MY POISON

It was the second-closest bar to the memorial park. The first didn't have any Midori and I wanted Ax to toast Tobias with his drink of choice.

The bartender gave me a quizzical look the first time I ordered a round until I gave him some line about Ax visiting from Morocco and not being a big drinker.

Aside from a couple of guys shooting pool in the back we were the only ones in the dive. It meant that Ax could safely demorph inside a hologram projection of his human body without someone bumping into him.

"Does this mean that you're sober again?"

"I believe so p— Jake."

"Okay, we're doing shots."

"Another human funerary tradition?"

"Yes. Definitely."

I stood, testing motor skills. Compromised, but not severely so.

"Hey friend?" I say to the bartender, "do you have any—" I search for the words. The only descriptor I can come up with is 'girlie shots' but I didn't like the connotation.

I sense the front door opening and someone approaching the bar. Focus Jake. "Okay so there are these shots and they have layers of some kinda creamy… and then the green—"

"Quickfucks?"

"Huh?"

"A layer of Midori and a layer of Baileys. They're called Quickfucks. They're not on the menu but I know how to make them."

I hear a giggle to my right. I pretend not to notice.

"That be great pal, four of them."

"Make that five," the woman next to me says.

I turn to face her and to my surprise it's the young woman from the memorial.

"I saw you today," she said.

"I saw you too," I said, trying to sound neutral. "Are you a fan of Rachel's?"

"She was my teenage obsession. I think I wanted to be her."

I studied her, trying to decide her age. Twentyfive? Twentysix? An uneasy question was niggling at the back of my mind. Did she follow us here? But the thought was dulled by tiredness and drink.

"Five quickfucks," The Bartender said. I handed him a bill.

"Oh what have I done?" The woman said.

"I can get you a glass of wine if you prefer?"

"Would you? Something red?"

"Sure, if you take these to my buddy over there." I pointed to Ax.

I'm not sure why I invited her to our table. Ax and I knocked back the candy flavoured shots while she nursed the Pinot Noir I got her. I don't think she liked it that much. I was hypervigilant, that was part of the trauma of combat. But I would be lying if I didn't think she was pretty too. She called herself Beth.

"So why were you two standing vigil today?" She asked.

"Well," I said, preparing the half-truth my brain had finally cobbled together, "Ax and I actually went to highschool with her. With Rachel."

"I was there on exchange," Ax added.

"You knew her?"

"Yeah," I said, "not well, but yeah."

"Really? But you were at her memorial."

"Yeah,uh, Ax was in town from Morocco. We thought we'd pay our respects."

Thankfully Beth took the bait about Morocco. She quizzed Ax on his plans for his visit to the US and I was able to purchase something a little more sensible to get rid of the taste of Melon.

Beth was charming, I felt myself warming to her. Noticed that she was moving closer to me, laughing at jokes I'd stolen from Marco.

Our conversation kept steering towards doom: microplastics and electoral collages and Q Anon and the world is burning and we're all fucked. Fortunately for her, Beth clearly didn't occupy the same echo chambers of the internet that I did because I had to keep giving her context for what I was talking about. I found myself trying to articulate what an INCEL was when I realised that I didn't want to be talking about this.

I slapped the table, (perhaps a little too forcefully) and asked the first lighthearted question that came into my head.

"Anyone seen any good movies lately?"

Beth surprised me by saying the last film she was "Revenge of the Nerds". I nearly choked on my Midori and Sprite.

"So you're a fan of the classics?" I asked, sounding about a thousand years old.

She snuggled a little closer to me. "I'm crazy about things from the 80s."

I tried not to wonder why she was going for me and not the handsome and exotic Ax. Actually Ax was looking a little worse for wear. He seemed to be expending a great deal of effort keeping his eyes open and his mouth shut. I was about to ask him if he wanted some water or Doritos when he stood up mid-conversation.

"I pardon you both, I am now quite intoxicated. I think I will retire."

"Are you going to get home okay Ax-man?" I asked.

"I have ordered one of your er-ubers. The app tells me that Johannes is three minutes away. Goodnight pr—Jake. Goodnight Beth."

Then he legitimately bowed and walked out of the bar. Beth snorted, her body twisting in myrth towards mine. When she looked up our faces were very close together.

"Hi," she said.

Some kisses happen easily. Two people are pulled together by a shared desire and the kiss happens. This one was more complicated, I could see each decision she made as she lifted her hands to my face, I felt the chill of her fingers on my cheeks more than the softness of her lips. Her expression was hard to place. I would have said scared, but it wasn't a kind of fear I'd seen before. I pulled away.

"Oh, sorry. That was too forward," she said, looking away.

"No, hey come here, you're cold." I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her in, feeling the smallness of her. She looked at me again, this time her expression pleading.

"You could make me warm," she said.

"Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes."