fri. 6 january, 2006

…

I walked aimlessly through the forest that I use to scour with the kids from the Reservation. I walked aimlessly alone. I didn't know where I was walking to but I couldn't get there fast enough that's all I knew. I was running, I wasn't walking. I was running towards something. The reason I didn't know. I ran and I ran as my legs began to burn with the extended effort through the dark forest covered with moss, my sneakers soaked with mud, I was cold and very aware of the frigid rain flinging from the sky through the trees.

I knew this was a dream because of the reality of the fact that I would not be running through the forest at night, especially in the rain, the reality of me running steadily was definitely a fantasy of mine. I was infamously clumsy, clumsier than my baby sister who seemed to get her stuck in the stairs railings less than I would while running through the house with controlled chaos. Well not controlled, I couldn't tell you how many times I've fallen up the stairs, my feet deciding to not work and letting me fall on my face, my head stuck in stair railings or my legs and arms. It was more often than not that I would fall getting out of my bed, or mysteriously smacking my head off something. So, I was fully convinced this was a dream because I have not fallen once or smacked my head on an imaginary wall yet, not to jinx myself but it was definitely coming if my mind would allow such flaws in my unconscious adventure.

As I came to an opening within the forest, the clearing consisted of the fallen trees, boulders, soil and grass lined in an trees lining the clearing in an uneven oval. I stopped in surprise at the boy in middle of the clearing, the rain slowing unnaturally to mist, I took two slow steps into the clearing as the tall boy in nothing but shorts turning around to me. The first thing I noticed was the sun beginning to peak through the thick dark grey clouds cover, the mist sparkling as it fell from the thinning clouds, the second thing I noticed was that I was dreaming about Seth Clearwater again. This dream is different, he's half naked which is… strange.

He was grinning his signature grin, bright and kind, his copper skin tone glowing under the sun rays and he was absolutely stunning to see. It made me feel like a school girl all giddy and bashful, this eighteen year old was appearing in my dreams more often and I honestly couldn't understand why. Was it because of our history? Or was it just because I missed him. I don't know but I felt myself begin to slip from this dream into awareness as he continued to grin at me with a intense fire in his dark eyes that I couldn't understand. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to stay here and talk with him.

I wanted to look at him up close with the sparkling mist falling around him and dampening his shirt cropped black hair, I wanted to be enveloped in his arms. I wanted to feel his body against mine, the warmth that was radiating from through the frigid air was inviting and intoxicating. I wanted to stay with him here. I wanted to stay with him here forever. In this peace. In this consistent brightness of hope and faith. In this warm protection.

"Hey, Rosy." He says as his hand reaches out to my face, his skin was hot but soft and rough at the same time. His palm and fingers left a fuzzy tingling sensation with the skin contact, he kissed me with so much emotion that my heart began to beat frantically in my chest as I melted into him and kissed him back.

I jolted awake to my alarm going off in my shared bedroom consumed in darkness, I didn't wake up to Bella screaming this time but instead she was sitting at the window, she didn't look over when I turned off the disquieting alarm. I got up and showered and got dressed, Bella was still in the window when I came back into the bedroom, I draped a quilt over her shoulders from the icy breeze blowing in from the cracked open window. I had a granola bar and coffee before I left the house to work, and I wish work were more exciting then I wouldn't be dozing off every hour. My chores were done first as always, and it was always the same, I was about tired of work by noon and my butt hurts from sitting for the past hour.

Today of all days had to be the day I couldn't go home early, out of all the times the store closes early a week because of lack of business, I could but I didn't want to. I would know, I close because literally after noon, not a single car passes by on the road. But even then, I was surprised I had a job with the three times I sold anything in this store besides gas from the pumps. However, the contents within the store were not what you're expecting. A summer clothing store with a gas station, okay maybe not a loss in Florida but this is the Olympic Peninsula, the rainiest climate on Earth, what else could I say? Grey cloud cover, rain, mist, fog, cold, and exceedingly small towns of Forks and La Push, Washington. Poorly funded and differently on the verge of economical collapse in like fifteen years if new businesses didn't open. It was inevitable.

Ever since I made the final decision not to join the Marines and stay home, and putting off a year to go to college. This is what I've been doing since graduating, a 6am to 4pm shift, five days a week for 6.25 an hour. That had been originally my shift until I moved out here three weeks ago, a consistent Monday to Friday, 6 to 6, Saturday's are usually 8 to 6, just sitting in this fucking chair watching the door for customers. This store has been around for years and Dad took me here once when we were packing to see Bella in California before she moved here a year ago, and we moved from Forks a couple of weeks ago. Dad thought it was better for Bella to help her deal with her breakup from four months ago two days after her birthday, so far she was still screaming throughout the night and she was home all of the time. The only time she would sleep peacefully was if I crawled into bed with her but she was a bed hog and once I woke up to myself falling off the bed.

Most nights I spent with my boyfriend, Dad had been very against it until I slapped my birth control on the table. It was crazy I had to do it anyways because I have a steady full-time job since June 28th of 2005, I was close to my record of six months and a solid confirmation of taking my medication every morning and night. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and mood stabilizer with having to deal with my mother for the first 11 years of my life until I had a complete meltdown. I was raising Bella while Renee was gone for two months with this really bad boyfriend, I will not go into detail but it had been all for Bella. Renee has had children and youth on her with Bella until she remarried and then Bella moved in, I was honestly thankful she moved back.

The bell above the door rang and I looked up hopefully for a chance out of my thoughts but then my hope deflated when Paul Lahote walked into the store. I narrowed my eyes at the boy with a mischievous grin and ever since he seen me while searching for Bella, he thinks he has a chance with me. He was irritating and persistent about trying to get into my pants, he walks over and crosses his arms as he leans them down on the countertop as I continued to glare at him.

