(Regan's lab)
While Regan had to take her father to get his stuff from Regan's mom, Brett drove Lincoln, Lucy and Lily to work. The reason why the Loud kids didn't accompany Regan and Rand is that while Tamiko, Regan's mom, was not as bad as Rand was Tamiko was still narcissistic. If it wasn't what Albert and his first wife did, that shall go unnamed, she would have been just as bad as Rand was to Regan. Though she did treat the Loud family with some form of kindness, the other louds did keep an eye on her to make sure Regan wouldn't have two parents who ridiculed her. In fact, Myrtle just forced her to edit her book.
When they arrived at Cognito inc., Lincoln, Lucy, Lily and Brett went to Regan's office. While Lincoln got to work on some files that Regan wanted him to do for her, Lucy, Lily and Brett went to explore around Regan's office. Well Lucy and Brad did, Lincoln kept Lily close at the computer so she would not touch any of Regan's stuff.
"Hey Lincoln," said Lucy.
"What?" asked Lincoln turning away from the computer.
"The meeting is about to start soon." Lucy said.
"Okay, hang on," said Lincoln turning back to the computer, "Just have to finish these updates."
"Hey Linc, what's this?" asked Brett.
Lincoln turned and saw a robot that looked like r2d2 and said, "Oh that's something Aunt Regan made, she's a fan of Star Wars."
Brett shrugged and turned it on, the r2d2 came to life and made its way towards Lincoln and then displayed and holographic life sixed version of He-man, right in front of him to Lincoln's confusion.
"What the?" said Lincoln confused as Lily tilted her head.
"Regan, I love you." The hologram said as it was turned off.
"What-" said Lily.
"-The-" said Lucy.
"-Heck-" said Lincoln.
"-was-" said Brett.
"-that?" said Brett...again?
Lincoln paused before turning and asking, "Brett, have you been messing with the cloning machine again?"
"No." Brett said.
"Not me," said another Brett.
"Or me," said another Brett.
"Or even me," said another Brett.
Lincoln facepalmed as Lucy asked, "So we might be late?"
(Meeting room)
After de-cloning Brett, they all made a dash for the meeting room. They entered and sat down just in time as Regan walked through the door looking exhausted.
"So," Lincoln started awkwardly, "How did it go?"
"Let me put it this way," said Regan s she revealed her face, "A nuclear standoff is less stressful than my parents' divorce."
Everyone reeled back in disgust as the sight as Gigi said, "Ooh, girl, your eyes are sunken. You look like if Steve Buscemi made it with Steve Buscemi."
"You okay, Aunt Regan?" asked Lucy appearing behind Regan causing her to jump in surprise.
"Yeah, I put my stress into my new invention the productivatron." Regan said as four robot arms appeared behind her and slammed onto the table.
"Wow," said Lincoln in surprise as Lily gasped.
"Oh god, robot arms!" shouted Brett as Gigi and Andre reeled back in shock.
"Christ Almighty!" said Glenn as he made the sign of the cross.
"I'm still working out the kinks, but it's a set of bio-cranial robot arms that will increase my productivity 600%" said Regan as the arms poured her a cup of coffee and started to do everything she began listing, "Now I can simultaneously finish paperwork, ignore my dad's texts, and, you know strangle anyone who crosses me, I guess."
Regan then began to laugh awkwardly as Lucy ask, "How is it you haven't been put in an insane asylum yet?"
"I agree with the short emo girl," said Myc, "Everyday you edge closer to becoming a supervillain."
Regan wanted to flip them off but decided not to on account of Lily being present when the alarms went off causing Brett to ask, "Oh god, what's that?"
"An alarm," said Lucy appearing behind Brett causing him to jump in fright.
"Is it a nuclear disaster?" asked Glenn.
"No, it's even worse!" said Gigi pointing to the alarms.
"No!" said Lincoln the horror.
"Not that!" said Lucy.
"No! No! No!" said Lily in terror backing up in her crib at the sight of the alarm that read...P.R. disaster.
"This will not go well." Lincoln said.
"You're damn right Loud," said JR as he entered and turned off the alarms with the light switches, "This is a 13-alarm crap fire."
"What did you do?" asked Lincoln.
"Why do you assume it was me?" asked JR.
"Because Grunkle Rand isn't here," said Lucy.
"Fair enough," said JR, "I accidently hit 'replay all' to a company-wide email where I made a VERY un-PC joke about reptiods."
"The lizard people we see around the office?" Lucy asked.
"That is correct, Lucy," said Lincoln.
"Not just lizard people, little goth," said JR as he started a slide show, "They are also shapeshifters that live in secret amongst humanity."
Just then a lot of ID's popped up on the other screens showing how many people were reptiods as Gigi said, "We're talking politicians, celebrities."
Brett then interrupted with a gasp and asked, "Madonna's an iguana?"
Lincoln saw that Mick Swagger and Bobbie Fletcher are reptoids as well and thought, 'Lana may be happy about that but not sure about Luna.'
"Reptoids provide A LOT of our company's funding, and in exchange, we prevent the world from doing anything about global warming to keep them at their preferred body heat," said JR.
