Chapter 9: Panic

For the next few weeks in our dorm, no one talks. We all do our own thing and then go to sleep. One morning, in late November, I wake up dazed. No one is in the dorm. I look at the clock and panic. It's 8:35. "OH SHIT!!" I yell. I scramble to get my robes on and sprint to the great hall. I quickly scarf down a plate of eggs and run to the greenhouses. I bend over, panting.

"Where were you?!" Draco says, walking over to me.

"Slept in on accident. Paiyton wasn't as loud as normal so I didn't wake up." I reply. "Not surprising though because she hasn't been talking to me ever since I came out to my dorm." We walk over to our spots at the table and start talking to the others. I catch myself staring at Audrey. Damn she's pretty. I wish I could get myself to talk to her more than I already do. I mean, we have EVERY class together and I think we will every year.

"Amilee!" Draco says waving his hand in front of my face. "You've been a lot more spaced out than usual. Something up?"

"What? Yeah, sure, borrow my pencil." I say, very distracted and without looking back.

"That isn't what I asked you." Draco replies worriedly. He spins me around. Looking me dead in the eyes he says "I asked you if something was up. You've been very spacey recently and I'm getting worried."

"Oh. Sorry I've just been distracted. You know me, always focused on something. This time, that 'something' just happens to be a person." I say, turning back towards Audrey.

"Amilee, stop. You know she's out of your reach. She probably doesn't even like girls. Please just focus on you and your work." The bell then unexpectedly rings.

"Why did the bell ring? Class shouldn't be over for 30 more minutes." I state.

"Ami, you really need to pay attention."

"Yeah, you really do." Audrey buts in. My stomach flips over. I have butterflies. "You seriously don't remember? Today all of our classes are shorter due to winter break being tomorrow."

"Ohhhhh right. I totally knew that." I say sheepishly. Audrey rolls her eyes and tosses her beautiful dark hair over her shoulder and ties it up. She looks so studious with her hair up.

I shake my head and focus back on what we are doing. We walk out of the greenhouse and head towards Professor McGonagall's classroom. We arrive there just as the bell finishes ringing and rush to our seats. "Today, we will be continuing our lesson on simple transformations. Please take out your matchboxes and continue your assignment from yesterday." Professor McGonagall announces to us. I grab my match box and pull out my wand. I barely get started before the bell rings AGAIN. Our classes are so short!

After a very short day of lessons, I head back to the dorm and work on homework. Half an hour later, Audrey comes in lugging a huge package.

"Who is that from?" I ask, putting down my charms homework.

"My mother. I am not going home for Christmas so she sent my presents early." Audrey gasps, for the package must be heavy. I jump up and help her place the large box on her bed.

"Why aren't you going home?" I press, curiously.

"I don't think I can deal with being around family without my grandfather, so I told my mother that it would be better for me to stay here this year. I don't think any of my friends are staying though so I'll be here alone."

"You know, I could always ask if I could stay." I shrug.

"I couldn't ask that of you." Audrey says sympathetically.

"No, really. I hate Christmas anyway, my parents always bring around family who hate me so I've never really enjoyed it. Plus, you need company so you don't do, you know what."

"Fine I guess. At least I won't be alone."

"Great! I'll write to my parents right now." I pull out a piece of parchment and write a quick letter to my parents explaining how Audrey has no one staying with her and so I will be staying to keep her company. I send off Albric with the letter and we get ready for bed.

The other girls come in about 15 minutes later and we all chatter about our holiday plans. It's the first time in weeks that we've talked all together as a group. "Yeah, I'm going to stay here to keep Audrey company over break." I say cheerfully. I hear Paiyton mutter something under her breath. "Sorry, what did you say Paiyton?" I ask.

She looks up. "I said that you are probably going to be making out with Audrey all break, as you clearly like her." Paiyton says, sounding disgusted and annoyed. I look shocked and turn away, blushing.

"Paiyton!!!!!" Ainsley yells, standing up. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! DO. NOT. TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT. She is your roommate and will always be for the next 7 years of our lives. You need to respect that she likes girls and respect that her love life is her love life. There is no need for these smartass comments." We all sit there, shocked. Ainsley NEVER yells, nor curses. I stand up.

