The taste of warmth lingered on my lips.

My breath was ragged, my chest rising and falling in sharp, shallow gasps. My entire body felt weightless like I was floating in some feverish, half-conscious daze.

Until reality crashed back into me.

My eyes widened.

What… what had I just done?

The chaos in my head, the twisting, spiraling, endless void that had swallowed me whole—it was still there, still pressing against the edges of my sanity. But now, something else had crept in. Something colder, sharper, clearer—

Realization.

A trembling shudder wracked through my body as I finally processed it.

I had kissed him.

I had forced myself on him.

The blood drained from my face, horror gripping my chest like icy fingers. My own mind recoiled, rejecting the memory, the feeling, the way my body had moved without thinking.

The way I had lost control.

A sickening, gut-wrenching shame clawed its way up my throat.

How could I do something like that?

My lips trembled, opening and closing as I tried—desperately tried—to find words, to fix this, to erase what had just happened, but my voice was failing me.

"I—" My throat tightened. "I-I didn't—"

It didn't matter.

I needed to get out of here.

I needed to leave.

The moment the thought formed, my body moved before I could think—my hands pushed against his chest, my legs stumbled backward, and I turned—

But then—

Something stopped me.

A hand.

His hand.

Still tightly wrapped around my wrist.

I flinched, breath catching as I froze in place.

I pulled, instinctively trying to break free—but his grip was unmovable.

Cold. Firm. Unyielding.

Like steel wrapped around my skin.

I couldn't move.

Why—why couldn't I move?!

I struggled again, twisting my wrist, trying to pry his fingers off, but the difference in strength was too much—I might as well have been fighting against an iron shackle.

I was trapped.

A helpless, shuddering breath left me as panic seized my body.

"Let—" My voice cracked. "L-Let go—"

My legs felt like they were collapsing underneath me, the weight of everything pressing down so hard I thought I might crumble right here, right now—

But he didn't let go.

He didn't say anything.

He just held me in place.

W-Why…?

My head was spinning. My mind was shattering. My body was trembling so violently that I thought it might break apart entirely.

From the moment this started, from the moment my emotions had spiraled out of control.

When did I become this weak?

Why…?

Why does he always do this?

Why does he always wait with his words? Why does he always look at me like that—like he's seeing through everything like I'm nothing but a puzzle he's already solved?

That gaze.

That unreadable, infinite darkness in his eyes.

Every time he looks at me like that, I feel like I'm melting.

Like I'm disappearing.

Like I was never solid to begin with.

I swallowed, my throat tightening as my lips parted, the words barely forming past the tremble in my voice.

"W-why do you still…?"

The question barely left my lips but I didn't even know what I was asking anymore.

Why was he still here?

Why was he still holding onto me?

Why was he still looking at me like that?

For a moment, silence stretched between us.

Then, finally—

ㅤ

"You're too honest, Horikita."

ㅤ

There was something else there. A quiet understanding. A certainty that left me feeling completely exposed.

"Your emotions overwhelmed you," he continued, his tone calm, methodical, undeniably logical. "You couldn't put them into words, so your body acted on its own."

My mind froze.

"You kissed me to express what you couldn't say."

I knew he was right.

Even if it had been reckless. Even if I had forced myself on him.

Even if it had been wrong.

It had been my truth.

It had been the only way I could reach him at that moment.

My fingers curled into a weak fist, my body trembling against the weight of that realization.

And yet...

His words make it feel less terrifying.

His eyes, dark and unreadable, watched me with that same unnerving patience, dissecting me, understanding me better than I understood myself.

"Just like back then," he said. "When you told me about the game, you couldn't stop yourself from making sure someone else heard you."

I sucked in a sharp breath.

He was right.

Again.

I always ended up exposing myself.

And now,

Even after what I had done.

Even after I forced myself on him.

I still felt guilt, choking me like a vice, refusing to let me breathe.

My head lowered, my voice barely more than a whisper.

"D-do you… f-forgive me…?"

The words trembled out of me, fragile and broken, something in me daring to hope—daring to believe that maybe, maybe—

"I should have expected this from you."

I blinked through tears.

"Though it seems I'm not as skilled at reading people as I thought."

"Or maybe," he added, tilting his head ever so slightly, "you're just more unpredictable than I assumed."

I was unable to look away.

