Present Day

One day soon this is all going to make sense.

But it didn't.

Nothing made sense, not the familiar voices in her ear, not the faces she couldn't bring up in her minds eye, not what they were saying.

When it does know that we love you.

We never meant to lie to you.

Who were they? What had they lied about, what was happening? Why didn't she know?

Why didn't she know?

The conflict of emotions, confusion, frustration and the strangest yet deepest sense of longing was so strong it threw her out of what had been a peaceful sleep, with such force she didn't know where she was. Hell, who she was. Just that she had the strongest urge to start crying, until the gentle brush of a thumb over her cheek had her eyes snapping to the man it was connected to.

Jay.

She always knew Jay.

"Hey. You okay?"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be angry about."

"Then… you don't need to be angry." He said slowly and even though that didn't feel right she trusted him. Trusted the hand still caressing her cheek and the one on her back, the rhythmic motions lulling her back to sleep.

But sleep wouldn't come.

Tess wanted it to, desperately, she so rarely slept so deeply or so peacefully but no matter how close she got to Jay or how completely he wrapped himself around her it refused to take her. And though it didn't make sense she couldn't help but feel like it was intentional, like she needed to remember the dream that had already slipped away, nothing left but that sense of confusion. And longing, so familiar she knew it could only come from one place. One person. Two. So since there was no point staying in bed she snuck a peek over her shoulder to see if sleep had found her love, unsurprised to find him still watching her. He almost never slept before she did, not unless his body made him; there wasn't anyone in the world who was as attuned to her as he was. Who loved her the way he did.

It was why she didn't need to say anything for him to sit them upright, unbothered as he padded behind her as she made her way to the pool. There was a twinge of regret she hadn't been able to sneak off, then guilt knowing he would've found her anyway but it wasn't as strong as it had been a few months ago and when they settled by the waters edge she was grateful. She'd spent enough time alone.

"ʔink hismis, c'a aktiič̓aqstim." Jay mumbled to himself but where there was peace in his voice the words rang like a bell inside her mind, harsh but true.

Lasting in a way she couldn't help but appreciate.

"I can't believe you still remember how to say that."

"I can't believe you thought I'd forget." His genuine offense made her smile and for a few minutes they were quiet, just watching the water until his head moved from leaning against hers to resting on her shoulder. "Want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"I don't know. I don't remember any dreams but I… I don't know, I just keep thinking of my parents. I just can't help feeling that they want me to know something."

"They're proud of you." He whispered and though he'd never met them she believed him. Even without him she knew it was true but it wasn't until he pressed a kiss to her temple that she started to relax, even more when she felt his lips turn up in a smirk. "You could always try astral projection if you really want to speak to them."

Jackass.

He'd take any opportunity to tease her, never mind that he'd been stunned speechless the first time she'd informed him the agency had actually confirmed the phenomenon. In the seventies no less. But try as she might, and she had, she'd never been able to do it herself, though his joke made her want to try again. Just not right now. The longing for her parents was as strong as it had ever been but the confusion and frustration that had woken her were gone now, soothed by his presence and she wanted to bask in it. Which was why it made her so happy when she felt his head start slumping onto her shoulder, shortly followed by his quiet snores.

She meant it when she said Jay almost never fell asleep before her. She used to feel guilty about it because nine times out of ten she was the one keeping him up but he'd explained a long time ago he didn't just not care, he actually liked it. It hadn't made sense, not for years, until the first time he'd come off a shift so tired he'd finally fallen asleep before her. Then she'd gotten it. How nice it was to hold someone when they were at their most vulnerable, how good it felt to help them stay that way, to keep their nightmares at bay and hold the dawn off as long as possible. To know you were giving the same love and protection they showered you with. So even though she had to very slowly scoot them backwards before his weight pushed them into the pool Tess didn't wake him; she might not remember what she'd been dreaming of but she remembered the feeling of warning.

Life was about to hit them again, hard if her gut was right and they needed to be ready for it and Jay had taught her ready didn't just mean prepared, it meant steady. And nothing made her steadier than he did.

"Tink!" She couldn't help her small laugh at Kevin's greeting; original it may not be but she didn't think she'd ever tire of the nickname.

Or ever stop being grateful for how easily and warmly the Hunkules had accepted her.

"She'll help you." He said as he quickly stepped away from his girlfriend, or more accurately her computer.

"You couldn't help her?"

His mouth opened then closed as he thought through his answer before settling on bowing his head with a grin. "I can't do better than the master."

She heard, and ignored, Jay's snort to look over Vanessa's screen, the younger woman giving her an admittedly pathetic look that had her own partner hiding a laugh. "I hate computers."

"Well they don't hate you."

"I think they do."

"If Adam can figure it out, then so can you."

"Hey!" The man waved them off when they raised their brows, he'd been more confused than anyone, which was why she knew he was listening when she turned back to Vanessa. The boy was as stubborn as her.

They both were.

"Walk me through what you're trying to do."

One of the first things Sam had asked her to do after officially agreeing to work with CPD, after an initial review of her colleagues in the ivory tower was to design a new operating system. It wasn't hard work, she'd created similar ones for other agencies and Intelligence had graciously agreed to be her guinea pigs for this one. Some of them, Adam, Vanessa and Hank a little reluctant but still willing, for which she was thankful. And not just because they provided a much needed source of humour, or because she'd stopped worrying they didn't want her around or that her presence was going to cause problems; it had, it was but if they still wanted her Tess was done fighting to be alone. It had taken time, and a fair share of drama, and trauma but she finally felt like she was truly a part of their team instead of Jay's well-connected girlfriend.

