Present Day

This was all too easy. It was only because Joel's target was smuggling guns all over Lake Michigan that it was a bureaucratic nightmare, which was why they'd called Sam in; let her get the headaches Hank had said, and he was right that she enjoyed the fight. Samantha Miller was the kind of woman who not only didn't back down from a challenge but actively sought them out, someone who enjoyed holding her own. Her kind of woman. She'd been wondering when their showdown would come, was honestly surprised it hadn't already, so much she'd started to doubt they'd have one. But that was only until she saw the deputy superintendents pursed lips when she caught sight of Jay's bloodied knuckles, her disapproval hardening in response to Tess's own firm stare. Growing as she was filled in and a plan was made before they finally had an opportunity to speak without an audience.

There are rules-

I told you I wasn't going to protect the system. I'm going to protect them. Whatever they do.

It had been a while since she'd had a staring contest last that long, Sam too judging by the quirk of her lips and it was the understanding that came with that similarity that had them stepping back. Not abandoning their lines but respecting each other's. A courtesy the superintendent didn't just extend to her. Her and Voight had already had their reckoning when her son got mixed up with some sex traffickers but there was another everyone had been waiting for. Nothing more than a look passed between her and Jay but everyone felt the fault lines shifting, but while she'd been worried about the fallout, no one else was. They trusted him to have their backs, whatever their individual beliefs were.

You wanted a specialized unit. You have it.

They did, for better or for worse and though Tess had no intention of turning Intelligence into anything remotely resembling a paramilitary operation she was going to make damn sure everyone knew they played by a different set of rules. It wasn't like there wasn't a precedent, McGarrett was doing something similar in Hawaii though where she aimed for nuance the former SEAL was as subtle as a bomb. She'd spent so long not just out of the spotlight but actively avoiding it, particularly the public eye but maybe that was the next step. A step because she was not ready to deal with that kind of pressure. They had enough on their plates. So after Sam left she changed, not into the clothes stored in her new locker but Jay's, a button down that made Paquette give an especially nasty sneer before the pain sent him whimpering. Turned out Jay had shattered his septum, already weak because of Michael's punch, and fractured his jaw and orbital bone, effectively putting him out of commission. And making it easier for her to up her surveillance. On Joel too but while the pathetic excuse for an agent bitched about her his Canadian counterpart only brought her up when his superiors did, both in a much better light.

In fact the only time she saw him show any strong emotion was after he nearly took a bullet. After Jay nearly took one for him. She hadn't been privy to their conversation, Jay had thrown himself across the warehouse floor to knock him out of danger, the only of his instincts that terrified her but he told her it had been succinct. And fierce.

The young weren't meant to die for the old.

And the coupled weren't meant to die for those alone.

She couldn't disagree, but she also couldn't completely agree either and three days later she was just as confused as she'd been upon meeting him. Tess had been sure this was some kind of trap and not just because of everything going on but because the feeling in her gut, not a twisting but a quivering… No way was she ignoring that. No way was that not a sign of something fucking awful.

How could it not be?

"We always appreciate a chance to work with our neighbours. We would however appreciate more notice next time."

"Of course ma'am."

She snapped out of her head and went back to watching Sam and Joel bid their polite farewells, analyzing their encounter as thoroughly as she had with every interaction he'd had. He liked them. All of them, genuinely, but he too had a tension he wasn't quite able to get rid of, or hide, a clear dislike that he'd been forced to be somewhere or do something he didn't want to. But whatever it was, it wasn't about hurting her. It had been subtle, so much she'd doubted it until the others told her they felt it too but there was something that belied his casual demeanor to show a fierceness he didn't have looking at the rest of them.

She didn't like meeting his eyes.

Couldn't explain it, and wouldn't give into it which meant as torn as it made her feel she held them as he turned to her. It was so fucking small but she could see them. Regret. Longing. Hope.

His lips came up into a quarter smile he pushed into a half one, all those feelings growing as he gave a low dip of his chin. "See you around kid."

See you around kid.

A quiet gasp, a blur of black.

See you around kid.

Screeching metal, burning fuel.

Chocolate.

See you around kid.

"She's fine." Her eyes found him easy this time and she only realized she was pointing Jay's gun at him when she tightened her grip at his mumble. "Elephant's memory. Just like your dad."

Just like her dad.

So violent.

What would her parents think?

"You were there."

His lips wavered before they closed and he nodded.

"You killed-"

"Never." He swore fiercely and she shouldn't but she believed him. Recognized the pain in his voice as her own.

They didn't know how it happened, if I was ejected or…

"I wouldn't doubt it now. But you couldn't have done it then. No one could."

Not without help.

Her arrogance was a bigger problem than she'd thought. She'd agonized over the accident report, memorized all the photos, all… All six of them. The most basic, necessary shots but they'd still shown the twisted metal and concaved doors, a shattered rear window she'd had the audacity to think she'd crawled through at seven-fucking-teen. But she hadn't.

He'd pulled her out.

"Some loose threads… you pull at them and everything comes undone." He whispered. Joel Wilson, Joel something, a man who looked as broken as she felt. "This isn't one of them. That's done-"

"It's clearly not."

His mouth wavered again but this time it steadied, even more when he glanced at the gun. "I made a promise-"

"I don't give a shit."

She wouldn't have known she'd moved if his face hadn't gotten closer, and Jay hadn't moved to stay with her, though unfortunately the hand on her back wasn't helping. She couldn't feel it.

She couldn't feel anything.

"Either you talk or I will make-"

"You're not going to hurt me."

Well she felt that.

The disappointment in his overconfidence, the cold satisfaction at his shock when the bullet tore through his shoulder. It was chaos after that, Adam, Vanessa and Kevin getting him down and out, which he didn't fight, while Hailey and Voight blocked Sam from getting any closer, which she did, Kim standing guard while Jay's hand touched hers. She didn't look at him as she handed the gun over, just stared at Joel, internally screaming because she knew her instinct his wallet and pockets would be empty of clues were right.

Because she knew intrinsically there was only one place she had any hope of getting answers.

It wasn't the first time she'd hated this place but this was a new kind of aching, a soul-deep panic she hadn't ever felt before as she started frantically going through her photo albums. She started with the most recent, still three fucking decades ago but then she remembered Joel's words, just like your dad, and switched to the oldest. Her mom had tons of pictures from her childhood, three albums she'd painstakingly cut down to two but her dad…

Her dad didn't even have a full one. Only child to parents who'd conceived late in life, in a rural community where technology had been an expensive privilege, there were only just over a dozen photos of his childhood. Two dozen more of his early twenties before her mom showed up and they exploded. She had three albums of them before they even had her and she went through each but there was nothing, not until she went to flip past pictures of her as a baby and Jay suddenly grabbed her hand. She had to follow his eyes to see what had caught his attention and when she did it was a whole new kind of breaking.

How many times had she gone through these?

How had she never noticed the photo slipped between two others?

Some loose threads… you pull at them and everything comes undone.

This isn't one of them.

Liar.

It was. Because that was Joel standing next to her father, holding her in his fucking arms. And that was Sam beside him. And as if that wasn't crushing enough there was a man on her father's other side.

Coulson.