"Hey, pretty." His dark eyes twinkled, he's cute with his smile brightening his russet red skin tone but he's annoying.

"Get out." I said, indifferently.

"Aw! Why? You hurt me, Naomi." He grins at me even though I slapped him on the head with a rolled-up newspaper.

"Paul. We go through this everyday like clockwork. I will not let you just 'slip' the tip in. Get out."

"Oh? You want me to fuck you." He continued to grin at me with sly mirth.

"No. I have a boyfriend," I stood up and walked away from the counter, going through the aisles trying to look busy with something.

Paul scoffed, "You're still dating that tool?" I stopped suddenly as he stepped in my path or rather I was going to run into him.

"You're the tool, get out." I pushed him back but he didn't budge, he pulled me closer, "Paul."

He smells good. But that's not the only thing that alarmed me, his skin was just as hot as Seth was in my dream.

"You smell good," he says ducking his head in my hair and kissed my neck.

I pushed against him, leaning away, "Paul, stop it! You're starting to sexually harass me, let go of me."

He let me go and stepped back, he looked down with his hands quivering, he genuinely looked ashamed and mad before he inhaled sharply. "Okay, I'm sorry." I walked away towards the first aisle again, What are you doing?"

"Working, Paul."

"You come here almost everyday and stare at the clothes in the rack for hours with no customers. Why are you working here?"

"Because I need a job, Paul. Not everyone can work for their community."

"Okay but there are other jobs out there. The store on the Rez is looking for a stocker, it's the same hours, well until 2pm actually. I bet it pays more too."

"Oh? So you can try to fuck me there too."

"I'll try to fuck you even when you've popped out three kids. Probably want to fuck you even more."

That, honestly, low-key turned me on. I really needed this fight to be over with Jason so I could get a dick down.

"That's so wrong." I said walking behind the counter and sat down in the chair. "You know, why cut all your jeans when I can just sell you some shorts and shirts?" I crossed my leg and looked up at him after opening my book again.

Paul grinned at me leaning his arms on the counter again, "Well I would if I wasn't too busy trying to get you first."

I shook my head, "So you won't buy clothes until I fuck you? Wow Paul, that's wild."

"No actually. But now that you mention it, why not? The restroom is right there," He says and I rolled my eyes at him, "Make your eye roll as I fuck you against the wall."

My pussy clenched, for the first time from words coming out of Paul's mouth. This concerned me, I wondered if I was going to have a mental breakdown soon which wasn't a good thing.

"Out." I demanded.

"Fine." He straightened, smiling widely as if he knew something, "I'm assuming your working tomorrow?"

I sighed heavily, "Most likely," The possibility was high but it was better than being home with nothing to do, "why?"

Paul shrugged, "No reason," that cocky smile still on his face, and then he walked out of the doors of the maximum capacity of a ten-person store.

I think that should keep him away for a while. I looked at the clock and I still had thirty minutes left, I sighed and sat back down in the wretched folding chair but I got up and started walking around and sweeping the store for the seventh time today. I lazily did a pre-change count, I cleaned the restroom for the third time today. I did wipe down and mopped the floor with some citrusy chemicals, by the time I checked the clock I had less than ten minutes left. I put a slip in the empty money bag and dropped it in the box in the office. I went out and started my car—well not my car, Jason's car—I came back in and checked the clock, I turned off all the lights locking up the bathroom and the office, I managed earned a minute over my usual punch out.

I grabbed my jacket and the store keys before locking the doors behind me and walked over to my car. I got home to an empty two-bedroom house, this shocked me because where was she? I decided to wait since I figured she was out driving around; it was better than sitting in the bedroom for hours. I made a sandwich and started a load of laundry; I called Jason's house a couple times but there was no answer I decided to go see him instead feeling crazy with jealousy and anger for him not answering my call. The shrill ring of the phone caught my attention before I closed the front door behind me, I darted to the phone and picked up off the receiver.

"Hello?" I said out of breath.

"Naomi?" I know that voice anywhere.

"Leah?"

"Hey. What are you doing?"

I blinked trying to find an answer that wouldn't offend her, ever since her and Sam broke up over a year ago, she hasn't been the same since and that included consideration for others. She was still my girl either way.

"Uh, honestly, I was going to see Jason. Why, what's up?"

Oh. Okay. Never mind then."

"Hey, Leah, wai-." She hung up on me, I looked at the phone before hanging it up and continuing back outside.

Why did she hang up on me like that? Maybe I should've said something else. Just to get her talking because I haven't gotten a call from her in months. I decided to change my destination, I drove to the Clearwater's to find no one home, I drove over the Blacks' and pulled into the driveway and Billy pulled the curtain back. I should probably see if Jake is home, my car was due for another inspection.

I waved to Billy as I sprinted up to the door of the dull red trailer house, I twisted the doorknob and opened the door, "Hey, Billy!" I smiled at Billy rolling over from the window.

"Hey, Butterfly. What brings you by?" He didn't address me as Naomi, ever.

"I was honestly looking for the Clearwater's, Leah called but no one was home. And Bella's not home, is Jake here?"

"Oh. Leah was moving into her apartment in Port Angeles, Sue and Harry are probably still there helping her out. Charlie said something about Bella going to see a movie with some new friends from school. Jakes with Embry, Seth and Quil. How's Jason?"

"Oh! I was supposed to help today. I couldn't get out of work! Ugh! I'm horrible!"

"Hey, Butterfly, don't do that. It's okay, Leah knows that your boss is a stick in the mud."

I heaved a sigh, "Maybe when Harry comes back maybe you could snag Leah's number for me?"

"Of course."

"I'm glad Bella's finally out and about. Can you also let Jake know that my chariot is in desperate need of a check up?'

He chuckled, he nodded, "I sure can. Now tell me, did Jason propose yet?"

