Shadow missed Maria very much. Her smile, her laughter, her hotness preteen ASS...he had to do ANYTHING to get her back and finally seal the knot (geddit, because hedgehog penises have foreskin). So he studied the black arts and made a seal on the ground with his own blood by slitting his wrists, which also coincided with his emo tendencies. He licked some of the blood and began an incantation:
"τὴν δ εὗρ ἐν μεγάρῳ: ἣ δὲ μέγαν ἱστὸν ὕφαινε δίπλακα πορφυρέην, πολέας δ ἐνέπασσεν ἀέθλους Τρώων θ ἱπποδάμων καὶ Ἀχαιῶν χαλκοχιτώνων, οὕς ἑθεν εἵνεκ ἔπασχον ὑπ Ἄρηος παλαμάων:"
Soon the ground began to shook and the trees striped of their leaves, the birds flew away and insects began to accumulate in Shadow ass.
"Yes, it's working!" and Shadow went to the circle, hoping to bang Maria instantly. Instead he found a full grown woman with clothes made from her hair. Yuck!
"You're not Maria!" Shadow cried as he accidentally rammed his penis up Bayonetta's anal.
"How rude!" said Cereza like Divine in Pink Flamingos, "If you want to know how to bang a lady ask your mum."
"I don't have a mom!" said Shadow angstily as he thrusted up Bayonetta's ass.
It was full of hair like a dog's so he cut his penis, making blood run off and fall into the earth, spawning clowns and madmen that tormented the earth for eras to cum. Bayonetta moaned like a Taiwanese kangaroo being stretch by a conveir belt of insipidicity and despair. But Shadow didn't like because his male organ was being ripped to shreds.
"Sorry, cunt, but you're going back to hell!"
Bayonetta only smiled, and turned the tables, making him lie on the ground while she humped herself like Lilith's promised gift towards Adam. Unfortunately, she was crushing Shadow pelvis.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU SHITTY WOMAN YOU'RE KILLING ME!"
"Such a whiner. Here. let me take your pain."
Bayonetta then pressured Shadow's stomach, which was unruly due to a diet of hot dogs and chilli peppers. So his bowels unleashed torrents of black and red turd.
"Shadow, shit is a coinnosseur's Nirvana, we much use it to enchance the sex."
"Yes, let's make use of this divine gift."
Shadow grabbed some of the poo and rubbed it sensually on Bayonetta, who spread the dung further. Her breasts lactated milk that mixed in with the faeces, making Shadow vomit blood on her chest. All those fluids went up his nostrils, making him orgasm an intense delight of lustful condemnations.
"Oh Cereza, I'm about to cum!"
"Stop it right there!" said an evil and crude voice.
It was...Luka!
"Cereza I thought we were the only true ones for each other!"
"Better luck next time Chesisre!" Bayonetta moaned, as some of the shit and milk and blood entered her anus through Shadow's fuckery.
Luk got very MAD, his varicose veins popped and he became an ugly fairy werewolf. He struck to attack, but all the scents threw his aim off balance, making him hit a tree, breaking his neck and killing himself.
Again.
His death was so hot that both Bayonetta and Shadow orgasmed, creating a destructive wave that killed off 99% of all life. Shadow's pelvis was broken, so he couldn't regenerate.
"So long, lover boy" Bayonetta said, before un-fucking herself and walking way like a street prostitute with AIDS.
Shadow was left to contemplate his failures, before dying and going to hell to be raped by Luka for all eternity.
Amen.