Chapter 26: Rebirth

Night blurs into night. Numbers blur into numbers. The ultimate puzzle. A vast network. Some kind of payment system. A riddle they thought no one would ever solve. I went through every year. Night after night, I go back to Gotham Mountain Security. As Max's fire dies, mine stubbornly clings for the truth. I'm starting to feel alone again. Then I think maybe he is guiding me. All those fronts paying into Renewal but why?!

"Edward?"

Max's voice said it louder, catching Edward's startling attention. He blinked a bit surprised. "Huh?" It fluttered out in a whimper.

"Are you okay?" She asked, taking his shoulder, "You were gone for a second, there."

He tried to recall. He realized he was probably vacant for a moment too long. For Max, that was enough time to flood in worry. Despite her want to put it under the looking glass and get to the bottom of Edward's disillusioned state, she was becoming used to it. It was the kind of thing to happen too frequently with Edward. Max asked, "We… going to do this?"

"Yup," he said back quickly. "Let's do it."

They left the busy ambiance of Gotham's traffic behind the doors of a rescue. Located in Upper West. A sure contrast to the gloom of New Beginnings. There would be no spying. No intel recovery. No antics. The reason they came was for something far different. For Edward, he was letting Max take the wheel inside.

Dogs yipping and whining at the crates were well cared for, well groomed, and delightfully excited to see the two walk up the hall. Max asked over the ruckus, "So? Any favourites?"

"Uh," stammered Edward, "Not really. I'm alright with whatever you want."

"No. You get a say. We both do."

"I don't know. Whatever you pick, I'll agree."

"Edward." Max moaned, "I thought you said you wanted this?"

"I didn't say I 'wanted' it. You brought it up, and I agreed. I'm agreeable. Just… hurry up."

"I'm not adopting a dog by myself. This will be our dog. We'll love our dog, because we chose him. Together. So least you can do is weigh in. Do you not want to?"

Edward exasperated, "No. I mean… I want what you want. If this makes you happy, then I'm happy. Just… pick. What about that one?" He lazily pointed to an Australian Shepherd.

"You wanna vacuum the apartment every second?"

Edward sighed and pointed to an aggressive German Shepherd. "That one?"

Max glared down the gnashing fangs and ear-splitting bark of the hound and declined, "That thing would eat the neighbour's poodle. Or me. Probably me. We live in an apartment. Dogs like that need a yard or a farm."

"Well, I don't know, Max."

"You're not even trying…" whined Max. "This was supposed to be fun, you know."

"I'm sorry, I'm just…" Edward rubbed his palm down his face. "I'm just… not in the mood right now. Yeah, we talked about it but… I got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, I know. You haven't been sleeping because of it."

"You've said this."

"And it's draining the life from you making you cranky and distant all day, it's hard enough getting anything from you. When are you going to let this go?"

Edward clapped back, "You were the one who wanted justice and answers, too. Remember? Where is the whole 'thrill-seeking' spiel? Didn't last long."

"Yeah, because I know my limits and I know when it's a lost cause."

"I'd think after the trial you'd believe differently."

"Well I thought you wanted to start our next chapter. Not continue with this Gotham Mountain Security horseshit."

Edward hissed a shush and said, "Can we maybe talk about this at home?"

"Why?" Max shrugged angrily, "Might as well get our future pet used to arguing, it's all we do at home lately."

"Max…" sighed Edward, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Please… I'm just exhausted. You want to pick a dog, please just pick the dog so we can go home."

Max made a groan before walking back out the rescue, an anger in her jaunt. Edward could only moan in exasperation. "Max, come on."

Edward stood before the busy canines for a moment, hanging his head. He knew he had to follow her. Even the concept of making things right was exhausting. He did so, anyway. Max brooded in the car, not able to make eye contact as he came up to the passenger seat. Every step to the vehicle was the gruelling preparation for another row they had many times in the months after Celeste's trial. Months of no answers. Months in helpless frustration. Each week driving him into a rut that Max would try to pull him from. Leading to the same debate, everytime. That debate he loathed and ran from at every mention.