I snorted, "No," I shook my head and sat down at the kitchen table. "Not at all. He's leaving in a couple weeks for college." My shoulders dropped as my emotions leaked into my answer.

He assessed me quickly, "Where is he going?"

"Harvard."

"Harvard? Damn. What is he majoring in?"

"Doctor. Like his mom, neurology."

"Wow. He finally decided." Billy says cautiously.

"Yeah."

My drifted off to our fight a couple days ago, I went over twice overnight but he didn't stay with me in his room and he was gone by the time I got up Wednesday morning. This fight was getting to me and I really just wanted us to be okay, I wanted cuddles and kisses. Whenever we got into a fight over the past eight months he would give me the silent treatment until I apologized but this fight wasn't my fault, most of them weren't but it was still heartbreaking. But at the very same time, it made me lose feelings for him every time and he has never been the best communicator. I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and how unhappy I truly was being in a relationship with Jason, I was a complete hopeless romantic and I was so loving. I just wanted that same love back, all of the things we used to ceased after two months into our relationship when we had sex for the first time, I just wanted to feel loved. I am loved and cared for and I know that, this isn't an insecure things, it's just… I wanted Jason to love and care for me again.

Was that too much to ask for? To be loved by the person you love? Was it too much to wish things would get better?

Billy assessed me again, I felt his eyes on me, "What's wrong?"

I sighed again looking down at the kitchen table, "We got into a fight a couple days ago. He won't talk to me. I was going to see him but then Leah called."

"What did you fight about?"

I sighed running a hand through my curly hair, "It was because I was sleeping over some nights. Leaving early in the morning and stuff. His parents still don't like me."

Billy shook his head, sighing, "I'm sorry about that Butterfly. I don't understand why it's a problem, you're a free loader, his mother is always coming in and out of the house right?"

"Yeah, I don't know… I don't know, I've been thinking about ending the relationship. He does this every time we fight and it's… he never makes any effort for me."

"Then I think that's an innovative idea. It's better to be single than stay in a one-sided relationship."

I sighed, nodding in agreement, this was surprisingly less painful to talk about now than when I pondered over it, I stood up from the table. "Maybe I'll see him. Maybe see if he'll talk but if not…"

"Rip it off like a band aid." Billy encourages with a smile; I sighed again a bit sad and stood there. "You're going to be okay, butterfly. You're a strong young woman, and exceptionally beautiful, never settle for anything less than what you deserve."

"Thank you, Billy." I smiled feeling better, I know what I had to do. I had little to no pain over this, if it hadn't hit me now it would have hit me later when everything was said and done. I wasn't worried about snapping, therapy has helped me a ton with being able to comfort myself and not make stupid, rash decisions. "I'll come back and see you again, I promise."

"I'll hold you to it, butterfly."

I haven't seen him in a couple of months, managing work, therapy, and a soon ex-boyfriend, trying to be there for Bella. I had to make a day clear to spend time with him, it was a must and he was like a second father to me.

"I promise it'll be sooner than later."

I drove to Forks with the sky flinging down rain, the wipers on fastest level as I sped down the highway. I pulled into the big family house of Jason's parents, his parents were home and the house from the outside seemed to be filled with people. I turned to ignition off and pulled the keys from the ignition, I was already preparing to ask for a ride home. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer, his father opened the door and I didn't like the way he looked at me. I heard silverware against pates, I assumed I just interrupted suppertime.

"Naomi? What—Hey, I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you."

I called and there have that machine that tells you who called, it wasn't that long ago.

"I just wanted to talk to Jason right quick. I won't be long, I promise." I smiled softly, politely.

He was unsure and I can hear the voices of his kids, his wife and a girl voice I knew well. "Uh, sure. Come in."

"It's probably best I stay out here." I said and he assessed me before he seemed to understand my hinting tone.

"Quin? Who is it?" His wife called.

"Oh." He sighed, looked back into the house before stepping out onto the porch, "I'm assuming you caught on, huh?"

"Pardon?" I asked confused.

"My son. His ways. His silent treatment."

"Yeah… it's actually very unattractive to me."

He sighs keeping eye contact with me, for the first time he was calm and kind towards me and that was a first. "I know that we haven't gotten along. It's only because… well, he's my son. And, to be honest… he deserves better."

"Excuse me?"

"Jason has a reason for his ways. His silent treatment. There are a lot of petty girls in this world Naomi, and I would like to keep that away from my son. Whatever you do during the day, and how you spend your time is your business, especially with your manners. I just invited you inside, you disrespected me, and I don't want it near my son."

"Now I see where he gets it from."

"Excuse me?"

"Not once in the past eight months since Jason and I have been dating have you or your wife had a decent conversation with me. You shouldn't put your son on a high pedestal. As a parent you should remember that you are not around your son 24/7 and should know when to correct him. Here. I was going to get a free inspection for him, but now you both can kiss my ass. Don't worry, I hardly doubt our paths will cross again."

The front door opened and his wife looked out, her eyes widened and she stepped out closing the door behind her. She looked between us before her husband spoke again.

"Watch yourself, little girl. I wouldn't believe that shit doesn't stink if I were you. Now, isn't there psych ward you should be admitting into?"

For the first time in an extraordinarily long time… I felt a mental snap ring throughout my skull. All thoughts stopped and I was filled with a cold dark numbness settling in my bones. Ah. Great.

"Quin! What is the meaning of this?"

I just stared at him, my face setting into a blank expression and he just stared back surprised by my silence. I tossed the keys to him, turned on my heel and descended down the stairs.

"Naomi. Wait." I heard her footsteps behind me and I turned around. She stopped the rain beginning to soak her clothes, "What happened? What are you going?"

"I was going to break up with your son, respectfully. But as you heard, I should go."

"Wait. Sweetheart, let me drive you home." She insisted, "Do you want some food, there's enough for me to send you home some."