"That explains a lot," said Lucy as Lily nodded
"That was my surprise as well," said Lincoln.
"The system works," said Brett.
"Yeah," Lincoln said.
"If we want to keep this year's funding, we need to kiss ass at their Reptoid Gala to get them to sign this contract," said JR as he pulled up a picture of the invite card while pulling out a contract, "And yes Regan I know I said a curse word in front of Lucy and Lily but given they know the D word this one is fine."
"Okay fair enough," Regan deadpanned.
"Anyway, they Gala is being held at their stronghold at Yale," JR continued.
"Ah, I remember my days at Yale," said Brett with a happy sigh, "I was the most popular guy in my frat. They hazed me every year."
Lincoln and Lucy looked concerned when Brett said that as Andrea voiced what everyone thought, "Sounds like they hated you?"
Brett just laughed and said, "Nice haze burn Andre. You must really like me."
JR raised his eyebrow at that then Regan began to ask questions, "Do I have to go? Follow-up question. Do I have to wear a dress? Follow-up to the follow-up. Does it have to be a stain-free dress?"
Lincoln, Lucy and Lily raised their eyebrows at that until JR said, "No, you can't recycle your old Space Jam prom dress yet again, Regan. This is serious."
"I'm surprised you still have that," Lincoln said.
"Why are you surprised?" asked Regan, "That dress is awesome and if you don't believe it you're a Mon-"
"Monstar. Yeah. Yeah," Everyone except Brett, Lincoln, Lucy and Lily said.
"This is a recurring thing?" asked Lucy.
"Sadly, little emo, yes," said Myc.
"I'm Goth," said Lucy.
"Whatever," said Myc.
"Normal dress!" said JR sternly, "And for the love of God, comb your hair. It's a sign of respect."
"Man, this is going to end in disaster," Lincoln said.
"Why should we give those reptoid freaks respect?" asked Glenn squirting water from his blowhole, "Half-man, half-animal. They're disgusting."
"Exhibit A," said Lincoln deadpanning along with Lucy and Lily.
"Easy, big guy," said Brett as he pulled out a fish and gave it Glenn, "Have a mackerel."
"Yeah, Glenn be careful with that talk," Lucy said as Glenn ate the fish like a dolphin, "We don't want to have a diplomatic incident."
"Exactly!" said JR, "That kind of no-no talk could end our funding which is why I've signed you all up for reptoid sensitivity training."
This caused everyone except for Lincoln, Lucy, Lily and Brett to groan as Brett said, "Training? Hell yeah. Who's ready to get some reps in?"
"Uh Brett-" Lincoln started before Brett gasped and said, "Oh no. Is 'reps' offensive to say?"
"I'm sure we'll find out," said Lincoln, "But they don't mean that kind of training...in fact given JR I'm surprised he even allows funding to this kind of training."
"Same." Lucy said.
(Inhuman Resources)
The group arrived and were greeted by a creature with red eyes, brown fur and wings. It wore a blue business suit with light green undershirt and a dark purple with a light purple stripped tie.
"Hi everyone," He said, "Welcome to Inhuman Resources. I'm Mr. Mothman. I'm a Mothman."
"Obviously," Lincoln said.
"Yes, I suppose so," said Mr. Mothman sheepishly.
"So did you really cause a bridge collapse?" asked Lucy as Lily looked curious.
"Yes," said Mr. Mothman sadly, "I was just enjoying my month-long vacation in Point Plesant, jump scaring a few people, then suddenly Cognito Inc. calls me to fix a bridge that a UFO dinged last night despite the fact I had no knowledge of bridge repair."
"Guess Zach owes me 5 bucks, " Lincoln said.
"Now, let's talk about reptoids," said Mr. Mothman starting the slideshow, "Be sure to follow these dos and don'ts to avoid a diplomatic incident."
"So why are me and Lily here Lincoln?" asked Lucy.
"Since I can take you guys on missions now and I don't want you home alone with Grunkle Rand, I need to make sure you guys don't do anything to cause an incident," said Lincoln.
"Fair enough," Lucy said as Lily nodded.
Mr. Mothman brings up the Do's page and says, "Do offer them a cricket, mouse or vole out of your pocket. Fun fact about voles, a vole at my father."
"Wicked," said Lucy sending shivers down Mr. Mothman's spine.
"Anyway, don't use loaded phrases," said Mr. Mothman now bringing up the Don't pages, "Like 'hissy fit' or 'See ya later, alligator.'"
"Ok," Lincoln says writing notes.
"Got it. Be respectful," said Andre as Lincoln quickly put earmuffs on Lucy and Lily's ears, "So when do we talk about the orgies?"
"Boo!" cried Regan and Gigi.
"Oh, come on!" said Glenn.
"Isn't it sad at this point that I have a sense for you and Myc saying something idiotic?" asked Lincoln.
"What?" asked Andre confused and chuckled, "Everyone knows reptoids have orgies."
"Sign me up," said Myc laughing, "I love sex and I'm fucking good at it."
"I can't believe JR hasn't fired you two yet," Lincoln said.
"That's because he probably wants to join in," said Myc before turning to Mr. Mothman and asked, "This is okay to say in here, right?"
"This is an HR meeting!" shouted Mr. Mothman.
