Chapter Seventy-Four: Welcome Home
"She has pretty frequent nightmares."
Ash frowned as he swirled the last bit of green tea in his mug. He downed it, leaving only the dregs behind. "I wish I could say that surprised me."
"She has her own room, but most nights, she just sleeps with me," Miyuki said solemnly. "So, she'll probably want to sleep with you two."
"Eiji will sleep with her in the guest room."
Miyuki nodded in understanding. "Though you may be able to comfort her better, since— you know— you also have bad dreams."
Ash looked at her. His face was serious, but there was no malice in his expression. "How do you know I have nightmares?"
Miyuki flushed. Her eyes danced over Ash's features, trying to find the best thing to say. "Well— I— I mean you slept across the hall from me when you and Eiji lived with us…"
She didn't need to finish her incohesive strand of words for him to grasp what she was getting at. His nightmares weren't exactly subtle.
Ash sighed and nodded. "Fair enough."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I'm the disturber of sleep."
His words were so casual that Miyuki's discomfort melted away. "Do you still dream?"
Ash's eyes fluttered shut. He could remember the last nightmare he had. It was recent, only a few nights prior. In that dream, unlike most of his dreams, he was not the subject, but rather Akira had been taken into custody of the government. She was shipped away to another city and none of them knew what would become of her. As always, it was Eiji who talked him down from panic.
Other than that, his nightmares had been growing fewer and further between.
"Not so much anymore," Ash told Miyuki, answering her question.
Miyuki looked pleasantly surprised. "That's good to hear."
He gave her a pained smile. A younger, hurting Ash may have been angered by the casualness of how she spoke, but in his healing, he had learned to realize most people didn't think about things the way he did. She would never truly understand the extent of his trauma, but that was for the best.
"What does she dream about?" Ash asked.
Miyuki shook her head. "She doesn't really elaborate."
Ash's brows furrowed. "And you don't ask?"
"Should I?"
He was quiet for a beat. "I would have wanted someone to ask me." He chewed his lip. "Actually, that's not true. I was feral for a long time. I would have punched anyone who did ask…" He sighed. "But in hindsight, maybe I needed someone to ask— someone to care."
Miyuki nodded. "I'm new to this whole older sister thing. I guess I don't know what I'm doing."
Ash shook his head, "You're doing just fine, Mi."
Suddenly, Miyuki's face scrunched in contempt. "If Japan didn't have its panties in such a bunch about same-sex couples, you and Eiji could be raising her. You'd probably be much better at this than me."
Ash laughed softly, so softly that it was more a puff of air than a proper laugh. "Very eloquent," he teased.
"Well, you would!" She shoved his shoulder.
To this, he said nothing. He studied the bottom of his teacup, swirling it around and watching the dregs form shapes in which the superstitious would find meaning.
Miyuki eyed him curiously. "Ash? Did I say the wrong thing?"
He shook his head. "If I were allowed to and if it were necessary, I'd raise her in a heartbeat— obviously."
Miyuki leaned in. "But?"
He inhaled audibly and held it for a beat before releasing it. "But the more I think about it… I'm not fit to be a fucking parent. I don't know the first thing about raising a kid. I was hardly ever allowed to be a kid myself."
Miyuki flinched as if his words had sprung to life and stung her. "Don't say that," she pleaded, sorrow heavy on her tongue.
Ash shrugged. "It's the truth. I'd be just awful at it."
Miyuki was quiet for a moment. She polished off the rest of the tea she'd been holding. "You say that, and I'm sure you believe it, but I know that's not true. I already know you make a great brother and is that really so different than a dad?"
Ash studied her face. "I think it's very different."
Miyuki shook her head. "I don't."
"Have you even seen the way brothers treat their other siblings? Brothers lie and cheat at games and steal from each other and tease and get in fights and— a father can't be like a brother."
Miyuki set her teacup on the floor and crossed her arms moodily. "I didn't say you're an average, old brother. I said you're a great one. Great ones don't do things like that."
Ash's eyes suddenly burned with emotion and he had to look away from her to keep himself from crying.
"Do you have any siblings, Ash?"
Now, it didn't matter that he had averted his gaze, the tears came anyway. "I had a brother."
He heard her sharp inhale at the word 'had,' but when she spoke again, she didn't address it. "And did he treat you like you just described?"