She did not pause when he folded inside the car. "This is too much. You're sabotaging yourself."

"Max…" Edward sighed in defeat.

"You know I'm going to say it again. You know it would be amazing for us. If we can't make a good life here, then why not?"

"Please."

"Omaha. We both hate it here, so why are we here?"

And there it was. The hooks being pulled again. Edward closed his eyes and let her spill the same words like a song that had lost its charm. Moving. Leaving Gotham for good. Leaving the cesspool of Gotham's corruption and the people to their fate. Giving up, in Edward's words. Neither felt safe in Gotham any longer. Neither could stand in the knowing of Joon. But unlike Max, Edward was not ready to give up the puzzle.

"I'm not saying I'm against it," said Edward softly, a contrast to Max's tone. "I just need to figure this out, and of course, of course, I want to leave. We leave now, we're leaving others like Joon to the same end. Like Ana, his daughter? Or your old boss."

"It's just too fucking big, Edward. We found out what we did and even that put our lives at risk. Cindy told me this was huge, beyond even her own understanding. You know what else she told me? Leave. And we should. Look what this is doing to you – to us! We never fight! This Renewal shit is not more important than you're peace of mind. It's not! After a while, you gotta consider self preservation. You gotta move on."

Edward curdled at the words. Knowing well she was making all the right points. Hearing it against what he needed was far worse. "You make it sound so easy."

"Because it is!" Max snapped, "Just stop! They're hiring a crime editor in Omaha, James has connections with a forensic accounting firm that'll be far kinder to you than KTMJ ever was. We'll be closer to my family who adore you! It won't just be us anymore. You'll have a whole unit of people who love you. The happiest days I've seen you is when we were out of this fucking death trap. This should be no contest! Why… why can't you just…"

Edward asked in a crass but exhausted voice, "Are we driving home? I need to sleep."

Max was dumbfounded at first. Then berated, "Are you fucking kidding me? You're gonna be like this?"

"No, I'm sorry," he sighed in regret, knowing his lack of sleep and frustration was getting the best of him. "I'm just… I don't want to leave, yet. If I leave now, I'm going to regret it. Whatever you think is going to change in Omaha isn't. Not until I figure this out. Please, Max. I love you, that's not going to change. I just need more time."

"You asked for more time in February. It's been three months. You're not the only one tired, Edward. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

Edward startled at that. "What? Do what?"

Max flecked a brow as if he should know. "Live like this! Live in this fucking city. Watch you slowly fade away with everyday getting more obsessed and lost in this, and I'm just existing a few feet from you. Watching it all in 4K completely helpless. I can't. I want to be with you. I love you more than anything. But like I said… I have my limits. And I've been patient."

Without letting him get a word in, she started the car. Edward's sad eyes fell ignored and inward, waiting for Max to say anything else. The point remained cold, growing colder in the silence on their way home. The realization he was soon to lose everything if the puzzle was not solved hit like a punch. The end of everything as he knew it.

A month swept by, bringing May's warmth. The time of year Max would spend outside for a walk or with friends if she wasn't working. The beautiful climate was wasted as she wept on the phone with her mother. Held inside her home too insecure, too bereaved to leave it. Grieving a relationship she feared was nearing its end.

"Honey, every relationship has their rough patches. Everyone goes through this. You love him and you stick by him through this it's only gonna make you both stronger!"

"You don't understand, mom!" Max wept, pacing through her room with the blinds closed. The same pyjama pants and t-shirt she'd been wearing for two days. "He barely even talks to me anymore. He's barely home. I want to connect with him but when I try I feel like he's got this wall I can't break. This wall that never existed before. Suddenly he shuts me out. He used to hate work, now he spends more time there than home! When I call there sometimes, he's not even fucking there!"

