Sorry for the notifications about this chapter. I had this chapter slipt at first and then it was supposed to all go together when I posted it last night. It didn't go how I wanted, I was half asleep finishing up last night but here it is. Sorry guys.

…

sun. 8 january, 2006

…

Bella and I looked at the rain coming down from the sky in buckets. A day filled with the Earth moping to intervene with plans of friendship and encouragement. I decided to change into my boots after realizing if we were going to be shopping for parts today, the junk yard was going to be muddy. Dad was excited about his day with his boyfriends babbling about the games on the TV today as Bella and I ate breakfast, I made French toast and eggs this morning and used up the remaining three strawberries. Dad held us up longer than planned and that indication about when Harry, Billy and Seth came cruising down the street and into the driveway.

I grinned at Harry as he walked into the house with Billy and his son behind him.

"What is with the grin, Naomi?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"Oh nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I can't greet you with a smile."

He rolled his eyes at me. I deflated and glanced over at Bella on my right, she looked up at me and a silent conversation passed between us.

"Hey!" Dad came out of nowhere and took the attention of the adults before Billy could say something to Harry who had glanced up at him.

Bella and I stepped towards the wall to let them continue until the house, I looked over at Seth closing the door. I almost had a heart attack… he looked a bit like he did in my dream… His hood from his hoodie is up and the rain had soaked the hood and the tops of his shoulders, he's also wearing jeans and sneakers, he wipes his face free of lingering water. My heart started fluttering in my chest. He got so scrumptious since we were 15, his dark brown eyes brightened for a moment and I felt blush rushing to my cheeks.

Curse old feelings for coming back. I forgot that he was also apart of Sam's gang around like the end of August. I can't believe I forgot about that, it was one of the major things that I forgot about what's been going on around La Push. I don't know who the other kids name is, I keep forgetting it even when Jacobs giant self keeps reminding me.

Do I have a thing for bad boys? I can't believe Seth out of all people joined it but after dads recalled information this morning that the group is working for the tribe. Something about the woods. I don't remember what he called it, I was half asleep and don't actually remember getting up this morning. Seth looked at me with a face as my face changed as I wondered over that little thought.

"Hey, Seth," Bella says, smiling kindly.

Seth looked over at her, smiling kindly, "Hey, Bella." He looked at me and then back to her, "Where are you two heading off to?"

"Gonna go see Jake or go to the movies." I replied.

"You want to come with?" Bella asks, she glanced at me swiftly.

Seth looked down at the hallway towards the living room, considering quickly, and back at us, "Yeah. It's better than being here when things hit the fan." Seth opens the front door and walks out into the sheeting rain.

Bella and I followed him outside and I closed the front door behind us.

"What do you mean about things going down? What are we missing?" I asked Seth once we were all in the cab of the ancient truck and Bella started the roaring engine.

I looked over at him to my right from my position in the middle, Seth and I simultaneously pushing back our hoods and separate hands going into separate head full of hair. Both of blinking at each other with realization and confusion.

"Uh, Charlie knows the guy Mom had an affair with."

"Oh." Was all I said.

Bella didn't say anything about it either, "I don't think we're all gonna fit in here while digging for parts. Jacob is huge."

I looked over at the house, "I'm not going back in there."

"Neither do I." Seth agrees.

Bella sighs, "Maybe we could stay in and watch movies?"

"And ruin Jakes day to work on motorcycles?" I asked.

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"Leah left some things for you that she couldn't take to her apartment," Seth says adjusting the sleeves of his hoodie, glancing at me. "You could by and grab them."

"Before or after shopping with Jake?" I asked blankly confused.

"I think that defeat the purpose of part shopping." Seth's eyebrows pulled together as he spoke.

I smirked, "Oh, so I get the Clearwater house to myself?"

"No, I'd be there."

My heart picked up a little in speed, "Oh." I said, I masked the nervousness in my voice but the butterflies beginning to float around started to get to me. His eyes flickered over my face before locking eyes with me again, "Okay." Seth's eyes flickered over my face again, and I tore my eyes from him to my little sister.

"That might work. I can swing by and pick you two up when we're done." Bella suggests.

I glanced over at Seth with heart increasing in speed a tad more. I felt my hands trembling in my lap.

"Sounds like a plan." Seth says.

My heart stuttered in my chest and I looked out the windshield as Bella put the truck into gear.