"I'm going to bed." I whisper. I walk out of the room and head towards the bathroom. I brush my hair and teeth and go back to my bed. Paiyton isn't in the room anymore and Audrey's bed curtains are closed. I hope she doesn't believe Paiyton or if she does, at least she hopefully won't hate me. Mikayla is sitting cross legged on her bed, reading a book peacefully. At least someone in here isn't this overly emotional. "Good night," I say, waving to her. She looks up from her book.

"Good night Amilee." She says back, pushing her thick braids over her shoulder. Before I close my curtains, she asks "Hey Amilee?"

"Yeah?" I reply.

"Do you really like Audrey?"

I blush deeply. "Yeah….. I really do." I hear a gasp come from Audrey's bed. Oh shit. She was there the whole time. I look at Mikayla one last time then shut my curtains and silently cry myself to sleep.

I wake up the next morning to the dorm being empty. I check my clock. It reads 7:36. Draco is gone already. I sit up to find a piece of paper on my side table. It reads:

Dear Amilee,

I hope you have a good Christmas. The girls told me that you were still asleep and we didn't want to wake you. I left you some candies in your trunk (the girls put them there for me). I wish you luck with Audrey. I love you!!!!!!

See you after break,

Draco Malfoy

God I love that idiot. I get out of bed and take a nice long, hot shower. I wash my hair twice through, so it's extra soft today. I finally get dressed and head down to the Great Hall to see who all stayed. As I enter the hall I immediately see that Harry and Ron stayed. They are playing an intense game of Wizard's Chess at the Gryffindor table. I scan my gaze over the dispersed crowd and find Audrey at the far end of the Slytherin table. I walk down there and plop myself down next to her.

"Heyyyyyyyy!" I say as I sit down.

"Hi." Audrey replies blandly.

"So, uhh, last night was kinda intense."

"I'm sure you would know that." God why is she like this today? Is she mad about last night or what?!

"What is up with you?" I say, starting to become agitated.

Audrey turns towards me with a jerk and slams down her fork. "What's up?! WHAT'S UP?!!!" She yells. "What's up is that I found out that my fucking best friend has a fucking crush on me. Of course I'm messed up today!" People are starting to look in our direction. "First, I'm rejected by a damn muggle because he's scared of me, then my fucking grandfather dies and I'm sent to this stupid ass school where I don't have any time to mourn my only loving family, and then I find out that my best friend has a secret crush on me and I don't know how the fuck to feel or respond and I'm trying to destract myself so I don't self harm right now because I need to stab my damn arm because nothing makes me feel bet-" I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. I pull away, face completely red. I spin on my heels and run, slightly crying. I slide around a corner and smash into Harry. He looks at me, confused.

"Amilee, are you…" Harry says. I don't hear the rest of his sentence, as I am running away as fast as I can. Thank Merlin Draco and I had all of those runs during our childhood. I slip around a corner and slow my run to a speed walk. I don't think anyone followed me. I peek into a nearby classroom to check for people. It's all clear. I step inside the room and sit down against the wall. Tears start pouring down my face. I can't stop them. I pull my wand out of my pocket and push it against my skin. The pain feels so good. My head is pounding at the same time. This pounding isn't like a headache. My face is burning. I start to panic. I check if anyone is in the hallway and there is no one there.

I walk to the nearest bathroom and head to the mirror. In the mirror, I see a girl resembling myself. The girl in the mirror has my long black hair but instead of curls, its pin straight. The girl has blazing green eyes and a pale face. She's skinny and has a long, deep red line streaking blood across and down her face. Shit. I start panicking. The blood is streaking down my face in large, clumpy streams. I need to get to the nurse. I walk out the door speedily. Tears are mixing with the blood. I hate this stupid scar. As I'm rushing to the nurse, tears start to blur my vision. I see the door to the infirmary. My vision is turning black. I stumble along clumsily. I reach the door, and everything goes black.