"Andre, Myc, shut the hell up or I will castrate you," said Regan.
"And I will throw you out of this room Uncle Phil style," said Lincoln.
"Ha good luck with both of those things." Myc said.
(A moment later)
"Aaaaaagh!" cried Andre and Myc as Lincoln and Regan threw them out and slammed the door but heard Myc say, "Jokes on you though, all my dicks are fine now!"
"Sorry about them," said Lincoln as he sat down and took of Lucy and Lily's earmuffs.
"It's fine," said Mr. Mothman, "They have plenty of HR complaints."
"Shocker," said everyone sarcastically.
"Now then let's practice a non-sexual reptoid hug." Mr. Mothman said and Lincoln and Lucy exchanged a concerned look.
"Huh?" they both asked.
"Yes, you heard right," said Mr. Mothman bringing up the next slide, "It's a traditional reptiod greeting that they do to exchange warmth."
"Oh," said Lincoln, Lucy and Lily before all three went wide eyed, "Oh!"
"Hug?" asked Regan concerned, "Like with...with our bodies touching other bodies that aren't our blood family?"
"This will not end well," Lincoln said as Lucy nod in concern as Lily just said, "Uh oh."
"Mmm, oh that's nice," said Glenn as he hugged Brett who was in a reptoid suit.
"Back for seconds?" asked Gigi as she hugged him.
Brett approached Regan, who started hyperventilating, and asked, "You okay, Regan?"
"Yeah, I'm...I'm just...I'm...I'm fine," said Regan sweating and getting worse, "I'm ju...I'm practicing a hug that a normal person would do."
Brett approached Regan who, to everyone's shock, clenched her fists and punched Brett in the face knocking him out. Regan was horrified that she didn't even notice Lucy and Lily run up to her and hug her legs while Lincoln got an ice pack for Brett.
"What was that?" asked Glenn in shock.
"Her father," said Lincoln as he walked over and hugged Regan who now hugged them all back, "Who else?"
"You're probably wondering what happened," Lincoln said to the readers, "Well aunt Regan has a hugging complex."
"Oh, he's breaking the fourth wall again," said Brett excitedly.
"Well at least we'll be able to see flashbacks to explain this," said Glenn.
(Flashback 1)
We open at Lynn Sr. and Rita's wedding, and we see Lenord and Lance approach Regan for a hug only for her to punch them in the face.
(Flashback 2)
At thanksgiving Hector Casagrande approached Regan for a hug only to get punch it the face.
(Flashback 3)
At Christmas Lance Loud approached Regan for a hug only to get the inevitable punch.
(End Flashbacks)
"She has gotten better but mainly only with family and people she knows," said Lincoln to the readers and the gang, "But yeah, you want a bet Grunkle Rand has something to do with this?"
"Lincoln, honey you know I don't take sucker bets," said Gigi as everyone else nodded in agreement.
"Either way, I need to finish my master's a get the fuck out of this office," said Mr. Mothman as Lincoln and Regan covered Lucy and Lily's ears.
"This is going to be a long week," Lincoln said as Lucy and Lily nodded in agreement.
(Regan's home)
The rest of the week went by fast. Lincoln, Lucy, Lily and Regan were at home getting ready to go. Not much else happened apart from Brett being named the one to give the toast at the reptoid gala and while JR originally didn't want Regan to go due to her hugging problem, Regan said she could handle it, but Lincoln, Lucy and Lily doubted it especially since her scream did nothing more than blow up and damage a window.
Lincoln, Lucy, Lily and Regan put on formal wear and yes Lily was going mainly because Regan didn't want Lily to be left alone with Rand especially since-
"Bullshit! Lies! Slander!" shouted Rand as Lincoln and Regan covered Lucy and Lily's ears, "This novel is all thinly veiled horny criticism of our lives."
"Oh, you found Mom's book," said Regan groaning.
"I'm guessing you don't like how you're portrayed?" Lincoln asked.
"Of course, I mean listen to this," Rand said as he started reading, "Lord Randrew was a terrible husband and an even worse father."
"I think that sounds right," Lucy mumbled as Lily nodded.
"Me?" Rand scoffed as he threw the book and got back to work what looked like a robot bear, "A bad dad? Would a bad dad make his little girl this?"
"Is that the robot Pop Pop told us about?" Lucy asked.
"Yep," said Rand as Regan asked, "Why are you putting that horror show back together?"
"To set the record straight," said Rand.
"What record?" asked Lincoln, "The record of inventions that explode in face both figuratively and literally?"
"Shut up white haired Phineas," said Rand, "And I meant I took care of Regan's every need and I have a whole box of inventions to prove it."
"Ok," Lincoln says as he and Lucy head for the car.
"Oh yeah, go ahead and ignore me you two," said Rand as he pulled something out, "But look at this Boy-repelling pheromone spray, huh? Who needs birth control now?"
"What?!" asked Lucy as Lily gasped and even Lincoln stopped as Regan took it and asked, "The Britney Spears perfume you gave me was literal boy replant?"
"Yeah, I even sent a batch to Luna," said Rand, "Now she only gets girls and no risk of teen pregnancy."