The three bedroom Clearwater house was… empty. Not just because of the people inside but because of the décor, the very… life of the house was gone. A lot of the furniture was gone. It was… horrible. I was glad Seth kept walking towards the staircase, I followed him up the stairs and to Leah's room, everything was gone expect for a box. I stood there in the door way staring into the cast emptiness of the room, I felt a wave of sadness and nostalgia as I gazed around the room.

This is heart breaking. I know that their older now, and I know it's natural to move on and move out. But nothing was… whole anymore. Two kids sets affected by one person's decision, a marriage wasted by one person's actions. I was going to miss the nights, the weeks I would spend in this house, I would never forget all of those memories. During summers when I was living here, I would spend weeks at the Clearwater's along with staging at the Black's, Leah was my best friend and my only friend. Seth and I took each other's virginity in his very bedroom, I remembered that like yesterday, I remembered we were just talking)in and then the next moment we were kissing and we didn't stop. I remember when Leah went to her first prom with Sam, the year before he disappeared and broke up with her, I remember those nights Leah and I would sneak out of her room to snuggle snacks into her room, I remembered the night we found Sue and Harry slow dancing in the living room to the thunderstorm outside.

I knew that they were in love and I wanted to experience that one long. But now… now I know that moment was tainted now because of another man. I don't think I could look at love the same… after this. I turned my head to Seth to my left looking at me, even though with my last train of thought, I wanted to love him… in some many ways. My heart jumped in my chest and he sadness washed over me again.

"I'm sorry about this," I apologized, feeling my shoulders droop.

He inhaled through his nose and looked into Leah's empty room, it was just a room now, "It' okay." Be looked back at me before walking down the hallway, "We got half the day ahead of us. What do you want to do?"

I followed him into his room that was much more lively, I shrugged as he turned to me as he laid down on his bed with a sigh. I kicked my shoes off at his bedroom door.

"I don't know." I walked over and climbed onto the bed and over him to get to the other side. "Hang out, I guess," I pushed my hair over my shoulders and looked around his room.

Seth snorted a snicker, "Only thing we can do. Mom took the TV with her."

"She took almost everything with her." I said absentminded.

He hums, "How are you and Jason doing?"

I felt pain stretch around my chest, I inhaled and exhaled as I laid back on the bed, "We broke up."

I felt his weight shift on the bed, I turned my head to look at him, he was looking at me as turned onto his side like he wasn't believing me. "When?"

"The other night." I replied.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I wanted to break up."

"You wanted to break up?"

I nodded staring the ceiling, "His father tried to shame me when I told him I wasn't going inside. His mother drove me home and told me everything."

"What'd she tell you?"

"That me coming to break up with Jason was a good idea because he got the Mallory girl pregnant. She's five months pregnant." I said the last sentence while looking back at him.

"What the…" Seth trails off, absorbing the information, he gazed back over at me. His eyes scrutinizing me, "Are you okay?"

His eyes were searching hard and I knew what he was searching for. His question was a trigger to let my hurt come out, my throat began to tighten but I didn't want to cry over this. There was no reason to cry over it but I knew there was. Five to six months ago I was in love and now all I was thinking about were those days when I felt like Jason was untrue and I ignored them all. I know he seen the pain in my eyes but I turned my head away, and walked the tears away before they could fill up in my eyes.

I nodded, clearing my throat, "Yeah. I should've known better," I glanced back at him.

Once I met his eyes again my attempts to stop the tears began to fill in my eyes and I turned my head to the left as I felt my face begin to break apart. The choking sob left my mouth I felt Seth's wrap around my right bicep.

"Rosy." He says gently.

And another sob left my mouth, I covered my face with my hands as my head turned towards the ceiling, the tears overfilling and my chest constricting.

"I didn't want to do this." My voice wavered and cracked as I spoke.

"Rosy, it's okay."

I sat up and wiped my face but tears continued to fall, I kept wiping them and Seth slide to my side. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I didn't tend to make you cry."

I wiped my face again, hot tears fell again, "It's not your fault." I leaned into him and rested my head on his chest, he smelt so good, I closed my eyes at my throat knotting.

His other arm comes around me and rubs my upper back soothing, "I'm here for you, you know that, right?"

"I know," I wrapped my arms around him with my voice cracking again, his arms closed tighter around me. "Thank you," my voice quivered as I pressed my head into his chest.

