Ronald McWeasley, The Boy Who Done Nothing

by Corvid's Eclair

ONESHOT A dude who never seen any Harry Potter content got his soul stuck into Ron Weasley. he proceed to do nothing, yet it results to everything. This is a Crackfic Oneshot coz I am too lazy to bother writing the whole thing. (NOTICE): This fic is now being continued as a small, occasionally updated crackfic.

2. 1

Greetings. Sorry for a long Author's Note right off the bad here.

In case you stumbled upon this fanfic in the Harry Potter section, I am Corvid's Éclair. I write some crack AU fics with bad grammar, barely having an audience through the sheer humor I wrote into the fics. If you love it, great. If you don't, welp have a nice day I suppose.

Now, this fic is supposed to be a oneshot, simply because I am currently running 3 fics simultaneously and adding a fourth will be a bit much. I do have some ideas for SI-Ron fic but not enough to focus it into a full fledged story. Also writings brits speaking in broken English will be so silly even for a crackfic.

Anyway, I decide I'm going to write occasional chapters just for the lols. This fic will be pure Narrator only storytelling, so that I don't need to write character dialogues as well as speed up the narrative. The plot of this full version of Ronald McWeasley; The Boy who Done Nothing will have some differences to the oneshot as I will get new ideas as I write this sidefic.

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Chapter 1: The Afterlife Department has paperwork issues

Ron Weasley, seven years old woke up from his coma after seven days since he got a heart attack and legally died for seven minutes.

According to Percy, Fred and George had done a prank that went too far, something that's involving spiders. He asked what is the last thing he remembers.

Well, the last thing Ron Weasley, or rather Ronald McWeasley remember was that he was at this pure white train station. Apparently, when you die, you go to a train station. Who the hell decide this is unknown to him. We at least, it didn't take the form of the DMV office. Now you may as well just call that hell.

When Ronald gone by the counter to settle whatever afterlife package he is getting, the busy Reaper at the counter who looks like he had not take a break for a century, with stacks of papers that towered to the sky behind him. His consciousness is powered solely by caffeine reactor at this point. He had drowsily checked his files and said there was a mix up and he wasn't supposed to die yet. So they will send him back to the living world.

Well gee, Ronald was planning to sip martini at Elysium or Valhalla or whatever you call heaven these days. But now he has to go back and live. Do you know how bad it is to die from lung cancer? It was fucking agony and apparently he has to go back to his body because he died too early apparently and then he will have to die anyway a few weeks later.

Ronald McWeasley is just your average dude. He has never watch Harry Potter movies let alone the books. All he knows about it was there was a kid who lives and he was harassed by some bald pedophile because they're destined to be together or some shit. The pedo name was Morty, he thinks. Ronald doesn't really pay attention to his potternerd friend ramblings about the franchise.

In fact, Ronald doesn't even realize that he is in the Wizarding World and he is now in the body of some ugly ginger kid who is the son of a poor wizarding family, who is the sidekick character of the Harry Potter franchise, Ron Weasley.

Well, he do realize he is in a kid's body now.

So first thing he do is screamed his ass off

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Ronald, or he has to go as Ron now he supposed, had finally calmed down. More like forced to calm down by being forced fed Calming Draughts that is. Wow, who made this drugs coz its fucking awesome!

Anyway, once Ron had a final inspection, he was released from St Mungo hospital. As a get well gift, Percy gave him his pet rat, Scabbers.

Percy must really want him to die because who the hell give a rat as a get well gift after being discharged from the hospital?! Also, who the hell keep a pet rat?! I thought you're the normal one, Percy!

Well, Ron excuse himself to the toilet and go to some backalley. There, he found some stray dogs. Without hesitance, Ron snapped the Scabbers' neck, killing it instantly. Then he throw the rat carcass to the stray dogs. They can have some snack, he supposed.

Ron then go to the toilet to wash his hand from the stench of the Steed of Pestilence and figures he's going to take a very long shower with a lot of soap after this. He would not be the next Black Death's patient zero! Nuh uh!

Then, he go back to his group of family he supposed and Percy asked, where's Scabbers?

Ron just shrugged, saying he released the rat back to its natural habitat, which is the dumpster. Percy nodded in understanding. Yes, rats deserves to dig up trash and has the exciting life of combatting crows and cats for survival. That's the way nature order supposed to be.

Then, Ron enter the old Ford Anglia car that Ron swore should not fit all his seven siblings, but somehow its so much bigger on the inside? Weird. Is it because he is now in a seven years old boy body now?

Then, the car fly up to the sky.

Ron gulped his saliva.

Well shit, not only the stupid Reaper sent him to the wrong body, he also sent him to the wrong universe!!! Not only that, a magical universe where everyone still looks like regular ugly Eartlings!!

Why can't you just isekai me to an anime world instead damnit! Everyone here is ugly! Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!