"Explains a lot," Lincoln said with a deadpan.
"Yep," said Lucy and Lily with a deadpan.
"At least Sam is cool," said Regan getting everyone except Rand to nod.
"See?" asked Rand going back to working on Bear-o, "Anytime you guys had a problem, I invented something to fix it."
"'Invented something to fix it,'" Regan said before looking at her Productivatron in her pack.
"This is going to be a crazy night," Lucy said.
"Yes, it will," said Lincoln with Lily nodding.
(Actual Yale)
After arriving at Cognito Inc, everyone got in a limo that drove all the way to Actual Yale, which was right under Yale college. They all exited the limo with JR coming out first soon followed by the others.
"This place smells like Teslas and inbreeding," said Gigi as Andre took a pill of some kind.
"Oh boy," Glenn groaned.
"This fungi is ready for fun, guys," Myc laughed.
"And we got our annual Luan," said Lincoln carrying Lily with Lucy behind him.
"This is going to be a wild night," Lucy predicted.
Regan then pulled her pack out and it made a loud clanking sound causing Brett to ask, "What was that?"
"Nothing," Regan laughed awkwardly, "Who's ready to partay?"
As they walked up the steps and then made it to the top JR turned around and said, "Now, remember, everyone, we need that contract, so no slipups. Don't point and stare. Don't touch their throat sacs. And if a lizard asks you your favorite Hogwarts house, what do you say?"
"Slytherin!" Everyone said but Brett shouted, "Hufflepuff. I mean Slytherin.
"Oh, honey, you ain't fooling anybody," said Gigi as she and the others walked ahead.
'Oh, we're screwed, thought Lincoln to himself.
"These reptoids are going to be interesting," Lucy said.
JR walks up to the door handle and knocks with it causing peep hole to slid open and the doorman asked, "Password?"
"Oh hell, it's something in Latin, I think," said JR.
"You think?" asked Lincoln with a raised eyebrow as Lily copied him.
"Shut up," JR whispered then spoke, "Uh, dra...draconius plurbius...I don't know."
"So how do we get in?" Lucy asked causing the doorman to jump.
"Does she always do that?" The doorman asked as Lincoln nods.
"Just forgot it," said JR as he pulls out his phone and shows it to the doorman, "Look, here's how much money is in my bank account."
The doorman looks at the phone and then says, "Welcome."
He opens the door and they all step inside as JR says, "Welcome to the other side. You wanna talk connections? These preptiles literally have blue blood."
"Wow," said Lily looking around.
"This is incredible," said Brett, "I can't believe who's secretly a reptoid. Andreson Cooper? Taylor Swift?"
"I know right," Lincoln said as he, Lily and Lucy walked to the snack table together as Taylor Swift and Queen Elizabeth the second walked there as well.
"So, the song 'Shake it off' was about how I shed my skin every thousand years, and the song 'Bad Blood' was about how I drink blood out of my Grammys," said Taylor Swift.
After they got to the 'wine' part of the snack table they shifted into their reptoid forms and each took a glass and raised it with Queen Elizabeth saying, "A toast to blood."
"Save some blood for Paul Rudd," said Paul as they dove into their glasses and licked the blood like crazy.
"Wicked," said Lucy with a smile.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Lincoln loud." Said a voice revealing to be lord Tetherby.
Lincoln, Lily and Lucy glared at him as Lincoln asked, "So are you reptoid as well?"
"Or are you just here to kiss ass like JR?" asked Lucy angrily as Lily folded her arms
"I'm actually an ally to the reptoids how do you think I got my lordship,"Tetherby said.
"You know I'm still angry at how you made me abandon my sisters," Lincoln said angrily.
"Don't forget it was still your choice, Lincoln," said Tetherby as he walked away.
Lily blew a raspberry at him as he walked away as Lucy said, "Don't listen to him, he's just a jerk."
"Yeah, he's a jerk but he wasn't wrong," said Lincoln sadly.
"Hey, don't blame yourself for that mess," Lucy said, "You're a good person Lincoln."
"Love you, Lincoln," said Lily hugging him.
"Thanks guys," said Lincoln.
"So, you think Lana would like it here?" asked Lucy.
"I think so," said Lincoln, "But I don't think it would be long before she said something unintentionally racist."
"Yeah," Lucy said.
"Lola wun scweaming," said Lily
"Yeah, and that is a whole different incident," said Lincoln as he chuckled along with Lucy and Lily.
(Sometime later)
After a while it was announced the award show was about to start and Lincoln, Lucy and Lily arrived just in time to hear Glenn shout, "Boo! Go back to your terrariums!"
As they approached their table, they say Gigi stuff Glenn's mouth bread as Lincoln asked, "So how has your night been?"
"Keeping general racism from causing a war," Gigi said.
"Sorry to hear," said Lincoln.
"Don't worry about it, sweetie," said Gigi with a smile as Regan and JR approached the table and sat down.
Lincoln then noticed JR getting worried because Brett wasn't there and he also noticed Myc and Andre weren't there either, sighed and said to Gigi, Lucy and Lily, "Okay, three people missing, who do you bet one or more is going to cause problems?"
"Probably Myc and Andre," Lucy said.