I started to cry again and this time I let it come and pass. Seth comforted me until I was calming down from hiccups. I wiped my face clear my tears that didn't continue to fall, my eyes were puffy and I know I was going to fall asleep soon, I can feel it now.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks softly, rubbing my back.

I hummed, "Yeah, feeling a bit better now."

I didn't want to say that I was feeling like that was the only cry I needed but who knows, maybe tonight or tomorrow it would come back. I turned my head to look up at him, he gazed down at me, his dark brown eyes were swirling like a molten chocolate galaxy, and it was more than anything that I prayed he wouldn't go anywhere. I leaned closer to him and kissed him, I wasn't consciously aware of my actions until I felt him kiss me back, and we pulled away looking at each other both stunned. My heart pounding against my ribcage while I was hoping I didn't just ruin everything. But we didn't fully part, his eyes searched mind before he leaned back towards me and I met him halfway and his lips met mine again.

So soft and so warm, he pulled me closer with one of his hands holding the back of my head. The next kiss was deeper it grew deeper and was soon broken with his lips going to other places. He kissed my cheek and my jawline, he tilted my head back and I felt his lips tease my neck and throat until he found a certain spot that made me moan softly and melt into him. I felt all of my self control flee the moment I kissed him but it continued to flee as he laid me down and made out with my neck. I pulled him closer, my back arched as I felt myself begin to pulse with harsh need for him, the soft moans leaving my mouth as he demanded submission through neck cheeks. I kept pulling him closer as he hovered over me, he weighted me down against the bed with his lower body tangling with mine and his hips pressing into mine. The single press against my hips was enough to make him melt against the bed and allow him to what he wanted.

And I wanted him to do whatever he wanted. He hiked my leg around his waist as he detached from my neck and kissed my mouth again, harder than before. I felt his hands rest on my hips and I pulled my shirt up, his hands slide up over my hips, and to my waist. I moaned at the contact, his hips pressed against me again, I pressed my hips back into his sighing against his lips at the satisfying sensation only to have the pulse between my legs increase and a whimper left my lips. He kissed me into submission with hard kisses with emotions I didn't want to think about right now. Seth grinds his hips into mine until the air in the room got extremely heavy and hard to intake.

Then it was a frenzy. We couldn't get our clothes off fast enough. I couldn't pull him back to me fast enough, I opened my legs for him to get back between, and he pushed me back against the bed with his hands on my barely existent breasts. He massaged and kneaded my breasts as he looked down at me, my hips wiggling to get my friction of his erection against my clit. My back arched as I mewled looking up at him with my chest heaving and my heart beat pounding against my ribcage, I know he could feel it under his palms, I mewled with anticipation lifting my chest into his hands.

I whimpered wiggling my hips back and forth feeling his erection against my clit. I bit my bottom lip, looking up at him through my lashes. He gazed down at me kneading the nipples of my breasts, my hands came up to his abdomen and his chest, his copper contoured in toned muscles that made him like a Native American god. He was so delicious, he was so handsome and the look he was giving me like the one he gave me when we were in this exact position three years ago. He replaced his hands with his mouth, the hot wetness of his mouth teasing my highly sensitive nipples was blissful and I could myself loosening and pulsing. He suckled on the swells of my breasts, and sucked my nipples into his mouth like they had offended him for leaving his mouth, hardening the soft pink flesh and making the color darken from arousal.

And then I felt it the moment he penetrated me, the unspoken love. The way he made love to me, and yes I say he made love to me because it was in his every move, his every look, his every kiss that left my lips red and swollen. The kisses on my neck that left marks behind. The way he moved erased all of my previous memories of sex, the way he moved had me unconsciously attaching myself to him, the way he moved left me light as a feather and the moans leaving me were different. His every look bore down into my soul, his every look was filled with unspoken emotions that he released through his thrusts, when he gathered me in his arms I had left my own marks on him. Nail scratch marks that left red welts along his back in various directions, the faces I made that only he could see now, the way my legs convulsed around his waist as I tried to push him away with cries of euphoria leaving my throat. I wanted to do this with him again.

I wanted to do it with him only.

We did it a couple more times after that. Another round just like that, and then he pinned my body down against his mattress flat down while he entered me with my legs together. And the last I was on top. The rest of the time we spent talking after showers until we heard the echoing roar of Bella's truck.

