Seven Years Ago
"You know, my offer still stands." Noah said casually but he was smirking as he glanced at Jay, the tension from last week now replaced with a conspiratorial vibe that made her a lot more nervous.
When she wasn't appreciating it like she was now.
"One day." Jay replied with a chuckle but he was serious as he looked her over, the same contemplative look he'd had for the last two hours. "Once I figure out what I want."
"My name, obviously." She joked, careful to move slowly as she winked at Noah. "Right on your ass."
"Personally I think a tramp stamp would look better." Her friend added, still smirking as Jay gave her a deadpan look.
"You wouldn't do that for me?"
His resigned breath made Noah laugh and though Jay rolled his eyes he was quick to give her hand a squeeze when the needle went over a particularly sensitive spot. He had been overly excited to sit with her for this but she supposed after seven years of coming home with tattoos it was past time for him to see the process. And while she would never care if he got inked himself it was fun to watch him think about what he might want. She just wished she could have seen his face when he'd decided what she was getting. To be fair he'd been insistent it was a suggestion, a lot more tentative than she liked, especially considering how well he knew her. Because as soon as he'd explained his idea, after Isiah had stolen his thunder of telling her, Tess had immediately fallen in love with it.
A tree.
A sequoia to be specific, which although there weren't any in Tofino were, according to Jay, a symbol not just of the island but of her too. And though she never would've made the comparison herself, what was not to like about being called strong, proud and timeless?
The only thing that confused her was the placement; she'd assumed her spine, and so had Noah, but though Jay hadn't been able to explain why he hadn't agreed. So they'd gone with her side instead, not the most comfortable spot but she was no stranger to pain. And for the proud look in his eyes as he watched it come to life she'd endure a thousand needles. Though the longer Noah worked the more she thought Jay's likelihood of getting his own went down. The man might have no problem charging a machine gun, actually enjoyed it, but pick up a needle and he started quaking in his combat boots.
So while he held her hand and played with her hair Tess made silly faces to keep him distracted. Noah helped too, telling stories Jay had never heard or giving his perspective on ones he had; it was odd to watch the slow forming bond between them but she couldn't deny she liked it. Really, considering how fraught her reasons were for coming here things were going remarkably well. The last five days had flown by, the first few spent watching Jay continue to putter around the cabin, occasionally getting exasperated when she 'got in his way' but it only ever took a pout and his ire melted. And it was nice, to see things get put back together, to watch him smile as he and Sam chatted with the repair men. She even enjoyed fighting with him about who got to cook their first dinner on the newly fixed oven, which by all rights should have been her but they'd settled for him grilling steaks while she roasted potatoes and green beans.
They didn't avoid talking about what had happened, Jay had actually been quite insistent that, so long as she was ready, she not hold any detail back so though it had still been through tears at some points she'd told him exactly how things had gone down. It was painful, the worst they'd ever endured but for every moment she relived and every image Jay created in his own mind they'd answered with long walks along the beach and stargazing, taking time to simply be with each other. And it worked. There were still times she felt ashamed, it would take a lot more than a week to work through those feelings but she had no doubt she would.
And through it all Jay was at her side. If not in person, because there had been moments she'd needed space, then always in spirit. Sometimes, more and more lately, Tess felt like she didn't deserve the way he loved her but strong as that guilt was getting she wasn't ever going to stop being grateful for it.
And he wasn't the only one she was grateful for.
"Knock, knock."
"Piss off."
She and Jay shared a grin at the sibling banter before she craned her neck to find Isiah poking his head through the doorway. "1, that's rude, and 2, I'm not here for you."
"They're busy." Noah replied, of course without bothering to lift his head, and of course perfectly timed as he returned his brother's middle finger.
"Well too bad cause I've got another white boy."
"What?"
"Another one?"
"Greg?"
Jay had it right and he stood just as the other man hesitantly stepped around Isiah, his face unusually somber as he scanned the room. Tess couldn't help but smile at the wry tug of his lips when he noted Jay's growing beard, wilderness meant no razors apparently, but it was his soft pride when he caught a glimpse of her tattoo that acted as another pail of glue.
"What're you doing here? We talked about this."