It was a good feeling, relaxed like home, a warmth that grew as she accepted the teasing when they realized it hadn't been Vanessa who messed up but an oversight in her program. Which, as she pointed out, was why she wanted their help. Being the cities top unit meant in some way or another they coordinated with every department and since their combined experience already covered patrol, Narcotics, Gangs, Robbery Homicide and Organized Crime their input was invaluable. Making sure the system worked smoothly for them would mean it worked for the rest of the force, though she'd been careful not to rely solely on them. Sam had selected the best units in each division to make sure the feedback was as well rounded as possible, and as she and Voight had pointed out to ensure no one thought she was playing favourites.

She was, and the whole force knew it, and why but that didn't mean she wanted anyone thinking that meant she didn't respect them, their efforts or their sacrifices.

No matter the field, there was always some kind of politics.

But she was holding the line.

It wasn't as hard as it used to be but fuck was it different. She'd always known she and Jay didn't fight the same way but it was one thing to see it from her perspective and a whole other to see it from his. A wake-up she didn't just appreciate but recognized she'd needed, and more importantly that he'd deserved. And had waited a long time for. Since the day Jay decided to join the force, hell, the day she'd thought about suggesting it Tess had started thinking about this because while she'd never felt comfortable saying it she'd always wanted to work with him. It had just… taken them a while to get here. Which made her all the more protective of what they'd built but as good as she was she couldn't predict everything.

And she couldn't be in two places at once.

She liked being in the bullpen, being in the middle of all the witty banter, heated exchanges and quiets moments of solidarity but the constant shuffling paperwork, ringing phones, tapping feet, clicking pens and popping fucking gum could… Overstimulate her. So she'd agreed immediately when Jay suggested she set up downstairs as well. It hadn't caused any problems thus far but all it took was two stories and a coward who knew how to hide his face to send her into a tailspin. Normally it wouldn't have, Paquette might be an ass but he wasn't a threat- hadn't been at least but with Malcolm's silent but certain confirmation that someone was targeting her she was looking at everyone differently. Almost everyone. But even if Paquette was another plant her biggest worry wasn't the harm he could cause but the harm Jay would do to him.

She nearly tripped over two tactical officers and three patrolmen on her rush up to the bullpen, including poor Caminetto who's shoulder was still in a sling. So of course that was the one she accidentally rammed into when she threw herself around a corner, promising she'd give a better apology later. Just as soon as she-

She wasn't going to be able to stop the bloodshed.

Tess made sure to compose herself before walking into the bullpen but as soon as she saw Jay she knew Paquette had said or done something that had him questioning their history. And the minute he saw herthey both knew his assumption was right. Her one time handler barely started sneering before he was whirling as Jay charged him but not fast enough to stop the fist aiming for his nose. Or strong or coordinated enough to stop from being taken to the floor.

Everyone froze, Jay didn't lose his temper often and certainly not to this extent but they were all trained to react to violence and they did. But they'd also learned to trust her and when they saw her upraised hand they stopped; she hadn't even felt herself lift itbut she knew she wasn't going to lower it. Not yet because this…

This wasn't a spark in gunpowder it was a geyser breaking free and it had been quietly raging for a long time. So even when Jay grabbed his throat, squeezing as he continued beating his face in she didn't do anything. Even when the crunch of breaking bone echoed through the bullpen and shock turned to horror, confusion to judgement. Everyone but Adam she noted distantly and only because he made his own motion to stop Hailey from stepping in, trusting whatever justice Jay was doling out was deserved. It was only because she glanced his way she saw the man at the top of the stairs, situational awareness fail so she quickly noted his passivity, though she swore there was a flicker of satisfaction. And remorse? The sound of Paquette choking on his own blood brought her attention back to Jay and though reluctant she finally stepped forward to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. Warranted or not guilt warred with love when he immediately pulled back, though not without one last blow, a hard stomp on his privates she was tempted to copy. No one would blame her for it, not once they knew but the truth was Jay had enough rage for the both of them because right now she was…

She was not okay.

She got better as he stepped over him to stand beside her, his hand hovering over her back, no doubt not wanting to get blood on her shirt. She wouldn't have minded but once again a groan brought her focus to the situation at hand. "Nice to see you again."

"Fucking-"

"I would've thought you'd have learned to choose your words more wisely."

Paquette snarled as he pushed himself to his knees, a sorry sight with his face bashed in but he quieted, though whether that was due to her or Jay's fierce glare was anyone's guess. "I'm here-"

"I know why you're here. It's not my fault you didn't think about who else would be. Besides. Sometimes we have to do things we find distasteful. For the mission." Tess said coldly, at least it sounded that way but she couldn't feel it. Couldn't feel anything. "Clean yourself up and come back when you can play nice."

If looks could kill she'd be dead.

But then so would he, and he still might be if the way Jay was silently vibrating beside her was any indication so like a good coward he shoved his feelings down and stood. One last glare to her and an embarrassed flush to the man he'd come in with and he was covering his face as he made his way back downstairs.

Another spectacle for patrol to gossip over.

All she wanted was to go sit in the broom closet but as one the room looked to the other man. The one looking at her with a quiet understanding that had her bones quaking.

"I'm CSIS."

Canadian? The agency not giving her a heads-up was normal but she had good relations with her northern home. Right?

"We're working a joint op- last night we found out our target has plans to come to Chicago in the next couple of days. I suggested a phone call." He explained with a light shrug, not casual but confident composure. "He said it wasn't necessary."

Lesson learned.

For him.

"Feel free to help yourself to a beverage." She said with a wave to the break room, grateful for his simple nod though she couldn't shake the feeling there was more to him than she knew. But she didn't have time to focus on that right now.

She had an explanation to give.

Seven years and three families later it would've been nice if it was easier, if she wasn't imagining a crumpled dress where that puddle of blood was but it wasn't. And she was. "That… is the handler who sent me in as an escort."