I shook my head, "No, it's okay. Thank you."

"Wait, Naomi, sweetheart. Please, I can't let you walk in this weather." She insisted.

"Okay."

Her husband didn't look happy at all when she got into her new Honda SUV with a big Tupperware of hot foot held within a plastic bag, and started the ignition, she pulled out of the driveway quickly and drove at the speed limit on the road. She turned on the heat on full blast as I sat rigid in the passenger seat with my hands clasped in my lap, she sighed heavily and ran a hand through her black hair.

"I know we haven't gotten much time to talk and get to know each other over the months. The hospital likes to take up most of my time and energy… I'm sorry I haven't put aside time to talk with you Naomi. And I want to apologize about Quincy, I didn't know he was being nasty to you. Apparently there's been a lot I haven't been caught up on."

"It's okay."

"Why do you want to break up with Jason?"

"He doesn't put in any effort. He doesn't apologize, he doesn't talk to me anymore."

She hummed, "That doesn't sound like Jason."

I sighed and looked down at my clasped hands. Getting ready for more insults.

"I don't know what's going on with that boy anymore, he doesn't talk to me either. I guess that's my fault."

I didn't say anything.

"It's an innovative idea you decided to break up with him… If he is anything like his father nowadays, I agree with your decision. You are a young girl but you also have your own problems and someone's inconsideration towards that… I don't want to hear that something happened to you, I would rather see you happy with someone else than try to hold onto my son. Your decision, it's very responsible, shows your strength… your values."

I looked over at her in surprise, my mouth opened and closed like a fish and she gave me a reassuring smile.

"We haven't gotten to talk. I am not always a cranky doctor."

"No. I just. I-I."

"It's okay, sweetheart. Trust me, it's okay. You're going to be okay, trust me, you are dodging a bullet." She says glancing over at me with a certain look in her eyes that took me a minute to comprehend when she looked back out of the windshield.

It came to me out of insight. "He's cheating?"

"Was. I found out today that he's been dating Lauren Mallory for the past five months."

"What?"

"You are dodging a bullet."

"But.. how? Why would Quincy say that?"

"Quincy is a clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder."

I leaned back into the seat out of surprise at the information, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, hon. I know now and I can still do something about it with my younger kids. I wish I caught on sooner, maybe everything would be different for you two."

"Everything happens for a reason." I said a moment later, my mind was still blank and this really wasn't good.

"You're right. Wish it were easier to accept."

A moment of silence before I asked her if Jason was thinking of actually going to college.

"Is Jason really going to Harvard?"

She shook her head, she glanced over at me, "No. That was a lie, he told me the same thing until Lauren showed up today with… she showed up pregnant."

The wind was knocked out of my chest, I sunk into the passenger seat tears falling out of my eyes as I blinked rapidly, consistently. I put my hand over my mouth and my chest ripped open like it had my smashed out by

The rest of the car ride she filled with a Journey CD, thoughts began to creep around my skull and I began to think about she said to me. I was confused by her kind and encouraging words but she was right, we haven't gotten time to actually talk, and even though it seemed too late for a conversation. I felt the heaviness of sincerity in her words, the support behind her words, I had a premonition that the woman I knew for the past year was false and this was the real her. Relaxed, a mother, a woman, a hurt woman, a conflicted woman, and she supported my decision when I thought she was going to put me down like Quincy had.

She pulled into my driveway after giving her directions after getting off the turnpike, the driveway was empty, she only knew that I was living in La Push, she turned to me and smiled with reassurance and encouragement.

"I know that you broke up with my son, but I would like to stay in contact with you. If that's okay."

My mouth opened and closed like a fish again and she chuckled as I nodded, "Y-yeah. That's okay. I would like that too."

"Okay. Have a great rest of your night, sweetheart."

"Thank you, Lenora. I hope you do too."

"Nori. You can call me Nori." She smiled wider.

"Okay. Nori," I smiled back.

Once I was inside after giving her the number to my house, I put the food in the refrigerator with a note, I checked on my clothes and throwing them in the dryer and throwing in Dad's load of clothes from his hamper, I went upstairs and showered. I laid on my bed as the day weighed over me, I stared at the wall for a while before I fully realized the peace that washed over, the pain in my chest subsided realizing that even know I knew I still loved him but it wasn't enough to cry. It wasn't enough to wallow.

I went back downstairs and phoned Billy, he answered quickly, he must've been by the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Billy, it's butterfly. I have news."

"Oh? What happened?"

"We broke up. His mom gave me some food and drove me home."

"That was awesome of her. Did you eat? How do you feel, butterfly?"

I sighed, "I'm… I'm okay, actually. Better than okay. And no I didn't eat yet. Too tired to, figured I'd call you to let you know before I passed out."

"Good, good. Okay, you know you can talk to me either way. Eat a little something. Get some rest, butterfly."

"I know. I will. Have a good night, Billy."

"Have a good night."

I hung up and went back upstairs and laid back down on my bed, wrapping my comforter around my form.

"I dodged a bullet," I whispered to myself as I thought about what Billy and Nori told me.

I wasn't sure if I should've been happy about the reality of my feelings but I was, and I also unconsciously worried that maybe I was going snap again. I closed my eyes and then I opened them to Bella's alarm going off for her shift at Newton's, before she was supposed to leave. I was called into work for a full shift, even though it was going to be 9 am in like thirty minutes. There was no conversation with Bella after she said okay to dropping me off at work, I didn't push conversation either. The roar of the engine was enough to keep me out of my thoughts and just watch the world go by as she drove.