"Probably," said Lincoln, "But Brett could as well.
"He better not," said JR looking around as the gala started.
"All rise for the reptilian anthem," said Barb shrike.
Everyone stood up and put hands over their hearts...as the reptoids soon started screeching and walling their tongues in the air. Cognito soon joined in a little weirded out as Gigi even shielded herself from Glenn's spit. Though it soon stopped.
"That was a bit uncomfortable," Lincoln said.
"Trust me loud there are worse things than that while dealing with these guys," Tetherby said.
"Thanks for the heads up," said Lucy.
Let's get down to lizness," said Zarthrax, "We reptoids have had a great decade."
'They have?' thought Lincoln.
"Thanks to propaganda in the media, we have made society more tolerant of our kind," said Zarthrax.
The Louds looked confused as Zarthrax continued, "From the Geico Gecko to the shape of water."
This caused an applause as everyone turned and saw that Guillmero del Toro causing Lincoln to whisper, "That makes sense. Though why is he planning a Pinocchio movie now?"
"Probably to compete with Disney," Lucy said.
"Fair enough," said Lincoln as Lily and even Gigi nodded.
"We even got K. Rool in smash!" said Zarhtrax, "We did it, everyone!"
"Okay, that I am glad about," said Lincoln applauding.
"The world temperature is rising," said Zarthrax as a scroll appears on the screen behind him and Barb, "The time is coming, brethren. Soon we shall fulfill the prophecy, overthrow humanity and become the true rulers of the world!"
This made Lincoln, Lily and Lucy a little uncomfortable but then JR laughed said, "They say that every year but they're never gonna do it."
"I can vouch for that," said Tetherby.
"And now, a look back at the reptoids we lost this year," said Zarthrax as a memorial show that read ~In Memoriam 2021~
Lincoln, Lucy and Lily saw the reptoid pictures of the lost reptoids rolled on as some cried but then they heard JR pull out his phone and say, "It's almost time for the speech. Where's Brett?"
"Probably doing something stupid," Lucy said.
"Can't argue that," said Lincoln
(Few minutes pass)
JR kept trying to call Brett, but his phone just kept ringing and or going to voice mail and then soon heard Zarathrax announce, "...soon hear from our human partner."
"This is a disaster," said JR to Regan and the Loud siblings, "Brett's missing!"
"Can you give speech?" asked Lily.
"I can't," said JR in a panic, "I spilled dip on my crotch, so I can't stand up."
"Seriously?" Lincoln said.
"Yep, there is now no choice," said JR as he turned to Regan, "I need you to give the speech, Regan."
"WHAT?!" shouted Regan, Lincoln, Lucy and even Lily.
"You said it yourself," said JR, "You've conquered all your issues."
"She said what?" asked Lincoln as Lucy and Lily looked surprised.
"But-" Regan started but JR just said, "Go, go! You're going to crush it!"
Regan squeezed her glass and broke it as she walked to the stage as Tetherby asked, "So, how badly is this going to end?"
"I'll guess someone is going to have some sort of injury bad," Lincoln said worried.
"In that case, I'm out," said Tetherby as he stood up, made a call on his phone and walked out of the room, "Prepare the angry reptoid bunker."
"Uh-oh," said Lily.
As Regan made it to the stage Zarathrax announced, "And now, please give a warm welcome to Cognito Inc."
Regan walked up and tapped the mic causing feedback and some crickets started chirping, which turned out to be because it was a food choice for the reptoids as nervously Lincoln thought, 'Wow, Lana would love it here.'
"Yeah," Lucy said knowing what Lincoln was thinking.
"Ah, what is up reptoids?" Regan asked looking nervous, "Anybody here from a...a subterranean lair."
This caused a minor applause and a cough as JR looked nervous while Regan continued, "But seriously, reptoids, humans, we're not so different. We all have hearts, minds, um, cloacas?"
"I do have a cloaca," said a repotid causing some applause.
"I'll have to ask Lisa what a cloaca is later," Lincoln said with Lucy and Lily nodding in agreement.
"Sure we many have messed up in the past but not as bad as those idiot Atlantians," said Regan.
This caused everyone to cheer as the same reptoid from earlier said, "Fuck Atlantis."
"This won't lead to another PR nightmare, will it JR?" Lucy whispered quietly.
"Hopefully not," JR replied.
"Oh my god," cried another reptoid as they all stood to give Regan an applause as JR, Lincoln, Lucy and Lily looked at her with a smile and applauded as well.
Getting more confidant Regan picked up the microphone, snatched a bottle of wine and said, "I'm Regan Ridley and on behalf of Cognito Inc., let us raise a glass to our continued alliance."
She took a drink, and they sprayed it out to the crowd as they cheered and JR even saw Zarthrax holding up the contract as Lincoln said, "Well done Aunt Regan."
"And without a single accident," Lucy said as Lily then stopped applauding and facepalmed.
"Oh, thank Christ," said JR.
"Regan Ridley from Cognito Inc., everyone," said Zarthrax as he approached Regan for a hug.
"Ha! Bring it in buddy!" said Regan as she hugged Zarthrax...soon a bit too hard.
"And I spoke too soon," Lucy said.
