard some men pack scented underwear for their honeymoons."

Her comment did produce a series of laughs, both humorous and knowing. "The process is a bit more complicated than it appears. But so elegant." Levi was lost in thought for a moment. "So organized."

"Are you cheating on me with your ODM gear?"

"Gods, no. It doesn't have your brewing skills."

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, get on with it."

"Right. ODM gear has been used by humanity for over a century, perfected by each generation to better maneuver around titans. If it were cheaper to manufacture and run, it could be useful for transportation, but given limited metals and fuel resources, it's solely used by the military."

"How rare? For the fuel, I mean."

"It's called iceburst stone, harvested from mines." Levi squinted. "As I understand it, the stone itself isn't particularly rare. We have five locations, on a need to know basis, within Sina, two in Rose, and had four in Maria. The commanding echelon felt the fuel would be better conserved, in case the titan situation ever worsened. As it has."

"How did you come to know about the mines?"

"The Scouts were brought in to support the Military Police a few years back, before Maria fell, when the mines were raided by a group of rogues. They wanted to keep it out of public hands, mostly."

"Makes sense. Jamie would've gotten seriously injured if he had access to this outside of training."

"Precisely." He pointed to the harness. "This is designed to secure your legs and torso to the motion, but you're responsible for maintaining balance in your upper body. Since a portion of your body weight is concentrated in your head, a flyer has to be vigilant of their own weight's location. Furthermore, any addition to weight affects motion. The flight itself becomes second nature after three or four tries—at least, it did for me—until you can feel the balance."

"I can't imagine doing all that and fighting titans at the same time."

Levi nodded grimly. "I wish we could say we lost more cadets to titans than poor balance. Some of them look like they're trying to get eaten." Edie tried to control her expression, but her face constricted a bit. He noticed, and brushed off the harness. "Next are the fuel canisters, attached behind your hip. They connect to these handles, where you control when fuel is released. At the moment of release, the mechanisms shoot the metallic grapples, which clasp onto the first surface they encounter—wood, stone, whatever it is. The surface has to withstand the clasp—flimsy materials, like clay, will degrade when the pressure hits."

"I'm sure that can be useful, in some situations," Edie mused.

"Turning, yes, but that can be accomplished by shifting your center weight, activating just one grapple, and a few other ways. Today, I'd like to make sure you can balance while suspended."

"If I can't?"

"You will." His expression was set in stone. "Cadets learn first how to grapple without equipment, then with blades, then with unloaded guns. You'll just need to do the first." They walked over to the dual trees, and Levi clipped the harness onto the suspended wire. He lowered the wire with a crank and stepped into the harness. "Go ahead and turn that back up."

The mechanism worked nicely; with little force, the wire grew taut once more, and the captain balanced himself above the ground. Edie smiled. "How's the weather up there?" He scowled for a moment, but her smile was contagious. "I'm guessing this is the default position you have to be in for flight."

"When airborne and looking to land. You shift when you grapple, of course, but this is where you should always end up. Anything else will end up with a rough topple on the dirt."

"Got it."

She lowered the wire again, and he helped her strap in the harness. Even with both feet on the ground, it still looked miles away. "Levi—?"

"I've got you." She gripped his shoulder as the wire grew taut, and her feet left the ground. With a jolt forward, her head went toward the ground, but he caught her arm and helped her up. After a moment, testing a few positions with her legs, she felt steady.

"I think—yeah, I'm going to…" Gently, she let go of his shoulder and managed to stay upright, her arms trembling a bit. Whether from memory or from the cold, she couldn't tell. "How long do the cadets have to hold it for?"

"Five minutes."

"How long did Jamie?"

The captain thought for a moment. "Twelve, I think. And he fell. The cadet commanders don't make anyone get down on test day."

"Go get one of the candles from the kitchen. They burn for fifteen minutes each."

"Are you—"

"Oh, I've got this." She waved her hand playfully, almost losing her balance.