"Well, you said he broke his lease at his apartment and moved in with you, what, you think Eddie is cheating?"

"No!" Max mewled, "I just know he's pushing me away. And I've told him how I feel, and after I did he just shut down. Last night he didn't even come to bed, he slept on the couch. I feel like I'm watching my own break up in slow motion. I don't know what I can do to fix this! I don't want it to end! But I know he's already preparing for it. I don't even know him anymore! He's here everyday and I feel like I haven't talked or spent time with him in days!"

"Shh." Yumi soothed on the other end, "Just take a breath, baby girl. It's okay! You and Eddie have been through a lot, okay? Maybe he's going through something he's not ready to talk about yet, but I know that boy loves you. Just let him stew, and you worry about yourself. You've been jobless for a while, you've been under a lot of stress, and you've been trying to find a project after the trial. You're someone who hates standing still, that's for damn sure. From the sounds of things, you may have some cabin fever. You need to go outside, baby doll! Get some sunshine in those cheeks! Eat some fruit and just treat yourself kindly, you'll feel so much better!"

Max forced a deep and shaky breath, just coming down from a hyperventilating weep. Her face swelling from tears and nose making a rattling sniffle. She finally took that moment to soothe, sitting to the end of her bed.

"Thatta girl. It's going to be okay. You're doing everything you can. You're loving the best you can. Do you know what caused this? Eddie has always been head over heels for you, what you think changed? Is this a work thing?"

Max knew exactly what it was. Despite the multiple and gnawing urges to tell her mother everything, she didn't. She couldn't. Instead, she lied. "I don't know, maybe. He has this… account. He's really stressed out about it and he hasn't been himself because of it. Keeps saying once he figures it out he'll move, but it's been months, mom! All it's doing is making things worse."

"Jesus Christ, was he promised a million dollar deal if he does this? What's the big problem?"

"He says he's never walked away from a puzzle unsolved."

"Sounds like he's being a prideful old mule. Or he's using it as an excuse because he don't wanna leave. Either way, you don't need this. That city is bringing you down more than I've seen you in years. Every time I call you, you're upset, baby! That's not okay! And a man who loves you should see that. If he doesn't fix this, then you need to do what's right for you, baby. I love Eddie but I will always love you more and right now, you need an out. I say talk to him again tonight, make him understand. If he doesn't give you an inch, I want you packed and out of there by next week and on you're way home. You hear me, Max? This! This is your home. If he wants to be part of that, he'll make the right choice."

"I don't want to lose him, mom." Max whimpered, holding onto all the memories and love in their relationship like the desperate hold of Mr. Trunks. Feeling the same sense of vulnerability in fear of losing it.

"I know, Max. But you don't want to lose yourself, either."

Nights turn to weeks. Nothing clicking. Nothing coming together. Memories rising. My mind starts to eat me. All my life. All my dreadful life, I've looked for answers. Why? Why me? Why was I born like this? Max's pull to the light is putting me in the middle. Her or this. I know what's best for me, and I keep finding myself back at the riddle again. Her voice ringing in my head. 'Edward, maybe you should stop and get some rest'. But my own voice screams louder. Edward, maybe you should crawl into the black hole inside yourself again.

The phone buzzed on Edward's desk at KTMJ, taking the dark curtains from his consciousness. The cowl of Batman glaring up at him. He'd been staring at it for minutes and minutes unblinking. Trying to conjure up the drive to keep digging. Falling into a helpless loss that was likeness to pulling in the knife being held to his gut. He gazed down to the drawing of the cowl again. I need you, he thought. If anyone could save his life. Save the city. Bring his relationship with Max from the brink, it would be him. All he had to do was figure it out.

He flipped his phone upright to see fresh texts from Max. He had gotten into a rut of not replying. Mostly because he had no idea what he could say. He knew she was sad. He knew it was his doing. Much like an animal retreating into a hole to slowly die and give up, he was waiting for her to leave him. Helpless in his pursuits with the case. Knowing he could not give up either. As he read the texts, the time of imminent end was now.