"That's too tight!" said Zarthrax, "Help! You're crushing me!"
"Wait, sorry," said Regan in a panic, "Let me just-Reverse!
But the arms glitched even more and then ripped off Zarthrax's arms causing everyone to gasp in horror as Lincoln said, "Oh, we're dead."
"Indeed brother," Lucy said covering Lily's eyes.
"Oh God, my Arms! My Arms!" Zarthrax shouted as he spun around getting blue blood all over everyone, then bumping into hearth then bumping into a statue, which was holding a sword that now came loss, it fell down and cut a reptoid server in half.
"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Regan said in a panic as everyone started panicking and running around.
"She's trying to run," said Bard as she cradled Zarthrax, "Grab her!"
After punching the two reptoids that came at her, Regan grabbed Lincoln, Lucy and Lily and the four quickly made like a tree and left, leaving JR to face Martha's wrath.
The four ran through the entrance hall with two reptoid security guards after them as they headed towards the exit. Another slid in front of them and spat some gunk at them, thankfully they ducked, and the gunk hit the reptoid guards giving Regan, Lincoln, Lucy and Lily time to sneak around the third guard and ran out the door.
As they ran down the stairs and on to the road, they almost got hit by a limo which braked but they looked and saw, "Brett" asked Lincoln?
Lucy covered Lily's eyes again and asked, "Why are you naked?!"
Before anyone could answer Regan picked up Lincoln, Lucy and Lily and threw him in the back seats before getting into the front passenger one shouting, "Go! Go! Go!"
Brett sped up the car and out the gate then asked, "Are you guys also being chased by a horde of rats?"
"What? No," Regan said before asking," Why are you naked?"
"TONIGHT WAS COMPLICATED!" Brett shouted.
"You don't say," said Lincoln deadpanning.
"Just keep driving Brett," said Lucy still covering Lily's eyes, "So, what happened back their Aunt Regan?"
Regan sighed and said, "I didn't cure my hugging problem, all I did was update the productivatron to hug for me."
"Seriously?!" Lincoln said.
"I'm sorry," said Regan, "I just wanted to be a part of the mission."
"Ugh," said Lucy, "just keeping driving Brett."
(Later)
Sometime later, Regan took off the productivatron and put it in the back with Lincoln, Lucy and Lily. They turned on the radio to station '90.5 News All things considered Ari Shapiro and just by their luck they were talking about what happened at the gala.
'The heir to the Griswold Walton fortune was rushed to the hospital tonight after having his arms brutally ripped off,' The reporter at the station said, 'He had this to say.'
'The lizard army will bathe in the blood of man!' said Zarthrax on the radio as Regan grabbed a bottle of wine, though the statement made, the Louds, Brett and Regan nervous.
'In other news the global temperature raised by one degree today,' said the reporter.
"We're gonna need a place to hide," Lincoln said
"Oh, how about South Park Colorado?" Brett suggested.
"NO!" Regan, Lincoln, Lucy and Lily shouted in unison.
"Ugh," cried Regan, "Why do I always lose my fucking mind when someone tries to hug me?!"
"I still think it's because of something Grunkle Rand did," said Lincoln as Lucy and Lily nodded in agreement.
"You know, guys, I get mad social anxiety too," said Brett, "But talking about it with my therapist has cut my panic attacks in half! Brap, brap, brap!"
"My best friend Clyde has a therapist, and she actually has helped me with my PTSD from my vacation in Scotland." Lincoln said.
"Are you guys saying I should," Regan began and soon scoffed while Lincoln handed a phone number to Brett, "Talk about my feelings?"
"Yes," said the Louds.
"When's the last time you were hugged?" asked Brett, "Hit me."
"And don't worry if it was because of wh at Grunkle Rand did," said Lincoln as Lucy and Lily nodded.
"The last time I was hugged was..." Regan started but then paused and clicked her tongue, "Huh. Wow I actually can't remember. That's really weird, right?"
"Must be repressed memory," Lucy said, "My best friend Haiku said that her cousin has that."
"Maybe," said Regan unsure.
"You'll figure it out," said Brett, "You always do."
"Full agreement," said Lincoln as Lucy and Lily nodded.
"And I'm going to find a way to impress PJ and Skwoo and get to level six, because I need everyone to like me, and I freak out if they don't," said Brett getting a bit agitated with each word.
"Brett, are you sure those guys were planning to level you up?" Lincoln asked.
"And more importantly why do you care about those guys?" asked Regan, "They pushed you in a ventilation shaft and covered you with rats."
"Yeah but isn't that what friends do?" asked Brett.
"No, that what meanies do!" said Lily.
"Friends look after each other," Lincoln said.
"And give each other rides and good advice," said Regan with a smile.
Just then they all heard sirens, in the rearview mirrors they saw cop cars and soon they found themselves surrounded as reptoid cops came out of the cars and one shouted, "Come out with your hands up, you pink-fleshed motherfuckers!"
"You tell 'em, Bill," said another.
"Well, we didn't last long on the run," said Lincoln.
"Well, we're doomed," Lucy said.