He thought of Griffin. When his father went on a drunken, screaming rampage, it was Griffin who stood up to their father. It was Griffin who protected Ash from his rage. When Ash woke in the night drenched in sweat, it was Griffin who comforted him from nightmares. It was Griffin who told him stories to lull him back to sleep. When Ash was out of school for the summer, it was Griffin who occupied his time with beach outings and ice cream. It was Griffin who distracted him with laughter. It was Griffin who looked out for him. It was Griffin who loved him.
Ash wiped his eyes with his shirt collar. "No, Griffin was…" he trailed off, eyes growing glossy with new tears. He took in and released a slow breath. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "He was much better to me than my sorry-excuse-for-a-father ever was." He looked at Miyuki, no longer caring if she saw his tears. He found she was also teary-eyed. "I get your point." His smile was shaky, "Thanks."
"Anyone can be shitty. And anyone can be good." She gave his arm a light punch, not strong enough to hurt. He didn't so much as flinch. "You make a great brother, and you'd make a great dad. Don't sell yourself short."
The corner of his mouth pulled upward in a half-smile. "What about a great uncle?"
Miyuki beamed at him. "The greatest, I just know it."
He wiped at his eyes once more and cleared his throat. "Where is she now?"
"She went with Mom to the store," Miyuki answered simply.
"And then she'll spend the weekend with me and Eiji?"
Miyuki gave him a small shove. "Why are you asking like you don't already know?"
He shook his head, blond hair falling across his face. "I'm just nervous."
"Don't be. She's so excited! She told me that Eiji said she could decorate the upstairs guest room this weekend since she'll probably be staying with you guys from time to time."
Ash nodded, "So he told me."
Miyuki crossed her arms in pretend anger. "I'm a little jealous. You guys just let me decorate it and now it's already being redone."
"Well, you're not the baby anymore, are you?" He teased.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah, yeah. But still, I—"
"I'm glad you're staying in town for university," he said, cutting her off, his words gentle.
Miyuki's expression turned soft. "I'd get homesick, I know it."
"I think it will be very good for Akira to have you here."
"Mmm, I think you're right."
There was teasing in his eyes. "Of course I am. I'm always right."
[Aki-chan let me pick out a treat!] Akira squealed excitedly as she ran up the driveway to Ash and Miyuki who were sitting on the porch step. In her hand was a grocery bag stuffed with a variety of snacks.
Miyuki grinned from ear to ear as Akira made her way to them. [Let's see, let's see!]
Akira stopped before them and shifted the bag in her arms. Her hand dove into the bag and pulled out a glass bottle. [Look! Mango soda! I've never had this!] She placed it on the ground and plunged her hand back into the bag. The soda wobbled on the uneven surface of the concrete.
Ash's pale arm snaked away from his body, and his hand seized the glass bottle lest it topple and shatter.
Akira didn't so much as notice. She pulled out two bags of candy. [These ones are for me] she said, tightly gripping a pink and red bag filled with strawberry mochi candies. [And I got this for Ei-chan.] In her other hand, pinned between her fingers and the grocery bag, she held another bag of candies, this one was filled with mango-flavored hard candies. [He likes these] Akira added thoughtfully.
Miyuki smiled wider. [Those are his favorite! How did you know?]
Behind Akira, Aki smiled and pointed to herself.
[Aki-chan told me] Akira said. She moved to adjust her grip, now pinning her bag of candy under her chin. She reached into the bag and pulled out a third treat. She shoved it toward Ash. [These are for you!]
Ash accepted a slightly melted bar of Hershey's chocolate, turning it over in his hands.
"American candy for the American," Aki said humorously from over Akira's shoulder.
His eyes narrowed at her. "That's such bullshit, Mom. I want a fun Japanese candy too," Ash teased.
"Language, Ashu."
Akira stomped her foot, causing them all to look at her. [No English!] She pouted.
[What, you don't have her fluent by now, Miyuki?] Ash teased further.
Miyuki smiled. [She's had two lessons, Ash.]
[Still… if you're as good as you say you are…]
Miyuki slapped his shoulder. [Oh, shut it. You learned quickly enough!]
Ash smiled, voice turning into something floating and melodious. He flipped the ends of his hair. [Yeah, well, I'm a genius. For all I know, my brain did most of the work.]
Miyuki turned red, shoving him good-naturedly. [You're such a— a jerk!] Miyuki said, refraining from cursing in front of her new sister.
Akira's eyes darted between Miyuki and Ash. Her dissatisfaction faded as she realized their fighting was nothing more than teasing.
Ash gave Miyuki a shove back and then turned toward Akira. [Anyway, I was saying Mom should have got me a fun Japanese candy too. The American has had his fill of Hershey's for one lifetime.]