"No, you talked. I listened. And I was fine with that. Until I wasn't." Greg countered, not angry but serious, holding Jay's stare until his friend gave a small nod that was understanding, respect and apology all in one.
His nickname might come from his quiet nature but make no mistake he could send lions running.
A mouse and a moose. A bond that was entirely their own and this time she resolved to honour the shame that filled her when his head quirked as he turned to her, his eyes as full of love as they were heartache.
"Whatever goes on between you two as a couple, and whatever goes on between us as a thruple, we're still family. Always." He promised, soft but strong- not like steel but iron. "And I get you needing space and I'm sorry if my being here upsets you, I don't need to be at your side 24/7 but I am going to support you-"
Tess didn't feel herself move but the next thing she knew Jay and Noah were calling out warnings, unnecessarily because Greg avoided her tattoo completely, and easily, looping one arm around her hips while the other cradled her head. "Silly girl, isolation is for hermits."
It was.
And she wasn't one.
She'd tried, but no one would let her be.
"Could've been us."
She was laughing at Isiah's comment before she broke away from Greg, and laughed louder at his the more the merrier response, until she caught sight of their brothers' worried faces. How long was it going to take until people stopped waiting for her to have a breakdown?
"We can finish that up tomorrow." Noah said quietly, shooting her a half-apologetic, half-he-had-the-right-to-feel-how-he-felt look, the same one Jay was giving her and they relaxed as quickly at her understanding nod.
"I'm good to keep going if you are."
"Hell yeah. About to time we get to see one in action." Mouse added, taking the stool Jay had vacated as she laid back on the bed. "Can you add a moose in the background?"
Like he had with Jay Noah gave him a long once over before rolling back to her side. "That's your nickname for her?"
"Pretty accurate don't you think?"
"Everyone thinking she's a gentle little thing until she charges?" Isiah answered with a grin, bringing two more chairs over for he and Jay as they settled around her. "Yeah, that sounds exactly like her."
That sounds exactly like her.
A gentle little thing until she charges.
Exactly like her.
It was true. And it was comforting, to be surrounded by people who knew her, who loved her, who noticed with curious glances and sympathetic smiles that she was different from who they'd known but still so obviously believed she was the same. That was nice. Reassuring. Heartening.
It just also made Tess want to peel her skin off.
Most of that came from the number stares she was getting, and that she hadn't wanted to come out tonight but part of it was just the dislike of an assumption, no matter how true it was. But she'd accepted long ago that she couldn't control life so she was rolling with the punches. Plus she couldn't keep relying on Clara to get her groceries. Of course getting dinner at one of the most popular restaurants in town wasn't at all on the same level as going to the store but what was one more hit? Especially when it was met with a blooming warmth in her chest every time she caught Jay and Greg looking around smiling to themselves, or trading smirks with Noah and Isiah as they told stories about her. Currently the one where she'd been convinced the stuffed wolves by the bathroom and the bear by the front door came to life at night, an idea the former had put in her head. At the time she'd believed but she'd also thought they were gigantic and seeing how small they looked now made her wonder how she'd ever been so afraid. Life was like that.
A loud burst of laughter across the room brought her back to it, then to Jay's arm which had settled around her shoulders without her realizing, casual but soothing. Because she needed to be soothed. It was obvious each of the men were concerned about her, and just as concerned about pissing her off which unfortunately wasn't helping the urge to skin herself. She was ready to go now, had been since they'd arrived but she didn't want to say it.
"Another round?" Isiah asked with a grin, not cruelly but genuinely enjoying himself and she had to take a minute before she could speak.
"I remember when you used to think beer was gross."
"My palate has expanded."
"Too bad his brain cells haven't." Noah said dryly but his brother waved him off, clapping Mouse on the shoulder and grinning when he pressed a quick repentant kiss to the side of her head before following.
She couldn't help watching them go, their similarities just as striking as their differences, like Jay and Noah who her gaze went to next until it was pulled sharply back to the bar. Tess didn't know what had caught her attention, only that her instincts screamed to find it, which she did after a quick scan. Just in time to see the little pill fizzle out at the bottom of a cocktail.
Mother. Fucker.