I did my chores around the store as usual, sweeping up nothing and mopping a clean floor. I was cleaning the bathroom when I heard the door bell and then two male voices calling out for assistance. I walked back out to two men looking to fill up their gas tanks with short conversations of their Saturday plans. One man was taking his family up to Port Angeles for the day, the other man was going hiking at the trailhead in Forks. But the customers didn't stop there, I was calmly busy with selling gas throughout the day. Some people came in and bought clothes, one of the customers daughter had been set on a whole new sleep wardrobe and they were customers with heavy pockets and basically cleared out most of the two aisles. The mother told me to highly suggest to my boss to add in convenience snacks and drinks, I looked up at the time after waiting an hour after silence and the road calming down.

I sighed at the clock reading 4:30 pm, I started cleaning and filled out an inventory sheet and got stuff ready for closing. My mind going blank after settling down from expecting customers, it appears that the busyness wasn't going to return and my feet were finally hurting from standing all day. I began to feel like I earned something today and that thrilled me, I smiled at the near empty aisles and looked over to the bell ringing over the door.

Paul smiled back at me, "What happened here? Did you get robbed?"

I looked back at the aisles, I shook my head, "No. Finally a busy."

"So you were robbed." He glanced around the store, and his eyes meeting mine last.

I walked behind the counter and sighed, "What do you want, Paul?"

He grinned at me as he leaned his arms on the counter, "Why else would I come here?"

I sighed, "Like clockwork."

He hummed, "So what you say?"

"Sure." I said meeting his gaze.

He laughed in surprise, but so was I, "Really? No rant about having a boyfriend."

I shrugged, "Last time I checked he got another girl pregnant so I would assume, he's an ex."

"What a dumbass." Paul grinned as I walked past him to lock the doors.

He locked the restroom door behind him and pulled me to him, kissing him hard. I melted into him and kissed him back as his hands roamed my body before getting me on my back on the floor and removing my clothes to kiss my skin and touch with his hands. My back arched as he sucked my right nipple into his mouth, his hands pushing down the back of thighs opening me up in those sexually suggestive position I've ever been in. I gasped and panted looking up at him through my lashes as he suck his length deep in me pushing my legs into my chest and holding them under my knees, my mouth dropping open at his size invading my small body.

I felt myself flutter around him as he settled into his base with his hips flush against mine, I felt myself squeeze him with hunger.

"Fuck!" He groaned meeting my eyes as he moved his hips finding a rhythm and speed.

As soon as the first moan fell from my lips from his movement in me, I was certain he was determined to keep them coming by the strength of his thrusts. My mind detached from my body and I was lost in the heated fog of lust and desire, he was so big and his length was melting my insides and I have never been this wet in my life for the sound to bounce off the walls.

He held me down with his hands on my ribcage, "What did Jason do?"

I looked up at his in surprise, I moaned, "He cheated on me."

"He cheated on you and I'm going to make sure you cum around my dick," He rotated his hips, my hips lifted backing away from him but he followed and grinded his rotating hips into mine. His dick tip hitting my cervix and opening my walls and making me fall back to the floor moaning and whimpering feeling him sink past my cervix, "Take it, baby. Take my dick, baby."

My head fell back as my moans came closer together and louder, feeling nothing but his thick dick slid in and out of wet pussy repeatedly. He was getting to much and I was beginning to clench around him, I was getting close and he knew this with gathering my legs around his waist and leaning down to kiss me. My breath came out in a unsteady pants as I tried to kiss him back, my hands coming into contact with his chest as I began whimpering moans feeling myself beginning to come undone. Paul leaned down closer to me as my arms wove around his back with my eyelids fluttering and my breathing becoming labored and shallow.

"Oh!" I whimpered and a second later My nails clawed into Paul's shoulders as my legs trembled in his hands, my head falling back against the floor as high pitched moans left my throat as I climaxed around him thrusting into me.

"Again," he groaned against my neck, sucking skin into his mouth and his teeth grazing against my flesh.

"No," I moaned my body jolting and covered in sweat, "I have to…" I moaned with my arms instinctively pulling him closer wit my nails digging his skin. "I have to close up." I managed to get out in gasps and pants, he felt so good and I really didn't want him to stop but we were currently fucking in my employment restroom.

"One more time," He groans against my skin, breathing heavily, "Cum one more time on me and I'll let you go."

His movements within me felt too good to stop it right now, my hips moved to meet his before he pulled back, exiting me and then lifting me up and turning me around. I whimpered helplessly at his control as he got me on my knees and arched my back, he shoved his dick into my climaxing pussy and arched my back again pushing my breasts into the tilted floor. He began his pace again as my mind disconnected at the pressure of his dick at the position, helplessly moaning and accepting what he was doing to me, my voice was loud as his pace quickened with another orgasm building the slickness of my pussy.

"Take it, baby. Take it," He growled holding me down to the floor with one hand and his other grasping my right hip harshly.

I screamed a moan splintering apart, my eyes squeezing shut as my body convulses and his pace quickened, his right smacked my ass cheek when I slapped at his hand wanting to flee from him.

"Fucking take it!" he growled squeezing my hip harder and digging for gold, my breath taken from me feeling a release and the a splash of liquid between our hips. "Yes! Fuck! Good girl!" he slapped my ass cheek again, it stung, moving my hips to slid my pussy over him and by his hardness I was guessing he was going to finish.

Getting redressed, I went to clean up the bathroom but he ushered me out to do my other closing tasks. I locked up the store as soon as Bella pulled into the parking lot, I looked up at Paul twirling the keys on my finger.

"Should I be expecting you on Monday?" I asked.

He scratched the back of his head, "Most likely… I wasn't supposed to be coming around here in general."

"Oh, right. Your gang leader, Sam."

"We're not a gang." He says while shifting on his feet and squaring his shoulders.

I raised an eyebrow at him, noting that, "Really? That's not the talk of the town."

"Trust me when I say we're not a gang. But I'll be around, I promise." Paul says, and then he grinned with mischief, "What are you doing tomorrow?"

I shrugged, I looked over at Bella waiting for me, "I don't know, I might hang out with Bella to be honest."