A small smile grew on Akira's face. [You can trade Eiji and he won't know.]
Ash smiled back. [I like the way you think, kid.]
[Ahem] Miyuki cleared her throat. [Did you get me a treat too?]
[Oh!] Akira reached into her bag for a final time and retrieved the last bag of candy. For Miyuki, she picked out peach gummy bears in a pink bag with a picture of Kirby on the front. [Here] Akira said with a smile.
Miyuki accepted them and immediately tore into them. She popped a bear into her mouth. [Thanks, Akira!]
Ash slapped his knees and stood. He towered over Akira, suddenly feeling much too tall. [Well, should we hit the road?] He said in a voice far more casual than how he felt inside.
Akira nodded excitedly. [Let me grab my bag!] She pushed past Ash and Miyuki and darted into the house, slamming the front door behind her.
Worry crept back onto Ash's face the second she was gone.
"You will do great, Ashu," Aki said, reading his mind.
He chewed the inside of his mouth, nervously. "I hope you're right."
The following day was beyond hot. Humidity was at a whopping eighty-three percent. Directly overhead, the afternoon sun shone with enough intensity to fry an egg. The top of Eiji's hair burned in the summer sun. In the yard, he and Akira struggled to assemble a hammock stand. On a cooler day, it would have surely been a much easier task, but as it was, his brain was fried.
Eiji wiped the sweat from his forehead with the shoulder of his shirt. His head tipped toward the sun, eyes closing against the rays. [It's too hot for this] he whined.
[No, it's not] Akira replied happily. She crawled around in the grass looking for a part she had dropped. [I really can't find it anywhere, Ei-chan!]
Eiji groaned. [It has to be around here somewhere.]
[Help me look!] She shouted at him.
He made another sound of disapproval before helping her search. After a mere thirty seconds, he looked up, meeting Ash's eyes. "You could help us, ya know!"
Ash watched them from the shade of the engawa, sipping a glass of lemon water. [It is not my fault you ordered the wrong type of hammock] he replied with a smirk.
Eiji rolled his eyes and returned searching for the lost part. It was true, he had accidentally purchased a hammock with a stand rather than one that could hang between two trees. The mulch and rocks beneath the trees in their garden made for an uneven work surface, so they sat, in the full sun assembling the metal frame. It would have been a simple task if Ash had lent a hand, but assembling the piece with the help of a seven-year-old proved more difficult. Ash had blamed his fair skin as the reason he was unfit for such a task.
Ash watched from the comfort, though it was still quite hot, of the shade. Buddy lay beside him, panting in the heat. He let them search for a few more minutes before wandering toward them. Buddy did not follow him, for even the dog was smart enough to stay in the shade on such a hot day. As Ash crossed the lawn, even the grass felt hot under his bare feet, though not uncomfortably so. He towered over them, creating shade where Akira sat. Eiji looked up at him, hand shielding his eyes from the sun.
[Finally.]
Ash examined the scene before him. The frame was now completely assembled save the final hook on which one end of the hammock would fasten. Akira and Eiji had both hands in the grass, desperately searching for the small metal object. Around them was the hammock's packaging and the hammock itself. It was brightly colored, with a stripey pattern of shades of green, orange, and blue. Ash thought it was an ugly thing, but didn't say as much.
[Have you already checked inside the box?] Ash asked, staring down at them with his arms crossed.
Eiji rolled his eyes. [Yes, of course, we checked inside the box.]
[Hmm.] Ash reached down and grabbed the box anyway. As he pulled it toward himself, he could hear the sound of something rolling around inside. He smiled. He reached into the box and pulled out the hook they'd been looking all over for. [This?]
Akira's face lit up in delight. She clapped her hands together in excitement. [Yay, Ash! You found it!]
He smiled and handed it to her. In his periphery, he could see Eiji staring at him in disdain.
[We did check there.]
Ash smirked. [Clearly not well enough.]
Eiji fell back into the grass.
[Hold that end] Ash told Akira.
Together, they stretched the fabric and fastened each end to the frame. When they finished, Akira clapped and cheered.
Ash smiled at her. [I can tell you've been spending a lot of time with Mi-chan] he teased.
Akira's head tilted in confusion. [Huh?]
[He's being mean] Eiji said from the grass. He had rolled over to protect himself from the sun, and now his face was turned so that half of it was pressed into the grass.
[I am not.]
[Are too.]
Akira stomped her foot [Whaat?].
Ash laughed aloud. [See?]
