TAZ POV
I had spoken to her. But now she was even more present than she already was. Now I knew that she had moved on. She was married. I was at the gym. I was beating the punching bag in front of me. The air was getting thin. I had already gone running this morning. I'd trained with the Stunt people and now this. At first I thought it would be good to know how she was doing. To talk to her, to see her again. But it tore me apart. Knowing that Jeff now had what I wanted. He was so lucky and I hope he appreciated it. I could feel my muscles slackening. I went home because the Day was already over and night had fallen. I tried to sleep and would go to the Pharmacy in the morning to get some bandages. Again, I wasn't going to get much sleep. She visited me again. So I got up early, went for a run and stopped at the Pharmacy.
There I met Jeff. But when I saw what he was holding in his hand, I wanted to run away. It was a pregnancy test. I pretended to be happy, but I only felt more torn and ran back to the Gym. There I put on the bandages and hit the punching bag again. I could feel the Tears streaming down my face. I could feel the Air getting thin and I started to sob. My knees gave way and my face sank into my hands. Was she really pregnant by him? Would they really start the family I always wanted to have with her? I tried to catch my breath, but it was so difficult.
After a while I came back to myself and realised that I had to get ready too. So I took an ice-cold shower and tried to put on my happy face. It was particularly difficult today. Knowing that it could be me was getting me down. Emily realised that something was wrong and took me to one side. „Hey, what's wrong?" I looked at her. „Nothing." She shook her head. „You've been crying. I can see that. Talk to me Taz." „She might be pregnant okay?" She looked at me in surprise and could guess how upset I was. She took me in her arms. She didn't say anything else and just hugged me. She knew that no words could help me now. She also knew that I knew that she was there when I wanted to talk. But right now I really didn't want to. I wanted to shoot my scenes for today and go home. Nothing more and nothing less. I really just needed time for myself today. I had to deal with it first.
But then I saw the two of them and then came the certainty. She really was pregnant. I smiled again and was happy for her. But everything inside me shattered. It tore apart. I was empty. On the outside, I was happy, but inside me it was different. Completely different. I was pleased that she was happy. It did somehow. But if I had only talked to her back then, if I had gone with her, then I would be the Man at her side now. It would be our child that she was carrying there. I felt my heart breaking even more and so I walked away from her and went to the cloakroom. I couldn't see her just then.
I felt someone following me and I could guess who. Emily. I was pulled to the side. „Are you sure you want to shoot today?" I nodded dully. „I have to do something or I'll just go crazy." She nodded. „I can understand that. Do you want to do something later?" I shook my head just as bluntly. „No. I can't, I just can't." „Okay. But if you do want to do something, just get in touch." I nodded and then went inside. It was nice that she cared so much. It was a hard time right now.
It wasn't the same after Emma left. I wasn't the same anymore. My laughter wasn't real most of the time. I was functioning. But I was definitely not the Tarek I was before. I lost some friends who thought I had gone crazy. But I didn't care. Because the ones who stayed, helped me. I'm grateful for that. They tried to understand why I had become like this. They thought it was good that I at least tried to move on and didn't just stand still. That I worked on myself. On my career. I worked on myself on the outside, but deep down inside, nothing has changed. Deep down, I still love her just like I did back then. That's not going to change any time soon. If she needs me, I'll be there. Even if she loves someone else now. She knows that very well. She can always call me. I'll always be there. I don't know how well Jeff knows her, but I know that I know her incredibly well and I would almost say that I know her best. The longest anyway. Nobody can take away the connection we once had. We always told each other everything. Always talked about everything. Except for one time and that was our undoing. We never argued, no matter what. Of course there were discussions, but we always managed to resolve everything harmoniously.
I still can't believe it, I really should have talked to her. I should have asked her. But this one time I didn't. I hoped she would ask me. What I think about it. But she thought so too. We were both afraid to start this conversation and it was the end of us. The silence sealed our end. Just the thought of it. I don't even want to think about it. I should have just talked about it. But I didn't. I kept quiet like she did. Until the day I found her letter. The letter in which she wrote that she was going to the USA. Without me. I would have gone with her. Immediately. Without even hesitating. But I would have liked to talk to her first. But we didn't. And so she left. Without me. She left and took my heart with her. If I had known that, so many things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn't be here now and I wouldn't be as successful, but I wouldn't care. I would be with the love of my life. I would be happy. There is nothing more important in the World than being happy. At least not if i'm right. Because no money in the World can make you as happy as the right Person by your side, I once learnt. So I might have a lot of money, but I'll never have the Person by my side who fills the Hole in my Heart. You should never underestimate love. I never have. I will always be there for Emma. So at least I still have the Person I love the most in my life. Or again. And if Jeff ever does anything to her, I'll be there.