My neck had more hickeys on my neck, and I took advantage of the clothes in the box Leah left me because if Charlie sees more he's definitely going to have a problem. Last night I had been very lucky but I know that Seth's hickeys would give my father a heart attack. Leah gave me one of her turtle necks that I've been wanting for years, I pulled on the long sleeve and put my t shirt in the box. I went to pick it up when Seth walked in.

"Eph! I got it," He says and squats down to grab the box.

I watched him pick it up and stood back up, I stood up and followed him out the door. I would be an asshole to protest, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," He flashed me a sunny smile that made my heart flutter in my chest.

Back at Jacobs garage, Jake has their days spoils laid out on the plastic floor next to his toolbox. He was right at work and was turning his radio off when we entered. We all talked and laughed while Jacob combed expertly through the parts in front of him. Bella was fascinated with Jacob as he worked, I wasn't the only one who noticed it when Seth leaned in close to my ear.

"You see the way she's looking at him?" Seth whispers.

I nodded, trying to ignore the child he was giving me with his close proximity. My stomach growled interrupting Jacob's next story, Seth looked at me with a smile spreading across his face. My eyes narrowed at the look on his face and then we all heard Billy calling for us. I looked over at the door of the garage.

The day slipped from me. It got dark outside the mouth of the garage before I even expected it.

Bella jumped up to help Jacob put things away, hesitating because it looked like she wasn't sure what she should touch. I glanced at Seth as he stood from the floor next to me and I stood up after him, I looked down at Seth's hand intervening with mine.

"We'll meet you guys outside," Seth says leading us over to the door.

"Okay," Bella says, looking at the foreign objects again with anxiety.

"Sure, sure." Jacob agrees, looking between us swiftly before his head whipped to Bella. "Just leave it," Jake says to Bella, "I'll work on it later tonight."

"Don't forget your schoolwork or anything…"

I pushed hair out of my face and behind my ears and I glanced up at Seth whom met my gaze, "So, what-what are we?" I choked out the question my eyes unable to hold eye contact with him, his hand is so warm. So warm that I was surprised that not even if fingertips showed any sign of chill with the storm-frigid air of January in Washington. The air was crisp with the scent of the lingering moisture from the days consistent heavy downpour.

"What do you want us to be?"

"I was asking you that."

Seth huffs a breathy chuckle, he looks away with pension and then looks back at me, "Well… you know that I don't just… have sex with anyone." We stopped walking and he turned to me lowering his voice as he spoke.

"Sex means something to you."

"It means something to you too."

"Things haven't changed on that." Expect for Paul, the one time with Paul would always be a one time.

Just lust and that lust was gone now. Now that I think about it, the heat of their bodies was… similar. I took a mental note of it.

"They haven't… Well," He says looking up at the porch with Charlie and Billy on the back porch. "They have but only towards you."

My heart missed a beat, I looked back up at him, "Towards me how?"

"If I remember correctly we had sex earlier, a couple of times and I—"

"Where's Bella?" Dad calls across the large back lawn, cutting Seth off.

I looked over at the light turning off in the garage and back over to Dad, "They're coming!" I called back. I looked back up at Seth, "Yes and?"

"And I know you just got out of a relationship so whatever you want, we'll go at your pace."

"Is this your way of asking me out but not asking me out?" I glanced at him sideways with a fake accusing tone.

"Kind of. I don't want this to be a one time thing. I want to see you, I miss hanging out with you. And I don't want you to be confused about where you stand with me."

"I miss hanging out with you too," I had to force back a lot of the utter schoolgirl butterflies fluttering around my body. "I don't want this to be a one time thing either."

"So we figure it out along the way?" He suggested we walked forward three slow steps as we spoke.

"Sounds like the safest route."

We both stopped and turned to superficial, light laughter. Awkward laughter that was until my eyes fully adjusted to Jacob and Bella walking over. My eyes adjusted to their hand lock, and the hint of hysteria in Bella's laughter. Seth and I stayed where we were watching them pass by towards the little back porch with an awning.

"Uh," We said to each other, I guess he caught the awkwardness between them.

"Hey, Dad," they both said at the same time, and that started them laughing again.

Seth and I started walking forward again, Dad stared wide eyed at Bella, and flashed down to note Jacobs hand wrapped around hers. Dad looked over at me and Seth, he narrowed his eyes a bit.