[Whaaaat?] Akira whined.
[Miyuki is...enthusiastic] Ash told her.
[And loud] Eiji added.
Ash squatted down beside her. [She's full of life] Ash explained. [And she's rubbing off on you. Stomping, clapping, shouting— those are all things Miyuki would do. But it's not a bad thing.]
A small smile spread over Akira's face. [She is loud] she decided, stifling a laugh.
[So loud] Eiji agreed from the ground.
[The loudest] Ash added humorously. [Now] he stood and dusted off his knees. [Why don't you try this thing out.]
She jumped up and attacked the hammock, feet kicking and arms flailing. She managed, although just barely, to get inside without flipping it. It cocooned her in fabric and she disappeared from sight.
[Impressive] Ash laughed.
Akira stuck just her head out from the fabric. [It's hot in here] she said.
[It's hot out here too] Eiji complained.
[Ei-chan needs a pool] she observed. [Miyuki says your yard is big enough for a pool] Akira added.
Ash laughed bitterly, [Oh, she's told me.] He held out his forearm and inspected it. [I have to sit in the shade. I'll fry out here.] His eyes darted toward Eiji. [Did you have her put on sunscreen?]
Eiji's eyes opened momentarily before closing again against the harsh sun. [Of course.]
Momentarily, Ash joined Eiji in the grass. He lay on his stomach facing Eiji. "Are you alright?" Ash asked softly. "You're kinda cranky."
Eiji's eyes opened. "I'm exhausted. She has so much energy and the heat's not helping."
"Did you get much sleep last night?" Ash asked.
Eiji's eyes focused on the blades of grass before him. "She has dreams, Ash. Bad dreams."
Ash nodded, his blond hair tangling with the grass. "Miyuki warned me about that."
"I wish you would have warned me too."
"I didn't want to worry you for nothing. I was hoping she wouldn't have one here."
"I figured. Still, you should have said something."
"What does she dream about?"
"I didn't ask. And her dreams aren't loud like yours. She woke me up." Eiji outstretched a hand and shook Ash's shoulders to demonstrate how the small child had awoken him in the middle of the night. "But otherwise, I would have slept through it."
Ash nodded in understanding. "Ask her next time."
"I'm scared of what she'll say."
For a moment, Ash said nothing. He too had the same worries. "We're the adults, we have to be brave for her."
Eiji nodded. "I know, you're right. I just… she's a kid, I have no idea how to talk about such heavy things with her."
Ash rolled over. His eyes closed against the sun. "Wake me next time. I can talk to her." Then Ash sat. "Miyuki's teaching her English. We won't be able to have these secret conversations for very long."
Miyuki sat up in the hammock, her ears picking out the two words she was able to understand. [Are you talking about me?!]
Ash cringed. "I'm an idiot."
[Hey!]
Eiji pushed himself up off the ground. He walked over to the hammock. [Scoot over] he told Akira. She moved as best she could, though the fabric was slippery, and moving did little good. Still, Eiji managed to lay in the hammock beside her. [I was telling Ash you have bad dreams.]
She flopped on her back beside him. The fabric closed above them so only a sliver of the sky was visible. [Oh.]
[He has bad dreams all the time.]
[Oh] she repeated.
[So, you can talk to him about it. Or me. If you want. But that's up to you. We won't pry.]
In lieu of a response, she simply rolled on her side and wrapped both her arms around one of his. [Can we go inside? It's too hot out here.]
Eiji patted her head. [I would love to go inside] he said with a smile.
Weeks passed and life went on. Akira continued living with the Okumuras. She fell into a nice daily routine with them and, in turn, grew more comfortable. She woke every morning and helped Aki prepare breakfast before running off to school. She walked to school and Aki joined her when she didn't have work. On days she worked, Akira walked by herself. However, within the first month, she learned her classmate Nobu, a reserved but kind boy with short hair and glasses, lived only a few minutes walk from the Okumuras. They walked together most days and had quickly become good friends.
Most weeks, Akira spent Friday nights with Ash and Eiji. Some weeks, this entailed dinner at the Okumuras, and some weeks, Eiji or Ash would pick her up after school and she would go to their house. They had turned the upstairs guest room into her room. They let her select all of the colors and decorations and she had truly made the space her own. Her nightmares continued, though they had improved quite a bit. Aki had enrolled her in weekly therapy and the difference was already noticeable. At times, she would request Eiji stay with her until she fell asleep, but generally, she was comfortable on her own.
