Chapter 3 – I'm sorry, I can't give up.
Hu Tao awoke to the early morning sunrise seeping in through her window. For a brief moment she felt at peace as she watched the sun rise and listened to her grandpas' slow breaths behind her.
She didn't want to leave him, but she couldn't stop herself from going. His words last night were meaningful, but her desire to see her parents again was unyielding.
"I-I'm sorry grandpa, but I can't give up yet… They have to be there somewhere waiting for me…" she whispered. She quickly grabbed her things and set back off for Wuwang Hill. At least this time she remembered to bring a few snacks with her. Perhaps he wouldn't be as mad this way.
She travelled all day and night only taking short breaks to rest and recover. As she travelled, some of her grandpa's words popped up in her mind but she just as quickly pushed them away.
Whatever he thought, she knew she had to do this for herself.
After a long journey she arrived back at Wuwang Hill just as dusk set in. This time she wasn't going to leave a single stone unturned. This was it. Years of investigating had all led up to this moment. Her confidence had never been higher. She knew exactly where she wanted to go, she knew exactly who she wanted to find.
Hu Tao wasted no time, immediately slipping through the cracks in the mortal world, stepping out into the pathway to the border that she had grown oh so familiar with.
As soon as she stepped out into the clearing, she was immediately greeted by the same two glowing eyes she had left only a few days ago.
"Hey! It's you! Hello?" Hu Tao yelled out.
The figure didn't respond only turned away and disappeared around the corner just like last time. Hu Tao ran after the figure but this time she made sure not to slam into any magically appearing rock walls.
She rounded the corner expecting to find a barrier, but was surprised to instead find a long pathway with the figure standing at the end. The figure looked at her for a moment, before disappearing around another corner.
"Aiya, so you want to play hard to get! It's on spirit! Do you hear me?!" She yelled.
Hu Tao was trying to be playful, but it was undeniable that a hint of annoyance was slowly taking hold of the little girl.
She ran after the figure as fast as she could, only to be met with the exact same scenario. The figure looked at her for a moment before again disappearing around the corner. Hu Tao swiftly gave chase.
This cycle continued on for almost an hour before Hu Tao finally ran out of stamina and needed to stop for a break.
"Ahh… *wheeze* *breath* *cough*… You win… this time… spirit!" She wheezed as she collapsed onto the floor.
She laid there for awhile catching her breath.
"Aiya… This is pointless! I give up spirit! You hear me?! I don't need you anyway!" She yelled out into the distance.
After Hu Tao caught her breath, she stood back up. This time, instead of chasing a useless spirit in circles all day, she was going to return to the place she had intended to go. Back to the place where she had found the old man who missed his wife and son. That was the key.
She slowly made her way through the maze of tunnels before finally making her way out into the beautiful island that mirrored reality, the border between the living and the dead. She took one final look back way she had come, noticing the figure standing predictably at the end of the path she had just emerged from.
This time however, Hu Tao would not be tricked, and she confidently ignored the figure and pushed onwards.
Hu Tao ended up spending a few days there, talking to spirits after spirit, asking question after question but nothing.
No matter who she talked to or how hard she pressed, none of them had ever seen or even heard of her parents. This wasn't going to stop her though. She couldn't give up! She continued on day after day talking to every soul she could find, searching every crease and crack of the border leaving no stone unturned.
Each day she would see the old woman standing in the distance, watching her from afar. At first, she did her best to completely ignore her but as the days dragged by and the feeling of hopelessness grew greater and greater in her heart, she did make a few attempts at reaching the old woman, but the figure would always disappear out of sight before she could reach her.
After many desperate days of searching, Hu Tao eventually reached the point where she had completely drained her travel rations dry.
She soon found herself laying down in the grass hungry are she gazed up upon the night sky.
As she lay there mentally preparing for another long day of searching, she found it impossible to ignore the doubts that were taking over her mind.
"Why am I doing this… This is stupid… What am I doing…" She said aloud.
Faced with failure after failure Hu Tao was struggling to muster any ounce of willpower she had left to continue searching.
"Is grandpa, right? Are they really happy without me…? I-I can't believe it… T-They really aren't here…"
She felt the familiar twinge of tears coming, but after noticing it she got angry at herself.
"Gosh I'm so stupid… How naive was I… This has all been a giant waste…"
"I couldn't even find that old woman. I really am useless…" She cursed as she hit her fist into the grass.
"Aiya… How am I going to apologize to grandpa this time… I must be so frustrating to deal with, all these years he's been trying to tell me and I never listen…"
"Ah… I don't deserve him."
"At least he'll be happy I've finally given up…" she thought.
She laid there until the sun started to rise stewing in her thoughts before finally giving up. As the sun rose, she headed down the mountain. She took one look back, feeling overwhelmed with sadness and regret, but made quick work of pushing it away, telling herself how stupid she was.