"Regardless," his voice reassuring me, "I don't hold it against you."

It felt just a little lighter.

The words tumbled out before I could stop them, spilling over like water slipping through trembling hands.

"T-then... c-can we still cook together like before…?" My voice cracked, but I pushed through, gasping for air, for stability.

"Or—or go out somewhere… just us?"

My chest tightened.

"I'll show you the games I play at the arcade." My lips curled into something shaky, something uncertain. "W-we can play something together."

I didn't know what I was saying anymore.

I just wanted him to stay.

Even if my feelings had already crossed a line.

Even if I could keep them buried for the rest of my life.

As long as he remained.

A constant. A presence. A friend.

I could live with that.

So I waited.

He didn't answer right away.

Seconds stretched, slow, and suffocating.

I waited.

And waited.

And he still didn't say a word.

His silence stretched on, heavy and unrelenting, wrapping around me like chains.

I shifted hurriedly, my throat tightening.

"D-don't stare at me like that…!" The words slipped out, stumbling over themselves, but I couldn't bear the way his unreadable eyes pinned me in place.

Still, he didn't look away.

"I don't think we can be friends, Horikita."

The air was sucked from my lungs.

It was a clean cut, precise and absolute, slicing through my fragile sense of hope.

But before I could even process it. Before I could react—

"Not after what you just did."

The breath I'd been holding escaped in a quiet, uneven gasp.

I stared at him, words failing me, hands trembling at my sides.

"Do you really think what you just did stays within the boundaries of friendship?"

I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

My lips trembled, thoughts spiraling, emotions clawing at my chest.

And then—before I could stop myself—

"Y-you started this!" My voice came out higher than I intended, breaking under the weight of everything. "You're the one who always kept me close—you're the one who—who—"

I sucked in a sharp breath, my face burning.

"You kept me so close!"

"T-touching me like that, holding onto me like—like I was something important—!"

My heart pounded so hard., suffocating me, but I couldn't stop.

"T-That's not normal. The w-way you treat me—it's not normal...!"

"You… you made me think you were just a normal boy," I choked out, my voice raw, unsteady. "You t-tricked me." My hands curled into fists at my sides. "You lied to me. Constantly."

I wasn't even thinking about where we were anymore.

I didn't care if someone overheard.

"Y-You made me want to be closer to you..."

The words burned.

It was humiliating—sitting here, on his lap, exposed, shaking under the weight of all these emotions.

I wanted to stop. I needed to stop.

But I didn't

"You made me act like an i-idiot," I spat, my breath uneven, my hands trembling. "Like a complete fool."

"Because of y-you—" my voice cracked, my breath unsteady, "because of you, every time I saw you, it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest!"

The words poured out before I could stop them. Everything. Every humiliating, ridiculous thing he had made me feel.

"Because of you, I read absurd d-dating articles!" I clenched my fists, heat rushing to my face. "I-I caught myself smiling like an idiot—giggling to myself like—l-like—"

"I couldn't even sleep!"

I hated this. I hated how weak I sounded. How completely powerless I felt.

"I asked for advice—from the most ridiculous people! I did things I would n-never do!"

I sucked in a shaky breath, my whole body quivering.

"I wasted over half of my Private Points just to buy clothes—" my voice cracked again, "clothes I thought would impress you!"

I buried my face in his chest, my fingers digging into his skin.

"I agreed to Ryuen's challenge—" I whispered, my throat tight, "I let myself get h-humiliated, right in front of so many people… and now I'm afraid to even show my face in school."

Tears burned at the edges of my vision, but I refused to let them fall.

"And you—" I looked up at him, my chest heaving, "you told me you b-believed in me, just so you could mess with my head even more."

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.

And the worst part? The part that made my stomach churn and my cheeks burn in shame.

No matter how much I wanted to—no matter how much I screamed at myself to resent him, to push him away—

I couldn't.

Because he had been the only one.

The only one who had ever pulled me in like this. The only one who had ever made me feel anything this intensely.

"In the end, you still can't bring yourself to hate me, can you?"

His voice cut through the silence, smooth and deliberate.

My eyes widened.

"Just like I said before—" his voice dipped lower, sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. "You really are beautiful, Horikita."

I hated how that one sentence—those simple words—made everything else vanish.

The anger, the frustration, the humiliation—gone, like they had never existed.

I hated him.