"Billy invited us for dinner," Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone, his eyes showed the most of the reserved thoughts.

"My supper secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations," Billy said, gravely.

Jacob snorted a snicker, "I don't think Ragu's actually been around that long."

Harry was the only other person in the house when we all returned, and it was a bit crowded. Harry was a grouch most of the time and didn't want to join us to eat, he made a plate and told Seth he would pick him up in an hour or so. I was missing Sue and Leah. There were too many of us to eat at the kitchen table so we took chairs out the lawn, and we ate spaghetti off our laps. Dad and Billy talked about the game, and Dad and Jacob made fishing plans. Jacob talked to Bella mostly and that was fine, I talked to Seth.

I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here with him.

This was Washington, though, the inescapable rain had doomed the party and eventually bringing Harry along with it's heavy pour. After Harry made an acknowledgment to Seth's shift in the morning, it also reminded me of mine and it was way past my bedtime too, and it ruined the get-together with his sour mood. Dad had driven up with Billy after a disagreement with Harry at the house during one of the football games, he told me all about it on the ride home following Bella.

I felt myself tingle and pulse as I stared at myself in the mirror in the bathroom as I thought about my orgasm from Seth Clearwater after my shower. I was staring at the unrecognizable brightness of my skin, the flush of my cheeks and the hickeys on my neck and over my chest, and the person in the mirror staring back at me. I had mind blowing sex with Seth earlier for a couple of times, and I didn't want to leave my father's bathroom because I was too afraid to confront what was to come next. Would we do this more often? Would we become… something? Would we drift apart after this out of fear that what I read from Seth was just lust?

What made me kiss him in the first place? Was it because I just wanted to go fell something other than pain? Or was it because I wanted him to know my feelings? Was it because after he rejected me and then I got hurt by somebody else that I still wanted him to know I loved him? Was it because I had already prepared myself for the worst with Jason before I went to his house and I had a chance with Seth? I know none of it is meant to hurt him, or have the intention of hurting him, but I felt like I just made things so much more complicated.

I did eventually leave the bathroom. What if there was a place where none of my problems were none existent and how long it would until I reached that point? When I wasn't around Seth, I felt like gravity was gone and I falling and floating in open space and being pulled in so many directions with the consistent spiral of my mind. When I was around, I felt like gravity was under my feet and I felt like just with his presence he kept me in place.

And if he left again, I knew that gravity would leave me again and I would a burning chaotic planet. He made me calm like lake that flowed with ease and elegance. It has always been like that and I know that I can't get attached to him, it was only doomed for me to be left alone, but I was already attached again on a deeper level. As I laid down that night, I couldn't help but replay the day and have flashbacks of his every move, his every kiss, I turned onto my side and curled up with a stupid smile on my face.

I guess I really did dodge a bullet.

Work the next day was the same, expect for a couple of customers, I swept the store eight times. I cleaned walls and flooring trails, I wiped down the racks and the counters and shelves. I cleaned the bathroom five times, and I tidied up the office. Swept and mopped in there, all throughout the day. I opened up the front doors to bring in the fresh air to filter out most of the strong citrus chemicals. I sat by the doors and crossed my ankles and just waited for anyone. The owner came in around one and I almost had a heart attack when he said he was going on the computers and whatnot.

I really hope he wasn't looking anything specific. But then he said this.

"Starting new week I'm having renovations done on the building to expand the store. You'll get paid time off for two weeks, if that's how long it's going to take for the construction. Later this week, I'm going to come in and talk to you about the future plans of new hires and the added inventory." He says while he walking towards the doors handing me a paper, in a haste.

"Oh okay," I didn't know what to say so abruptly, as soon as I took the paper from him he was out of the doors in a flash.

I closed one of the doors and cracked open the other, I sat back down reading over the paper. Just business things.

Paul didn't show, and I was honestly grateful, but I was done when Bella dropped by after school. I dropped her off at work and drove back to the highway through back roads and a little rain shower started falling down again. I found myself driving towards the Clearwater house, I remembered Dads fight with Harry and I turned around and drove back towards the way home. I decided to call Seth instead of having an encounter with Harry.

I called twice when I got home but I got no answer. I decided to wait for him to call but I couldn't focus on anything than wanting to talk to Seth. See him even. I know it was risky right now being right out of relationship and waiting for someone else, but if I had to honest, I didn't care about that in all truth. I waited though while watching TV. Dad came home from work early and we ordered a pizza. And then I was on my way to pick Bella up from work, I left early not paying attention to the time. I called again when we got back in the house.