(Reptoid Courtroom)
The Louds, Regan and the rest of Cognito Inc find themselves in the reptoids supreme court and to Lincoln, Regan, Lucy and Lily's surprise, Lisa is here as well and looking just as nervous.
"Lisa?" Lincoln said in surprise, "What are you doing here?!"
"Technically I'm here via hologram and Rand allowed me to be here just in case of war," Lisa said.
"It's true," said JR walking up to Regan and the Louds, "If this trail is lost it may mean war, so got Regan the best lawyer that costs us nothing."
"Who did you get?" asked Lucy.
Just then Gigi walked up, sat in the lawyer seat and said, "Don't worry about it honeys. I can convince anyone of anything."
"Really?" asked Lincoln as Lisa looked unconvinced.
"Yep," said Gigi, "Just today, I convinced myself I was a lawyer."
"We're definitely dead meat," Lisa said as Regan, Lincoln and Lily groaned while Lucy gave a BIG sigh.
Just then the torches lit, and someone walked in shocking Lincoln as Lily just said meekly, "Uh-oh."
"Oh no!" said Lucy, "Not her!"
"Of all the people, they chose her!" Lisa said.
"Please welcome our high justice of the Reptoid Court," the bailiff stated as the person walked to judge's seat, "the immortal queen of darkness herself, Judge Judy."
All the reptoids cheered as Judge Judy sat down and shifted into her reptoid form as Lincoln said, "Lisa, at this point I think dead meat stands a better chance than us."
"Indeed," Lisa said in dismay.
"Thank you, bailiff," said Judge Judy, "I have a shoot in 20 minutes, so let's make this quick. What are the charges?"
"Your Honor, Ms. Ridley ripped off our leader's arms in an act of hostile bigotry towards reptoids," said Bard as she stood up from the prosecution desk and walked over to the evidence table to revel Zarthrax's arms.
Many reptoids gasped in horror then many started to boo at Regan as Judge Judy asked, "This true? You rip his arms off?"
"Yes, technically, but-" Regan began before Judge Judy interrupted saying, "All right. Rip her arms off and call it even. Thank you."
"Oh dear," Lincoln said in fear.
"Your Honor, please," Gigi started as Judge Judy got up to leave, "I intend to prove my client might be, damn, weird as shit but she doesn't discriminate. She's like that to everybody."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult? asked Lincoln.
"Not sure," Lisa said.
"The defense calls Brett Hand," said Gigi dramatically.
Brett came to the stand and said, "Oh yeah, unless it's blood family, Regan can't hug anybody. See this bruise on my face? That's from one of her hugs and we're friends."
"Okay...this could help," said Lincoln unsure.
"Let's not get our hopes up," Lisa said sweating nervously.
Andre came up next looking both depressed and or drugged out and said, "I don't want to diagnose but maybe Asperger's?"
"Oh, come on!" Regan complained.
"And we fought to get that out of Graunt Tomiko's book," sighed Lucy.
"At least she agreed to not include the luck incident," Lincoln said.
"That's fair," said Lucy and Regan.
"I plead the fifth," said Glenn then pulled out a shotgun, "And the second!"
Everyone screamed and ducked down as Lincoln shouted, "And how does this help Aunt Regan?!"
"It probably won't," Lucy said.
"She's always had the hots for me but won't admit it," Myc chuckles, "I mean, can you believe that?"
"Ugh," said Lincoln facepalming.
Lucy just banged her head against the table as Lily and Lisa deadpanned, just as Mr. Mothman made his way to the witness stand.
She's on her 95th HR violation," Mr. Mothman said as he poured some booze into his cup of coffee, "But who's counting? Me, I'm counting. Mr. Mothman is counting."
"Well...looks like this is helping Aunt Regan's case," said Lincoln now fully deadpanned.
"We're doomed," Lisa said in dismay.
"What are you talking about?" asked Gigi, "This is working."
"Yeah, I love this," said Regan sarcastically, "It feels great."
"Ugh, plague can be set upon Aunt Regan next?" asked Lucy.
Just then the courtroom doors burst open and in walked Rand and Bear-o with Rand saying, "Sorry I'm late. A father should never miss his daughter's first sentencing."
The loud siblings are shocked by Bear-o as Lucy looked up said, actually impressed, "Good one."
"Yeah, right little emo," said Rand as he approached them, "I finally finished reassembling Bear-o"
"You brought that thing?!" asked Regan angrily as Rand took a drink of beer, "Dad, this is serious."
"She thought Grunkle Rand would take this seriously?" asked Lisa.
"Yeah," Lucy said.
"I could be going to jail for a long time," Regan continued her rant, "All because for some mysterious reason, I am unable to fucking hug."
The Louds looked at Regan sadly when just then Bear-o came behind Regan and said, "Hello, Regan. Would you like to give Bear-o a hug?"
Regan looked nervous as Bear-o approached her and then gave her a hug as a look of realization crossed Regan's face as Lily screamed, "LET GO OF AUNT REGAN!"
Lincoln looked at Bear-o and Regan and finally put two and two together and said to Rand, "Holy shit. You never hugged me. You made a robot bear do it instead and I was so traumatized that I repressed the memory for years! That's why it takes me so long to hug someone without losing my shit!