No—I hated how easily he could do this to me.

"F-Fake flattery won't work on me!" I spat, my voice barely holding together.

He tilted his head slightly, unimpressed, "Is that so?"

And then—

Before I could breathe—

He pulled me in.

"W-Wha—?!" I barely choked out a sound, a sharp squeak escaping my throat as his hands gripped my waist, bringing me so close—too close.

I froze.

My heart stopped.

Our faces were inches apart. No—closer.

I could feel his breath ghosting against my lips, warm and steady, his eyes locked onto mine with an unreadable expression.

"W-What are you—?!" My voice came out as a stuttered mess, my body stiffening against his.

I could barely think.

I could barely breathe.

"I said we couldn't be friends anymore," he murmured, not letting me move.

My hands gripping his shirt for support, my mind spiraling—

"But," he continued, voice dark and commanding, "I'll still be your support character."

"A-...A-Ayanokouji…?"

My heart pounded so loudly, I swore he could hear it.

"Is that okay with you?"

My breath came in short, uneven gasps.

His face was so close.

"W-Why…" My voice was barely a whisper, cracking as I struggled to even think. "W-Why are you asking me that… w-when we're already this close…?"

I swallowed hard, heat crawling up my neck, spreading, consuming.

"I-Idiot…!"

Ayanokouji's gaze didn't waver. His grip didn't loosen. If anything—he pulled me in closer.

And just like that—

I gave in.

My body melted into his as his lips clashed against mine.

I barely had time to gasp before he was everywhere—his warmth, his touch, the way his hands held me.

It was so much.

It was nothing like the innocent daydreams I had secretly indulged in—the fleeting thoughts I buried deep whenever I caught myself staring at him for too long.

This—this was raw. Overwhelming.

His lips moved against mine with a slow, deliberate intensity, like he was destroying me on purpose.

And it was working.

My knees felt weak, my chest tight, my whole body trembling from the sheer force of feeling.

I was drowning in him, in this.

I had never felt something like this before.

I had never let someone take this much of me before.

A quiet, helpless sound slipped from my throat—humiliatingly soft, completely out of my control.

I hated how easy it was for him.

How effortlessly he broke me down.

And yet—I didn't pull away.

His grip on my waist tightened, fingers pressing into me—not rough, but firm like he had no intention of letting go. The heat of his palms burned through the fabric of my clothes, branding me.

His lips moved slowly, deliberately, driving me insane. It wasn't just a kiss—it was an unraveling. A calculated, merciless act of destruction, and I was falling apart in his hands.

My body pressed against his, drawn in like I had no control over myself anymore. Every shift, every accidental brush of fabric and skin sent shivers down my spine.

His hands moved, slipping from my waist, tracing along my back—slow, teasing. He wasn't rushing. He didn't need to. Every touch, every lingering press of his fingers made me feel like I was losing myself to him.

I gasped against his lips when his hand slid higher, skimming the curve of my shoulder, then lower, settling just above my hip, holding me there.

Keeping me close.

In s-such a place.

S-Something like this.

And I let him.

Because I was burning.

Because I was weak.

Because, deep down, I knew—he could do anything he wanted to me, and I would let him.

His lips pulled away just slightly, his breath fanning against my skin. But he didn't move far.

He was still there.

Still too close.

My chest heaved, my lips tingling, my whole body so warm and trembling in his grasp.

I felt ruined.

And yet—he still wasn't done.

His lips finally pulled away, and I sucked in a sharp breath—dazed, trembling, completely undone.

His hands loosened around me, just enough for me to feel the absence of his warmth, but not enough to let me go.

I stared at him, my chest rising and falling rapidly, my entire body still buzzing from his touch.

And his eyes—dark, unreadable, endless.

I couldn't look away.

I didn't want to.

I felt like I was sinking into them, drowning, losing any sense of reality beyond him.

Ayanokouji tilted his head slightly.

"Was that enough?"

I opened my mouth—nothing came out.

My mind was still spinning, my heart pounding so hard it ached.

"I—" My voice cracked, my breath stuttering. "N-No—! I m-mean, yes! I mean—"

I wanted to die.

I barely had time to process it before his hand slid back up, cupping the side of my face, and tilting my chin up.

And then—

His lips crashed into mine again.

This time, I didn't even pretend to fight it.

I surrendered.