Levi laughed, surveyed her once more, and smiled with approval. He retrieved a candle from the kitchen, affixed it to the sunny rock, and lit the wick. "We'll add a minute to the fifteen, if you can make it that long."

"A minute? I've been up here for three, at least."

He smiled again. "I'll tell Jamie it was twenty total, whether you fall or not."

"Oh, it's nice to have a guy on the inside." She took a deep breath, a little bothered again by the pressure on her chest. "So, was it a person or thing?"

"Was what?"

"The reason why you want me to learn how to use ODM gear a day after marrying you."

Levi's gaze fell to the candle. "A bit of both."

She took note of his silence. "It's alright if you don't want to talk about it now, but…I'd like to know at some point."

"I'm afraid you'll think less of me if I do."

"Even if that's the case, we are married. Not exactly much I can do about it at this point. And, as I'm likely right in assuming that Erwin already knows, then it can't have much impact on your work."

"No." He gave a tense smile. "No, it wouldn't."

She hung in silence for a while, content to balance the wind with her own meager form and not think about the stiff rocks below her hanging feet. A few sparrows darted around the trees, yelling at one another loud enough for the neighbors to hear. She spotted a hawk soaring above the clouds, but staring sky-high wasn't conducive to keeping her head above her feet. The candle, meanwhile, melted nearly to its stub.

"It's Kenny," he murmured.

"Who?"

"Why I want you to learn ODM gear. Now."

She pondered for a moment. "Someone from your past?"

Levi nodded tensely. "I hope not the future, but it'd be foolish not to prepare."

"Who is he?" Edie searched his gaze for any indication of pain, fear, or else.

"I don't know." He swallowed. "I told you my mom died when I was little."

"Yeah, I remember."

"He came a few days after she died. She was a…" He paused, and took a breath. "She sold her body to keep us alive, so I always wondered…but none of that matters now. He's a murderer, and obsessive. I haven't heard of him in years, or from him in well over a decade, so it's unlikely he or any of his associates would bother us."

"But better safe than sorry."

The light reached its end, hardly noticeable in the mid-morning light. "That's sixteen. Do you want to keep going?"

"Nah, I've smoked my little brother." She steadied her feet as the wire cranked down, and her tingling feet touched the ground. "Have I passed?"

"With flying colors."

"Do I get to move onto grappling now?"

"Tomorrow." He held her head close and kissed her forehead. "Larmie mentioned that there was a stream with a waterfall a few miles from here. How does a picnic sound?"

"Romantic."

"Good." He gave her a brief kiss on the mouth and began packing up the ODM gear. "I'll be just a minute here. Do you need to warm up?"

"Don't be silly. I'll go get the picnic ready." Edie surprised him, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing his neck. He laughed, a little from shock, and combed his fingers through her hair for a moment. But she felt a little stiffness from her touch and released him, turning to the house to get food together.

In the kitchen, her hands worked of their own accord, washing vegetables, heading up prepared soup, and filling metal cannisters with food. She tried to dismiss every odd interaction, limit her contact to hand holding and momentary kisses, and be affectionate with her words. Even at the picnic, they sat next to one another, their knees touching, far less intimacy than when he were dying and shared a bed for the first time. The hike back was uphill, more concerned with reaching the cabin before dark than holding hands.

We're capable adults, after all, Edie reasoned. We don't need anyone holding our hands.

Back at the cabin, she insisted on making dinner with the tradeoff that, whenever she cooked, he could clean up. The discussion nearly turned into an argument and ended up lasting most of the time it would've taken her to make, eat, and clean up after the dinner, but she hoped it would be the bookend to any other debate on the subject. So she cooked quietly, and he sat at the table, chatting about how beautiful the waterfall had been, how the little fish jumping above the surface reminded him of a river in Wall Maria, and how he might like to go back there and try jumping from the rocks and reach the falls.