She felt herself move, heard Jay and Noah call after her, even caught Mouse and Isiah looking at her curiously, then alarmingly, but the only thing she saw were those little bubbles and that man's smile. His smarmy, unapologetic smile. And when he turned it on her, when she saw him wonder if he could do the same to her Tess felt nothing but righteous fury when she jabbed her fingers into his throat. She got most of the drink down before she was roughly yanked away by another patron, then more gently as Jay took her, passing her off again so he could grab the asshole trying to escape to the bathroom. No doubt to throw up before he had to experience the drug for himself.
"What did you put in the drink?" Jay demanded though the louder voice in her ear was Noah- that was who he'd passed her to, but Greg and Isiah were also now at her side. Four men to hold back one woman.
It sounded right.
"Calm down ʔink hismis."
"Let me go."
"Tess-"
"Either you let me go or I will make you."
It took a second but the fingers around her biceps flexed then loosened, his look of hurt something she had to shove back and down but thankfully the scene she'd caused gave her somewhere else to direct her focus.
Too bad everyone else was paying attention too.
'That's Stephen's little girl?'
'Just like her dad.'
'Just like her mom.'
'Not like them at all.'
'So violent.'
'How could she do that?'
'How did she do that?'
'What would her parents think?'
"What did you put in her drink?" Jay demanded again, the hard edge to his voice snapping her back, straightening it as she took in all the shocked and angry faces. His angry face, not just at that man but for the girl, for her.
For himself, his redemption for not being able to save her.
"I didn't do anything!" The man protested but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't break Jay's hold and while he clearly debated taking a swing he didn't have the balls to.
"Bullshit." Greg snapped. "She saw you put something in it."
"You weren't even near her!" Someone called out but before he could respond Isiah stepped forward.
"We didn't have to see it, we know her. You all know her. And you also all know Trevor is a class A douchebag."
That got some mumbles, more people eying him suspiciously but the slow turn of their anger did nothing to cool her own rage, especially when she heard the bartenders judgy tone. "What she did was assault."
"And drugging women isn't?"
"We don't know-"
"Then wait. Rohypnol only takes twenty minutes to kick in. You can call the Mounties- we're not going anywhere. And in the meantime you can tell everyone how many times you've seen him lead a stumbling woman out those doors-"
"Tourists get drunk-"
"Don't."
Tess didn't know if it was right or wrong, how much she enjoyed his slow look of trepidation as he realized she was not someone he wanted to fuck with.
But she did enjoy it.
"You're seriously going to call the cops on a decorated soldier because she got a little rough with a dirt bag?" Jay asked harshly, not a title she liked but she understood why he used it, though it didn't carry as much weight as he'd expected.
"Not one of our soldiers. And isn't innocent until proven guilty pretty big for you guys?"
He wanted proof?
She'd get proof.
Before anyone could react she'd grabbed the man, Trevor, by his crotch, squeezing when he yelped. "Where's your stash?"
"I don't-" His face twisted when she dug her nails in but he held on another few seconds before frantically directing Jay until he pulled out a tiny baggy with three more pills out of his jacket pocket.
Three more targets.
Three more women.
How many in total?
"I don't know! Please!"
Please? He wanted mercy after what he'd done? He thought he deserved it? He didn't. He deserved this, deserved worse-
"Let him go." Jay stepped in front of him, of her, as much as he could with her hand still fisted in his jeans, his voice soft but his eyes unyielding. "Let him go."
She almost didn't listen. Almost twisted his dick so hard so fast she would've broken it, knew now what that felt like, was excited to do it again but his stare was back to making her want to peel her skin off so with one last squeeze she raised her hands and walked off. Outside where the cool air did nothing to calm her, but the faces of the four men that followed did. Subdued anyway, a sharp ache settling between her ribs when she saw their pride, clogging her throat when she saw their sadness, the understanding that drove it. A heaviness on her shoulders when she saw their apprehension, no longer just to address her but of her. It might not be fear but it was something and it was aimed at her.
And it was stronger in no one more than Noah.
"You need to go home c'aʔak tiič̓aqstim."
She was home. As close as she wanted to get but that wasn't enough for them. What she wanted was never enough for anyone. She should be used to it by now. She was. That was the problem. That was the moment Tess promised herself that one day things would change.
One day people would listen to her.
Translation: c'aʔak the word for water and tiič̓aqstim the word for soul.