"Hey. We need to talk when you come home, please."

Months upon weeks and countless hours wasted in Gotham Mountain Security glaring into documents upon documents that started to melt his brain. Hours with no success at work digging for an answer. Nothing conclusive. Nothing to pull him from the pit. Whatever sanctuary he had to retreat was soon to leave. He would be alone.

I do want to leave. Of course I do. God, I do. What a sweet life it could be in Omaha. With Max and the warmth of her family. A job where I could actually excel and have my brain rewarded. Nothing but love and light, a contrast to what I've only had in Gotham. Maybe a wedding and children. An actual life to live in perfect easiness. Yet, I can't. Maybe a life like that is not for me. Maybe I'm meant to lose everything to solve this. Or maybe I'm just too good at punishing myself. Whatever the case is, I've tried to let this go. I can't. I just can't. It's part of me now. It's every stubborn and unrelenting thought I have. Whatever shell of a man she wants in Omaha would be just that. A shell. A nothing. The failure of leaving this cold will devour me. Just like everything in my life. Saying I'm not good enough. Abandoning me when I need help the most.

Edward's memories flooded back to the orphanage. The rejected stamp on the letter burning his blood. The proof that he was never good enough. Born into a life and body undeserving. The air was coming scarce into Edward's lungs the more these thoughts festered. The truth of it was glaring now.

You're going to lose her, Edward.

The thought came, straightening him in his seat. His heart felt as if it was skipping multiple beats. Each skip would speed it up to the point he panicked.

You're going to be alone. Abandoned again.

He lost feeling in his fingers. His cheeks and tongue. He leapt from his seat, catching some concerned glares around the office. The thought he was dying was almost confirmed as it tightened his windpipe. His breath came forced and fast, and he clutched his chest.

Zach came over and asked, "You alright, Rain Man? Whoa…"

"I'm fine…" he weakly replied. "I just… need to use the washroom." There was an obvious shake in his tone. His head bowed as he staggered quickly to the restrooms. Each face he passed only drilling the ineptitude and panic he had. Edward slammed into the bathroom. Empty and echoing his dragging feet to the mirror. He splashed a bit of water on his face, forgetting to take off his glasses before he did. He continued to fight for breath, feeling it restrict tighter and colder with every wheeze.

Heart attack? No. No, you know what this is. It'll pass. Just breathe, Edward. Fuck! It's not working! Breathe! I think I'm dying!

Edward pulled off his tie, certain it wasn't helping matters. His vision blurred. His senses went stagnant. All he could do now was rage war in his head. In that moment of helplessness, there was only one person he needed. He left his phone at his desk. He wanted her to save him once again, but how could he ask in the state they were in? Knowing all the moments she needed him and he wasn't there. Then it struck.

You're abandoning her. How dare you consider she abandoned you.

Suddenly, breath started to come easier. His heart rate settled. Inhales and exhales started to fall into sync.

Ever since I saw those fucking four digit numbers I've been abandoning her. I left her alone at home. I chose this hell over her. I need her. God, I need her. What are you doing, Edward?! You've already won! You won a long time ago.

Edward returned to a shared apartment that had rotted in silence. Recently bereaved of its light and comfort. Wafting in smells of perfumes, coffee, cooking – now old clothes, an overfilling garbage pale, and musty stillness. A neglected apartment of a neglected relationship. He knew all too well she was home. In a bedroom that would usually be blasting music with the fairy lights illuminating the hallway. The door was closed, the room deafly quiet. It was profound how the life seemed to seep from all she surrounded in her lowest points, yet bloom beautifully if she was happy. It became too easy to ignore it. Now he walked the dark hallway ready to meet it.