He kept talking freely, seeming finally at peace with the cabin in the woods, as they ate and as he began cleaning up. The plates were clean and he'd started on the cookware when he finally asked, "What's on your mind?"

Edie wrung her hands and bore a grin for too long before saying, "Nothing."

His head rose a little, and he paused his cleaning. "Edie."

"What?"

"As long as I've known you, you've never had nothing on your mind."

"Nothing of great importance."

"That's not what you said."

"Why, captain, I think you'll be up for promotion as a detective."

"Detectives happen to fall below my rank."

"Fine, demotion."

He looked over his shoulder and studied her face for a moment. "Are you alright?"

"I've…yes." She looked back at her hands. "It's a bit of an adjustment."

"Being married?"

"Yeah. I don't know. We…we felt different before. Do you…feel like that?"

He shrugged, not dismissively, but in acknowledged ignorance. "Perhaps a little. What feels different?"

"I don't know. Just…before, when we were courting, it…it felt like you couldn't keep your hands off me. In a good way, and not unwelcome at all. But since we've been engaged, and now married, it's…it's like you don't even want to touch me."

"I think it's safer that way."

"Safer?"

"Better for both of us."

She rubbed her eyes and placed both hands on the table. "I'm sorry, what is that supposed to mean? That you love me less now that we're married?"

"This has nothing to do with how much I love you."

"But you'd rather teach me how to use ODM gear then sleep with me."

"Edie, I have to leave you alone, at home, for weeks at a time. And I will be able to do that knowing you can handle yourself."

She stood, her voice rising. "I can handle myself."

"I know, that's…that's not how I meant that. And you know we can't be intimate, so I don't know why you're throwing that in my face."

She blinked, dumbfounded. "Levi. Really?"

"Yes. I love you, immeasurably, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing in the past, present, or future. Just as you know that I will not change how I feel because of anything in your past, I know you won't leave me or think differently of me when things come up from my past. And the future is the same. I don't care that we can't have children. I don't. Because I love you."

"Levi!"

"But it kills me, because you are beautiful, beyond comprehension, and I want to hold you, and love you, but it hurts to—"

"Captain!"

The title shook him to attention, but he scowled. "What?"

"Please be honest with me."

His complexion had turned ruddy from the shouting. "I always am."

"Do you think that because I can't have kids, that we can't have sex?"

He stared for a moment, opened his mouth a bit, then closed it, eyes to the side, thinking. He opened his mouth again. "Are you—"

"What did you think had happened?"

"Well—I considered that—well, that the situation was—closed up?"

"Oh my god." She burst out laughing and walked in a circle around the living room.

"Edie, come on, that's a little—"

"No, it's fine, it's all fine. I mean, it's not like you would have nay reason to think about—"

"No, no I wouldn't."

"Listen, girls have these organs called ovaries, and they—"

"I don't need the talk."

"—and I don't have those." His discomfort was palatable, and she swallowed hard to stop from laughing again. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"Seemed safer to assume."

"Of course. I get that. But, I'm…you're my husband. Just talk to me, okay? I've spent the last month thinking that you were just marrying me because you felt some kind of obligation to stick to your word, all because you wouldn't hold my hand, but it's—"

He stopped her clasping her head with both hands and drawing her close for a kiss. The rest of the sentence stuck in her mouth and slowly dissolved, and her arms reached around his shoulders. He kissed her again, his hands reaching under her shirt and stroking her bare back. He paused for a moment, gazed into her eyes, and whispered, "Does that feel like an obligation to you?"

She blinked for a moment, a little wobbly despite all the balance practice earlier. "It…does not," she whispered.

"Good." One of his hands gripped her shoulder and the other under her knees, holding her effortlessly. "I've been wanting to get you out of that outfit all day."

"Yeah?" She ruffled his hair. "What about cleanup?"

The captain genuinely paused, looking from the filthy sink to his bride. "Damn the dishes."

"Now, that's the hottest thing you've said all day."