By winter, Akira and Miyuki were an inseparable pair. Though Miyuki was busy with schoolwork, she always made time for her new sister. They palled around together, whether it be running errands, doing chores, or going on outings in town.
Akira was a quick learner, and English came easily. Miyuki decided early on that Akira would learn faster in an immersive setting, so she only spoke English to her whenever they went out. At home, they spoke Japanese. That had been Ash's idea. He had said she should feel comfortable, relaxed, and safe at home. So Japanese it was. However, as her English vocabulary expanded, she tended to sprinkle English words and phrases into her everyday speech. Miyuki had said this was a true sign of her ability.
Long gone were the days of Ash cursing in English to preserve her innocence. She quickly learned curse words and could easily identify them when Ash tried to say them slyly to Eiji. She no longer became upset when Ash or Eiji would speak to one another in English, either as habit or to conceal something from her. Now, she saw it as a challenge, a puzzle for her to decode. Occasionally, when she couldn't decipher it herself, she'd write down a phrase and bring it to Miyuki to translate later. She often did this with unfamiliar idioms or slang. Though she was quickly learning those as well, after all, Ash used such phrases often.
Life was good. Aki and Shun had never imagined raising another child, yet they welcomed Akira with open arms. Similarly, Miyuki never imagined she'd have a younger sibling, let alone a sister. Sure she'd accepted her since day one, but now their bond was stronger than ever. The Okumuras couldn't imagine life without the sweet girl.
And of course, then there was Ash and Eiji. Akira was the closest they would get to having a child, unless, of course, Japan updated its adoption laws. For now, it was enough.
[Goodnight] Eiji said before turning off the bedroom light and closing the door. He walked down the hall, Buddy ever on his heels, and joined Ash in their bedroom. He climbed into bed beside him.
"That was fast," Ash remarked. "Is she already asleep?"
Eiji shook his head. "She said she could fall asleep on her own. It's like Miyuki said, her dreams are a lot better since she's been in therapy."
Ash nodded but said nothing. He was suddenly aware of just how different Akira's life could have turned out, had no one intervened. He felt his eyes begin to prickle with tears. "You saved another one," he said.
Eiji shifted beside Ash, propping himself up on one arm. "Huh?"
"You saved me and now you— well you and your family— have saved Akira." Ash rolled onto his side and looked into Eiji's eyes. "Had you not come to America, I'd certainly be dead by now. No doubt about it. And her? Who's to say what would have happened to her if she had stayed in that house with those," his face soured, "awful parents of hers."
Eiji made a sound of disapproval. "I hate it when you say shit like that."
Ash glared at him, he knew where this conversation was going.
"I know your life changed after I came to America, but you're the one who did all of the hard work to heal. You did that." A small smile ran across his face. "All I did was fall in love with you."
Ash rolled his eyes. "As if that's insignificant."
"I didn't say it was. But it wasn't hard." He looked deep into Ash's eyes and smiled. "It was the easiest thing I've ever done."
Again, Ash rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."
"But for you, healing was— I think this is fair to say— one of the hardest things you've ever done."
"I didn't ever dream it was possible for someone to love me, Eiji. You know that."
Eiji hummed in thought. "Yes, but that just means it was harder for you to accept. Again, you had to put in more work. Your thoughts didn't make it any harder for me to fall for you." Eiji reached out and gently ran his fingers through Ash's hair. "Besides, you've helped Akira just as much as the rest of us— arguably more. You never give yourself enough credit." He ran his fingers down Ash's face and neck, not stopping until they came to rest over the ribs he had once broken for her benefit.
"Oh, alright," Ash replied softly. "Still, I'm happy it's turned out this way."
Eiji leaned forward, hovering his lips just above Ash's. "I am too." He closed the distance, pressing a sweet kiss to Ash's lips. "I love you, my Ash."
Ash smiled against Eiji's mouth. "My?"
Eiji kissed him again, trying, and failing, not to smile. "Mmm, yes, I think so."
Ash shifted his weight, pressing Eiji into the mattress. He kissed along Eiji's jawline. "Oh, so you think you own me?" He asked, teasingly. He nipped Eiji's earlobe.
"Ahh," Eiji ran his hands over Ash's shoulders. "No, no, but—"
Ash's lips moved to Eiji's neck, causing him to lose his words momentarily.
"Yes?" Ash teased.
"But I love you, you love me— we belong to each other."
Ash pulled back, eyes meeting Eiji's.
"Simple as that," Eiji added.
Ash smiled and kissed Eiji. "Simple as that."