He opened the door to her room. The lights off and blinds closed. Only light from her phone a few inches from her face. She laid in bed under the covers. Max wouldn't have realized he entered with her earbuds. But a familiar shadow loomed inside her room, becoming the man she cherished. She took out her earbuds and started to move up the bed in a sitting position. She let her phone lay flat on the screen as the room returned to silence. Edward moved closer slowly, his head low in a mutual solace. No longer would her presence keep him away. Would his footsteps keep in the other room. Max let all grudges fall as he shown a vulnerability. An intimacy. Even the smallest by just walking into her room, the emotional distance closed.

He sat to the edge of the bed. Not good enough. The wall was being crumbled before their feet as Edward pushed up beside her, yet a foot of distance as respect. There was still a bit of healing to be had and honoured. He stayed hopeful this juncture would seal the wound.

Max was open and ready to listen. Eagerly. She had a speech arranged in a jumbled mess inside her head. Edward's soft and almost longing approach made it fade and be forgotten. It had been days since they allowed a vulnerability like this. Every moment from here on was a recoil into a missed comfort. The coldness of Edward was gone, now he was back to warming her bed.

There was silence long and nervous. A word needed to be conjured, but Max felt as if it wasn't her time to speak. She had spoken enough. Edward knew he had to. All the words he had prepared were now ill suited with her next to him. In fact, no words seemed good enough. Not his own. He glanced to her, hoping to see her own staring back kindly as they always had. When he did, he saw tears. Words were not enough any longer. They had reached a point in their relationship they both dreaded. So horrible they both reckoned it would never come to be. More than anything, now both desperate to fix it and bring it back to the fondness and dependence they had.

Instead of words, Edward moved his hand for her own. Fearing she would take her hand away and reject it, he took a chance. For Max, his chances were always positive with her. Would it work again? Feeling her own hand reach for his in turn was enough to bring him to shakes. He didn't care for falling into sobs now, he felt accountable. That getting emotional would only shadow the pain he had caused her. Then it happened like a shared thought. Both moved into each other's arms in a mourning yet healing embrace. Warm and rejuvenating all their best moments. It made it far too easy to weep into their shoulders. Pull and tighten the fabric they wore. An embrace that relented every struggle each faced in the months of absence and growing distance. A silent convey that neither were done of each other.

Edward whispered in the hold, "I'm done."

Max took a moment to respond. It raised many questions on what it meant. She pulled away a little to where their wet faces an inch apart. "What do you mean?"

"I'm making a choice." He said, bringing his hand to her cheek to take away a tear. "I'm choosing you."

Max smiled, pulling in a hard sniffle. "You want me?"

"Only you. I'm nothing without you." He laid his forehead to her own. "I love you. I won't lose you. You're my girl."

To hear it was enough to drive the relief in Max. To sully her in emotions at the confirmation they had survived together. Forcing tears down her cheeks. She breathed a grin and instinctually pecked his lips – almost forgetting they hadn't kissed in weeks. Even a small peck. That was enough to spark a rekindling. Edward pulled her back into himself, letting their bodies flow with the sync of their lips reuniting. Max submitted happily to his advances, feeling the recent months melt away. Going back to their moment in California's airport. The degradation of their relationship forgotten and repented. They fell into the bed together, surrendering all arguments like small things that served no use. Gotham's corruption a faint wind outside with the same relevance.

Months later, in the heat of July, Edward was more studious to his routine accounts at work. It had been weeks since he sought any information related to the case. Surprisingly enough, it felt as if a tonne of baggage had been lifting off his shoulders. In his time of mourning giving up the chase, the benefits were highlighting he made the right choice. His phone buzzed and he giddily saw it to be Max. Her text messages once again accompanied in the heart emoticons and smiley faces he grew to love.

"I'm making you sushi tonight, sir. You're gonna love it. ;)"

Edward made a small smile to his phone. "Well, I'm making you cum tonight, ma'am, and you better love it. :P"

Max replied quickly, excitedly. No more long pauses of boredom or disinterest.