I had to be more cool about this. But ugh, it was hard and I wasn't like this with Paul. It was like this with Jason. This was different. Nothing with Seth or anything involving my feelings with Seth, was different. Intense and restless.

But I needed to be more cool, I needed to relax. I just needed to relax. Relax and just let it all play out. This is Seth we're talking about. Seth works and he will call. My mind went quiet and I began to force myself to relax.

The night was quiet watching the game with Dad. Bella was upstairs emailing and doing homework when I went to annoy her like an annoying sibling. I dreamt about Seth that night. And it was the same dream as it always was but the ending was different.

I walked aimlessly through the forest that I use to scour with the kids from the Reservation. I walked aimlessly alone. I didn't know where I was walking to but I couldn't get there fast enough that's all I knew. I was running, I wasn't walking. I was running towards something. The reason I didn't know. I ran and I ran as my legs began to burn with the extended effort through the dark forest covered with moss, my sneakers soaked with mud, I was cold and very aware of the frigid rain flinging from the sky through the trees.

I knew this was a dream because of the reality of the fact that I would not be running through the forest at night, especially in the rain, the reality of me running steadily was definitely a fantasy of mine. I was infamously clumsy, clumsier than my baby sister who seemed to get her stuck in the stairs railings less than I would while running through the house with controlled chaos. Well not controlled, I couldn't tell you how many times I've fallen up the stairs, my feet deciding to not work and letting me fall on my face, my head stuck in stair railings or my legs and arms. It was more often than not that I would fall getting out of my bed, or mysteriously smacking my head off something. So, I was fully convinced this was a dream because I have not fallen once or smacked my head on an imaginary wall yet, not to jinx myself but it was definitely coming if my mind would allow such flaws in my unconscious adventure.

As I came to an opening within the forest, the clearing consisted of the fallen trees, boulders, soil and grass lined in an trees lining the clearing in an uneven oval. I stopped in surprise at the boy in middle of the clearing, the rain slowing unnaturally to mist, I took two slow steps into the clearing as the tall boy in nothing but shorts turning around to me. The first thing I noticed was the sun beginning to peak through the thick dark grey clouds cover, the mist sparkling as it fell from the thinning clouds, the second thing I noticed was that I was dreaming about Seth Clearwater again. This dream is different, he's half naked which is… strange.

He was grinning his signature grin, bright and kind, his copper skin tone glowing under the sun rays and he was absolutely stunning to see. It made me feel like a school girl all giddy and bashful, this eighteen year old was appearing in my dreams more often and I honestly couldn't understand why. Was it because of our history? Or was it just because I missed him. I don't know but I felt myself begin to slip from this dream into awareness as he continued to grin at me with a intense fire in his dark eyes that I couldn't understand. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to stay here and talk with him.

I wanted to look at him up close with the sparkling mist falling around him and dampening his short cropped black hair, I wanted to be enveloped in his arms. I wanted to feel his body against mine, the warmth that was radiating from through the frigid air was inviting and intoxicating. I wanted to stay with him here. I wanted to stay with him here forever. In this peace. In this consistent brightness of hope and faith. In this warm protection.

"Hey, Rosy." He says as his hand reaches out to my face, his skin was hot but soft and rough at the same time. His palm and fingers left a fuzzy tingling sensation with the skin contact, he kissed me with so much emotion that my heart began to beat frantically in my chest as I melted into him and kissed him back.

When he pulled away I could feel the smile stretch across my face. He looked at me like I was the only girl on Earth. He looked at me like I was the only thing, only person, he could ever need. His dark brown eyes bright and glistening, the sparkling mist floating around us made him look like an angel. But there was something else, there was something hidden under him and I didn't know if I wanted to know what it was but this moment right here.

I wanted to stay here forever. I wanted to stay here where he cared. Where that fire in his eyes burned brightly for me, unconditionally. I wanted to stay here where he loved me.

"I love you."

He made love to me with the mist falling onto our bodies that waved war with the chill but his body was so warm I didn't feel anything but him.

…

tues. 10 january, 2006

…

The next day I woke up four hours after my shift was supposed to start. I called my boss about not feeling well this morning but I would in tomorrow morning. I didn't know what to do with myself after that call. I couldn't go to work because everyone that had a car were at their respected destinations and Billy couldn't take me because he didn't have one. Harry was fighting with Dad. Bella's at school.