Paul smiled, it was forced and his shoulders shook a bit as the wind blew, "Okay. I'll see you around then." He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my hand before sprinting away out of my sight.

I opened the passenger door and hopped into the truck and closed it behind me, I looked over at Bella smirking at me, "What?" I asked surprised at the life in her eyes.

She shook her head, "Nothing. I didn't know Jason was running around half naked."

"That wasn't Jason." I replied buckling.

"Oh?" She glanced over at me again as she did a u-turn to drive out of the parking lot, "Who was that?"

"Paul Lahote." I replied.

"What were you and Paul doing?" She asked looking at my hair and my clothes. "You weren't wearing that shirt this morning."

I looked down at my shirt, this indeed wasn't my shirt, "Oops." I looked out the passenger window.

"When did this start?" She was genuinely curious.

"Today. I highly recommend rebound sex." I said leaning back into the seat and looked over at her.

She glanced at me, "You and Jason broke up?"

I shrugged, "Well, I was going to break up with him but his parents stopped me. His mom told me he got the Mallory girl pregnant."

Bella's eyes snapped open wide, "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack. She's four months pregnant."

"That's why Jessica said Lauren dropped out last night. She kept asking about you, now I know why."

"Fucking Jessica Stanley, fucking tramp, the both of them."

"Jessica doesn't sleep around."

I cackled, "Oh yes, she does! Why do you think her and Mike breaking up all the time. She can't keep her legs closed."

"They were always on and off."

"And Jessica doesn't tell you everything because you tell Charlie everything."

"That's a bad thing."

"For a girl that has Catholic parents, yes it is."

"Wow…" Her face fell.

"Don't feel bad about it, honestly. It's a good thing that she hasn't told you anything. I'm glad she smart enough not to involve you in her monkey branching."

"So what are you and Paul? You two dating or just…"

"Having sex? Most likely the latter. Date Paul Lahote? Never, he's not my type to date anyways, strictly sex."

"How are you about the whole Jason and Lauren thing?"

I shrugged, "I mean, I was already going to break up with him. I guess I shouldn't be surprised about it, he was showing signs. I don't know, I'm good now."

"And later?"

"That's what I'm worrying about."

"Jake and I rebuilding motorcycles." Bella says, I glanced over at her in surprise before cackling.

"You're a rebellious child, Bells."

"I like it. I never did anything before."

"Reading and studying, or traveling with mom."

"But nothing else. No high school parties. No drugs. No alcohol. One boyfriend."

"And you are 15 boyfriends behind already." I laughed.

"Tomorrow we're shopping for the parts. Wanna come?"

"Parts shopping? I don't know… I mean I don't have anything else better to do but I don't know how I feel about listening to Jacob flirt with you for hours on end."

"He doesn't flirt with me."

I snorted, "You're joking, right? Bella, for Halloween he gave you a whole bag of chocolate that he bought himself. Jake didn't do trick or treating, he hasn't gone since he was twelve when he dressed up as Spock."

"From Star Trek?" Bella asked her voice a bit higher than before as she turned the ignition off.

I bounced in the seat with laughter, "Yes! I ripped his ass about it! Its my fault he stopped doing it."

We got out of the truck and Bella was imaging Jacob as Spock or trying to by her facial expression, she laughed softly.

"Spock?" She looked up at me as we walked up the door.

"Yes. Don't tell him I told you that. He cried."

"Naomi!"

"What?! He has it coming! Fucking Trekkie." I chuckled to myself remembering the day perfectly when I seen Jacob that Halloween.

Billy glared at me as I tried to stifle my laugh, twelve year old Jacob was getting self-conscious. I finally combusted as Leah Clearwater had to leave the room not to laugh at the adolescent. I was the asshole out of everyone. Dad grounded me when Jacob left the living room into his room crying. Jacob hated me for a year and grew a thicker skin to keep up with my banter. I kicked off my sneakers and hung up my jackets and zipped up my hoodie, I went to walk down the hallway when Bella spoke up while bustling around the kitchen.

"Okay, you have to tell me more about Paul and this whole thing."

"Oh?"

Bella shrugged, "I read a lot."

"Meaning?"

She shrugged, blushing a bit, "I'm tried of imagining. I want to… experience."

Realization hit me, "Oooohhh," I dragged out the oh in realization. "Quick shower and I'll spill."

I washed my body twice as fast and as hard as I could and rinsed, I got out and dried off. You know the whole shabang. I joined Bella in kitchen washing my hands to help her make dinner. Fried chicken, French fries, and a salad, that we both hardly doubted Charlie would eat.

"What exactly do you want to know?" I asked while seasoning the dry four.

"Was it good?" she asked.

"Yeah. Better than I've had in months, longer maybe."

"How many have you done it? Besides Jason and Paul?"

"Two other times."

"Hm." She dipping chicken in the wet batter. "How old is Paul?"

"Nineteen, just last week actually. He's been coming into the store since we moved her trying to get me to have sex with him."

"Persistent."

"Annoyingly."

"But you did."

"I did! At first, I thought he was just being cocky about his performance but, I mean, I guess after fucking half of La Push would prove its worth sometime."

"Should we worry about needing to get tests?"

I shook my head, "No. Paul may fuck around but he's smart."

"Well, maybe just in case?"

"Doubting my judgement, Bella?"

"No… You know, kids at school talk. Everyone thinks Sam, Jared and Paul are drug addicts and nudists."

"Nudists, maybe. Drug addicts, doubt it. Especially with the regulations of the tribe if you think about it. They work for the council."

"Sounds like someone is a bit defensive."

"What? No… just, informing."

"Your cheeks are flushed."

"That's what you call sex."

"No," Bella laughed, "Okay. Whatever, but you know, it's still strange, you know. All they wear is cut jeans."