She sent a flurry of shocked emoticons and hearts. "Don't threaten me with a good time! Get your ass home!"

Edward's smile quickly faded as Zach came around the corner, prompting him to shelter his dirty texts with Max screen down on the desk.

"Rain Man! I just heard from Mr. Stone the news! No way, you're thinking about moving?"

Edward replied, "Yeah… I mean, we've talked about it. I want to finish my term, but by November Max and I want to move to Omaha. Closer to her family."

"Man, oh man. Bummer! You were a real asset around here."

Edward thought bitterly, Asset. Right. You're going to have to do your own work, you mean. Prick.

"Meh. But I get it. Sometimes a professional downgrade is needed to keep the upgrade at home. I better get the best out of you while I can! Here, can you finish these accounts for me? Atta boy!"

Zach slapped several booklets and folders on Edward's desk before taking up a loud conversation with another accountant a few cubicles away.

Edward held in a sneer so direly. He almost flexed a cold glare. He glanced to the folders and books now intruding his workspace. He went to slide them out of his way, until a red folder kept snatching his attention. The black felt writing on the spine a shuddering distraction. Renewal.

He pried the folder from the pile, and saw it written bolder to the front. He opened the folder to see all of Renewal's logs. Renewal. Wait. We represent Renewal?

Then the dam crushed and flooded in a pulse of shock. The realization that he had been seeking for months and weeks upon countless hours. The last puzzle piece. The epiphany. Edward clutched the folder in his hands, letting it shake with his body. His wide, watering eyes squinted into a hushed chuckle in his throat. Then grew from his mouth, louder and more daunting to the others in the office. A celebratory, shameless and unbridled guffaw roared from his cubicle. At last, just as he had forsaken the case, it comes back in full circle completed. Solved!

Later that night, as Max stayed warm in bed, he was up and out in the perilous dark. He took the train towards Gotham Mountain Security. Once inside, he made sure to find the documents of KTMJ again. And there it was as he knelt sweated to the floor surrounded by paper and ledgers. Renewal.

Of course! How could I not see it?! KTMJ, Gotham's oldest and biggest accounting firm does the city's taxes! They are using Renewal to clean their money! They're using Renewal to clean their money and make payments. Through political funds, through charities! To pay people off! It's the whole system! It was a lie! It was always a lie! All this time – all this time I have blamed myself. But I never had a chance!

The years in limbo after the rejection letter suddenly pulled back into focus. The meaning of life lost. The ambition and drive thwarted. All because Renewal was never Renewal. There was never hope for the city or the promises Thomas Wayne made. It was always and always will be a lie. A tool for the criminally rich to stay rich, and crush the hopes and dreams of the lesser under Italian made boots. To circulate drugs through Gotham streets. To pay off faculties like the police, lawyers, real estate and government. To keep Gotham in control. All run and harboured by the notorious Carmine Falcone.

The early hours of morning were nearing, but Edward was not done. I am farthest from done. He climbed to the peaks of Gotham's low housing project. A note, a letter for the figure who prowled there. His hunting ground. He left him a letter.

Batman. I need your help.

And perhaps a coincidence or not at all. As he placed the paper in the metal of the stair case, the light reappeared in the sky. His light. The sign that called for his help. As the bat wings reflected off the clouds, Edward wailed a chorus of cheers. Knowing that a hero was coming to his aid. In that confirmation, Edward felt assured he had joined the same legacy.

Friday July 16th

My life has been a cruel riddle I could not solve, suffocating my mind, no escape. But then today, I saw it! A single word on this ledger, sitting on the desk beside me! Renewal! The empty promise they sold to me as a child in that orphanage. One look inside and finally I understood! My whole life has been preparing me for this. The moment when I would learn the truth. When I could finally strike back and expose their lies! If you want people to understand, really understand, you can't just give them the answers. You have to confront them. Torture them with the horrifying question. Just like they tortured me. I know now what I must become.