I sighed heavily beating myself up about missing work and trudged up the staircase to the bathroom. I walked back into my room quickly to escape the chilly air that was drafting through the house and I made a mental note to make sure all the windows were closed. But when I turned around I found the source of the frigid air with an open window, and a very T'd Paul Lahote standing near the wide open window with light snow flurries floating into the room. He is quivering in his arms and shoulders and he sucked in an sharp breath as he over looks me, I pulled my towel tighter around my body.

I didn't like the way he was looking at me, he looked like he wanted to eat me but not in a good way, he looked like he was going to punch on me in a harmful sense.

"You're fucking Clearwater?!" he demanded through his teeth, shivering heavily before he inhaled and clenched his fists.

"How do you know about that?" I demanded.

He took one step and swatted at the end of Bella's bed frame, breaking the wood in half cleanly and I stumbled back into the door, grabbing the doorknob.

"Answer my question." He growled.

I swear on my life he growled like he was an animal.

"Yes, I am. And anything I do now is none of your business. Look what the fuck you did to my sisters' bed!"

"I don't give a flying fuck about your sister or her bed." He was so angry, and I was never afraid of boy like this. Nervous to be around but never scared. The way he fell into this very stance, like a predator.

"Get out." I said in a firm voice, glaring at him.

My heart slamming so hard against my ribcage I thought it was going break my bones, it hurt and I was praying on my life that I could get away from him. Really hoping he would just get out. He came in through the window, he better leave through the window, and really hope he never came back. My dad will shoot if I tell him he came in here, I should logically but I don't know why but something told me not to. Strongly. But what if he came by the store when I was working? Would I have the same luck if he would just leave like he always does?

I heard he gets mad but I've never seen him get mad.

"So, that's it?" He asked, "We fuck once and that's it?" I hear the honest pain edging in his voice.

"Yes, Paul. Get out."

"Who did it better?" He asked.

I blinked at him again, "What?"

"Should I really spell it out?" He asked through clenched teeth.

Whoa. Wait. Is he fucking serious? Is he talking about the sex?

"You're asking me who did it better?" I blinked at him, "Are you a child?"

"Just answer the question and I'll leave." He says more calmly, until he glanced out the window.

"I plead the fifth." I answered, simply.

Paul glared at me as he walked back towards the window and sucked out with the help of his hands against the window frame. Once he was gone, I went over to the window and closed it, and then I locked it. I pulled the curtains shut. And then fell to the floor with the help of the wall with my body trembling and staring at the broken bedframe.

"What the fuck…." I put my head between my knees.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's think logically about this, it could be fixed, Paul will stay away. Case closed.

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm fucking crazy for thinking that was logical. How. The. Fuck. Did he break that fucking wood?

I paced around the room freaking the fuck out. I didn't know what to do about Paul. I didn't know what to do about the bed. I didn't know if I wanted to leave the safety of the bedroom. I couldn't stop shaking. I spent half an hour trying to relax.

I can't believe that just happened. My thoughts began to spiral as I fled from the bedroom room to the phone and called Dad at the station immediately.

"Hello, Chief Swan."

"Dad, Paul broke Bella's bedframe." Now I know for a fact I should've said something else.

"What? Naomi, what is Paul doing in the house?"

"I didn't let him. He snuck in through the window."

"The window? I told you to keep the windows locked."

"I thought I got them all." I defended.

He sighed, I can hear the stress in his voice, "Naomi, why was Paul Lahote there? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." Maybe I fucked him on Saturday but that's not important. "I was in the shower, I go back to the room to get dressed and then he's there. He starts demanding questions and when I started demanding questions, he broke Bella's freaking bed frame."

He sighs again, "Naomi Rose." He doesn't believe me, "I'll be there in an hour." He's pissed.

…

Dad turned to me after looking at the end of Bella's bed frame, his ear and neck were red and it was spreading to his face. I deflated clasping my hands in front of my chest as I prepared for his angry lecture. He came later than he said he was but I found out why after a call from Billy.

"Naomi Rose Swan." He turned to me fully, putting his hands on his hips. "Why was Paul Lahote here? And what the fuck happened to your damn neck?!"

"Naomi? Dad?" I heard Bella call from the front of the house. "You home?"