"I know. Maybe some drugs, who knows. But I'm not really looking to find out either. As long as I'm away from it, fine by me, I just want his dick."

"Naomi!"

"What?! I'm being honest."

I started a batch of French fries as Bella started cooking the battered chicken. I wanted to ask about her situation but I had a feeling not to talk about it, this is the most she had kept conversation and I missed her. She was coming around and that's all that mattered really, I don't like seeing her so heartbroken and detached from everything. She was still heartbroken but she was trying.

"Jacob really flirts with me?"

I nodded, "Yup. Like a toothache. I don't think it's romantic likeness towards you, more sexual, honestly. Billy and Charlie deny it though."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Jacob is Paul with you. But dorky."

Bella chewed on her bottom lip, "Do you think… I should?"

"What?"

"Have… sex with Jacob?"

"Uh…" I glanced at her, "Have you done it before?"

"No."

I shook my head, "No. I wouldn't unless you want to break his heart."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because most likely you'll both be virgins and say you decide to continue doing it but then you find some one you like. Then you'd break Jacob's heart wanting to do it with someone else."

"What if he finds someone he likes?"

"Same thing for you. Another heartache."

"But… what if we don't find anyone we like?"

"Then you'd have sex with Jacob for the rest of your life. Why?"

"I don't know… I don't think I could do it with Jacob. I don't know, I don't really see… him like that."

"Are thinking about it losing it?"

"I've been wanting to."

No, questions about Edward, so another conversation detour.

"Then, find your Paul. Well, don't find him. Wait for him, usually when you go looking, you get caught with a Jason."

"I think… Quil was flirting with me."

"What'd he do?" I asked with a smirk.

"Flex his muscles when I shook his hand."

"There's your Paul." I chortled.

"You think?"

I shrugged, "I mean you pointed out that you thought he was flirting. So probably."

"Quil does like to flirt with senior girls."

I cackled, "Oh, so he has a fetish."

Bella shook her head, giggling.

Then I started thinking about my advice, I shouldn't have told her to let just any guy take her virginity. That was bad. That was bad der sister advice.

"Don't listen to my advice actually about finding your Paul… you should lose it when you're ready to and whoever you want to do it with. And don't be afraid to fall in love again and again and again. It takes a very strong independent woman to have the courage to love continuiously."

Dad announced his arrival with the door opening as we were plating the cooked food.

"Hey, girls." Dad greets as I placed the plates down and Bella came over with three plates and paper towels.

"Hey," I greeted, kissed his cheek, and walked over to the counter and grabbed the bowl full of chopped vegetables covered in Caesar dressing to tempt Dad.

"Hey, Dad." Bella flashed him a grin and beat me to the fridge to grab condiments.

"How was work, Nao? Did you have fun with Jake, Bells?" Dad asked as he began fixing his plate with food, assessing Bella.

I sat down at the table, pulling off sheets of paper towels and handing them out, "Work was finally busy today. Broke record since August, one lady bought most of the store for her kids. Her daughter she brought with her was determined to take all of the girl's clothes. Even if they weren't her size, she wanted to do something to them. Her mother cut her off before I could get the details on the thievery and vandalism."

"Seems like that wasn't the only thing that happened today. What the hell happened to your neck? Looks like you attacked by an alien vacuum or something." Dad looked at me with a knowing stare as he stopped plating food.

I thought about Paul's aggressive attacks to my neck, I should've checked knowing he was known for leaving marks, "Uh, I was actually. I was going to spare you the reality of aliens. Ugly, horrible things, really."

"Just shut up and eat your food," Dad pinched the bridge of his nose, our relationship by now, he knew that my sarcastic response wasn't going to get him the truthful answer.

Even though he knew. I know he knows, and I know that he would ask later. I looked at Bella as she looked at Dad eventually smirking.

"So, I heard somethings today but Bells, how was your day with Jake?"

"It was good. I had fun. Did you know he's rebuilding a Volkswagen?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, I think Billy mentioned it."

"What'd you hear?" Bella asks, nibbling on a french fry.

"I smell gossip in the air." I said looking back at Dad.

"Well… you know how this town is and how word travels. Mrs.—Nori, is divorcing Quincy, Jason and Lauren Mallory are having a baby. And I heard the town from personal experience, that everyone is Team Naomi and Team Nori."

"Interesting. Should I start making t-shirts?" I cracked a wide smile. "Maybe some bedazzling, glitter."

"Pleas, do none of that." Dad pressed, "Also… Harry and Sue are getting a divorce, Sue moved in with Leah in Port Angeles."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Why are they getting a divorce? They're like… glue."

"Apparently, Sue hasn't felt like glue in years. She was having an affair."

"Oh, what the fuck?" I dropped my chicken back on the plate in crippling shock.

"Naomi."

"What?"

"She was having a affair? But they got kids. How long?" Bella interrupted.

"15 years."

"Oh, I just had an epiphany." I said sarcastically, dropping my face inn my hands. "Why didn't she divorce him sooner? What was the whole point of being married?"

"Leah's 19, Seth just turned 18 last week." Bella reminded.

"Girls, I know. Leah, well you know Leah is a mommy's girl, she doesn't really care. Seth… isn't doing too well about it all."

"I wouldn't be either."

"Well, I was hoping that maybe you girls could start hanging around Seth. Harry's coming over for the game tomorrow, maybe you guys could pick up Seth on the way and hang out in the garage or whatever."

Interesting.

I looked at Bella, it was her and Jake's motorcycles at risk. But then I thought about the like festival in Port Angeles, mostly just music and food trucks. But nah, that would be too much like a date sort of thing. Bella's truck couldn't hold all of us, especially with Jacob and Seth having grown a foot over the past year and half. Destined to be tall.

"Yeah." Bella says, "Oh, I seen this car in Forks from Newton's today. I was thinking of buying it."