Lincoln paused then said, "Okay, while I knew it was Grunkle Rand's fault I actually did not expect that."
"I had a theory about this based on the stories pop pop told us," Lisa said.
"Order!" shouted Judge Judy slamming her gavel, "Ms. Ridley."
"Your Honor," Regan interrupted, "Allow me to call Rand Ridley to the stand."
"I'll be honest," said Lincoln, "I did not expect this to be the reason Grunkle Rand went to court."
"Agreed," Lucy said.
(Later)
Rand took the stand, put his hand on a Godzilla 2000 blue ray and said, "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me Godzilla 2000."
"Wonder what they think of the other ones?" asked Lincoln.
"Probably mixed," Lisa said.
"Would you call yourself a good father?" asked Regan.
"I gave you a roof and stellar genetics," said Rand as he pulled out his ex-wife's book, "so what you may read, in any poorly written airport rags, yeah, I was a good father."
"Wow, didn't take him long to break his oath," said Lisa as Lily pouted.
"Does it count he himself believes it?" asked Lincoln.
"Probably not," Lucy said.
"Hey," said Rand standing up a gesturing to Bear-o, "I created this amazing robot so it could hug whenever I wasn't around, which was always."
The entire reptoid court gasped at that causing Rand to say, "What, people? That touchy-feely crap makes you weak. My outside-the-box parenting raised a girl who's strong enough to nearly murder a diplomat."
"Bear-o is proud of Regan," said Bear-o as Lily huddled closer to Lincoln.
"That thing is creepy even for me," Lucy said.
"Oh, shut the fuck up, Bear-o," said Regan as Lincoln covered Lily's ears and looked at Regan.
"Sorry," Regan said before marching towards her dad, "Your shitty parenting messed me up for life and if it wasn't for Uncle Albert and the rest of my family who knows how more broken, I would be!"
Lincoln, Lisa, Lily and Lucy smile at that as Rand says, "Hey, look, you know, family is an experiment."
Lisa sighs and says, "Sadly he is not wrong."
"Thanks Poindexter," said Rand, "And maybe not all my experiments are perfect."
"Tell me someone recorded that!" shouted Lincoln.
"Yep," Gigi said holding a smartphone.
"Shut up!" said Rand as Bear-o started glitching and a Lugnut shot out and hit a reptoid.
"I guess we could give this a try," said Rand as he came out of the witness stand and opened his arms.
Regan opened her arms, and they hugged causing Lisa to say, "I never thought I would see the day."
"Neither did I," Lincoln said.
"Alright, I mean is this doing anything for you?" asked Rand.
"No, not really," said Regan weirded out.
"Yeah, it feels weird," said Rand.
"Right?" asked Regan, "That's what I'm saying."
"Super forced," said Rand.
"Yeah, this is just getting awkward," said Lincoln looking weirded out.
"Indeed and because of that I am leaving," Lisa said as her hologram started disappearing, "I have bunions to scrub anyway."
"Why do people do this?" asked Regan before letting go and punching Rand.
"Okay, that was awesome," said Lincoln happily, "Tell me someone got a picture."
(At the Casagrandes)
Lori was watching tv when she received the photo causing to smirk and say, "Serves him right."
(Reptoid Courtroom)
"That helped," said Regan smiling as Rand chuckled.
"Well, I've seen enough," said Judge Judy, "Ms. Ridley, you've clearly learned some bad habits from this man. I'm surprised you don't rip everyone's arms off."
"We thank you for understanding," said Lincoln as Lily clapped.
"Well, that was a close one," Lucy said.
"Hold on," said Judge Judy, "I can't just let Regan off the hook."
"What you going to do?" asked Lily.
"I'm sentencing her to court-ordered therapy," said Judge Judy.
"Okay, that's not too bad," said Lincoln until Judge Judy said, "In the form of the traditional reptoid group hug."
Lincoln and Lucy look nervous as Lily says, "Uh-oh."
"Wait, what's this now?" Regan asked confused.
Judge Judy slammed her gavel down and a bunch of reptoids swarmed Regan and hugged and cuddled her causing Lucy to ask, "You ok, Aunt Regan?"
Regan looked at all the reptoids hugging her then said nervously, "I'm deciding this is okay."
Lincoln, Lucy and Lily smiled at that and the-
(Regan's house)
"What the?" asked Lucy as Lily looked around confused.
"How did we get home?" asked Lincoln
"Bear-o gave us a lift," said Regan as they noticed her in the room.
Lincoln and Lucy looked at each other knowing something had happened but decided to turn in for the night as it has been a long day, but Lily folded her arms at Regan and asked, "What happen?"
"Nothing Lily, nothing all," said Regan nervously.
Lily looked suspicious until Rand said, "You kids saw-"
"Dad!" shouted Regan.
"C'mon, they got to learn some time," said Rand.
"Learn what?" asked Lily.
"Just go to bed," said Regan.
Lily sighs and does so and soon as they were almost out of hearing range Rand shouted, "YOU KIDS SAW AN ORGY!
"WHAT?!" they shouted.
"Damn it, Dad!" said Regan as she pulled out the memory eraser again.
"Here we go again," Lincoln sighed knowing where this was going.