"We're home. Stay out of there, Bella!" Dad calls, the anger in his voice. "Answer me Naomi."

"I told you he snuck in through the window! Nothing, I don't want to talk about it."

"He snuck in or you let him in?! Because if you don't tell me what the hell happened to your neck I'm only going to assume something else happened here today Naomi!"

"Nothing else happened, I swear! I was alone until I got out of the shower to him coming through the window!" I didn't but that was literally the way he got into the house.

"Why are you talking to that boy?! I was expecting different things to deal with after your break up but this is ridiculous, Naomi! How did he do this?!"

"I don't know! He just." I gestured with a swing of my arm towards the end of my own bedframe, I winced and clutched my hand at the sharp pulsing pain from the collision the wood. "And then it broke." I ran a hand through my hair, huffing out an exhale.

"Naomi Rose!" He wasn't buying a word.

Did I really have to do this? Did I really have t tell my father about my sex-life? It seemed like the only thing that would suffice.

"I know who Paul is. I wasn't expecting a relationship with him. It was just sex, but it didn't happen today." I added quickly.

"Why would you have sex with Paul Lahote in the first place?!"

"Because I wanted to, and it's going to happen again!"

"Was that why he was here? Because he wanted to do it again?!"

"No! He was asking about Seth."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Naomi! Who did that to your fucking neck?! You had one hickey and I was able to tolerate that much! You were hanging out with two boys yesterday!" He held up two fingers and scrutinizing me heavily. "Or did you go see Paul? Oh…" He stopped, thinking about something, the vein in his beginning to pop out of his forehead. "Wait, a min—Naomi Rose!"

"What?" I squeaked, throwing my hands up.

"Did you have sex with Seth?!" He demanded, exasperated.

I stopped, I cleared my throat, my hands came up to my chest as I tapped my pointer fingers together, I looked away, "I—uhm."

"Oh, for the love of God, Naomi! Are you serious?" He put his hands back on his hips.

"Now it's different with Seth than it is Paul."

"Eph! Eph! Eh! I don't want to hear about it. Did he do that to your neck?"

I looked everywhere but him, avoiding his gaze, shrinking away.

"Maybe."

"Oh, sweet Jesus. Naomi, your medication is affecting your birth control. Don't you remember what the fucking doctor said?!"

What? What is he talki—oh. Oh. Oh, shit. My medication has been clashing with my birth control and throwing my period out of whack, or let's just say I came home three months crying telling Dad that my birth control wasn't working and I needed to get an abortion.

Dad had a freak out but I had all of my birth control stuff on me and my discharge papers from the hospital and then my OBGYN had to change my birth control pill after conversing with my psychiatrist, but I had been using condoms with Jason since. I didn't use any with Paul and Seth, oh I am such a whore. But I was aware I was on the pill, but I should've remembered that one thing about it.

"Yeah, that's what I thought!" He glares at me, "I am not taking you to the clinic again, Naomi."

"Dad, there's nothing to worry about!"

"Like fucking hell there is! Do you understand the situation you put yourself in? With both of them?!"

"Yes, Dad, Paul was just a one-time thing and Seth and I are figuring it out!"

"Lower your tone."

I sighed, and crossed my arms, "Paul was just a one-time thing, I was excepting a relationship or dram with him. Seth and I figuring it out, we talked about this already."

"What? Paul or your birth control."

"Neither."

"Then what did you talk about?!"

"Spending more time together, and other things with this," I gestured awkwardly to my neck, I looked away and recrossed my arms, I looked down at the floor before I looked back up at him.

"That's it?"

"No, other things but nothing about what we did or Paul. Just random conversations."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Naomi, do you understand what you caused?"

"No."

"I talked with Billy after I talked to you. I guess those boys were brawling over something he would've tell me about."

"Brawling? Seth doesn't fight."

"Oh, he does now! Do you understand that those boys think you were only with one of them?" He asks leveling his gaze on mine.

I didn't think about that at all. I'm such a whore. "Oh."

"Yeah. Get your things straightened out Naomi. And soon. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"You will pay for a bed frame for Bella."

"Okay." I replied quietly, my body going numb as the situation settled over me again. It settled over me in a way that I didn't emerge from the room for the rest of the day. I beat myself up over my actions from the past week, I was pretty sure that I just fucked up everything and I knew there was no way for me to fix it.