"What kind of car?" Dad asks.

"I don't know. But the guy said that it only needs a alter—something."

"Oh. I seen that car. It needs an alternator. It's actually a rip off. The miles are too high and would be a problem sooner rather than later."

"I got faith in Jake." Bella protests with a slight pout to her lip.

I almost choked on a french fry by the tone of her voice, they both looked at me as I composed myself, "Can't doubt Jake's mad skills." I said while lightly kicking Bella under the table.

"He did rebuild that beast out," Charlie says.

Bella kicks my shin, I groaned and kicked her back and masking my expression when Dad looked at me, "Maybe, we can find an engine and transmission to swap out of the car. Find some new parts. Wanna go half?"

"Like owning the car?"

"Yeah. I'm kind of in need of one. And we can swap whenever when it's done."

"Jacob would have a field day." Dad says chuckling to himself.

"Like a fat kid in McDonalds." I grinned.

"Naomi." Dad snapped steely.

"I'm sorry, can me butter cause I'm a roll tonight."

"Stop. It's getting worse." Bella gags dramatically.

"Hey, don't be a Richard." I retorted.

"Just stop." Dad counters.

"Okay." I yelped in pain when Bella kicked me again, I glared at her as she smiled, and Dad looked under the table when we started a mini war.

"Hey!"

After Charlie broke up the mini fight and dinner, Bella and I bickered about nonsense while cleaning the kitchen. Dad retired to the living room watching a hockey game. He was confused about our bickering until we disappeared into our room, she did her homework as I babbled about nonsense, when she was done we conversed over her many books.

"Do you think reading would help?" Bella asks glancing over at me as we examined her books littering the floor by genre, she pushed away the stacks of romance novels.

Only leaving a few, a survival one, some horror, and Quileute legend book, and some action or educational.

"Help what?"

"I…" She was preparing herself by the sudden change of her body language, "I seen him… last night with Jessica."

Whenever we say him, it was Edward. Especially for her.

"Explain."

"I seen this guy… by the car. I thought he was someone I had seen before. And then I seen him, but he wasn't. actually… there."

She's hallucinating Edward. Okay, not good. But she asked if reading would help. I had an insight into her asking if reading would help in this situation. Help her cope with it, she knew from experience with me to never just let it… go. If she was hinting at what she was with her eyes and insight, she knew she wasn't doing well.

"Yeah. Yes, it would actually. That why you bought the bikes?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. So… I feel like my rules… should apply here."

"I know. And that's why, I said something about it… Are you sure you're okay?"

I shrugged, "I feel numb. I'm not thinking about anything."

She was quiet for a moment; I looked at the titles of books for the fifth time.

"When's your next appointment?"

"Monday morning, and Wednesday morning."

"Are you… taking your meds?"

"Dad makes sure every morning."

"I'm sorry. I just worried."

"I'm worried about you too." If I subconsciously thinking about anything it was my little sister. "I really want to ask more questions but I don't want to hurt you."

"Same here." She says pushing back her hair over her shoulder.

"So, what should we do? Read? Make a book club?"

"Why not?"

"I was kind of joking but…"

"Saturday's at 7pm?"

"Sundays are always safest because of work."

"Sundays at 3pm? Pick up a pie or cheesecake?" Bella suggested.

"Swap between both?" I asked with a smiled.

"Maybe we can throw in some essay's? Oh and I have a college applications to hand out like by the end of the month."

"Where to?"

"The community college, online actually."

"What are thinking of majoring in?"

"Psychology."

I snorted, "What a coincidence."

Bella smiled, she shrugged, "Yeah, I know. But I don't know… it feels right."

"Go for it."

"What do you plan on doing for college?"

"Lawyer maybe, but I've never had the best IQ for it."

"Oh please. Academic Decathlon." Bella reminded me of my nerdy days in Arizona until I was 14.

"Before I moved out here."

"But you can still do it. It's still all up there." Bella encouraged with a poke to my forehead.

"Same with you, why are you going to the community college? You wanted to go to Phoenix University for the longest."

"Because… the Peninsula has grown on me."

I sighed, "Can't agree with that. I don't know if Oregon would accept me now, I decided to go."

"Oregon." She repeats, "Why don't we both apply?"

"That would include original essays." I remarked.

"We write about our lives." Bella suggests.

"I don't think they want to read that." I shook my head.

"The places we went with Mom, growing up with Mom. Our dreams. The reason we're even talking about this."

"Original thought." I hummed.

"Yup." Bella agreed quietly.

We continued staring at the books on the floor in front of us. I don't know how we sat there, but it had been awhile.

"Why… did you choose Seth… for your first time?" Bella asks as I blink out of my zone out, looking over at her.

She met my eyes and I was confused for a second but I realized what she was asking. I looked down at the floor and over at the books, I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"I don't know, honestly," I shrugged, I tilted my head towards her. "It kind of… just happened. We talked about it but I don't know. The parents found out about it from him and we've been banned from seeing each other. But that was so long ago and this recent news on Harry and Sue."

"I seen him tonight at Jakes."

I hummed.

"He asked about you."

I scoffed and opened my eyes, "He did?"

She nodded and looked at me from the books, "Yeah. He said he wanted to talk to you."

I hummed again, I looked back over at the books, "I don't even know what to say."

"Let him talk. Couldn't hurt."

I snorted, "Yeah, I was thinking that… I guess it couldn't hurt to hang out with the boys."

"Shouldn't Charlie be keeping us away from boys right now?"

I shrugged, "These boys are different. He watched these boys grow up."

She was the one who hummed next.

"You like hanging out with Jake?"

"Yeah. He's a good kid."

"He's a beanpole."

She laughed, "He said the same thing."

We talked, cleaned up the floor and went back to our respected beds, until she fell asleep, I didn't sleep that night though, either way.